MINISTER OF RANTS

AMERICANS ARE DRIVIN' TO THE POORHOUSE - IN AN AUTO THEY DIDN'T MAKE...

RUSTBELT RECAPITULATION

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The imminent demise of Delphi is splashed prominently on the front page of the Dayton Daily News. The original equipment auto parts business was spun off from General Motors 6 years ago. We're just getting used to saying "Delphi" after so many years of good jobs at DELCO, which was synonomous with Dayton, where "Boss" Kettering and some fellow tinkerers developed the self-starter which was first installed on  the 1912 Cadillac, replacing the hated exterior hand-crank.

DELCO became Delphi and is about to go the way of Frigidaire, the household appliance manufacturer whose first innovative product, the "iceless icebox", or refrigerator, became the standard for every competitor's product - to the point that there was a "frigidaire" in every American home, regardless of the brand stamped on the door. Frigidaire is still a brand in a stable of historical trademarks all turned out by a single manufacturer. "Genuine DELCO Parts" will still be ubiquitous across the landscape - but they won't be turned out in Dayton factories.

THE ORACLE OF DELPHI - By Daniel Gross
Steve Miller's vision of the post-bourgeois workforce.
Oct. 11, 2005
On Saturday, Delphi, the giant auto-parts company, filed for bankruptcy, kicking off what is sure to be one of the great cram-downs in American history. In a series of interviews
with the New York Times, the Wall Street Journal, and the Financial Times, Delphi CEO Steve Miller offered unionized workers a choice: They can accept pay cuts of about two-thirds or face the termination of their pension plan, which is underfunded by several billion dollars...

As he told the Financial Times, "Delphi is simply a flashpoint, a test case, for all the economic and social trends that are on a collision course in our country and around the globe."

When he ruminates on the dialectics of global capitalism, Miller calls to mind a famous, simplistic big thinker with prominent facial hair ...Karl Marx... the effort he's been engaged in at companies in the steel and auto industries—is the re-proletarianization of industrial work.

Transforming masses of unskilled, insecure industrial workers into middle-class stakeholders was a key achievement of the U.S. economy in the 20^th century... Through the New Deal and the Cold War, the grand bargain between government, industry, and labor held fast. With pensions and paid vacations, factory work became a ticket to the middle class, providing home-ownership and comfort, job and retirement security, health care, and leisure...

There's plenty of blame to go around: clueless managers, atavistic unions, and indifferent politicians. Broadly speaking, the United States has collectively decided that certain industries, like electronics, are not worth keeping. Other industries, like meatpacking and chicken-processing, are worth keeping, but only if they're staffed by a new proletariat—immigrants who labor for low hourly wages and without benefits or union representation. And now we're being told that other industries like steel, coal, textiles, and auto parts can survive only to the extent that middle-class stakeholders choose to become insecure industrial workers... Read the whole story: Slate - moneybox

Will the General Motors and Ford trademarks be stamped on vehicles that come from other countries? (They are, already.) Or will the jobs stay in America paying wages only the immigrant underclass will accept? As the writer explains, the meatpacking industry has replaced unionized, middle-class workers with mostly immigrant help at subsistence wages and no benefits. In Dayton, as a 20-something, I tried my hand at factory work at DELCO and NCR, switching to working in a unionized meat packing house for comparable wages and good benefits. I can't get it out of my head that we have lost much of what we valued in American life - especially when I go open my knock-off Frigidaire and pull out a package of Morrell hotdogs (formerly of Cincinnati) or Dinner Bell bologna (formerly of Troy, Ohio).
Artist: Thompson

 
From PHILLYBITS - Drats! Fristed Again!

Via WaPo: "Outside the blind trusts he created to avoid a conflict of interest, Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist earned tens of thousands of dollars from stock in a family-founded hospital chain largely controlled by his brother, documents show. The Tennessee Republican, whose sale this summer of Hospital Corporation of America Inc. stock is under federal investigation, has long said he could own HCA shares and vote on health care legislation without a conflict because he had placed the stock in blind trusts approved by the Senate." This guy just reeks of a man who's trying to have his cake and eat it too.

WHY THE U.S. MUST LEAVE IRAQ - By Michael Scherer

  Salon: Sen. Russ Feingold says it's time to admit the war was a disaster -- and accuses his fellow Democrats of going along with Bush out of fear:

If we don't leave, our not leaving is a big part of the political instability. So it's an absurdity to talk in terms of, "How can we leave before it is stable?" In fact, the presence of this huge American, and other [countries'], occupation of this country is what is destabilizing the country even more. It's a completely illogical conversation for people to talk in terms of what is already, many believe, almost a civil war, if not already a civil war. What we need to do is recognize that Iraqis are going to have to stand on their own. When I suggest that we withdraw the ground forces in a reasonable manner, this does not mean that we do not continue reconstruction, it does not mean that we do not continue to help the government, it does not mean that we do not have a very strong partnership with the Iraqi government and the Iraqi people on non-military issues as well as military issues.

ELEMENTARY SCHOOL MATH (from PHILLYBITS)

GIVEN: 1. About 20,000 GIs have been wounded and killed in the War on Iraq.
2. The U.S. military says there are about 20,000 insurgents in Iraq.
3. There are some 150,000 GIs in Iraq.
4. Assume that the GIs are about as effective  as the insurgents.

Q: How many Iraqis have been wounded and killed by GIs?

WHAT'S THE POOP ON DUBYA'S "SCATOLOGY" REFERENCE?

From Wonkette: WonkCentral has been inundated with e-mails asking what the hell this can mean. Is she going to be hurling feces at Ted Kennedy during her confirmation hearing? Because if she's going to be hurling feces at Ted Kennedy during her confirmation hearing, we happy, we few of the blogosphere might just have to rethink this whole milquetoast-toadying-nonentity-what-the-fuck nomination trope...

Another theory: We all know Dubya suffers from what can charitably be described as a severe case of verbal dyslexia. We also know that spelling mistakes were really more of Dad's running-mate's bag. But what if the president -- back in his sluicier gubernatorial days -- simply left out the "e" and the "h" in this post script, in a mad pursuit of making what would soon prove to be a more characteristic observation?

Main Entry: es·cha·tol·o·gy Pronunciation: "es-k&-'tä-l&-jE Function: noun Inflected Form(s): plural -gies Etymology: Greek eschatos last, farthest 1 : a branch of theology concerned with the final events in the history of the world or of mankind 2 : a belief concerning death, the end of the world, or the ultimate destiny of mankind; specifically : any of various Christian doctrines concerning the Second Coming, the resurrection of the dead, or the Last Judgment.

The mouth froths, the poor girl's head starts spinning around during Anti-Defamation League award acceptance dinners. Next thing you know, out comes:

"And behold there was a great hurricane, and the robes became as black as sackcloth, and the Base became as blood. And the Lowrys boiled, and the Zogby fell. Judgment Day." --MICHAEL WEISS

GEORGE W. BUSH AND ISRAEL

In an effort to overcome the continuing criticism that he is unsupportive, and in fact, dismissive of Israel, one of America's closest allies, today President Bush announced that he is converting to Judaism in the hope that this will demonstrate his affinity and empathy with the Israeli people. Authorities have been unable to handle the millions of applicants who volunteered to be the moyel...

QUOTE / UNQUOTE
AN EVOLUTION OF LIES by Harold M. Clemens in Black Commentator

So why, I emphatically posit again, haven’t I ever seen one stinkin’ illustration of evolution that got it right?! Why have I never seen a brown personage at the end of the line of more and more erect-standing creatures?... (W)hy the funk is the fellow at the end of the evolutionary gamut not black, if the first humans on Earth were darkies?

Good fortune. COMMENT!! Spread the meme. Don't smoke in bed...

 

WELL HOWDY, REV'LERS! ________ P.O.E.T.S. 100805!

Country Home Harvest

P.O.E.T.S.! PISS ON EVER'THIN' -
T'DAY'S SATURDAY, October 8, 2ôô5!
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South African Anglican *Bishop Desmond Tutu* is 74 this weekend. It was
Desmond Tutu who said:

"When the missionaries came to Africa, they had the Bible and we had the land. They said, 'Let us pray.' We closed our eyes. When we opened them, we had the Bible and they had the land."

It's the birthday of the cellist *Yo-Yo Ma*, born in Paris October 7, 1955. He made his debut at Carnegie Hall at the age of nine. We've seen him in concert. We have a CD in which he and Stephan Grappelli play traditional jazz tunes, including four timeless Cole Porter songs.

CELEBRATE COLUMBUS'S DISCOVERY OF THE NEW WORLD MONDAY!

WELCOME FROM METRO FAIRBORN, OHIO -
the Korean Restaurant Capital of the American Midwest!

What's another word for "thesaurus"?

Is this an out-take from the ``BRADY BUNCH''?

ALFRED JARRY!  Say something about th' DEATH of DISCO!!

Uh - hold the fries. Can I have an IMPULSE ITEM instead?

It's HARD WORK being an ARTIST!!

..  ich bin in einem dusenjet ins jahr 53 vor chr...ich lande im antiken
Rom...einige gladiatoren spielen scrabble...ich rieche PIZZA...

...  bleakness ... desolation ... plastic forks ...

There is NO SMOKING in our HOME and MUSEUM OF KITSCH & WHIMSEY. We have some friends who carry things a little far, though. They not only don't permit smoking, they prohibit the drinking of alcoholic beverages in their home, and in their living room they EVEN have a DECAFFEINATED coffee table!

We had skylights put in three rooms of our home. The people who live on the second floor are NOT pleased.

My Aunt Flotilla was in EXCRUCIATING PAIN until SHE started sending THOUSANDS of dollar$ to Benny Hinn. I'm skeptical, I think. If Benny is a healer, why hasn't he done something to help his HAIR?!




With YOU, I can be MYSELF...  We don't NEED Dan Rather...

I'll just have a couple glasses of H - and a glass of O on the side,
please ...

I think Jimmy Dean may be losin' it. He's about 80 - and I keep finding
tiny apocalyptic religious tracts with REALLY SMALL PRINT encased in the lining of his pure pork sausages!!

I got an e-mail from one o' those WING-NUTS who disagrees with
everything I say or do. He asked me, "If you could know HOW and WHEN you were going to DIE, would you want to know?"
I replied, "No."
He just sent me another message today and said, "OK, FORGET IT!"

Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?

Ohio celebrated the one-hundredth anniversary of Wilbur and Orville Wright's first extended flight at Huffman Prairie (near Metro Fairborn) in Ohio Monday. The first men to fly were from Ohio, the first man to orbit the Earth was from Ohio and the first man on the moon was from Ohio. It appears that guys will do anything to get out of Ohio.

THIS JUST _____________ IN ! !

Wonkette reported: Wednesday on "Hardball," *Howard Dean*, the demonstrative DNC chair, responded to Chris Matthews's question about the Republicans' reluctance
to let the Senate review Harriet Miers's White House counsel papers:

    MATTHEWS: Do you believe that the president can claim executive
    privilege?

    DEAN: Well, certainly the president can claim executive privilege.
    But in the this case, I think with a lifetime appointment to the
    Supreme Court, you can't play, you know, hide the salami, or
    whatever it's called.

Whatever it's called indeed. We feel it's high time someone played "hide the salami" with Harriet, but we don't think it should be Bush.

SEPARATED AT BIRTH?!?
Harriet & Tommy?

Actually, Harriet Miers may be unqualified for the High Court because she is single and may never have engaged in sex. "So what?" you ask. Well - for one thing she's on the record as favoring equal rights for gay people - but she's also on the record against ass-fucking.

Comedian Argus Hamilton presents the best humorous takes on current affairs:
Ohio Senator Mike DeWine said Wednesday he is impressed by Harriet Miers. He said she told him she's gone out late at night to get someone out of jail. What else can you do when the governor of Texas is picked up for bicycling while intoxicated?

President Bush issued pardons last week for a bootlegger and a cocaine dealer and an LSD supplier and a pot smuggler and a Quaalude maker. He refused to answer questions about it. How he keeps his fraternity brothers quiet is nobody's business.

The Department of Energy urged Americans Wednesday to change the light bulbs in their homes to a lower wattage to save money. It's questionable. American put a dimmer bulb in the White House five years ago and you can see the deficit from Mars.

Tony Blair reversed himself Friday and agreed the Kyoto Treaty is unworkable because it reduces jobs in industrial countries. That would be us. America is a nation that wants to reduce greenhouse gases, but not at the cost of saving lives.

Los Angeles wildfires caused the worst smog in thirty years. It was smoggy back then. When people discuss Los Angeles in the Seventies, they always talk about the alcohol and drugs and casual sex but they never mention the bad part.

Artist: Doug Marlette
Connecticut Episcopalians split over the issue of gay marriage and one wing asked to switch to another archdiocese. It's an impasse. Conservative Anglicans cannot tolerate a church doctrine that hates the sin but loves the shoes.

The U.S. Mint unveiled a new nickel featuring Thomas Jefferson with a smiling face. It's nice. He has the joyful look of a man who just purchased Louisiana for only six million dollars and he hasn't found out yet that it is below sea level.

The U.S. Army said Monday it fell eight percent short of its recruiting goals last year. It's inevitable. Republicans are just starting to realize U.S. troops are stretched too thin to fight a two-front war against both terrorism and science.

President Bush gave Saudi Arabia another six months to stop abusing religious minorities or face the consequences. The president needs to tread lightly now. If we liberate Saudi Arabia we're going to have to run our cars on coal!

Tom DeLay's tough childhood in Texas was detailed in Newsweek. He said when he was twelve his dad caught him smoking behind the barn and made him smoke an entire carton of cigarettes. It's a shame he didn't catch him with a girl.

New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin urged the city's population to come home right away. He means now. If they don't, a million Mexican drywall contractors will rebuild New Orleans by a week from Friday and Bourbon Street will be one big Mariachi band.

HERE'S SOMETHIN' REALLY,
REALLY IMPORTANT!

*Hollywood (Laugh Fish ) -* This is not Mission: Difficult, Mr.
Cruise.  This is Mission: Impossible.  We're speaking of course of Mr.
Cruise's ability to sire a child.  After two previous childless marriages (he has two adopted children with Australian actress Nicole Kidman) a spokesman for Katie Holmes (27) and Tom Cruise (43) says she is three months pregnant with his child.  Said Mr. Cruise, "I have a new film coming out, so I really had to get it up."

Tom Cruise rushed to the microphone Wednesday to announce that he and his fiancee Katie Holmes are having a baby. His friends in Los Angeles have noticed that his obsession with her is taking over his life. He's starting to lose interest in his car.

Mississippi passed a law letting casinos rebuild on dry land. You couldn't beat the atmosphere on the water. Every ten minutes you would hear a loud scream and a splash and it would remind you not to count cards at the blackjack table.

"Commander-in-Chief" starring Geena Davis is an ABC hit at 9 PM Tuesdays. She plays the first U.S. president with breasts instead of testicles. It would have been Arnold Schwarzenegger but he quit using steroids and the Constitution wouldn't let him run.

WARNING!
PG - 34!
Artist: Marcus Gray

 A couple walks into a sex doctor, and he says "you got a fucking problem?"

PORN MOVIES WE'D LIKE T' SEE:

Add Momma To The Train
Big Trouble In Little Vagina
Clitty Clitty Bang Bang
Crocodile Done Me
Forrest Hump
Forever Hung
Intercourse With The Vampire
Jurassic Poke
Lawrence Of A Labia
My Big Lebowski
My Big Fat Greek Woody
On Golden Blonde
Riding Miss Daisy
Romancing The Bone
Saturday Night Beaver
The Little Sperm-Aid
Three Men And A Barbie
Weapons of ass destruction
Willie Wanker Up the Chocolate Factory


ACTRESS ANITA EKBERG -
A Beautiful, Voluptuous Woman...

A beautiful, voluptuous woman goes to a gynecologist. The doctor takes one look at this woman and all his professionalism goes out the window. Right away he tells her to undress. After she has disrobed he begins to stroke her thigh. As he does this he says to the woman, "Do you know what I'm doing?"
"Yes," she says, "you're checking for any abrasions or dermatological abnormalities."
"That's right," says the doctor. He then begins to fondle her breasts. "Do you know what I'm doing now?" he asks.
"Yes," the woman says, "you're checking for any lumps of breast cancer."
"That's right," replies the doctor. He then begins to have sexual intercourse with the woman.
He says to her, "Do you know what I'm doing now?"
"Yes," she says. "You're contractin' herpes."

A man sitting next to a beautiful blonde on a plane looked over to see her seemingly in shock from the headline in the newspaper she was holding, which read:
"12 Brazilian Soldiers Killed in Riots."
She turned toward him and with trembling voice asked, "How many is a brazilian?"

Da Rev hopes EVERYTHING SNAPS back into shape for Britney after her recent birthing experience.

This is a story about a popular young Baptist Preacher who on Sunday morning announces to the congregation that he will not renew his contract and is moving on to a larger congregation that will pay him more.There is a hush. No one wants him to leave. Bubba, who owns several car dealerships, stands up and announces, "If the preacher stays, I'll provide him with a new sedan every year and his lovely wife with a minivan, to transport their children!"
The congregation sighs, and applauds. Billy Bob, the entrepreneur and investor, stands and says, "If the preacher stays, I'll double his salary, and establish a foundation to guarantee the college education of his children!!"
More sighs and applause. Ms. Ella May,age 70 stands and announces, "If the preacher stays, I'll give him SEX!!" There is a hush.
The preacher, blushing asks, "Ms. Ella May, whatever possessed you to say that?"
Ms. Ella May answers, "I just asked my husband how we could help, and he said....FUCK him!"

COME, LET'S STROLL - RIGHT ACROSS THE ROAD TO THE LAST CHANCE GARAGE...          

Check it out - a REAL creampuff - a 1955 PINK 'n' CREAM DODGE Hardtop ...

Good fortune. COMMENT!!
Please spread the meme. Don't smoke in bed, Ol' Sleepy Head!

(Scroll down for "Doing Stand-up in Front of House Cats")

Doing Stand-up in Front of House Cats

A year ago in April I realized my life-long ambition to be a retired eccentric. I have prepared extensively for these days when the only commitments to be met are self-imposed, sometimes only after lengthy negotiation with myself and/or procrastination. I spend many hours reading, writing and surfing the internet. I am Master of my Domain-Name, “Minister of Rants”, from whence I blog. (That’s it?)

And I do stand-up in front of the cats. Who are these cats, you ask? They, along with my long-suffering wife of 44 years, Rosalee, are the women in my life.

Sylvia is a mostly black kitty with white tuxedo front and paws. Her white whiskers and eyebrows create a strikingly beautiful contrast with her black velvet face. Always well-mannered, Sylvia has a highly developed system of communication that runs from “Meow” to “No”. Sylvia is 14 and looks half her age. Our kitties don't DO "cat-years"!

Sylvia concedes little to age. She recently caught and killed a mouse, the second in her life. We’re pretty sure Carmen, who is more the “fraidy-cat” is the enthusiastic spectator during Sylvia’s great adventures.

 Carmen is Siamese, if you please, with lavender points and expressive blue eyes. Rosalee and I agreed to be adopted by her at the Society for the Improvement of Conditions for Stray Animals (SICSA) in

Kettering, as we did with Sylvia. Carmen had been dropped off unceremoniously from the window of a car, they told us, as is the case with so many dogs and cats, at the age of 5 weeks.

 5 WEEKS! We guess that may be why she doesn’t make that “Siamese sound”, which is an unmistakable long shriek. She probably wasn’t around her mom long enough to learn it. I think that’s a good thing.

She doesn’t really meow, either. I wasn’t sure how to characterize the usual vocalizations of Carmen until one day during the U.S. “monkey pox” outbreak of a year or two ago I saw a special program demonstrating how the virus is passed on to humans by infected prairie dogs. The cute and apparently lovable rodents had become popular as household pets. The prairie dogs were “barking” - -"Hoonh, Hoonh!"

That's it! Carmen barks like a prairie dog, usually when she’s hungry or when she is begging Daddy for a belly rub. Carmen is 11, but acts like a spoiled baby kitten. Daddy wouldn’t have it any other way.

SYLVIA
Several years ago, Rosalee and I entered Sylvia and Carmen in a cat show. Show cats, as a rule, are accompanied by adopted humans who wait on them like little royals. The thoroughbreds display uniform disdain for the entire spectacle, in particular, all the mere humans who turn out to view them. This particular group of savvy feline fanciers tacked on a separate exhibit of mostly unknown or mixed breed house cats, who, unlike their uppity thoroughbred counterparts, seemed mostly contented.

The house cat competition suffered from some unfortunate publicity that year. The winner was disqualified. It was revealed he wasn’t a house cat. He turned out to be a squirrel with a makeover. Our girls were not amused.
CARMEN
Communication with cats is either daunting or emotionally rewarding based on whether one anthropomorphizes them or logically maintains an arm’s (or paw’s) length with non-humans. We know that interactions between domesticated felines and humans are mostly instinctual, at least on the part of the cats. When we speak the cats sometimes seem to listen, though. It’s not difficult to project an emotional response onto a cat that is purring or soliciting a cuddle or letting one know it’s meal time. 

Nevertheless, I realize that most of what I hopefully infer as dialogue with Sylvia and Carmen is probably analogous to creating empty dialogue balloons over my head as I shuffle around the shack talking to the cats. (Sylvia, he’s making his noises again.)

“Hello, Girls!”

“Daddy’s home.”

“Sylvia, Carmen, Come see Daddy.”

“Kitty, Kitty, Kitty!”

Sylvia: “?”

Carmen: “Food?”

Well, it IS all about them, isn’t it? No matter how emotionally needy some adopted humans may be, we must respect the wishes of the cats, inscrutable though they may seem at times. And no matter the season of the year or cause for disruption to usual family routine, the cats will sleep 20 hours each day, thank you very much.

ART & ROSALEE

TELEMARKETERS NEED TO GET A LIFE - AND A REAL JOB!!

A stupid man's report of what a clever man says is never accurate because he unconsciously translates what he hears into something he can understand.   

[Bertrand Russell ]

A tip of the tight-fitting, brain-cramping Deerstalker Cap to YOU, Gentle Readers

See the "MAN WITH A PIPE", the photo atop the page of a red-headed stepchild in a deer stalker with a pipe? That's me, rev. Art. This is exactly the persona I am trying to project - strange . . .

“I want to find the secret of the universe and put it on a T-shirt. ($9.99 + tax + handling)”

Da Rev solicits your comments, suggestions, bitchin' and moanin'.

Yup, this blog is here to discuss RELIGION & POLITICS (& more) without fear or equivocation, but with an avowed purpose to improve the landscape, to increase the opportunities for rational discourse and to expose religious and/or political extremists and to debunk their rumors of wars and going to HELL in a handbasket.

If we can talk religion & politics without fighting, maybe others will get the same idea. Spread the meme, please. I’m not as clever as the fundies when it comes to getting the word out.

Even Aquinas said, “Beware the man of one book.”

I'VE FINALLY BECOME WHAT I ALWAYS WANTED TO BE -
I'M A RETIRED ECCENTRIC!

One of my final jobs in the global marketplace was telemarketing ... {{{ cringe }}} ...
I was NOT displaced by the "Do Not Call" list - I had sense enough to quit. WHAT A PHONY, DEMEANING WAY TO PULL DOWN A PAYCHECK! The "Call Center" is the most oppressive, inhuman, mind-numbing, uncomfortable workplace outside of, maybe, a foundry - and foundry workers make a lot more money!

Remember the soulless telemarketing lobbyists' disgusting, heart-tugging counter argument: Millions of people will lose their jobs!

Counter-counter argument: Muggers have jobs, too. That doesn’t mean they deserve to keep them.

For what it’s worth, a couple years ago, even Congress gets it right twice a year or so. They gave the FTC the authority to implement the "Do Not Call" list.

“We are confident this ruling will be overturned and the nearly 50 million Americans who have signed up for the do not call list will remain free from unwanted telemarketing calls in the privacy of their own homes,” Reps. Billy Toejam (R-La.) and John Dingellberry (D-Mich.) said in a statement.

I'm on the "Do not call list" here in my home studio/office. It has worked well, except for the occasional anti-social and/or desperate sub-cretin who has so few marketable skills that he or she ends up in a "call center" or cube farm. Sitting at a cramped computer desk wearing a headset, the employee is under a lot of pressure - to make a minimum number of calls and to secure positive responses from a certain percentage of actual people. I've been on both sides of this midway. As I said, these days I'm a respondent - or not, according to how I feel about a call. I find that with fewer calls I tend to try to make the most of the ones who slip through. I'm what's known in the telemarketing industry as a "smart ass" - or worse.

Caller: “How are YOU today?”

Rev. Art: (Who the f*ck wants to know? And why do you give a f*ck?)

“How are YOU today?”
(Bummer,

Man.

Like, I’m on “home incarceration”. Would you bring me some beer? HELLO? YOU STILL THERE?!)

“How are YOU today?”
(HEY!! ARE YOU THE !^@#%$ RATSLELFRACAS *$&# MAMMYJAMMER WHO’S BEEN BOINKIN' MY OL' LADY?!?)

“How are YOU today?”
(I’m OK. Who’s this?)
“My name is Trampalene, and I’m calling to ...
(”GET OUT! TRAMPALENE! WOW, I NEVER EXPECTED A CALL FROM YOU AFTER ALL THIS TIME. WHAT’S IT BEEN - - FOUR YEARS?

*Switch to smooth, husky delivery* (Hey, Baby, it’s about time we hooked up again.)
“I don’t know you.” Or, “Do I know you?”

Proceed to sketch the one-night stand scenario jumping quickly to grapic descriptions of sexual positions.
( Oh, Trampalene you are without a doubt the finest piece of . . .)

Yeah, it wastes as much time as the spiel would have consumed, but it’s so much more fun. And, who knows - you may convince Ol' Trampalene that she should sample a slice of the ol' direct marketer salami again!  ... click! ...

The Appointment Setters

Everyone who lives in a brick home (or, better yet, a brick rental unit) has had some dipwad call to say,

“We’re offering 50% off on aluminum siding installation on your street, because we have several other jobs at this time. This offer is good only while we are working in your neighborhood.”
(Oh? Who are these idiots, anyway? Our whole plat has nothing but brick homes (or is an apartment complex! Give me the names of these imbeciles - - let me write them down - - I think they’re ready for another kind of home!)

Da Rev loves it when storm window salespeople call. I listen politely for a while, then break in with

"Excuse me. I hate to interrupt, but I really should tell you that we live in an underground home - we don’t HAVE windows!
The usual reply is credulous: “Oh, really? You know I’ve read about those, but I’ve never known anyone who ...”
(Yeah, we save a

LOT

of energy. And you should have saved YOUR energy, too!") ... click! ...

(Click image to enlarge)

Good fortune. Please spread the meme. COMMENT!! Don't smoke in bed ...

THE ONLY OPENLY ATHEIST GOVERNOR IN U.S. HISTORY!

CULBERT LEVY OLSON

Culbert Levy Olson (November 7, 1876 - April 13, 1962) was only openly atheist governor in American history was California's Culbert Levy Olson (1938-1942).

WIKIPEDIA He was born in Fillmore (Millard County), Utah. (His) mother Delilah was a suffragette and became the first female elected official in Utah. Both parents belonged to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. However Culbert was not convinced of the existence of God and became an atheist at an early age.

He served as the Governor of California from January 2, 1939 until January 4, 1943, and was the only Democrat elected to that office between 1898 and 1954. In his 1942 bid for re-election he was defeated by state Attorney General Earl Warren.

He later became president of the United Secularists of America.

"If you want to know what Hell is like, just be Governor." – [Olson speaking to his successor, Earl Warren]

Artist: Crowe
NOT WILD ABOUT HARRIET

President Bush says of his crony-SCOTUS nominee, Harriet Miers:

"... She's 'sunshine-bright' ... she was a pioneer in Texas!"

SHIT-DAMN! DUBYA's gone and appointed a fee-male Davy Crockett to the Hah Coat!

This is why I always check WONKETTE:

(Bush nominee for SCOTUS, Harriet Miers) -

is immensely, perhaps irrationally, into birthdays: "She always remembers everybody's birthday, and has a present for them. She'll be finding a present for somebody in the middle of the night.... 'Can't it wait until next week?' 'No,' she'd say, 'It has to be done now.'"

• She has dated Texas Supreme Court Justice Nathan Hecht "over the years." [NOTE: Absolutely no other article online mentions this fascinating fact.]

• She's a nit-picky micromanager who failed upwards at the White House: "She failed in Card's office for two reasons," the [former White House] official says. "First, because she can't make a decision, and second, because she can't delegate, she can't let anything go. And having failed for those two reasons, they move her to be the counsel for the president, which requires exactly those two talents."

• Not even the president can think of much interesting to say about her: In 1996, at an Anti-Defamation League Jurisprudence Award ceremony, Bush introduced Miers as a "pit bull in Size 6 shoes," a tag line that has persisted through the years, in part because colorful anecdotes or descriptions about Miers are notoriously difficult to find.

We're not even that excited about the possibility of her being gay.

***Miers's Shameful Secret***

Since Harriet Miers is a 60-year-old lifelong bachelorette, it should come as no surprise that she swings both ways. We just didn't expect proof of it to come so soon: She gave 1000 campaign buck$ to Al Gore's Prez committee in 1988; and she gave 1000 campaign Buck$ to the BUSH Campaign in 2000.

Well, everyone experiments.~~~

Artist: Sack

Tim Grieve @ SALON War Room writes:

" ... a woman named Lorlee Bartos ran Miers' first and only political campaign back in 1989, and she tells the Dalls Morning News ... 'She is on the extreme end of the anti-choice movement ... '

She gave $150 to an anti-abortion group in 1989. And as the leader of the Texas State Bar in 1993, she tried to persuade the American Bar Association to take a neutral, rather than pro-choice, position on abortion rights. Bartos tells the Morning News that Miers supported abortion rights as a young woman but then had a 'a born-again, profound experience' that caused her to change her mind..."

(The thing that may be MOST TELLING about Harriet: she was a Dem who switched to the Repugs in the '90s. You know Da Rev sez Dems usually switch parties for 3 reasons - their tax bracket has increased; they're racists or bigots; and/or they oppose abortion and/or gay rights.)
Also @ Salon, we found this:

With a tip of our Kevlar helmet to Crooks and Liars, we can report that the Army National Guard is encouraging Americans who visit its Web site to turn over their contact information to recruiters by offering them three iTunes downloads in exchange. "Listen up," the come-on says. "Tune in to what the Army National Guard has to offer."

IRAQ VET PAUL HACKETT TO CHALLENGE DEWINE FOR U.S. SENATE

I find his ability to speak intelligently, though unscripted, about a wide range of issues to be impressive. And he admits it when he doesn't have an answer. Iraq? He's been there and commanded troops. He scares the sploot outta the Bushies, especially Rummy, 'cuz he can rattle off details about lack of strategy, inadequate preparation, too few ready troops, and scarcity of necessary materiel.

I find it unfortunate that Paul is running against Mike DeWine, who has been a hard-working, dedicated Senator. He's moderate to conservative on the range of issues, which is saying a lot in Ohio these days. DeWine has always been wrong on carrying the Drug War to Colombia with US forces and he's weak in support of the 2nd Amendment. I expect Hackett to be an improvement on both of those counts.

Given the winds of anger swirling through the electorate, particularly in Repblican-controlled Ohio, I think Hackett has an excellent chance of beating DeWine. Let's get busy for The Colonel!
RAISING SUPERBOY

A baby boy was born on Monday to squirrely actor Nicholas Cage and his wife Alice Kim. The lucky kid was named Kal-el Coppola Cage.  "Kal-el?" you ask. Does it mean something special or significant, or is it just further proof that somebody's fillin' the water bottles in Beverly Hills with Goofy Juice? Kal-el is Superman's birth name.

To my nut-fundie friend, whose e-mails to Da Rev border on harrassment:
You remind me of one of my favorite entertainers, Cher. The 60-ish diva hits the stage in a revealing costume, showing off her reconstructed boobs, thighs, and abs. Her face, which has gone under the knife countless times, parts her collagen-infused lips and that unforgettable voice wails, "If I could turn back time ..."

It's never happened, Jesus-Boy! Time marches on, no matter what some people may do to try to stand in her way.

Look who I found slinkin' thru the Last Chance Garage:

This SWEET low-slung,1958 Plymouth FURY (w/ fender skirts). MOPAR FOREVER!

ON YOM KIPPUR
The Rabbi DROVE to the Synagogue ...

So long, Ol' Paint. Good night , Irene.
Don't smoke in bed, Ol' Sleepy Head ...

WELL HOWDY, REV'LERS! P.O.E.T.S. /\ 100105!

P.O.E.T.S.!
PISS ON EVER'THIN' -
T'DAY'S SATURDAY,
October 1, 2ôô5

(Click on any image to enlarge)

"Happiness is an imaginary condition, formerly often attributed by the living to the dead, now usually attributed by adults to children, and by children to adults."
- [Thomas Szasz]

Did you ever go to spit out your car window and realize, too late, that it was rolled up? Uhhh.

Of course I'M RELIGIOUS! I worship STEVIE NICKS!

My inheritance is still tied up in the courts. Oh, yeah - MICKEY MANTLE willed the title to FLATBUSH to me.

The rumor is that Pope Benedict is going to ban gays from the priesthood. Being gay doesn't make them pedophiles. I've known a lot of Jesuit priests who date CAREER DIPLOMATS!

My dad quit smoking and I just made him an ASHTRAY!

Ask me the DIFFERENCE between P.J. O'ROURKE and ALEXANDER HAIG!!

SENATOR ORAL HATCH keeps hammering home his firm belief that World War III can be averted by adherence to a strictly enforced dress code!

Here in METRO FAIRBORN, OHIO, in the hysterical district, just about every other house has HEDGES in the shape of LITTLE LULU in front.

HAVE A GREAT YOM KIPPUR!
Bang it out!
A Salami Yarmulke?
Bang it out!

Yom Kippur is the Day of Atonement. It culminates in the Ten Days of Repentance.

HAVE A GREATER DAY AFTER YOM KIPPUR.

Moishe is driving in Jerusalem. He's late for a meeting and he's looking for a parking place, and can't find one. In desperation, he turns towards heaven and says: "G-d, if you find me a parking place, I promise that I'll eat only Kosher, respect Shabbas, and all the holidays..."
Miraculously, a place opens up just in front of him. He turns his face up to heaven and says "Don't bother G-d, I've just found one...."

Bang it out! 
"OY! PLAY FREEBIRD!!"

A journalist assigned to the Jerusalem bureau takes an apartment overlooking the Wailing Wall. Every day when she looks out, she sees an old Jewish man praying vigorously. So the journalist goes down and introduces herself to the old man. She asks: "You come every day to the wall. How long have you done that and what are you praying for?"
The old man replies, "I have come here to pray every day for 25 years. In the morning I pray for world peace and then for the brotherhood of man. I go home have a cup of tea and I come back and pray for the eradication of illness and disease from the earth."
The journalist is amazed. "How does it make you feel to come here every day for 25 years and pray for these things?" she asks.
The old man looks at her sadly and says, "Like I'm talking to a wall."

THIS JUST _________ IN ! !

Rev. Art: The Bush Administration is seriously considering seeking the repeal of the POSSE COMITATUS ACT! Then the Republicans declare martial law, confiscate our guns and ban HBO. Senator ORAL HATCH gazed dreamily into the cameras the other night and fairly cooed, "I see a NEW AMERICA with everyone WEARING CORDOVANS?!

QUOTE / UNQUOTE

“Casual drug users should be shot... Dealers should be beheaded… I have no moral problem with beheadings…” [BILL BENNETT - when he was Drug Czar]

Rackjite Bennett back-pedaled only on the second statement saying he meant only in respect to dealers who sell drugs to MINORS, not all dealers.  Subsequently I have come by data pointing out that about 95% of kids buy drugs from guess who? Other kids. So the question arises, where lies the higher Christian morality? Selling drugs to kids or beheading them?

QUOTE / UNQUOTE
"There are preachers who can preach an ideal they don't themselves meet and even use their own weaknesses as part of the lesson. Bill Bennett has not been such a preacher. He is smug, disdainful, intolerant. He gambled on bluster, and lost.
[Michael Kinsley]

The Bookie of Virtue - William J. Bennett - has made millions lecturing people on morality - and blown it on gambling.

Bill's "Most Wanted" Card!

WHICH BRINGS US TO BILL BENNETT'S "AL CAMPANIS MOMENT"!

If Republican National Committee chairman Ken Mehlman is serious about wooing African-American voters, he can throw all his energy into speaking to African-American groups and recruiting African-American candidates. Either that, or he could just ask Bill Bennett to shut up.

Bennett, who served as secretary of education under Ronald Reagan before writing the "Book of Virtues," and appointing himself MORALS MAVEN OF THE U.S., explained on his radio show Thursday that America could reduce its crime rate by eliminating African-Americans.

A caller to Bennett's radio show suggested that the Social Security system would have money to spare if the nation hadn't aborted so many wage earners over the years. Bennett said, "You can't make too many assumptions about the kind of adults aborted fetuses might grow up to be. But I do know that it's true that if you wanted to reduce crime, you could -- if that were your sole purpose -- you could abort every black baby in this country, and your crime rate would go down.
Quickly, he added, "That would be an impossible, ridiculous, and morally reprehensible thing to do, but your crime rate would go down."

(I think maybe he was playing video poker while fielding the call. Such a pickle for the old sour-pussed morals maven to find himself in. He's been scrambling to recover - blaming the MEDIA for takin' him out of context.)

Shouldn't Bill Bennett know this? Aborting black babies might kill most professional SPORTS franchises by reducing the number of black professional athletes!

Greg Gutfield : I've lost interest in CINDY SHAHEEN since she stopped wearing the hat. I was hoping that when she finally removed the hat, there would be a smaller hat underneath. and so on, like those Russian dolls, but instead of dolls, there would be hats - adorable gardening hats.
Which reminds me, now that Bob Denver's dead, I think the best person to play Cindy in the movie is Paul Hogan.

Comedian Argus Hamilton offers these musings on current affairs:


WHAT THE HELL? BUSH ALWAYS SENDS CONDOLENCES, DOESN'T HE?

Cindy Shaheen addressed a hundred thousand anti-war protesters in Washington last Saturday. The rally turned out to be a grab-bag of curious causes. The speeches were so critical of Israel that even Al Jazeera-TV offered Benjamin Netanyahu equal time.

President Bush took his seventh trip in three weeks to the Gulf Coast Monday on Air Force One. He was accompanied by the press plane, and the plane carrying two armored limos, and six fighter escort jets. He urged Americans to cut down on unnecessary travel to conserve fuel.

Laura Bush held a National Book Festival in Washington Saturday. They raised money to replace textbooks ruined by floods in the hurricane zone. The one good thing about water damage is it temporarily stops the book burnings in biology class.

TOM DeLAY: "I'M SO F@^&!*#-ING INDICTED!!
Austin District Attorney Ronnie Earle indicted Tom DeLay for conspiracy to violate Texas campaign fundraising laws. He has been down this road many times. Tom DeLay is the only House Majority Leader to have his official portrait done by a police sketch artist.

Tom DeLay's indictment follows the probe of Senator Bill Frist for insider stock trading. A grand jury is looking into Karl Rove. Washington D.C. is an exciting place where something is happening all the time, most of it unsolved.

Missouri Congressman Roy Blunt succeeded Tom DeLay as House Majority Leader Wednesday. It's a seamless transition. It's now his job to pass the president's legislative agenda of lower taxes and less spending and personal hurricane accounts.

(DeLay was raised by an alcoholic father and abused mother, then turned out to have a pretty severe alcoholism problem himself- until he accepted JESUS as his CRUTCH in his 30's.)

I am so relieved that the Republicans restored honor and integrity to Washington. There hasn't been even one blow job in that town since they took power.
"THE BLOWDREIER" WON'T REPLACE "THE HAMMER"

So it's a SMART move to keep DAVID DREIER -( yet ANOTHER closeted, self-loathing, rampant homosexuality in the GOP) -from becoming the majority leader of the House of Representatives. Dreier may be left behind, but at least he isn't OUT - yet ...

The Christianist Conservatives apparently convinced Denny Hastert that Dreier was "too squishy" (on some social issues) to ... uh - er ... FILL DeLay's SLOT!
MORE BUSHIT!

Michael Brown admitted to Congress Tuesday he had no idea that Louisiana was dysfunctional. Where's he been? Kathleen Blanco ran for office on a pledge to be the first governor of Louisiana to leave office without being led away in handcuffs.

The FTC investigated price gouging by oil companies during Hurricane Katrina. It was obvious. As the hurricane approached the drilling rigs, the Weather Channel advised oilmen who get erections lasting for four hours to consult a doctor.

The National Review this week blasted John McCain for supporting amnesty for illegal immigrants. Only six percent of Americans polled support amnesty. The good news is, this means that six percent of all Americans own their own factories!

HERE'S SOMETHIN' REALLY, REALLY IMPORTANT!

Britney, Kevin and Little Sean Preston Federline

Victoria's Secret sent out an e-mail promoting a new line of flannel pajamas. The Internet always foretells political trends. When Victoria's Secret is advertising flannel pajamas you know the Republicans have been in office too long.

Kate Moss lost a modeling job last week after the London Mirror ran a photo of her snorting coke through a rolled-up one-pound Bank of England note. There's no question that it was cocaine. Queen Elizabeth's baseball cap was on backwards.

The New York Yankees set a league attendance record Sunday with four million fans showing up to root for the Bronx Bombers this year. The Yankees needed every penny they could get their hands on. Only the Saudi royal family has a higher team payroll.

Michael Douglas celebrated his fifth wedding anniversary with Catherine Zeta Jones in Beverly Hills last week. It's a great marriage. For their anniversary dinner he wanted to take her someplace expensive, so they ate at the the BP station.

The National Enquirer quoted White House sources saying President Bush is drinking again. So that's it. Americans don't blame him for drinking, we just want a clear and rational explanation for why he keeps falling off his bicycle.

President Bush was forced to cancel a planned photo op on the Gulf Coast last week when Hurricane Rita landed. He wanted to stand outside with gale force winds plowing into his face and a forty-foot storm surge washing over him. How he sobers up is his own business ...

WARNING!
PG - 34

Roq LaRue Gallery

Two nuns are driving at night in a swamp. A vampire flys out of a shadowy stand of moss-covered trees and lands menacingly on the hood of their car. The nun who's driving says to the other nun, "Quick! Sister! Show him your cross!"
The second nun leans out of the window, grabs the vampire and screams, "GET THE F#*%^@! OFF THE CAR!!!"

aaahhhnnngggggggggggaanngggggngaaaanggggggaaaaaanggggg
aaahhhnnngggggggggggaanngggggngaaaanggggggaaaaaanggggg
aaahhhnnngggggggggggaanngggggngaaaanggggggaaaaaanggggg
aaahhhnnngggggggggggaanngggggngaaaanggggggaaaaaanggggg
BIG BEAUTIFUL BLONDE ANNA NICOLE SMITH

A middle aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she had a near death experience. Seeing God she asked "Is my time up?"
God said, "No, you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live."
Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a facelift, liposuction, and a tummy tuck. She even had someone come in and change her hair color. Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it. After her last operation, she was released from the hospital. While crossing the street on her way home, she was killed by an ambulance. Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 40 years. Why didn't you pull me from out of the path of the ambulance?"
God replied, "I didn't recognize you.

An old maid wanted to travel by bus to the pet cemetery with the remains of her cat. As she boarded the bus, she whispered to the driver, "I have a dead pussy."
The driver pointed to the woman in the seat behind him and said, "Sit with my wife. You two have a lot in common.

A blonde lady was driving along the highway when a blonde police officer pulled her over for speeding.
Officer: "May I see your license?"
Lady: "What does it look like?"
Officer: "It's a rectangular thing with a photo of you on it."
The lady looks through her bag and pulls out her compact mirror and hands it to the officer. The officer opens it up and says '"If you had told me you were a police officer I wouldn't have pulled you over."

THE BEST FEMALE COUNTRY SINGER OF ANY YEAR - PATTY LOVELESS @ Mountain Days Festival, Dayton 2005

How can you tell if you're making love to a teacher, a nurse or an airline stewardess?
A teacher says, "We've got to do this over and over again til we get it right."
A nurse says, "Hold still this won't hurt a bit."
And a airline stewardness says, "Put this over your mouth and nose and breathe normally."

Roq LaRue Gallery

Q:

Why was the Rationalist arrested in Dayton, Tennessee?
A: A monkey wrench was found in his glove compartment.

HELP ME, RHONDA!
Actress Rhonda Fleming

Q: How is a piccolo player like a Paranormalist?
A: They both emit vibrations on a higher level ...

Q: Where does a Paranormalist go to investigate a former spouse?
A: To the ex files.

Good fortune. COMMENT!!

Please spread the meme. Don't smoke in bed ...