WELL HOWDY, REV'LERS!
Piss on ever'thin' - t'morra's Saturday, January 8, 2ôô5
"WITH GOD, ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE" MAY BE THE STATE MOTTO - BUT IN OHIO THERE’S NOTHIN' HAPPENIN'!
(All photos are thumbnails - click to view)
Told to me by an Evangelista
On the first day of creation, God created the cat.
On the second day, God created man to serve the cat.
On the third day, God created all the animals of the earth to serve as potential food for the cat.
On the fourth day, God created honest toil so that man could labor for the good of the cat.
On the fifth day, God created the sparkle ball so that the cat might or might not play with it.
On the sixth day, God created veterinary science to keep the cat healthy and the man broke.On the seventh day, God tried to rest, but He had to scoop the litterbox. Yup, it’s a cat’s world after all. Amen!
By the way, we are required to post this notic:e at each entrance to our house: 
We post the sign right under the notice that features the illustration of the Glock 9 with the warning,
“WE DON’T DIAL 9-1-1!”
<<< Hey - dis is some good shit!
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THIS JUST ===========>>> IN ! !
Here's da jokes - with a lotta help from 
ARGUS HAMILTON
Jeb Bush flew to Thailand this week where he assessed tidal wave damage. It wasn't pretty. He saw flattened houses, downed power lines and displaced residents who cried out for U.S. aid dollars in broken English. And that was before he left Florida.
President Bush saw footage of brother Jeb and Colin Powell surveying damage from the tsunami and vowed we will get who ever did this. He said we will track down tsunami and bring him to justice.
Wolfowitz says the tsunami may be holed-up in Syria!
<<<Hey, Pal - do you need a nanny? I work off books, no problem, OK? Please get me the &*$^%!@# OUTTA here!
The populations of twelve nations have been devastated by a tsunami and now they're being told an early warning system might have save thousands of lives of natives and tourists. NASA scientists are saying there is a one-in-three-hundred chance of a newly discovered meteor slamming into the earth in thirty-six years. See it's always good to have early warning. Now we all know not to vacation on earth that week.
President Bush has sent the USS Abraham Lincoln into the Indian Ocean to monitor South Asia. DUBYA's base, American nut-fundies and thumpin' evangelistas are worried. Pastor Farley Chortle opined that the aftershock could launch a second tidal wave that leaves the aircraft carrier sitting in the Himalayas like Noah's Ark.
President Bush appointed his dad George Bush and Bill Clinton to head up the raising of billions of dollars for Asian relief Monday. It was odd to see them together. Married guys aren't often allowed by their wives to play with Bill Clinton.
<<<Damn! He skipped past the line about sendin' Colin Powell to Phuket!
Bill Clinton got right to work raising cash for Asian relief Monday. There's no doubting his ability. President Bush felt good about the appointment until he walked upstairs and saw sixteen strangers sleeping in the Lincoln Bedroom on cots.
Mexico released a comic book guide this week showing how to cross the U.S. border illegally. The problems will multiply with their numbers. England can only give us a motherly smile knowing we're about to go through our occupation-of-India phase.
Attorney General-designate Alberto Gonzales told a skeptical Senate Thursday that he will abide by treaties which ban torture. The White House is worried. He hasn't even been confirmed yet and already he shows signs of not being a team player.
Iraq vowed to hold elections this month in the face of insurgent attacks and dwindling U.S. options. We might pull out entirely, we might mow everybody down or we might invade Syria to change the subject. Let no one question America's resolve.
President Bush outlined his second-term goals Monday. He wants to reform the legal system, Social Security, the tax code, schools, the budget and health care. Everybody in Congress is just grateful that he doesn't have enough troops to do it.
<<<Rove and DUBYA are going to SAVE Social Security?
R-i-i-i-i-iGHT!
John Kerry might have won the election if he had been able to connect better. Exit polls said Senator Kerry seemed detached from the needs of ordinary Americans, as opposed to Bill Clinton who was on top of everything.
Election Day wound up being a thrilling race to the finish line. The numbers were closer than any re-election since Wilson stole Ohio in 1916.
Basically, the electorate was almost evenly divided. One-third wanted Bush, one-third want Kerry, and everybody else wants Queen Elizabeth to forgive us and take us back.
The U.S. Navy acknowledged Thursday that it might yield to budget pressure and retire the USS John F. Kennedy. The aircraft carrier is obviously haunted. The ship starts spinning like a top whenever it gets within reach of the Virgin Islands.
A German historian says Adolf Hitler was a tax dodger, that he never paid income tax on 8 years of earnings. Also — Hitler broke several zoning laws with that bunker.
NOW HERE'S SOMETHIN' REALLY, REALLY IMPORTANT!
The Orange Bowl hosted the national championship game Tuesday and USC trounced Oklahoma. How big are these programs? This game was for people who were tired of watching man versus nature on the news every day and wanted to see some REAL CONFLICT.
Richard Gere appeared in a commercial on Arab television Tuesday in which he urged Palestinians to vote this weekend. It sounded a little foolish. He said he was speaking for the entire world when everyone knows that's Michael Moore's job.
<=== A Real Blonde!
The Mars Rover rolled out this past year with its cameras aimed at Mars and Planet Earth. They provided scary sights. When Martians looked into the monitor and saw Michael Jackson dancing on a truck, they thought one of their own was in trouble.
The Statue of David was displayed in Florence Monday surrounded by a curtain of air to protect the masterpiece from dust tracked in by tourists. The method of cleaning is controversial. The first three products they tried caused jock itch.
Here in Metro Fairborn we got so much rainfall this week that the biker next door accused Aquaman of hitting on his wife.
Boy - after a few days of Spring-like temperatures and torrential rains here in Metro Fairborn - conditions got worse last night. It was so cold that the biker who lives next door paid the Central Avenue hooker twenty bucks to blow on his hands.
Remember Earth Day 2004? The Queen Mary II finished its maiden voyage across the North Atlantic Ocean on Earth Day. Thanks to President Bush's global warming policy the ship was in no danger from icebergs - but it was almost swallowed by a tropical fish.
There's no doubt - the surprise blockbuster movie of 2004 was Mel Gibson's The Passion. You know they show it to prison inmates. What a healing gesture. The movie gives Hispanic, white supremacist and black prison gangs a chance to experience the redemptive power of anti-Semitism. J
James Caviezel, who played Jesus Christ in The Passion of the Christ, was struck by lightning during the crucifixion scene. Yes, some major religious figures were CRITICAL of the film . . . ___________________________________________________________
WARNING 
NC-17
President Bush and Rumsfeld are sitting in a bar President Bush and Rumsfeld are sitting in a bar. A guy walks in and asks the barman, "Isn't that Bush and Rumsfeld sitting over there?"
The barman says, "Yep, that's them."
So the guy walks over and says, "Wow, this is a real honor! .
What are you guys doing in here?"
Bush says, "We're planning WW III."
And the guy says, "Really? What's going to happen?"
Bush says, "Well, we're going to kill 140 million Muslims this time and one blonde with big tits."
The guy exclaimed, "A blonde with big tits? Why kill a blonde with big tits?"
Bush turns to Rumsfeld and says, "See, I told you no one would worry about the 140 million Muslims!
<<<Rain, rain, go away . . .
Questions? DA REV HAS ANSWERS!
How do you tell that you have a high sperm count?
Your girlfriend has to chew before she swallows.
Why are electric trains like women's breasts? They were designed for kids, but the father usually winds up playing with them.
How come Mike Tyson's eyes water during sex? Mace.
What do soy beans and vibrators have in common? They are both meat substitutes.
What do a pizza delivery guy and a gynecologist have in common? They can both smell it, but they can't eat it.
Art Photographer - Brandt
Carlos calls his boss in the morning: "Ey, boss i not come work today I really sick. I got headache, stomach ache, my legs hurt I not come work."
The boss says: "You know Carlos I really need you today. When I feel like this I go to my wife and tell her to give me a blowjob. That makes me feel better and I can go to work."
You should try that. 2 hours later Carlos calls: "Boss, I did what you said and I feel great, I'll be at work soon. And by the way, you got a nice house."
NICE HOUSE!
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ALL YOUR BASE ...
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CONTRIBUTE: This blog is being used to shame and verbally abuse Iraqi prisoners. If you would like to contribute to this shameful exercise, send all your Twenty-dollar ($20) bills to Rev. Art’s Church of the Gooey Death & Discount House of Worship in Metro Fairborn, Ohio. If you have landed on this square and said, “What the______?!? - and would like to leave ASAP, shout ”I’m constipated!" (Or “I’m a Reactionary Fundie Repuglican!”); spin around 3 times; click the heels of your ruby shoes together and smoothe K-Y jelly all over yourself! I gotta go . . . ________________________________________________________
Good fortune. Please spread the meme. Comment. Don't smoke in bed.
Rev. Art - Heathen Epistler
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