P.O.E.T.S. - 060306

PISS ON EVER’THIN’ –
T’DAY’S  SATURDAY, June 3, 2006 (Click on any image to ENLARGE IT!)

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Can you see the TIP JAR from where you sit?

(Da Rev’s STAND-UP begins after the QUOTES…)

QUOTE / UNQUOTE 

"Writing is the only thing that, when I do it, I don't feel I should be doing something else."
[Gloria Steinem (1934~) American Feminist, Journalist, Lecturer]

"Intolerance of ambiguity is the mark of an authoritarian personality." [Theodor Adorno]

"For all our conceits about being the center of the universe, we live in a routine planet of a humdrum star stuck away in an obscure corner ... on an unexceptional galaxy which is one of about 100 billion galaxies. That is the fundamental fact of the universe we inhabit, and it is very good for us to understand that."
[Carl Sagan] 

Bang it out!

WELL HOWDY, REV’LERS!

The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.

We are born naked, wet and hungry, and get slapped on our ass. Then things get worse.

Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

This week we’re donating all the proceeds from this bash to the Waco Community Housing Partnership! PLUS – Da Rev is donating his entire “Little Lulu” comic book collection to the downtown PLASMA CENTER in Willard Ohio.

The appreciation of the average visual graphisticator alone is worth the whole suaveness and decadence which abounds!!

Jerry Mathers, the cute kid who played “Beaver” Cleaver on “Leave It To Beaver” is 58 this week!! CHEESES! I recall watching that series and thinkin’ that little punk kid was too young to hang out with his older brother – who is ALSO younger than me! And HUGH BEAUMONT died in 1982!!

Psychoanalysis?? No thanks I just HAD one… I thought it was going to be a nude rap session!

I’m wearin’ leather pants and I brought my CASIO keyboard – I’m opening for Charo!

Sean, buddy, if you didn’t want me to drink that Jameson’s, why’d you leave it out to mock me from the cupboard under the sink in your kitchen - behind that corrugated box with the Clorox and Windex and Roach Spray wrapped up in a filthy dish towel? Did I say it was MOCKING ME?

PLEASE, Jack – try not to be such a lout. That floozie you’re speakin’ to ain’t a slut, man. She’s just liberated.

If she spills a beer on ya, it counts as foreplay…

Another guy from out of state got busted by the Greene County deputies who pose as teen hotties on the internet. This poor schlub at least had a plausible reason for showin’ up behind a Xenia pizza parlor. He said, “What can I say? She TYPED on a college level!”

The Republican Party is like an egg-sucking dog. They dig under the fence to get to the money and they can’t be cured. With an egg-sucking dog, all you can do is put 'em down…

Rummy-ho, Rummy-hey – how many kids did you murder today?!

YOW! When I think about all the people out there that want to kill me, I’m just so glad I’m in here drinking with my friends. You are my friends, right?

I believe we’ve all had enough to drink. Now let’s have too much!
I MUST be OFF!

THIS JUST ___ IN ! !

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Da Rev has noticed  the "reborn" Dayton Daily News  has taken to running TWO editorial cartoons most days -  one from a liberal viewpoint and one conservative.  CHEESES!! Newspaper editorial pages have been "Hannity and Colmesified."

I have loathed Actor Kelsey Grammer since I discovered that he IS the self-aggrandizing, effete elitist dork that he played on TV. This week Ol’ Kelsey pontificated in the press: “I believe that George Bush has taken a valiant stance in a dangerous time for this country.” [NYDN]

In an exchange with 4-Star U.S General (Ret.) Wes Clark on Fox News in October, 2005, Billow Reilly was bitchin’ about the release of further Abu Ghraib pictures and video.
Billow exclaimed that the release "puts our troops at risk". Clark responded that what's putting the troops at risk is the chain of command letting, or even making, this happen in the first place. Billow was saying that it happens just like this in every war, with Clark rebutting that those were isolated incidents which were court-martialed.

Then Billow fumed: General! You need to look at the MALMEDY MASSACRE in World War Two, and the 82nd Airborne who did it!

The Malmedy massacre? We’ll explain. But first, we need to tell you that Billow raised the SAME example in a debate with Congressman John Murtha and, once again, General Clark Wednesday night!

Thursday night on MSNBC’s COUNTDOWN, Keith Olbermann took Ol’ Billow to task:

The bodies at Malmedy were not found until a month later. There were 84 of them, all, American soldiers. More than half showed gunshot wounds to their heads. Six had received fatal **blows** to the head. Nine were found with their arms still raised **above** their heads.

The fact that O'Reilly got these horrible facts completely backwards -- twice -- offended even his own usually compliant viewers. From his program **Wednesday** night...Wrong answer.

When you're **that** wrong -- when you're defending Nazi War Criminals and pinning their crimes on Americans, and you get **caught** doing so -- **twice** -- you're supposed to say 'I'm sorry, I was wrong'... and then you should shut up for a long time. Instead, Fox **washed** its transcript of O'Reilly's remarks Tuesday -- its website claims O'Reilly said "In **Normandy..." when in fact he said "In **Malmedy**..."

The rewriting of past reporting -- worthy of Orwell -- has now carried over into such on-line transcription services as Burrell's and Factiva. Whatever did or did not happen **later**, in supposed or actual retribution... the victims at Malmedy, were **Americans**, gunned down while surrendering -- by **Nazis** in 1944 -- and again, Tuesday Night and Wednesday Night -- by a false patriot who would rather be loud than right.

"In Malmedy, as you know" Bill O'Reilly **said** Tuesday night, in some indecipherable attempt to defend the events of Haditha, "U.S. forces captured S.S. forces who had their hands in the air and were unarmed and they shot them dead, you know that. That's on the record. And documented."

The victims at Malmedy in December, 1944... were Americans. **Americans** with their hands in the air. **Americans** who were unarmed. That's on the record. And documented.

And their memory deserves better than Bill O'Reilly.

We **all** do.

If looks could kill – and General Clark had been in the same location as Billow – FOX News would be lookin’ for a new anchor to spin the “Factor-Fiction”!

Comedian Argus Hamilton comments on the events of the past week: 

The U.S. Supreme Court ruled Tuesday that government whistle-blowers can't claim First Amendment rights. They can be fired for speaking out. The Bush administration won't rest until the front page of the New York Times consists entirely of recipes and celebrity news.

General Mike Hayden was confirmed as CIA Director last Friday. As NSA Director he invented the president's domestic wiretapping program. The general has never served in live combat, but he has monitored a conference call between the Dixie Chicks.
The Kremlin blasted Dick Cheney Thursday for lecturing Russia for having one-party rule. Perhaps they have a point. Republicans control the White House and Congress and the Judiciary, while the only thing the Democrats control is Doonesbury.

Jake's Blog: Monday was Memorial Day, when millions of Americans stopped to remember soldiers killed in battle and President Bush tried to remember where the Hell he was from 1968 to 1975.

HERE’S SOMETHIN’ REALLY, REALLY IMPORTANT!
ANN
YUP! Da Rev purchased a copy @ Amazon, who tallied it immediately! The Chicks are #1 - & Ah helped!!

ANNA NICOLE SMITH PREGNANT! 

Los Angeles (LaughFish.com) -Former Playboy model, Anna Nicole Smith, has announced on her website that she is pregnant. Her confirmation puts to rest weeks of speculation.  She also announced the name of the father.
"It was Senator Bentsen's dying wish…” 

More from Argus:
The Vatican denounced The Da Vinci Code as heresy on Monday. The film gives people the shivers. The movie's villain is Opus Dei which is a secret Catholic society, and it was directed by Ron Howard who played Opus Taylor on the Andy Griffith Show.

The Da Vinci Code drew record-setting movie audiences this past Memorial Day weekend. It's being boycotted by the Catholic Church. The movie claims Jesus married a hooker, which is what always happens when one of them lets you run a tab.

The Da Vinci Code was branded as heresy by Roman Catholic officials over the weekend in Rome. The movie's premise is illogical. Once the church admitted that the pope aided Hitler, there wasn't much point in hiding a marriage certificate.

The Da Vinci Code topped four hundred million dollars in ticket sales in its second week in release. It got an unexpected boost from reviews. The Southern Baptist Messenger said the movie may incite anti-Catholicism and gave it four stars.

The Australian Adult Entertainment Board asked the government Monday to give brothels an exemption from the smoking ban. They're so insistent. Ever since the hookers found out that one of their own married Jesus, there is no living with them.

Charlie Sheen was blasted by his estranged wife Denise Richards Wednesday in a divorce filing, which said he's addicted to prescription drugs and gambling and online pornography. Those are powerful addictions. It's easier to withdraw from  Iraq. 

WARNING! PG-34!
 
DICKSCLIMBER… DISCLAIMER:
Da Rev takes no responsibility for distress caused by seeing naked pictures of your grandmother.

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A wealthy hospital benefactor was being shown around the hospital. During her tour she passed a room where a male patient was masturbating furiously. "Oh my GOD!" screamed the woman. "That's disgraceful! Why is he doing that?"
The doctor who was leading the tour calmly explained, "I'm very sorry that you were exposed to that, but this man has a serious condition where his testicles rapidly fill with semen, and if he doesn't do that at least five times a day, he'll be in extreme pain and his testicles could easily rupture."
"Oh, well in that case, I guess it's okay," said the woman.
As they passed by the very next room, they saw a male patient laying in bed while a nurse performed oral sex on him. Again, the woman screamed, "Oh my GOD! How can THAT be justified?"
Again the doctor spoke very calmly: "Same illness, better health plan."

Just after the biggest horse race of the year, the horses that came in 2nd and 3rd meet up and discuss the replay of the race. The horse that came in second, a grey horse, tells the other brown horse that he doesn't understand why he lost. "I was winning for most of the race, I got well ahead of everyone else and onto the last straight, when all of a sudden that black horse comes out of nowhere and blows me out of the water! I just don't understand."
Just then, a dog wanders up to the horses and says "Sorry, I couldn't help but overhear your conversation. I noticed that you had that large lead at the start of the race and knew straight away you were going to lose, you need to pace yourself, and because the black horse conserved his energy, but stayed just close enough to you throughout, he was able to beat you on the straight with great ease.”
The dog walks off and the two horses look at each other all confused. There is a short pause and the brown horse says, "HOLY CRAP! A talking dog!!"

A man is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker is wearing an earring. This man knows his co-worker to be a normally conservative fellow, and is curious about his sudden change in fashion. The man walks up to him and says, "I didn't know you were into earrings."
"Don't make such a big deal, it's only an earring," he replies sheepishly.
His friend falls silent for a few minutes, but then his curiosity prods him to say, "So, how long have you been wearing one?"
"Ever since my wife found it in my truck!"

There was once a great actor who could no longer remember his lines. After many years he finds a theatre where they are prepared to give him a chance to shine again. The director says, "This is the most important part, and it has only one line. You walk on to the stage at the opening carrying a rose. You hold the rose to your nose with just one finger and thumb, sniff the rose deeply and then say the line 'Ah, the sweet aroma of my mistress.'"
The actor is thrilled. All day long before the play he's practicing his line over and over again. Finally, the time came. The curtain went up, the actor walked onto the stage, and with great passion delivered the line, "Ah, the sweet aroma of my mistress."
The theatre erupted, the audience was screaming with laughter and the director was steaming! "You bloody fool!" he cried, "You have ruined me!"
The actor was bewildered, "What happened, did I forget my line?"
"No!" screamed the director. "You forgot the rose!"   
ACTRESS TERI GARR

Good fortune. COMMENT!!
Please spread the meme. Don’t smoke in bed…