P.O.E.T.S.!
PISS ON EVER’THIN’ –
T’DAY’S SATURDAY, April 8, 2ôô6
HOPPY ESTHER!
(Click on any image to ENLARGE IT)
(Da Rev’s Stand-Up begins after the QUOTES…)
QUOTE /
UNQUOTE
"Don't argue with a fool. The spectators can't tell the difference."
[Charles Nalin]
"The art of being wise is the art of knowing what to overlook.''
[William James]
"Nonviolence is a flop. The only bigger flop is violence."
[Joan Baez (1941~) American Singer, Songwriter, Political Activist]
WELL HOWDY, REV’LERS!
I'm proud to say I'm a DEMOCRAT! We know what the LITTLE MAN in this country wants - he wants a LITTLE WOMAN!! 
Let me be the first to wish everyone a GOOD FRIDAY! Unnh... maybe not a GREAT FRIDAY - but a GOOD one nevertheless...
HOLY CRAP, Jim, those FURS never reached ISTANBUL!!
YOU ARE CORRECTAMUNDO, Charlene: Da Rev WAS an EXTRA in the REMAKE of "TOPKAPI"!
Dick - Go home to your WIFE ...
She's making FRENCH TOAST!
We're SO fortunate to have our good fellow stand-up SHECKY, just in from a gig in Atlantic City - Let's hear it for SHECKY!!applause}}}
{{{Thank you. No, really, thank you.
Did anybody catch the ABC miniseries The Ten Commandments
this week? Is it just me, or did they portray Moses as a sketchy,
hallucinating psychopath whose so-called miracles could be explained by
natural phenomena? What's up wit dat?
Gimme goy Charleton Heston (wielding a staff, not a musket) any day. For some, Cecil B. DeMille’s film "The Ten Commandments" eclipses even the Bible. “I don’t need to read
the Haggadah,” I remember telling my horrified grandfather as a kid at
our seder table. “I already saw the movie!”
Have you checked out these NEW & IMPROVED PASSOVER ITEMS @ BangItOut.com ?
Matzoh Sushi
Pamela Anderson's XXX HOT
Marror
George Forman's Shank Bone Grill
7-11's New Charoset Slurpee
Ferrara Pan: Afikomen the Grape, StaleMatza Jawbreakers, Boston Baked Beans
(sephardic), Marror Redhots, Gummy Locusts...
Britney Spears version of Mah Nishtana (she's not that innocent)
Always-Leaning crooked chairs
Kosher For Passover Ex-Lax, now in new Matzoh strength -
"Ex-odus"
LET MY PEOPLE GO!
Which one goes
best with the gefilte fish? A Group of
ultra-orthodox hackers erases Israeli porn sites, replacing them with photos of
the Lubavitch Rabbi
Which one of
these things is not like the other?
THIS JUST ___ IN ! !
BongoNews Iraqis
Released Jill Carroll Because She Wouldn’t Put Out
BAGHDAD
— The Iraqi captors who held hostage the 28-year old reporter for the Christian
Science Monitor, Jill Carroll, said they released her because she wouldn’t put
out.
STATUE FOR NIGERIAN PRESIDENT
WASHINGTON, DC — President Bush struck up a
conversation this week with a bronze statue by J. Seward Johnson, the man who
does the lifelike statues of people sitting on park benches. Bush mistook the
statue for the Nigerian President.
“We discussed oil, Charles Taylor, oil, human rights, and
oil,” said the President.
“He’s a good listener. Pretty quiet fellow. But I think I had him spellbound!”
LowCulture Congresswoman
McKinney Cuts Off Harry Belfonte’s Balls -
Says She’s the Victim
WASHINGTON, DC — Congresswoman Cynthia
McKinney declared herself the victim of a racist Capitol Hill police officer
whom she said stopped her from skirting a security checkpoint. "I told the pig that I don’t do security checks, I’m
a Black American Congresswoman!”
“But
he said to me, ‘Lady, you gotta go through the metal detector. Everybody does.’
"So I hit him,” she said. “That makes ME the victim
of the excessive use of law enforcement because of the color of my skin.”
The former singer and activist, Harry Belafonte, and the
actor Danny Glover also appeared with
“Now look what you made me do!” she said.
Comedian Argus Hamilton comments on the state of current affairs:
President Bush threw out the
first pitch in
National Geographic announced Thursday the discovery of a New Testament era
text called the GOSPEL OF JUDAS. Not everyone is convinced it's authentic. Many
archaeologists question the paragraph where Jesus tells President Bush to
invade
The White House held a leak seminar at the daily press briefing Friday. The
spokesman had to explain the difference between a good leak and a bad leak. The
president just named a urologist to head the FDA when he should have named him
Chief of Staff.
President Bush's guest-worker program hit a
roadblock. He said something must be done to fill all the jobs Americans
refuse to do. When he introduced the new FEMA Director in the Rose Garden the
guy was still wearing his gardening gloves.
Supermodel Naomi Campbell was accused of hitting her housekeeper with her cell
phone Thursday. The same day, Congresswoman Cynthia McKinney hit a cop with her
cell phone. CINGULAR never should have advertised thirty free weekday assault
minutes in JET magazine.
Congresswoman Cynthia McKinney hit a Capitol Hill cop with her cell phone and
could face charges. There's video of the black woman hitting the cop. When news
editors in
U.S. Rep. Cynthia McKinney apologized for hitting a Capitol Hill cop in the head with her cell phone. Her
story continues to evolve. (Ever the credulous conspiracy NUT) - now she says
that she was trying to find out once and for all whether cell phones cause
brain damage.
Pope Benedict told young people Thursday he
became a priest to oppose the Nazi culture in
(Click on any image to ENLARGE IT)
Homeland Security official Brian Doyle was
arrested trying to pick up a teenage girl on the Internet. Two
government employees were busted online in one week. The only thing Republicans
could say in their defense was that Al Gore invented the Internet. "I INVENTED THE INTERNET - AND I SAID, 'IT IS GOOD..."
U.S. Border Patrol agents used gamma-ray imaging for the first time Thursday to
detect stowaways in a car trunk. It's surprisingly effective. The stowaways
didn't make it into the country, but at least their prostates are down to a
manageable size.
HERE’S SOMETHIN’ REALLY, REALLY IMPORTANT!
More Argus...
Baseball Commissioner Bud
Selig promised to erase any steroid-tainted home run records. It affects Barry
Bonds and Sammy Sosa and Mark McGwire. By the time the home run record is
returned to the Maris family it will have made more wrong turns than Amelia
Earhart.
King Kong rang up one hundred
million dollars in DVD sales in its first week out. It's about an ape with
human emotions. Video stores in
(Click on any image to ENLARGE IT)
KIMBERLY JONES (A.K.A. Li'l Kim)
A ventriloquist cowboy walks into town and sees an Indian sitting on his porch. He figures he'll have a little fun...
Cowboy: "Hey, cool dog. Mind if I speak to him?"
Indian: "Dog no talk."
Cowboy: "Hey dog, how's it going?"
Dog: "Doin' alright."
Indian: shows extreme look of shock
Cowboy: "Is this Indian your owner?" pointing at Indian.
Dog: "Yep"
Cowboy: "How does he treat you?"
Dog: "Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food, and takes me to the lake once a week to play."
Indian: shows look of disbelief
Cowboy: "Mind if I talk to your horse?"
Indian: "Horse no talk."
Cowboy: "Hey horse, how's it going?"
Horse: "Cool."
Indian: extreme look of shock
Cowboy: "Is this your owner? "pointing at Indian.
Horse: "Yep."
Cowboy: "How's he treat you?"
Horse: "Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes
me down often, and keeps me in the barn to protect me from the
elements."
Indian: shows total look of amazement
Cowboy: "Mind if I talk to your sheep?"
Indian: "Sheep Lie!"
Artist: Luis Royo
Jack and Betty are celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary, when Jack asks his wife, "Betty, have you ever cheated on me?"
Betty replies, "Oh Jack, why would you ask such a question now? You don’t want to ask that question."
"Yes, Betty, I really want to know. Please."
"Well, all right. Yes, three times…"
"Three?!? Well, when were they?" he asked.
"Well, Jack, remember when you were 35 years-old and you really wanted
to start a business on your own, and no bank would give you a loan?
But, then one day the bank president himself came over to the house and
signed the loan papers, no questions asked?"
"Oh, Betty, you did that for me? I guess I can’t be too upset about that. Well, when was number 2?"
"Well, Jack, remember when you had that last heart attack and needed
that very risky operation that no surgeon was willing to perform? And,
remember how Dr. DeBakey came all the way up here, to perform the
surgery himself?"
"Betty, you should do such a thing for me, to save my life. To do such
a thing, you must truly love me, Darling. How can I be upset with that?"
"So, all right then, when was number 3?"
"Well, Jack, remember a few years ago, when you really wanted to be president of the golf club and you were 17 votes short?"
A rich man, a hippy, and a hobo are at the
table of a new bar with no name. The barkeep asks them, "If you can
name my bar a good name, I can give you three beers right now and
tomorrow"
The rich guy said, "call it the money bar" and the hippy said,
"phishy's pub"...both were rejected and the hobo asked "whats your
wifes name?" The bartender says "Suzie"..the Hobo replied, "We call it
Suzies Legs, on the count of your wife!"
The bartender gives him the beers and awaits him tomorrow. The hobo
sleeps on the bars front doorstep, and a cop comes up to him and says
"Sir, what the hell are you doing here?" The hobo said, "I'm waiting
for Suzies's Legs to open up so I can get a drink!"ACTRESS FARRAH FAWCETT
Good fortune. COMMENT!!
Please spread the meme. Don’t smoke in bed…