MINISTER OF RANTS

SEPTEMBER 11, 2001 - UNITED WE STOOD...

Americans have seldom been more united in outrage and patriotic fervor than we were by the Attack on America in 2001. President Bush played the tune we could all march to - to strike al Qaeda wherever they may be found and to overthrow the Taliban government in Afghanistan in retaliation for aiding and abetting the enemy.

The problems arose and the unity began to splinter when the focus became scattered. Instead of pursuing and destroying al Qaeda, the mission morphed into reconstruction of the Afghan government into a Jeffersonian democratic republic, a difficult task at best. It was a mission requiring a long-term strategic commitment of troops on the ground in all the areas of Afghanistan where the warlords and heroin distribution network lay dormant, not dead.

Afghans of various political and cultural inclinations needed to be able to count on the security of the American troop presence in order to encourage foreign investment and gradual conversion from a feudal socio-economic model to a modern entrepreneurial model dependent upon a stable central government, a fair regulatory and taxation system and a judiciary separate from but equal to the executive and legislative functions.

The Bush administration manipulated the emotions of the American public following the attack on America. They co-opted the patriotic fervor. Instead of helping the citizenry to define and try to understand the threats to their security and sense of well-being, the administration waged an all-out propaganda campaign to DISTRACT the American public from Osama's gangsta network and the good work to be finished in Afghanistan - in order to mount an offensive against a sovereign nation's brutal, but effective government.

The DISTRACTION interfered with the logical, relevant, important discussions of security within our borders. I won't let this post descend into another anti-Iraquagmire rant about body counts and wasted treasury. My purpose is to recall our unity of pain, outrage a nd resolve on 9/12/01. Unfortunately, it's dissipated, pissed away in the wind by a cabal of liars and opportunists pulling the strings of a gimlet-eyed weasel who thinks he's the leader of the free world...

P.O.E.T.S - 090906 || HAS IT BEEN 5 YEARS?! OSAMA SAYS IT HAS... STAG BARS... JIMMY CRACKED CORN... SO?... OUR FIRST TV... WHO DISCOVERED AMERICA?... DUBYA TOPPLES ANOTHER GUMMINT... WHERE DO BABIES COME FROM? I MEAN, TOM CRUISE BABIES... ST. CLINTON!

PISS ON EVER’THIN’ –
T’DAY’S SATURDAY, September 2, 2006

(Click on any image to ENLARGE IT!)

(Da Rev’s STAND-UP begins after the quotes…)

BIRTHDAY TRIBUTES This Weekend:

Sid Caesar turned 84. I remember when my wife used to be fascinated with his good looks and well-muscled physique. Hell, I even wanted to run away with Sid Caesar…

The greatest female voice in country music, Patsy Cline would be 74… Singer Pink is 27… Otis Redding would be 65… Guitar icon Joe Perry of Aerosmith is 56… Beautiful Actress-Model Rachel Hunter is 37... The voice that defines country soul, George Jones will be 75 Tuesday… and Tuesday will mark teacher Rick Rupert’s 64th birthday (That’s not old…) Florida Congressman Claude Pepper (D-Fla.) is 106… (You say he’s dead? Well, THAT must be why he hasn’t commented on Katherine Harris’s campaign for the Senate?!)

Has Art helped you understand 9/11?

QUOTE/UNQUOTE

If you wind up with a boring, miserable life because you listened to your mom, your dad, your teacher, your priest or some guy on TV telling you how to do your shit, then YOU DESERVE IT. [ZAPPA]   

So Dubya goes to war because "God" told him to. There's a woman down in Texas who bashed in her kid's skulls for the same reason.
[Ed Krebs] 

We have now reached the point where every goon with a grievance, every bitter bigot, merely has to place the prefix, 'I know this is not politically correct, but...' in front of the usual string of insults in order to be not just safe from criticism, but actually a card, a lad, even a hero. Conversely, to talk about poverty and inequality, to draw attention to the reality that discrimination and injustice are still facts of life, is to commit the sin of political correctness. Anti-PC has become the latest cover for creeps. It is a godsend for every curmudgeon and crank, from fascists to the merely smug.
[Finian O'Toole, The Irish Times, 1994]

WELL HOWDY, REV’LERS!

Welcome to our Patio of Fun in Metro Fairborn, Ohio!

Does everyone have a lifestyle? I'm totally committed to the FESTIVE mode.

No matter what happens here today, somebody will find a way to take it WA-A-AY too seriously.

We’re hoping to be able to send a big check from the proceeds from this week’s STAND-UP to the “Parent-Teacher Covenant of the Underlord”!

Beer has food value but food has no beer value… Uhmmm, we're gonna need more shrimp...

Katie’s already on her third Mint Tulip! Blame it on the Bossa Nova, Baby!

Here’s an update on my traffic stop last weekend. The Greene County Deputy was surly. At first he told me the photo on my driver’s license didn’t look like me. I reminded him that I was SMILING in the photo! I decided to try to intimidate him. “Officer, I’m going to mention your attitude to your shift supervisor!”
He replied, “Yes, Sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don’t think it will help. Oh ... did I mention that I AM the shift supervisor?”

The situation continued downhill with increasing velocity…
“I’m glad to hear the SHERIFF is a good personal friend of yours. At least you know someone who can post your bail.”

Finally, he reached into my 1958 Nash Metropolitan and said, “You didn’t think we give tickets to prominent, upstanding citizens of the community? You’re right, we don’t… Sign here!

Please remind me to grab my sign when I leave. Can you read it from there? It says, “WILL DRINK FOR FOOD!”

She spilled a beer on ya, Russ. That’s foreplay!

I remember that even when I was in 4th grade I questioned things everyone else did without thinking. We were learning folk songs. I asked Sister Wilhelmina Hildegard why - if “Jimmy cracks corn and I don’t care,” why do I have to learn a stupid song about him?

One day the nun called on me to point to North and South America on the giant classroom map. I took the pointer and confidently pointed to the continents, tracing the borders for good measure. When I got back to my seat, she asked, “Can anyone tell us who discovered America?”
Without raising his hand, Dennis answered excitedly, “I know. I know. It was Arthur!”

My uncle owned a stag bar and pool room in Wilmington, Ohio when I was a kid. I think I was about 6 when I asked him why he had a “Ladies Restroom” in his stag bar. He turned away, told the bartender to fix me a hotdog and hurried into the back room. As an adult, I went into other stag bars a couple of times, and I always noticed that there was a “Ladies Room”…

When I was a little kid in the ‘40s, my Dad was always tellin’ me stuff that we’d have in the near future – like “television”. Television? Dad explained that it would be a different kind of radio which would let people at home see what the studio audience is not laughing at.

I think we got our first TV – a "Traveler" with a 16” screen - when I was 9. We had the biggest screen in the neighborhood. Some of our neighbors had TV a couple years or so before we did – but my Dad wouldn’t be satisfied with a 12” screen. Television, now as then, no matter how large the screen or the proliferation of channels is still basically a device that permits people who haven't anything to do - to watch people who can't do anything…

I CAN see the forest for the trees. It's frustrating when you know all the answers - But nobody bothers to ask you the questions. What’s a question with no answer called? I know, but I’m not going to tell you…

I met a guy who says he and his family are strict “Agnostic Witnesses”. “Huh?” I asked.
He says that every Saturday morning the family members put on their best clothes and go knocking on doors, but they don’t know why…

JUST WHEN Y’ THINK THERE ARE NO MORE COMMIE JOKES:
Three North Korean prisoners get to talking about why they are there. "I am here because I always got to work five minutes late, and the Beloved Leader’s security forces charged me with sabotage," says the first.
"I am here because I kept getting to work five minutes early, and the Beloved Leader’s security police charged me with spying," says the second.
"I am here because I got to work on time every day," says the third, "and they charged me with owning an American watch."

Now you’ve had your “hammer & tickle”. It’s time for me to go out and BURN RUBBER! Danny, please bring my 1958 two-tone Nash Metropolitan around – WITH the TOP down!

THIS JUST ___ IN!!

Bang It Out! 1) "The Israel-Hezbollah ceasefire is holding up better than anyone had ever imagined."
2) Is that a Katusha in your pocket or are you just glad to see me?

SAINT CLINTON!

He felt our pain. Bring Saint Clinton into your home.

An all new ABC pseudo-historical COMEDY mini-series will air the disclaimer, “The film you are about to see has been modified to fit your perceived cultural biases.” [Swedes for Obama]
STOP IT! SIGN THE PETITION!

LENO: The Iranian Minister of Health has announced they have a cure for AIDS. I’m guessing the key ingredient is enriched uranium...

Over in England, Prime Minister Tony Blair has decided he will step down in May. Looks like President Bush has toppled another foreign government.

Comedian Argus Hamilton has provided us with these musings on the week's events:
ABC airs a movie called The Path to 9-11 starring Harvey Keitel tonight. It blames the World Trade Center attack on Bill Clinton. Now that Karl Rove doesn't have to worry about going to prison he's back at his desk hammering out screenplays.
STOP IT! SIGN THE PETITION!

President Bush said there are some parts of the world where people don't like us. That doesn't narrow it down. The only country still speaking to us is our Mother Country, and they're making documentaries that fantasize about his assassination!

The White House dismissed calls for Don Rumsfeld's resignation. Officials say that Democrats are just trying to turn the defense secretary into a bogeyman. Eventually everybody who worked for Richard Nixon turns into a popular Halloween mask.

From Jake Novak's Comedy Corner:
Rumsfeld Surgery
Secretary of State Donald Rumsfeld underwent elective shoulder surgery Tuesday. Most doctors felt the injury could have been better treated with physical therapy, but Rumsfeld insisted on going in and cutting everything up.

Medicare Chief Quitting
Medicare and Medicaid chief Dr. Mark McClellan reportedly intends to resign. McClellan had to quit, because after two years of trying, even HE can't figure out Medicare Part D.
I wonder if it’s easier to find a bureaucrat to accept his resignation than it is to find a doctor who accepts Medicare.

"Path to 9/11" Protest
Several former Clinton administration officials are lodging formal protests against the new ABC miniseries, "The Path to 9/11." Oh sure, they have a problem with some of the allegations concerning terrorism, but they're more upset that there aren't enough sex scenes.
STOP IT! SIGN THE PETITION!


HERE’S SOMETHIN’ REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT!

Suri (With The Fringe On Top)
Makes Debut
Los Angeles, CA (LaughFish.com) - She is said to have her mother's eyes and her father's(?) intellect. 
KATIE HOLMES:
"I FELT A SMALL PRICK - THEN 10 MONTHS LATER THERE WAS THIS BABY!"
Gallery of the Absurd

More from Argus Hamilton:
CBS News anchor Bob Schieffer said farewell on Thursday to make way for Katie Couric's debut tonight. That's showbiz. Bob Schieffer brought credibility, common sense, dignity, experience, humor and good judgment to the broadcast, so he had to go.

CNN anchor Kyra Phillips went to the bathroom with her microphone on during President Bush's speech last week. The network had to apologize. They broadcast the flushing sound just as the president called on Congress for more money for Iraq.

WARNING!

RATED PG-34! 

 A woman needed more space in which to hang her clothing, so she went into an unfinished wood furniture store and bought a wardrobe kit for her bedroom. She took it home and put it together. The trouble was that she lived near a train track and whenever a train came past the wardrobe collapsed. She went back to the store and complained, so a repair man came from the store to see what the problem was. He came in and was there just in time to see the train pass and the wardrobe collapse. He decided to rebuild the cupboard and sit inside it to see if he could stop it from collapsing.
He built it again and just as he got inside the woman's husband got home. The husband came into the bedroom and saw the cupboard. He opened it and the repair man was sitting inside. "What are you doing here?" he said angrily.
The repair man replied "You're not gonna believe me but I'm waiting for a train!" 

 

THIS LI'L PLAYBOY BUNNY'S NAME IS G-L-O-R-I-A-! ... You know, Steinem...

There are two poorly-educated rural black men and a rural home- schooled white man, all from South Alabama, walking through the woods. They come to this cave and one of the black fellas goes, "WOOT WOOT," and then there was an echo, "WOOT WOOT."
So the black man ran in.
"What was that?" said the white man.
The second poorly-educated black guy explains thats how black country folks mate. He say, "You go WOOT WOOT into a cave and if there's an echo, there is a woman in the cave all ready to mate."
They come upon another cave and the black man hollers, "WOOT WOOT."
He hears an echo and runs in. All alone the homeschooled white man comes upon the big and darkest cave he's ever seen. He remembered his black companion's instructions and shouts, "WOOT WOOT." He hears an echo and then takes off all his clothes and runs in. The next day in the Mobile paper the headline states: NAKED WHITE MAN HIT BY TRAIN!

ACTRESSES GINA GERSHON & DREA DIMATTEO...
It  was a small town and the patrolman was making his evening rounds. As he was checking Honest John’s used car lot, he came upon  two little old ladies sitting in a used  car! He stopped and asked them why they were sitting there in the car. Were  they trying to steal it?
"Heavens  no, we bought  it."

"Then why  don't you drive it away."
"We can't  drive."
"Then why  did you buy it?"
"We were  told that if we bought a used car from Honest John we'd get screwed… so we're just  waiting."

Two men walk into a bar ...OUCH!!... One of the men finds a mirror on the floor looks into it and says to his friend. "I recognize him from somewhere".
His friend takes the mirror out of his hands and says, "That's ME, you idiot."

Artist: May Ixing
A Frenchman, an Englishman and a New Yorker were exploring the jungle and were captured by a fierce tribe. As they sit in a hut, awaiting their fate, the chief comes to them and says, "The bad news is that now that we've caught you, we're going to kill you, and then use your skins to build a canoe. The good news is that you get to choose how you die."
The Frenchman says, "I take ze poison." The chief gives him some poison, the Frenchman says, "Vive la France!" and drinks it down.
The Englishman says, "A pistol for me, please." The chief gives him a pistol, he points it at his head, says, "God save the queen!" and blows his brains out.
The New Yorker says, "Gimme a fork." The chief is puzzled, but he shrugs and gives him a fork. The New Yorker takes the fork and starts jabbing himself all over -- the stomach, the sides, the chest, everywhere.
There's blood gushing out all over, it's horrible. The chief is appalled, and screams, "What are you doing???"
The New Yorker leans into the chief's face and says, "So much for your canoe,  Asshole!"

Good fortune. COMMENT!!
Please spread the meme. Don’t smoke in bed…

RIGHT WING NETWORK BEHIND ABC/DISNEY'S 9/11 DECEPTION!

(BTW - The Monday episode will feature a 20-minute "commercial" featuring President Bush. It looks like Rove is implementing Himmler's media playbook...)

Discover the Secret Right-Wing Network
Behind ABC's 9/11 Deception
    By Max Blumenthal - Truth Out

    Friday 08 September 2006

    Less than 72 hours before ABC's "The Path to 9/11" is scheduled to   air, the network is suddenly under siege. On Tuesday, ABC was forced to concede   that "The Path to 9/11" is "a dramatization, not a documentary."   The film deceptively invents scenes to depict former President Bill Clinton's   handling of the Al Qaeda threat.

    Now, ABC claims to be is editing those false sequences to satisfy critics so   the show can go on - even if it still remains a gross distortion of history.   And as it does so, ABC advances the illusion that the deceptive nature of "The   Path to 9/11" is an honest mistake committed by a hardworking but admittedly   fumbling team of well-intentioned Hollywood professionals who wanted nothing   less than to entertain America. But this is another Big Lie.

    In fact, "The Path to 9/11" is produced and promoted by a well-honed   propaganda operation consisting of a network of little-known right-wingers working   from within Hollywood to counter its supposedly liberal bias. This is the network   within the ABC network. Its godfather is far right activist David Horowitz,   who has worked for more than a decade to establish a right-wing presence in   Hollywood and to discredit mainstream film and TV production. On this project,   he is working with a secretive evangelical religious right group founded by   The Path to 9/11's director David Cunningham that proclaims its goal to "transform   Hollywood" in line with its messianic vision.

    Before The Path to 9/11 entered the production stage, Disney/ABC contracted   David Cunningham as the film's director. Cunningham is no ordinary Hollywood   journeyman. He is in fact the son of Loren Cunningham, founder of the right-wing   evangelical group Youth With A Mission (YWAM). The young Cunningham helped found   an auxiliary of his father's group called The Film Institute (TFI), which, according   to its mission statement, is "dedicated to a Godly transformation and revolution   TO and THROUGH the Film and Televisionindustry." As part of TFI's long-term   strategy, Cunningham helped place interns from Youth With A Mission's "global   training network" in film industry jobs "so that they can begin to   impact and transform Hollywood from the inside out," according to a YWAM   report.

    Last June, Cunningham's TFI announced it was producing its first film, mysteriously   titled "Untitled History Project." "TFI's first project is a   doozy," a newsletter to YWAM members read. "Simply being referred   to as: The Untitled History Project, it is already being called the television   event of the decade and not one second has been put to film yet. Talk about   great expectations!" (A web edition of the newsletter was mysteriously   deleted yesterday but has been cached on Google at the link above).

    The following month, on July 28, the New York Post reported that ABC was filming   a mini-series "under a shroud of secrecy" about the 9/11 attacks.   "At the moment, ABC officials are calling the miniseries 'Untitled Commission   Report' and producers refer to it as the 'Untitled History Project,'" the   Post noted.

    Early on, Cunningham had recruited a young Iranian-American screenwriter named   Cyrus Nowrasteh to   write the script of his secretive "Untitled" film. Not only is Nowrasteh   an outspoken conservative, he is also a fervent member of the emerging network   of right-wing people burrowing into the film industry with ulterior sectarian   political and religious agendas, like Cunningham.

    Nowrasteh's conservatism was on display when he appeared as a featured speaker   at the Liberty Film Festival (LFF), an annual event founded in 2004 to premier   and promote conservative-themed films supposedly too "politically incorrect"   to gain acceptance at mainstream film festivals. This June, while The Path to   9/11 was being filmed, LFF founders Govindini Murty and Jason Apuzzo - both   friends of Nowrasteh - announced they were "partnering" with right-wing   activist David Horowitz. Indeed, the 2006 LFF is listed as "A Program of   the David Horowitz Freedom Center."

    Since the inauguration of Bill Clinton in 1992, Horowitz has labored to create   a network of politically active conservatives in Hollywood. His Hollywood nest   centers around his Wednesday Morning Club, a   weekly meet-and-greet session for Left Coast conservatives that has been graced   with speeches by   the likes of Newt Gingrich, Victor Davis Hanson and Christopher Hitchens. The   group's headquarters are at the offices of Horowitz's Center for the Study of   Popular Culture, a "think tank" bankrolled for years with millions   by right-wing sugardaddies like eccentric far right billionaire Richard Mellon   Scaife. (Scaife   financed the Arkansas Project, a $2.3 million dirty tricks operation that included   paying sources for   negative stories about Bill Clinton that turned out to be false.)

    With the LFF now under Horowitz's control, his political machine began drumming   up support for Cunningham and Nowrasteh's "Untitled" project, which   finally was revealed in late summer as "The Path to 9/11." Horowitz's   PR blitz began with an August 16 interview with Nowrasteh on his FrontPageMag   webzine. In the interview, Nowrasteh foreshadowed the film's assault on Clinton's   record on fighting terror. "The 9/11 report details the Clinton's administration's   response - or lack of response - to Al Qaeda and how this emboldened Bin Laden   to keep attacking American interests," Nowrasteh told FrontPageMag's Jamie   Glazov. "There simply was no response. Nothing."

    A week later, ABC hosted LFF co-founder Murty and several other conservative   operatives at an advance   screening of The Path to 9/11. (While ABC provided 900 DVDs of the film to conservatives,   Clinton administration officials and objective reviewers from mainstream outlets   were denied them.) Murty returned with a glowing review for FrontPageMag that   emphasized the film's partisan nature. "'The Path to 9/11' is one of the   best, most intelligent, most pro-American miniseries I've ever seen on TV, and   conservatives should support   it and promote it as vigorously as possible," Murty wrote. As a result   of the special access granted by ABC, Murty's article was the first published   review of The Path to 9/11, preceding those by the New York Times and LA Times   by more than a week.

    Murty followed her review with a blast email to conservative websites such   as Liberty Post and Free Republic on September 1 urging their readers to throw   their weight behind ABC's mini-series. "Please do everything you can to   spread the word about this excellent miniseries," Murty wrote, "so   that 'The Path to 9/11' gets the highest ratings possible when it airs on September   10 & 11! If this show gets huge ratings, then ABC will be more likely to   produce pro-American movies and TV shows in the future!"

    Murty's efforts were supported by Appuzo, who handles LFF's heavily-trafficked   blog, Libertas. Appuzo was instrumental in marketing The Path to 9/11 to conservatives,   writing in a blog post on September 2, "Make no mistake about what this   film does, among other things: it places the question of the Clinton Administration's   culpability for the 9/11 attacks front and center ... Bravo to Cyrus Nowrasteh   and David   Cunningham for creating this gritty, stylish and gripping piece of entertainment."

    When a group of leading Senate Democrats sent a letter to ABC CEO Robert Iger   urging him to cancel The Path to 9/11 because of its glaring factual errors   and distortions, Apuzzo launched a retaliatory campaign to paint the Democrats   as foes of free speech. "Here at LIBERTAS we urge the public to make noise   over this, and to demand that Democrats back down," he wrote on September   7th. "What is at stake is nothing short of the 1st Amendment."

    At FrontPageMag, Horowitz singled out Nowrasteh as the victim. "The attacks   by former president Bill Clinton, former Clinton Administration officials and   Democratic US senators on Cyrus Nowrasteh's ABC   mini-series "The Path to 9/11" are easily the gravest and most brazen   and damaging governmental attacks on the civil liberties of ordinary Americans   since 9/11," Horowitz declared.

    Now, as discussion grows over the false character of The Path to 9/11, the   right-wing network that brought it to fruition is ratcheting up its PR efforts.   Murty will appear tonight on CNN's Glenn Beck   show and The Situation Room, according to Libertas in order to respond to "the   major disinformation campaign now being run by Democrats to block the truth   about what actually happened during the Clinton years."

    While this network claims its success and postures as the true victims, the   ABC network suffers a PR catastrophe. It's almost as though it was complacent   about an attack on its reputation by a band of political terrorists.

(When can we expect to see the movie blaming Clinton for the failure of the Iraq War?!?)

"PATH TO 911" A COMEDY... A "DRAMATIZATION" AS TOLD TO THE SLEAZEY MEDIA WHORES @ DISNEY/ABC BY A BUNCH OF LYING WING-NUTS!

STOP IT! SIGN THE PETITION!

Harvey Keitel spoke out on Showbiz Tonight about the controversy DISNEY/ABC’s COMEDY "Path to 9/11" has caused.

Keitel who stars in the “dramatization” said:

Yeah, I had questions about events – material I was given in the Path to 9/11 that I did raise questions about. Yes, I had some conflicts there… When I received the script it said “ABC history project” – I took it to be exactly what they presented to me. History… It turned out not all the facts were correct…

Showbiz Tonight Q: Do you feel that anything should be changed in this film?

Yes I do. This is a tough issue.– (sure) You can compile certain things as long as the truth remains the truth. You can’t put things together, compress them and then distort the reality.

Former Secretary of State Madeleine Albright, former National Security Adviser Sandy Berger, Clinton Foundation head Bruce Lindsey and

Clinton

adviser Douglas Band wrote in the past week to Robert Iger, CEO of ABC's parent The Walt Disney

Co.

, to express concern over the COMEDY "The Path to 9/11."

JUST STOP IT!! SIGN THE PETITION!

Questionable things about DISNEY/ABC's COMEDY "Path to 9/11" from Jake Novak...

*Secretary of State Madeline Albright is being played by Lindsay Lohan.
*Obnoxious laugh track plays every time Osama bin Laden appears on camera.
*Plot makes less sense than the first season of "Lost"…
*It's sponsored by HALLIBURTON!

SIGN THE PETITION! (Don't make me come over there!!)


SAINT CLINTON!
He felt your pain.
Now you can bring Saint Clinton into your home.

BLAMING THE UNIONS FOR EVERYTHING!... PEOPLE GET READY - CHANGE IS COMING...

Those who are oblivious to history will inevitably be swept up in the replay of revolutions past. It's all happened before, though each time it happens again it shocks the participants, particularly the ones who end up with less power or wealth. Whatever method of conflict resolution one may subscribe to, obstinate resistance and reaction provoke confrontation, then conflict. Change may come in the form of upheaval, "the turning of the worm", the prey captures the hunter, the slave takes over the plantation. Revolutionary moments in our young republic have been few in number and some important changes have been achieved with little or no violence and minimal disruption to the conduct of usual activities and pursuits.

Scratch a union-basher and you'll see either the blue ooze of the rich, or the green ick that flows through the veins of  their accommodating toadies - those who have bought the lie that the PRODUCERS are responsible for the American Dream we're all so fortunate to share. Many among the less-affluent masses can be counted on to echo the elitist lines that blame labor for the jobs that have been outsourced to sub-wage foreigners here and abroad, along with stagnant wages, diminishing benefits and ripped-off pensions.

While they may be aware of the corrupt practices that have bankrupted large employers, and may even suspect that the gummint's globalist trade policies reward the stockholding elites as workers are constrained or tossed away like so much rust-belt debris -  they repeat the line, "The unions have outlived their usefulness" - without knowing what  it may mean or where they  picked up such a notion.

How could American workers be expected to know that even in countries with progressive gummint policies toward labor - the workers NEED their unions. They see the barren terrain, but they're blamin' the wrong gang for choppin' all the trees.

Three decades of antagonistic anti-union legislation have left American wage-workers with the aforementioned stagnant wages, diminishing benefits and ripped-off pensions. We're no longer living and working under democratic capitalism - but a gummint-enabled radical capitalism that has undermined the present and the future for too many wage-workers.

Today's capitalists aren't even "l'aissez faire" - which assumes a level playing field, equal access to markets and opportunities, and fair exchange between workers and owners. The unions didn't destroy economic democracy in America - they NEVER enjoyed that kind of power!

Confrontation of the status quo leads to conflict which is necessary for change.  Justice is usually not attainable except through conflict. In 1929, many among the elites and profiteers found themselves abruptly thrown into dire straits, living hand-to-mouth, and wondering why the masses, the working and the unemployed, treated them as pariahs, petitioning for union representation and fair regulations and taxes on the capitalist class.

What goes around comes around. It's a law of history...

CALLING THEM ISLAMO-FASCISTS?!... BLAME IT ON MONOTHEISM...

CALL 'EM WHAT YOU WILL...
Y' gotta differentiate 'em in the public mind from all the OTHER MUSLIMS!

I realize that the term Islamo-Fascism has been co-opted by the neo-cons, BUSHCO, and other apologists for the War for Empire , Oil and Corporate Interests – and it is applied by SOME in a cavalier manner that unfairly characterizes one of the three Abrahamic religions - but, damn it, I haven’t been able to coin or discover a BETTER term than Islamo-Fascism that aptly describes the violent Islamic forces arrayed against the West AND the world.

We all worried about the safety of the brilliant writer Salman Rushdie who was forced underground by the official pronouncement of a death sentence by the Ayatollah because of perceived “blasphemy” against the Prophet and Islam. In The Netherlands, documentary filmmaker Theo Van Gogh lost his life for making a film about Islam. There were calls for death for artists who dared to depict the Prophet Muhammad in editorial cartoons in Denmark.

I find the wishy-washy approach to the issue of violent and intolerant Islam by some critics on the left naïve, if not irresponsible. Extremist Islam is more than a phantom created by the neo-cons and BUSHCO as an expedient bogeyman to frighten the electorate and gain support for increased military spending and foreign adventures.

This is not to say that Islamic peoples all over the world are not diverse and even involved in various movements to REFORM Islam – such as feminist movements and youth organizations in Western countries. My focus is not on Islam, but the imminent threat to world peace and to our Western Civilization from Islamists (the academic term for Islamic extremists). They are a few powerful and wealthy groups that are using a perverted interpretation of the Qu’ran, the history of exploitation of the Middle East by Western countries in the 20^th Century AND the unpopular 3-year occupation of Iraq to recruit larger numbers of adherents. Their oft-reiterated goal is global jihad, not merely proselytizing to win converts to Islam, but the subjugation of every nation to the oppressive Laws of Sharia – which are believed by adherents to be divinely ordained, concrete and timeless for all relevant situations.

Islam has a history as a violent, intolerant, oppressive religion that was spread at the tip of the sword, riding on the backs of horses that poured out of Arabia. The same may be said be of other religions, Christianity in particular, but Christianity and Judaism reformed. With few exceptions, Christians, Jews and others don’t follow ancient laws and customs as directed “by God” as most Muslims feel obliged to do. For example, Islam today is the only religion that has Apostasy as crime worthy of capital punishment!

Like Christianity, Islam is aggressively proselytizing religion - intent on converting the whole world into Islam and reconstituting the Caliphate. Extremist Islam is at war with EVERYONE - not just the West. Everywhere non-Muslims and Muslims come into contact, there’s strife. Why is that? The answer is - Islam needs REFORMATION or it’ll continue to react violently to a world where the modernists accept socio-cultural change, diversity and personal freedoms.



BLAME IT ON MONOTHEISM...

For purposes of this discussion – monotheism refers to the three Abrahamic religions. Ahh, there's the rub! Belief in The One True God promotes single-mindedness, obsession, totalitarianism, and conflict.

On top of that - Islam is rooted in a part of the world that rejects modernism (while embracing Western tools and technology). The governments and the religious dictators of the Islamic peoples continue to resist political and economic changes that have propelled the Western world to such an advanced sphere of global influence, as well as unprecedented levels of individual autonomy and broad distribution of material wealth as a reward for work.

The one thing that the fundamentalists fear and vehemently oppose is individual freedom, including the constitutional cornerstone of the U.S. Constitution - separation of religion and government. Islam needs to go through an Enlightenment!

 

"YOU'RE EITHER WITH US - OR YOU'RE WITH THE TERRORISTS..." - CRITICISM OF THE PRESIDENT - DURING WAR?!

PRESIDENT TEDDY ROOSEVELT - our SECOND-GREATEST Republican President - in an editorial he wrote for the "Kansas City Star" during World War I:

"The President is merely the most important among a large number of public servants. He should be supported or opposed exactly to the degree which is warranted by his good conduct or bad conduct, his efficiency or inefficiency in rendering loyal, able, and disinterested service to the Nation as a whole.

Therefore it is absolutely necessary that there should be full liberty to tell the truth about his acts, and this means that it is exactly necessary to blame him when he does wrong as to praise him when he does right. Any other attitude in an American citizen is both base and servile.

To announce that there must be no criticism of the President, or that we are to stand by the President, right or wrong, is not only unpatriotic and servile, but is morally treasonable to the American public. Nothing but the truth should be spoken about him or any one else. But it is even more important to tell the truth, pleasant or unpleasant, about him than about any one else."

"BULLY!"

"Roosevelt in the Kansas City Star" - May 7, 1918

 

WES CLARK: A JUDGMENT ON IRAQ...

General Wes Clark's recent Op-Ed in the Wall Street Journal:
A Judgment on Iraq (EXCERPT from Securing America )
- By Wesley K. Clark

… The truth is that Democrats are as patriotic as Republicans, want a strong and secure America, and like every other American, want to trust the president and his team on national security issues. And perhaps, being in Washington, associating with the administration and lawmakers of the other party, it’s been more difficult for elected Democrats to sense the mounting rage in much of the electorate over the failures of President Bush’s policies, and especially the seemingly never-ending war in Iraq, and his blatant partisanship.

…The public doesn’t have to live with the reminders of old sentiments, jingoistic pronouncements, or votes in the House or Senate. Instead, the public is free to observe, listen and judge. And that judgment has been passed, especially on Iraq: The war was a mistake. Flawed intelligence, overly optimistic planning (or in some cases, none at all) and grandiose geostrategic designs, hyperinflated rhetoric about democracy, and perhaps raw political advantage. Whatever. The public hasn’t quite sorted it out—but they know a failure when they see one. And Iraq, as well as the larger Middle East policy, is such a failure.

Iraq isn’t Vietnam. America can’t just walk away without horrendous consequences. But “stay the course” isn’t a strategy. And the longer the bleeding goes on there, the harder the electorate will dig for answers—and the tougher they’ll be on those who got us in, and aided, abetted and apologized for them.

…The Republicans will suggest that Democrats aren’t up to it. They’ll play the terrorist-threat card, hope for a few more messages of bin Laden, and ask whether an antiwar party can be trusted to keep America safe. But this is just the spin. The truth is the Democratic Party—elected leaders, party regulars and the big-time donors—pretty much agree on the failures of the administration, and even on the policies that need to be adopted, like stronger diplomacy and more reliance on allies and international organizations, coupled with a willingness to fully fund, rearm, strengthen and use America’s armed forces… Now Democrats have to be able to stand toe-to-toe against Republicans and their failing policies on national security.

…the growing public awareness provides Democrats the opportunity to reshape our party to help America meet the challenges ahead. For Republicans, it signals the end of using patriotism to cover up for persistent failures to deal effectively with pressing national security issues.

Securing America

 

QUESTION: ARE LIBERALS ANTI-SEMITIC?... CAN LIBERALS BE AGAINST THE OCCUPATION OF IRAQ AND BE PRO-ISRAEL?... IT'S TIME FOR JOE TO GO...

Answer: Not THIS liberal... 

(MoveOn.org) SITE'S ANTI-JEWISH SLURS

By Maggie Haberman @ New York Post (EXCERPT)

September 5, 2006 - A string of anti-Semitic rants about Sen. Joe Lieberman have popped up on the liberal MoveOn.org's open forum Web site, drawing criticism from the Anti-Defamation League. It's the latest flap in the contentious race between Lieberman, who is running as an independent to keep his seat in Connecticut, and upstart Ned Lamont, the Democratic nominee.

"We recognize that Action Forum is an open forum intended to foster the free flow of ideas," ADL head Abraham Foxman said in a letter dated Aug. 31 to MoveOn, which supported Lamont in the Democratic primary against Lieberman. "Nevertheless, since such profoundly offensive content is appearing on a board clearly linked to MoveOn.org, we believe you should assume some responsibility to respond to this hateful content," Foxman wrote in the letter, which was forwarded by Lieberman's campaign.

Foxman cited examples from the site's Action Forum, including "media owning Jewish pigs," "Zionazis," a reference to the senator as "Jew Lieberman" and the question, "Why are the Jews so Jew-y?"

...in a statement posted on the MoveOn site Saturday, Eli Pariser, executive director of the MoveOn Political Action Committee condemned the anti-Semitic rants...

SO - ARE LIBERALS ANTI-SEMITIC?
A) Not THIS liberal... 

O' course, SOME o' the more extreme lefties in Hollywood, among political activists, in Academia, and on some "liberal" internet forums can be counted among the often shrill voices attacking Israel's right as a sovereign nation to defend itself. And I find it disturbing to see and hear folks that I agree with politically on a broad range of political, economic and socio-cultural issues parroting the same anti-Zionist propaganda as the Prime Minister of Iran, Osama bin Laden, angry Islamist clerics and terrorist leaders sworn to kill all Western "infidels" - along with all Jews.

Editor-Publisher Mort Zuckerman has written:

Just as historic anti-Semitism has denied individual Jews the right to live as equal members of society, anti-Zionism would deny the collective expression of the Jewish people, the State of Israel, the right to live as an equal member of the family of nations.

The USA is a democracy. So is Israel. Citizens in both countries have the right to criticize Israel's policies - as they do. However, how much slack should be accorded critics who would deny Israel's sovereignty as a nation or even Israel's right to exist? I'm sorry - but I see most pro-Palestinian (and pro-Hezbollah, pro-Hamas) voices in this country, in Europe and in the Middle East as merely parrots repeating anti-Zionist propaganda, misrepresentations and lies. When so-called liberals ally themselves with political and religious extremists who seek the destruction of Israel - they are Anti-Semitic - whether they utter the obscene epithets or couch their hateful purposes in scholarly or polite rhetoric.

I think it's important for liberals to take a stand against the lefty Anti-Semitics. Call attention to them. We must differentiate our views concerning Israel's sovereignty and its right to self-defense from the cacophony of angry Anti-Semite voices among tenured, fuzzy-thinking profs in Ivory Towers or the UN Security Council.

As uncomfortable as it is for me, I find myself occasionally on the same page with apologists for BUSHCO's disastrous occupation of Iraq. Like the pretendent - they can't find the political courage to step away from the unforgivable lie that equates the occupation of Iraq and the resultant civil war in that country with the "War on Terror" - AND they stand four-square behind Israel. In addition, it's disturbing that the self-proclaimed greatest friends of Israel these days are the apocalypto-fundies who are hoping the Israelis and their enemies will usher in the "Rapture" - in which no Jews will be transported to heaven, thank you very much!

The war criminals in the administration and their supporters exhibit a dangerous disconnect from reality - because they fail to see the increasingly chaotic situation in Iraq, for which we are responsible. I'm waiting for the Dem runnin' for president who will announce:

THEY'RE fighting EACH OTHER over there so WE don't have to fight them HERE - OR OVER THERE! We're outta there!!

AS FOR LIEBERMAN? IT'S TIME FOR JOE T' GO!!

I'm on record as early as last year calling for  a  viable primary opponent to take Joe out. Joe Lieberman is 90% on core Democratic issues - but he's been drinkin' the neo-con Kool-Aid along with Generalissimo W. Bunnypants, The Dick Cheney and Rummy since the administration first began to plant the seeds for continual War for Empire and Oil, beginning with the installation of a friendly gummint in Iraq - then on to Syria  and/or Iran and on and on.

Even NOW - Joe SO wants to believe in the neo-con pipe dream of a Middle East reconstituted with pro-Western, pro-Israel representative democracies - not to mention, unrestricted oil and profits for cronies of Bush, Cheney and,  I have no doubt, Joe Lieberman.

Ned Lamont won the Connecticut Dem primary - but Joe insists the people want to keep him in Washington. Of course, I'm pullin' for LaMont to take the seat - but even if Lieberman wins the general election, the outcome is a win-win for Democrats. Either Independent Lieberman or New Dem LaMont will be voting with the the Democrats as a bloc. There'll be no "pickup" for the Repugs - and I can live with that...

P.O.E.T.S. - 090206 || LABOR DAY? Take the day off! ... R. Crumb's Birthday... Welcome to Metro Fairborn... Yes, SWALLOW... Peaceful Muslim Demonstrators and other humor... Goin' Down, Bree?... FREE PORNO CLIPS! ... G'DAY, MATE! LOOK! A STINGRAY!

PISS ON EVER’THIN’ –
T’DAY’S SATURDAY, September 2, 2006

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CELEBRATE LABOR DAY!  (Yes, take the  day OFF!)

  Disclaimer: No trees were harmed in posting this blog entry - however, a significant number of electrons were inconvenienced.



Rev. Art & Da Pagan Baby will celebrate their wedding anniversary Tuesday, September 5. The NUMBER? ONLY 45…
(In December, the couple plans a Second Honeymoon aboard The NATION Magazine Carribean Cruise with a bunch of lefty pundits & celebs. (Their FIRST Honeymoon? Newport, Kentucky!)

(Da Rev’s STAND-UP begins after the quotes…)

UNSUBSCRIBED: Crocodile Hunter Steve Irwin (Animal Planet TV) sustained a mortal chest wound from a stingray barb while diving... Irwin usually fared well in encounters with reptiles... usually...   

Irwin, 44, was a dedicated and valuable voice for conservation.

BIRTHDAY TRIBUTES This Weekend:

Artist: R. Crumb
Underground cartoonist (ZAP Comix, Mr. Natural, Fritz the Cat…) – recording artist (“My Girl’s Pussy”) Robert Crumb, 63;

Political humorist (and fellow NATION Cruiser) Molly Ivins, 62;

Actress-Comedian Lily Tomlin; 67; Financier-Philanthropist Warren Buffett, 76; Actor Richard Gere, 57; Actress Salma Hayek, 38; Singer Beyonce Knowles, 24; Actress Raquel Welch, 66; Singer-Dancer Actress Mitzi Gaynor, 75; Hall of  Fame Baseball Player-Manager Frank Robinson, 71; TV-NPR Journalist Daniel Schorr, 90; Steelers All-Time Best Quarterback-Announcer-Actor Terry Bradshaw, 58; Actress Valerie Perrine, 62; Western Swing singer-guitarist- songwriter Hank Thompson is 81; Outlaw country singer-songwriter Tompall Glaser is 71.

QUOTE/UNQUOTE

"I arise in the morning torn between a desire to improve (or save) the world and a desire to enjoy (or savor) the world. This makes it hard to plan the day." [E.B. White]
 
"The true rule, in determining to embrace, or reject any thing, is not whether it have any evil in it; but whether it have more of evil, than of good. There are few things wholly evil, or wholly good. Almost every thing, especially of governmental policy, is an inseparable compound of the two; so that our best judgment of the preponderance between them is continually demanded." [Abraham Lincoln]
 
"Extremism in the defense of liberty is no vice. Moderation in the pursuit of justice is no virtue." [Barry Goldwater]

I dress for women, and undress for men. [Actress Angie Dickinson]  

WELL HOWDY, REV’LERS!

Welcome once again to our little slice of paradise here in Metro Fairborn, Ohio. If you get a chance to look at any of the old Soviet-era military maps of the USA – Fairborn really stands out! It's the NUMBER TWO nuclear target – since it's a bedroom community to the NUMBER ONE target – Wright-Patterson Air Force Base!

We have some recent arrivals in Metro Fairborn we’d like to welcome:
Bang It Out: Sarah Chopp, the new kid in town, says, "Because I am new to Fairborn, I figure if I can make it here, I can make it anywhere. It's up to you. Go BUCKEYES!”

Akiva Katz our Canadian transplant says, “See, what people do not understand is that Canadians are just nicer versions of Americans who dress well in the winter. What's not to love?”

Ilana Grafstien, winner, Tannest Triathlete Contest, Cancun '02 – Ilana, Honey, are you allright? “I'm ok... No, really, heh-heh…I’m alright... I’m having fun! I’M GOING HOME!

On the way over here I got tagged by one o’ those intrepid Greene County Deputies again… It never goes well. This officer was SO SMUG. He smirked beneath the brim of his hat and sunglasses, saying, “So – uhh… “Reverend”! You don’t know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?”

All proceeds from t’day’s STAND-UP are going to “Jerry's Yids”!

We were watching a terrific dark comedy-thriller the other night, “U-Turn”, which has a surprising cast of high-profile stars, some of whom perform delicious over-the-top characterizations, and some of whom do cameos. The film stars Sean Penn, Jennifer Lopez, Nick Nolte, Powers Boothe, Billy Bob Thornton, Jon Voight and several more, including Claire Danes as an abysmally clueless local bimbo who comes on to Penn’s character, a disaffected, down-on-his-luck ex-tennis pro stuck with car trouble in a nowhere town full of loser-hicks and “characters” in Arizona. In a crappy diner with a waitress named “Flo”, the bimbo begs a quarter for the jukebox and plays “Your Cheatin’ Heart” by the country icon Patsy Cline who perished tragically in a plane crash in 1962. Danes’s character says to Penn’s drifter, “Ah railly lock her sangin’… Wonder why she don’t make records anymore?”
Penn’s character replies with a smirk, “She’s dead.”
To which, the bimbo replies, “You don’t even seem upset about it.”
Penn’s character, with his mouth fighting bravely to keep from bursting into a laugh, deadpans, “I’ve had time to get over it.”

TonyBenet, B.B.Benet, GeneBenet, JonBonJoviBenet, BonoBenet and O.J.Benet pose for photos at recent ‘JonBenifit’ held in Studio City, CA.

Fair and balanced are not adjectives I would use to describe our local media. Two boys here in Metro Fairborn were playing basketball when a rabid Rottweiler attacked one of them. Thinking quickly, the other boy ripped a board off a nearby fence, wedged it into the dog’s collar and twisted it, breaking the dog’s neck. A newspaper reporter from the Fairborn Herald witnessed the incident and rushed over to interview the boy. The reporter began entering data into his laptop, beginning with the headline: “Brave Young BUCKEYES Fan Saves Friend From Jaws Of Vicious Animal.”
“But I’m not an Ohio State fan,” the little hero interjected.
“Sorry, replied the reporter. “But since we’re in Ohio, I just assumed you were.”
Hitting the delete key, the reporter began “Local Eagle Scout rescues Friend From Horrific Dog Attack.”
“But I’m not a Scout either,” the boy responds. The reporter says, “I assumed every upstanding young man in an All-American town such as Fairborn would be either a Cub Scout, a Boy Scout or an Eagle Scout.”
“Our family has protested the Scouts because they discriminate against people who don’t profess a religious belief or who aren’t heterosexuals,” the boy says.
Hitting the delete key again, the reporter begins again, “Arrogant Liberal Godless Faggot Punk Wantonly Executes Neighbor's Beloved Family Pet.”



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Have you noticed the quirky commercials for RED STRIPE Beer from Jamaica? Da Rev has been a Red Stripe aficionado for at least 20 years. It only takes one Red Stripe to get me really buzzed… But I can’t remember whether it’s the 8^th or 9^th!
(Click on any image to ENLARGE IT!)

I hope you’re enjoying the Labor Day Weekend. I asked our frequent STAND-UP guest, Shecky – “Do Jews celebrate Labor Day differently?”
Shecky gave me the “wave-off” that tells you, like, “Stop it already…” Then he replied, “It's like Shabbos, but you are allowed to do "labor" over the BBQ grill!”


“By the way,” Shecky reminded me, “Labor Day should be a reminder to the Yiddin to put the straw hats back in the closet ‘til next year…”

And I promise – the first asshole who says, “It's Labor Day, yet nobody goes to work?" – is CUT-OFF! No beers, no meat, for you, Dipwad!

Some of my fellow males won’t tell their ladies this, so Da Rev will do it for ‘em: If we drink too much, we do not need someone to hold our hair back and act like our babysitter. We have puked before and know how to handle it, OK?

Whad’ya think about this? I say if a guy cheats on his lady and she never finds out about it, then its not cheating, right?

Bob told his lady, “Look - you don’t have to ask my permission to make out with another chick. Just do it but make sure I’m there to watch when it happens!

Somebody needs to level with fat chicks… and ugly ones… Sure, you can get a guy. You have to give good head. There is no such thing as a fat, ugly, blow job.
AND SWALLOW! Don’t start the race if you’re not gonna finish it!
OH! And while giving a guy a hand job please remove all the rings from your fingers, they can really hurt, I’m serious! And if you swallow like you should, don’t expect me to kiss you afterward. Sorry - that’s just the way it is...

"OOooooh! That bitch is wearing the same ancient sacrificial virgin earrings as I!"

Dick says his neighbor in Florida has a black cow and a brown cow. Everyone in his community voted for the best looking cow recently - BEFORE hurricane season, I'm guessing... Some of the people who liked the brown one best, voted for the black one. Some people voted for both. Some people voted for neither. Some people couldn’t figure out how to vote at all. Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state told him which cow is better looking...

I asked Dick if he was still leaning toward voting for Katherine Harris for Senator from Florida. He replied that he probably would vote against her, even though he admires her aggressive campaign. Dick says she looks MUCH OLDER with her clothes off…

Did you all see CNN when Kyra Phillips went to the restroom with her microphone on Tuesday during President Bush's speech?! Viewers heard casual girl talk as Bush’s lips were moving. CHEESES! At first I thought the president's credit card had been stolen!

Let’s see… I think that pretty much covers it… Did I say “SWALLOW?” OK. I MUST be OFF!!

THIS JUST ___ IN!!

Media Matters Right-wing pundit Ann Coulter titled her August 30 syndicated column"on the Rhode Island Senate race "They Shot the Wrong Lincoln" : headline is a reference to Sen. Lincoln Chafee (R-RI), whom she excoriated throughout the piece - calling him a "half-wit" and a "silver-spooned moron - while expressing her support for his challenger in the September 12 Republican primary.

Media Matters CRUSHIN’ ON U.S. SENATOR (D-LA) MARY LANDRIEU 

I don't know what it is - the blonde power coif, the prim azure suits matching friendly yet confident eyes, the pearly smile hinting of former beauty queen. Actually, I think it's the cheeks. The cheeks are healthy, outdoorsy, youthful. Those cheeks should be chewing a long piece of straw under a curled cowboy hat in a sunlit field...

Da Rev concurs. When we find those nude shots, you KNOW we'll slap 'em up on this blog...

Wonkette reports:
Katherine Harris Still Waiting
on All-Important Holy Ghost Endorsement 
Katherine Harris said something NUTS the other day.
Yes, she did. Specifically:

"If you are not electing Christians, tried and true, under public scrutiny and pressure, if you're not electing Christians then in essence you are going to legislate sin."

"Separation of Church and State? “That lie we have been told.” (Also, "Separation of Church and State should be illegal...")

Elections?
“God is the one who chooses our rulers”

Harris clarifies:

"When I said that voting against Christians is voting for Satan, I meant to say that I have at least one Jew on staff."

She refuses to discuss allegations that when she let George W. Bush win Florida in 2000, she made a personal deal with Satan.

It's OK, because she was speaking to a Christian publication, and everyone knows you pander to your audience. It's like how Sen. George Felix Allen didn't mean any of that Macaca stuff, he was just pandering to his redneck racist audience.

YOU SHOULD NEVER BE WITHOUT LUBRICANT!
A Wonkette  operative alerts us to a curious example of TSA terror-liquid leniency: While you can’t bring hand lotion or even lip gloss in your carry-on, you can carry “up to 4 oz.” of “personal lubricants.”
That’s right, frequent flyers: Bogus terror threats or not, Homeland Security wants you to have comfortable anal sex while flying.
Next time the high-school-dropout TSA goons try to take your moisturizer, conditioner, Neosporin, suntan lotion, bath oil or hair gel, just look ‘em straight in the eyes and say, “It’s personal lubricant, and it’s for fucking.”

Defense Secretary Don Rumsfeld likened Iraq war critics Tuesday to appeasers of Adolf Hitler. He declared we are at war with Islamic fascists. Anybody who criticizes our efforts to stop fascism should be lined up against the wall and shot.

 Just Shut The Fuck Up, Old Man! 

Jake Novak punches the request for a Bush-Ahmadinejad Debate:
Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has challenged President George W. Bush to a live television debate. The winner will be the first person who can correctly pronounce the word "nuclear" in English.

Comedian Argus Hamilton - the King o' the Liners -  comments on current events:

Iran's Mahmoud Ahmadinejad challenged President Bush to a debate about Iran's right to a nuclear program. This administration won't be intimidated by thugs. President Bush isn't letting Iran have ANYTHING, if you don't count Iraq and Afghanistan and Lebanon...

President Bush defended his Mideast policy at the American Legion Convention in Salt Lake Thursday. Afghanistan lays broken and Lebanon lays broken and Iraq lays broken. All anybody can say is that this had better be one heck of an omelette. 


Shiite soldiers in the Iraqi army refused to fight a Shiite militia Monday, saying they only fight Sunnis. At least our intelligence is improving. Last night the CIA advised President Bush that only a brutal dictator could hold this country together. 


The Emir of Kuwait will fly to Washington Tuesday for his first visit to the White House. He's just returning a favor. He once promised former President Bush that if the need ever arose, he would fly to Washington and try to restore democracy.

Turkey began selling swimsuits for Muslim women Tuesday. It covers them from head to toe in black fabric. Three women have been abducted by bull seals and their husbands are calling for all the prisoners to be released from the Monterey Aquarium.

President Bush announced Thursday he plans to approve a free-trade agreement with Colombia. There's a lot of opposition to the idea by protectionists. They do not want Colombia's top export to take business away from our domestic meth labs. 

Hurricane John headed north Thursday past Acapulco and Cabo San Lucas and up the Baja peninsula. Mexican officials set up shelters in one hundred schools. The schools are always available because the students are in Van Nuys.
 
HERE’S SOMETHIN’ REALLY, REALLY IMPORTANT!

 Katie Couric's CBS photo was digitally lopped to make her look twenty pounds thinner Tuesday. It was re-shaped by an overzealous photo editor. 
...So THAT's how they do it!

A scene in an upcoming "Desperate Housewives" episode has raised eyebrows! It features uptight ice-queen Bree (Marcia Cross) in bed with new love interest Orson (Kyle MacLachlan). After initially resisting his attempts to perform oral sex on her - "I'm a Republican," she says - then she relents, with explosive results!

(OWOooooo!  Please don't cut it. Please!) 

Bob Schieffer says he gets a rise out of photos of Katie Couric - doctored or not!  (from Laugh Fish)

More liners from Comedian Argus Hamilton:
Lingerie Bowl quarterback Tanea Brooks performed exotic dance for U.S. Marines stationed in Iraq. The show had to meet strict Pentagon guidelines. We are showing our respect for Muslim customs by allowing no alcohol at our strip bars. 

Peter Coors pleaded to a reduced charge of driving while impaired, but NOT under the influence. It's simple logic. If he was drinking Coors he might have been bloated but he couldn't have been under the influence of alcohol.

NOW we can IMPEACH his ass!!


WARNING! PG-34!
   

FREE - PORN CLIPS!!

A blonde gets home early from shopping and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. She rushes upstairs to find her husband naked on the bed, sweating and panting.
"What's up?" she asks.
"I'm having a heart attack," cries the husband.
The blonde rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as she's
dialing, her four-year-old son comes up and says, "Mommy! Mommy! Aunt Shirley is hiding in your closet, and she's got no clothes on!"
The blonde slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom,
right past her husband, and rips open the closet door. Sure enough,
there is her sister, totally naked and cowering on the closet floor.
"You rotten bitch," she screams. "My husband's having a heart attack,
and you're running around naked scaring the kids!

ACTRESS DIANE LANE

Da Rev watched the MTV Video Awards this week to report what the rest of the reporters may have missed:

The tattoo on Christina Aguilera's lower back is Hebrew for "I am my beloved's and my beloved's mine." Bang It Out:

PADMA LAKSHMI - The Model-Actress is married to Writer Salman Rushdie

Mr. Smith went to the Doctor’s office to collect his wife’s test results.
Receptionist: “I’m sorry, sir, but there has been a bit of a mix-up and we have a problem. When we sent the samples from your wife to the lab, the samples from another Mrs. Smith were sent as well and we are now uncertain which one is your wife’s. Frankly, that’s either bad or terrible.”
Mr. Smith: “What do you mean?”
Receptionist: "Well, one Mrs. Smith has tested positive for Alzheimer disease and the other for AIDS. We cannot tell which is your wife.”
Mr. Smith: “That’s terrible! What am I supposed to do now?”
Receptionist: “The doctor recommends that you drop your wife off in the middle of town; and if she finds her way home, don't fuck her!”
"DON'T FUCK HER!"

Reasons a Handgun is Better Than a Woman

1) You can buy a silencer for a handgun.
2) You can trade a .44 for two .22’s.
3) You can have a handgun at home and another for the road.
4) If you admire a friend’s handgun and tell him so, he will be impressed and let you try a few rounds with it.
5) A handgun does not mind if you go to sleep after you’re done using it.
6) A handgun doesn’t care how big your trigger finger is.
7) A handgun won’t tell all of its friends if you are a “little fast on the trigger.”

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BEYONCE!

Ferd was making love to a girl and she started crying. He asked, “Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?”
She said, “No, ...sniff... I hate myself now.”

THE HORTH WHITHPERER
A guy calls his buddy the horse rancher and says he’s sending a friend over to look at a horse. His buddy asks “How will I recognize him?”
“That’s easy, he’s a midget with a speech impediment.”
The midget shows up, and the guy asks him if he’s looking for a male or female horse.
“A female horth.”
So he shows him a prized filly.
“Nithe lookin horth. Can I thee her eyeth”?
So the guy picks up the midget and he gives the horse’s eyes the once over. “Nith eyeth, can I thee her earzth”?
So he picks the little fella up again, and shows him the horse’s ears.
“Nithe earzth, can I see her mouf”?
The rancher is gettin’ tired of this, but he picks him up again and shows him the horse’s mouth.
“Nithe mouf, can I see her twat”?
Abruptly, the rancher grabs the midget under his arms and rams his head as far as he can up the horse’s requested part, pulls him out and slams him on the ground. The midget gets up, wiping his eyes, sputtering and coughing. “Perhapth I thould rephwase that - Can I thee her wun awound a widdle bit”?

Good fortune. COMMENT!!
Please spread the meme. AND CHEESES!! Don’t smoke in bed…