P.O.E.T.S.!PISS ON EVER'THIN' -
T'DAY'S SUNDAY, November 26, 2ôô5
Art Window, Tiffany-1905
(Click on any image to ENLARGE IT)
QUOTE / UNQUOTE
"The meaning of life is to go back to sleep and hope that tomorrow will be a better day." [Cartoonist Charles Schulz, who would be 83 t'day]
WELL HOWDY, REV'LERS!How was your Bird Day? A funny thing happened at our Thanksgiving Feast here in Metro Fairborn, Ohio. Da Pagan Baby lost her cell phone but then - later - as we gathered 'round the table for dinner - the turkey started to vibrate.
Business Week says office holiday parties are back in fashion this year. Boy - do I remember holiday parties! It was a chance for workers and bosses to get together for a few drinks once a year. The only bad part about holiday office parties for me was having to look for a job the next day.
Welcome, Jim! I hope I qualify to be one of your SUBSIDIARIES!
What do you think about the evolution vs.
intelligent design debate? I think we're related to monkeys, allright - but not
the monkeys in Kansas! JAPAN is a WONDERFUL planet - I wonder if we'll ever
reach their level of COMPARATIVE SHOPPING...
SO - you THINK you want to be FAMOUS! Take it from one who WAS FAMOUS - it's not all you think it might be. I had to go on the ROAD for MONTHS at a time and have my name misspelled on the SIDE of a rebuilt GREYHOUND! OH, NO - it was NOT a SCENICRUISER!!
"I FOUND THE PITUM - NOW WHERE DID I PUT MY GLASSES?!"
Speaking of famous - here's one of my favorite guests - SHECKY!! Hey, why has there never been a president named SHECKY?!
SO - you THINK you want to be FAMOUS! Take it from one who WAS FAMOUS - it's not all you think it might be. I had to go on the ROAD for MONTHS at a time and have my name misspelled on the SIDE of a rebuilt GREYHOUND! OH, NO - it was NOT a SCENICRUISER!!
"I FOUND THE PITUM - NOW WHERE DID I PUT MY GLASSES?!"Speaking of famous - here's one of my favorite guests - SHECKY!! Hey, why has there never been a president named SHECKY?!
Hello, I'm Shecky!
Have you seen the newest Jewish-American Princess horror movie?
It's called "Debbila Does Dishes."
What do Jewish women do to keep their hands soft and nails long and beautiful?
Nothing.
Did you hear about the homeless guy who walked up to the Jewish mother on the street and said, "Lady, I haven't eaten in three days."
"Force yourself," she replied.
What's the difference between a Rottweiler and a Jewish Mother?
Eventually, the Rottweiler lets go.
There's a big controversy on the Jewish view of exactly when life begins.
In Jewish tradition, the fetus is not considered viable until after it graduates from medical school.
So - you're asking me - the definition of a Jewish menage a trois?
Two headaches and a hard-on. I gotta go...
Wow! Let's give it up for my favorite jokester -
SHECKY!! Mary called to say that when she's readin' my blog - placing a box of baking soda inside her computer really helps.
YOW! Free association, everyone - Hydraulic pizza oven!! Guided missile! Herring sandwich! Styrofoam! Jayne Mansfield! Aluminum siding! Borax! Pedal pushers! Jukebox!
I GOTTA GO SEE A MAN ABOUT A SOME PICTURES IN A PLAIN
ENVELOPE...Visualize Whirled Peas... Please.
THIS JUST
____________ IN ! !
Comedian Argus Hamilton
has the best liners about the events of the past week:
The Vatican has announced that Intelligent Design is not science and must not be taught in science class. No one knows for sure. It may well be that life is merely a series of random events and there is no master plan, but enough about Iraq.
The Nixon Library has announced it will
co-sponsor a Vietnam conference at the John F. Kennedy Library in Boston.
Reaction was swift. The White House issued a terse statement accusing Nixon and
Kennedy of being part of the Michael Moore crowd.
Congressman John
Murtha has called for a strategic plan for a troop pull-out from Iraq. It
prompted a circus on the floor of Congress. A three-way debate broke out between
advocates of partial withdrawal versus complete withdrawal versus the rhythm
method.
Congressman John Murtha told Meet the Press last Sunday that
tourists applaud him on sight since he called for a total pullout of U.S. troops
from Iraq. He supports the military and he's happily married and he's in the
Democratic Party. What's even worse for Republicans is that a fish out of water
is even further proof of evolution.
U.S. Congresswoman Jean Schmidt, from
a wing-nut district in Ohio, called John Murtha a coward on last week, ignoring
his war heroism in Korea and Vietnam. Don't question this guy's courage. The day
the bird flu arrives he will be the first one in line to bite the head off a
chicken.
The Dick Cheney admitted the intelligence on Iraq was wrong. He said it's the best they do could with a totalitarian government ruled by fear and secret police. However, that was the government we WANTED after oral sex in the Oval Office.
President Bush drank fermented mare's milk in a toast in Mongolia Monday. It is said to taste like warm beer and buttermilk (and it's only 3% alcohol). With all the tabloid rumors he is drinking again he had to go halfway around the world to undergo aversion therapy.
President Bush
found himself trapped onstage at a press conference in China Sunday. He couldn't
get the exit doors to open. Congressman John Murtha went on NBC's Meet the Press
and said he told everybody the doors were locked two years ago.
President Bush arrived in China last Saturday and then went to church services in Beijing Sunday. The church he attended is the ONLY Protestant church in the nation. Red China was founded fifty-six years ago in opposition to potluck suppers.
President Bush returned home from an eight-day trip to the Orient Monday. He went on a tour of China and Japan and South Korea. His advisers thought it would help the president's poll numbers if he was seen shaking hands with American workers.
West Virginia coal producers offered employees pay raises and improved benefits in addition to signing bonuses to attract new coal miners. This tells us something very important about today's economy. Mexicans are afraid of the dark...
HERE'S SOMETHIN' REALLY, REALLY, IMPORTANT!
Thanksgiving Day honors the Puritans' first harvest banquet in Plymouth. They were the forerunners of the Republican Party. Puritans live by the doctrine of Calvinism, which states that life is like a box of chocolates, and you can't have any.
SEXUAL EXPLOITATION OF STUDENTS BY BEAUTIFUL YOUNG FEMALE TEACHERS IN AMERICA GOES ALL THE WAY BACK TO 1934 AND THE MISS CRABTREE SCANDAL...
THE PLAINTIFFS...
Thanksgiving wasn't observed in
the South for centuries because Virginia was settled by Anglican Cavaliers. They
begat the Democratic Party. Anglicans believe Jesus died to save them from sin
and they would hate to give him nothing to do up there.
Arnold Schwarzenegger toured a steel plant in China last week. The plant uses California technology to handle wastewater pollution. Californians pioneered the process of converting industrial sewage into prime-time television programming.
Bill Clinton urged all restaurants Friday to change their menus to healthy food. He referred to lettuce, carrots, celery and mineral water. You knew it was just a matter of time before Bill Clinton was the spokesman for the Supermodel Diet.
LENO: In an interview in "GQ”, rap
artist 50 Cent says he is a big fan of President Bush... this increases
President Bush’s approval rating among African Americans to one.
CONAN: After 25 years Ted Koppel did his last show this week at "Nightline”. Immediately after the show he drove upstate and released his hair into the wild.
CONAN: Tom Cruise has announced that he and Katie Holmes are getting
married BEFORE their baby is born. Tom said that his baby may be CRAZY but will
not be a CRAZY BASTARD!
WARNING! PG - 34
Roq La Rue Gallery Artist:Weesner
_________________________
ASK The Honorable Senator DR. BILL FRIST: Freeway Blogger
Dear Dr. Frist,
We are a group of astronomers at Princeton University. We are stymied by these shots of Epsilon Gemadrae, in the Phoenix Quadrant of Omega Tau, near the Quelm cluster. Can you help?
Professor Jean Karactacus and colleagues
Dear Professor Karactacus,
As much as I would like to help, this is really outside my field of expertise. I have thus taken the liberty of forwarding your request to Senator Rick Santorum.
Dear Doctor Frist, You recently implied it was possible to contract AIDS through tears and that simply touching another persons genitals could result in pregnancy. Is this true?
Signed, Young and Scared
Dear Young and Scared,
When I said that you could get AIDS from tears what I meant was that getting AIDS could make you cry. Also, you CAN get pregnant from simply touching another person's genitals, providing they're ejaculating and you're touching them with your cervix. I hope this clears things up for you. Remember also that whenever you masturbate, God kills a kitten.
Yours Truly, Senate Majority Leader, Dr. Bill Frist __________________________
DR. BILL'S AUTO-BATOR
Dear Dr. Frist,
My girlfriend and I have been faithfucking through our underwear for the past several months. We’re both nineteen, fairly good-looking and have some of the greatest sex either of us has ever experienced, and believe it or not, she comes more than I do! (I’ve recently been practicing a sort of zen-tantric form of ejaculatory control.) Even though I rarely ejaculate per se, I have been secreting copious amounts of seminal fluid, which, combined with the juice from her horny young pussy, turns our underwear into a veritable swamp of hot, youthful, sexual juices. My question is this, while I know that pre-ejaculatory seminal fluid contains a certain amount of live spermatozoa, what are the chances, realistically speaking, that one might be able to swim through the fabric, up her vagina and actually impregnate her?
Signed, Youthful Adonis
Dear Youthful Adonis,
It’s letters like yours that make this job great. If only my duties as Senate Majority Leader could be so rewarding. To answer your question, while there’s certainly a chance of impregnation, it’s a relatively small one: if I were you I’d just stick with what you’re doing. If she gets pregnant, so what? You’re both still technically abstinent and she can always have an abortion. Better yet, have the child and raise him or her with a strong emphasis on athletic training and we may be seeing Olympic Gold for the U.S.A. swim team in 2024!
Just to be on the safe side, immediately after faithfucking, put both your undies in a Ziploc bag and mail them to me, Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist, and I’ll check for sperm content using what we doctors call the “ol’ sniff-test”.
Yours Truly, Bill Frist
P.S.: Please include photos.
ACTRESS CARY LOWELL
(She's Mrs. Richard Gere)
A rabbit one day managed to break free from the laboratory where he had been born and brought up.As he scurried away from the fencing of the compound, he felt grass under his little feet and saw the dawn breaking for the first time in his life. 'Wow, this is great,' he thought.
It wasn't long before he came to a hedge and, after squeezing under it he saw a wonderful sight lots of other bunny rabbits, all free and nibbling at the lush grass.
"Hey," he called. "I'm a rabbit from the laboratory and I've just escaped. Are you wild rabbits?"
"Yes. Come and join us," they cried.
Our friend hopped over to them and started eating the grass. I tasted so good. "What else do you wild rabbits do?" he asked.
"Well," one of them said. "You see that field there? It's got carrots growing in it. We dig them up and eat them."
This, he couldn't resist and he spent the next hour eating the most succulent carrots. They were wonderful.
Later, he asked them again, "What else do you do?"
"You see that field there? It's got lettuce growing in it. We eat them as well."
The lettuce tasted just as good and he returned a while later completely full. "Is there anything else you guys do?" he asked.
One of the other rabbits came a bit closer to him and spoke softly.
"There's one other thing you must try. You see those rabbits there, "he said, pointing to the far corner of the field. "They're girls. We shag them. Go and try it."
Well, our friend spent the rest of the morning shagging his little heart out until, completely spent, he staggered back over to the guys.
"That was fantastic," he panted.
"So are you going to live with us then?" one of them asked.
"I'm sorry, I had a great time but I can't."
The wild rabbits all stared at him, a bit surprised. "Why? We thought you liked it here."
"I do," our friend replied. "But I must get back to the laboratory. I'm dying for a cigarette!"
COMMANDER-IN-CHIEF
Oh, yes!
A man walks into a bar and he has a pet octopus. He sits down at the bar and says to the bartender "Give us two beers over here!"
The bartender walks over and see's the octopus and he says, "Didn't you see the sign over there it says no pets allowed!"
The man says to the bartender, "Oh but you don't understand this is a special octopus and he can play any musical instrument that you have."
The bartender replies, "Well I'll tell you what, if he can play any instrument you can both drink for free all night!"
The bartender walks up to the band playing and grabs a guitar. He puts it down on the bar.
The octopus crawls up on the bar and feels around the guitar for a little while, then finally he picks it up and starts jamming. He's so good he sounds like Jimi Hendricks!
The bartender says, "Alright lets try one more".
This time he goes into the back room and brings out a dusty old set of bagpipes and promptly put them on the bar and says "Lets see him play this!"
The octopus starts crawling all over the bagpipes. He continues this for quite awhile.
The bartender shouts out, "See I knew he couldn't play all these instruments!"
And the man replies, "Just give him a few more minutes...
as soon as he figures out he can't have sex with it, he'll play it!"
Back in the time when the samurai were important, there was a powerful emperor who needed a new chief samurai. So he sent a declaration throughout the land that he was searching for one. A year passed, and only three people showed up: A Japanese samurai, a Chinese Samurai and a Jewish samurai.
The emperor asked each to come before him to demonstrate why he should be the chief samurai. The Japanese samurai opened a match box and out flew a bumblebee. Whoosh! went his sword, and the bumblebee dropped to the ground in two pieces. "Impressive," the emperor exclaimed. Next the Chinese samurai stepped forward, opened a match box and out buzzed a fly. Whoosh! Whoosh! went his sword, and the fly dropped dead on the ground in four pieces. "That's VERY impressive," the emperor exclaimed.
Now the emperor turned to the Jewish samurai. He also opened a match box, and out flew a very small gnat. His flashing sword went Whoosh! ... Whoosh! but the gnat was still alive and flying around. The emperor, obviously disappointed, asked, "After all that, why is the gnat not dead?"
The Jewish samurai just smiled and said, "Circumcision is not meant to kill."
ACTRESS ALICIA SILVERSTONE
A rabbi went to see his buddy, a priest, at his church. While there, he saw people kissing his cross. The priest told him ,if he wanted to, he could kiss the cross as well since it was only a symbol. To that, the rabbi answered that in Judaism, circumcision is a symbol so when you kiss my symbol, I'll kiss yours.
OSCAR-WINNING ACTRESS HALLE BERRY
A man walked into his backyard one morning and found there was a gorilla in a tree. He called a gorilla-removal service, and soon a serviceman arrived with a stick, a Chihuahua, a pair of handcuffs and a shotgun.
"Now listen carefully," he told the homeowner, "I'm going to climb the tree and poke the gorilla with this stick until he falls to the ground. The trained Chihuahua will then go right for his, uh, sensitive area, and when the gorilla instinctivly crosses his hands in front to protect himself, you slap the handcuffs on."
"Ok, got it." the homeowner replied. "But whats that shotgun for?"
"If I fall out of the tree before the gorilla," the man said, "shoot the Chihuahua."
The revolution will be
sensualized by Pagan Moss @ SENSUAL LIBERATION ARMY
Good fortune. COMMENTS!!
Please spread the meme. Don't smoke in bed...
THIS JUST
____________ IN ! !Comedian Argus Hamilton
has the best liners about the events of the past week:The Vatican has announced that Intelligent Design is not science and must not be taught in science class. No one knows for sure. It may well be that life is merely a series of random events and there is no master plan, but enough about Iraq.
The Nixon Library has announced it will
co-sponsor a Vietnam conference at the John F. Kennedy Library in Boston.
Reaction was swift. The White House issued a terse statement accusing Nixon and
Kennedy of being part of the Michael Moore crowd. 
Congressman John
Murtha has called for a strategic plan for a troop pull-out from Iraq. It
prompted a circus on the floor of Congress. A three-way debate broke out between
advocates of partial withdrawal versus complete withdrawal versus the rhythm
method. 
Congressman John Murtha told Meet the Press last Sunday that
tourists applaud him on sight since he called for a total pullout of U.S. troops
from Iraq. He supports the military and he's happily married and he's in the
Democratic Party. What's even worse for Republicans is that a fish out of water
is even further proof of evolution.
U.S. Congresswoman Jean Schmidt, from
a wing-nut district in Ohio, called John Murtha a coward on last week, ignoring
his war heroism in Korea and Vietnam. Don't question this guy's courage. The day
the bird flu arrives he will be the first one in line to bite the head off a
chicken. The Dick Cheney admitted the intelligence on Iraq was wrong. He said it's the best they do could with a totalitarian government ruled by fear and secret police. However, that was the government we WANTED after oral sex in the Oval Office.
President Bush drank fermented mare's milk in a toast in Mongolia Monday. It is said to taste like warm beer and buttermilk (and it's only 3% alcohol). With all the tabloid rumors he is drinking again he had to go halfway around the world to undergo aversion therapy.
President Bush
found himself trapped onstage at a press conference in China Sunday. He couldn't
get the exit doors to open. Congressman John Murtha went on NBC's Meet the Press
and said he told everybody the doors were locked two years ago.President Bush arrived in China last Saturday and then went to church services in Beijing Sunday. The church he attended is the ONLY Protestant church in the nation. Red China was founded fifty-six years ago in opposition to potluck suppers.
President Bush returned home from an eight-day trip to the Orient Monday. He went on a tour of China and Japan and South Korea. His advisers thought it would help the president's poll numbers if he was seen shaking hands with American workers.
West Virginia coal producers offered employees pay raises and improved benefits in addition to signing bonuses to attract new coal miners. This tells us something very important about today's economy. Mexicans are afraid of the dark...
HERE'S SOMETHIN' REALLY, REALLY, IMPORTANT!
Thanksgiving Day honors the Puritans' first harvest banquet in Plymouth. They were the forerunners of the Republican Party. Puritans live by the doctrine of Calvinism, which states that life is like a box of chocolates, and you can't have any.
SEXUAL EXPLOITATION OF STUDENTS BY BEAUTIFUL YOUNG FEMALE TEACHERS IN AMERICA GOES ALL THE WAY BACK TO 1934 AND THE MISS CRABTREE SCANDAL...
THE PLAINTIFFS...
Thanksgiving wasn't observed in
the South for centuries because Virginia was settled by Anglican Cavaliers. They
begat the Democratic Party. Anglicans believe Jesus died to save them from sin
and they would hate to give him nothing to do up there.Arnold Schwarzenegger toured a steel plant in China last week. The plant uses California technology to handle wastewater pollution. Californians pioneered the process of converting industrial sewage into prime-time television programming.
Bill Clinton urged all restaurants Friday to change their menus to healthy food. He referred to lettuce, carrots, celery and mineral water. You knew it was just a matter of time before Bill Clinton was the spokesman for the Supermodel Diet.
LENO: In an interview in "GQ”, rap
artist 50 Cent says he is a big fan of President Bush... this increases
President Bush’s approval rating among African Americans to one. CONAN: After 25 years Ted Koppel did his last show this week at "Nightline”. Immediately after the show he drove upstate and released his hair into the wild.
CONAN: Tom Cruise has announced that he and Katie Holmes are getting
married BEFORE their baby is born. Tom said that his baby may be CRAZY but will
not be a CRAZY BASTARD! WARNING! PG - 34
Roq La Rue Gallery Artist:Weesner
_________________________
ASK The Honorable Senator DR. BILL FRIST: Freeway Blogger
Dear Dr. Frist,
We are a group of astronomers at Princeton University. We are stymied by these shots of Epsilon Gemadrae, in the Phoenix Quadrant of Omega Tau, near the Quelm cluster. Can you help?
Professor Jean Karactacus and colleagues
Dear Professor Karactacus,
As much as I would like to help, this is really outside my field of expertise. I have thus taken the liberty of forwarding your request to Senator Rick Santorum.
Dear Doctor Frist, You recently implied it was possible to contract AIDS through tears and that simply touching another persons genitals could result in pregnancy. Is this true?
Signed, Young and Scared
Dear Young and Scared,
When I said that you could get AIDS from tears what I meant was that getting AIDS could make you cry. Also, you CAN get pregnant from simply touching another person's genitals, providing they're ejaculating and you're touching them with your cervix. I hope this clears things up for you. Remember also that whenever you masturbate, God kills a kitten.
Yours Truly, Senate Majority Leader, Dr. Bill Frist __________________________
DR. BILL'S AUTO-BATOR
Dear Dr. Frist,
My girlfriend and I have been faithfucking through our underwear for the past several months. We’re both nineteen, fairly good-looking and have some of the greatest sex either of us has ever experienced, and believe it or not, she comes more than I do! (I’ve recently been practicing a sort of zen-tantric form of ejaculatory control.) Even though I rarely ejaculate per se, I have been secreting copious amounts of seminal fluid, which, combined with the juice from her horny young pussy, turns our underwear into a veritable swamp of hot, youthful, sexual juices. My question is this, while I know that pre-ejaculatory seminal fluid contains a certain amount of live spermatozoa, what are the chances, realistically speaking, that one might be able to swim through the fabric, up her vagina and actually impregnate her?
Signed, Youthful Adonis
Dear Youthful Adonis,
It’s letters like yours that make this job great. If only my duties as Senate Majority Leader could be so rewarding. To answer your question, while there’s certainly a chance of impregnation, it’s a relatively small one: if I were you I’d just stick with what you’re doing. If she gets pregnant, so what? You’re both still technically abstinent and she can always have an abortion. Better yet, have the child and raise him or her with a strong emphasis on athletic training and we may be seeing Olympic Gold for the U.S.A. swim team in 2024!
Just to be on the safe side, immediately after faithfucking, put both your undies in a Ziploc bag and mail them to me, Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist, and I’ll check for sperm content using what we doctors call the “ol’ sniff-test”.
Yours Truly, Bill Frist
P.S.: Please include photos.
ACTRESS CARY LOWELL(She's Mrs. Richard Gere)
A rabbit one day managed to break free from the laboratory where he had been born and brought up.As he scurried away from the fencing of the compound, he felt grass under his little feet and saw the dawn breaking for the first time in his life. 'Wow, this is great,' he thought.
It wasn't long before he came to a hedge and, after squeezing under it he saw a wonderful sight lots of other bunny rabbits, all free and nibbling at the lush grass.
"Hey," he called. "I'm a rabbit from the laboratory and I've just escaped. Are you wild rabbits?"
"Yes. Come and join us," they cried.
Our friend hopped over to them and started eating the grass. I tasted so good. "What else do you wild rabbits do?" he asked.
"Well," one of them said. "You see that field there? It's got carrots growing in it. We dig them up and eat them."
This, he couldn't resist and he spent the next hour eating the most succulent carrots. They were wonderful.
Later, he asked them again, "What else do you do?"
"You see that field there? It's got lettuce growing in it. We eat them as well."
The lettuce tasted just as good and he returned a while later completely full. "Is there anything else you guys do?" he asked.
One of the other rabbits came a bit closer to him and spoke softly.
"There's one other thing you must try. You see those rabbits there, "he said, pointing to the far corner of the field. "They're girls. We shag them. Go and try it."
Well, our friend spent the rest of the morning shagging his little heart out until, completely spent, he staggered back over to the guys.
"That was fantastic," he panted.
"So are you going to live with us then?" one of them asked.
"I'm sorry, I had a great time but I can't."
The wild rabbits all stared at him, a bit surprised. "Why? We thought you liked it here."
"I do," our friend replied. "But I must get back to the laboratory. I'm dying for a cigarette!"
COMMANDER-IN-CHIEFOh, yes!
A man walks into a bar and he has a pet octopus. He sits down at the bar and says to the bartender "Give us two beers over here!"
The bartender walks over and see's the octopus and he says, "Didn't you see the sign over there it says no pets allowed!"
The man says to the bartender, "Oh but you don't understand this is a special octopus and he can play any musical instrument that you have."
The bartender replies, "Well I'll tell you what, if he can play any instrument you can both drink for free all night!"
The bartender walks up to the band playing and grabs a guitar. He puts it down on the bar.
The octopus crawls up on the bar and feels around the guitar for a little while, then finally he picks it up and starts jamming. He's so good he sounds like Jimi Hendricks!
The bartender says, "Alright lets try one more".
This time he goes into the back room and brings out a dusty old set of bagpipes and promptly put them on the bar and says "Lets see him play this!"
The octopus starts crawling all over the bagpipes. He continues this for quite awhile.
The bartender shouts out, "See I knew he couldn't play all these instruments!"
And the man replies, "Just give him a few more minutes...
as soon as he figures out he can't have sex with it, he'll play it!"
Back in the time when the samurai were important, there was a powerful emperor who needed a new chief samurai. So he sent a declaration throughout the land that he was searching for one. A year passed, and only three people showed up: A Japanese samurai, a Chinese Samurai and a Jewish samurai.
The emperor asked each to come before him to demonstrate why he should be the chief samurai. The Japanese samurai opened a match box and out flew a bumblebee. Whoosh! went his sword, and the bumblebee dropped to the ground in two pieces. "Impressive," the emperor exclaimed. Next the Chinese samurai stepped forward, opened a match box and out buzzed a fly. Whoosh! Whoosh! went his sword, and the fly dropped dead on the ground in four pieces. "That's VERY impressive," the emperor exclaimed.
Now the emperor turned to the Jewish samurai. He also opened a match box, and out flew a very small gnat. His flashing sword went Whoosh! ... Whoosh! but the gnat was still alive and flying around. The emperor, obviously disappointed, asked, "After all that, why is the gnat not dead?"
The Jewish samurai just smiled and said, "Circumcision is not meant to kill."
ACTRESS ALICIA SILVERSTONE A rabbi went to see his buddy, a priest, at his church. While there, he saw people kissing his cross. The priest told him ,if he wanted to, he could kiss the cross as well since it was only a symbol. To that, the rabbi answered that in Judaism, circumcision is a symbol so when you kiss my symbol, I'll kiss yours.
OSCAR-WINNING ACTRESS HALLE BERRY
A man walked into his backyard one morning and found there was a gorilla in a tree. He called a gorilla-removal service, and soon a serviceman arrived with a stick, a Chihuahua, a pair of handcuffs and a shotgun.
"Now listen carefully," he told the homeowner, "I'm going to climb the tree and poke the gorilla with this stick until he falls to the ground. The trained Chihuahua will then go right for his, uh, sensitive area, and when the gorilla instinctivly crosses his hands in front to protect himself, you slap the handcuffs on."
"Ok, got it." the homeowner replied. "But whats that shotgun for?"
"If I fall out of the tree before the gorilla," the man said, "shoot the Chihuahua."
The revolution will be
sensualized by Pagan Moss @ SENSUAL LIBERATION ARMYGood fortune. COMMENTS!!
Please spread the meme. Don't smoke in bed...
