P.O.E.T.S. - 042906

P.O.E.T.S.!
* PISS ON EVER’THIN’ * –
T’DAY’S SATURDAY, April 29, 2ôô6

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HOO-RAY, THE FIRST OF MAY!
OUTDOOR F---ING STARTS THE DAY!
(AHEM! - THAT'S FISHING! WALLEYE* FISHING season on Lake Erie!) Pan fry, beer-batter and fry or grill and serve with your favorite amber lager...
*(The Walleyed Pike is a sub-gunus of Perch, I think...)

Duke Ellington (musician-composer-orchestra leader) was born Edward Kennedy Ellington in  Washington, 4-29-1899 D.C. Artist: W.A. Guy 
When Ellington was seven years old, a piano teacher refused to teach him because he wouldn't stop improvising and experimenting with off-tone chords. So he taught himself to play on the family player piano, using as his models ragtime pianists he heard in and around. He dropped out of high school to pursue a career in music. He worked briefly as a soda jerk, and his first piece of music was called "Soda Fountain Rag" (1915). Writer's Almanac

FELICITATIONS & a toast with a glass o' bubbly to: Swedish import, ravishing, redheaded singer-dancer- actress Ann-Margaret turned 65 Friday, the 28^th. She’s still a sexy kitten to Da Rev… and she's gettin' t' the age when she might be needin' MOUTH-TO MOUTH RESUSCITATION!

Da Rev's personal GURU, Willie Nelson, turns 73 Sunday, 4-30.
(Da Rev believes that if you stay cool, when the day finally comes that y' trip over the rainbow you'll end up @ Willie's house...)

And former teen idol, pop star, & eerie Buddy Holly sound-alike Bobby Vee (Robert Thomas Veline) is 63! WHAT?!? Bobby Vee's a year younger than Da Rev? Ouch! (Bobby Vee - Recent)

As for the rest of you gathered here - there comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday - around age eleven.

Check out Da Rev's newest ATHEIST PIN-UPS -
Julianne Moore, Bob Simon, Ray Romano... MORE

(Da Rev’s Stand-Up begins after the QUOTES…)

QUOTE / UNQUOTE

“Writing for a penny a word is ridiculous. If a man really wants to make a million dollars he should start his own religion.” [L. Ron Hubbard, Sci-Fi hack, Founder of Scientology]

Phrases such as: ‘All men have inalienable rights to think freely, to talk freely, to write freely their own opinions and to counter or utter or write upon the opinions of others’ are made ridiculous by the followers repeating them in a monotonous drone.”
[Sara Lawrence, reporting on Scientology in The Independent]

Golden Rule: "What you do not want done to yourself, do not do to others."
[Confucius (551-479 BC (that’s before “you-know-who”) Chinese Ethical Teacher, Philosopher]

WELL HOWDY, REV’LERS!

I used to know a clever toast
But now I can't think of it
So fill your glass to           anything
And damn it all, I’ll drink it! 

BEFORE I FORGET - the proceeds from this little soiree have been earmarked for the Gay And Lesbian Show Tune Preservation Society...

No one is listening, friend - 'til y' fart!

Don't tell me we failed to lay in enough pork rinds again?!

I got drunk on whiskey when I was ten and I got so sick I hated even the smell of the stuff. I couldn’t even touch it again 'til I was thirteen.

THIS TIME  it was that perky dumbass chipmunk Katie Couric who exclaimed for all the world (who may have been viewing the particular episode of NBC's INSIPID "Today Show"):
"There are no atheists in foxholes!"
C'MON ALL O' YOU WHO ESCHEW IMAGINARY PLAYMATES:
SAY IT LOUD - "WE BE GEL-LIN'!"
Order  a gel bracelet here...

It is better to spend money like there’s no tomorrow
than to spend tonight         like there’s no money...                
Drinking when we’re not thirsty is one of the few things that separates us from the beasts.

YUP - life is sexually transmitted.

I have accepted Provolone into my life!

Here's a moment of zen for you: The SAME WAVE keeps coming in and COLLAPSING like a rayon MUU-MUU...

Da Rev has added a LINK to

What a rich, diverse resource!

THIS JUST ___ IN ! !

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Comedian Argus Hamilton
comments  on the events of the past week:
Karl Rove testified to a grand jury for the fifth time Wednesday in the case of the leak of CIA agent Valerie Plame's identity. He started out in politics as national president of the College Republicans for Nixon. You would think the statute of limitations for lying and subverting the Constitution would have run out by now.

SEE ROVER DO DA FROG WALK! (Thanx t' Karen , who blogs @ Peripetia...
Al-Qaeda leader Abu Musab al-Zarqawi broadcast a thirty-minute video Tuesday in which he threatens more violence against America. The video shows how clever he is. To demonstrate how easily he could attack the United States, he's wearing a sombrero. (Thanx t' The Bacon Eating Atheist Jew  for the "border collies" 'toon...)

The United Nations deadline expires Friday for Iran to halt nuclear research and all nuclear production. Military action is not necessarily imminent. Right now President Bush doesn't have enough support in Congress to raid the refrigerator.

The Wall Street Journal lashed out at congressional Republicans for blaming oil companies for high prices. The editorial board admonished Republicans to stop sounding like Democrats because it's not going to help them in November. In this era of political correctness, you don't hear a lot of calls to die like a man.

President Bush addressed an energy summit on Tuesday. The Texas oilman said we must stop relying on oil. It's the most suspicious presidential statement since Bill Clinton said he wanted all students to dress like Catholic school girls.

Bill Clinton's office apologized Wednesday for his new Smithsonian portrait showing no sign of his wedding ring. He's reached the age where he's comfortable in his beliefs. The Clinton Doctrine states that monogamy is the enemy of free will.

Sports Illustrated model May Anderson of Denmark was deported for misbehaving on a flight to Miami last Thursday. The Bush administration is deporting Scandinavian swimsuit models. This should quiet everybody who says it doesn't make any difference who's president.

HERE’S SOMETHIN’ REALLY, REALLY IMPORTANT!

MAURY & CONNIE STRAINED - New York (LaughFish.com) - Allegations of sexual harassment against Maury Povich by one of his producers have put a strain on his relationship with his wife Connie Chung (both pictured).

BUT WAIT!! JILTED CONNIE HAS SEX WITH SPRINGER!

O’Hare Airport, Chicago (LaughFish) - A humiliated Connie Chung decided to fight fire with fire when she flew to  Chicago to have sex with her husband’s main rival, Jerry Springer.  Said Connie, “Hey Maury!  You are not the father!”  When reached for a comment, Jerry said, “Wow.  That was the best sex I’ve ever had with an Asian woman that didn’t have a penis.”

IT’S WET TEE- SHIRT NIGHT @ DUB’S PUB (Rumored to be in Columbus, OH) 

NARCO-JUNKIE RASH LIMBO AVOIDS PRISON

Unfortunately - BUSHCO went ahead and picked another right-wing media blowhard as White House press secretary.
"After a week of speculation in the press, Rush Limbaugh admitted that he is addicted to pain killers and I'm sorry to say, hoagies. Limbaugh blames his addiction on a botched back operation and lesbians." — [Tina Fey]

GET READY FOR A SNOW JOB... 

MORE liners from Argus:

Charlie Sheen was ripped in divorce court filings Friday by his wife, actress Denise Richards. She said he gets prescription drugs in the mail, gambles tens of thousands of dollars, and views pornography. She's the one who gave him a computer for Christmas.

Brett Favre agreed Thursday to return next fall to quarterback the Green Bay Packers. His financial compensation package could break records. It's believed to be the first sports contract in history pegged directly to the price of gasoline.   

WARNING! PG-34!
DICKSCLIMBER…DISCLAIMER:
Da Rev takes no responsibility for distress caused by seeing naked pictures of your grandmother.

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OKay so one day I was sittin' in biology class and the teacher said that there's sugar in sperm. SO a female student inquired, "Why isnt it sweet then?"
As her face reddened with embarrassment, the prof calmly explained,  "Of course, you taste sweetness with the FRONT of your tongue, NOT  the BACK of your throat!

THE FABULOUS "KISS-STEALER" MORGANA

ANSWER - MARIONETTE!

QUESTION - WHAT DID EVERY 13-YEAR-OLD BOY HOPE FOR IN 1956?!

There once were two young girls from Birmingham
There's a wild story concerning 'em
They lifted the frock
And diddled the cock
Of the bishop engaged in confirming 'em

Now the bishop was no fool
He'd been to a fine public school
He lowered his britches
And fuck'd both those bitches
With his twelve inch episcopal tool

But that didn't startle these two
"Why they laughed as the bishop withdrew
The vicar is quicker
And thicker and slicker
And longer and stronger than you!"
 
Roses are good
Violets are fine
I'll be the 6
If you'll be the 9!
MOVIE BOMBSHELL RITA HAYWORTH

 Good fortune. COMMENT!!
Please spread the meme. Don’t smoke in bed…