P.O.E.T.S.!
PISS ON EVER’THIN’ –
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(Da Rev’s Stand-Up begins after the QUOTES…)
QUOTE / UNQUOTE
”Religion is some people deciding to tell stories for the rest of us, to
us."
[Salman Rushdie]
"I have no spiritual practice. The word spirituality should be banned
from the English language for at least 50 years... Talk about a word that has
lost its meaning! You can't walk your dog without doing it in a 'spiritual
'manner, you can't cook without talking about spirituality!" [Salman Rushdie]
(Thanks to PZ Myers for sharing these and to Kristine Harley, a real
belly-dancer, for the next one...)
"All
creation myths are rubbish. The universe was not created in six days plus one
day for rest... The cosmos was not created by the sparks caused by two udders
rubbed together by cosmic cows..."
[Salman Rushdie] 
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WELL HOWDY, REV’LERS!
All proceeds from this week’s gala have been earmarked for the “Ba'al Busters
of America”...
HOO HAH!! I smell a RANCID CORN DOG!
Is my SOCIAL WORKER here?
I wonder if I ought to tell you about my PREVIOUS LIFE as a COMPLETE STRANGER?
"I kinda like it when a woman makes me buy her a drink or two before going
to bed with me — makes it look like she has standards. At least one of us
should...
There are people who strictly deprive themselves of each and every edible,
drinkable, and smokeable which has in any way acquired a shady reputation. They
pay this price for health. And health is all they get for it. How strange it
is. It is like paying out your whole fortune for a cow that has gone dry.
Who watches “
Where's SANDY DUNCAN? 
Experience is something you don't get until just
after you need it. Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that
comes from
bad judgment.
Beth, I appoint you ambassador to FANTASY ISLAND!!!
There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
I have to go put my next load in the Maytag – but check THIS out:
PZ Myers and the Feministe blog swear anyone who calls his or her self a blogger oughta have a “Friday Random
Ten”. Sure, Da Rev can do that:
HIDEAWAY – FREDDIE KING
CRY, CRY, CRY – JOHNNY CASH
VINCENT BLACK LIGHTNIN’ 1952 – RICHARD THOMPSON
AT LAST – ETTA JAMES
LITTLE QUEENIE – CHUCK BERRY
BABY LET’S PLAY HOUSE - ELVIS
I’M RAGGED BUT I’M RIGHT – WAYLON JENNINGS
TELL THE TRUTH – RAY CHARLES
DON'T SMOKE IN BED – PEGGY LEE
WILLIE & LAURA MAE JONES – TONY JOE WHITE
You, Dear Rev'lers, can share YOUR Random Ten lists in a COMMENT!
THIS JUST ___ IN ! !
BROOKE SHIELDS DELIVERS
Los Angeles (laughfish.com/) -
Actress Brooke Shields gave birth to her second daughter on the same day that Actress Katie
Holmes gave birth to her daughter, Suri. Both babies weighed in at 7
lbs. In a press release, the Tom Cruises said that Suri means
"princess" in Hebrew. Ms. Shields named her daughter Grier
Hammond Henchy. In her press release she said, "My
daughter's name means 'Tom Cruise is an asshole' in Swahili." 
Gallery of the Absurd
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GUESS HU’S COMING TO DINNER?
Washington
(LaughFish.com) - President Bush asked Condoleezza Rice who would be
attending the welcoming ceremony on the White House South Lawn. Said
Condi, "That's right."
Comedian Argus Hamilton offers these musings on the events of the past week:
Chinese President Hu Jintao arrived in this week with several members of his cabinet for a White House meeting. It was
long overdue. After all, George Bush has been the president for five years,
it's about time he met with the owners. 
Chinese President Hu Jintao was heckled by a Chinese reporter at a Rose Garden
ceremony with President Bush on Thursday. It was awkward. He's used to rigidly
screened crowds who never speak out, so President Bush didn't know what to do
either. 
The White House agreed Thursday to allow China
to export chickens to America
despite the outbreak of the deadly bird flu virus in China.
It seems a little reckless. Republicans won't interrupt global trade until
there's a lobster flu virus.
China's
president Hu Jintao was met by President Bush at the White House Thursday with
full honors. The president ordered that twenty-one guns be fired. After the
smoke cleared it was evident that Don Rumsfeld had survived another purge. 
Dick Cheney was loudly booed at the Washington Nationals' home opener Tuesday. He went on the field with three wounded combat veterans and fans booed anyway. This was the first time it ever occurred to Dick Cheney that it is time to fire Rumsfeld.
San Francisco sounded sirens
Tuesday to mark the one hundredth anniversary of the Great San Francisco
Earthquake. San Francisco
has much
to teach the people of New Orleans.
You don't have to promise God you will sin no more in order to rebuild. 
The White House said Monday the Bush administration is preparing for disease
outbreaks and worldwide pandemics. Everybody has their favorite. The president
is hoping that war fever will sweep the nation before bird flu can get its
pants on.
John McCain horrified supporters by agreeing to speak at Jerry Falwell'sLiberty College in Virginia.
What's an Episcopalian doing there? Is he planning to overthrow Jerry Falwell to
show that he's got what it takes to lead the global war on terror?
HERE’S SOMETHIN’ REALLY, REALLY IMPORTANT!
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The Bible Experience began hiring black actors to record an audiotape of
the entire Bible. They haven't cast the role of God. They were going to offer
it to Colin Powell but then they remembered that President Bush doesn't listen
to him.
Pope Benedict denounced the Gospel of Judas, which says Judas
betrayed Jesus Christ at his request. The pope called Judas a false witness and
a double-crossing liar. It's no coincidence that his nickname among the
disciples was "Scooter".
WARNING! PG-34!
DICKSCLIMBER
Da Rev takes no responsibility for distress caused by seeing naked
pictures of your grandmother. 
Vladimir Putin goes to bed one evening and Stalin appears to him in a dream.
Putin asks Stalin for some help with the state of Russian economy, crime,
etc... Stalin says: "Round up and shoot every male between the age of 21 & 30 and then
paint the inside of the Kremlin blue."
Putin asks: "Why blue?"
Stalin chuckles: "I knew you would ask me about the second part first."
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HAPPY BIRTHDAY, LITTLE QUEENIE!
Blonde Caller: "Can you give
me the telephone number for Jack?"
Operator: "I'm sorry, I don't understand who you are talking about".
Blond Caller: "On page 1 section 5, of the user guide it clearly states
that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and
telephone Jack before cleaning.
Now, can you give me the number for Jack?" 
FREE L'IL KIMBERLY JONES!
A dentist ran out of anesthetic just before the last extraction for the
day was scheduled. He gave the nurse a very large needle, instructing her to jab it hard into the
patient's butt when the signal was given, so it would take his attention away
from the tooth extraction. It all happened in an instant. The nurse, patient, and pliers were in place. The signal was given, and the
nurse bayoneted the patient with the needle just as the dentist yanked the
tooth.
Afterwards, the dentist asked, "Hurt much?"
The patient hesitated, "Didn't hardly feel it come out. But, MAN, those
roots were really deep!" 
ACTRESS MARISKA HARGITAY
Then
there's the woman who goes to the dentist. As he leans over to begin working on
her, she grabs his balls. The dentist says, "Madam, I believe you've got a
hold of my privates."
The woman replies, "Yes. We're going to be careful not to hurt each other,
aren't we." 
An
old man goes to the doctor for his yearly physical, his wife tagging along.
When the doctor enters the examination room, he tells the old man, "I need
a urine sample, a stool sample and a sperm sample."
The old man, being hard of hearing, looks at his wife and yells:
"WHAT?"
"What did he say? What's he want?"
His wife yells back, "He needs your underwear." 
Good
fortune. COMMENT!!
Please spread the meme. Don’t smoke in bed…
