Black Commentator
Artist: Von C. Caberte
P.O.E.T.S.
PISS ON EVER'THIN'
-T'DAY'S SATURDAY, 110505
(Click on any image to ENLARGE)
QUOTE / UNQUOTE
"I think it is very beautiful for the poor to accept their lot, to share it with the passion of Christ. I think the world is being much helped by the suffering of the poor people." [Self-aggrandizing, celebrity-schmoozing, religious entrepreneur Mother Teresa, on poverty]
"Fascism is a religious concept." [Benito Mussolini, Fascism, Institutions And Doctrines]
Artist:Revilo
What a NIGHT! What a CROWD! Four thousand different MAGNATES, MOGULS & NABOBS are romping in our GOTHIC SOLARIUM!!
First, I need to thank Klinger for warmin' up the crowd. MIKE... That was the most HEART-WARMING rendition of ``I DID IT MY WAY'' that I've ever heard!! And - by the way - I was with PAUL ANKA when he COMPOSED it!
I'm EXCITED! We're having a FLANK STEAK WEEK-END!!
WHOA! Did you notice my Miles Davis ballcap? Are we laid back yet?
I was honored at the White House this week with a reasonable facsimile of a MEDAL and I performed my TRIBUTE to FISHNET STOCKINGS!
Now KEN and BARBIE are BACK TOGETHER! Ken was in rehab for addiction to MIND-ALTERING DRUGS...
Why have these ATHLETIC SHOE SALES REPS been following me everywhere?? Is it because I have MERCHANDISING CLOUT?!
A bloodsucking creditor has slapped a lien on our hovel here in Metro Fairborn, Ohio. That's no big news - but the notarized signature was "Chubby Checker"! Now THAT's a TWIST!
Why can't the Jews and Arabs just sit down together and settle their differences like good Christians?
I'm a pedestrian. I see religion like footwear. Some people like to wear really comfortable shoes; some people like to wear big, tall boots, really immerse themselves in it. I choose to go barefoot. Just don't step on my toes and we can get along fine.
SHHHH! Listen Becky's placing her order - Two with FLUFFO, hold th' BEETS... side of SOYETTES... YUM!
Did you know Ralph Nader has converted his 1959 Simca to run on used Mazola? FUCKING GREAT! And I bought WESSON OIL leases!
The Bible contains six admonishments to homosexuals and 362 admonishments to heterosexuals. That doesn't mean that the God of The Bible doesn't love heterosexuals. It's just that they need more supervision.
I can perform a miracle. Sure. I've perfected turning cold beer into warm water.
YOW! I'm sure by now most of you know Da Rev's a RECOVERED CATHOLIC. BUT HE's STILL THE KING OF CATHOLIC TRIVIA!!
Name this saint!
Jim - YOU should know THIS ONE! ZZZZTTT!! Time's up!
Miss Poppy's Store She's li'l ol' Saint Dymphna, the Patron Saint of nervous disorders, mental diseases, incest victims, runaways, sleepwalkers, and therapists. How appropriate!
THIS JUST ____ IN ! !
Page Six reported: Bill Clinton reportedly has two escape clauses from his Harlem office lease: "One, if Hillary runs for the Senate and loses; two, if she runs for president and wins." 
Comedian Argus Hamilton
has the best current affairs liners of the week:
The Supreme Court heard arguments this week on whether an
Indian congregation in New Mexico can use hallucinogenic tea in their
religious ceremonies. It's only right. We used whisky to get their
land, why not use peyote or LSD to get their casinos?
Low Culture
". . . wait . . . wait . . . there! Dropped that cherry right in the shotglass! Booya!"
"Very impressive, sir.
"
Senator Jay Rockefeller demanded to know Tuesday why the White House went to war in Iraq. It's amazing. If the great-grandson of the founder of Exxon Mobil doesn't know, it gives the Kansas School Board their best argument yet against evolution.
Bill Frist scheduled Senate hearings Thursday on high oil prices and high oil company profits. This is long overdue. It delivers a stern message from Congress to the oil companies that next year is an election year and fundraising starts now.
President Bush gave a speech in Norfolk last Friday saluting the effort of the allies in Iraq. Recently an aide told the president three Brazilians had been killed in Iraq. President Bush recoiled in anguish and then asked him how many is a brazilian.
Karl Rove was reportedly still under a cloud of possible indictment Tuesday. You can't make it up. The same administration that six months ago demanded urine samples from baseball players is now claiming executive privilege to protect their own leaks.
Washington reporters are still speculating whether Karl Rove will be canned because of his involvement in the CIA leak case. They have no sources anymore. Scooter Libby was last seen putting his turkey costume together for the big pardoning ceremony in three weeks.
Democrats spoke at Rosa Parks's funeral in Detroit Wednesday. They spared no praise. Jesse Jackson called her a legend, Bill Clinton called her a hero, and Al Sharpton said that yesterday at lunch he saw her image on a grilled cheese sandwich.
The Methodist Church defrocked a gay minister Monday, mirroring the schism in its mother church, the Episcopal Church. A split is coming over gay toleration. Conservative Anglicans can't abide a theology that hates the sin but loves the shoes.
French Prime Minister Dominique de Villepin vowed Wednesday to halt the street rioting by Muslims in Paris. It's nasty. The French hate the Muslims so much that sometimes it's hard for them to remember what it was they had against the Jews.
Laura Bush on Friday warned that risky behaviors like drugs and sex and alcohol and violence and smoking are the top causes of disease and death among young people. She is absolutely right. They are also the top causes of nostalgia among older people.
HERE's SOMETHIN'
REALLY, REALLY IMPORTANT!
BACK BY POPULAR DEMAND!
RETRO-ROCKERS: RUBY & LEE
Woody Allen gave an interview to Vanity Fair Thursday on the occasion of his seventieth birthday. He discussed his passion for civil rights. As long as pro golfers play tournaments at restricted country clubs he can't get near Michelle Wie.
Woody Allen gave an interview to Vanity Fair. It was in two parts. The interview was interrupted when he had to rush off to Columbia Presbyterian Hospital to attend the birth of his fourth wife.
Prince Charles was given a reception at the Museum of Modern Art in New York featuring organic food. The locals loved it. Organic food is very popular with New Yorkers because of the widely held belief that it makes the cocaine work faster.
Prince Charles and Camilla the Hun enjoyed a state dinner with President Bush at the White House Wednesday where everybody dined on buffalo meat. A lot of thought went into the menu. Between the threat of Mad Cow and Bird Flu it was either buffalo meat or Spam.
They were greeted by the president and a fanfare of bagpipes. Playing the bagpipes is a lot like being president. You don't have to be that good at it in order to get everyone's attention.
Miss Poppy's Store
If only Jesus had said: "Lock 'n' load!"
The Kennedy Center in Washington announced it will host country music concerts in March. It's the perfect venue for ballads about alcohol and car wrecks and cheating husbands. All successful country songs are Kennedy biographies set to music.
NBC's Saturday Night Live has its thirtieth anniversary show on Saturday. The original cast of the show nearly laughed President Jerry Ford out of office. Betty Ford got even with all of them ten years later when she cut off all their meds during detox.
The original SNL cast really burned out. Last week tourists reported seeing Chevy Chase in an antique shop on Rodeo Drive, for twelve hundred dollars.
DID YOU SEE THIS? In Cincinnati, Sunday, as the Bengals beat the Packers' asses handily, Brett Favre was stripped of the ball by a fan during a pass play. The crowd cheered as he ran the ball into the end zone. Cops arrested him for public drunkenness, leaving him just a lap dance shy of completing the NFL player experience.
The New York Giants said Wednesday five Muslims were detained by the FBI for praying in the stadium before a home game. It's insane. If they go on trial for praying before a football game Texas Baptists are promising to pay their legal fees. 
Jay Sekulow has promised to represent them pro bono. (Wait a minute. That last liner about Jay Sekulow doesn't work. In order for a line to be funny, there has to be at least a HINT of plausibility!)
I decided I've had it with my next-door neighbor - the Biker-4-Jesus - with the two pit bulls. I determined we needed protection - besides the guns - so I bought a guard porcupine. So far, so good... 
WARNING! PG - 34
"DEBBIE DOES GROUCHO!"
Q: How many Druids does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: They don't screw in light bulbs, they screw in stone circles.
"CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW?"
What do you get when you cross a Zen Buddhist and a Druid veternarian?
Someone who worships the bark of the tree that is not there.
Overheard from Tipper Gore: "Hug a logger - you will never go back to trees."
What do ya' call 13 Witches in a hot tub?
Self-Cleaning Coven.
SINGER SHERYL CROW
Get a taste for religion - Lick a Witch!
Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.
8 TIME WINNER MS. OLYMPIA
CORY EVERSON
The definition of "SAINT":
"A dead liberal who is worshipped by living conservatives."
How do you scare a UU (Unitarian Universalist) our of your neighborhood?
Answer: Burn a Question Mark on their lawn.
You'll never have to worry about your airplane being hijacked by a group of radical Unitarians.
"I BELIEVE YOU'RE TRYING TO SEDUCE ME, MRS. ROBINSON... AND ELAINE... AND... )))GULP(((... MOM!!
The Mighty God Thor was riding across the skies on his fiery steed Pegasus. He raised his hammer and bellowed, "I'M THOR! I'M THOR!"
Pegasus looked up at him and muttered, "You thoulda wore your thaddle, thilly."
Good fortune. Please spread the meme. COMMENT!! Don't smoke in bed...
