P.O.E.T.S. 042305 || 'THE HAMMER'S BIG ROD... PASSOVER JEOPARDY... IS ANNIE A TRANNY?... SHE'S ALWAYS LOOKED LIKE LINDA RONSTADT...

PISS ON EVER'THIN' - 
T'DAY'S SATURDAY, APRIL 24, 2ôô5

   

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Slate

I don't believe there really IS a GAS SHORTAGE ...  I think it's all just a BIG HOAX on the part of the plastic sign salesmen - to sell more numbers!!

   

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Slate

Mr and Mrs PED, can I borrow 26.7% of the RAYON
TEXTILE production of the INDONESIAN archipelago?

DA REV IS SURE THERE'S 
A SEX LUBRICANT NAMED "DE-LAY"!

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Low Culture

Tom DeLay denied all wrongdoing in a mailing to supporters. It's not going well. No one wants to say that the end is near for Tom DeLay but when he spoke to the National Rifle Association last Saturday night they didn't even OFFER him coonskin cap!

The NRA invited Tom DeLay to speak at their annual convention last weekend in Houston. It took over three days just to get all the conventioneers checked into their hotel rooms. You know how they hate to register.

Photo & comments from the usual suspects @
Low Culture

Can you tell - is this Daniel Boone character touching himself?

"Mmmm that's quite a powerful rod you holdin' there Mr. Hammer, mind if I rub it for you?"

"They'll get this sweet piece when they pry it from my meaty, sweaty hands!"

"Now lemme just get a bead on one a them 'activist judges' - they won't be pickin' on me any time soon, Dan'l!"

Passover began Thursday at sundown -
(Click to see SRUGI CAT)

Remember, Kids - you may not have pizza for a week -
but you can have ALL the HORSERADISH you WANT!

(Click) IT'S YOUR SEDER SIDEKICK!

Bang it out!

JEWISH JEOPARDY! Bang it out!
We give the answer, you give the question!

A: Midrash
Q: What is a Middle east Skin disease?

A; The Gaza Strip
Q: What is an Egyptian Belly Dance? A: A classroom, a Passover ceremony, and a latke
Q: What are a cheder, a seder, and a tater? A: Sofer
Q: On what do Jews recline on Passover? A: Babylon
Q: What does the rabbi do during some sermons? A: Filet Minyan
Q: What do you call steaks ordered by 10 Jews? A: Kishka, sukkah, and circumcision
Q: What are a gut, a hut and a cut?  Yow!  Am I cleansed yet?!Oh - by the way - an enterprising Rabbi is offering circumcisions via the internet.
The service is to be called ... "E-MOIL." 

Ann Coulter appeared on the cover of TIME,
April 25, 2005:

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Ann the Man? Is Annie a Tranny?!?

Along with the photo - there are these comments from the usual suspects @ Low Culture

I thought Time Magazine had a no-hermaphrodite policy on its mag covers ...

Or, perhaps MORE troubling for some -
She is a PENTAGRAM! (Really - check it out!)

I wish that she would stop defiling that barcelona chair.
It looks like she's waiting in a psychologists' office for the results of her MMPI.
Congratulations, "Ann," you can have the operation!

How about those scary white nurse's hose?
Or maybe her legs are actually that WHITE!

And she's wearing the Wicked Witch's shoes.
You know what they say ... Big feet, big Pete.

(Click to view Man Coulter's Adam's Apple!)

MORE here: ManCoulter.com

THIS JUST IN ! !

Here are the best news liners of the week from
Comedian Argus Hamilton 

New York Republicans formed a Stop Hillary Now committee to defeat her. It brings back memories. Stop Hillary Now was originally a Secret Service code meaning the boss's wife landed thirty minutes early and he doesn't have his pants on yet.

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The College of Cardinals elected a seventy-eight-year-old German cardinal to be the new pope Tuesday. The Vatican admitted the new pope ("der Panzer Papst") was a member of the Hitler Youth when he was a boy. In any other profession, Hitler Youth on your resume would end the job interview.

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Slate

Joseph Radzinger instantly became infallible. If you're not the pope you can get the same sensation with one line of cocaine and two shots of Schnapps.

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Low Culture

The Supreme Court agreed Monday to consider if a New Mexico church can serve hallucinogenic tea in its religious services. They can't be the only one. The Hindus didn't encounter that god with four arms and two heads doing Welch's and wafers.

President Bush agreed Tuesday to host a European summit this summer. It was announced an hour after the new pope was elected. Just like clockwork, the moment an ultra-conservative German rises to power, the French want to be our friends again.

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Slate

President Bush was in South Carolina Monday to pitch his plan for privatized Social Security accounts. The president spoke to a joint session of the South Carolina legislature. They listened for five minutes and then seceded from the Union.

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The New York Times ran a story Thursday about President Bush's daily routine at the White House. He spends two hours every day exercising while listening to rock and roll music on his I-pod. Now that he's out of troops he's got a lot of time on his hands.

President Bush said last Saturday on the radio he applauds the parliament in Baghdad for building a democracy that fits Iraq. He urged them to have a government free of bullying and corruption and cronyism. Afterward, Tom DeLay delivered the rebuttal.

President Bush flew to Springfield this week to dedicate the Abraham Lincoln Presidential Museum. Every American can learn a lot by studying the life of Abe Lincoln. President Bush was hoping to learn how to suspend habeas corpus.

President Bush denied Tuesday that he plans to return to baseball after he leaves office. He's an expert on the game and he loves talking baseball strategy. What he enjoys the most is when Henry Kissinger asks him to explain it in layman's terms.

President Bush went to Ohio Friday to push for lower business taxes. Morale there is low. The state is the birthplace of the Wright Brothers, John Glenn and Neil Armstrong, proving that people will do whatever it takes to get out of Ohio.

Bill Frist pledged Tuesday any GOP effort to ban filibusters will only apply to judicial nominations. The filibuster gives a lawmaker a chance to talk as long as he wants without anyone interrupting. It's like being Chris Matthews for one day.

(Click to see "TWEETY")

HERE'S SOMETHIN'
REALLY, REALLY IMPORTANT!!

Good news for out-of-towners. Crime here in Metro Fairborn is at an all time low. The bad news is that it was our leading industry.

Look at the bright side. Fairborn is still the Korean Restaurant capital of America!

Wall Street has had some bad days lately with more down days than ups. The Dow Jones fell two hundred points last Friday. The signs of recession are very real. Yesterday the local news showed two breadlines here in Fairborn, one for white and one for whole wheat.

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Canada passed a law halting tourists with DUI's at the Canadian border. This summer Toronto was scheduled to host the AA world convention. Don't miss it when seventy thousand drunks try to shout the Serenity Prayer together over Niagara Falls.

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New York Yankee Gary Sheffield went nuts in Boston Thursday night when a fan reached for a ball in play and accidentally slugged him in the face. You can't blame him for being angry. Only the alternative minimum tax hit him harder last week.

WARNING!  NC - 18

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There was this Spanish guy, this Korean guy and this Russian guy all working for the same construction company. At the beginning of the day the boss comes out and says to the Spanish guy, "You're in charge of the cement."
Then he said to the Russian guy, "You're in charge of the dirt."
Then he said to the Korean guy, "You're in charge of the supplies."
Then he said, "I'm gonna be back at the end of the day to check on your work. It better be good or you're fired."

So they all go off to go get their work done.
At the end of the day, the boss comes back to check on their work. He looks at the big pile of cement and goes, "Good work," to the Spanish guy.
Then he looks at the big pile of dirt and says, "Good work," to the Russian guy.
Then he couldn't find the Korean guy so he asks, "Where the heck is the Korean guy?"
All of a sudden, the Korean guy jumps out from behind the big pile of dirt and yells, " SUPPLIES!"

(Click) "She makes an Uzi look cute!"

Two recent Pakistani immigrants wanted to become more American. The first guy decided to make a bet to see who might become the most American after one year. One year later, the two Pakistani-Americans meet. The first guy says, "I drive a Cheverolet Truck, my son plays baseball on his public school team, I own a house in a respectable neighborhood, and I drink Budweiser."
The other guys says, "Yeah? Fuck you, Towelhead!"

(Click) <=== "I WANNA LOOK LIKE LINDA RONSTADT ONCE AGAIN!"

ENJOY!  -  DA REV