MINISTER OF RANTS

CORI BULLETIN & SKEPTICS' DIGEST - September / October 2005

FOR THE MEMBERS OF
CENTRAL OHIOANS FOR RATIONAL INQUIRY
"What you think you know may not be so."

Founded by Ann Pratt in 1996

Our 10th Year of bologna detection

Volume: 10

Issue: 9/10

 *FINAL* CORI MEETING:

10 AM, Saturday, OCTOBER 1, 2005
All past and present members & officers are encouraged to reunite & reminisce.

LOCATION: Columbus Metro Library

Hilliard Branch, 2772 Cemetary Road, Hilliard

BUSINESS: WHITHER CORI – Is it time to fold the tent?
Following a discussion, members will vote on the disposition of the treasury.

LUNCH: Follows Meeting;
attendees are invited to gather at a nearby venue

LINKS FOR SKEPTICS

Massimo Pigliucci's Blog  http://www.rationallyspeaking.org/
Massimo's monthly column is a blog, updated daily.

 

EDITORIAL

IT'S TIME TO FOLD THE TENT. Why? Inertia?

Central Ohioans for Rational Inquiry (C.O.R.I.) has had a good run since the Fall of 1996 when Ann Pratt contacted names on the subscriber list for Skeptical Inquirer magazine to determine interest in forming a "skeptics" group in Columbus. Let's be clear about that - this organization would probably never have come together if Ann hadn't spearheaded the effort. She called upon willing and capable volunteers to serve in offices and committees. It's hard to refuse when Ann asks you to do something. Before long, we had a set of by-laws approved by the membership, a full slate of elected officers and board members and an intrepid newsletter editor, Charlie Hazlett, who has always been there for the group, even when he didn't want to be.

Dr. Michael Lehv stepped up to the challenge of leading the new group. When he turned the presidency over to Russ Henshaw two years later, CORI was a robust organization with a stable paid membership of over 60. Russ stepped down (and moved to Cincinnati) after two years and Charlie Hazlett agreed to stand for election. In the ensuing years, Charlie has served tirelessly as president, then acting president (when no other candidate was presented), and finally, former president and UN-president.

Ann Pratt remained involved, serving as Program Chair, drawing upon her vast reservoir of professional relationships for interesting and challenging speakers. The membership gathered at the Red Brick Tavern in Lafayette a few years ago to honor Ann Pratt as founder and present her with a plaque. Though health problems and a move from the area have kept Ann from attending CORI meetings, she has kept in touch and submitted articles for the newsletter.

Few organizations like CORI persist for 10 years. We owe a debt of gratitude to all the officers and committee chairs and to ourselves for maintaining the degree of interest that sustains a group such as CORI.

Saturday, October 1, 2005, our band of skeptics will gather for what is expected to be our final meeting - followed by the last supper ... uh, er ... LUNCH! Following a discussion and a vote on ceasing business, the membership will instruct the treasurer as to the disposition of accumulated funds.

It has been exciting for Rosalee and me as two founding members of CORI to have been exposed to speakers and topics that have expanded our knowledge and to have had the opportunity to socialize with such interesting and informed people. We wouldn't have traded those Saturday mornings for anything, but, sadly, we will. As we move on from CORI, we thank you all for sharing these experiences with us.

I appreciate the support of the members during the years since I accepted the editor's visor from Charlie Hazlett. While this is probably the last CORI Bulletin, your editor will continue to post the monthly "Skeptic's Digest" on-line @ http://revart.blogs.com/minister_of_rants/

Good fortune ...

WHAT DO YOU SUGGEST?

What do you think we should do with the accumulated funds in the CORI treasury (several hundred bucks)? Bring your suggestions to the meeting Saturday, October 1 - or e-mail Charlie, Toby or me. I suggest we donate to one or more viable organizations that are carrying on programs that mesh with the interests of CORI. I offer these for consideration: National Center for Science Education. This is the org. directed by Eugenie Scott. http://www.natcenscied.org/membership.

Friends of Perkins Observatory.http://www.perkinsobservatory.org/adoption.campaign.2003.pdf

Committee for the Scientific Investigation of Claims of the Paranormal (CSICOP) http://www.csicop.org/about/donate.html

Artist: Marcus Gray

I. TOP TEN TRENDS from FUTURE SURVEY, Fall 2004
http://www.wfs.org/fstop10fal04.htm
The following trends (EXCERPTED) from the July, August, and September (2004)issues of Future Survey have been selected by editor Michael Marien as authoritative statements on important issues shaping the future:

• ECOLOGICAL FOOTPRINT GROWING. "The human ecological footprint is still increasing despite progress made in technology and institutions…many crucial sources are emptying or degrading, and many sinks are filling up or overflowing…we are much more pessimistic about the global future than we were in 1972."
—Donella Meadows, Jorgen Randers, and Dennis Meadows in Limits to Growth: The 30-Year Update (FS 26:7/301)

• HOPE IN DECLINE. "Over the last three decades a major cultural shift has taken place in the attitudes of Western societies toward the future. Optimism has given way to a sense of ambiguity…(which) threatens to stifle hope at a personal as well as a social level."
—Theologians Miroslav Volf and William Katerberg in The Future of Hope (FS 26:9/415)

• NEW NUCLEAR WEAPONS. "Nuclear scientists are actually designing, developing, testing, and constructing new nuclear weapons at an annual cost of $5 billion over the next 10-15 years."
—Dr. Helen Caldicott in The New Nuclear Danger (FS 26:9/421)

• BIRD FLU. " ... widespread loss of life is predicted."
—Tyler Kokjohn et al. in WFS 2004 Conference Volume (FS 26:9/446)

• RESPONSE TO AIDS. In the past three years, "the essential ingredients for a global response have coalesced: cheaper drugs, high-level political will, new money to pay for treatment, and growing grassroots muscle to push governments to follow through on their promises."
—Anne-Christine D'Adesky on the race to treat global AIDS (FS 26:9/448)

• SURPLUS MALES IN CHINA AND INDIA. "The masculinization of Asia's sex ratios is one of the overlooked megatrends of our time, a phenomenon that may very likely influence the course of national and perhaps even international politics in the 21^st century."
—Valerie Hudson and Andrea den Boer in Bare Branches (FS 26:7/333)

• SUSTAINABLE FOREST MANAGEMENT. "... sustainable forest management around the world has been steady and encouraging."
—FAO report, State of the World's Forests 2003 (FS 26:7/305)

• WORKFORCE TRENDS IN U.S. The US workforce in the next 10-15 years will continue to grow, but at a much slower rate, with greater workforce participation by the elderly, the disabled, and women with children.
—RAND report on The 21^st Century at Work (FS 26:8/379)

• TRANSPORTATION INNOVATION. "University communities are at the leading edge in transportation innovation, developing new approaches that may have broad application, from central cities to suburban corporate campuses."
—Will Toor and Spenser Havlick in Transportation & Sustainable Campus Communities (FS 26:7/349)

• NOVEL FUTURES: RAPID GROWTH. "For the overwhelming preponderance of human history, humans have lived in societies that were characterized by 80% continuities, 15% cycles, and only 5% novelties at best. Now I believe the figures are reversed: 80% of our futures may be novel, 15% cyclical, and only 5% continuous with the past and present."
—Prof. Jim Dator, Hawaii Center for Futures Studies (FS 26:7/317)

II. TOP TEN FORECASTS from FUTURE SURVEY, Fall 2004 ...

• WORLD POPULATION IN 2050. The human population is projected to grow from 6.4 billion as of mid-2004 to 7.9 billion in 2025 (24% growth) and 9.3% in 2050 (45% growth).
—Carl Haub, Population Reference Bureau (FS 26:9/401)

• AGING SOCIETIES. "Fiscal pressures associated with aging societies are set to intensify over the next few years, and even more so beyond…deficits and debts are on an explosive path in most large OECD countries, as well as in many smaller ones."
—OECD Economic Outlook, 2004/1 (FS 26:8/392)

• GREATER TRANSPARENCY. Pervasive computing and documentation will ultimately make all things transparent in all public and private enterprises, with total transparency finally becoming international law in 15-20 years.
—David Pearce Snyder on "Five Meta-Trends Changing the World" (FS 26:7/326)

• NORTH-SOUTH DIVIDE. "It is probable that, as of 2025, the North-South divide in the world-system will not be significantly reduced; indeed, it might be quite enlarged."
—Immanuel Wallerstein on the relative decline of the US in the world (FS 26:9/411)

Artist: Skrik

• AL QAEDA'S NEXT ATTACK. " ... this war has the potential to last beyond our children's lifetimes and to be fought mostly on US soil."
—"Anonymous" (CIA analyst Michael Scheuer) on Imperial Hubris (FS 26:9/417)

• AL QAEDA'S LONG-TERM PROGRAM. " ... it is part of a much longer strategy that might stretch over half a century."
—Prof. Paul Rogers of Bradford University, UK (FS 26:9/418)

• GLOBAL FASCISM AHEAD? "The dangers of global fascism cannot be discounted as imaginary or alarmist."
—Prof. Richard A. Falk in The Declining World Order: America's Imperial Geopolitics (FS 26:7/316)

• FIBER FARMS. A few very large international corporations will increasingly dominate global markets in wood products. They will move toward fiber farms of intensively managed engineered trees grown on short rotations. These fiber farms "will certainly have the capacity to meet and grossly exceed global needs for bulk wood fiber for the next century."
—David Lindermayer and Jerry Franklin on forest sustainability (FS 26:7/306)

• IMPACT OF "NO CHILD LEFT BEHIND. NCLB systems for evaluating public schools place great score-boosting pressures on teachers, usually followed by unsound classroom instruction. Many students "will receive a far worse education than they would otherwise be receiving," and NCLB will implode in several years.
—UCLA assessment expert W. James Popham (FS 26:89/370)

• MONSTER QUAKE IN MIDWEST? The probability of another huge quake in the New Madrid Seismic Zone in Missouri, similar to the three quakes of 1811-1812, is roughly 20% between now and 2100. It could incur a cost of $1 trillion, probably bankrupting some state and local governments.
—Jake Page and Dartmouth earth scientist Charles Officer on The Big One (FS 26:7/311).

III. TOP TEN PROPOSALS from Future Survey, Fall 2004 ...

• BREAKTHROUGH SCENARIO. An ideal scenario for the 2005-2020 period, describing popular movements for peace, reform of the world monetary system, more equitable distribution of resourses, widespread government and corporate reform, etc.
—Ervin Laszlo, Global Citizen's Handbook (FS 26:9/404)

• A FUTURE WORTH CREATING. Eradicating disconnectedness in the global economy is "the defining security task of our age…by expanding the connectivity of globalization, we increase peace and prosperity worldwide…making globalization truly global…(is) a future worth creating."
—Defense strategist Thomas P.M. Barnett, The Pentagon's New Map (FS 26:9/407)

• OUSTING DICTATORS BY 2025. A plan to get rid of the last 45 dictators in the world by 2025, because democracies provide more freedom and better governance. "It is wrong to stand by and do nothing when people anywhere on Earth are being brutally treated by the despots who rule them."
—Freedom House VP Mark Palmer, Breaking the Real Axis of Evil (FS 26:7/321)

• COMMUNITARIAN APPROACH TO INTERNATIONAL RELATIONS. A new layer of governance is needed, but one that differs from the neo-conservative and hyper-liberal views. Emphasis is needed on enhancing community building and on a convergence of interests.
—GWU Prof Amitai Etzioni, From Empire to Community (FS 26:7/320)

• STATE-BUILDING. "How to promote governance of weak states, improve their democratic legitimacy, and strengthen self-sustaining institutions…(is) the central project of contemporary international politics…because weak or failed states are the source of many of the world's most serious problems."
—Francis Fukuyama on governance and world order in the 21^st century (FS 26:7/322)

• ANTI-TERRORISM STRATEGY. A three-dimensional strategy is proposed: attack terrorists and their organizations, prevent growth of Islamist terrorism, and protect against and prepare for terrorist attacks on the US.
—The 9/11 Commission Report (FS 26:9/416)

• GIRL'S EDUCATION. Investing in girl's education is "a strategy that will jump-start all other development goals." There is no tool for development that is more effective.
—UNICEF Director Carol Bellamy, State of the World's Children 2004 (FS 26:8/397)

• RETIRING RETIREMENT. "The concept of retirement is outdated and should be put out to pasture in favor of a more flexible approach to ongoing work—one that serves both employer and employee."
—Aging expert Ken Dychtwald in Harvard Business Review (FS 26:8/386)

• REDESIGNING CITIES. Numerous proposals for redesign of neighborhoods, transport, commercial corridors, historic districts, parks, and public spaces to produce a more livable urban environment.
—Jonathan Barnett, U of Pennsylvania Prof of City and Regional Planning (FS 26:7/339)

• NATURAL STEP FOR COMMUNITIES. Profiles accomplishments of 60 Swedish communities that employed the Natural Step Approach toward sustainability.
—Sara James and Torbjorn Lahti on how cities and towns can change (FS 26:7/341) 
COPYRIGHT © 2004 WORLD FUTURE SOCIETY

ARE WE ALL LEMMINGS, WE BLOGGERS?

PZ Myers - a liberal atheist biology professor in rural Minnesota - blogs @ http://pharyngula.org/

He got this from "Profgrrrrl", also a blogger. It's just one of those things people challenge you to do 'cuz they figure you have time to waste. It's fun, though. Here's Doc Myers' result - followed by Rev. Art's. Grab the nearest book. Open the book to page 123. Find the fifth sentence. Post the text of the sentence in your journal along with these instructions. Don't search around and look for the "coolest" book you can find. Do what's actually next to you.

The book is Concepts of Genetics by WS Klug and MR Cummings (definitely uncool, it's the text for my course this term.) Page 123 is the end of chapter 5, "Quantitative Genetics." The magic sentence is:

"That the allele for small fruit is partially dominant to the large fruit allele suggests that the genetic alteration between the two alleles is involved in the regulation of floral development, ultimately determining carpel number."

OK. Here's my book, An Underground Education - (The unauthorized and outrageous supplement to everything you thought you knew about art, sex, business, crime, science, medicine, and other fields of human knowledge),by Richard Zacks. Page 123 is in a section called "Crime and Punishment", at the beginning of an article, "The Real-Life Criminal Who Dueled Sherlock Holmes". The fifth sentence reads:

"Sir Arthur Conan Doyle patterned his great deviant mastermind, Professor Moriarty, after a real-life criminal, Adam Worth, an erudite American Jew who was operating an international network of thieves from London, plotting heists as far away as Constantinople and Cape Town."

Good fortune. COMMENT!! Please spread the meme. Don't be a stranger. Don't smoke in bed ...

ENOUGH ALREADY OF CINDY SHEEHAN'S CUNNING STUNTS!

"This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man."

[William Shakespeare]

"Assent - and you are sane -
demur - you're straightway dangerous - ,
and handled with a Chain - ."
[Emily Dickinson (1830-1886) American Poet]

I'm the kind of girl you wanna fuck, but then you don't want to tell your friends." [Courtney Love - Page Six]

WHY WE HAVE TO GET THE TROOPS OUT OF IRAQ
Juan Cole - Professor of History at the University of Michigan

(2-25-2005) The hundreds of thousands of protesters who came out throughout the world on Saturday were demanding a US and British withdrawal from Iraq.

The protesters are right that we have to get US ground troops out of Iraq. The issue is not the rights and wrongs of the war. There were no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. There was no nuclear program, and the mushroom clouds with which Bush, Cheney, Rumsfeld and Rice menaced us were figments of their fevered imaginations, no more substantial than the hateful internal voices that afflict schizophrenics ... The Bush administration deliberately hid the crucial information (that al-Qaeda had refused to cooperate with Saddam Hussein) from the American people, and puzzled US intelligence officials who knew about it were astounded to see Cheney and others continually go on television and assert that Saddam and Bin Laden were in cahoots in the build-up to the war ... That US soldiers are dying in Iraq, with the number approaching 2,000, is a tragedy.

But (these are not reasons) to get the ground troops out now. Click:
Informed Opinion Blog

GUMMINT SITE BEGS BUCK$ FOR IRAQ!

According to a report over the weekend, the fund has collected all of $600 so far ... Iraq Support ... The public's reluctance to contribute much more than the cost of two iPods to the administration's attempt to offer citizens 'a further stake in building a free and prosperous Iraq' has been seized on by critics as evidence of growing ambivalence over that country. The Guardian

PRO-WAR RALLY TANKS

Bwwwaaahahaha!! They were expecting 20,000 people and they got 400. That probably is everyone left in America who still supports the war. 12th Harmonic

WHAT IF PRO-FOOTBALLER TURNED SPECIAL FORCES HONCHO PAT TILLMAN HAD VOTED FOR KERRY?!

A report in The San Francisco Chronicle not only strengthens the evidence that the Pentagon deliberately covered up Tillman's death from friendly-fire to better exploit him as a PR tool, it reveals that ... Tillman was an independent-minded, outspoken Bush critic who planned to vote for John Kerry. SF GATE

FRIST & TORTURE: WHAT DID HE KNOW AND WHEN DID HE KNOW IT?

Time magazine yesterday revealed new allegations of systematic abuse of Iraqi detainees made by a “decorated former Captain in the Army’s 82nd Airborne Division.” For months, the Captain says, U.S. soldiers were directed “to conduct daily beatings of prisoners prior to questioning.” In one instance, “a soldier allegedly broke a detainee’s leg with a metal bat.” Other prisoners had “their faces and eyes exposed to burning chemicals.”

The Captain revealed this abuse to Human Rights Watch in July 2005. He also reported his charges to “three senior Republican senators,” including Majority Leader Bill Frist and Sen. John McCain. The torture, he said, was due primarily to “chronic confusion over U.S. military detention policies and whether or not the Geneva Convention applied.”

On July 27, the same month the Captain came forward, Sen. Frist single-handedly derailed a bipartisan effort — led by Sen. McCain — to clarify rules for the treatment of enemy prisoners at U.S. prison camps. In what news reports at the time described as an “unusual move,” Frist “simply pulled the bill from consideration” before it could be debated.

Bill Frist needs to come clean: Was his office told of the “systematic abuse” in the 82nd Airborne before he torpedoed the new detainee laws?  THINK PROGRESS 

John McCain said Sunday that abuse of Iraqi prisoners by U.S. soldiers, alleged anew in a report and under investigation again by the army, is hurting the country’s image abroad ...
Landover
SENATOR BILL FRIST IS ALL UPSIDE DOWN!

The Senator from Tennessee - in whose mouth butter wouldn't melt - the gentle leader who would seek to be the Christianist nominee for POTUS in '08 - has it all upside down:

1) He thought Terri Schiavo could SEE!

2) He thought his personal financial trust was BLIND!

RANT, REV:
The anti-war movement is too important to let it be co-opted by the usual orgs on the far-left. We who know how harmful this war is for our country (and for Iraq) must be careful about cozying up to someone as loopy as Cindy.

As of today, I believe Cindy Sheehan has jumped the shark. Looking at the glee on her face as she was arrested yesterday confirms a creeping feeling I've had for a while -- she's enjoying her celebrity just a little too much.... she is not an organizer, a politician, an activist or anything else we need now. She's a broken-hearted mom, a symbol of what's wrong with the war. She's changed, the country has changed and it's time to move on. Thank you for all you have done, Cindy. Please step aside. Patridiot.com

FAITH-BASED APOCALYPSE NOW! AANEWS           

(DUBYA's scheme for) reconstructing much of the Gulf Coast area along ideological lines that mesh with Bush's religious vision, a social tapestry wistfully described by columnist Kathleen Parker as:

"(A) beautiful landscape of ante-bellum Habitat for Humanity-built porches filled with happy voucher-educated African American children
giggling on joggling boards in two-parent homes headed by an entrepreneurial father and a stay-at-home mother..."

An undetermined number of "chaplains" have been sent into the disaster areas -- at public expense -- in order to "minister" to victims and even bless corpses.  Newsweek magazine (September 26, 2005) exposed a FEMA mandate that requires contractors engaged in recovery of bodies from Hurricane Katrina to provide chaplains to bless the corpses.  The story quoted an unidentified FEMA spokesperson who, when queried about the troubling First Amendment aspects of this new policy, glibly responded: "A prayer is not necessarily religious.  Everybody prays."

Reports from local news outlets provide an equally disturbing picture
of how the emergency on the Gulf Coast is rapidly becoming a
convenient excuse to effectively suspend the Establishment Clause of
the First Amendment ...

And there's more:

Official chaplains operating with National Guard units have hurried down to the Gulf Coast region - at public expense - armed with prayer literature and Bibles as part of their "ministry."

And there is the more over-the-top outburst by (slimy toad-preacher) Rev.  Bobby Welch, president of the Southern Baptist Convention who reported that while standing amid debris in the town of Gulfport, Miss., he heard God
address him through a small, mangled doll he picked up off the street (Baptist Press, 9/20/05). 

Welch told the SBC Executive Committee, "I'm willing to say dolls can't talk, but I'm also willing to acknowledge that God was able to use mules and roosters and everything else to get the word across ... and it was like this little doll was saying to me, 'Don't you see?  Disasters don't discriminate.' "

Welch used the alleged incident to justify a policy of mixing spiritual proselytizing with material aid, adding "We must seize this opportunity.  We must not discriminate.  We must not leave one crowd and go to another... don't forget those back home - they need the same Gospel!"

Referring to the hundreds of thousands impacted by Hurricane Katrina, Welch concluded: "Give them Jesus.  Give them Jesus.  Give them Jesus! You may run out of water, you may run out of beans, you may run out of chow, but you won't run out of Jesus!  Give them Jesus!"

Fine. Just don't give these pouf-haired, cotton-mouthed, extorting exhorters get their soft uncalloused mitts on MY tax dollars!

Roq LaRue Gallery

Good fortune. COMMENT! Please spread the meme. Don't smoke in bed ...

WELL HOWDY, REV'LERS! P.O.E.T.S. /\ 092405!

PISS ON EVER'THIN' -
T'DAY'S SATURDAY, September, 24, 2ôô5

(Click on any image to enlarge)

"Them Weary Blues"
Artist: George Hunt

NIETZSCHE IS PEACHY! THUS FREDDIE SPAKE:
"He who fights against monsters should see to it that he does not become a monster in the process. And when you stare persistently into an abyss, the abyss also stares into you." - [Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche]
BLOGGING is my life! BLOGGING is the CHEEZWHIZ on my Nachos. BLOGGING is the PEANUT BUTTER on THE ROOF OF MY MOUTH. BLOGGING is the green fuzzy stuff on my cottage cheese.

All my life I've wanted to be SOMEBODY. But I see now I should have been MORE SPECIFIC.

Are BOTH T.V.S on??

I know you would have LOVED me in my PREVIOUS LIFE
as a COMPLETE STRANGER.

BEEP-BEEP!!  I'm visualizing a '49 STUDEBAKER!!

LOOK! I think we've FOUND NEMO!

WELCOME TO AMERICA - where LIFE is a never-ending INFORMERCIAL!

WELCOME to the land of THE DONALD AND THE MARTHA as promised in TV GUIDE!

WOO-HOO!  Is this sexual intercourse yet?? Is it, huh, is it??

I'm not an Iranian!!  I voted for HOWARD METZENBAUM!!

HEY! Someone DROOLED on my collar!!

UNLEASH CHIANG!

Isn't this my STOP?!
"Oceania (commonly called the US and Britain) is at war with (remove: Afghanistan) Iraq. Oceania has always been at war with (remove: Afghanistan) Iraq."

STUDENTS FOR AN ORWELLIAN SOCIETY have to be pleased with the way things are going the last 4-1/2 years:

It's okay that there were no “weapons of mass destruction” in Iraq; that's not why we went to war. It's equally okay that there are so many of them in Oceania.

US Congressman Charlie Rangel has been arguing for a return of military conscription (“The Draft”) as—so he tells the public— a way of reducing war.

Flying while wearing certain buttons may not be permitted. It is, apparently, okay to wear a button saying, “Hooray for Tony Blair,” though.

A student in Washington state was disciplined and questioned by the Secret Service for drawing ungood pictures of the President.

We're pleased to learn that the government has been removing information from websites which do not agree with the current administration's policies. For example, the CDC's website no longer points out that condoms are an effective means of stopping sexually transmitted diseases.

Do not email President Bush!!

In the grandest pro-Orwellian tradition, science is (fortunately) no longer a tool for objective truth, but rather one to promote an agenda. Huzzah!

Report Thoughtcrime * War Is Peace * Freedom Is Slavery
Ignorance Is Strength * Big Brother Is Watching You

Poem From The WRITER's ALMANAC :
excerpt from "The Old Life", by Donald Hall

There are miseries
of childhood that an old man's mind—alien
in the hour of injections
and restraints, ignorant of what
day or season it is—
will clutch to itself with angry tears.
I wanted a Mickey Mouse
watch as much as, later in life,
I wanted a job,
a prize, or a woman. It disappeared
a month after my fifth
birthday, and sixty years afterward
I grieve for it whenever
I regret something lost.
( ... Sigh ... Da Rev still misses his 1955 Metallic Green Schwinn Jaguar ...)

GOOD MORNING AMERICA WEEKEND HOST GIVES "MY APOLOGIES," - AN ON AIR  RETRACTION - FOR "NO ATHEISTS IN FOXHOLES
OR HURRICANE ZONES" REMARK

Bill Weir, a host for the popular ABC network program "Good Morning America", issued an apology on the program last Sunday AM for remarks made earlier this month that stated: "There are no Atheists in Foxholes or hurricane zones."

American Atheists President Ellen Johnson had launched a phone, E-mail and letter-writing campaign encouraging members and supporters to contact Mr. Weir and the ABC network to demand a retraction.  Earlier last week, the campaign was expanded when people were asked to contact Mr. George Mitchell, Chairman of the Walt Disney Company which owns ABC.

FEMA Director Michael Brown as Baghdad Bob

"There are no unfed Americans in Astrodome. Never!"
"My feelings - as usual - we will take care of them all"
"Our initial assessment is that they will all be OK"
"I blame CNN - they are marketing for the looters!"
"God will roast their stomachs in hell at the hands of MREs."
"They're coming to surrender or be tucked away in the dome."
"No I am not scared, and neither should you be!"
"Be assured. Orleans is safe, protected"

THIS JUST ______________ IN ! !

"You know, there's one big difference between George Bush and Marie Antoinette, and that is when Marie Antoinette said 'Let them eat cake,' they had cake" - [Bill Maher]


Vienna, Austria (Laugh Fish) - Holocaust survivor turned Nazi hunter Simon Wiesenthal died at the age of 96.  Wiesenthal spent more than 50-years hunting Nazi war criminals.  It was estimated that he was  responsible for bringing some 1,100 war criminals to justice.

COMEDIAN ARGUS HAMILTON presents the best current affairs humor of the past week:
Simon Wiesenthal never caught up with Colonel Klink - who has been doing dinner theater in Clearwater, Florida the past 25 years.

The Justice Department argued to a Texas court this week that Pope Benedict cannot be sued for covering up child molestation by priests because he is a head of state. It doesn't bother the former Cardinal Ratzinger. When Simon Wiesenthal died Tuesday the pope slept with his door unlocked for the first time in sixty years.


President Bush took responsibility last week for bungling the Hurricane Katrina relief. Race was not a factor. If three hundred thousand Episcopalians had been stranded by the hurricane the response would have been just as slow and incompetent.                                                                                          

From Wonkette: For awhile there it looked like Hurricane Rita might have a "CRYING GAME" twist in store for Houston . . .

Hurricane Rita sent the evacuees in the Houston Astrodome packing Wednesday. Hurricane Katrina just chased them out of New Orleans. Black leaders are demanding that the next hurricane be named after Lester Maddox just so everybody knows what's going on.

House Republicans said they might delay the Medicare prescription drug program to pay for Katrina. Great idea. The number of lives lost to the hurricane will be balanced by the number of lives saved when you take everyone off arthritis medicine.

North Korea's government promised on Monday to give up their nuclear weapons program and in return the United States government promised not to attack or invade North Korea. The agreement is shaky because everyone knows this is a regime that has a history of not telling the truth. North Korea is not terribly reliable either.

Artist: Bill Day

President Bush spoke at the National Cathedral last Friday. He promised hurricane victims health care, housing, jobs, racial equality, cash, forty acres and a mule. It's the least he could do. The crowd went wild when he introduced his wife Laura Bird and his two daughters Jenna Bird and Barbara Bird.

Dick Cheney will have surgery in a couple of days to treat an aneurysm in an artery behind his right knee. His health is much better lately. The vice president has felt as young as a spring chicken ever since he had his Colin Powell removed in January.

HERE'S SOMETHIN' REALLY,
REALLY IMPORTANT!

WOW! HAPPY 94th BIRTHDAY TO THE "BRONZE BUCKAROO"!

EVERY THIRD COWBOY IN THE OLD WEST WAS A BLACK MAN -
but Herb Jeffries was the first and only black singing cowboy!

The tall, handsome, athletic “Bronze Buckaroo” as he is known, not only starred as Bob Blake, a fearless character, in a string of musical western films he produced and cast in the 1930s. He did all his own riding and stunts. When "Harlem on the Prairie" opened, Jeffries (variously billed as "Jefferies" and "Jeffrey") was the first in film history to portray an African-American hero.

Herb Jeffries, at 94, is the sole surviving member of the Duke Ellington Orchestra. He is still going strong with singing engagements booked in advance. Known to jazz lovers all over the world for his remarkable renditions of “Angel Eyes”, “Satin Doll” and “Flamingo”, his signature song, Herb's renditions went platinum and are still being sold after 60 years. In 2003, Frankie Laine presented the Living Legacy Legend Award to his friend and colleague. Frankie, who is only 93, received the Living Legacy Legend Award in 2000. Herb is also a psychologist and writer.

"Most people come to this world by stork. I came by Flamingo, and Duke Ellington delivered me ... My mother was Irish, my father Sicilian, and my great-grandmother was Ethiopian. I don't know what to call myself, except American ... "They put Max Factor 'Egyptian 24' on me ... " (because he had such light skin.) [Herb Jeffries]

New York, NY (Laugh Fish) - Actress Jennifer Aniston appeared on “The Oprah Winfrey Show” and announced that she is over Brad and is moving on with her life.  Said Jennifer, “I’m even thinking about dating again.”  When Tom Cruise heard the news he said, “Man! I could be pretending to date Jennifer Aniston instead of pretending to date Katie Holmes.”

More from ARGUS HAMILTON:

China Daily reported that a company in China has named a condom after Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky. It's a free political advertisement. The #1 thing the Democrats have going for them is that it's no fun being a Republican.

The Centers for Disease Control (CDC) said more women are having same-sex encounters. It's eleven percent compared to four percent ten years ago. That's because a decade ago the Iraq war had been over for years and the troops were home.

The Pledge of Allegiance was outlawed over a judicial interpretation of the separation of religion and government. Other legal minds believe the Founders meant to ban a national church. The idea, they say, was to allow each state to establish its very own religion. Under such a plan, Californians today would be swearing in court to tell the truth. "So help me, Self."

Delta Airlines filed for Chapter Eleven protection Tuesday. It won't change their hospitality. Toward the end of every flight the pilot announces that he realizes you have a choice of bankrupt airlines and he thanks you for choosing Delta.

President Bush said he wants emergency authority to call in the U.S. Army and rule a disaster zone by martial law. That wouldn't work in New Orleans. The only rule in New Orleans is, never try to pick up a woman wearing a Super Bowl ring.

WARNING!
PG - 34

Roq LaRue Gallery
Roq LaRue Gallery

One night, Pinnochio's girlfriend says to him, "This stinks. Every time we make love I get splinters."
So Pinnochio goes to Gepetto to ask his advice. Gepetto says, "Sandpaper, my boy, that's all you need."
A few days later Gepetto runs into Pinnochio and says, "So how are you doing with the girls now?"
Pinnochio says, "Who needs girls?"

They just don't come any cuter ...

WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?"
HUSBAND: "Definitely not!"
WIFE: "Why not - don't you like being married?"
HUSBAND: "Of course I do."
WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry?"
HUSBAND: "Okay, I'd get married again."
WIFE: "You would? (with a hurtful look on her face)."
HUSBAND: (makes audible groan).
WIFE: "Would you sleep with her in our bed?"
HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep?"
WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?"
HUSBAND: "That would seem like the proper thing to do."
WIFE: "Would you play golf with her?"
HUSBAND: "I guess so."
WIFE: "Would she use my golf clubs?"
HUSBAND: "No, she's left-handed."
WIFE: - - - silence - - -
HUSBAND: "Oh, Shit"                                                                                          
Actress Janine Turner

This guy's at work when he receives a call from the hospital informing him that his wife's been in an accident. He rushes to the emergency room where he's met by the doctor. They sit down in the waiting room and the doctor, with a very solemn look on his face starts to speak. But before he can, the guy interrupts.
Guy: "Doc, don't tell me my wife's dead. I just can't take it. Really, I can't take it. I love her."
Doctor: "Well, sir, I do have some bad news."
Again the guy interrupts.
Guy: "Doc, just tell me, did she make it?"
Doctor: "As I was saying, we did all we could. Right now she's in a vegatative state, which is likely where she'll remain for the rest of her life. She can stay here overnight, but after that, you'll have to take her home because your insurance doesn't cover this type of thing."
The guy slumps, just crushed.
Doctor: "With the right care, which will include you feeding her five times a day, cleaning her and giving her constant care on a daily basis, she'll likely live for at least another 30 years."
The guy sinks even lower, just crushed, and starts to cry.
Doctor: "As I said, your insurance doesn't cover this kind of care, so you'll have to make some sort of arrangements to purchase the equipment you'll need for your wife. I would suggest you put your house on the market today and sell it as quickly as possible and buy a mobile home. You're gonna need the excess cash. It should be enough to buy the equipment your wife needs and for you to live on for the next couple of months. By then, you should be able to qualify for welfare and other forms of state and federal aid."
By this point, the guy is sobbing uncontrollably.
The doctor reaches over, puts his hand on his shoulder and says, "Hey, look at me." The guy looks up and the doctor smiles and says, "I'm just fucking with you, she's dead!"

Jim decided to propose to Sandy, but prior to her acceptance Sandy had to confess to her man about her childhood illness. She informed Jim that she suffered a disease that left her breasts at maturity of a 12 year old. He stated that it was OK because he loved her soooo much. However, Jim felt this was also the time for him to open up and admit that he also had a deformity too. Jim looked Sandy in the eyes and said, "I too have a problem. My penis is the same size as an infant and I hope you can deal with that once we are married."
She said, "Yes I will marry you and learn to live with your infant size penis."
Sandy and Jim got married and they could not wait for the Honeymoon. Jim whisked Sandy off to their hotel suite and they started touching, teasing, holding one another... As Sandy put her hands in Jim's pants she began to scream and ran out of the room! Jim ran after her to find out what was wrong.
"You told me you penis was the size of an INFANT!", she said.
"Yes it is..... 8 pounds, 7 ounces, 19 inches long!!"

Today was over cast - but we put the top down on this glistening 1948 Plymouth Coupe Convertible when we pulled out of The Last Chance Garage ...

Good fortune. COMMENT!!
Please spread the meme. Don't smoke in bed ...

WHY DOES BUSHCO HATE HUGO CHAVEZ SO?

Here: Hugo Chavez Interview on "Nightline"

It's good to see a fairly evenhanded treatment of the Venezuelan president on an American TV network (Ted Koppel - ABC). I am very interested in getting a good read on Chavez. I realize he spouts some inflammatory rhetoric against our gummint, but I also realize our gummint often seeks to undermine foreign regimes - usually at the request of invested interests. I have no doubt that BUSHCO was behind the "recall" movement against Chavez.

So far I have seen Chavez using oil revenues to establish healthcare and education services for the long-neglected poor people of his country. And gasoline is very cheap in Venezuela, which should free up cash for other necessities or consumer goods.

So he's probably a Marxist. A pragmatic, democratic socialist regime is probably just what is required to foster an eventual market economy which would never work in a country where the rich own everything and the poor are denied the right to own property. If Chavez' movement can accomplish redistribution of the land, he'll go down in history as a true revolutionary. Remember, his hero isn't Lenin or Stalin or Castro - it's Simon Bolivar.

IRAQ & RUIN

Chris Floyd writes:

The war is lost. Three years after the invasion, the occupation forces control less and less of the country all the time. The level of wanton violence -- from all sides -- keeps rising. The physical infrastructure of the country continues to deteriorate. The social fabric is in tatters. "Reconstruction" has degenerated into outright robbery and all-pervasive graft. A piecemeal, many-sided civil war has begun. Each day of the occupation is a fresh boon to violent Islamic extremism. Each day of the occupation further brutalizes and decimates the American military, sinking it deeper into the dishonor of serving a criminal cause: the illegal, unwarranted invasion and occupation of a sovereign country, on behalf of a radical political faction that deliberately lied its way into war.

... Baghdad's water, electricity and sewers are in worse shape than a decade ago. Huge sums - such as the alleged $1bn for military supplies - are being stolen and stashed in Jordanian banks. The new constitution is a dead letter except the clauses that are blatantly sharia. These are already being enforced de facto in Shia areas...

Signalling withdrawal would, it is said, give a green light to the gangs and private militias, to revenge attacks, ethnic cleansing and even partition. That threat is no longer meaningful since these are all happening anyway. The militias have reportedly infiltrated at least half the police and internal security forces in each area. Barely a tenth of the army is considered loyal to the central authority. That a Basra police station should be vulnerable to al-Sadr irregulars is appalling. 

The 150,000 foreign troops on Iraqi soil are overwhelmingly committed to self-protection. They do not do law and order any more. Power is finding its new locus, in the mafias, sheikhdoms, militias and warlords that flourish amid anarchy. Where there is no security, the gunman is always king....

America left Vietnam and Lebanon to their fate. They survived. We left Aden and other colonies. Some, such as Malaya and Cyprus, saw bloodshed and partition. We said rightly that this was their business. So too is Iraq for the Iraqis. We have made enough mess there already. 

If Iran takes over Iraq they will give the Iraqis what we have not: a strong, central, unifying authority that is not Saddam Hussein, for good or ill. Maybe the prospect of an Iranian encroachment would unify the various factions against a common enemy besides the US.

Turn it over to the UN. What the hell do we pay all those dues for? We can't be the world's policeman. And if we continue to throw more good troops and resources after bad to try to salvage something out of the neo-cons' criminal war for empire, we will bankrupt our gummint and lose our republic.

Hell, if we're living in the last days of a declining world power, I'd rather enjoy some good old-fashioned Roman-style decadence and excess. I see no upside to pissin' away our fortune on a hunk of real estate with warring tribal factions.

War for oil was always a non-starter. Whoever controls the oilfields will sell to us as long as we can pay.

A BILLION HERE, A BILLION THERE -
PRETTY SOON, YOU'RE TALKIN' REAL MONEY!

The Guardian reports that Iraqi authorities are preparing an arrest warrant for the former defense minister under the Bush-appointed interim government of Ayad Allawi. The minister, Hazim Shaalan, who is "understood to be living in Jordan," is implicated in what Iraq's senior anticorruption official calls "possibly the largest robbery in the world" -- the bilking of more than $1 billion from the Iraqi treasury. According to the official, Judge Raid al-Rahdi, as much as $2.3 billion has "disappeared" from Iraqi government accounts, in part through multimillion-dollar arms deals, not vetted through proper channels, in which grossly inflated prices were paid for outdated or substandard equipment.

I know the moola's missin' from the Iraqi treasury - but didn't it come from the American taxpayers?

THOSE "EX-GAY" MINISTRIES?!

Actress ANNE HECHE - has often spoken of her dysfunctional childhood growing up in a family of nut-fundies. From her website:

Ellen and I had a three and a half year relationship that ended sadly, not because we were both women, but because we both wanted different things for our lives.

This NONSENSE about my mother praying for me is really making me angry. My mother never approved of my relationship with Ellen. Her hatred for our relationship is one of the many things that ultimately led to my breaking off all communication with her. (My mother, that is, not Ellen.)

The "Ex-gay" events that are going on right now make me sick. The fact that my mother is using my name to promote this movement makes me even sicker. I could not disagree more adamanty with what she and her group of unloving, unaccepting, Bible preaching hate mongers are doing. I do not believe that homosexuality is something that should be brainwashed out of someone. I do not believe that homosexuality should be anything but celebrated if that is the thing that makes an individual feel good about their life. I believe, as I have always said, that people should love who they want to love.

And for anyone who ever thought that Ellen and I broke it off becuase of sexuality, you couldn't be more mistaken. And for anyone who thought my mother's prayers had anything to do with me marrying a man, forget it ...

There are several of these nasty outfits that purport to de-program homosexuals. They're all run by nut-fundies and they have questionable results. Young people have come out of these programs and committed suicide. One of the more prominent among these Jesus-huggin', gay-bashin' groups is EXODUS, International.

Faux Beau Guy Caballero

BRIDGET - WHAT'CHA GOT IN YOUR DIARY?

So - Actress Renee Zellweger has split with Country Music personality Kenny Chesney after 4 months? Who cares? The operative words would seem to be "fraud" and "annulment". Isn't that what you'd expect her to say and the document she'd file if Kenny-boy was wedding to quiet the groundswell of rumors and jokes about his sexual orientation? Yup, he may be a fraud, but Renee must not have been paying attention . . .

ACLU: Stop Religious Discrimination in Head Start 

This week votes are planned that could make the Head Start program a victim of federally funded religious discrimination. Now, Rep.  John A.  Boehner (R-Ohio) has announced that he will introduce an amendment - possibly this week - that would allow these religion-based groups that already are receiving public money, to discriminate in hiring/firing and other practices on the basis of religion.

I do not believe that my tax dollars should be used to support government-funded religious discrimination.

The Establishment Clause prohibits government funding of religion. President Bush's misguided action providing tax money for "faith-based" institutions is unconstitutional. He is in direct violation of the supreme law of the land. Who says so? James Madison!

Unless Congress explicitly prohibits discrimination in the Head Start reauthorization bill, the Bush Administration has made it clear that it will allow religious organizations that receive federal funds to discriminate against applicants for jobs on the basis of religion, marital status, sexual orientation or any other characteristic that a religious organization finds objectionable.  Federally funded programs must protect, not gut, the civil rights of all Americans. 

Allowing discrimination based on religious beliefs would significantly impede the important goals of Head Start and separate students from the teachers and parent volunteers. It would also send a damaging message to Head Start students by teaching them that discrimination is acceptable. 




Well, howdy! Check out this SWEET low-slung '59 CITROEN. Yup, it's French...

Good Fortune . . .

BUSH FAMILY NIGHTMARE: "HELPIN' POOR PEOPLE!"

From Mark A.R. Kleiman
ATTRIBUTED (all across the internet) TO BILL MAHER:

Mr. President, this job can't be fun for you any more. There's no more money to spend--you used up all of that. You can't start another war because you used up the army. And now, darn the luck, the rest of your term has become the Bush family nightmare: helping poor people. Listen to your Mom. The cupboard's bare, the credit cards maxed out. No one's speaking to you. Mission accomplished. Now it's time to do what you've always done best: lose interest and walk away ...

you govern like Billy Joel drives ... You've performed so poorly I'm surprised that you haven't given yourself a medal ... I'm not saying you don't love this country. I'm just wondering how much worse it could be if you were on the other side.

"Horse sense is a thing a horse has that keeps it from betting on people."

REACTIONARIES all across the internet in blogs and on message boards are trying to spin their born-again frat-boy out of the mess he has gotten US into again. I encountered a right-wing, anti-progressive income tax advocatin', Jesus-huggin', war-mongerin' Bush supporter on a forum, asking, "Where's the DNC? Where's MoveOn.org.? Why aren't they helping the poor black people they are so worried about?"

Because, you dumbass, they're NOT the gummint. The gummint we got is the one YOU and your anti-gummint idealogues have campaigned for incessantly for 40 years! DUBYA has decimated all the agencies that are supposed to respond when we need them. He sent the experts packing and stuck his cronies in key agency positions - but the don't HAVE A CLUE!

This administration - not any Democratic Party organization - is in charge and they are blowin' it - BIG TIME!! The silver cloud, RETHUGLICKER, is this cabal of tax-cuttin', gummint-slashin' monkeys is beginning to turn the tide toward traditional liberal solutions again. Yeah, The Bushies have RADICALIZED the citizenry!

After most national disasters - indeed, after EVERY one that gummint response was seen to favor RICH over POOR - there has been a groundswell of populist fervor. I only hope the second-coming of the Progressives is ready to capitalize on this great challenge!

How to be morally superior to a Liberal
by Lance Mannion

It's finally becoming clear to me how they do it. How Right Wing bloggers, pundits, radio and TV blowhards, politicians, and security moms and soccer dads maintain their sense of moral superiority in the face of overwhelming evidence that they are not particularly moral at all.

First, you have to treat the easiset and most ordinary forms of good behavior, actions and practices that meet the most minimum standards of the definition of common decency, as if they were the most difficult and superhuman examples of virtuousness. Being faithful to your spouse is their favorite. Lance Mannion, Continued . . .

Matt Margolis (Blogs for Bush) proposes punishment for former President Bill Clinton for sounding off on BUSHCO's failures:

"I think there is one simple way to respond to this: Take Clinton off of Katrina Relief. When President Bush tapped his father and Clinton to lead a national fundraising effort, he didn't have to include Clinton at all ... So why keep Bill Clinton on board when he's using his position to both make himself look good, and to help his wife in 2006 and 2008?"

So - Matt is suggesting that Clinton really NEEDS this gig escorting Bush 41! Or that Clinton wouldn't be showing up on TV to nail DUBYA for his criminal lapses in judgement - IF the current POTUS hadn't tapped him for this plum panhandlin' gig ...?

SCANDALNAVIA?! Danes provide prostitutes for the disabled

The Danish government is under attack for paying ... sex workers to provide sex once a month for disabled people. The legal guidelines advise: "It could be of great importance that the carer speaks to the prostitute together with the person in their care, to help them express their wishes."
But opposition parties have attacked the regulations, claiming it is an immoral way of spending tax-payers' money.

Da Rev respectfully disagrees with the opposition.

The FBI is joining BUSHCO WAR ON PORN!
And it's looking for a few good agents.

Early last month, the bureau's Washington Field Office began recruiting for a new anti-obscenity squad. Attached to the job posting was a July 29 Electronic Communication from FBI headquarters to all 56 field offices, describing the initiative as "one of the top priorities" of Attorney General Alberto R. Gonzales and, by extension, of "the Director." That would be FBI Director Robert S. Mueller III ...

Gonzales endorses the rationale of predecessor Ed Meese: that adult pornography is a threat to families and children. Christian conservatives, long skeptical of Gonzales, greeted the pornography initiative with what the Family Research Council called "a growing sense of confidence in our new attorney general."

Congress began funding the obscenity initiative in fiscal 2005 and specified that the FBI must devote 10 agents to adult pornography. The bureau decided to create a dedicated squad only in the Washington Field Office. "All other field offices may investigate obscenity cases pursuant to this initiative if resources are available," the directive from headquarters said. "Field offices should not, however, divert resources from higher priority matters, such as public corruption."

Public corruption, officially, is fourth on the FBI's priority list, after protecting the United States from terrorist attack, foreign espionage and cyber-based attacks. Just below those priorities are civil rights, organized crime, white-collar crime and "significant violent crime."

BUT WAIT!

Laura Kipnis, a professor of media studies at Northwestern, writing in Slate:

... Porn may make a convenient scapegoat for everything that's appalling in the world these days, but new technologies or genres like Internet porn only thrive when they confirm dispositions already inherent in the culture ... We're a culture that hates and fears sex, but can't get enough of it ...

Take a deeply puritanical society that loves its sexual hypocrisy, in which gender and power dynamics are in flux. Add factors like increasing female financial independence, which ups the demands women are making on relationships. Then add the fact that feminism has put male sexual behavior under scrutiny in the workplace, where, by the way, economic anxiety and job stress are rampant. What social forms would be likely to flourish in such a context?

Hey, I know: Internet porn! But does porn produce anomic sexuality and relationship disconnection ...? Da Rev is going to have to commit himself to further study of the phenomenon . . .

Good fortune. COMMENTS! Please spread the meme. Don't smoke in bed ...

It's finally becoming clear to me how they do it. How Right Wing bloggers, pundits, radio and TV blowhards, politicians, and security moms and soccer dads maintain their sense of moral superiority in the face of overwhelming evidence that they are not particularly moral at all.

First, you have to treat the easiset and most ordinary forms of good behavior, actions and practices that meet the most minimum standards of the definition of common decency, as if they were the most difficult and superhuman examples of virtuousness. Being faithful to your spouse is their favorite. Lance Mannion, Continued . . .

Matt Margolis (Blogs for Bush) proposes punishment for former President Bill Clinton for sounding off on BUSHCO's failures:

"I think there is one simple way to respond to this: Take Clinton off of Katrina Relief. When President Bush tapped his father and Clinton to lead a national fundraising effort, he didn't have to include Clinton at all ... So why keep Bill Clinton on board when he's using his position to both make himself look good, and to help his wife in 2006 and 2008?"

So - Matt is suggesting that Clinton really NEEDS this gig escorting Bush 41! Or that Clinton wouldn't be showing up on TV to nail DUBYA for his criminal lapses in judgement - IF the current POTUS hadn't tapped him for this plum panhandlin' gig ...?

The Danish government is under attack for paying ... sex workers to provide sex once a month for disabled people. The legal guidelines advise: "It could be of great importance that the carer speaks to the prostitute together with the person in their care, to help them express their wishes."
But opposition parties have attacked the regulations, claiming it is an immoral way of spending tax-payers' money.

BUSH: IT'S GONNA COST WHAT IT'S GONNA COST!"

LOOKIN' FOR P.O.E.T.S.? Do da SCROLL - down ...

QUOTE UNQUOTE

"Women who bear children before they establish serious habits of work, may never establish them at all." [Erica Jong (1942~) American Author, Poet]

"It is our attitude at the beginning of a difficult task which more than anything else will affect its successful outcome." - [William James]

BUSH: "It'll cost wnat it's gonna cost ..."
Funny Pictures

Steve Moore in the WSJ, on the GOP hurricane New Dealism:
President Bush ... in effect established a new $200 billion federal line of credit. To put that $200 billion in perspective, we could give every one of the 500,000 families displaced by Katrina a check for $400,000.

President George W. Bush announced that no new taxes would be required to finance the immense costs of the reconstruction of the Gulf Coast. Appearing with him were his new investment partners; on the left is Comrade Zhou Xiaochuan, Governor of the Peoples Bank of China, and on the right is Toshihiko Fukui, Governor of the Bank of Japan.

Max Speak has this:

Bush and the Repugs will use the $60 billion as a giant political slush fund. New Orleans will be rebuilt with no greater security than before, and fewer black people; just some crappy, envirophobic water projects to benefit commerce on the river and at the port, possibly at the expense of the safety of the city's residents. ... Off the top of my head, the city should be rebuilt with the infrastructure needed to survive Noah's Great Flood, and a right of return for all residents. For bigger and better levees and flood walls, I've seen figures of $20 billion, a tenth of what we've blown out the wazoo in Iraq. MaxSpeak says rebuild the place, laissez les bon temps roulez for the next eighty years, and if it gets flooded again, rebuild it again. New Orleans, ya gotta have one.

Max Speak continues:

Funny Pictures
However messy the use of money becomes in the hands of the Bushists, I maintain that this is a watershed moment for the limited-government movement.

What we have in this Administration is an unwholesome mixture -- the term toxic soup comes to mind -- of Christian fundy prejudice (towards non-Christians, science, and the Enlightenment), Wilsonian jingoism, and blind anti-tax sentiment.

Big, stupid government is all over your bedroom and your public schools, driving your kids further into debt, rattling an insubstantial sabre at a legion of emboldened international miscreants. These people will be the death of us all.

Generalissimo W. Bunnypants described the restoration of the shining Crescent City below sea-level in Great Societyish terms, pledging $200 BILLION or whatever it may cost. He's gonna ameliorate poverty, emancipate minorities,  and bring closure to Lincoln's Reconstruction of the South - all with cost savings through custs in the currently-approved budget. Meanwhile, I'd like to point out that Tom "The Hammer" DeLay says there's NO FAT in the currently approved budget.

Peter Daou writes:

The rightwingnuts in the blogosphere and the kneejerk reactionaries who post on message boards will do EVERYTHING in their power to prevent another Katrina triangle - where the confluence of BLOGS, MEDIA, and DEMOCRATIC LEADERSHIP exposes the REAL Bush and shatters the conventional wisdom about his ability to lead.

I realize none of this rises to the level of what BJ Bill did with that cigar in the oral office . . .

Funny Pictures
President Bush writes a note to Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice during a UN General Assembly meeting, September 14, 2005: "I think I MAY NEED A BATHroom break. Is this possible?"

This dumbass has been WORLD LEADER for 5-1/2 YEARS - and he doesn't know the protocol? Condi wrote a note in reply, "Mr. President, you should have thought of that before we left home ..."
 Funny Pictures
DUBYA OFTEN PENS NOTES TO CONDI OR JOHN BOLTON WHEN HE GETS BORED AT THE UN . . .

PRESIDENT FOR THE WORLD

Lest we forget, there was a time just 5-1/2 years ago, when the US was secure in the knowledge that our people and our gummint could withstand anything bad guys or Nature might throw at us. Ahhh, former President Bill Clinton reminded us what a REAL president looks and sounds like as he took to the Sunday gab-fests:

"When James Lee Witt ran FEMA, because he had been both a local official and a federal official, he was always there early, and we always thought about that," Clinton said, referring to FEMA's head during his 1993-2001 presidency. "But both of us came out of environments with a disproportionate number of poor people."

On the US budget, Clinton warned that the federal deficit may be coming untenable, driven by foreign wars, the post-hurricane recovery programme and tax cuts that benefitted just the richest one percent of the US population, himself included.

What Americans need to understand is that ... every single day of the year, our government goes into the market and borrows money from other countries to finance Iraq, Afghanistan, Katrina, and our tax cuts ... Never in the history of our republic have we ever financed a conflict, military conflict, by borrowing money from somewhere else ...

We depend on Japan, China, the United Kingdom, Saudi Arabia, and Korea primarily to basically loan us money every day of the year ... "

When the "chickens" come home to roost - the chickenhawks will have flown the coop. . .

MAKING THE ROUNDS ON THE INTERNET:
Q: What's George Bush's position on Roe v. Wade?
A: He really doesn't care how people get out of New Orleans.
Funny Pictures

BODY COUNTS HELP TO SELL THE WAR - DON'T THEY?!

WONKETTE REPORTS:

The front page of the Washington Post this morning brought some wonderful, unexpected news: According to the U.S. military, we're winning the war in Iraq. Hooray!

The way you can tell we're winning? All the dead people! Hoo-ra. . . wait. Oh, they're dead people on the other side.

Sure, they've killed a lot of our side, too, but we've killed more. (Who gets to claim the suicide bombers, we wonder.) Hey, this arithmetical approach to war seems familiar somehow...Guess there's more than one way to learn the lessons of Vietnam ...

So long, Rev'lers - I must rush off to meet with the lads from our local Irish Northern Aid Unit http://groups.yahoo.com/group/REUINA/ ... I'm the Secretary - in charge of toasts when we raise our glasses of Jameson's - then pour 'em down our necks . . .

IRISH NORTHERN AID insists:
"An Ireland of Equals, governed for the people by the people, is the best
guarantor of justice and civil prosperity."

FACT: The small island of Ireland has two sovereign governments, one
a foreign government with its own interests and problems, with different
currencies, different policies and bureaucracies for justice, education,
agriculture, commerce, culture, health, and scores of other day-to-day issues.

Failte!

WELL HOWDY, REV'LERS! P.O.E.T.S. /\ 091705!

PISS ON EVER'THIN' -
T'DAY'S SATURDAY, September 17, 2ôô5

MISSION STATEMENT:
THIS WEB LOG exposes fictional characters in order to bring about sweeping reforms!!

(Click on any image to enlarge)

Has everybody got HALVAH spread all over their ANKLES??...
OK - Now, it's time to ``HAVE A NAGEELA''!!



NEVER accept chocolates from a Nazi!

Luckily, the exploding Smedley's English Red PLUMS in HEAVY SYRUP were intercepted in Turkey before anyone got killed.

If you're born again, do you have two belly buttons?

I Believe In Life BEFORE Death.

FCC RULES are pretty simple, really . . .
If you see a boob, it's rated R ... if you shoot a boob, it's PG-13.

"PET - ROCKER!"
HEY, ALEX! Are we "REAL PEOPLE" or "AMAZING ANIMALS"?

Here in METRO FAIRBORN, OHIO, the laundromats are open 24 hours a day!

IN ONE OF DAYTON'S HYSTERICAL DISTRICTS
Photo: Drexel Dave

I can see you GUYS an' GALS need a LOT of HELP...You're all very STUPID!!  I used to be STUPID, too ... before I installed the GOOGLE Tool Bar!!

Did you hear about the agnostic, dyslexic insomniac?
He stayed up all night wondering if there was a dog.

Dyslexic Satanists, Sell Their souls To SANTA!

I STILL MISS KOJAK!


Artist: Sheneman
I have been working on a BIG BANG THEORY!!

When the Church ruled the World it was called the Dark Ages.

"A child-like man is not a man whose development has been arrested; on the contrary, he is a man who has given himself a chance of continuing to develop long after most adults have muffled themselves in the cocoon of middle-aged habit and convention."
[Writer - Aldous Huxley]

"Never do things others can do and will do, if there are things others cannot do or will not do."
[Amelia Earhart (1897-1937) American Aviator, Author]

POEM: ARTS COUNCILS FOR
by Jacques Barzaghi Writer's Almanac

Because there is no art
There are artists

Because there are no artists
We need money

Because there is no money
We give

Because there is no we
There is art


Artist: Swenson


THIS JUST _____________ IN ! !
Comedian Argus Hamilton has the best musings on current affairs this week:
Slate

A San Francisco federal judge threw out the Pledge of Allegiance Wednesday. He ruled a child cannot be compelled to acknowledge the existence of God. The thinking in San Francisco is, when he's old enough to try mushrooms he can find out for himself.

President Bush took responsibility for the slow government response to the crisis in New Orleans. He had to take responsibility for the hurricane that hit the Big Easy, he couldn't very well take credit. That's Pat Robertson's job.

IT'S NOT THE HEAT - IT'S THE STUPIDITY!

And let's not forget that the President has been distracted by the enormous effort that has been required to ignore Cindy Sheehan.

Louisiana Governor Kathleen Blanco said Monday the number of hurricane refugees is uncountable. It's true. One Cajun told reporters he lived in the bayou all his life and knows some Boudreaus, Thibideaux and Landrys, but he never met any Refugees.

President Bush addressed the United Nations on Thursday in calm and measured tones. Laura Bush was shown listening to the speech over the headphones. She was listening to Wilfred Brimley translate the speech into cowboy rhetoric for the yahoos who watch and listen Fox News. 

Oklahoma Southern Baptists last week offered New Orleans hurricane refugees free food and lodging at their beautiful church camp in the Arbuckle Mountains, however they would not be allowed to drink or smoke. So far there have been no arrivals. If they could live in a church camp, they would not be from New Orleans.

Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff explained red tape problems in hurricane response Friday by pointing out that Homeland Security combines one hundred agencies under one roof. It takes awhile for Republicans to grasp this concept. Most of them have never shopped at Wal-Mart.

Artist: Grondahl

FEMA Director Michael Brown was told to leave. The office morale is still good. On his last day his staff threw a party for him, gave him a gold watch, and told him what his job had been.

The Mexican Army entered the U.S. Thursday with supplies for San Antonio. They brought mobile kitchen water treatment plants so our water will be as good as Mexico's water. Now we have a chance to win Best in Show at the Kaopectate Festival.

The U.S. Justice Department indicted a man in Soviet Georgia Wednesday who hurled a grenade at President Bush in Tblisi. It failed to explode. Ronald Reagan may have had Teflon but when you're really God's chosen president you have a force field.

Artist: Lalo

Howard Dean caused a storm by saying President Bush didn't care about the people of New Orleans because they were black. That's just completely untrue. President Bush didn't care about the people of New Orleans because he thought they were all French.

There's no accountability in this administration. In five years they've wrecked both hemispheres and the only guy who lost his job was the White House chef.

Artist: Crowe

Supreme Court confirmation hearings for John Roberts began Monday. Democrats couldn't get him. He graduated from Harvard Law School, he clerked under William Rehnquist, and he's rented nothing but Julie Andrews movies for the last twenty years.

The U.S. Senate is considering a bill that would give Hawaiians their own tribal government, causing fears the state might secede from the Union. Who could blame them? They have to secede from the Union before the next hurricane or they will all be drowned.

HERE'S SOMETHIN' REALLY,
REALLY IMPORTANT!

George Carlin told Playboy magazine he spent fifty-four years smoking pot and drinking alcohol and snorting cocaine and taking Vicodin until he got sober in January. That's a lot of addictions. It's easier to withdraw from Iraq.

Slate
The White House announced Wednesday it will fortify the U.S.-Mexican border by building fences equipped with television cameras. It will be expensive. Any Mexican who makes four camera appearances automatically qualifies for Screen Actors Guild medical coverage.

The Nuclear Regulatory Commission voted Friday to bury tons of nuclear waste in Utah. The desert is the safest place for radioactive material. Frank Sinatra's liver was buried near Palm Springs six years ago and so far there is no sign of widespread contamination.

SOON: Philip Seymour Hoffman in "Capote"...

Carnival Cruises donated three luxury liners for evacuees last week. This is why we have elections. Democrats get eleven thousand cots in the Astrodome while Republicans get Jack Jones for the dinner show and Pat Harrington for the cocktail show.

Arnold Schwarzenegger said he will veto the same-sex marriage bill passed by the California Assembly. It could save baseball. If the bill becomes law, home-run hitters can marry their trainers and no one will be forced to testify against each other.

WARNING!

PG - 34

A young lady came home from a date looking rather sad. She told her mother, "Arthur proposed to me an hour ago."
"Then why are you so sad?" her mother asked.
"Because he also told me he was an atheist. Mom, he doesn't even believe there's a hell."
Her mother replied, "Marry him anyway. Between the two of us, we'll show him how wrong he is."

Actress: Jacquelyne Bissett

A Buddhist approaches a hotdog vendor and says: "Make me one with everything."
He gives the vendor a $20 bill and waits. Finally he says: "Where's my change?"
Says the vendor: "All change must come from within."

KENYAN MAN, 85, BEGINS SCHOOLING
New York, NY (Laugh Fish) -

Kimani Ng’ang’ has waited 85 years to attend his first day of formalized school.  Kimani is  participating in a program through the United Nations that helps impoverished people from  around the world get into structured educational programs.  Kimani was joined by Nane Annan, the wife of U.N. Secretary-General Kofi Annan for a joint press conference to announce the launch of the program.  When asked what his first day of school was like, Mr. Ng’ang’a said, “I probably felt just like any other boy on their first day of school. I was kind of embarrassed when I went up to write on the chalkboard because I had a huge boner.”
... HUGE BONER! ...
BRITNEY DELIVERS!
WHO'S THE DADDY?!?

... GASP! ... NOT MADONNA?!

 Artist: Kevin Williams
OH, MAN! THEY'RE DOIN' EACH OTHER!!

A Greek and an Italian were sitting down one day debating who had the superior culture. The Greek says, "We have the Parthenon."
The Italian says, "We have the Coliseum."
The Greek says, "We had great Mathematicians."
The Italian says, "We had the Roman Empire."
  ... and so on and so on ... and then the Greek says: "We invented sex."
The Italian says, "That is true, but it was the Romans who introduced
it  to women... "

What a beautiful day to pull the '41 Studebaker Champion outta The Last Chance Garage and tool on over to where Amelia keeps her aeroplane!

Good fortune. COMMENTS!!
Please spread the meme. Don't smoke in bed ...

WHO WILL VOLUNTEER TO COLLECT FOR THE VICTIMS OF THE VOLUNTEERS COLLECTING FOR THE VICTIMS OF THE HURRICANE?!

I know Bucyrus well - and there's a REASON they don't have any 4-way stops!

Volunteer Standing In Street Cited In Bucyrus Crash
Bucyrus On-line - 09-13-2005

A volunteer for a local charity was cited in a four-car crash involving a pedestrian on State Route 4 in Bucyrus. The volunteer was standing in the road at the time of the crash.

Saturday afternoon, a semi truck was heading northbound on Route 4 coming into Bucyrus. Suddenly it approached a line up of cars that were stopped giving donations to volunteers of the Bucyrus Professional Network who were in the road collecting money for Hurricane relief.

The driver of the semi, 23-year-old Adam Softic of Chicago, was allegedly distracted by his cell phone and began to apply his brakes, but was unable to stop in time, causing him to hit the pick up truck in front of him driven by 45-year-old Randy Warwick of Bucyrus. Upon impact, Warwick’s truck was forced into the car in front of him driven by 16-year-old Jarrenn Johnson of Bucyrus.

Johnson’s vehicle slid off to the right side of the roadway while the pick up truck lost control driving right into the front lot of Walston Motors running over a tent and slamming into a 1964 Pontiac GTO that was on display in the car show.

Warwick and his passenger were both transported to Bucyrus Community Hospital for serious injuries but have since then been released. Forty-three-year-old Fonda Moore, one of the volunteers for the Bucyrus Professional Network was cited for being in the roadway and causing stopped traffic. According to WBCO/WQEL, Softic was cited for assured cleared distance.

COMMEMORATING Da BORK!
Remember when the Reagan-nominated, religio-fascist, law professor Robert Bork was turned down for the Supreme Court? It was 1987. Bork still shows up as a old gray-bearded, combed-over, nattering head on the cable news blab -fests. Now his son is peddling tee-shirts that read: "BORK FOR SUPREME COURT. HE'S TANNED, RESTED & READY!"

REHNQUIST'S INTERRED. NOW CAN WE SAY IT?
IT'S THE FEDERALISM, STUPID!
I've posted hereabouts several times that we need to take a look at federalism.

When some conservatives ignore the inaction -the downright inattention - on the part of the administration, including the Pentagon and Justice Department officials, these same apologists on the right are quick to point out the shortcomings of the Governor of Louisiana and the Mayor of N'Awlins.

What the apologists for BUSHCO are fingering as the cause of the Katrina debacle is "states rights" - an article of religious faith with so many conservatives.

Remember, they have lionized the late Chief Justice William Rehnquist whose court was most instrumental in reviving dramatically the creaking concept of decentralization of power.  Mickey Kaus, in SLATE wonders,

Will Bush follow through on the current White House line of thinking and denounce hyperbolic assertions of state prerogatives (such as those embedded in a narrow interpretation of the unfortunate commerce clause)? Will he nominate someone to fill the vacant Supreme Court seat who rejects the Rehnquist view?"

There was nothing legal standing in the way of Bush's ordering troops into New Orleans to aid in evacuation and to keep order - IF he had been sufficiently aware of the situation's requirements.

NBC's smart reporter-weekend anchor at the scene, Campbell Brown, is a native of Louisiana, the only state that follows the famed, failed emperor's own "Napoleonic Code". She stated:

Watching the power struggles play out between New Orleans officials and the state and federal government has been beyond frustrating. ... They let the bureaucracy get in the way of saving lives ..."

WHAT IF - there were only the Federal gummint and, instead of 50 states, there were 10 or 12 regional administrative entities. WHAT IF - Counties administered all public services in a state or region - turning all those individual city, village and township buildings into branch offices or cellphone sales centers?

Bureaucracy is a requirement to implement services and strategies; inefficient bureaucracies aren't necessarily large or federal-level and they co$t too much. In the aftermath of Katrina, we want to blame the "go to" official - but nobody can say for certain who that may have been . . .

As for the sanctity of the founders' concept of Federalism, I think Hamilton would be with me on this. He had a more flexible, expansive view of the future of the Republic than, say, Jefferson or probably even Madison. We're not a nation of farmers and village artisans anymore, if we ever were. To borrow from Larry the Cable Guy, we need t' "git 'er done!"

AHHH, NOSTALGIA ISN'T WHAT IT USED TO BE . . .

When I was a pup we used to visit my grandparents in Bucyrus, Ohio. It was a major RR town, with the tracks of the both the B&O Railroad and the Pennsylvania Railroad running through town. The B&O Locomotive Repair Garage was in nearby Crestline, where my grandpa worked as a young man.
The Toledo and Ohio Central RR (T&OC) (post card) ran east and west 'til the '20s. It became The New York Central and later the Pennsylvania. The old passenger depot for the T&OC is still standing in Bucyrus and undergoing restoration.* I have the lantern my great-grandfather received upon retirement. The colored glass coating (green) is still intact and etched with his name on one side and "T&OC Caller", his occupation, on the other.

Rensselaer St., the road running east/west where the depot sits was almost completely populated with RR-oriented businesses - boarding houses, saloons, my uncle's pool room - tobacco shop and beer garden, several whore houses, laundrists, etc.

We return from time to time to relive some of the memories of years ago, to purchase genuine Carle's Bucyrus Bratwurst (wonderful stuff!) and to visit a cousin still living in the town. Bucyrus was a bustling railroad/industrial town 'til after the war. It reflects the hard times of a once-proud city that will never be much of anything again.

Clyde, Ohio, near Toledo, is another town that rose to prominence with the crossroads of two railroads that offers little now but memories. Closer to home, Bradford, Ohio, was a major RR stop from the turn of the century 'til after the war. I had a great aunt who ran a boardinghouse for the railroaders who stopped there.

* The Bucyrus Station Association plans to restore the building seen here blanketed in new snow, in February 2005. It is located at 700 E. Rensselaer in Bucyrus and turn it into a community building. The The old passenger depot for the T&OC  RR was originally built in 1892 and last operated as a train station in the mid -1920s.

The Station - prior to restoration - looked like this for years. The Bucyrus diaspora, which included my dad, would despair that it would be lost to fire deterioration.

The planned renovations - as pictured by a local artist, Ben Anslow, Jr.  -

The restored TOLEDO & OHIO CENTRAL
PASSENGER STATION.

My grandparents' home in Bucyrus was on E. Warren St. with the east/west tracks runnin' right just beyond Grandma's flower garden on the other side of an alley. In the '40s & '50s, the steam locomotives and diesels both ran through often. I used to get out of bed to watch out the back window at night. I hung out near the tracks waiting for trains a lot, waving at the engineer and the guy with the lantern hangin' off the caboose and they waved back.
"SMALL WORLD," Y' SAY?

YESTERDAY - September 13 - was the birthday of Sherwood Anderson, born in Camden, Ohio (1876). He's the author of ***Winesburg, Ohio*** - based on thinly -disguised characters and events in the town in which he was raised - TADA! CLYDE, Ohio! Small world, with or without railroads ...



I ran a MARX locomotive and cars with LIONEL accessories. The buildings were "Plasticville"!

Good fortune. COMMENT!!
Please spread the meme. Don't smoke in bed . . .

BROWN OUT!? WHO COULD HAVE SEEN THAT COMIN'? PLUS - REHNQUIST ON DRUGS ...

CONDUCTOR: SCOTUS LONELY HEARTS CLUB BAND

CHIEF JUSTICE REHNQUIST'S DRUG HABIT
The man in full.
By Jack Shafer - Slate - Sept. 9, 2005

This was a watershed event in Rehnquist's life. Did the experience—being dazed on drugs, humiliated in the press, getting off Placidyl—contribute to his jurisprudence? How could it not have?

As we usher the 16^th chief justice of the United States to his celestial reward, let us remember him in full. He labored successfully to return power to the states, treated colleagues with warmth and respect, was said to be a gregarious boss, and, inspired by a judge's costume he saw in the performance of a Gilbert and Sullivan operetta, added four silly gold stripes to each sleeve of his judicial robe.

And for the nine years between 1972 and the end of 1981, William Rehnquist consumed great quantities of the potent sedative-hypnotic Placidyl. So great was Rehnquist's Placidyl habit, dependency, or addiction—depending on how you regard long-term drug use—that by the last quarter of 1981 he began slurring his speech in public, became tongue-tied while pronouncing long words, and sometimes had trouble finishing his thoughts ...

According to a Jan. 4, 1982, New York Times account, Rehnquist sought help with the drug in December 1981 because it no longer relieved his pain. He entered George Washington University Hospital on Dec. 27. According to the physician spokesman for the hospital he suffered "disturbances in mental clarity, characterized by distorted perceptions," as doctors weaned him off the drug. The spokesman added that after his Placidyl was cut off, Rehnquist began ''hearing things and seeing things that other people did not hear and see.'' The doctors took his dose back up before re-weaning him. By mid-January, Rehnquist returned to the bench ... http://slate.msn.com/id/2125906/?nav=fix

How did Rehnquist vote on the Court's decision to retain federal jurisdiction over "Medical Marijuana"?
Rehnquist, 80, joined a dissent written by Justice Sandra Day O'Connor that said that states should be allowed to set their own policies for marijuana use.

BROWN OUT! Boy, did anyone see THIS ONE coming?!

Mike Brown issued a hand-written memo from his empty desk in an undisclosed location is a sub-basement of the White House via a mailroom courier - since there was no phone, fax, computer or even a refurbished Selectric available to him. Now he can get busy rehabilitating his image in preparation for a return to the "horsey set" . . .

(Brown Out II ... )
UNSUBSCRIBED: CLARENCE "GATEMOUTH" BROWN
Another Katrina Victim

Suffering from both heart disease and lung cancer, eclectic blues and country guitarist, fiddler, singer, harmonica player Clarence "Gatemouth" Brown died in Texas on Saturday at age 81. The Louisiana native was forced to evacuate his home in Slidell before Hurricane Katrina hit -- the house was destroyed -- and went to stay with relatives in Orange, Texas (Gate's hometown). Salon - The Fix
CUTE!
Kitten 'n' Kibble ...

MONEY QUOTE:
Kanye West on rap and immortal fame: "Death is the best thing that can ever happen to a rapper. Almost dying isn't bad either." E - ONLINE

IS POSSESSION OF SEX-AIDS CONSTITUTIONALLY PROTECTED?

"BUCKY" over @ the Democratic Underground
boards posted:
"If vibrators also fired bullets, they'd be protected under 2nd Amendment - In a discussion about "sexual minority lifestyles" just now I found out that possession a/o sale of sexual toys is criminal in some states. Obviously this is a huge violation of the right to privacy which John Roberts doesn't think exists (which is crap since right to privacy is simply a logical corrollary to protections against unlawful search and seizure). So I was thinking about this, and it occurred to me that if you want to legalize sex toys everywhere and extend to their owners the full constitutional protection to which they're due, all you really have to do is reengineer them a little bit so that vibrators, penis rings, and other snap-on implements of personal pleasure can also fire bullets. They don't have to be accurate and they don't even have to be loaded to then fully qualify for absolute protection under the Second Amendment ..."

WELL HOWDY, REV'LERS! P.O.E.T.S. /\ 091005!

Artist: Mr. Fish

(Click on images to enlarge)

P.O.E.T.S.! PISS ON EVER'THIN' -
T'DAY'S SATURDAY, September 10, 2ôô5

WELCOME TO OUR NEW SUBSCRIBERS - especially, ALFREDO!
He's a TATTOOED MIDGET who manages his own SALAMI FACTORY!

SPURIOUS QUOTES
Yow! I forgot my PAIL!! [Michael Brown, FEMA Director, at this writing]

I'm doin' OK. Ain't gon' leave my home an' my 13 dogs. Got electric and water on. Maybe I'll heat up some BAKED BEANS and watch REGIS PHILBIN. It's GREAT to be ALIVE!! [Willie Mae Witherspoon, in N'Awlins]

STILL KINDA FONDA WANDA!

Da Rev & Da Pagan Baby cruised on over to mellow Yellow Springs Thursday evening to join a decidedly diverse group of fans at Peach's Grill to enjoy a high-powered performance by the great FIRST LADY OF ROCK 'n' ROLL WANDA JACKSON - THE QUEEN OF ROCKABILLY - backed by one of the best Rockabilly aggregations I've ever heard - THE LUSTRE KINGS from Albany, New York.

It's been 49 years since Da Rev swooned for the young Wanda and bought her first Rockabilly hit, "I Gotta Know". Da Rev quickly established himself as the #1 Fan of Wanda Thursday, answering most of her questions from the stage - such as, "Does anyone know what was on the other side of this single?"
Wanda's voice seemed as strong as ever - at 68 years rockin'. She delivered so many of the hits, including "Let's Have a Party" and the self-penned "Right or Wrong", her signature song.

Yow!  Are we laid back yet?

Well, I'm INVISIBLE AGAIN. I might as well pay a visit to the LADIES ROOM ...

Artist: Ester

Mary Tyler Moore's SEVENTH HUSBAND is wearing my FAVORITE Zip Front Microsuede Shirt in a cheap hotel in RENO!

I've got to get these SNACK CAKES to THE DISPLACED BILOXI CASINO WORKERS by DAWN - but the armed combat veteran at the CHECKPOINT says I must be accompanied by a PARENT or GUARDIAN and that I SHOULD have had the government forms notarized in CINCINNATI!?!

Civilization is fun!  Anyway, it keeps us busy!!

FOR PRESIDENT: CHRISTOPHER WALKEN
(How hard can it be?)

WELL - we HAD our tax-deductible experience! NOW we need an ENERGY crunch!!

You say you're UNDER the poverty line? And the poverty line is under 9-feet of water? Have you called Barbara Bush?

Toes, knees, NIPPLES.  Toes, knees, nipples, KNUCKLES ... Nipples, dimples, knuckles, NICKLES, wrinkles, pimples!!

Artist: Sack
On the road, DUBYA is a pinhead without a purpose, but never without a POINT.

BRAIN STILL EVOLVING Chicago (LaughFish.com) - Two University of Chicago studies show that the human brain is still evolving and adapting to its environment.  The researchers found that two brain building genes, microcephalin and ASPM, have undergone dramatic mutation during periods of high intellectual growth and creativity.  70% of the population possess the microcephalin gene but only 30% have the ASPM gene.
Here's a rare occurrence of a brain with no microcephalin gene and no ASPM ...

To borrow a line from Dorothy: We’re not in Kansas anymore.
Unlike the Kansas School Board, which earlier this summer approved allowing educators to teach theories in addition to evolution that explain life on Earth, the Utah Board of Education unanimously approved a position statement supporting the continued exclusive teaching of evolution in state classrooms.
Sen. Chris Buttars, R-West Jordan, had proposed to allow teaching “intelligent design” as a theory to explain the origins of life. Good for them. Buttars, however, remained defiant and vowed to soldier on. Buttars once said, regarding intelligent design:
“We get different types of dogs and different types of cats, but you have never seen a ‘dat,’ ‘’ he said.

Trent Lott's Front Porch.Com
Buy this bumper sticker & support the victims of Katrina ...

THIS JUST _____________ IN ! !
BARBARA BUSH, The Silver Ox, RELOCATED!
(LaughFish.com) The Former First Lady Was Moved to a New Location Away From Cameras & Microphones. Mrs. Bush, who in talking about Katrina refugees said that “This is working very well for them” and that many of them “were underprivileged anyway,” was transported to a facility where she will have plenty of food and water but no more media appearances, the White House confirmed.
... some congressional critics argued that it did not act quickly enough to relocate the outspoken former First Lady. “This was an emergency situation,” said Sen. Joseph Biden (D-Del). “They should have relocated her the minute she opened her piehole!”

Barbara Bush noted Astrodome hospitality Monday and said refugees are better off than before the hurricane. Republicans are showing real concern for the poor and dispossessed. It's a harmless exercise that allows them to stretch their minds.

Artist: Plante
FEMA Chief Removed Baton Rouge, La. (LaughFish.com) - Michael Brown, the director of the Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA), was removed today from overseeing the Hurricane Katrina recovery effort.  The removal was due to ineffective performance and questionable credentials on his resume.  Mr. Brown's resume states that he previously had emergency services oversight as assistant city manager in Edmond, Oklahoma.
Mike Brown, Life Guard, Edmond OK, 30 years ago.

Bush tossed FEMA head Mike Brown out of the lifeboat Friday. "Heck of a job, Brownie!" apparently was a Bush secret code. Hey, at least "Brownie" has that nice, soft padded resume to fall back on.

Paul Begala: "You're not going to send (Cheney) to be comforter-in-chief. He's the type of guy who would look at them and growl, 'Life's tough. Get back to work.'"

The vice-president was not uniformly welcomed in Gulfport. During a press availability in the middle of a street, a young man twice shouted obscenities at him before walking away. (He yelled: ``Go fuck yourself, Mr. Cheney.") Cheney muttered, "I've had people killed for less ... Asshole ... big time."

President Bush attended services at the National  Cathedral to pray for the victims of Hurricane Katrina.  After the service Mr. Bush said, “There have been some hurtful things said about me this week.  I would like everyone to know that I care about all of God’s children.  I prayed for the thousands of Black victims.  I prayed for the thousands of White victims.  I even  prayed for the thousands of Jewish victims.”  When a reporter informed Mr. Bush that Louisiana has a very small Jewish population the President said, “That’s not true.  Karl Rove told me that they have lots of Levies down there.”

PAT ROBERTSON NOW URGES U.S. TO COVET HUGO CHAVEZ’ WIFE

Comedian Argus Hamilton's musings on the week's events:

New Orleans began pumping street water into the Gulf of Mexico on Monday. Here comes trouble. The last time water this biologically contaminated was allowed to mix with ocean life it resulted in ten years of really bad science fiction movies.

Yup - The President can REALLY MAKE A DIFFERENCE!

Bill Clinton was mobbed by hurricane survivors in the Astrodome Monday after he showed up to hug them. They were shown on camera asking him to autograph their Bibles. Everyone wanted him to sign the page that says oral sex isn't adultery.

Chief Justice William Rehnquist died Saturday at his home in Virginia. President Bush nominated John Roberts to replace him. Now DUBYA faces three options for Sandra Day O'Connor's seat. He can please Democrats by naming a moderate, he can please Republicans by naming a conservative, or he can try to recover his political career by naming Fats Domino.
The White House ordered active duty U.S. troops from Fort Bragg to New Orleans to help restore law and order. The troops feel right at home. Baghdad is a sister city of New Orleans. Baghdad's nickname is "The Big Uzi".

Great Britain released two million barrels of oil to the United States. What a gift. The world community may rally to support poor people made homeless by a terrible natural disaster in your country, but YOUR MOTHER knows what you really want.

Democrats pointed out that the New Orleans disaster was forecast and described in detail in U.S. Senate hearings two months ago. Yet it still took four days for the U.S. government to summon the National Guard. No one knows what they're teaching in those Homeland Security meetings but we know it isn't intelligent design.

The U.S. Senate has approved $60-1/2 billion for states hit by Hurricane Katrina. 50 billion goes to Homeland Security and $10-1/2 billion goes to the Pentagon. Ever since Iraq, Don Rumsfeld gets a royalty on all disasters.

HERE'S SOMETHIN' REALLY, 
REALLY IMPORTANT!

"Wedding Crashers" starring Owen Wilson and Vince Vaughan opened in the Middle East last Friday. It's getting rave reviews in the Arab newspapers. The Baghdad Constitution labeled it the funniest romantic comedy since "When Harry Bought Sally".

China's southern coast was slammed by Typhoon Talim last week. Six hundred thousand Chinese people were evacuated in a calm and orderly manner. However, in six thousand years of recorded history they have not produced one decent jazz album.

New York's famed Fifth Avenue Presbyterian Church has been rocked by an affair between its minister and a blonde church volunteer. It's a strict faith. Presbyterians believe that life is like a box of chocolates, and you can't have any.

Goodnight “Little Buddy”

Gilligan Dies Waiting for FEMA
(LaughFish.com) Pacific Ocean - Gilligan passed away this week after years of waiting for FEMA (Federal Emergency Management Agency) to arrive on the isle. Mike Brown, the director of FEMA said, “There was a breakdown in communication. We were under the impression that the local island officials would have handled the situation. Besides, the headhunters were very intimidating.

President Bush mourned the passing of actor Bob Denver, calling the “Gilligan’s Island” star “a great American and a role model for me personally.”

President Bush announced he was nominating Dan Quayle to take his place and called on the United States Senate to confirm him immediately.

1991 - Macauley Culkin with Wacko Jacko . . .

(LaughFish.com) - Reclusive pop star Michael Jackson has announced that he has written a song for the victims of Hurricane Katrina.  Titled, “From the Bottom of My Heart”, the single will be released within two weeks with all proceeds going directly to the victims.  In a related story, Michael still likes to touch little boys' pee-pees.

Michael Jackson went sailing and house hunting in Dubai Monday with the son of the King of Bahrain. It may be his new home. He just moved out of his mansion in Santa Barbara because the neighbors were starting to figure out it was NOT a grade school.

This is the ELLA MAE MORSE memorial CORNER where Da Rev worships the late JAZZ SONGSTRESS like a GODDESS! ! d.1999, 74.

WARNING: SOME ADULT CONTENT
And a lotta sophomoric humor

PG - 34



Monica Lewinsky Accepted for Grad School: 
London, England (LaughFish.com) - Monica Lewinsky has been accepted for a one-year master’s degree program at the London School of Economic and Political Science.  Classes will begin the first week of October.  Ms. Lewinsky’s thesis will be "The Complete Oral History  of American Presidents:  From Wooden Teeth to Just Plain Wood."

Yes, not only is she mostly undressed - but her weapon is suppressed.

A fireman is at the station house working outside on the fire truck when he notices a little girl next door. The little girl is in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the side.
She is wearing a fireman's hat and has the wagon tied to a dog. The fireman says "Hey little girl. What are you doing?"
The little girl says "I'm pretending to be a fireman and this is my fire truck!"
The fireman walks over to take a closer look. "Little girl that sure is a nice fire truck!" the fireman says. "Thanks mister", says the little girl. The fireman looks a little closer and notices the little girl has tied the dog to the wagon by it's testicles.
"Little girl", says the fireman, "I don't want to tell you how to run your fire truck, but if you were to tie that rope around the dog's neck I think you could go faster."
The little girl says, "You're probably right mister, but then I wouldn't have a siren!"
Artist: Marcus Gray
"Raven"

CONFUCIUS SAY ~ ~ ~
*Virginity like bubble, one prick, all gone.
*Man who walk thru airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.
*Man who scratch ass should not bite fingernails.
*Baseball is wrong: man with four balls cannot walk.
*Panties not best thing on earth but NEXT to best thing on earth.
*Crowded elevator smell different to midget.

Actress Anne Archer
Smoldering . . .

Three men die and end up in hell. The devil says to the first "Your punishment for your life of lust is to be locked in a room for 100 years, with nothing but the sexiest women and all they want to do is fuck your brains out."
Naturally the cocker runs into the room.
The devil says to the second dude, "For your life of booze and partys, you will be locked in a room for 100 years with every single type of booze ever concocted."
The drunkard runs in.
The devil says to the last guy, "For your life of herbal excess, you will be locked in a room for a hundred years with nothing but the best buds in the world."
The stoner runs into the room.
A hundred years pass. The cocker runs out of his room screaming "I'm celibate! I'm celibate! I will never touch a woman again!"
And the drunkard stumbles out of his door spewing everywhere. "I will never (hic) touch another drop of alcohol again!"
And the stoner comes bustin out of his room and says "Anyone got a light?"

BLACK-EYED PEES
What to buy for Fergie - the grrrl who has it all? Uhmm - DEPENDS?!

A cop is patrolling Lovers' Lane when he sees the strangest thing: A car pulled over in a ditch with a young couple inside, the guy in front and the girl in back. The guy is reading a magazine, and the girl appears to be knitting. The cop goes up to the car, and shines his flashlight into the guy's face. The guy rolls down the window. "Yes, officer?" the guy says innocently.
"I must ask you what you're doing," the cop says.
"Well, sir, I'm reading a magazine," the guy says.
"What about the young lady in the backseat?" asks the cop.
The guy looks into the backseat, then turns back to the cop and says, "Well, I believe she's knitting a pullover sweater."
"How old are you, boy?" asks the cop.
"I'm 25," the guy replies.
"And her?" the cop asks.
The guy looks at his watch. "Well," he says, "she'll be 18 in six minutes."

Good fortune. COMMENT!!
Please spread the meme. Don't smoke in bed . . .

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