PISS ON EVER'THIN' -
T'DAY'S SATURDAY, October 22, 2ôô5
"EGO"
Illustrated cover of Ayn Rand's novel, "ANTHEM"...
(Click any image to enlarge)
"Besides telling us how to live, think, marry, pray, vote, invest, educate our
children and, die, the GOP has done a fine job of getting gov't out of our lives."
[Parker]
"You have the economic anxiety that existed in 1994. Republicans will stay home, independents will cast a protest vote and every Democrat will come out. What reason do Republicans have to wait in line an hour to vote? Everyone's disappointed. I can't find a happy Republican out there." [Frank Luntz, Republican pollster ]
So much for the House that Rove Built: The roof leaks, the foundation is collapsing, and the timbers are rotten with termites. [Bruce Reed]
Here's a site that presents the online version of James Audobon's "Birds of America" . It is from an 1840 "First Octavo Edition" of Audubon's complete seven volume text, and presents Audubon's images and original text descriptions. Bird species can be found listed alphabetically, or categorized by family. Audubon's drawings of some species' anatomical features are also included in the "Figures" section.
I always try to stand to the left of others when having a converstion. Surely you realize, the person on the left always speaks first. Well - it's that way in the COMIC strips!
I miss Kojak!
Lately life is a blur of Republican malfeasance and other natural disasters! I think Scooter's CAREER is RUINED!!
Our veterinarian here in Metro Fairborn taught a PORCUPINE to lay down quills to show his ZIPCODE... And now he has his own``VISA''!!
Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink, I think female alcoholics should be told not to fuck.
I have OMNIVERSAL AWARENESS - and I can TEACH it to YOU!
Who would like to hear my BOBBIE VINTON medley?
I was riding the subway into Dayton (where I always go to get crabs) Friday morning and when it came to my stop I tried to make my way through several people who were standing near the exit. I said, "Excuse me... Excuse me... Excuse me..."
A middle-aged fellow in a suit turned and barked rudely, "Tomorrow, why don't you play something we all like."
As I rushed out the door, I replied, "But tomorrow is Saturday!"
While I was on the subway, a woman sitting next to me told me her child was "autistic", and I thought she said "artistic". So I said, "Oh, great. I'd like to see some of the things he's done."
Some see the glass as half-empty, some see the glass as half-full. I see the glass as too big.
HERE ARE A COUPLE OF QUESTIONS I'D LIKE TO SEE
SENATOR JOE BIDEN ASK HARRIET MIERS:
1. Is it correct for a comma to appear before a coordinating conjunction linking the parts of a compound predicate?
2. You have called President George W. Bush the "BEST PRESIDENT EVER!" In your opinion, who would you say is the SECOND BEST PRESIDENT EVER?
3. If Jesus and President Bush got into a fight, who would win?
CONFERENCE REPORT: OBESITY IS MULTI-FACTORAL.
From Breitbart.com: Researchers were reporting at an Obesity Conference in Canada on fat triggers other than overeating and inactivity that include - a genetic tendency to store fat among groups whose ancestors survived famines - medications such as treatments for psychotic mental disorders - toxins in the environment like organochlorines - and infectious agents like bacteria, viruses and prions.
That's IT! I'M NOT FAT - I'M INFECTED!
*My Irish ancestors came to Brown County, Ohio during the British Gummint-induced Famine in Ireland in the mid-1800s.
*There were more than a few psychotic mental disorders among my German antecedents.
*And I have used the public restrooms at professional sporting venues - and those places are usually SWIMMING in bacteria and viruses, literally!
*I'd better not go into any details about all the plump and fluffy grrrlz Da Rev has played tongue-hockey with. Hey, who knew?!
*As for PRIONS? I dunno. I've never been able to fit into those little sub-compacts...
HURRICANE WILMA became a Category Five has begun heading toward Florida. It's the biggest hurricane ever measured! Residents saw what happened in New Orleans and learned a lesson. They know when they loot Wal-Mart they should bypass the tee-shirts and head straight for the guns and the electronics department. 
THIS JUST ______ IN ! !
Karl Rove is selling the line that he found out about Valerie Plame from Scooter Libby and that Libby says that his source for the Plame leak was none other than Tim Russert. Russert has CLEVERLY maintained from the first that he didn't KNOW THE IDENTITY of Joe Wilson's wife. Right. But Russert told Libby that WILSON'S WIFE
worked at the CIA.
It's long past time that Mr. Meat, The Press, got the kind of treatment that Judy Miller has received. He's up to his neck-folds in this thing.
TIM - WHAT'S THE TOP NEWS STORY OF THE WEEK?
Cheney resigning? What did The Smirking Chimp know, and when? DeLay frog-marched in Austin? The endless quagmire in Iraq? The panic racking the GOP? Bush's male hooker being exposed? Frist's "blind" luck with that stock?
WHAT'S THE TOP STORY, TIM - MEEEeeee...?
Argus Hamilton offers these humorous musings on current affairs:
President Bush's teleconference with GIs in Iraq backfired last week. White House aides tried to script it. The GIs were told to laugh out loud when the president told a joke - and agree when he predicted victory - and they got it backwards.
The White House is awaiting news of indictments by the special prosecutor in the CIA leak investigation. It looks more ominous every day. This year all the Halloween shops are selling see-through President Bush masks with Nixon masks underneath.
The New York Times said someone in the White House testified secretly to the grand jury about all the president's men. This is not Watergate. The original Deep Throat told people to follow the money while this one tells them to follow the Lord.
Media Whore Judy Miller addressed the Society of Professional Journalists this week in Las Vegas. It was at the Aladdin Hotel. When she saw the billboards she probably wished she had never been photographed wearing handcuffs.
Saddam Hussein's trial began this week in Baghdad, drawing a firm no comment from President Bush. He should lay very low. Saddam Hussein is being prosecuted under the legal principle that leaders are personally accountable for the wars they start.
President Bush decided to fly to Los Angeles on Thursday. He was shaking hands and making friends. If the special prosecutor has a talking witness inside the White House, the only thing that can save the Bush Administration is an L.A. jury.
Supreme Court nominee Harriet Miers admitted Tuesday she was suspended from the Washington D.C. bar association for failure to pay her monthly dues. She was once suspended by the Texas bar for failure to pay her dues. If she believed in paying her dues she never would have accepted the nomination for the Supreme Court.
Saddam Hussein was defiant as his war crimes trial got underway Wednesday. He told the courtroom that as the president he has immunity from prosecution. President Bush just announced it's time for the United States to adopt an Iraq style democracy.
Saddam Hussein has become a royal pain. We threw him out of power, seized his country, took his money, and threw him in prison for having weapons he didn't have and he won't shut up about it.
Palestinian leader Mahmoud Abbas offered an eight-point plan for Middle East peace last week. Israel must be extremely wary. Robert Blake had an eight-point plan to patch up his marriage and points two through eight were burial arrangements.
Liberia held its first election in many years last week, drawing congratulations and praise from the White House for the African nation. President Bush maintains a personal interest in the country. He likes to tell everyone that before they got married, his wife was a Liberian.
HERE'S SOMETHIN' REALLY, REALLY IMPORTANT!
President Bush had lunch Wednesday with rock star and global activist Bono in the White House. The invocation was moving. Bono prayed for President Bush to help feed the poor and President Bush prayed for Bono to get back together with Cher.
PEOPLE Mag is suffering gossip-mag humiliation over a big mistake in this week's cover story. The main photo spread shows Vince Vaughn with his arm around someone who looks very much like Jennifer Aniston, with the caption: "On the Set. Filming 'The Break Up' in August, 'they had great chemistry,' says costar Jon Favreau."
As it happens, the woman is actually Jennifer Aniston's movie double.
ATTENTION GAMERS! Click here!
The Queen of Rockabilly, Wanda Jackson celebrated her 68th birthday Thursday, October 20. "Right or Wrong" - "Let's Have A Party!"
Friday, October 21 marked the 88th anniversary of the birth of jazzman John Birks "Dizzy" Gillespie, the Be-Bop trumpet player.
AU REET!
ANSWER: Marionette!
QUESTION: What did most teen boys of Da Rev's generation want to do?
Happy 63rd Birthday to Annette Funicello, Saturday, October 22!
WARNING!
PG - 34!
A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time. Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. The pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex. At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.
That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!"
The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down. 10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy. Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious."
The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist."
ACTRESS NORMA SHEARER - She knew SHEER!
An American tourist in London decides to skip his tour group and explore the city on his own. He wanders around, seeing the sights, occasionally stopping at a quaint pub to soak up the local culture, chat with the locals, and have a pint of bitter. After a while, he finds himself in a very nice neighbourhood with big, stately residences. No pubs, no stores, no restaurants, and worst of all no public restrooms. However, he really has to go, after all those Guinness's. He finds a narrow side street, with high walls surrounding the adjacent buildings and decides to use the wall to solve his problem. As he is unzipping, he is tapped on the shoulder by a London bobby, who says, "Sir, you simply cannot do that here, you know."
"I'm very sorry, officer," replies the American, "but I really have to go, and I just can't find a public restroom."
"Ah, yes," said the bobby, "just follow me".
He leads the American to a back delivery alley to a gate, which he opens. "In there," points the bobby, "Whiz away sir, anywhere you like."
The fellow enters and finds himself in the most beautiful garden he has ever seen. Manicured grass lawns, statuary, fountains, sculptured hedges, and huge beds of gorgeous flowers, all in perfect bloom. Since he has the policeman's blessing, he relieves himself and feels much more comfortable. As he goes back through the gate, he says to the bobby "That was really decent of you. Is that what you call English hospitality?"
"No sir...", replied the bobby, "that is what we call the French Embassy."
Three old guys are out walking. First one says, "Windy, isn't it?"
Second one says, "No, its Thursday!"
Third one says, "So am I. Let's go get a beer."
Morticia & Da Rev wish you Good Fortune. Please spread the meme. COMMENT!! Don't smoke in bed...
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