Artist: Mr. Fish
(Click on images to enlarge)
P.O.E.T.S.! PISS ON EVER'THIN' -
T'DAY'S SATURDAY, September 10, 2ôô5
WELCOME TO OUR NEW SUBSCRIBERS - especially, ALFREDO!
He's a TATTOOED MIDGET who manages his own SALAMI FACTORY!
SPURIOUS QUOTES
Yow! I forgot my PAIL!! [Michael Brown, FEMA Director, at this writing]
I'm doin' OK. Ain't gon' leave my home an' my 13 dogs. Got electric and water on. Maybe I'll heat up some BAKED BEANS and watch REGIS PHILBIN. It's GREAT to be ALIVE!! [Willie Mae Witherspoon, in N'Awlins]
STILL KINDA FONDA WANDA!
Da Rev & Da Pagan Baby cruised on over to mellow Yellow Springs Thursday evening to join a decidedly diverse group of fans at Peach's Grill to enjoy a high-powered performance by the great FIRST LADY OF ROCK 'n' ROLL WANDA JACKSON - THE QUEEN OF ROCKABILLY - backed by one of the best Rockabilly aggregations I've ever heard - THE LUSTRE KINGS from Albany, New York. 
It's been 49 years since Da Rev swooned for the young Wanda and bought her first Rockabilly hit, "I Gotta Know". Da Rev quickly established himself as the #1 Fan of Wanda Thursday, answering most of her questions from the stage - such as, "Does anyone know what was on the other side of this single?"
Wanda's voice seemed as strong as ever - at 68 years rockin'. She delivered so many of the hits, including "Let's Have a Party" and the self-penned "Right or Wrong", her signature song.
Yow! Are we laid back yet?
Well, I'm INVISIBLE AGAIN. I might as well pay a visit to the LADIES ROOM ...
Artist: Ester
Mary Tyler Moore's SEVENTH HUSBAND is wearing my FAVORITE Zip Front Microsuede Shirt in a cheap hotel in RENO!
I've got to get these SNACK CAKES to THE DISPLACED BILOXI CASINO WORKERS by DAWN - but the armed combat veteran at the CHECKPOINT says I must be accompanied by a PARENT or GUARDIAN and that I SHOULD have had the government forms notarized in CINCINNATI!?!
Civilization is fun! Anyway, it keeps us busy!!
FOR PRESIDENT: CHRISTOPHER WALKEN
(How hard can it be?)
WELL - we HAD our tax-deductible experience! NOW we need an ENERGY crunch!!
You say you're UNDER the poverty line? And the poverty line is under 9-feet of water? Have you called Barbara Bush?
Toes, knees, NIPPLES. Toes, knees, nipples, KNUCKLES ... Nipples, dimples, knuckles, NICKLES, wrinkles, pimples!!
Artist: Sack
On the road, DUBYA is a pinhead without a purpose, but never without a POINT.
BRAIN STILL EVOLVING Chicago (LaughFish.com) - Two University of Chicago studies show that the human brain is still evolving and adapting to its environment. The researchers found that two brain building genes, microcephalin and ASPM, have undergone dramatic mutation during periods of high intellectual growth and creativity. 70% of the population possess the microcephalin gene but only 30% have the ASPM gene.
Here's a rare occurrence of a brain with no microcephalin gene and no ASPM ...
To borrow a line from Dorothy: We’re not in Kansas anymore.
Unlike the Kansas School Board, which earlier this summer approved allowing educators to teach theories in addition to evolution that explain life on Earth, the Utah Board of Education unanimously approved a position statement supporting the continued exclusive teaching of evolution in state classrooms.
Sen. Chris Buttars, R-West Jordan, had proposed to allow teaching “intelligent design” as a theory to explain the origins of life. Good for them. Buttars, however, remained defiant and vowed to soldier on. Buttars once said, regarding intelligent design:
“We get different types of dogs and different types of cats, but you have never seen a ‘dat,’ ‘’ he said.
Trent Lott's Front Porch.Com
Buy this bumper sticker & support the victims of Katrina ...
THIS JUST _____________ IN ! !
BARBARA BUSH, The Silver Ox, RELOCATED!
(LaughFish.com) The Former First Lady Was Moved to a New Location Away From Cameras & Microphones. Mrs. Bush, who in talking about Katrina refugees said that “This is working very well for them” and that many of them “were underprivileged anyway,” was transported to a facility where she will have plenty of food and water but no more media appearances, the White House confirmed.
... some congressional critics argued that it did not act quickly enough to relocate the outspoken former First Lady. “This was an emergency situation,” said Sen. Joseph Biden (D-Del). “They should have relocated her the minute she opened her piehole!”
Barbara Bush noted Astrodome hospitality Monday and said refugees are better off than before the hurricane. Republicans are showing real concern for the poor and dispossessed. It's a harmless exercise that allows them to stretch their minds.
Artist: Plante
FEMA Chief Removed Baton Rouge, La. (LaughFish.com) - Michael Brown, the director of the Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA), was removed today from overseeing the Hurricane Katrina recovery effort. The removal was due to ineffective performance and questionable credentials on his resume. Mr. Brown's resume states that he previously had emergency services oversight as assistant city manager in Edmond, Oklahoma. 
Mike Brown, Life Guard, Edmond OK, 30 years ago.
Bush tossed FEMA head Mike Brown out of the lifeboat Friday. "Heck of a job, Brownie!" apparently was a Bush secret code. Hey, at least "Brownie" has that nice, soft padded resume to fall back on.
Paul Begala: "You're not going to send (Cheney) to be comforter-in-chief. He's the type of guy who would look at them and growl, 'Life's tough. Get back to work.'"
The vice-president was not uniformly welcomed in Gulfport. During a press availability in the middle of a street, a young man twice shouted obscenities at him before walking away. (He yelled: ``Go fuck yourself, Mr. Cheney.") Cheney muttered, "I've had people killed for less ... Asshole ... big time."
President Bush attended services at the National Cathedral to pray for the victims of Hurricane Katrina. After the service Mr. Bush said, “There have been some hurtful things said about me this week. I would like everyone to know that I care about all of God’s children. I prayed for the thousands of Black victims. I prayed for the thousands of White victims. I even prayed for the thousands of Jewish victims.” When a reporter informed Mr. Bush that Louisiana has a very small Jewish population the President said, “That’s not true. Karl Rove told me that they have lots of Levies down there.”
PAT ROBERTSON NOW URGES U.S. TO COVET HUGO CHAVEZ’ WIFE
Comedian Argus Hamilton's musings on the week's events:
New Orleans began pumping street water into the Gulf of Mexico on Monday. Here comes trouble. The last time water this biologically contaminated was allowed to mix with ocean life it resulted in ten years of really bad science fiction movies.
Yup - The President can REALLY MAKE A DIFFERENCE!
Bill Clinton was mobbed by hurricane survivors in the Astrodome Monday after he showed up to hug them. They were shown on camera asking him to autograph their Bibles. Everyone wanted him to sign the page that says oral sex isn't adultery.
Chief Justice William Rehnquist died Saturday at his home in Virginia. President Bush nominated John Roberts to replace him. Now DUBYA faces three options for Sandra Day O'Connor's seat. He can please Democrats by naming a moderate, he can please Republicans by naming a conservative, or he can try to recover his political career by naming Fats Domino. 
The White House ordered active duty U.S. troops from Fort Bragg to New Orleans to help restore law and order. The troops feel right at home. Baghdad is a sister city of New Orleans. Baghdad's nickname is "The Big Uzi".
Great Britain released two million barrels of oil to the United States. What a gift. The world community may rally to support poor people made homeless by a terrible natural disaster in your country, but YOUR MOTHER knows what you really want. 
Democrats pointed out that the New Orleans disaster was forecast and described in detail in U.S. Senate hearings two months ago. Yet it still took four days for the U.S. government to summon the National Guard. No one knows what they're teaching in those Homeland Security meetings but we know it isn't intelligent design.
The U.S. Senate has approved $60-1/2 billion for states hit by Hurricane Katrina. 50 billion goes to Homeland Security and $10-1/2 billion goes to the Pentagon. Ever since Iraq, Don Rumsfeld gets a royalty on all disasters.
HERE'S SOMETHIN' REALLY,
REALLY IMPORTANT!
"Wedding Crashers" starring Owen Wilson and Vince Vaughan opened in the Middle East last Friday. It's getting rave reviews in the Arab newspapers. The Baghdad Constitution labeled it the funniest romantic comedy since "When Harry Bought Sally".
China's southern coast was slammed by Typhoon Talim last week. Six hundred thousand Chinese people were evacuated in a calm and orderly manner. However, in six thousand years of recorded history they have not produced one decent jazz album.
New York's famed Fifth Avenue Presbyterian Church has been rocked by an affair between its minister and a blonde church volunteer. It's a strict faith. Presbyterians believe that life is like a box of chocolates, and you can't have any. 
Goodnight “Little Buddy”
Gilligan Dies Waiting for FEMA
(LaughFish.com) Pacific Ocean - Gilligan passed away this week after years of waiting for FEMA (Federal Emergency Management Agency) to arrive on the isle. Mike Brown, the director of FEMA said, “There was a breakdown in communication. We were under the impression that the local island officials would have handled the situation. Besides, the headhunters were very intimidating.
President Bush mourned the passing of actor Bob Denver, calling the “Gilligan’s Island” star “a great American and a role model for me personally.”
President Bush announced he was nominating Dan Quayle to take his place and called on the United States Senate to confirm him immediately.
1991 - Macauley Culkin with Wacko Jacko . . .
(LaughFish.com) - Reclusive pop star Michael Jackson has announced that he has written a song for the victims of Hurricane Katrina. Titled, “From the Bottom of My Heart”, the single will be released within two weeks with all proceeds going directly to the victims. In a related story, Michael still likes to touch little boys' pee-pees.
Michael Jackson went sailing and house hunting in Dubai Monday with the son of the King of Bahrain. It may be his new home. He just moved out of his mansion in Santa Barbara because the neighbors were starting to figure out it was NOT a grade school.
This is the ELLA MAE MORSE memorial CORNER where Da Rev worships the late JAZZ SONGSTRESS like a GODDESS! ! d.1999, 74.
WARNING: SOME ADULT CONTENT
And a lotta sophomoric humor
PG - 34
Monica Lewinsky Accepted for Grad School:
London, England (LaughFish.com) - Monica Lewinsky has been accepted for a one-year master’s degree program at the London School of Economic and Political Science. Classes will begin the first week of October. Ms. Lewinsky’s thesis will be "The Complete Oral History of American Presidents: From Wooden Teeth to Just Plain Wood."
Yes, not only is she mostly undressed - but her weapon is suppressed.
A fireman is at the station house working outside on the fire truck when he notices a little girl next door. The little girl is in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the side.
She is wearing a fireman's hat and has the wagon tied to a dog. The fireman says "Hey little girl. What are you doing?"
The little girl says "I'm pretending to be a fireman and this is my fire truck!"
The fireman walks over to take a closer look. "Little girl that sure is a nice fire truck!" the fireman says. "Thanks mister", says the little girl. The fireman looks a little closer and notices the little girl has tied the dog to the wagon by it's testicles.
"Little girl", says the fireman, "I don't want to tell you how to run your fire truck, but if you were to tie that rope around the dog's neck I think you could go faster."
The little girl says, "You're probably right mister, but then I wouldn't have a siren!"
Artist: Marcus Gray
"Raven"
CONFUCIUS SAY ~ ~ ~
*Virginity like bubble, one prick, all gone.
*Man who walk thru airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.
*Man who scratch ass should not bite fingernails.
*Baseball is wrong: man with four balls cannot walk.
*Panties not best thing on earth but NEXT to best thing on earth.
*Crowded elevator smell different to midget.
Actress Anne Archer
Smoldering . . .
Three men die and end up in hell. The devil says to the first "Your punishment for your life of lust is to be locked in a room for 100 years, with nothing but the sexiest women and all they want to do is fuck your brains out."
Naturally the cocker runs into the room.
The devil says to the second dude, "For your life of booze and partys, you will be locked in a room for 100 years with every single type of booze ever concocted."
The drunkard runs in.
The devil says to the last guy, "For your life of herbal excess, you will be locked in a room for a hundred years with nothing but the best buds in the world."
The stoner runs into the room.
A hundred years pass. The cocker runs out of his room screaming "I'm celibate! I'm celibate! I will never touch a woman again!"
And the drunkard stumbles out of his door spewing everywhere. "I will never (hic) touch another drop of alcohol again!"
And the stoner comes bustin out of his room and says "Anyone got a light?"
BLACK-EYED PEES
What to buy for Fergie - the grrrl who has it all? Uhmm - DEPENDS?!
A cop is patrolling Lovers' Lane when he sees the strangest thing: A car pulled over in a ditch with a young couple inside, the guy in front and the girl in back. The guy is reading a magazine, and the girl appears to be knitting. The cop goes up to the car, and shines his flashlight into the guy's face. The guy rolls down the window. "Yes, officer?" the guy says innocently.
"I must ask you what you're doing," the cop says.
"Well, sir, I'm reading a magazine," the guy says.
"What about the young lady in the backseat?" asks the cop.
The guy looks into the backseat, then turns back to the cop and says, "Well, I believe she's knitting a pullover sweater."
"How old are you, boy?" asks the cop.
"I'm 25," the guy replies.
"And her?" the cop asks.
The guy looks at his watch. "Well," he says, "she'll be 18 in six minutes."
Good fortune. COMMENT!!
Please spread the meme. Don't smoke in bed . . .
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