PISS ON EVER'THIN' -
T'DAY'S SATURDAY, September, 24, 2ôô5
(Click on any image to enlarge)
"Them Weary Blues"
Artist: George Hunt
NIETZSCHE IS PEACHY! THUS FREDDIE SPAKE:
"He who fights against monsters should see to it that he does not become a monster in the process. And when you stare persistently into an abyss, the abyss also stares into you." - [Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche]
BLOGGING is my life! BLOGGING is the CHEEZWHIZ on my Nachos. BLOGGING is the PEANUT BUTTER on THE ROOF OF MY MOUTH. BLOGGING is the green fuzzy stuff on my cottage cheese.
All my life I've wanted to be SOMEBODY. But I see now I should have been MORE SPECIFIC.
Are BOTH T.V.S on??
I know you would have LOVED me in my PREVIOUS LIFE
as a COMPLETE STRANGER.
BEEP-BEEP!! I'm visualizing a '49 STUDEBAKER!!
LOOK! I think we've FOUND NEMO!
WELCOME TO AMERICA - where LIFE is a never-ending INFORMERCIAL!
WELCOME to the land of THE DONALD AND THE MARTHA as promised in TV GUIDE!
WOO-HOO! Is this sexual intercourse yet?? Is it, huh, is it??
I'm not an Iranian!! I voted for HOWARD METZENBAUM!!
HEY! Someone DROOLED on my collar!!
UNLEASH CHIANG!
Isn't this my STOP?!
"Oceania (commonly called the US and Britain) is at war with (remove: Afghanistan) Iraq. Oceania has always been at war with (remove: Afghanistan) Iraq."
STUDENTS FOR AN ORWELLIAN SOCIETY have to be pleased with the way things are going the last 4-1/2 years:
It's okay that there were no “weapons of mass destruction” in Iraq; that's not why we went to war. It's equally okay that there are so many of them in Oceania.
US Congressman Charlie Rangel has been arguing for a return of military conscription (“The Draft”) as—so he tells the public— a way of reducing war.
Flying while wearing certain buttons may not be permitted. It is, apparently, okay to wear a button saying, “Hooray for Tony Blair,” though.
A student in Washington state was disciplined and questioned by the Secret Service for drawing ungood pictures of the President.
We're pleased to learn that the government has been removing information from websites which do not agree with the current administration's policies. For example, the CDC's website no longer points out that condoms are an effective means of stopping sexually transmitted diseases.
Do not email President Bush!!
In the grandest pro-Orwellian tradition, science is (fortunately) no longer a tool for objective truth, but rather one to promote an agenda. Huzzah! 
Report Thoughtcrime * War Is Peace * Freedom Is Slavery
Ignorance Is Strength * Big Brother Is Watching You
Poem From The WRITER's ALMANAC :
excerpt from "The Old Life", by Donald Hall
There are miseries
of childhood that an old man's mind—alien
in the hour of injections
and restraints, ignorant of what
day or season it is—
will clutch to itself with angry tears.
I wanted a Mickey Mouse
watch as much as, later in life,
I wanted a job,
a prize, or a woman. It disappeared
a month after my fifth
birthday, and sixty years afterward
I grieve for it whenever
I regret something lost.
( ... Sigh ... Da Rev still misses his 1955 Metallic Green Schwinn Jaguar ...)
GOOD MORNING AMERICA WEEKEND HOST GIVES "MY APOLOGIES," - AN ON AIR RETRACTION - FOR "NO ATHEISTS IN FOXHOLES
OR HURRICANE ZONES" REMARK
Bill Weir, a host for the popular ABC network program "Good Morning America", issued an apology on the program last Sunday AM for remarks made earlier this month that stated: "There are no Atheists in Foxholes or hurricane zones."
American Atheists President Ellen Johnson had launched a phone, E-mail and letter-writing campaign encouraging members and supporters to contact Mr. Weir and the ABC network to demand a retraction. Earlier last week, the campaign was expanded when people were asked to contact Mr. George Mitchell, Chairman of the Walt Disney Company which owns ABC.
FEMA Director Michael Brown as Baghdad Bob
"There are no unfed Americans in Astrodome. Never!"
"My feelings - as usual - we will take care of them all"
"Our initial assessment is that they will all be OK"
"I blame CNN - they are marketing for the looters!"
"God will roast their stomachs in hell at the hands of MREs."
"They're coming to surrender or be tucked away in the dome."
"No I am not scared, and neither should you be!"
"Be assured. Orleans is safe, protected"
THIS JUST ______________ IN ! !
"You know, there's one big difference between George Bush and Marie Antoinette, and that is when Marie Antoinette said 'Let them eat cake,' they had cake" - [Bill Maher]
Vienna, Austria (Laugh Fish) - Holocaust survivor turned Nazi hunter Simon Wiesenthal died at the age of 96. Wiesenthal spent more than 50-years hunting Nazi war criminals. It was estimated that he was responsible for bringing some 1,100 war criminals to justice. 
COMEDIAN ARGUS HAMILTON presents the best current affairs humor of the past week:
Simon Wiesenthal never caught up with Colonel Klink - who has been doing dinner theater in Clearwater, Florida the past 25 years.
The Justice Department argued to a Texas court this week that Pope Benedict cannot be sued for covering up child molestation by priests because he is a head of state. It doesn't bother the former Cardinal Ratzinger. When Simon Wiesenthal died Tuesday the pope slept with his door unlocked for the first time in sixty years. 
President Bush took responsibility last week for bungling the Hurricane Katrina relief. Race was not a factor. If three hundred thousand Episcopalians had been stranded by the hurricane the response would have been just as slow and incompetent.
From Wonkette: 
For awhile there it looked like Hurricane Rita might have a "CRYING GAME" twist in store for Houston . . .
Hurricane Rita sent the evacuees in the Houston Astrodome packing Wednesday. Hurricane Katrina just chased them out of New Orleans. Black leaders are demanding that the next hurricane be named after Lester Maddox just so everybody knows what's going on. 
House Republicans said they might delay the Medicare prescription drug program to pay for Katrina. Great idea. The number of lives lost to the hurricane will be balanced by the number of lives saved when you take everyone off arthritis medicine.
North Korea's government promised on Monday to give up their nuclear weapons program and in return the United States government promised not to attack or invade North Korea. The agreement is shaky because everyone knows this is a regime that has a history of not telling the truth. North Korea is not terribly reliable either. 
Artist: Bill Day
President Bush spoke at the National Cathedral last Friday. He promised hurricane victims health care, housing, jobs, racial equality, cash, forty acres and a mule. It's the least he could do. The crowd went wild when he introduced his wife Laura Bird and his two daughters Jenna Bird and Barbara Bird.
Dick Cheney will have surgery in a couple of days to treat an aneurysm in an artery behind his right knee. His health is much better lately. The vice president has felt as young as a spring chicken ever since he had his Colin Powell removed in January.
HERE'S SOMETHIN' REALLY,
REALLY IMPORTANT!
WOW! HAPPY 94th BIRTHDAY TO THE "BRONZE BUCKAROO"!
EVERY THIRD COWBOY IN THE OLD WEST WAS A BLACK MAN -
but Herb Jeffries was the first and only black singing cowboy!
The tall, handsome, athletic “Bronze Buckaroo” as he is known, not only starred as Bob Blake, a fearless character, in a string of musical western films he produced and cast in the 1930s. He did all his own riding and stunts. When "Harlem on the Prairie" opened, Jeffries (variously billed as "Jefferies" and "Jeffrey") was the first in film history to portray an African-American hero.
Herb Jeffries, at 94, is the sole surviving member of the Duke Ellington Orchestra. He is still going strong with singing engagements booked in advance. Known to jazz lovers all over the world for his remarkable renditions of “Angel Eyes”, “Satin Doll” and “Flamingo”, his signature song, Herb's renditions went platinum and are still being sold after 60 years. In 2003, Frankie Laine presented the Living Legacy Legend Award to his friend and colleague. Frankie, who is only 93, received the Living Legacy Legend Award in 2000. Herb is also a psychologist and writer.
"Most people come to this world by stork. I came by Flamingo, and Duke Ellington delivered me ... My mother was Irish, my father Sicilian, and my great-grandmother was Ethiopian. I don't know what to call myself, except American ... "They put Max Factor 'Egyptian 24' on me ... " (because he had such light skin.) [Herb Jeffries]
New York, NY (Laugh Fish) - Actress Jennifer Aniston appeared on “The Oprah Winfrey Show” and announced that she is over Brad and is moving on with her life. Said Jennifer, “I’m even thinking about dating again.” When Tom Cruise heard the news he said, “Man! I could be pretending to date Jennifer Aniston instead of pretending to date Katie Holmes.”
More from ARGUS HAMILTON:
China Daily reported that a company in China has named a condom after Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky. It's a free political advertisement. The #1 thing the Democrats have going for them is that it's no fun being a Republican.
The Centers for Disease Control (CDC) said more women are having same-sex encounters. It's eleven percent compared to four percent ten years ago. That's because a decade ago the Iraq war had been over for years and the troops were home.
The Pledge of Allegiance was outlawed over a judicial interpretation of the separation of religion and government. Other legal minds believe the Founders meant to ban a national church. The idea, they say, was to allow each state to establish its very own religion. Under such a plan, Californians today would be swearing in court to tell the truth. "So help me, Self."
Delta Airlines filed for Chapter Eleven protection Tuesday. It won't change their hospitality. Toward the end of every flight the pilot announces that he realizes you have a choice of bankrupt airlines and he thanks you for choosing Delta.
President Bush said he wants emergency authority to call in the U.S. Army and rule a disaster zone by martial law. That wouldn't work in New Orleans. The only rule in New Orleans is, never try to pick up a woman wearing a Super Bowl ring.
WARNING!
PG - 34
Roq LaRue Gallery
Roq LaRue Gallery
One night, Pinnochio's girlfriend says to him, "This stinks. Every time we make love I get splinters."
So Pinnochio goes to Gepetto to ask his advice. Gepetto says, "Sandpaper, my boy, that's all you need."
A few days later Gepetto runs into Pinnochio and says, "So how are you doing with the girls now?"
Pinnochio says, "Who needs girls?"
They just don't come any cuter ...
WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?"
HUSBAND: "Definitely not!"
WIFE: "Why not - don't you like being married?"
HUSBAND: "Of course I do."
WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry?"
HUSBAND: "Okay, I'd get married again."
WIFE: "You would? (with a hurtful look on her face)."
HUSBAND: (makes audible groan).
WIFE: "Would you sleep with her in our bed?"
HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep?"
WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?"
HUSBAND: "That would seem like the proper thing to do."
WIFE: "Would you play golf with her?"
HUSBAND: "I guess so."
WIFE: "Would she use my golf clubs?"
HUSBAND: "No, she's left-handed."
WIFE: - - - silence - - -
HUSBAND: "Oh, Shit" 
Actress Janine Turner
This guy's at work when he receives a call from the hospital informing him that his wife's been in an accident. He rushes to the emergency room where he's met by the doctor. They sit down in the waiting room and the doctor, with a very solemn look on his face starts to speak. But before he can, the guy interrupts.
Guy: "Doc, don't tell me my wife's dead. I just can't take it. Really, I can't take it. I love her."
Doctor: "Well, sir, I do have some bad news."
Again the guy interrupts.
Guy: "Doc, just tell me, did she make it?"
Doctor: "As I was saying, we did all we could. Right now she's in a vegatative state, which is likely where she'll remain for the rest of her life. She can stay here overnight, but after that, you'll have to take her home because your insurance doesn't cover this type of thing."
The guy slumps, just crushed.
Doctor: "With the right care, which will include you feeding her five times a day, cleaning her and giving her constant care on a daily basis, she'll likely live for at least another 30 years."
The guy sinks even lower, just crushed, and starts to cry.
Doctor: "As I said, your insurance doesn't cover this kind of care, so you'll have to make some sort of arrangements to purchase the equipment you'll need for your wife. I would suggest you put your house on the market today and sell it as quickly as possible and buy a mobile home. You're gonna need the excess cash. It should be enough to buy the equipment your wife needs and for you to live on for the next couple of months. By then, you should be able to qualify for welfare and other forms of state and federal aid."
By this point, the guy is sobbing uncontrollably.
The doctor reaches over, puts his hand on his shoulder and says, "Hey, look at me." The guy looks up and the doctor smiles and says, "I'm just fucking with you, she's dead!" 
Jim decided to propose to Sandy, but prior to her acceptance Sandy had to confess to her man about her childhood illness. She informed Jim that she suffered a disease that left her breasts at maturity of a 12 year old. He stated that it was OK because he loved her soooo much. However, Jim felt this was also the time for him to open up and admit that he also had a deformity too. Jim looked Sandy in the eyes and said, "I too have a problem. My penis is the same size as an infant and I hope you can deal with that once we are married."
She said, "Yes I will marry you and learn to live with your infant size penis."
Sandy and Jim got married and they could not wait for the Honeymoon. Jim whisked Sandy off to their hotel suite and they started touching, teasing, holding one another... As Sandy put her hands in Jim's pants she began to scream and ran out of the room! Jim ran after her to find out what was wrong.
"You told me you penis was the size of an INFANT!", she said.
"Yes it is..... 8 pounds, 7 ounces, 19 inches long!!" 
Today was over cast - but we put the top down on this glistening 1948 Plymouth Coupe Convertible when we pulled out of The Last Chance Garage ... 
Good fortune. COMMENT!!
Please spread the meme. Don't smoke in bed ...
