P.O.E.T.S.! ... PISS ON
EVER'THIN'
- T'DAY'S SATURDAY, October 15, 2ôô5
Da Rev's Dad, Elmer, celebrates the 91st anniversary of his birth,
Sunday, October 16, in Florida.
It's the birthday of a great military man, Dwight D. Eisenhower
born in Denison, Texas (1890).
(Click on any image to enlarge.) 
A cat in Dobson, N.C., is believed to be the only cat in the world with
two tongues, according to a Local 6 News report.The cat, named Five
Toes, was born with two tongues and five toes on each paw.
CHECK THIS OUT - It doesn't matter what temperature a room is, it's
always room temperature.
I think maybe INDECISION is the key to
FLEXIBILITY - but I could be wrong.
If it weren't for the J.C. Whitney Automotive Catalog, I wouldn't know
about all the stuff I need for my pick-em-up truck. I'm gonna stand
next to my truck now - and PLEASE tell me the TRUTH - do you think I
need STRUTS? This week I replaced the headlights on my truck with
strobe lights. Now it looks like I'm the only one moving.
Whenever I think of the past, it brings back SO MANY memories.
NOSTALGIA isn't what it used to be - but things
are more like they are TODAY than they ever were BEFORE.
In 1962, you could buy a pair of SHARKSKIN SLACKS,
with a ``Continental Belt,'' for $10.99!!
Did you ever notice - the severity of
the itch is proportional to the reach?
Did you hear GREENSPAN's latest SCARY ANNOUNCEMENT?
Disco oil bussing will create a throbbing naugahide pipeline running straight to the tropics from the rug producing regions and devalue the dollar!
ZOUNDS!
The ECONOMY can't hurt me!! I have an ASSUMABLE MORTGAGE!!
I'm continually AMAZED at th'breathtaking effects of WIND EROSION!!
Does someone from PEORIA have a SHORTER ATTENTION span than
me?
CLICK BELOW TO GET YOUR FREE SCARY DELLA REESE MASK!
(Also available - Ron Jeremy, General Musharraf and Voltaire)
FREE HOLIDAY MASK!
HALLOWEEN (and horror movie) SURVIVAL GUIDE EEK!
When it appears that you have killed the monster or evil spirit from the netherworld, never check to see if it's really dead.
If you find that your house is built upon or near a cemetery, was once a church that was used for black masses, had previous inhabitants who went mad or committed suicide or died in some horrible fashion, or had inhabitants who performed satanic practices, move away immediately.
Do not search the basement, especially if the power has just gone out.
As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open portals to Hell.
Do not take anything from the dead.
If you find a town which looks deserted, it's probably for good reason. Take the hint and stay away.
Don't fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you're sure you know what you’re doing.
If your car runs out of gas at night, do not go to the nearby deserted-looking house to phone for help.
CLICK FOR Rev. Art's & The Pagan Baby's INTERFAITH POTLUCK @ the
CHURCH OF THE GOOEY DEATH & DI$COUNT HOU$E OF WOR$HIP in Metro
Fairborn - IT'S SOOOooo ECUMENICAL! SAY HALLELUIAH!!
INTERFAITH POTLUCK
THIS JUST ___________ IN ! !
In an effort to overcome the continuing criticism that he is
unsupportive, and in fact dismissive of Israel, one of America's
closest allies, today President Bush announced that he is converting to
Judaism in the hope that this will demonstrate his affinity and empathy
with the Israeli people. Authorities have been unable to handle the
millions of applicants who volunteered to be the moyel.
Baroness Thatcher (Little Black Moustache sold separately) has criticised Tony Blair for taking Britain to war
in Iraq on the basis of flawed evidence about Saddam Hussein's weapons.
The former prime minister's embarrassing criticism emerged as Mr Blair
was among the 670 guests who attended a party to mark "Ol Tin Knickers' " 80th
birthday. CHEESES! If Hitler had lived to issue support for the Jewish
Homeland in Israel, it would not have seemed stranger than THIS!
Bakersfield, CA (LaughFish.com)
- Former Education Secretary Bill Bennett said in a speech that
the media is to blame for twisting his words on Blacks, abortion and
crime. Said Bennett,
I was attempting to present a preposterous position concerning the issue of Blacks and their relationship to the high crime rate in this country. The media focused on the abhorrent argument and made it sound like I endorsed the idea. The media shaped and molded that story intentionally to present me as a racist. The media did that. And we all know who controls the media…. The JEWS that’s who.
COMEDIAN ARGUS HAMILTON
has the week's best humorous current affairs musings:
President Bush hosted a ceremony last Friday honoring Hispanic Heritage
Month where he thanked Hispanic volunteers who are helping to rebuild
the Gulf Coast. He got a mixed reception. This was the first they have
heard they are not going to be paid.
Condoleezza Rice visited earthquake-ravaged Pakistan Wednesday and
promised more American aid is on the way. She said the United States
will be there for the long haul. Those helicopters we sent there have
cargo bays loaded with quagmire.
The Iraq constitution referendum is taking place as this is written (Saturday), yet changes were added Friday. You can tell that U.S. administration officials
helped to compose the document. The preamble says Saddam Hussein
purchased bird flu virus from Niger.
Bill Frist was subpoenaed by the Securities and Exchange Commission in
a probe of insider stock trading. It's blatant racial profiling. Have
you ever noticed it's always white guys who get pulled over by the
police for insider stock trading?
President Bush's tax reform panel on Tuesday urged limiting mortgage
interest deductions to homes under three hundred fifty thousand
dollars. They're a bit out of touch. In Los Angeles, houses in that
price range read Frigidaire on one wall and This Side Up on the other.
President Bush helped construct new houses Tuesday as he visited the
hurricane-ravaged areas of Mississippi and Louisiana. The
administration keeps getting bad news from the Weather Channel. The
five-day forecast for Harriet Miers is two days.
Harriet Miers, it was learned Monday, was born Catholic and raised
Presbyterian, then educated Methodist. She goes to an evangelical
church in Dallas as well as St. John's Episcopal in Washington.
President Bush said he nominated her because she will never change.
Harriet Miers attended her evangelical church in Dallas Sunday. It's a
breakaway church that holds its services in a local Doubletree Hotel.
Jimmy Swaggert could only dream of preaching in a church sanctuary with
hotel rooms right upstairs.
Senator Arlen Specter said Sunday he is going to examine Harriet Miers'
law school transcripts. He should get her high school records. When she
didn't miss biology class in Texas for two years she was credited with
perfect church attendance.
Karl Rove was reported Friday to be on the verge of indictment while
the FBI probed Dick Cheney's staff for espionage. All the news is bad
for President Bush. Fuel costs are so high that the Nixon Library
refuses to send a helicopter for him.
HERE'S SOMETHIN' REALLY,
REALLY IMPORTANT!
George Bush sent a craft to Mars and Bill Clinton sent one to Venus.
That's the culture war in a nutshell.
The U.S. Supreme Court turned down an appeal from a Wiccan priestess
Tuesday. She was suing Chesterfield County in Virginia for not allowing
witches to lead the opening prayer at local government meetings. She
was previously turned down arguing the same case in 1998, 1981, 1845
and by the King's Bench in 1666.
New York held its Columbus Day parade on Monday, honoring the sea
captain who discovered America. He was trying to sail to India and he
came ashore in Haiti. To this day Italy is never considered a serious
contender in the America's Cup race.
John Daly missed a three-foot putt to lose the American Express
Championship Sunday. He forgot the putting advice his teaching pro gave
him. The last thing Dean Martin ever told John Daly was to always aim
for the middle of the three holes.
AHHHHhhh! The President hopes to restore that ol' "OZZIE & HARRIET" AMERICA!
Tom Cruise rushed to the microphones in Hollywood Tuesday to announce
he and fiancee Katie Holmes have conceived. It makes a lot of people
wonder. London bookmakers posted three-to-one odds that the baby's
astrological sign will be Pyrex. 
WARNING!
PG - 34!
A teacher at an elementry school tells the kids
that she is going to pass out a bunch of different foods and they have
to guess what it is. So, she hands out all kinds of different food...
She gives them the first item and they all try it; She hints: "It's
Itallian and goes with spaghetti." and the kids scream out "Meatballs!"
She tells them "Correct!" and passes out the next item. "It goes 'cluck
cluck'" she hints. They all scream out "Chicken!" Happy that they are
enjoying this game, she hands out one more "Now, this one is a little
harder" she tells the class (She hands them venison, which is deer
meat). They sit there and chew on it for a minute and have looks of
confusion on their faces. She says "Okay, I will give you a hint, it's
something your mother calls your father." They are silent for a second,
and then a boy jumps up and yells "EVERYBODY SPIT IT OUT, IT'S ASSHOLE!"
A man has six children and is very
proud of his
achievement. He is so proud of himself, that he starts calling his
wife,
"Mother of Six" in spite of her objections. One night, they go to a
party. The man decides that it's time to go
home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He
shouts at the top of his voice, "Shall we go home 'Mother of six?"
His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion shouts right
back, "Anytime you're ready, Father of Four."
There are these 3 guys wandering the
South
American jungle. They're captured by a tribe of nomadic men, and held
captive. The chief goes to the first man and tells him, "You can take
the mumbamumba or die..."
The guy doesn't want to die, so he says "Mumba
mumba."
Chief yells "MUMBA MUMBA!" and they take the guy out to the
forest, ass rape him and let him go. Same result with the second guy.
But the third guy speaks the language. The chief tells him, "You can
take the mumba mumba or die!"
The guy spits in his face and says, "You
can just fucking kill me!"
The chief glares at him a moment before
throwing his head back and yelling , "DEATH BY MUMBA MUMBA!!!"
AY, CARAMBA! ES SENORA RAQUEL WELCH!
A man comes home from work and sees his wife
has thrown all his stuff on the lawn, so he runs inside and she's about
to haul more of his shit out when he says, "What's going on?!"
The wife
looks furious and says,"I just found today that you are a pedophile!"
He smiles and says, "Well, well, isn't that a BIG WORD for a seven year
old?!"
HERE'S ONE FOR THE LADIES - ROBERT MITCHUM'S BEDROOM EYES & THAT'S NOT ALL...
Good fortune. COMMENT!! Please spread the meme. Don't smoke in bed...
