Freddy Fender, born Huerta Baldemor, was 69. FKA the "Bebop Kid", playing Rockabilly
& Tex-Mex, he was a successful recording artist in the ‘50s ‘til the early ‘60s,
when his career was sidetracked by a bust for possession of marijuana and
imprisonment in Texass.
He later turned his twangy tenor into the smash country
ballad "Before the Next Teardrop Falls" – which climbed to No. 1 on
the pop and country charts in ‘75. "Wasted Days and Wasted Nights"
rose to No. 1 on the country chart and into the top 10 on the pop chart that
same year, while "Secret Love" and "You'll Lose a Good
Thing" also hit No. 1 in the country charts.
Freddy frequently sang verses or whole songs in Spanish. "Teardrop"
had a verse in Spanish.
Da Rev’s favorite recordings by Freddy Fender were made
with The Texas Tornados featuring Freddy along with the late Doug Sahm (Sir
Douglas Quintet), noted conjunta accordian player Flaco Jimenez, and keyboardist
(l to r: Flaco, Sir Doug,
Former Massachusetts Democratic Rep. Gerry Studds was 69. He became the first openly gay member of
Congress when his homosexuality was exposed during a teenage page sex scandal. Studds
was first elected in 1972 and represented his district for 12 Congressional
terms. He retired from Congress in 1997.
BIRTHDAY TRIBUTES his This Weekend:
The Jazz Man, E. R. Hites would be 92 Monday… The Legendary Lenny Bruce would be 81… Former Surgeon General C. Everett Koop is 90! See what you can do if you quit smokin’?
One of JFK’s “Best & Brightest”, Historian Arthur Sclessinger, Jr. is 88…
Sweet li’l Dixie Chick Natalie Maines (the smart-mouthed one in the
middle) is 32…
R&B singer Nappy Brown is 77… Comedian-Activist Dick Gregory is 74 – his age AND his weight! Gospel Singer Shirley Caesar is 68… Sacha Baron Cohen, AKA “Borat”, AKA “Ali G” is 35…
Richard (“She Ain’t Heavy, She’s My Anorexic Sister) Carpenter is 59; he still has an enviable collection of vintage Chrysler ‘300’ Automobiles; he still has the best looking hair in popular music.
oh, in case you were wondering – no, e. e. cummings is no longer with us. he would be 112…
"Whenever I run into prejudice, I smile and feel sorry for them, and I say to myself, `There's one more argument for birth control.'" [Freddy Fender]
"A single intelligent remark
can destroy a man's entire career." [Ezra Pound]
"The only way to comprehend what mathematicians
mean by Infinity is to contemplate the extent of human stupidity."
"...President Clinton will live in myth, legend, song and story as long as Nero. The folklore of
humanity will never forget America's first president with a perpetual hard-on.” [Robert Anton Wilson]
”The problem with the French is that they don’t have a word for ‘entrepreneur.’" [President George W. Bush]
WELL, HOWDY, REV’LERS!
My name is Rev. Art. I’ve done for blogging what Captain Jack Sparrow has done for sissy walking!
Please remove your hats and dew rags and join us in the NEW AMERIKKAN PLEDGE:
”I pledge allegiance to the flag
Of the Holy American Empire And to the Republicans, whom liberals can’t stand,
One nation, under Design, irreducible,
With ignorance and judgment for all.”
It’s OK, Fred - I'm an INTELLECTUAL, too. Charlie, your library card expired – or as the President of the Free World says it – “liberry card”…
I hope you’re all wearing your drinking pants! Who wants some OYSTERS with SEN-SEN an' COOL WHIP? We’re serving BURGERS straight from the grill. Of course, they’re kosher. And for our Hindu visitors, these burgers are formed from Sacred Cows – Mmmmm… they make the BEST hamburgers! And for our friends from the North – CANADIAN BACON! AND FREE BORSCHT FOR EVERYBODY!
Oh, and since The Food and Drug Administration has recalled California lettuce along with spinach, we have salads made with arugala…
Arugula? ARUGULA? Isn't that shit illegal?!?
This weekend all the proceeds from THE STAND-UP will go to "The National Suburban League"!
Guys – do I have to teach you EVER’THIN’?! A bit of etiquette you all should have learned at your mother’s knee – or some other low joint:
* If you offer to buy a woman a drink and she refuses, she does not like you.
* If you offer to buy a woman a drink and she accepts, she still might not like you.
* If she buys you a drink, she likes you.
Has everybody noticed - we're living in a pubic hair extreme maintenance era?
CLICK HERE TO DRESS-UP JESUS!
Da Rev thinks the J-Dude never looked better...
I speak to you now in my capacity as The Doctor of Motivation:
Here’s how to start your day with a positive attitude:
1. Create a "new folder" on your computer.
2. Name it "George W. Bush".
3. Send it to the trash.
4. Empty the trash.
5. Your computer will ask you: "Do you really want to delete "George W. Bush"?
6. Calmly answer, "Yes", and press the left mouse button firmly...
...HOMESKOOL TIL THEYS 30...
I have witnessed a MIRACLE – no shit! My next door neighbor (you know, the biker with the pit bulls) fit an entire Haines three-cushion leather sofa into the back of his ’97 Dodge Caravan. From the outside, it looked virtually impossible – but he got it in. I’m gonna send a detailed summary to The Vatican. I want this miracle attributed to Madalyn Murray O’Hair. She’ll just need 2-more miracles to be canonized. Just think of it – THE FIRST ATHEIST SAINT! BOO-YAH!
I don’t know if the Pope would count THIS as a miracle – I saw an ad on a re-run episode of “Without a Trace” and I was able to consolidate all of my debts into one loan repayment! It only took one phone call! Well, I think that’s a miracle!
I saw the face of Ralph Waldo Emerson on a tortilla at a Gran Rio Restaurant in June – and the Universalist-Unitarians have already certified THAT as a miracle!
I’ve volunteered for a grassroots organization to keep Fairborn from turning into a cesspool of immorality like DC… I'm working under the direct orders of WAYNE NEWTON to deport consenting adults!
Jeanine! How’s your mama? She’s fine, fat , and happy? Glad to hear it…
Jeanine’s mama’s fat – but that’s not all – Her mama’s so ugly she walked into a haunted house and came out with an application…
Doesn’t everybody love a stimulating puzzle? Mmmm… maybe not – but let’s see who can figure out THIS one:
OK, here goes…
You are on a horse, galloping at a constant speed. On your right side is a sharp drop off, and on your left side is an elephant traveling at the same speed as you. Directly in front of you is a galloping kangaroo and your horse is unable to overtake it. Behind you is a lion running at the same speed as you and the Kangaroo. What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?
Get your stupid, drunken ass off the damn merry-go-round!
It’s another beautiful day in Metro Fairborn, Ohio. Sunny, not hot, clear. Good day for a jog, you say?
No, thank you, I don’t jog.
Some emaciated folks showed up at a recent commission meeting seeking sponsorship of a “Fairborn Fun Run”…What a way to ruin a beautiful day or a happy, friendly city. It’s SO true. Just add the words "fun run" to any great city, and it immediately drains that place of joy. Try it: Paris. Now, Paris Fun Run. Or Key West. Now, Key West Fun Run… See? Running is evil, as is any exercise that doesn’t result in climax.
The Daily Gut
I can personally attest that exercising too much can destroy your libido – well, that’s mainly from hangin’ around women who also exercise too much. There is nothing less sexy than a female marathon runner, with the possible exception of a male marathon runner.
Generally speaking, over-fit people are profoundly
miserable, wiry creatures who spend most of their time ingesting fiber - when
they're not farting. I’ve learned to walk in FRONT of them - always.
There is a rule that obsessively fit people live
their life by - that the amount of time spent doing exercise is the amount of
time added to lengthen your life.
It sounds great - except for one simple fact - you're exchanging the time during the most important part of your life (now, in your twenties, thirties, forties) to increase your lifespan at the worst time of your life (your eighties). Basically, you are throwing away valuable time which should be spent getting drunk and having sex – so, WHAT? - you can SHIT IN A BAG when you're 95?!
I was in a store right here in Fairborn. A thoroughly disheveled middle-aged fellow walked into the store and said to the clerk, "I'd like a pair of orange shoes, an orange shirt, a pair brown pants, and a pair of orange socks."
The clerk looked at him and shook his head, saying, "You must be a Browns fan!"
The man proclaimed with pride, "How could you tell – from the color scheme?!"
The clerk looked at him and said "No, Sir, this is a hardware store."
Finally, the Browns fan managed to purchase his entire outfit at the mall and came home in time to watch the Browns game on his 19-inch TV – ONLY to find his house was on fire. He rushed next door, telephoned the fire department and shouted into the phone: "Hurry on over here. My house is on fire & the Browns game’s about t’ start!!"
"OK," replied the fireman, "How do we get there?"
"HUH! Don't you still have them big red trucks?"
THIS IS BIG! The Cleveland Browns NFL franchise, seeking to generate fan interest and excitement heading into this season, unveiled a new logo that will be used on everything from game pants and jersey trim to the company letterhead. First, a little background:
The team has used the color Cocoa Powder Brown as their logo since entering the league in 1946.
"It was time for a change," said Browns Owner Randolph Lerner. "Our logo, Cocoa Powder Brown, no longer truly reflects who we are as a franchise."
The new logo is Chocolate Sprinkles Brown. See?!
Da Rev has talked to several fans in the Metro Fairborn-Dayton area who have worn Browns franchise jerseys, caps and jackets for all these years and – I’m amazed to find they’re all happy with the change. Our buddy Bill Kirby points out that at first he was disappointed. "I have to admit I didn’t think they were going to make such a drastic change…” - but he added, “All my old Browns stuff is really faded, so the brown shade practically matches that new Chocolate Sprinkles Brown.”
Bill’s eyes began to tear up as he said that his
Browns apparel all dates back to the season he still relishes most – “1987 when
we ALMOST made it to the Super Bowl!”
Question, Sports Fans: What is the
difference between a litter of puppies and inhabitants of The Dawg Pound in Cleveland?
Answer: The puppies stop whining after 6 weeks.
You're probably a Browns fan if ...
... You can play all o’ Hank Williams Jr.’s hit songs using your armpit.
... The Roto-Rooter man stops by your trailer and asks, "What's that smell?"
... You're a member of the Skoal Frequent Purchaser Program.
... You looked up your family tree and your uncle spit on you.
... You joined Alcoholics Anonymous so you can drink and use a different name.
... Your kids go to a private school and they won't tell you where it is.
… You wear your Browns jacket and cap over your courier uniform.
Oh, by the way, the team has changed only the NAME of the color of their
helmets - from “Navel Orange” to “Adventure Orange”...
Speaking of Bill Kirby – you know you can take the boy out o’ Cleveland, but you can’t get Cleveland out o’ the boy… After all these years in Dayton, Bill’s idea of fine cuisine includes keilbasa and Stroh's beer.
Bill insists Cincinnati is in Kentucky – and he refers to Pittsburgh as the “Third World”.
He says it isn’t a
party unless there’s an accordion player.
He says he doesn’t think he ever met anyone who was homosexual – but - there used to be a lot of them in Lakewood.
Bill HATES Baltimore – and, “NO, THANK YOU VERY MUCH!” – he’s never been there…
Bill loves to brag that
Bill Clinton and Drew Carey love those Parma Pierogies, but he has yet to ever
Has anyone here ever gone bowling with Bill? Well – he insists on “CLEVELAND RULES” – for instance… when you leave the 10-pin and you know you can't make the spare, but another member of your team can, you can invoke the "Designated Bowler" rule.
Or how about this? If you holler "OVERS!" before the ball passes the arrows, you get to roll the ball over, UNLESS, of course, you get a strike. In which case, you can renege on the "overs".
Oh, yeah. Cleveland rules are hard t’ beat… Bill has invoked this rule when his team was about 10 marks down in the 8th or 9th frame: He invokes the rule "First Team Through Bowling Wins the Game", and then, his team still has a chance.
I hope I can count on every one of you to subscribe to our Feedblitz notification system and you’ll all be back here next time ROFLMAO! And if you're lucky, your mom or your creepy roommate won't catch you smelling your fingers...
Say Goodnight, Dick!
THIS JUST ___ IN!!
WE’D LIKE TO SEE BRIAN WILLIAMS DO THIS!
On the CBS news homepage, TUESDAY:
Thank DARWIN Katie’s on the case.
For future Notebook segments, may we suggest:
Katie Couric provides an elegant proof of Fermat’s Last Theorem.
Katie Couric comments on the paradox of free will and the belief in an omniscient deity.
Katie Couric’s solution to the Israel/Palestine crisis — it’s workable, easy, and a little fun!
Andy Rooney lists both the things he likes and things he dislikes.
WHAT?! YOU NEED MORE REASONS TO VOTE FOR REPUGS IN 2006? Wonkette:
“Hot. Gay. Teen. Sex!!”
- “Clinton failed to prevent the death of Steve Irwin.”
- “A well-functioning, competent, ethical government is boring. Vote for the GOP, vote for excitement.”
- “Just to be an asshole.”
- “We need to maintain a level head and steady pressure in the The War Against Terror (T.W.A.T.).”
- “I don’t want to have to explain to my daughter why she has to wear a veil in public and cannot go to college”
GOP=GOD’S OWN PEDOPHILES
DENNY HASTERT: “Yeah, I used to be
a gym teacher and boys’ wrestling coach in Illinois.”
MARK FOLEY: GOLLY! Why would anybody quit a dream job like THAT?!
"Let's pretend this plug is 'Iraq' and you're trying to connect it to the 'war on terror,' which is this avocado. You can do it... but here's the problem: The avocado still doesn't turn on. And now your plug is covered in guacamole." – [Jon Stewart, demonstrating the connection between Iraq and the war on terror]
Seth Meyers: Democrats accused Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist of waving a white flag for saying the Afghan war against Taliban guerrillas cannot be won militarily. Things must be bad in Afghanistan if Bill Frist is ready to give up. Remember, this is the guy that thought we could still fix Terri Schiavo.
Jakes Comedy Corner
A new study says the war in Iraq has killed about 655,000 Iraqis. President Bush says it is "not credible." But that's only because he doesn't know anyone who can count that high.
Comedian Argus Hamilton - has these liners addressing the events of the past week:
The Pentagon announced it is planning to keep U.S. troops in Iraq for at least another four years. It may not come to that. The situation in Thailand gave the generals an idea of how to get rid of President Bush in case he refuses to leave.
President Bush spoke to reporters about North Korea Wednesday. First he said he won't attack the country but later he warned that all options are on the table. You get the feeling the fate of the world depends entirely on his blood sugar level.
The White House reacted to North Korea's underground nuclear blast Sunday by demanding that the U.N. take action. It did. Within twelve hours of the blast the U.N. Security Council voted thirteen to one to censure Israel, with Britain abstaining.
GOP Senator George Macacawich Allen opened a ten-point lead in Virginia Tuesday. Voters aren't holding a grudge over his racist comments, his secret religious background and his shady stock trades. They don't call Virginia the Cavalier State for nothing.
Speaker Denny Hastert is still refusing to resign on over
the Mark Foley e-mail cover-up. Republicans are getting terrible advice on the
scandal. They need to fire these strategists who keep telling them that they
all have to get on the same page.
HERE’S SOMETHIN’ REALLY, REALLY IMPORTANT!
Yankees owner George Steinbrenner considered firing Joe Torre after the playoff
loss. The locals are losing patience. There are six-year-old children in New York who have never seen the Yankees win the world championship.
The White House confirmed North Korea's nuclear detonation last Sunday.
It followed recent underground nuclear bomb tests by Pakistan and India. Kim Jong Il became the third leader in six years to discover that nothing is effective against gophers.
President Bush celebrated Hispanic Heritage Week last week with a gala party at
the White House. Two hundred people were invited but six hundred people showed
up. Later that day the Secret Service found the White House fence cut in two
Conan: Did you know Wednesday, October 11th,
was “National Coming Out Day”? Then Thursday October 12th was National “What
The Hell Was I Thinking Day”?...
WARNING! RATED PG-34!
A dentist ran out of anesthetic just before the last extraction for the day was scheduled. He gave the nurse a very large needle, instructing her to jab it hard into the patient's butt when the signal was given, so it would take his attention away from the tooth extraction. It all happened in an instant.
The nurse, patient, and pliers were in place. The signal was given, and the nurse bayoneted the patient with the needle just as the dentist yanked the tooth.
Afterwards, the dentist asked, "Hurt much?"
The patient hesitated, "Didn't hardly feel it come out. And, man, those roots were really deep!"
went to hospital for a circumcision, but because of a mix up, he ended up
having a complete sex change. All of the doctors and nurses had gathered around
his bed as he was waking up so they could give him the bad news. Naturally, the
poor guy went to pieces and started crying when they explained what had
happened to him.
"Oh no!" he moaned, "this means I'll never be able to experience an erection ever again!"
"Of course you will," one of the doctors soothed. It'll just have to be someone else's, that's all."
were sitting in the doctor's waiting room comparing notes on their various
disorders. "I want a baby more than anything in the world," said the
first, "But I guess it is impossible."
"I used to feel just the same way," said the second. "But then everything changed. That's why I'm here. I'm going to have a baby in three months."
"You must tell me what you did."
"I went to a faith healer."
"But I've tried that. My husband and I went to one for nearly a year and it didn't help a bit."
The other woman smiled and whispered, "Try going alone, next time, dearie."
Who found a remarkable fossil.
He deduced from the bend
And the wart on the end
'Twas the peter of Paul the Apostle!
Three blondes were hiking in a woods and became lost. However, they came across a pair of tracks. The first blonde says: Are those bear tracks? – maybe they'll lead us to the city!
The second blonde says: No, those are car tracks, and I think they'll lead us to the city!
The third blonde studies the tracks carefully and muses: Hmmm… no, I think those are… And just then, the train hit them!
went in to see a therapist and said, "I've got a big problem, doctor.
Every time we're in bed and my husband climaxes, he lets out an outrageous
"My dear," the doctor said, "that's completely natural. I don't see what the problem is."
"The problem is," she complained, "he keeps waking me up!"
THIS IS DA REV’S ALL-TIME FAVORITE JOKE… ENJOY!
A man goes to visit an old friend who lives in the country. Upon arriving he sees a pig walking around with only three legs. This odd sight piqued his curiosity, of course, so after catching up on old times he asks his friend about the pig:
"I noticed a pig earlier that only had three legs, but what happened to the poor animal," he asks.
"Let me tell you a story," starts his friend. "Last fall when I was plowing the south field I accidently got the plow caught up in some brush, couldn't break it loose so I crawled under it to cut away the vines. Just then the damn thing fell on me, pinned me to the ground. I'd still be there if it weren't fer that pig, he come running out there and started digging and rootin' till he could pull me outta there, saved my life, I tellya."
"Well that is an amazing story but I must've missed something because I still don't understand how he lost his leg," the man replied.
His farmer friend went on: "Why just this past spring I went out to feed the chickens one night and slipped on something and fell right on my butt. My lantern went flying and set the whole damn place on fire. I was chokin' and lost in the smoke and just knew I was gonna die when I heard that pig squealin' and rammin' till he knocked the door down and dragged me out, saved my life, I tellya!"
His friend thought for a moment and said, "Well that's an interesting story but it still doesn't explain what happened to his leg."
The farmer continued. "Well, just this last week, all the sheep over there got into a frenzy due to some noise or something and started running towards the house at breakneck speed. They trampled over the fences, over the bushes and were just about to run over the children when all of a sudden, this here pig was able to intercept the entire herd and get the sheep to turn around... just like in that movie! Saved my children's lives, I tellya!"
His friend, impatient and confused at this point, exclaims, "That still doesn't explain what happened to the pig's leg!"
The farmer stares at him dumbfounded and explains:
"Look. When you got a pig like that, you just can't eat him all at once!"
CAN'T EAT 'IM ALL AT ONCE!!
Good fortune. COMMENT!!
Please spread the meme. Don’t smoke in bed…