PISS ON EVER’THIN’ –
T’DAY’S SATURDAY, Feb. 25, 2ôô6!
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BOOYAH!! Da Rev’s Stand-Up begins after the QUOTES…
QUOTE / UNQUOTE
"In baiting a mouse-trap with cheese, always leave room for the mouse."
[Saki (1870-1916) (H. H. Munro) Burmese-born Scottish Writer]
"Among those whom I like, I can find no common denominator, but among those whom I love, I can; all of them make me laugh."
[W H Auden - Poet]
WELL HOWDY, REV’LERS!
I’ve just returned from a seminar on the Occidental University campus where Dr. Lemuel Flournoy discussed his 25-year MATURE RELATIONSHIP with a FLOPPY DISK...
Stick around – in just a few minutes I’ll introduce SIX BURLY TATTOOED TRUCK-DRIVERS who will be tossing ENGINE BLOCKS into empty OIL DRUMS..
This week we’re donating the proceeds of our efforts to:
M.A.D.D. - Mothers Against Dickless Daddies!
In addition some of the mothers will be passing out among you... they're offering a Special Edition CD compiled specifically for this fundraiser. It contains 14,768 vaguely amusing SIT-COM pilots – NEVER SEEN ON TV!!
THE LAST McSUPPER
An air of FRENCH FRIES permeates my nostrils!! And Creamed Herring and Bagels… And Molson’s!
As if there aren’t enough BAD THINGS happening – they keep making movies that present horrific scenarios that seem almost plausible if you let your mind dwell on them after the movie is over – like the new Bruce Willis picture where he has only 2-hours to keep the SUN from falling into YANKEE STADIUM! …OMIGOD!... …OMIGOD!…
Like I was saying – isn’t REALITY harsh enough? Ah, but I have THE CURE:
Ain’t nothin’ like
a cold beer
a warm depression
on a generally
Every morning I have to a make a decision — smokes or drinks. Cigs or pounders. I tell you - alcohol is saving me from lung cancer!
When I think about all the people out there that want to kill me, I’m just glad as hell I’m here drinking with my friends. You ARE my friends, right?
ON WITH THE FRIVOLITY! Remember, on the internet, LOVE means never having to say “Yours truly”…
THIS JUST ___ IN ! !
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Comedian Argus Hamilton offers these assessments of the week that just was:
Governor Jeb Bush backed his brother's sale of six U.S. ports to an Arab-owned company. He had no choice. The Bush Doctrine states if you harbor a terrorist you are a terrorist, but if you sell a harbor to a terrorist you are the Bush Family.
The White House said President Bush didn't know about the port sale until he read about it in the newspaper. There's no reason not to believe him. With no baseball and no football, it's possible that the front page might have caught his eye.
Democrats threatened to impeach President Bush over the sale of six ports to Dubai Ports World. His vice president is in no shape to help. When American Sportsman host Curt Gowdy died this week, Dick Cheney had to call Brit Hume and say he didn't do it.
President Bush demanded to know why the British could operate a U.S. port and Arabs can't. He was asking what's so special about British origin. If he thought those peace sermons at St. John's Episcopal were painful to sit through, wait til he gets there NEXT Sunday.
The Bank of England said thieves stole forty million pounds from a banknote storage depot. They were a mix of old and new notes. This is the only currency with the queen's picture on it, unless you believe those rumors about Abe Lincoln.
A Washington D.C. judge sentenced a man to prison for jumping the White House fence. He said he had a cell phone in his head and wanted to meet Chelsea Clinton. And everyone thought the Reform Party didn't have a candidate next election.
SUBJECT TO BAN IN TEHRAN - where often a fit hits the Shan...
Harry Whittington apologized to Dick Cheney for all the trouble their hunting accident caused. He's brainwashed. The Sovietization of America is well underway when citizens are apologizing for getting in the way of government bullets.
HERE’S SOMETHIN’ REALLY, REALLY IMPORTANT!
Gallery of The Absurd
Unfortunately, it will be revealed to you...
Donald Duck Dead - By Jennifer Foyt - Paris, France
(LaughFish.com) - While vacationing in France, Mr. Donald Duck contracted the deadly H5N1 bird-flu and has died. Mickey Mouse and Pluto arrived by private jet late last night and were on hand to bid their friend goodbye. France's President Jacque Chirac offered his condolences and said that the French government and authorities are now "fully mobilized" to deal with the situation.
EEK!! It's STAR JONES abusing her gay husband again!!
Author David Irving was sentenced to prison in Austria Monday for denying the Holocaust in interviews he gave in Austria. It's a jailable offense now. Within ten minutes, Mel Gibson's father canceled his scheduled speech to the Vienna Rotary.
James Bond fans began an Internet protest Monday over Daniel Craig replacing Pierce Brosnan. What's happened to the movie business? We get one heterosexual movie all year and it's going to be boycotted because the man isn't handsome enough?!
The British Academy Awards in London Sunday awarded Best Picture to Brokeback Mountain. It's the first of a string of gay-themed movies set in the past. In the sequel, we learn why J. Edgar Hoover was so desperate to track down Pretty Boy Floyd.
New Orleans began the annual week-long series of parties and parades leading up to the Mardi Gras parade Tuesday. Visitors have been advised to observe one rule in the French Quarter. Never try to pick up a woman wearing a Super Bowl ring.
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Friendship Between Women: A woman didn't come home one night. The next day she told her husband that she had slept over at a girlfriend's house. The man called his wife's 10 best friends. None of them knew anything about it.
Friendship Between Men: A man didn't come home one night. The next day he told his wife that he had slept over at a mate's house. The woman called her husband's 10 best friends. Eight of them confirmed that he had slept over, and two claimed that he was still there.
Two priests decided to go to Hawaii on vacation. They were determined to make this a real vacation by not wearing anything that would identify them as clergy. As soon as the plane landed, they headed for a store and bought some really outrageous shorts, shirts, sandals, sunglasses, etc... The next morning, they went to the beach, dressed in their "tourist" garb. They were sitting on beach chairs, enjoying a drink, the sunshine and the scenery when a 'drop dead gorgeous' topless blonde in a thong bikini came walking straight towards them. They couldn't help but stare. As the blonde passed them, she smiled and said, "Good morning, Father, good morning, Father," nodding and addressing each of them, then moved on.
They were both stunned. How in the world did she know they were priests? The next day, they went back to the store and bought even more outrageous outfits. These were so loud you could HEAR them before you even saw them. Once again, the two priests settled on the beach, in their chairs to enjoy the sunshine incognito as it were. After a while, the same gorgeous topless blonde, wearing a string bikini, taking her sweet time, came walking toward them. Again, she nodded, said "Good morning, Father," at each of them and started to walk away.
One of the priests couldn't stand it any longer and said, "Just a minute, young lady..."
"Yes?" she replied.
"We ARE priests, and proud of it, but I have to know-how in the world did you KNOW we are priests, dressed as we are?"
"Father," she replied, "it's me, Sister Mary Frances."
ACTRESS MARTHA HYER
A blind man and his guide dog enter a bar and find their way to a barstool. After ordering a drink, and sitting there for a while, the blind guy yells to the bartender, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'
The bar immediately becomes absolutely quiet. In a husky, deep voice, the woman next to him says, 'Before you tell that joke, you should know something.The bartender is blonde, the bouncer is blonde, and I'm a 6' tall, 200 lb. blonde with a black belt in karate. What's more, the woman sitting next to me is blonde and she's a weight lifter. The lady to your right is a blonde, and she's a wrestler. Think about it seriously, Mister. You still wanna tell that joke?'
The blind guy says, 'Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.'
Good fortune. COMMENT!! Please spread the meme. Don’t smoke in bed…