P.O.E.T.S. - 032605... DA REV & ARETHA... HIPPY ESTHER!... JESUS IS DEAD... NO, WAIT! YEAH HE'S DEAD... PURIM HUMOR!... NUDE PICTURES OF WARREN BEATTY'S WIFE...

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Piss on ever'thin' - t'morra's Saturday, March 26, 2ôô5

T'day's March 25, 2005 - Good Friday 

HELL, IT'S A GREAT FRIDAY!!

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Check out some o' the folks

born on March 25:

1965 Sarah Jessica Parker - actress
1947 Elton John [Reginald Kenneth Dwight] - musician, singer, songwriter
1934 Gloria Steinem Writer - feminist
1935 Johnny Burnette - singer, Founding Brother of Rock 'n' Roll (d: 1964)
1938 Hoyt Axton - singer, musician, songwriter (d: 1999)
1942 Aretha Franklin Grammy Award-winning singer, Rock and Roll Hall of Famer
1942 Rev. Art . . . Rev. Art?!?  And then I woke up!

(Click)  99 Dogs

Happy Birthday to me!
I already got a Jesus bobble-head doll. Get me sum'pin' else . . .

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THE EVOLUTION OF DA REV ...

<=== "WHY - Da Rev doesn’t look a day over 62!"

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Bang it out!

Top Purim Pickup Lines

If Purim means lottery, I think I just hit the jackpot!

If I could rewrite the word Purim, I would put U and I together.

Excuse me, do you have any raisin hamentashen? How about a date?

Excuse me, is that costume felt? Would you like it to be?

This megillah's got your number written all over it 

You must be Queen Esther, cause I'm ready to do whatever you say . . .

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KOSHER CHICKEN

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KOSHER BUNS

LENNY BRUCE SAID IT WAS
THE EASTER BUNNY WHO KILLED JESUS CHRIST!

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COOL TEES

Christ died for our sins, descended into Hell,
and rose again on the third day, in accordance
with the Scriptures . . .
And all I got was this lousy T-shirt!

JESUS's LAST WORDS

Jesus was nailed up on the cross. The crowds were all around him. From on the cross Jesus cries out "John..."
John, hearing this, rushes up to his Lord. Before he can get close a Centurion grabs him and cuts off his right foot and throws him back in the crowd.
Again Jesus cries out "John..."
John again fights his way throughout the crowd. The Centurion grabs him and cuts off his left foot and throws him back.
Jesus cries out yet again "John..."
John drags himself through the crowd with his hands only to meet the same Centurion who cuts of his right hand and throws him back into the crowd.
"John..."
John manages to crawl through the crowd pulling himself along the ground by his left fist and manages to sneak past the Centurion this time. He drags himself over to the cross and looks up at his Master and says "I am here my Lord. What is it?"
Jesus says, "John... I can see your house from up here."

WHAT IF JESUS CAME OUT AS THE REDEEMER TODAY?!?

He’d mosey into town (D.C.? New York City? L.A.?!? Jerusalem on a donkey. It’s in the book. If you would be Messiah you must ride into town on an ass.

People would follow him, if only out of morbid curiosity - until he told 'em to leave all the stuff and gizmos behind.

Pundits would split into camps, one bunch proclaiming him a “has been”; the others, a “definitely won’t be”.

People might say his speeches are as tedious as John Kerry’s.

He sets low goals and consistently fails to meet them.
 
Hillary opines that this Jesus who hasn’t fed any poor hungry people may be depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.

Hey, I kid the true-believers! (I kid Yeti-chasers, too.)
As Shakespeare said:
“Sometimes I think I have no more wit than a Christian . . .”

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BUY THE TEE

WHAT WOULD JESUS SAY ABOUT
THE US INCURSION IN IRAQ?

Da Rev was raised in a Christian household (Yes, Catholics are Christians, too!).

Batman better informed my life and provided a positive role model, whereas Jesus seemed a lot like those guys parading before the House Unamerican Activities Committee: ARE YOU NOW OR HAVE YOU EVER BEEN A COMMIE?
WELL - - I GAVE UP ALL MY MATERIAL GOODS AND COMFORTS TO FOLLOW THAT GUY WHO SAID ‘THE MEEK SHALL INHERIT THE EARTH’!
Uh-Oh! Joe McCarthy had nothin' on Generalissimo W. Bunnypants and his Patriot Act . . .

(Click to see Sister Angelica lose it right there on TV!)

<=== "I should have killed that *@#^$!%  Rev. Art when I had him in the First Grade!"

THAT SCHIAVO SPECTACLE - Continuing . . .

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SLATE   (all)

Kaiser Permanente said Monday questionnaires can be used to screen customers most likely to wind up in emergency rooms. This is diabolical. Americans don't want their medical decisions made by accountants, they want them decided by CONGRESS!

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WONKETTE

President Bush's approval rating has fallen to 45%, the lowest point of his presidency, according to a new USA TODAY/CNN/Gallup Poll. Independent political analysts said the drop may reflect opposition to the White House and Congress intervening in the Terri Schiavo matter.

On Monday, Bush signed a bill passed in an unusual weekend session of Congress allowing federal courts to take jurisdiction over a decision by Schiavo's husband, Michael, to have her feeding tube removed. Polls show that most respondents would have a spouse's feeding tube removed under similar circumstances. The new USA TODAY/CNN/Gallup Poll found the largest drop for Bush came among men, self-described conservatives and churchgoers!

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FLORIDA PROTESTORS

Bag News

In taping over their mouths, are these protesters suggesting that they are being denied the right to give life to their views? 

If Mrs. Schiavo's brain has essentially been reduced to spinal fluid, and any life-like behavior on her part is simply the result of involuntary reflexes, what do these folks mean by "life?"

If credible courts have repeatedly heard this case, and have consistently ruled that it was Mrs. Schiavo's intent not to be kept alive in this manner, then who exactly is being silenced?

What's with the placement of the tape if Mrs. Schiavo's subsistence has no oral aspect to it, and her nutrition is provided solely through a gastric tube?

Considering that the heart attack which led to Mrs. Schaivo's brain damage was caused by bulimia, couldn't these protester be seen as attacking her?
"Well, Little Missy Terri - if you had just kept your food down, you'd still have a life today" . . . )

Do the protesters believe life lasts forever - just as long as nobody breathes a word otherwise?

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DON WRIGHT

THIS JUST __________ IN ! ! 

http://www.argushamilton.com/argus.htm

 

Senator John McCain said Tuesday it doesn't matter if we were wrong about Iraq having WMDs because we were right to topple Saddam. That's the party line. McCain just spent one month in Hollywood where he studied cowboy rhetoric under Wilfred Brimley.

 

The U.S. Army raised the maximum enlistment age to thirty-nine on Monday. They are having trouble meeting their recruitment quotas lately. After President Bush said we should err on the side of life, a lot of guys decided not to sign the papers.

 

Condi Rice in Tokyo failed to get Japan to resume full trade. She was unable to convince the Japanese to drop their import ban on U.S. beef. Something in our diet is making us warlike and until they know what it is, they aren't eating any of it.

 

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Pentagon hawk Paul Wolfowitz was nominated by the White House Friday to head the World Bank. His can-do spirit will be sorely missed at the Pentagon. The Wolfowitz Doctrine holds to the belief that war is like love, it always finds a way.

 

TOM'S RIVER: Still don't believe in global warming? In Africa, the snow-capped summit of Mount Kilimanjaro has melted away to reveal the tip of the peak for the first time in 11,000 years. By the way, "Kilimanjaro" is an old word in an indigenous African language meaning - "White man never satisfied. We're all going to die!"

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SLATE

 

Robert Blake was acquitted of murder in Los Angeles last week. Hollywood was shocked. If you had told us five years ago that a former ABC-TV prime time star would get away with murdering his wife, most people would have guessed Frank Gifford.

 

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SLATE

(Click below to view The DeLorean 2ôô5)

Hillary Clinton called for both sides of the abortion debate to find common ground. She wants women to know how to avoid unwanted pregnancies. This means that in a Hillary Clinton Administration, Monica Lewinsky could be Surgeon General.

 

President Bush hosted Mexico's president Vicente Fox in Texas this week. Protocols were maintained. Vicente Fox can't leave Mexico without his Senate's approval, making him about the only Mexican who cannot freely cross the border whenever he feels like it.

 

Da Rev sez: KICK ME, BEAT ME, GOUGE ME - - I’M AN AMERICAN CITIZEN-CONSUMER-TAXPAYER!
Stick an American (hecho en Mejico) Flag on a wooden stick in me - - I’M DONE!

 

President Bush on Wednesday banned Canadian beef and then he offered Mexico no aid before he threatened Democrats on Social Security and warned North Korea to disarm for the last time. Don't worry, he's harmless. With no troops and no chance for re-election, the world can finally relax and enjoy Triumph the Insult President.

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President Bush met Mexican president Vicente Fox and Canada's prime minister Paul Martin at Waco. They announced the creation of the Security and Prosperity Partnership of North America. Then they said it had to be between a man and a woman.

 

Tennessee legislators voted last week to allow voters to decide whether to ban gay marriage. We know how this vote turns out. Even Jed Clampett was forced to move to Los Angeles after he made forty million dollars and still didn't get married.

 

HERE'S SOMETHING REALLY,
REALLY IMPORTANT!

 

Apparently, there are a lot of folks from out of town visiting Metro Fairborn, Ohio. They're here on spring break. Go figure! Haven't they heard of the Bahamas?

About half of them are students from Springfield who are afraid to fly.

They've picked a bad time to be in Fairborn, 'cuz our hooker is on spring break.

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Texas Tech legend Bobby Knight led his team to the Sweet Sixteen of the NCAA tourney Saturday. He complained that nobody backed him up when he was in Indiana. Bobby Knight once got into a fight with his dog and his wife said the dog was right.

 

Congress grilled baseball sluggers last week to see if they got rich by using steroids. Even without steroids their earning power is amazing. Mark McGwire's rookie urine sample was recently auctioned off by Sotheby's for two million dollars.

 

Senator Ted Stevens introduced a bill to put cable TV under federal decency guidelines. He was upset by a movie that aired on cable that depicted group sex. What is the matter with this guy, hasn't he ever seen eight people in love before?

 

Click it: DANCING HILLARY! 
(Dance move buttons on left; special effects, right . . .)

Hillary Clinton vs. God

Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton, and Al Gore were in an airplane that crashed. They're up in heaven, and God's sitting on the great white throne. God addresses Al first. "Al, what do you believe in?"
Al replies, "Well, I believe that the combustion engine is evil and that we need to save the world from CFCs and that if any more freon is used, the whole earth will become a greenhouse and we'll all die."
God thinks for a second and says "Okay, I can live with that. Come and sit at my left."
God then addresses Bill. "Bill, what do you believe in?"
Bill replies, "Well, I believe in power to the people. I think people should be able to make their own choices about things and that no one should ever be able to tell someone else what to do. I also believe in feeling people's pain."
God thinks for a second and says "Okay, that sounds good. Come and sit at my right."
God then addresses Hillary. "Hillary, what do you believe in?"
"I believe you're in my chair."

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PERCHANCE TO DREAM . . . an exercise.

You are - BLANK- years old.
Your dream is to:

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Leave your mark.

Da rev said: "Hell - I can do this:

I am 63 years old.
My dream is to: spread peace, love and understanding; to discover - really -why can’t we all just get along?; to spit in Tom DeLay’s food; to stick a booger in Phyllis Schaffley’s pile of hair; tie Pat Buchanan to his bed and tattoo a big pink swastika on his forehead. Mmmm . . . that’s all I can think of for now.

Leaving my mark.

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WARNING! NC-17

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I asked Warren Beatty if he had any nude pictures of his wife.

He said, "Of course not!"

I said, Y'wanna buy some?!"

 

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HOW LONG HAS IT BEEN SINCE
DA REV POSTED A BLONDE JOKE?

TOO LONG!

 

A blonde was driving along the highway when a blonde police officer pulled her over for speeding.
Officer: May i see your licence?
Lady: what does it look like?
Officer: its a rectangular thing with a photo of you on it.
The lady looks through her bag and pulls out her compact mirror and hands it to the officer.
The officer opens it up and says 'if you had told me you were a police officer I wouldn't have pulled you over.'

 

(Click) NURSE BETTIE

How can you tell if you're making love to a teacher,a nurse or an airline stewardess? A teacher says we got to do this over and over again til we get it right. A nurse says hold still this won't hurt a bit. And a airline stewardness says put this over your mouth and nose and breathe normally.     (Click) Nothin' like a warm FULLY AUTO ... A man was walking one day in Columbus, when he came to this big house in a nice neighborhood. Suddenly he realised there was a couple making love out on the lawn. Then he noticed another couple over behind a tree. Then another couple behind some bushes by the house. He walked up to the door of the house, and knocked. A well dressed woman answered the door, and the man asked what kind of a place this was. "This is a whorehouse!" replied the madam, a Dayton gal. "Well, what's all this out on the lawn?" queried the man. "Oh, we're having a yard sale today." (Click) OH, NO! NOT AGAIN!   A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in. “Mother, where do babies come from?” The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, “Well dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug and have sex.” The daughter looks puzzled so the mother continues, “That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy’s vagina. That’s how you get a baby, honey.” The child seems to comprehend. “Oh, I see, but the other night when I came into your room you had daddy’s penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?” “Jewelry, my dear. Jewelry.” (Click) Good fortune. Please spread the meme. COMMENT!!  Don't smoke in bed . . .