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PISS ON EVER’THIN’ –
T’DAY’S SATURDAY, December 9, 2006
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on any image to ENLARGE it.)
TROTSKY ON THE CARPET
(THE STAND-UP begins right after the QUOTES)
UNSUBSCRIBED:
MICK JAGGER’S MUM DIES OF
NATURAL CAUSES…
Jeane J. Kirkpatrick, the
first woman U.S. ambassador to the United Nations, has died. She was a senior
fellow at American Enterprise Institute, a conservative-oriented think tank. The 80-year-old Kirkpatrick, who began her
public life as a Hubert Humphrey Democrat, recanted her unabashed Reagan era
conservatism on her deathbed, calling for Hillary Clinton “to step forward and
make it respectable to call ourselves progressives again.”
BIRTHDAY GREETINGS TO:
Singer-Musician Louis Prima would be 96; Sinatra would be 91; Incomparable
Character Actor Eli Wallach is 91; Jazz Pianist Dave Brubeck is 86; Enigmatic
Actor David Carradine is 70; Rock Icon Jim Morrison would be 63; Irish
Singer-Activist Sinead O’Connor is 40; “That it will never come
again “Why should we censure
Othello [for the jealous murder of Desdemona] when the Criterion Lover says, (Click on any image to ENLARGE it.) Barber Shop Sign in Togo, Africa... WELL HOWDY, REV’LERS! Welcome to our humble cottage in Metro Fairborn,
Ohio. I can’t say enough about Fairborn –
because, well… there’s not that much to say about Fairborn… DA REV KIDS FAIRBORN! Seriously – A visit to Downtown Fairborn will
take you back in time – even if you’ve never been there. I overheard a visitor
from the big city, Dayton, at our Readmore Books shop complaining, “This town is just SO damn cozy!” What the hell’s up with that? Cozy is the new cool. Media representatives will be glad to learn
that they will be able to file their stories using one of the several pay
phones in town… there’s one right outside The Hot Lips Café. OH! And the
Quality Inn offers a bank of three phones in the lobby. If it’s a “WAR ON CHRISTMAS” they want, they’ll surely get one! I’m talkin’ about the exclusionist Christianist zealots who take their cues from Bill Orally &
John Gibson @ FAUX NEWS and keep insisting that “HAPPY HOLIDAYS” greetings be
banned, or at least boycotted. Larry seems to be saying, “All right Santa
Claus, you can run but you can’t hide. I’m SO gonna KILL you!” Then again, he may be exclaiming, “I ask for
a simple chicken salad sandwich on whole wheat and what do I get? They didn’t
pick out all the pieces of celery. They’re KILLIN’ me here! I can’t eat this
shit!” Or, "Uh-oh! I just crapped my
pants." PLOT TO BLOW UP MALL THE FRIDAY BEFORE
CHRISTMAS – Who better to enlist in our “WAR ON CHRISTMAS” than a CUTE KID ?! She's an 8-year-old atheist: 
Jay McShann
Max (19) actor George Clooney’s beloved potbelly pig. The
Oscar-winning actor, who owned the hog for 18 years, reportedly once said the
porker was his longest relationship. He took the pig when he and
then-girlfriend, actress Kelly Preston (now Mrs. John Travolta), split up in
1988. Max died of natural causes at Clooney’s Hollywood Hills, home on December 1, 2006
It’s the 175th Anniversary of the Birth of America’s Premier Female
Poet, Emily Dickinson, Pagan Sphinx;
Walt Disney would be 105;
Consummate Entertainer, Singer-Dancer-Actor
Sammy Davis, Jr. would be 81;
Actress Teri Hatcher is 42;
“The Ice Man”, Singer-Activist Jerry Butler
is 67;
Smoldering, Oscar-Winning Actress Kim
Bassinger is 53;
Off-Center Comedian Steven Wright is 51;
Strikingly Beautiful Actress Jennifer
Connelly is 35.
Is what makes life so sweet.”
[Emily Dickinson]
‘Thou shalt have no other Gods before Me’?”
[Emily Dickinson]
Demur -- and you're straightaway dangerous --
and handled with a chain.”
[Emily Dickinson]
Do you know all the barber shops in Fairborn offer a free ear and nose trim for senior citizens?
My wife’s boss was bragging that his family spent last week skiing in Aspen. Colorado. Da Pagan Baby didn’t miss a beat. She said, “That sounds like fun. Da Rev & I walked through a maze in a lush
cornfield in Bowersville, Ohio.”
CATNIP - THE GATEWAY DRUG
MY NEW FAVORITE BAR!
(Remember - it's more fun to eat in a bar than to drink in a restaurant...)
We stopped in W.O. Wright's Pub & Grill on Colonel Glenn in Beaverditch to
check out the food offerings this week. We ordered a basket of BIG, crispy,
succulent 35-cent wings and chili. Da Pagan Baby tried the white bean chili
with chicken and I got the red bean chili with beef & bacon. MMmmmm… And
they have vegetarian black bean chili, too. The food is top drawer. I saw
steaks and burgers comin' out of the kitchen that made me drool. The service,
prices and quality are terrific. Unfortunately, a loud-mouthed Michigan fan was seated
near us. Oh, we found his running commentary amusing, but his second-hand
carcinogen-carrying fumes were annoying - as well as life threatening.
When the bartender served my double Jameson's & a tall Killian's she placed
several cocktail napkins under the glasses. I noticed the napkins were printed.
Always on the lookout for low humor to appropriate for my blog, I pulled one up
to read it.
"Vote 'YES' On Issue 4." I could hardly contain my glee as I
remembered that Da Pagan Baby & I, like most Ohioans, voted "No on 4,
Yes on 5" and the next time we would be returning to W. O. Wright’s it
would be smoke-free. Friday was all you can eat fish & fries night. Sure enough, there was the “Big
Blue” fan shivering & suckin' a Marlboro in the parking lot Friday evening... "Fire @ one end, fool @ the other..."
CNN journalist Jeff Greenfield’s
(tongue-in-cheek) response is, I want to be greeted with “Happy Chanukkah” by
store greeters and cashiers. He says Jews should get in their faces when they
wish “Happy Holidays”!
Then there’s secular Jew Larry King's Brave Battle
Against Christmas:How about, “RAIDER NATION, MOTHAFUKKAZ!!”
(I don’t know about you – but I like the
scary Larry better than the Ass-Kissing Larry…)
“Now THAT’s a 'WAR ON CHRISTMAS'”!
CHICAGO (AP) - A Muslim convert who authorities say talked about waging violent
jihad is in custody after federal agents say he tried to make an unusual trade:
two stereo speakers for a 9 mm pistol and the grenades he would need to pull
off his alleged plot. After being tipped by an acquaintance of Derrick Shareef,
the FBI says it taped the 22-year-old planning to use hand grenades to blow
garbage cans into clouds of flying shrapnel in a crowded mall the Friday before
Christmas. "This is a warning to those who disbelieve," he allegedly
said.
So why not an “ATHEIST WAR ON CHISTMAS”? Experience is what you get when you don't get what you wanted.
OK, Rev’lers, here’s your “Moment of Zen”:
DRESS UP RUMMY DOLL!
I'll meet you at the buffet...THIS
JUST ___ IN!!
Wonkette:
Mary Cheney Pregnant President Bush conferred with
Tony Blair at the White House Thursday. Together they have toppled the Taliban, Saddam, Spain, the GOP Congress and… Tony Blair. The two discussed their upcoming induction into the International
Bowling Hall of Fame in St. Louis. The Senate confirmed Defense
Secretary nominee Robert Gates this week. The job's not that hard. The last guy
to leave Iraq won't even have to turn out the lights because we never got the electricity
going in the first place. Mexico's new president Felipe Calderon was sworn into office
in Mexico City last week with former President Bush looking on. They are an important trading
partner. In addition to oil, silver and tequila, Mexico is the number-one producer
of Americans. Pope Benedict urged an end to
religious divisions. It's a mess. The Protestants don't recognize the pope, the
Muslims don't recognize the Jews, the Jews don't recognize Christ, and the
Baptists don't recognize each other at Hooters. HERE’S SOMETHIN’ REALLY,
REALLY IMPORTANT!! The Moon Struggling
with box office bombs Disney movie makers believe they have combined the
elements for “Anne Frank” to be a successful comedy: More groin hits and fart
jokes. The Darts Regulation
Authority suspended Robbie Green for using a performance enhancing substance
after he tested positive for marijuana. How silly. Marijuana is not a
performance enhancing substance unless you are in a hot dog eating contest. "I hate you, Jimmy.
You hurt my feelings!"
Washington (LaughFish.com) -
Vice-Presidential daughter Mary Cheney, is
pregnant. A proud Dick Cheney is said to be hoping that the baby is named after
him. When reached for a comment, Mary said, “I hate to disappoint Dad but
I’m not too fond of Dick.”
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Argus Hamilton has the week's best current events liners:
Mary Cheney announced that she's expecting a child with her lesbian
partner. She must have believed her dad when he said he didn't want to run for
president. It cost her father all the votes he had gained when he shot a lawyer
with a shotgun.
Hurricane Chantal Blows Thousands
VILLAHERMOSA,
MEXICO - Named after a famous Las Vegas female impersonator, late-season Hurricane
Chantal has seemed to peter out, and has now been downgraded to a tropical
depression.
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Gay Rabbis
The Conservative branch of Judaism voted this week to accept gay rabbis for the
first time. Previously, the only job open to gay conservative Jews was chairman
of the Republican National Committee.
Straight-Talking
Muslim
Heba Koth, a Muslim, is being called the "Dr. Ruth" of the Islamic world because
of her hit talk show "Big Talk," which is a frank and detailed weekly
show about sex. Koth has about three days to live.
More from Argus:
Mel Gibson's Apocalypto came
out Friday about the demise of the Mayan Empire in Central
America. It shows human sacrifices. Mayans are thrown off pyramids
to their deaths in the belief they will come back as dry wall contractors in San Diego.
Jessica Simpson ran offstage weeping at a Dolly Parton salute at the Kennedy Center after forgetting the lyrics of a Dolly Parton song. She was way out of her league. Jessica Simpson can't measure
up to Dolly Parton. She can't sing as well, either.
RATED PG-34!
(This section of the blog contains adult content - and a bunch o' sophomoric humor...)
LAURA "SWEET PICKLES" BUSH HAS BEEN MOONLIGHTING (she figures SOMEBODY has to pull down some greenbacks when the White House gig is over...)
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PREVIOUSLY UNSEEN PHOTOS OF
MARILYN
More...
SALON SIGNAGE IN TOGO
"Well, my wife was ironing while I was watching the football game on TV," began the man. "She put the hot iron near the telephone and when the phone rang, I answered the iron."
The doctor nodded, "But what happened to the other ear?"
"Well, no sooner had I hung up," said the man, "when the same guy called again." 
LASCIVIOUS LUNA
A little girl is in line to see Santa.
When it's her turn, she climbs up
Santa asks, "What would you like Santa to bring
you for
The little girl replies, "I want a Barbie and G.I. Joe."
Santa looks at the little girl for a moment and says,
"I thought
"No," said the little girl. "She comes with G.I. Joe.
She fakes it
when a stranger walked up
to him and asked,
woke up in the woods and
scratched your butt and felt
Vaseline, would you tell anyone?"
"Hell no!" the guy said.
The stranger then asked,
"If you felt further into your
crack and pulled out a used
condom, would you tell
anyone?"
The man said, "Of course not."
"Wanna go camping?"
far away, a beautiful,
independent, self-assured
princess happened upon a
frog as she sat, contemplating
ecological issues on the
shores of an unpolluted
pond in a verdant meadow
near her castle. The frog
hopped into the princess' lap
and said, "Elegant Lady, I
was once a handsome
prince, until an evil witch
cast a spell upon me. One
kiss from you, my sweet,
we can marry and setup
housekeeping in yon
castle with my mother,
where you can prepare my
meals, clean my clothes,
bear my children, and
forever feel grateful and
happy doing so.
That night, as the princess
dined sumptuously on a
repast of lightly sauteed
frog legs seasoned in a
white wine and onion
cream sauce, chuckled
to herself and thought:
"I don't THINK so!"
woman in his office and
tells her that her hair
smells terrific. The
woman immediately goes
into her supervisor's
office and tells him that
she wants to file a sexual
harassment suit and
explains why. The
supervisor is puzzled
by this time and says,
"What's wrong with
your coworker telling
you your hair smells terrific?"
The woman replies,
"He's a midget!"
Please spread
the meme.
Comment. Comment.
Comment.
smoke in bed...
