P.O.E.T.S.!
PISS ON EVER'THIN' -
T'DAY'S SATURDAY, August 13, 2ôô5
Art.Com
Artist: George Hunt
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RHAPSODY in Glue!
There are SOME things I try NOT to think about: When I was growing up in Belmont our HEDGES were trimmed in the shape of LITTLE LULU.
Uh-oh - WHY would I suddenly be thinking of a VENERABLE religious leader frolicking with a lady from the ALTAR SOCIETY during a BED & BREAKFAST weekend getaway?
What's so great about China? Here we are - another century and they're all wearin' the same bad haircuts . . .
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Look!! Karl Malden!
Note to TERRORISTS: I don't think you fellows would do so much BOMBING and BEHEADING and RAPING and PILLAGING if you played more video games and watched CABLE TELEVISION!!
NOW, I'm taking the NEXT FLIGHT to Tennessee so I can write POEMS about BROKEN GUITAR STRINGS and sensuous PRE-TEEN dudes GETTING LUCKY with their HOTT female teachers!!
I'm tired of these EUROPEAN countries criticizing everything we do in America! HEY, NETHERLANDS! All you've GOT is HOOKERS and HASHISH and you killed Anne Frank!
I want to perform cranial activities with TUESDAY WELD!!
THE HISTORIC SUN RECORDING STUDIOS IN MEMPHIS
* NEW to this Website *
Check out Da Rev's
"ROCKABILLY & ROOTS" Raves - Left Side o' Da Blog ...
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| I LOVE TO POLL: "Will she be coming 'round the mountain when she comes?" Results: | |
| Yes | |
| No | |
| She doesn't like heights | |
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Artist: Revilo
I must be OFF! My forehead feels like a PACKAGE of moist CRANBERRIES in a remote FRENCH OUTPOST!!
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QUOTE / UNQUOTE
Some Democrats (not me) are looking for the UN-Hillary to run for POTUS in 2008. How's THIS guy?
"It's a race against time because by the end of this coming summer we can no longer sustain the presence we have now . . . The American people are walking away from this war." [Retired General McCaffrey in The Washington Post]
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Slate
Artist: Keefe
THIS JUST ______________ IN ! !
WASHINGTON, D.C. (LaughFish.com) - President Bush weighed in last week on whether creationism, or intelligent design as it is now being called, should be taught in public schools along side evolution. Said Bush, "I don't understand what all the fuss is about. Why is it so difficult to believe that there's an old, bearded man sitting on a throne on Mars guiding our every move? It seems perfectly reasonable to me." In a related story, President Bush thought it was perfectly reasonable to invade Iraq ...
(LENO) President Bush is on his vacation Crawford, Texas. He says he’ll leave only when Crawford is capable of self rule.
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Comedian Argus Hamilton presents the best current affairs musings of the past week:
President Bush on Tuesday warned Iran not to go nuclear and threatened Syria for harboring insurgents and denounced North Korea for missile testing. It's so sad. The whole idea of a vacation is to get away from your day-to-day office routine.
President Bush met at the ranch Thursday with Condi Rice, Don Rumsfeld and Dick Cheney. They drew straws. Iran is making weapons of mass destruction for sure and whoever draws the short straw has to sell the idea to the American people.
U.S. Army General Kevin Byrnes was fired Monday for having a consensual affair while his divorce was pending. Adultery is a hanging offense in the U.S. military until the day the divorce is final. Once again, what's our problem with the Taliban? 
Cartoon Web
The space shuttle astronauts returned safely this week. The crew had picked up all the used food and drink containers in the space station. Perhaps we should do this more often. Inside the station refrigerator were milk cartons with pictures of Patty Hearst on the side of them. 
Slate
Artist: Keefe
Marilyn Monroe hinted at an affair with Jack Kennedy and later Bobby Kennedy in audiotaped admissions to her psychiatrist made public. It's touching. Greater love hath no man than he who shares Marilyn Monroe with his younger brother.
Slate Artist: Cagle
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Reading, PA (LaughFish.com) -The publishers of Cliff’s Notes condensed stories have announced that the 2006 issues of classic literature will be condensed even more. Cliff’s Notes spokeswoman, Audrey Lancaster, said, “Our studies have shown a gradual decrease in the attention span of high school students. Most people don’t want to read more than a paragraph or two per page.” The publishers of Cliff’s Notes Condensed stories have announced that the 2006 issues of classic literature will be condensed even more. Cliff’s Notes spokeswoman, Audrey Lancaster, said, “Our studies have shown a gradual decrease in the attention span of high school students. Most people don’t want to read more than a paragraph or two per page." The publishers of Cliff’s Notes Condensed stories have announced that the 2006 issues of classic literature will be condensed even more. Cliff’s Notes spokeswoman, Audrey Lancaster, said, “Our studies have shown a gradual decrease in the attention span of high school students. Most people don’t want to read more than a paragraph or two per page." . . .
Slate
Artist: Thompson
Wonkette reports: The blog "What's Happening at CNN" - talk about your niche markets - has a juicy (if true) tidbit: "It is being whispered at CNN/Atlanta that Daryn Kagan has been passed over for any and all promotion due to her relationship with Limbaugh. If she has a job at the end of the year at CNN it will be a miracle. Bosses are not happy with her boyfriend and his daily bashing of the network."
Isn't dating Rash Limbo itself punishment enough?
(Doesn't she know Rash gobbles more wood than Timmy the Termite?)
Those Media Whores come in all shapes, sizes, skins, and genders . . .
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HERE'S SOMETHIN' REALLY,
REALLY IMPORTANT!
Before she was Mrs. Partridge - she was Miss Pittsburgh!
More Argus: Baltimore Orioles star slugger Rafael Palmeiro returned to the team Thursday following a ten-game suspension for using steroids. It was quite a homecoming. His teammates greeted him with open arms, but he didn't bring enough for everybody.
The Washington Redskins training camp was picketed Monday by Native American groups who were insulted by the team's name. They say it connotes racism and conquest and subjugation. They want to change the name to the Maryland Redskins.
Florida Governor Jeb Bush ripped the NCAA post-season ban on Native American mascots like the Seminoles. This country owes a great debt to native tribes. The Bush Administration borrowed its entire illegal immigration policy from the Indians.
(HOLD ON! Calm down. No one has even SUGGESTED dropping the Indian Chief from The Village People!)
New York prosecutor Jeanine Pirro said she would run against Hillary Clinton for Senate. Her husband was a tax cheat and Hillary's husband is Bill Clinton. These housewives are just a muscular gardener away from their own hit series on ABC.
The Dukes of Hazard topped the box office last weekend. It's about two rednecks and their sister in short-shorts and a Dodge Charger. Three million people paid to see the movie, delivering yet another blow to the advocates of intelligent design. (LENO) The Dukes of Hazard was number one movie last weekend - taking in over $30 million….or, as Willie Nelson calls that….back taxes!
WARNING! SOME ADULT CONTENT;
A LOTTA CHILDISH CONTENT . . .
PG - 34!This provoked talk around the table and it was generally agreed that, for one reason or another, all the husbands were going to end up in hell. So, then the housewives started speculating about themselves. One woman said "I try to be good so I'm sure I'll make it to Heaven."
Another one said "No, I did this bad thing, I won't make it."
So, then they noticed that one of the ladies wasn't saying anything. And they looked at her and said "You're such a nice lady, surely you're going to Heaven...?"
She said "No, first thing in the morning, I'm going to do something so terrible it'll get me a ticket straight to hell!"
They were shocked and asked why.
"Well, who wants to live in a world without men?!?"
DO I HEAR PURRRRRRING?Actress/Singer/Dancer Ann Margaret
Kim du Toit
STACY from the DOVE AdsOne Saturday afternoon, a young mother was attempting teach good manners and etiquette to her children.
"If you were courting a well educated young girl from a prominent family and during a dinner for two you needed to go to the toilet, what would you say to her?"
Mike replies: "Wait a minute, I'm going for a piss."
Gracious, NO! says Mom: "That would be very rude and improper on your part."
Brother Charlie replies: "I'm sorry I need to go to the toilet, I'll be back in a minute."
Mom says: "That's much better but to mention the word ''toilet'' during a meal, is unpleasant."
At that point Dad interjected: "My dear, please excuse me for a moment. I have to go shake hands with a personal friend, whom, I hope to be able to introduce to you after dinner. " ________________________________
Pamela Anderson (Don't miss TV - the Pamela Anderson Celeb Roast on Comedy Central Saturday,
8-13, 10 PM)
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A DUCK WALKS INTO A BAR - {{{QUA-A-A-CK!!}}}
A ducks walks into a bar and asks, "Got any grapes?"
The bartender, confused, tells the ducks that no, his bar doesn't serve grapes. The duck thanks him and leaves. The next day, the duck returns and says, "Got any grapes?"
Again, the bartender tells him that, no, the bar does not serve grapes, has never served grapes, and, furthermore, will never serve grapes. The duck, a little ruffled, thanks him and leaves. The next day, the duck returns, but before he can say anything, the bartender begins to yell: ''Listen, duck! This is a bar! We do not serve grapes! If you ever ask for grapes again, I will nail your stupid duck beak to the bar!''
The duck is silent for a moment, and then asks, ''Got any nails?''
Confused, the bartenders says no.
''Good!'' says the duck. ''Got any grapes?''
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Good fortune. Please spread the meme.
COMMENT!! Don't smoke in bed . . .
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