MINISTER OF RANTS

BURN THESE BOOKS - DO IT NOW!!... DUBYA DISASSEMBLER... BUCHANAN BLAMES 'DEEP THROAT' MARK FELT FOR EVERYTHING THAT'S GONE WRONG... DOMINIONISTS ARE TAKIN' OVER!...

 

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DOVER

DRUDGE

From pages 356-7 of THE SURVIVOR: BILL CLINTON IN THE WHITE HOUSE by John F. Harris, national correspondent for the WASHINGTON POST:

Context is Sally Quinn's article from 11/98 explaining why the Washington Establishment was appalled by Clinton's behavior during Lewinksy.

Some time afterward the president was going over papers with his staff on the upcoming Presidential Medal of Freedom awards. Spontaneously, he launched into a little riff for his assembled aides. His nominee for the prestigious award this year would be none other than the famous [Wash. Post editor during Watergate] Ben Bradlee, husband of Sally Quinn.

The aides looked on in puzzled amusement.

"Anyone who sleeps with that bitch deserves a medal!" he explained.

___________________________

Ten Most Harmful Books of the 19th and 20th Centuries

May 31, 2005

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HUMAN EVENTS asked a panel of 15 conservative scholars and public policy leaders to help us compile a list of the Ten Most Harmful Books of the 19th and 20th Centuries. The ususal suspects appeared: The Communist Manifesto, Das kapital, Mein Kampf, Chairman Mao's March of a Thousand Miles Jokebook, etc.

Some surprises for some of us, I suppose, include, the definitive books of some progressive thinkers and ATHEISTS: Kinsey, Freud, Darwin (2 Books), Dewey, Nietzche, Comte, Darwin, Betty Friedan, John Stuart Mill, B.F. Skinner, and WHO?!? - JOHN MAYNARD KEYNES?

HOLY CRAP! Where would we be without Darwin, et al.? Indeed - where will we end up if the red states really determine our future attitudes, perhaps including the books that shall be tossed on the bonfire.

People who read Human Events uncritically scare me . . .

__________________________

Ya can't make this shit UP!!  WONKETTE

Bush's Final Word on the Amnesty International Report

Thanks to those of you who wrote in to "correct" our new intern's spelling in his transcript of Bush's remarks this morning, but you'll have to address your corrections elsewhere, namely, [email protected]. As you may recall, Bush was asked about the "modern Gulag" report put out by Amnesty International. He replied (according to the WH transcript):

It seemed like to me they based some of their decisions on the word of -- and the allegations -- by people who were held in detention, people who hate America, people that had been trained in some instances to disassemble -- that means not tell the truth. And so it was an absurd report.

To give the President some credit, terrorists are also trained to take things apart. We wouldn't dissemble about that.

_________________________

Deep Throat Named Again
It was always Felt that the FBI Exec was the Leaker
From the archived Rants, 022105.

  A poll by Editor & Publisher picks Chief Justice William Rehnquist as the likeliest person to be the Watergate leaker described by Bob Woodward and Carl Bernstein in their book, "All The President's Men". The main reason to suspect Rehnquist is that he's dying.

Timothy Noah over at SLATE managed to urge another column out the current speculation concerning the secret source for Bob Woodward during the unfolding of the Watergate scandal: "Rehnquist Wasn't Deep Throat," says Tim. He still is betting on Fred Fielding or FBI guy Mark Felts.

Da Rev finds Felt more likely than most, but he is sticking with Leonard Garment, if only 'cuz he's rumored to be seriously ill - and he's the kind of guy I'd pick to be a hero in a line-up with the usual suspects . . .

(Click me. I'm not a crook!)

No surprise - on Hardball with Chris Mathews, Pat Buchanan said Mark Felt was "disloyal" - and he was responsible for the Nixon resignation, the consequential loss in 'Nam, " "the holocaust in Cambodia" . . . at which point Mathews was uncharacteristically lajghin' his ass off and saying, "Good night, Pat".
__________________________

THE DOMINIONISTS ARE TAKING OVERTHE DAMN COUNTRY!
"The Crusaders" - By BOB MOSER -
an investigative journalist for ROLLING STONE  (Click link)
Christian evangelicals have a stealth plot to remake America in their own image ...

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Good fortune. Don't smoke in bed . . .

P.O.E.T.S. - 052805 || MEMORIAL DAY, AUDIE MURPHY, PAT TILLMAN... MASTURBATION - WHAT COULD IT HURT?!...

PISS ON EVER'THIN' -
T'MORRA'S SATURDAY, MAY 28, 2ôô5

  MONDAY IS MEMORIAL DAY

                    

"The Real Heroes are the ones who never came home ..."
[ Audie Murphy ]

 
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Audie Leon Murphy
The most highly decorated
U.S. soldier of World War II.

(Click)

Audie Murphy, Movie Star

Pat Tillman, who quit the NFL to join the Army and was killed by friendly fire in Afghanistan last year, was posthumously given the Audie Murphy Patriotism Award - July 4, 2004.

Click

SLATE

Don't let me forget - I want to read my new poem about pork brains and outer space ...

   (Click)

SLATE

I know th'MAMBO!!  I have a TWO-TONE CHEMISTRY SET!!

THIS JUST ________ IN ! !

  (Click)

Comedian Argus Hamilton

The week's best current affairs jokes

STOP ME -  if you've heard this one! A Jew, a Muslim and a former librarian walk into a mosque ...

Laura Bush was heckled and jeered in Israel by angry crowds during her appearance at Arab and Jewish shrines. Her unhappiness was plainly visible. She just has to learn as a beginning comedian that it's not always going to be great.

Laura Bush kept her cool in Israel while she was being heckled at the Wailing Wall and the Dome of the Rock. It's hard to build an act. The upside of the trip is, the jokes she gets from the Arab-Israeli conflict will be good forever.

(Click)

SLATE

South Korea revealed Friday its scientists successfully cloned embryonic stem cells. The possibilities for cloned embryos are endless. Parents today want to make sure they have children who are smart, who are strong and who can produce wool.

Dr. James Dobson ripped the Senate compromise on judicial nominees Monday. It cost the confirmation of two of his favorite judges. Conservatives might be more open to stem-cell research if they thought it could be used to clone Justice Scalia.

Click

Landover Baptist

President Bush vowed to veto the stem-cell research bill in Congress. Surprisingly, many religious conservatives are looking favorably toward the research. Benny Hinn has finally realized that he can't heal his hair.

President Bush vowed Wednesday to veto the stem-cell research bill which was passed by the House. He declared he simply does not support the use of federal dollars to destroy life. If only he meant that, we might be out of Iraq by Tuesday.

(Click)

SLATE

The White House announced that German Chancellor Gerhard Schroeder will visit the White House. We have reached a low point with our allies on the continent. Once the trust goes out of a relationship it's really no fun lying to each other anymore.

CLICK

The New York Times revealed Sunday that two hundred sex offenders in New York got free Viagra pills from Medicaid. It's easy to see how this could happen. Before these people got ahold of the Viagra they were listed in the database as JAYWALKERS!

WHOA! DID YOU HEAR?

The FDA is investigating reports of BLINDNESS among users of of the popular blue pill prescribed for erectile dysfunction! CHEESES!! Didn't your DAD warn you to quit spankin' the monkey or you could go BLIND?!?

CLICK

My Dad never handed me any o' THAT CRAP! He said it would make me CRAZY! And he was RIGHT!

Saddam Hussein sued the London Sun and New York Post over photographs of him in his underwear in jail. They show him in spartan living conditions. His cell doesn't even have a dresser so he is forced to keep his socks in his underwear.

(Click)

SLATE

The U.S. Senate compromised Monday on its right to filibuster President Bush's judicial nominations. The two sides are centuries apart. Democrats insist on pro-choice judges and Republicans believe that every bishop deserves an up or down vote.

CLICK

Republican economist Larry Kudlow said Sunday the Bush economic reforms have become lost in a hopeless morass. Both sides are confused. The GOP is split between Whigs and evangelicals and Democrats don't know if morass is one word or two.

Click
SLATE

President Bush gave the commencement address Saturday at Calvin College in Michigan where he was wildly cheered. He was very comfortable there. They teach you that geometry is just Satan's way to get young people to draw his symbols.

Click
SLATE

HERE'S SOMETHING
REALLY, REALLY IMPORTANT!

Disneyland celebrated all weekend to observe the fiftieth anniversary of the theme park in Southern California. They do a great job of keeping the park up-to-date and current. Tomorrowland has been turned into a scale model of Mexico City.

Click

The U.S. Senate debated the judicial nominations of Priscilla Owen and Janice Rogers Brown Thursday. It's sad. Polls show the American people have no interest in these judges unless it can be proven that they slept with one of the contestants.

Burt Reynolds slapped a CBS News producer in the face at the premiere of The Longest Yard Tuesday. He became completely unhinged. The jockeying has already begun for the post of U.N. Ambassador in case John Bolton is voted down in the Senate.

Click

TIME Man

The Parents Television Council ripped Paris Hilton's new commercial. It shows her rolling her body on a car covered in soap suds. It taught a youth group in Los Angeles how to raise two hundred thousand dollars for church camp in four hours.

Mel Brooks revealed Tuesday his next show will be the stage version of Young Frankenstein. The timing is just terrible. Conservative groups are never going to support stem-cell research if they think it's going to lead to a Broadway musical.

Click
SLATE

Star Wars Episode Three enjoyed a record-high box office opening weekend and is the third hit prequel to the original Star Wars movie. A light just went on in Mel Gibson's head. Think of how much money he will make beating Jesus as a child.

Click

Porn star Mary Carey will attend a GOP congressional fundraising dinner in Washington D.C. in two weeks. This must be her social coming-out party. She has spent her entire professional career preparing to become a lobbyist on Capitol Hill.

WARNING!

NC - 17

 

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SUPPORT THE TROOPS -

BRING 'EM HOME!

CLICK

A study conducted by UCLA's Department of Psychiatry has revealed that the kind of face a woman finds attractive on a man can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle.
For example: If she is  ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features.  However, if she is menstruating, or menopausal, she tends to be more  attracted to a man with scissors lodged in his temple and a baseball bat jammed up  his ass while he is on fire. Further studies are expected.

                     

Click 

Show and Tell

Dave works hard at the plant and spends two nights each week bowling and plays golf every Saturday. His wife thinks he's pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club.
The doorman at the club greets them and says, "Hey, Dave! How ya doin?"
His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before. "Oh no,"
says Dave. "He's on my bowling team."
When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if he'd like his usual and
brings over a Budweiser. His wife is becoming increasingly
uncomfortable and says, "How did she know that you drink Budweiser?"
"I recognize her, she's the waitress from the golf club. I always have
a bud at the end of the first nine, honey.
A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Dave, starts to rub herself all over him and says, "Hi Davey. Want your usual table dance, big boy?"
Dave's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.
Dave follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her. Dave tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it. She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every 4 letter word in the book. The cabby turns around and says, "Geez Dave, you picked up a real bitch this time."

Click

A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After his
checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone.  He said, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe stress disorder. 
If you don't do the following, your husband will surely die. Each
morning, fix him a healthy breakfast.  Be pleasant at all times.  For
lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him.  Don't burden him with chores or discuss your problems with him - it will only make his stress worse.  No nagging.  And most importantly, you have to increase your frequency of intimacy.  If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely." 
On the way home, the husband asked his wife.  "What did the doctor say?" 
"He said you're going to die."

Click

<<<=== "Nobody messes with
my Grandma - got it?

Click it!

Good fortune. Please spread the meme.

COMMENT! Don't smoke in bed . . .

SMILIN' JACK McCAIN SEIZED THE DAY & THE DAYS AFTER... UNCLE THOMAS SOWELL... WELCOME TO THE 'CRAMDOWN DECADE'...

THE "NUCLEAR OPTION" HAS BEEN AVERTED
(FOR NOW) - and John McCain has won the
first debate of the 2008 Presidential Campaign ...

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Steve Bradenton

I saw John McCain on Imus in the Morning (MSNBC) this AM. As always, he was gracious in his appraisal of Senator Frist, insisting that he had maintained contact with the majority leader - even as he managed to undercut his authority. McCain was gracious to a fault until the I-Man wondered, "Why didn't Frist try to stop you?"
McCain spat back, "Because there was nothing he could do about it!"
And the gracious smile returned.

As much as I remain unconvinced that the Dems can describe anything that happened during these negotiations as a "victory" - McCain pulled a significant coup while Senator Frist was having his hair done . . .

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Black Commentator

From William Rivers Pitt @ truthout.com:

" ... All of a sudden, the old-school conservatives found themselves lumped in with the fundies who drove the bus off the cliff. Approval ratings for Congress plummeted to the low 30s, and the Democrats had been handed an unexpected public relations coup.
   
Flash forward to the recent filibuster fight. Majority Leader Frist stapled himself to the cause of getting rid of the filibuster come hell or high water as yet another Schiavo-esqe kowtow to the movement conservatives whom, he believed, would catapult him into the Oval Office. The old-school conservatives watched all this unfold with growing disgust and, in a moment of Caesarian calculation, stabbed their majority leader in the back by cutting a deal with the Democrats behind Frist's back to preserve the filibuster ... Mr. Frist lost control of his caucus, and the so-called 'moderates' who broke ranks even had the temerity to scold Mr. Bush, reminding him that the Senate does, in fact, have the right and requirement to advise and consent on nominees. Furthermore, the movement fundamentalists were slapped down because they dared to tamper with Senate tradition ...

The day after Frist lost control of his caucus, 50 GOP House members defied Bush's promised veto and piled onto an impressive majority that passed legislation approving stem cell research. Bush, whose threatened veto was yet another political sop to the movement conservatives, expected his threat to kill this legislation, but it didn't ... "

WHITE RIGHT-WINGERS CAN'T CONTAIN THEMSELVES - THEY SAY, REV:
"THE LIBERALS CAN'T STAND THOMAS SOWELL -
(Walter Williams, Armstrong Williams, or any
other of a handful of right-wing black pundits)
'CUZ HE'S 'RIGHT', 'DARING', 'BRILLIANT', ETC., ETC."

Well, Thomas Sowell is not stupid. I'm sure he knows quite well that larger, interrelated forces of capitalism and racism play a role in the creation of deep and disproportionate black poverty.  He may go along with the prevailing post-Civil Rights struggle classist assessment that "blames the victim".  Sowell and other black-skinned apologists for white capitalists may, in fact, sincerely believe that there are no living historical forces of racism.

Every honest, seriously interested white citizen of these dis-United States should come to recognize that everyone’s position in America reflects a combination of inherited structure AND personal agency.   If one's self-assessment is colored by biases born of a need to get oneself off the hook, then the right-wing’s vicious victim-blaming insistence that we are all personally responsible for our own wealth and status probably rings true. But I maintain that a white citizen who honestly evaluates where he started his journey and what he carried with him, should realize that a claim that continues to blame the victim serves mainly to provide ideological cover for a regressive and racist policy agenda that heaps benefits on the affluent - most of whom are whites. 

What does this mean to the Thomas Sowells who draw sustenance from the white establishment even as they ignore the metasticization of decadence therein. Is it enough that he enjoys entre to their prestigious institutions - in addition to his middle to upper class status? 

(Click)

The Cram-Down Decade
You met your obligations;
your employer didn't.
Result: You're screwed.
By Daniel Gross @ SLATE
An excellent delineation of yet another
reason to move to Canada!

Doin' da Darwinian Hump ...

Rev. Art - Freethought Evangelist

WHAT DO WE MAKE OF THE FILIBUSTER COMPROMISE? Will there be commemorative T-shirts?...

 
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NO CLEAR WINNER HERE . . .

I'm impressed that several Republican "moderates" demonstrated political courage in standing up to Senator Frist and the Dobson/Theocracist wing of the party; yes, a handful of Republicans wrested control on the "nuclear option" from the leadership - for the time being, anyway.

I believe that the Republicans who stood on the stage with John McCain last night are sincere in their belief that their cause is just and necessary. As usual, Ohio's Senator DeWine stood up long after Ohio's other Senator Voinovich had slipped into the shadows. I enjoyed seeing McCain step in front of the bi-partisan group to draw the spotlights and flashbulbs, although the others had been more heavily involved in cobbling together the "truce". McCain sucked a lot of oxygen out of the room, but he will also reap most of the hateful reprisals from the rabid religious right.

WAS THIS A GOOD DEAL FOR THE DEMS?

I believe they got all they could - basically, a truce - an opportunity to fight another day. Senator Russ Feingold - who may be our next President - said:

"This is not a good deal for the U.S. Senate or for the American people. Democrats should have stood together firmly against the bullying tactics of the Republican leadership abusing their power as they control both houses of Congress and the White House. Confirming unacceptable judicial nominations is simply a green light for the Bush administration to send more nominees who lack the judicial temperament or record to serve in these lifetime positions. I value the many traditions of the Senate, including the tradition of bipartisanship to forge consensus. I do not, however, value threatening to disregard an important Senate tradition, like occasional unlimited debate, when necessary. I respect all my colleagues very much who thought to end this playground squabble over judges, but I am disappointed in this deal."

While I love hearing all the moans and wails over on the right side of the body politic, I fail to see what they think has been changed so radically by this "deal". I must be missing something - but it's fun to watch Michelle Malkin frothing all over her bee-stung lips and lashing out at the "moderate" GOP-ers:

"The GOP parade of pusillanimity marches on. With this pathetic cave-in, the Republicans have sealed their fate as a Majority in Name Only."

The Buzz Blog was damn near apoplectic:

"The Senate Leadership and President Bush have been sold down the river by these seven Republicans. This so called "deal" was a retreat from earlier claims that Democrats were willing to approve five of the seven filibustered nominees. Talk about bad negotiating tactics -- McCain and company actually lost ground when the GOP held all the cards. This is a sad day for the Republic."

Still, as I see it, won't the very nominees (Owen, Brown and Pryor) that the liberals have been howling about now get a vote on the floor of the United States Senate? Try to distill all this onto a T-shirt. I'd really like t' see THAT!


(Click thumbnail to view a practical campaign
tchatschke - touting a pragmatic politician!)

Good fortune. Please spread the meme.

COMMENT! Don't smoke in bed . . .

P.O.E.T.S. - 052205 || GHOSTS SKEW YOUNGER THAN TALKING TO GOD... SEXIEST FASCIST: SADDAM OR PAT BUCHANAN?... WHEN HIS FLY IS UNZIPPED...

WELL HOWDY, REV'LERS!
PISS ON EVER'THIN' -
T'DAY'S SUNDAY, MAY 22, 2ôô5

Here we are in America ...  when do we collect unemployment?

While I'm in LEVITTOWN I thought I'd like to see the NUCLEAR FAMILY!!

I stopped by the White House but they told me President Bush was vacuuming his COIN COLLECTION.

<=== LOOK OUT WORLD! YOW!
I'VE GOT MY ASSOCIATE IN ARTS DEGREE!

I don't know why but, suddenly, I want to discuss declining I.Q.
LEVELS with a blue ribbon SENATE SUB-COMMITTEE!

I love ROCK 'N ROLL!  I memorized the all WORDS to ``WIPE-OUT'' in 1965!!

(Click thumbnail to view the "TOWER OF BABBLE"!)

Photographer - Herman Krieger

When I was young I PRAYED for a BICYCLE.

Then I realized that GOD doesn't WORK that way.

So I stole a bicycle and prayed for FORGIVENESS.
___________________________

CBS' MOONVES: 'GHOSTS SKEW BETTER THAN GOD'

According to Matt Drudge - CBS head Leslie Moonves declared this week: "I think talking to ghosts will skew younger than talking to God."
(What the ___ ?!?)
Yass! Moonves made the starling comments during a breakfast with reporters where he announced his new fall schedule.
"The Ghost Whisperer," a supernatural drama about a woman who communicates with the spirit world, will replace "Joan of Arcadia," which features a young woman who speaks to God and certain saints.
Let's see, now. Unless you subscribe to HBO, your viewing options will consist largely of ridiculous "reality" programs - and insipid "fantasy" dramas . . .

(Click)

You know you are in DUBYA's CHURCH IN CRAWFORD, TEXASS -  when:

People grumble about Noah letting coyotes on the ark. The preacher says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering" and five guys stand up. The restrooms are outside. Opening day of RABBIT-HUNTIN' season is recognized as an official church holiday. Four generations of the same family sit together in worship. There is no such thing as a "secret" sin. Baptism is referred to as "branding". There is a special fund raiser for a new septic tank. Finding and returning lost sheep isn't just a parable. High notes on the organ can set the dogs to howling. People wonder, when Jesus fed 5000 whether the two fish were bass or catfish. People think "rapture" is when you lift something too heavy. The final words of the benediction are, "Ya'll come back now, ya hear?" A member of the church requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive truck because "It Hain't never been in no hole it couldn't get out of." Prayers regarding the weather are standard practice.  When it rains, everyone is smiling. The choir is known as the "OK CHORALE". The pastor wears SNAKE-SKIN boots. AND while they're a-waitin' on all that Faith-Based Initiative booty from Washington they're a-marketin' Biblically-inspired Bumper Stickers: Adam: "You are what you eat." Eve: "At least he doesn't compare me to his mother." Abraham: "I'm goin' not knowin'." Noah: "Honk if you believe in treading water." Moses: "From a basket case to the promise land." Elijah: "When Jezebel ain't happy, ain't nobody happy." Balaam: "My OTHER donkey talks!" Prodigal Son: "All roads lead to home." At the Red Sea: "Caution! Subject to sudden flooding." (Click to view) THIS JUST ____________ IN ! !

Comedian ARGUS HAMILTON

presents the best current events
jokes of the week:

Queen Elizabeth made an official trip to Canada Tuesday. Her timing was exactly right. The Queen of England is right across the border if we need her just as the U.S. Senate is about to prove that the Scots-Irish are incapable of self-supervision.

(Click to see the anchorman about to hit the desk

during the 75th recounting of the "Qur'an in the Thundermug" story . . .)

Mexican President Vicente Fox said Thursday he will formally protest the clampdown on illegal immigration in the United States. He knows the stakes are high. If Mexicans come flooding across the border into Mexico it could overwhelm his schools and hospitals.

Mexico sent Washington a diplomatic note Wednesday complaining about a new U.S. law that bans driver's licenses for aliens and completes a border wall. We ought to be careful here. Mexico's weapons of mass destruction come right out of the tap.

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DUBYA's Notes on Going to War)

Mexico's President Vicente Fox said Friday that dignified Mexicans would do jobs in the U.S. not even blacks will do. Black comedians quickly ordered their Taco Bell jokes to prepare for battle. North Koreans can't get any attention no matter what they do.

John Bolton's U.N. Ambassador nomination should go to the full Senate for a vote any day now. He seems cool. Any guy who can go totally berserk one moment then urge world peace the next moment is, what we call in Central Ohio, the driver in the next lane!

(Click to view)

Intelligent Designing to get it
right the first time . . .
GOD DESIGNS THE ASS!

Los Angeles elected Antonio Villaraigosa mayor Tuesday. No one really seemed to care. People in L.A. are so distracted that on any given day they can be seen on the freeway talking into their handguns and aiming their cell phones out the window. Franklin Graham led an evangelical conclave in prayer for the president last weekend during Justice Sunday. There was a hush as the son of Billy Graham prayed to the son of God for the son of George H.W. Bush. There's less nepotism in Hollywood. YOU CHOOSE - SEXIEST FASCIST ALIVE: (Click) Saddam Hussein? Or Pat Buchanan? It's an ugly contest, but the tabloids are all over it. Da Rev is hoping none of this gets all over HIM! (Click) Who is surprised - that Saddam is breaking the rules? Buchanan is upset - but what the hell, who's he gonna complain to - The UN?!? ISN'T THIS ALL NEWSWEEK's FAULT? Hillary Clinton spoke at Agnes Scott College Sunday in Georgia and the crowd went wild for her. She's trying hard to appeal to red states like Georgia. Three times during her address she referred to the Pentagon as the Yankee War Department. (Click) art burns The Pentagon announced a major round of military base closings Friday. Bases in Louisiana and Georgia and Mississippi are shutting down. It should greatly comfort Iraq to see that the Yankees never stay longer than one hundred forty years. President Bush threatened to veto the highway bill Thursday if GOP lawmakers load it with pet projects. Republicans want two things. They want great big fat government projects in their districts and they want the government off their backs. New York filling station owners complained Thursday about the high price of gasoline. They say their customers have no money left to buy cigarettes and candy. Social Security will really be in a mess when high gas prices cause everyone to live to be a hundred. (Click) Slate Iran's government on Sunday ended four decades of production of the country's number-one selling automobile, the Paykan. It's been a huge favorite throughout the Middle East. This car is comfy, it's roomy and the car bomb comes factory-installed. (Click) DEATH BY ENCRYPTION Tom DeLay was honored by conservatives at a Washington fund-raiser Thursday night. It was a long week for him. During Wednesday's emergency evacuation of the Capitol, three of his relatives fell off the gravy train and nearly broke their necks. NEARLY BROKE THEIR F*CKIN' NECKS!! HERE'S SOMETHING REALLY, REALLY  IMPORTANT! (CLICK) Why not KANSAS? Bill Clinton will be ripped in a new book out next week about seven of his past female accusers. Here we go again. By the time Fox News is finished interviewing them the nation will feel so sorry for Hillary that she will carry all fifty states. Monster-in-Law with Jane Fonda was pulled from two theaters in Kentucky over her trip to Hanoi during the Vietnam War. She hasn't changed. Jane Fonda was just photographed laughing it up with Democrats and posing on top of an enemy filibuster. (Click to see Jane's mug shot) STILL fonda FONDA . . . Bewitched star Elizabeth Montgomery will be honored with a statue in Salem's town square. The statue will mark the seventeenth-century witch trials held by the Puritans. Dr. James Dobson will be there the day it's unveiled to set it on fire. WARNING!   PG-34 (Click on thumbnail to view)

Joe is sitting on a train across from a busty blonde wearing a tiny mini skirt. Despite his efforts, he is unable to stop staring at the top of her thighs. To his delight, he realises she has gone without underwear. The blonde realises he is staring and inquires, "Are you looking at my pussy?" "Yes, I'm sorry," says Joe and promises to avert his eyes. "It's quite alright," replies the woman, "It's very talented, watch this, I'll make it blow a kiss to you." Sure enough the pussy blows him a kiss. Joe, who is completely absorbed, inquires what else the wonder pussy can do. "I can also make it wink," says the woman. Joe stares in amazement as the pussy winks at him. "Come and sit next to me," suggests the woman, patting the seat. Joe moves over and is asked, "Would you like to stick a couple of fingers in?" Stunned, Joe replies, "HOLY CRAP!  Can it whistle, too?" (Click) Roc La Rue

CLICK link: to see the incomparable FAYE DUNAWAY davidlachapelle.com/portraits/ 

(Click thumbnail to visit Disney Land After Hours)
from LA Weekly

Excuse Me, Your Fly Is Unzipped sounds SO TACKY! Try these alternatives: 1. "The cucumber has left the salad." 2. "Someone tore down the wall, and your Pink Floyd is hanging out." 3. "Your soldier ain't so unknown now." 4. "Quasimodo needs to go back in the tower and tend to his bells." 5. "Elvis Junior has LEFT the building!" 6. "Mini Me is making a break for the escape pod. 7. "You've got your fly set for Monica instead of Hillary." 8. "You've got a security breach at Los Pantaloons." 9. "I'm talking about Shaft, can you dig it?" 10. "Men are From Mars, women can see Your Penis." (Click) Landover Baptist

The young blonde bride made her first appointment with a gynecologist and told him that she and her husband wished to start a family. "We've been trying for months now, doctor, and I don't seem to be able to get pregnant," she confessed miserably.
"I'm sure we´ll solve your problem," the doctor reassured her.
"If you'll just take off your clothes and get up on the examining table."
"Well, all right, doctor," agreed the young woman, blushing, "but I'd rather have my husband's baby.

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Hey, Baby - I'm your handyman . . . Come-uh, come-uh . . .

Don't smoke in bed.

WHY DO THEY HATE US SO? - It's all NEWSWEEK's fault!... MOYERS: FAIR & BALANCED OR CONTROLLED MEDIA?... 'BLACKFACE COMEDY' OK IN MEXICO?... PITCHFORK PAT: CONSERVATIVE MOVEMENT'S DEAD... DRUG USE ON THIS WEBSITE...

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SLATE

Once more, let's repeat: NEWSWEEK did a standard vetting of the Qu'ran in the Thundermug story. They ran it past SouthCom and their "unnamed source". While another item was removed based on a suggestion the unnamed source had become unsure about it, the magazine received NO indication that the small item regarding the Muslim holy book was less than solid.

Tim Grieve appreciates that NEWSWEEK felt compelled to retract and apologize for the Quran in the Quaibo in SALON  - but he says,

We're still waiting for McClellan and the truth-before-all crowd for whom he works to answer two questions: Newsweek's sourcing problems aside, did U.S. interrogators in fact flush a Quran down the toilet? And is the deadly rioting in Afghanistan really the direct result of a short item in an American magazine? ... there have been numerous past reports - including from the New York Times, Washington Post, UK Guardian, and the Center for Consitutional Rights - of desecration of the Quran by U.S. interrogators at Gitmo ... the error (no small one) retracted by Newsweek, hinges on Pentagon acknowledgment of abuse - NOT whether such abuses have been taking place ... More than a year later, nobody striding through Washington's halls of power has been held accountable for the systematic practices of abuse at Abu Ghraib prison ...

Da rev thinks MSM journalists, particularly the ones who work the Beltway, tend to discount Iraqis recounting their own personal experiences of abuse in Gitmo and in Abu Ghraib. Think of that whatever you will, but most of these same journalists swallow whole whatever they are fed by American officials denying that such things happened. Maybe NEWSWEEK will name their unnamed source. Maybe they'll take a stand and shame the gummint for trying to blow this all out of proportion and to blow it back on the magazine. If only . . .

FAIR & BALANCED? OR CONTROLLED MEDIA?

Bill Moyers retired 6-months ago. He says if the right-wingers don't quit holding up his program (Now) as an example of what public broadcast journalism should NOT be - he may return to the air. The veteran journalist-author-gummint official spoke at the National Conference for Media Reform in St. Louis, Mo., on Sunday. SALON excerpt of his speech.

... The radical right-wingers (are) obsessed with control using the government to intimidate; I mean the people who are hollowing out middle-class security even as they enlist the sons and daughters of the working class to make sure Ahmad Chalabi winds up controlling Iraq's oil; I mean the people who turn faith-based initiatives into Karl Rove's slush fund, who encourage the pious to look heavenward and pray so as not to see the long arm of privilege and power picking their pockets; I mean the people who squelch free speech in an effort to obliterate dissent and consolidate their orthodoxy into the official view of reality from which any deviation becomes unpatriotic heresy. That's who I mean. And if that's editorializing, so be it. A free press is one where it's OK to state the conclusion you're led to by the evidence.

One reason I'm in hot water (with the Bush-appointees at the Corporation for Public Broadcasting) is because my colleagues and I at "Now" didn't play by the conventional rules of Beltway journalism. Those rules divide the world into Democrats and Republicans, liberals and conservatives, and allow journalists to pretend they have done their job if, instead of reporting the truth behind the news, they merely give each side an opportunity to spin the news.

RANT, BILL MOYERS, RANT!

... Hear me: An unconscious people, an indoctrinated people, a people fed only partisan information and opinion that confirm their own bias, a people made morbidly obese in mind and spirit by the junk food of propaganda, is less inclined to put up a fight, ask questions, and be skeptical. And just as a democracy can die of too many lies, so that kind of orthodoxy can kill us, too ...

VINCENTE FOX IS DUMBER THAN DUBYA!

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In a speech Friday, President Vincente Fox praised the dedication of Mexicans working in the United States, saying they're willing to take jobs that "even blacks" won't do. US gummint officials and critics, black and white, have objected and called for an apology. Fox initially dismissed criticism, refusing even to try to clarify his statement.

Small wonder. Making fun of blacks isn't a cultural no-no in Mexico.

DRUDGE reports:

Blackface comedy, while demeaning to many Americans, is still considered funny South of the Border and many people hand out nicknames based on skin color, according to Mark Stevenson, writing for the Associated Press. Stevenson notes that the conservative opposition leadership has gone on record defending Fox, adding, "even Cardinal Norberto Rivera Carrera, the archbishop of Mexico City, criticized U.S. immigration policy as ridiculous and defended Fox's comments, saying: "The declaration had nothing to do with racism. It is a reality in the United States that anyone can prove."

On the contrera, Cardinal Carrera, there happen to be more African-Americans and whites working in and applying for the same low-end positions that Mexican immigrants are drawn to. When all the political obfuscation from too many Democrats and Republicans is cleared away on all sides, American workers of ANY racial or ethnic descent refuse to accept only those jobs that don't pay enough.

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SLATE


Buchanan sees 'war' within conservatism 

From DRUDGE :

(Excerpted from The WASH-Moonie Times)

By Ralph Z. Hallow  - Published May 17, 2005

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PAT STANDS PAT

(I've always thought Pat's "conservatives" are what the rest of us might call theocracists, anti-Semites, homophobes, pro-Lifers, and high-tariff protectionists ...)

Pat Buchanan speaks of American conservatism in the past tense.
The one-time White House aide, three-time presidential candidate, commentator and magazine publisher says:

"(The conservative movement) doesn't exist anymore as a unifying force, There are still a lot of people who are conservative, but the movement is now broken up, crumbled, dismantled."
      
Mr. Buchanan, a former adviser to Presidents Nixon, Ford and Reagan, says conservatism "is at war with itself over foreign policy, over deficit hawks versus supply-siders ... (There are) "a lot of people who call themselves conservative but who, on many issues, I just don't consider as conservative. They are big-government people."
    
Mr. Buchanan questions that view. For one thing, he says, Mr. Nixon, who imposed wage and price controls on the nation and outraged conservatives with his historic opening to communist China in 1972, was not a conservative. Nor in his view is President Bush or today's Republican Party.

"I was a conservative in the Nixon White House, but there was no question that it was not a conservative White House. Nixon referred to conservatives as 'they.' He used to ask me, 'What do they want?' One time he said, 'Buchanan, you have to give the nuts 20 percent of what they want.'"
   
He was a Goldwater supporter in 1964, but Mr. Buchanan says the Arizona Republican was probably more of a libertarian than a traditional conservative. "But in 1964, he was a hard-core anti-communist, he was for downsizing big government, and on law and order, he was quite tough."
       
In (Buchanan's) 1992 speech to the Republican National Convention in Houston, he declared: "There is a religious war going on in our country for the soul of America. It is a cultural war, as critical to the kind of nation we will one day be as was the Cold War itself."
   
Today he says,  "American culture has become toxic and poisonous. Take a look at what Hollywood produces today and what it produced in the 1950s. The alteration is dramatic. We say we won a great victory by defeating gay marriage in 11 state-ballot referenda in November, but I think in the long run, that will be seen as a victory in defense of a citadel that eventually fell. I can't say we won the cultural war, and it's more likely we lost it."

(At this point in the exchange, Pat Buchanan starts making sense - which is why if you ignore "Pitchfork Populist Pat", you may miss a lot:

Buchanan expresses resentment over the "imperialist" prescriptions of neoconservatives. "I don't think neoconservatives are conservative at all. I'm often asked what exactly is it that they want to conserve. They are Wilsonian interventionists abroad; they are big government at home. I consider myself an independent conservative who votes Republican -- except when I'm on the ballot."
    
... Although he supported Mr. Bush's re-election, he says the president "has abdicated his responsibility to defend America from a foreign invasion. We add half a million illegals to our population each year, most of whom come to work, some to commit crimes against American citizens ... I say, look, the kind of immigrants we want are people who want to come here and become part of the American family ... not just to work and then go back home ... Look, you're going to have 100 million people of Hispanic, primarily Mexican, descent in the American Southwest by the middle of this century, and I think you are in danger of losing the American Southwest, de facto. I think this country is risking coming apart, like other countries in the world, over issues of language, culture and ethnicity."

"The president is in trouble. He's on the defensive, because he is not going to get his guest-workers program. He's going to get a House that tries to impose upon him the obligation to do his duty and defend this country from the invasion from Mexico, which he has refused to do."

WE WELCOME YOUR COMMENTS AND QUESTIONS CONCERNING THIS BLOGSITE:

Q.) (Women Only)
(Click)
ANGELINA ASKS:
What if I am caught with Drugs or Alcohol on this Weblog?

A.) DA REV ANSWERS:
Drugs and alcohol will be confiscated from women by the Minister of Rants (also the Minister of Discipline). You will be stripped naked and a full cavity search will be performed Da Rev or someone that he may designate. You will then be forced to endure the next 30 days perusing Weblog archives without clothing...

<=== Go on, EMOTE!  I was RAISED on thought balloons!! Don't smoke in bed . . .

P.O.E.T.S. - 051405 || 'SECULAR HUMANISTS ARE IN CHARGE!?... OJ - MURDER OR SUICIDE... SEE THAT MOTHERFUCKER PRAY!... PAT ROBERTSON - BITTER BEER FACE?... VOTE FOR KERRY - GET EXCOMMUNICATED... METRO FAIRBORN, DA REV'S LOVE-HATE RELATIONSHIP...

PISS ON EVER'THIN' -

T'DAY'S SATURDAY, MAY 14, 2ôô5

 
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HOLY CRAP!
Da Rev's been appointed Ambassador to Fantasy Island!

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Slate

________________________

Whenever Da Rev is in EXCRUCIATING PAIN he puts on PAMPERS and reads one of DEEPAK CHOPRA's books.

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Stoned Kitty, Kitty . . .

_______________________

Click here for exclusive photo:
DAVE CHAPELLE IN REHAB

________________________

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Blinkorama
Wilburt F. Harsheill, co-chair of the
Religious Freedom Union of America

LINCOLN, NE. Today legislators in the Nebraska State Senate have begun debate on a controversial measure to forbid the teaching of gravity in all institutions accepting state funds. Wilburt F. Harsheill, co-chair of the Religious Freedom Union of America, testified before the Senate Education Sub-Committee that "gravity is just one of many possible explanations why water flows downhill. To eliminate the possibility of Divine Intervention is an affront to the millions of church-goers in our country." In a long and impassioned presentation Harsheill went on to assert that "the secular humanists in charge of education policy in our nation have no explanation for the Ascension of Christ or Old Faithful and that students should be exposed to all sides equally." [Submitted by Massimo Pigliucci]


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Slate


THIS JUST _____ IN ! !

FLASH!! O. J. SIMPSON has been murdered by the "real killer" in an apparent suicide . . .

GO AHEAD - Ask me the DIFFERENCE between PHIL SILVERS and ALEXANDER HAIG!!

__________________

The Dick Cheney's EMOTIONAL RESOURCES are heavily committed to 23% of the SMELTING and REFINING industry of the state of NEVADA!!

__________________

The best current affairs jokes of the week from Comedian Argus Hamilton!


The White House and Capitol and Supreme Court were evacuated Wednesday after a Cessna strayed into restricted Washington airspace. The pilot knew he was in big trouble. As soon as he got out of the plane he took off all his clothes and formed a one-man pyramid.

__________________

Twelve years ago a Cessna crashed into the side of the White House just outside Hillary's bedroom - so the president was never in any danger.

__________________

Da Rev just got back this morning from Washington, D.C.  This political activism thing never works out for me. Wouldn't you know it - the security suits were screaming for everybody to "GET OUT! GET OUT! YOU ONLY HAVE 2 - MINUTES!!" - just AS I walked into th' HOUSE O' REPRESENTATIVES wearin' a round cleric's collar with fourteen WET DOLPHINS and an out-of-date MARRIAGE MANUAL!

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The timeless beauty of
DONNA REED


_____________________

President Bush observed The National Day of Prayer in the White House a week ago Thursday with a rabbi, a priest and James Dobson. It was a bad day for Freethinkers such as Rev. Art. Preachers are like anybody else, they always talk about whoever is not in the room.

(Click to SEE THAT MOTHERFUCKER PRAY!!)
Low Culture
The right hand certainly doesn't know
what the left is doing there, does it? Maybe he should buckle up!

Dr. James Dobson declared Monday that President Bush's legacy depends upon getting his judges confirmed. The fundie preacher wants judges who are conservative, upright and moral. Puritans believe that life is like a box of chocolates and you can't have any.

 (Click thumbnail to view Dr. Pat Robertson)
Is this -
Pat prayin' like a motherfucker?
Pat with a "bitter beer face"?
Pat sufferin' a serious bout with diverticulitis?

Dr. James Dobson warned Sen. Bill Frist Tuesday he is risking his future if he compromises on judges. It sounds like a threat. The staff might come in one morning and find a note on the senator's desk that reads, he sleeps with the loaves and fishes.

Click thumbnail to view
Evangelist Robert Tilton In a
preachin', preyin' frenzy.
Hush, hush, Sweet Charlatan!
_______________________

Q. How do you double the value of a Geo Metro?
A. Fill it with gas.

Q. How many ears did Davy Crockett have?
A. Three - his left ear, his right ear, and his wild front ear.

Slate

The Kansas Board of Education began hearings on Thursday into the teaching of evolution in Kansas schools. The region is bitterly divided. People in Missouri say that evolution can't be taught in Kansas until evolution has occurred in Kansas.

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Roq LaRue


______________________

The pastor of the East Waynesville Baptist Church in North Carolina kicked out nine church members last week after they admitted voting for John Kerry. The nut-fundie preacher claimed there's evidence the Democratic nominee was once an agent of the devil. He played guitar in a band at teen dances.

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Slate




____________________

The new Million Man March is scheduled this October in Washington. It's a Day of Absence from work and school, followed by a Day of Marching, followed by a Day of Religious Reflection. It's the time-tested way of achieving change through vagrancy.

____________________

John "Got Milk?" Bolton, it was revealed Wednesday, told the Senate that policy makers should be free to state their own reading of intelligence. We should appreciate them for the artists they are. Bugsy Siegel looked at a barren strip of desert and saw Las Vegas, while John Bolton looked at the same thing and saw weapons of mass destruction.

 
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__________________________

President Bush wiggled his fanny onstage in the former Soviet state Georgia Monday. He's a incurable flirt. Last week he held hands with the Saudi prince and Sunday he spent all day winking at Vladimir Putin about the need for democracy and an independent judiciary.

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Slate

"EVERYBODY GETS FREE BORSCHT!"

Berlin witnessed a protest march by thousands of neo-Nazis Monday who called for an end to Germany's cult of guilt. The police arrested eight teenage boys for giving the outlawed Hitler salute. Nowadays everyone wants to grow up to be pope.


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"Smoke 'em if y' got 'em, Ace ...

__________________________

New Zealand dropped charges against women who bared their breasts at Prince Charles in protest. It has worked there before. Women flashed their breasts at Bill Clinton to get him to stop docking nuclear subs in New Zealand, but it was his idea.

_________________________

HERE'S SOMETHING
REALLY, REALLY  IMPORTANT!

Here in metro Fairborn, Ohio a puppy is vomiting ...

___________________________

Well, here I am in FAIRBORN ...  I LIKE it.  I HATE it.
I LIKE it.  I HATE it.  I LIKE it.  I HATE it.  I LIKE it.
I HATE it.  I LIKE ...  EMOTIONS are SWEEPING over me!!

Could THIS BE what it feels like to be potato salad?!!

What a tragic mishap - FAUX News is reporting that Jessica Simpson has been struck by a random thought!

Runaway bride Jennifer Wilbanks was reported to be suffering from the stress of sexual abstinence. Her fiance is a devout Southern Baptist. He told her he was not going to sleep with her after he discovered she voted for John Kerry.


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New Yorker

__________________________

The Kentucky Derby was won by Giacomo at Churchill Downs Saturday. The fifty-to-one longshot's victory allowed the bookies to make a record haul of ninety-nine million dollars from losing bets. A racetrack is a place where windows clean people.

 
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"LET THE GoOD TIMES ROLL!"

_________________________

New York prosecutors charged three doctors Tuesday with giving large amounts of Viagra to the Mafia. In return, the doctors got free auto repairs. Warner Bros. just bought the film rights to the news story and plan to call the movie WOODFELLAS!

__________________________

WARNING!

NC - 17




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our GATEKEEPER)

<=== You must be this many
to enter ... Uh. Two One ...


 
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Now I'm having INSIPID THOUGHTS about the beautiful, round
wives of HOLLYWOOD MOVIE MOGULS encased in PLEXIGLASS CARS and being approached by SMALL BOYS selling FRUIT...


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"Peel - A - Boo!"

________________________

A man died and was sent to hell. A few seconds after his arrival, the Devil appeared in a cloud of smoke and said "Why hello, welcome to Hell! You're just in time for dinner, please follow me."
The man followed the Devil rather nervously, wondering what was going to happen, and was surprized to find a table piled high with delicious food waiting for him. Assuming this was his last good meal before hell started, he dug in.
When he was finished the Devil said, "Now allow me to show you to your quarters."
The man sighed and reluctantly followed the Devil down a long hallway. He could hear terrible blood-curdling screams coming from behind a door at the end of the hall. "Well," he thought, "this is it."

To his surprise the Devil turned left at the the door, and led him down another hallway and outside towards a magnificent beachhouse with a Porsche in front. When they got there the Devil handed the befuddeled man the keys to house and car, wished him a nice stay and turned to leave. The man couldn't take it any longer. He said to the Devil "Excuse me, but I don't understand. This is hell, and I'm being treated like a king! What was behind the door we went past on the way here? Is that what's really in store for me?"

The Devil smiled and said, "Why no, the room we went by is reserved for the Catholics. They seem to want it that way."


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Images of the Virgin of Guadalupe have been
showing up in some unlikely places lately -

like this one that appeared on the ceiling
in my studio ...
Roq LaRue

 
(Click to view the late Redd Foxx
having a religious experience in
Da Rev's studio ...)
Artist: Jim Blanchard

Two Arab terrorists are in a locker room taking a shower after their bomb making class, when one notices the other has a huge cork stuck in his butt. "If you do not mind me saying," said the second, "that cork looks very uncomfortable. Why do you not take it out?"
"I regret I cannot", lamented the first Arab. "It is permanently stuck in
my butt."
"I do not understand," said the other.
The first Arab says, "I was walking along the beach and I tripped over an oil lamp. There was a puff of smoke, and then a huge old man in an
American flag attire with a white beard and top hat came boiling out. He said, 'I am Uncle Sam, the Genie. I can grant you one wish.'"

I said, "No shit?"

What's the MATTER, Toby? Is your BEVERAGE unsatisfactory?

 
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Art-Photographer: David la Chappelle

A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?
The husband replied, All I wanted to do was to fuck your brains out, and suck your tits dry.
Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, What are you thinking now?
He replied, It looks as if I did a pretty good job.

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Roq LaRue


An professor was giving an introductory lecture - an autopsy demo - to a class of students. Standing over a corpse, he addressed the class. There are two things you need to make a career in medical forensics. First, you must have no fear. Having said that, he shoved his finger up the cadaver's anus and licked it. Now you must do the same, he told the class.
After a couple of minutes of uneasy silence, the class did as instructed.
Second, the professor continued, you must have an acute sense of observation. For instance, how many of you noticed that I put my middle finger up this mans anus, but licked my index finger?


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__________________________

Q. Did you hear about the blind man who went bungee jumping?
A. He loved it, but it scared hell outta his dog.

SCARED HELL OUTTA HIS DOG!!!



(Click dis chick ...)

I gotta go. Valet - Please have my CLASSIC two-tone, 1958 Nash METRO brought around. Yeah, it's parked next to Fred's AMC Pacer.

Good fortune. Please spread the meme.

COMMENT! Don't smoke in bed . . .

I NAMED MY LOBSTER...

HOW DO YOU COOK LOBSTERS?
Y' boil the sh*t out of 'em!

Little did I realize what I was in for when I brought home 8 - live lobsters in a plastic bucket.

I set about to prepare a fine repast per guest of 1.25-1.50lb Live Maine Lobster, 10 oz. of  Shrimp & Corn Chowder, 1/2lb Shrimp
Potatoes, 4 oz. of Chocolate Espresso Cheesecake. I had fresh Oyster Crackers and a Set of Metal Shell Crackers & Pick Sets for every 2 people, Butter, Lemon, Sea Salt, Bibs, Placemats, Wetnaps, Seaweed & my Nor'Easter Cookbook.



(Click to view Da Rev's Lobster Bake)

I dragged out my heirloom Enameled Lobster Pot and began to bring the water to a boil. Did you have ANY idea that lobsters scream?!? It had never happened to me before - but, check this out - one lobster began squealing in a high (extremely annoying) voice: "OH PLEASE! ARE YOU PLANNING TO BOIL US ALIVE IN THAT THING?"

I was taken aback, but I found my voice and replied, "I've done it lots of times."

The lobster squealed, "THINK HOW THAT MUST FEEL?"

I said, "Every thing I've read says y' just drop the live marine animals into the boiling pot and they feel no pain, seriously!"

The lobster said, "Well, I can see why they might say that. You see, we feel pain - but we're not conscious of the fact that we feel it."

Well, there y' go. I boiled 7 - lobsters we had a magnificent dinner. I stuck the talking lobster in an aquarium. I named her Terri. She talks to me. She says she wants to live . . .


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Bon Appetit!

OVERWHELMED BY THE TRIBE?... THE MAN WHO WROTE 'GOD BLESS AMERICA' WAS AN ATHEIST!... BUSH BASHES FDR & CHURCHILL!... THEOCRACISTS PLAY THE VICTIM CARD... YOURS FOR JAZZ...

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"The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself." 
Thus spake Freddie - [Nietzsche]

May 11 is the birthday of a couple of atheists:
Yup, the man who wrote "God Bless America" was a proud secular Jew with no belief in a deity or an afterlife. Irving Berlin, born Israel Baline, in Russia (1888). He came to this country when he was five years old and settled in New York City on the lower east side.

Another Unbeliever, Physicist Richard Feynman was born in Queens, New York (1911).

Richard Feyman?!? Oh yeah, he's in the comix!
 
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Feynman on-line

WHAT BUSH GOT WRONG ABOUT YALTA
- by David Greenberg writes the "History Lesson" column in Slate and teaches at Rutgers University. He is the author of Nixon's Shadow: The History of an Image.

... Last year, George W. Bush endorsed a revanchist view of the Vietnam War: that our political leaders undermined our military and denied us victory. Now, on his Baltic tour, he has endorsed a similar view of the Yalta accords, that great bugaboo of the old right.

Bush stopped short of accusing Franklin D. Roosevelt and Winston Churchill of outright perfidy, but his words recalled those of hardcore FDR- and Truman-haters circa 1945. "The agreement at Yalta followed in the unjust tradition of Munich and the Molotov-Ribbentrop pact. Once again, when powerful governments negotiated, the freedom of small nations was somehow expendable. Yet this attempt to sacrifice freedom for the sake of stability left a continent divided and unstable. The captivity of millions in Central and Eastern Europe will be remembered as one of the greatest wrongs of history."

... At Yalta, Stalin wanted FDR and Churchill to recognize the Lublin government. They refused. Instead, all agreed to accept a provisional government, with a pledge to hold "free and unfettered elections" soon ...

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L-R: Churchill, FDR, Stalin)

Slate

On IMUS in the Morning today, the I-Man trotted out one of the more predictable keepers of the Commie conspiracy-version of the Yalta-Tehran scenario - unreformed McCathyite Patrick J. Buchanan - to weave Soviet sympathizer/Roosevelt-Truman advisor Alger Hiss into the increasingly confusing picture. Greenberg's article presents a less sinister, more realistic portrait of things facing the Allied Leadership at the end of the greatest, most horrific, expensive and killing war of all history.

... Roosevelt knew that Stalin might renege, and it was perhaps cynical for him to trumpet elections that might never take place. But as the historian David M. Kennedy has written, he had little choice, "unless Roosevelt was prepared to order Eisenhower to fight his way across the breadth of Germany, take on the Red Army, and drive it out of Poland at gunpoint."

Stalin, of course, never allowed elections in Poland or anywhere else. "Our hopeful assumptions were soon to be falsified," Churchill wrote. "Still, they were the only ones possible at the time." Short of starting a hot war, the West was powerless to intervene, just as it was in Hungary in 1956 or Prague in 1968 ...

RANT, REV, RANT:

(Click thumbnail to be thoroughly offended)


The US is the most welcoming of all national gummints for any and all religions, monotheistic or not. The only folks who say differently are theocracists and Dominionists (of various stripes) who are trying to raise the spector of victimhood where there is none. They whip the flames of bigotry and exclusion - and then they whine about the backdraft.

For the most part - it is NOT Hindus, Muslims, Buddhists, Jews, most Catholics or mainline Protestants who are claiming discrimination against their particular religious practices. Why, golly, no - it's about 25% of Evangelicals and Catholics, and some Southern fundamentalists who first insist they are treated unfairly - and second, declare that the only way to obtain fair treatment is to make over the gummint according to their restrictive interpretation of so-called revelatory texts.

(Click to view Charing Cross Ad)

I'm listenin' to the Dinah Washington collection that features the portrait on the US Postal Service stamp. Jazz, R & B, Blues, Pop, Ballads, Dinah did it all. She popped one too many with booze when she was only 39 . . . And I recent copped a collection by Eddie Condon's All Stars. Eddie played the "tenor guitar" - four strings, tuned like a tenor banjo. Lee Wiley sings. And the All-Stars? How about Jack Teagarden, PeeWee Russell, Dave Tough . . .

Yours for jazz. Don't smoke in bed.

MONDAY POTPOURRI (a pitifully poor prolixity of potty prattle to ponder)... 'I MISS IKE'... DA REV STARTED OUT AS A BLACK MUSICIAN!... ID SUBTERFUGE... WANNA SHOOT AN ENDANGERED BIGHORN?... IRAQ CO$T$? - NOBODY KNOWS... NATIONAL DAY OF PREYING...

 
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Artist: Botero (Columbia)
Dimension Mag

"Should any political party attempt to abolish social security, unemployment insurance, and eliminate labor laws and farm programs, you would not hear of that party again in our political history.  There is a tiny splinter group, of course, that believes that you can do these things.  Among them are a few Texas oil millionaires, and an occasional politician or businessman from other areas.  Their number is negligible and they are stupid."
[President Dwight D. Eisenhower, l952]

IKE was in fact willing to strengthen those federal programs that had good track records and even to introduce new measures on a selective basis. But at the same time, he wanted to prune programs such as those in public power and agricultural subsidies, whose costs he thought far outweighed their benefits to the nation. If successful, he would slow and perhaps even stop the growth of the administrative state. This was his concept of  the "middle way."

(Click da thumbnail to view Da Rev during the IKE years!

Yup - I broke the color barrier
in black blues bands in Dayton . . .)
Check out the Saloon Singer Chronicles

GOP - "God's Own Party", right?!

The other night, Bill Maher said, "Republicans - The Grouchy Old Party - need ... to find a channel for their anger; I mean a channel besides Fox News ..."

THE PROGRESSIVES ARE WINNING, AREN'T THEY?
What progress we are making. In the Middle Ages the know-nothings burned folks like me. Now they are usually content to burn our writings ...

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Slate

Jodi Wilgoren reports on the controversy between science and religion (no matter how it may be presented) in biology classes in the Kansas Public Schools in the NEW YORK TIMES :

"They have created a straw man. They are trying to make science stand for atheism, so they can fight atheism." [Jack Krebs, vice president of the pro-evolution Kansas Citizens for Science]

"Kansas has been through this before ... I'm really tired of going to conferences and being laughed at because I'm from Kansas." [Cheryl Shepherd-Adams, a physics teacher who took an unpaid day off from Hays High School to attend the hearings, sighing.]

 
(Click thumbnail to view the most dangerous man in the last millennium . . .Charles Darwin

"Intelligent Design" is religion masquerading as science.

Keith Lockitch, Ph.D. in physics, is a junior fellow at the Ayn Rand Institute in Irvine, CA. The Bait and Switch of "Intelligent Design"

The central issue under debate is whether "intelligent design" is, in fact, a genuine scientific theory or merely a disguised form of religious advocacy--creationism in camouflage.

Proponents of "intelligent design" aggressively market their viewpoint as real science, insisting it is not religiously based. Writes one leading advocate, Michael Behe: "The conclusion of intelligent design flows naturally from the data itself--not from sacred books or sectarian beliefs." ...

IT STILL TAKES A HELLUVA HUNTER
TO BRING DOWN A BIGHORN IN ITS
NATURAL, ICY ENVIRONS!

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Roq LaRue


Daniel Duane's article in Mother Jones - Sacrificial Ram is so damn rational in describing a REASONABLE solution to extinction: Conservation groups think they’ve found a way to save endangered animals--by selling off the right to kill a few.

Yup, like the waterfowl gunners who support habitat and wildlife services through the purchase of limited edition artwork and collectable postage stamps from "Ducks Unlimited". Founded in 1937, it has raised $1.8 billion for conservation and saved more than 10 million acres of wetlands.

... In an unusual approach to environmental fundraising -- call it free-market wildlife conservation -- the Wyoming-based Foundation for North American Wild Sheep (FNAWS) has struck deals with 21 U.S., Canadian, and Mexican states in which FNAWS gets to auction a precious few bighorn hunting permits in return for giving 90 percent of the proceeds back to those states’ sheep conservation programs ... In other words, by helping locals exploit the economic potential of the wildlife on their land, FNAWS has given the collective an incentive to preserve both that wildlife and its habitat. Since FNAWS got involved, ejidatarios have been clearing brush around watering holes to reduce cover for stalking mountain lions, they’ve taught their neighbors to keep domestic goats and sheep (and the lethal diseases they carry) away from the bighorn, and they’ve successfully cracked down on poaching ... In just seven years, the biosphere’s bighorn herd (Baja) has nearly doubled, to 400. And the more sheep there are, the more rams can be sustainably harvested ...

President Theodore Roosevelt - arguably the godfather of American hunting conservation - wrote:

In a civilized country, wild animals only continue to exist at all when preserved by sportsmen. The excellent people who protest against all hunting and consider sportsmen as enemies [do not understand] that in reality the genuine sportsman is, by all odds, the most important factor in keeping the larger and more valuable wild creatures from total extermination.”

Wonkette: Catastrophic Success? Priceless. 

Today's Washington Post reports that an audit of government spending shows that flowering of democracy in the Middle East does have a cost; we just don't know what it is yet. According to the Post, the "system for managing work there is so diffuse that the government may not be able to get an accurate estimate of how much its projects cost." In other words, it's like Democrats are running the place. We're sorry, but when things are going so well that we don't know how much money we're spending, there's usually way more hookers and cocaine involved ...

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SPEAKIN' OF SLEAZEY, PUBLICLY PIOUS,
RIGHT-WING RETHUGLICKIN' POLITICIANS:

Former bug zapper, Congressman Tom DeLay
- on the unconstitutional National Day of Preying -

Think of what we could accomplish if we checked our pride at the door, if collectively we all spent less time taking credit and more time deserving it. If we spent less time ducking responsibility and more time welcoming it. If we spent less time on our soapboxes and more time on our knees ...

Uh-oh! I gotta go.

I'LL TAKE THAT CALL! - IS IT MARIEL HEMINGWAY?!?