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If you haven't heard already, the author of the Magical Mystery Memo has outed himself. Everyone, meet Brian Darling, former chief legal counsel for Senator Mel Martinez (R - FL), currently seeking exciting new employment opportunities. But while Darling has admitted authorship of the controversial memo, questions about its distribution persist. For example, Darling isn't sure how the memo escaped his computer. ("He didn't think he ever printed the memo.")
And while Martinez agrees that his hands gave the memo to Senator Tom Harkin (D - Iowa), he doesn't know how his hands got ahold of it. Nor were his hands even remotely cognizant of the memo's actual content. ("Unbeknownst to me, instead of my one page on the bill, I had given him a copy of the now infamous memo that at some point along the way came into my possession.")
Darling doesn't know how Martinez' hands got the memo either. ("He doesn't really know how I got it.")
"Words were used that were not mine, and were not of my choosing. Those words were spoken by others." 
Click"God is dead!" Nietszche declared, so liberals invented the New Deal to replace him. "There is no trust fund!" George W. Bush declared on Tuesday, so now it's back to the Old Deal. Lucky for us, Jesus kicks Social Security's ass!
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COMEDIAN ARGUS HAMILTON's
Best Jokes of the Week:
House Judiciary Chairman James Nonsensenbrenner said he wants to make indecent television a criminal offense. He's talking about prison time. No one would have believed that when we threw the Taliban out of Afghanistan they would have ended up in the U.S. Congress.
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The World Bank said Friday it would tighten security now that Paul Wolfowitz is its president. What has this world become? You invade just one country based on totally false information and you can't start your car for the rest of your life.
Chevron-Texaco won the bidding to purchase the California oil company Unocal. It cost sixteen billion dollars. They are about to become Chevron-Texaco-Unocal, giving the new combined company the world's largest chain of filthy bathrooms.
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House Majority Leader Tom DeLay hired three lawyers plus a crisis consultant to help him survive ethics allegations. Every day it's a new revelation. The latest charge is that he's so crooked he has to screw his pants on every morning.
HERE'S SOMETHIN' REALLY,
REALLY IMPORTANT!
Bill Clinton will speak next month at a Lancaster Chamber of Commerce dinner in Pennsylvania. It's the former president's first visit to Amish country. Hide the children, the farmer's daughter is in the next line.
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Wes Clark - Kippa-in' it real . . .
Barry Bonds received a thunderous one-minute standing ovation on Opening Day in San Francisco Tuesday despite steroid charges. It's all about winning. If John Kerry had bulked up enough he might have carried Ohio.
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Wal-Mart unveiled a new DVD player Friday that edits out all sex and violence from network and cable broadcasts. It's aimed at a highly specialized market. It's for people who don't want the expense and upkeep of an aquarium in their living room.
WARNING! 
NC-17
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CHEESES, I MISS N.Y.P.D. BLUE!
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Greg & Donna!)
| What women would do if they had a penis for a day ... | |
10. Get ahead faster in corporate America. 1. Repeat number 9......
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Four brothers left home for college and they became successful doctors and lawyers and prospered.
Some years later, they chatted after having dinner together. They discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother who lived in another city. The first said, "I had a big house built for Mama."
The second said, "I had a hundred thousand dollar theater built in the house." The third said, "I had a Mercedes dealer deliver an SL600 to her."
The fourth said, "You know how Mama loved reading the Bible and you know she can't read anymore because she can't see very well. I met this preacher who told me about a parrot that can recite the entire Bible. It took twenty preachers 12 years to teach him. I had to pledge to contribute $100,000 a year for twenty years to the church, but it was worth it. Mama just has to name the chapter and verse and the parrot will recite it."
The other brothers were impressed.
Mama wrote: "Milton, the house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house. Thanks anyway."
"Michael, you gave me an expensive theater with Dolby sound, it could hold 50 people, but all my friends are dead, I've lost my hearing and I'm nearly blind. I'll never use it. Thank you for the gesture just the same."
"Marvin, I am too old to travel. I stay at home and I have my groceries delivered, so I never use the Mercedes. The thought was good. Thanks."
"Dearest Melvin, you were the only son to have the good sense to give a little thought to your gift. The chicken was delicious. Thank You."
Three blondes are talking about their boyfriends. "It's funny," says Samantha, "Peter's balls are always cold as ice when I'm sucking his dick."
"You know what?" replies Jenny. "It's exactly the same with my Richard..."
They turn to the third blonde and ask, "When you blow Chris, are his balls cold, too?"
"Ugh! That's disgusting! I never put Chris's thing in my mouth!"
"You're crazy," one of the blondes pipes up. "A good blowjob is the best way to keep a guy. You should try it."
She says she'll think about it. The next morning, they meet at the cafe and the blowjob novice is sporting a wicked shiner.
"Whoa!" the first blonde asks. "How did you get that black eye?"
"Chris hit me when I was blowing him," she says.
"What on earth for?" the second blonde asks.
"I don't know," she replies. "All I did was tell him how strange it was that his balls were so warm, seeing as how Pete's and Richard's are so cold."
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Good fortune. Please spread the meme.
COMMENT! Don't smoke in bed . . .
Rev. Art
