PISS ON EVER'THIN' -
T'MORRA'S SATURDAY, June 11, 2ôô5
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Van Gogh on Prozac?
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WHAT A WEEK!?! ... in DAYTON, Ohio Da Pagan Baby purchased USED CARPETS from a SERBO-CROATIAN.
Note to my sons: all I want for Father's Day is a CORDUROY SOAP DISH. The old one's wet . . .
Ha ha Ha ha Ha ha Ha Ha Ha Ha - When will I EVER stop HAVIN' FUN?!!
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Slate
I wish Chairman Greenspan would address the chances for the survival of OFFSET PRINTING . . .
I was watching a fascinating paid commercial TV discussion program hosted by Alexander HaigEXPERT stated that the day will come when you can download the entire contents of your brain onto a computer, which will mean your brain can live forever. Remember:It'll be easier for your brain to take trips if you download it onto a laptop.
the other day. An
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There we were, in a cheap motel in CLEARWATER, FLORIDA, and Mary Tyler Moore's SEVENTH HUSBAND was wearing my "Morning Wood, 24/7" DACRON TANK TOP!
Go on, EMOTE! I was RAISED on thought balloons!!
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NOW do I get to blow out the CANDLES??
(Click to see Les Paul in action)
Da Rev's original Guitar-God, Les Paul, "Father Of The Electric Guitar", is 90!
The Rock and Roll Hall of Famer, five-time Grammy Award winner, pioneer of the electric guitar and inventor of numerous recording tech-niques, such as reverb and multi-track recording was born "Lester William Polsfuss (Polfuss)" June 9, 1915 in Waukesha Wisconsin. In 1950, Les started his design of the Les Paul model for The Gibson Guitar Company, which has become the world’s best selling line of electric guitars. In honor of Les' milestone anniversary, Gibson is releasing a new model LP guitar every month!
He still hosts a jam session in the Iridium Jazz Club in Manhattan every Monday night!
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What exactly does a car bombing
in Iraq look like?
From the usual suspects @ low culture
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<= COMMENT, Sheikh Yerbutti:
"Little Nori had it coming. He is traitorous agent-by-proxy of the infidels and their Zionist-controlled government. The brave freedom fighters of Iraq had no choice but to fillet Nori and his whole family. People must be shown the evil of the US and if incinerating some women and children will get it done, then bravo martyr friends. ALLAH BE PRAISED!!"
(cc: Noam Chomsky, Howard Zinn, Ramsey Clark, et al . . .)
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THIS JUST _____________ IN ! !
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Here are the best current affairs jokes of the week from Comedian Argus Hamilton
President Bush held a joint press conference with Tony Blair Tuesday. First the prime minister took questions, then the president took questions. It sounded like an episode of Masterpiece Theater being interrupted by a bulletin from HEE-HAW.
Tony Blair and President Bush told a press conference Tuesday that they discussed Africa for hours that day. Nobody believed it. You could see from the oil under their fingernails that they had been up to their elbows in a plan to invade someone.
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CHEESES! I KNOW MSNBC is desperate to put better numbers on the board - but . . .
Don Rumsfeld denounced China over its military build-up and its closed political system last week. Surely this administration isn't trying to bait China into a war. There is no way we could ever jam the complete writings of CONFUCIUS down a toilet.
The White House ALTERED A CLIMATE REPORT to filter out the consequences of global warming. The president expressed his heartfelt gratitude to the scientists for giving him this report. He said it filled him with humidity. 
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(Click to view something about Mary)
Hollywood porn star Mary Carey will attend the President's Dinner - Republican Party fundraiser in Washington next week as the date of her boss, who owns a porn studio. They're lobbying for a location filming permit. They want to drill in Alaska.
Howard Dean told San Franciscans Monday that the Republican Party is a white Christian party. Earlier he said Republicans never made an honest living in their lives. Imagine how many Philistines Samson could slay with the jawbone of this ASS!
Party Chair Dean also said that the Democrats speak the language AMERICAN WORKERSWHAT'S THAT? Hindustani?!? understand.
Hillary Clinton gave a barn-burning partisan speech at a breakfast fundraiser Monday in New York. She accused President Bush of the worst abuse of power in the history of the U.S. government. The last time she was this tough on a president she had a lamp in her hand!
President Bush arrived at the ranch in Crawford to spend last weekend with Laura. There may be tensions between them after her comedy monologue got rave reviews and Lynne Cheney said she would make a great president. All he has to do is start drinking again and we will have ourselves a remake of A STAR IS BORN.
(Click to view Laura's Stand-Up)
Slate
Laura: "If I had a Q-TIP, I could prevent the collapse
of NEGOTIATIONS!
All the President's Men was re-released in bookstores Monday after ninety-one-year-old MARK FELT admitted that he was Deep Throat. His relatives want to cash in quickly. A week earlier he admitted he was CLEOPATRA, but the family got no offers. 
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Slate
The Supreme Court ruled the government can prosecute users of medical marijuana. The Bush Administration is now free to round up sick people and arrest them. Let's just hope they put the nauseous ones at the bottom of the human pyramid.
HERE'S SOMETHIN'
REALLY, REALLY IMPORTANT!
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Russell Crowe threw a telephone at a hotel concierge in New York Monday. He's obviously out of control. If confirmed by the U.S. Senate he could get three years as U.N. Ambassador.
Crowe's temper tantrum did no good. The outburst occurred an hour too late to sway the Supreme Court's mind about the usefulness of medical marijuana to counter the effects of Australian beer. 
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The Desperate Housewives refused ten million dollars to pose for Playboy Monday. The costumes on the show cover only four square inches of actress. If ten million won't buy four square inches, the show should be re-titled Beverly Hills Real Estate.
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POPE BENNY 16 in Rome issued a ruling declaring that gay marriage is ANARCHY. You know, he's right. If you saw the Tony Awards Sunday, every single acceptance speech went over the allotted time and had to be cut off by the orchestra . . .
Jack Nicklaus played his last PGA round at the Memorial last week. The first day he hit a woman in the head with his tee shot and sent her to the hospital. For the rest of the tournament nobody had to be told to turn off their cell phones.
Jack Nicklaus played the final round of his career. He hit a woman with a tee shot that hospitalized her. He felt so bad that he agreed to pay for her medical care and check himself into the Jerry Ford Center for twenty-eight days. 
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You wanted to know, you slash fan you. James Spader says William Shatner's aroma is "a strangely very attractive sort of pungent, sort of gamey, sort of a venison or a lamb sausage ... and a little bit of rosemary with a touch of ranch dressing." Bringing your own pot of mint jelly is highly recommended. This valuable info was brought to you by Boing Boing !
WARNING! 
PG - 34
Some adult content; a lotta childish content . . .
This segment is brought to you by BALLSIES . . .
the first line of jewelry that captures the essence of everyone's favorite baggy buddies. Strength, guts, independence, and attitude: Ballsies are everything you are, just slightly more bulbous.
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BALLSIES POETRY?!
Ballsies are fun
Ballsies are nifty
Please don't wear them
If you're a man over fifty
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YOW!! Check out THESE Chocolate Fantasies . . .
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Michael Jackson was rushed to the Santa Barbara hospital emergency room with back pain last week. Security guards were posted at the front door and back door - and in all the hallways. There's no way he was going to get near the pediatric ward!
Michael Jackson's child molestation case went to the jury last Friday. He appeared tense throughout the closing arguments. Not only did he have to hear some awful things said about him, he was forced to miss the finals of the National Spelling Bee.
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<= "It pays to advertise . . ."
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A young boy asks his Priest if God is a man or a woman. The Priest decides to tease the boy and answers that God is both.
The boy then asks if God is black or white. Again the answer is both.
Next question, is God gay or straight. Once more the answer is both.
The boy then asks, "Father, is Michael Jackson God??"
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(Click to view cross-cultural humor)
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Q. How does Michael Jackson pick his nose?
A. From a catalogue.
FROM A CATALOGUE!!
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(Click to view blow-up bondage)
Slave Sluts
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Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual, when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door. "Brenda, may I come in?" he asks. "I've somethin' to tell ye's".
"Of course ye's can come in, you're always welcome, Tim. But where's my husband?"
"That's what I'm here to be telling ye's, Brenda. There was an accident down at the Guinness brewery..."
"Oh, God no!" cries Brenda. "Please don't tell me."
"I must, Brenda. Your husband Seamus is dead and gone. I'm sorry."
Finally, she looked up at Tim. "How did it happen, Tim?"
"It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of Guinness Stout and drowned."
"Oh Sweet BeJesus! But you must tell me true, Tim. Did he at least go quickly?"
"Well, Brenda... no.
In fact, he got out three times to pee."
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Good fortune. Please spread the meme.
COMMENT! Don't smoke in bed . . .
Rev. Art, Freethought Evangelist
