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Artist: Lauzan
Equal opportunity is good, but special privilege is better.
(Click)Happy Mother's Day!
Slate
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Primo product placement:
I'm a pepper, she's a pepper...
Wouldn't you like to pepper spray those
Muslim savages, too?
Dr. Pepper: The Choice of a New Retardation
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"Don't tread on me . . ."
I can not tell the Christians from the crazy people. What does this mean?
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I use irrational numbers to count religious people.
I use imaginary numbers to count gods.
This week's best current affairs jokes from
COMEDIAN ARGUS HAMILTON
THIS JUST _____ IN ! !
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President Bush was in Mississippi Tuesday to push his Social Security reform and tout his psychotic U.N. ambassador nominee. All he has to do is give the word. By now Southerners will follow President Bush anywhere, if only out of morbid curiosity. 
(Click to view John Kerry's truck)
The U.S. Mint honored the legendary Chief Justice John Marshall on Thursday by stamping his face on a brand-new silver dollar. He wrote the Marbury vs. Madison decision in 1803 allowing federal courts to overturn laws passed by Congress. When someone explains this to Tom DeLay the coins will never be allowed out of the vault.
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CNN anchor Judy Woodruff (wife of journalist - CNN Capitol Gang Host Al Hunt) announced Thursday on Inside Politics she will step down as host of her daily political show. She's known throughout Washington as an eminently fair reporter who covers both sides of every story. So she had to go.
President Bush was upstaged again by his wife's wicked wit in the Rose Garden Monday. He could get even with her and hold her life and her misjudgments and her family up to public ridicule. He could nominate her to the Federal Court of Appeals.
New Mexico police surrounded a middle school in Clovis Friday when a student walked in with what they thought was a weapon. The kid was all over the national news when it turned out that he had a thirty-inch burrito. The next day the eighth grader got a call from Mary Kay LeTourneau asking him if he had any plans for Saturday night. 
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Slate
Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger said Thursday he welcomes the Minuteman Project to help patrol the Mexican border. His popularity is teetering. The question is, will it help him or hurt him when it comes out that the pope served with his dad?
The pope has called an enclave So soon? Yup, Pope Benny gathered all the Cardinals together once again and announced,
"I have good news - and I have bad news!"
"Tell us the good news first!" bleated Cardinal Law.
"Well, Jesus has returned to the Earth. It's the Second Coming!"
"The bad news is - he called me from Salt Lake City!"
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Slate
President Bush held hands with Saudi Crown Prince Abdullah and kissed him on Tuesday. Two days later he declared he has done everything he can do to lower gasoline prices. He will bend over backward for the American people but not forward.
President Bush warned Thursday that seventy-two million Americans will be drawing Social Security after baby boomers retire. In addition, experts say baby boomers will be living a lot longer. All those warnings about drugs turned out to be untrue, Man ... 
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HERE'S SOMETHING
REALLY, REALLY IMPORTANT!
Several local school districts across Ohio had property tax levies on the ballot this past Tuesday. Most were turned down. Many districts, including the Metro Fairborn Schools, are damn near bankrupt. But Fairborn's schools are full of honor students. "Yes your honor.” "No your honor.” "Not guilty your honor.”
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Saturday is the Kentucky Derby. For the first time, top finishers will be tested for drugs. I guess officials got suspicious when they realized a lot of the horses were as big as Jose Canseco.
Bellamy Road was listed as the favorite to win the Kentucky Derby Saturday. It's a great day for racing. In the undercard, Jennifer Wilbanks will try to outrun her fiance and the Georgia state police and six guys in white coats with butterfly nets. 
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GENE VINCENT
More than Elvis or Chuck Berry,
or Little Richard or Buddy Holly -
Gene Vincent & The Blue Caps were originals.
Gene defined most of what ROCK would become -
including ATTITUDE!
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BLUE GENE
Blue Jean Bopper
More photos - Rockabilly Hall of Fame
Texas legislators in Austin introduced a bill Tuesday to require high school cheerleading routines to be less sexy. The pom-pom routines are out of hand. Of the ten top high school cheerleading squads in the Southwest, six work with poles. 
(Click to see the real reason the
TV series "Everybody Loves
Raymond" is coming to an end ...)
Adolf Hitler's nurse Erna Flegel granted the first newspaper interview of her life Monday. She lives in a nursing home in Germany. She kept her secrets for sixty years until there was a pope who could hear her confession without judging her.
NC - 17
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Artist: Richard Blanchard
Roq LaRue
SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE!?!
What is a Yankee?
The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.
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Cute Kids . . .
Why is air a lot like sex?
Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.
(Click to view, Sports Fans! VINTAGE! )
What do you get when you put 50 lesbians
and 50 politicians in a room together?
100 people who don't do dick...
Why is there no Disneyland in China?
No one's tall enough to go on the good rides
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There's a Samuel Jackson Action Figure?
An older, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday
evening with a beautiful young gal at his side. He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.
The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring and showed it to him. The old man said, "I don't think you understand, I want something very special."
At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over. "Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000," the jeweler said.
The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled
with excitement. The old man seeing this said, "We'll take it."
The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old man stated, by check. " I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon," he said.
Monday morning, a very teed-off jeweler phoned the old man.
"There's no money in that account."
"I know", said the old man, "but can you imagine the weekend I had?"
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"Oop-Boop-A-Doop!"
A bartender is getting ready to close for the night when a robber bursts in and pulls a gun.
“This is a stickup!” He yells. “Put all your dough in a bag!”
“Don’t shoot,” pleads the barkeep. “I’ll do whatever you say!”
The bartender stuffs all the money into a bag and hands it over. The crook snatches it and then puts the gun to the bartender’s head and says, “All right, now give me a blow job!”
“Anything!” cries the bartender. “Just don’t shoot!”
The bartender gets on his knees and starts blowing the guy. After a few minutes, the robber gets so excited he drops his gun.
The bartender picks the gun up off the floor - and hands it back to the robber.
“Hold the gun, dammit,” he says. “One of my friends might walk in!”
(Click to see how that
bedtime story REALLY ends!)
Don't fuck with Goldilocks!
(Click)TITLE: "THE PARTY'S OVER"
Good fortune. Please spread the meme.
