WELL HOWDY, REV'LERS! P.O.E.T.S. /\ 072305!

Update: We received a request from a li'l Dutch girl to re-play the "Srugi Cat":

Bang it out!

PISS ON EVER'THIN' -
T'DAY'S SATURDAY, July 23, 2ôô5!

(Click on any image to enlarge)

BIRTHDAY FELICITATIONS TO:

7-23-1921: Calvert DeForest, actor, better-known-as Larry "Bud" Melman on "Late Night With David Letterman."
Has anyone ever looked UP  to him?

7-23-1940: Don Imus, radio personality, morning MSNBC-TV host. The I-Man's 65 - and lucky to be alive!
In the '70s Imus portrayed Billy Sol Hargis, pastor of the Church of the Gooey Death & Discount House of Worship!

I brought the wine! It's an impudent Merlot - with, hmmm ... an arrogant bouquet and a subtle suggestion of POLYVINYL CHLORIDE ...

JOHN ROBERTS! Why does that sound CANADIAN to me?  HE probably just wants to take over my CELLS and then EXPLODE inside me like a BARREL of runny CHOPPED LIVER!  Or maybe he'd like to PSYCHOLOGICALLY TERRORIZE ME until I have no objection to a RIGHT-WING MILITARY TAKEOVER of my BLOG!!  I going to call AL PACINO!

As I recall, the LOGARITHM of an ISOSCELES TRIANGLE is TUESDAY WELD!!

Excuse me - Is this the line for the latest whimsical TARENTINO adaptation with graphic violence and wanton sex that also makes you want to CRY and reconsider the VIETNAM WAR?

YOW!!  My brother called from his store in CLEARWATER. "We're out of AUTOMOBILE PARTS and RUBBER GOODS!" he screamed - just before the SCIENTOLOGISTS arrived and RE-FILED his ENGRAMS!

WHO SENT THESE TO ME?  Why?

"Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary."
"Avoid alliteration. Always."
"Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc."
"Avoid clichés like the plague. (They're old hat.)"

Gay blogger Vivid Blurry reports that  Robert L. Traynham, Director of communications for Sen. PRick Santorum, R- Pa., an outspoken opponent of LGBT rights, confirmed to a blogger that he, Robert, is - GAY! 
The blogger adds, " ... a defense of Santorum's opposition to LGBT rights is always entertaining when uttered with a lisp.
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Senator Sanctimonious




 

@ SmorgasBlog Did you hear the one about when Ken Mehlman, Duke Cunningham, Robert L. Traynham and Andrew Sullivan walk in to a liquor store?

(Yeah, I noticed - the Log Cabin's built of brick . . .)

THIS JUST _________________ IN ! !

A dark and stormy knight (right)

ROVE'S ZANY BUTTON?!?

It reads: "I'm a source and a target."

Holly Martins @ Wonkette " ... Cheney aide Scooter Libby fingered Tim Russert as the guy who made the fateful Valerie Plame name known to him; while attesting that Karl Rove did indeed tell the grand jury that Bob Novak spilled Plame's name to him.

WTF? Senior administration officials rely on televisual pundits for sensitive intelligence information? How long until the horrible truth becomes known - That Paul Wolfowitz assembled the whole case for invading Iraq after a drunken night out with Kelly Ripa?

P.M. Carpenter's Blog opines: " ... Bush isn’t a jackass because he’s a right-wing neocon. He’s a right-wing neocon because he’s a jackass."

Great in 2008? DCeiver says, "Hillary Clinton moves like a ninja. Or a cat. A cat ninja. Silently and deadly. She gets in and out. She travels in the blind spot of your eye. She's Keyser Soze. And she's really really nice about it."

Liza Sabater, communicatrix-at-large, cultural creative and technofile @ Culture Kitchen recognizes: "The trail of slime is everywhere ... you know (Bush) will never get impeached. The man is the anti-Clinton. Even if he got caught performing voodoo sex on Condoleeza on a bed of slaughtered spotted owls and after signing away 20lbs of uranium to Osama Bin Laden, he'd still wouldn't be booted out of office. No wonder people have to resort to revolutions to overthrow tyrants.
 

More Terror in London? In NYC, Mayor Bloomberg has announced Police in New York City will begin randomly asking  to search the bags 'n' backpacks of subway riders for explosives. If only authorities would stop and search Middle Eastern-looking men with backpacks headed for public transit systems, they could prevent most suicide bombings, couldn't they?
"Sir - Is That a Bomb in Your Backpack, or Just a Bag of Weed?"


Did anybody see Matt Cooper on "Meet The Press" with Tim Russert last Sunday? Didn't he look like a wet parking meter on Darvon . . .



Here are the best topical jokes of the week from -
Comedian Argus Hamilton

President Bush nominated Judge John Roberts to the Supreme Court Tuesday. He has worked for Kenneth Starr and he has represented the Playboy Channel so we know where he stands. He's opposed to sex in the Oval Office unless it's on Pay-per-View.

Supreme Court nominee John Roberts faces confirmation hearings in the Senate next month. Everyone agrees it should be smooth sailing for him. He once worked for Ken Starr, so you know he has naked pictures of half the Democrats in the Senate.

President Bush said Tuesday he considered judges from every walk of life for his Supreme Court pick. It was a difficult choice. He wanted to reflect racial diversity in the appointment so he chose a white guy in a black suit with a red tie.

Sandra Day O'Connor said Wednesday she's disappointed that Judge John Roberts is not a woman. That's the way the mop flops. The morning after the nomination every woman in America opened her computer and the screen read You've Got White Male.


I still think Alberto Gonzales offered something to both parties - he's wobbly on abortion but staunchly pro-torture . . .

John Roberts made the rounds on Capitol Hill Wednesday. He has said Roe versus Wade is wrong and ought to be overturned but it is the settled law of the land. Hillary Clinton offered him fifty bucks for that 'liner so she could add it to her act.

John Roberts wrote that the government overstepped its authority when the Endangered Species Act was used to protect a toad that lives only in California. Toads don't need any protection out there. All they have to do is kill their wives and they walk free.

Boekenn

CBS finished shooting a television movie about Pope John Paul II Monday that airs this fall. It illustrates his capacity to forgive. In one scene from his youth in Poland, the Nazis invade his hometown and he names one of them his successor.

Attorney-General Alberto Gonzales announced that methamphetamine has now passed marijuana as the greatest threat to American children. That's one way of looking at it. A more POSITIVE person would say we've just turned the corner on the OBESITY EPIDEMIC!


Brit bobbies blew away a Pakistani dude in a heavy black overcoat Friday morning because he wouldn't stop to be searched in a train station. Muslims living in Euro countries can avoid such treatment if they wear western street clothes and tell everyone they're Italian.
UPDATE - Dude turned out to be BRAZILIAN! Punch should read: South American AND Muslims living in Euro, etc.


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HERE'S SOMETHIN' REALLY,

REALLY IMPORTANT!

The Weather Channel reported Wednesday that the Eastern Seaboard was boiling in triple-digit temperatures and high humidity. It was absolutely unbearable. It was so hot in the nation's capital that President Bush was sticking to Karl Rove.


Here in Metro Fairborn it was so hot and muggy the Central Ave. Hooker wouldn't go out with anyone unless his trailer was air-conditioned.

 
Churches - ad hoc
"Church of the Disestablishment"
Photographer: Herman Krieger

Alan Greenspan asserted Tuesday that high oil prices are not a threat to the U.S. economy. When was the last time HE paid at the pump?


Vacation travel is so expensive this summer Da Pagan Baby & I are going to stay home and tip every third person we see.


Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince came out last weekend, pitting Harry against the menacing Lord Voldemort. These books perform a vital public service. They teach Anglo-Saxon children to always associate French surnames with evil and danger.

Arnold Schwarzenegger vetoed a bill regulating muscle supplements in California while being paid by a bodybuilding magazine that sells them. His motives are well documented. The governor just loves breasts so much he wants everybody to have them.

Tiger Woods won the British Open Sunday at St. Andrews in Scotland. He won by avoiding the deep fairway bunkers with centuries-old names like Purgatory and Hell and Perdition and Torment. You can read all about them in Kansas science books.

Bill Clinton began a six-nation tour of Africa Sunday to deliver cheap AIDS drugs. He's a leader in this. Twenty years ago when the AIDS epidemic frightened most Americans into a monogamous relationship Bill Clinton was a profile in courage.

Pope Benedict spoke last week from a retreat in the Italian Alps. He said nature helps people to discover their true identity as God's creatures. Some priests in Boston interpreted that to mean altar boys are out and small forest animals are in.

Boekenn

Seattle detectives are investigating the case of a local man who died of his injuries after having sex with a horse. They're treating it as a case of animal abuse. Bestiality is not illegal in Washington state but still, "Neigh means neigh!"

NEIGH MEANS NEIGH!!



WARNING! 

PG - 34 ...

Artist: Les Toil



Artist: Coop

PICK-UP LINES

• Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the money?
• Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?
• I may not be the best looking guy here, but I'm the only one talking to you.
• Excuse me, do you have your phone number, I seem to have lost mine.
• I can't find my puppy, can you help me find him? I think he went into this cheap motel room.
• I'm new in town, could I have directions to your house.
• Let's do breakfast tomorrow. Should I call you or nudge you?
• You know, it's not premarital sex unless you plan on getting married.
• I'd walk a million miles for one of your smiles, and even farther for that thing you do with your tongue.
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  Artist: Coop

UH-OH!

INTERESTING ENSEMBLE . . .

BUT KELLY - WHAT IF YOU HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM!!

Good fortune. Please spread the meme. COMMENT!  COMMENT!  COMMENT!  Don't smoke in bed ...

Pastor Fuzz

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