We'll drink a cup o' kindness
With ya, to ya
For days of Auld Lang Syne...
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P.O.E.T.S.!
PISS ON EVER'THIN' -
T'DAY'S SATURDAY, December 30, 2006
WE HOPE YOU ENJOYED A COOL YULE AND WE WISH YOU A FRANTIC FIRST! IT'S THE YEAR O' THE PIG!
JUST FOR YOU - A SHAVED BEAVER ORNAMENT... Watch for it!
UNSUBSCRIBED:
SOUL BROTHER #1 HAS LEFT THE STAGE…
JAMES BROWN bridged the eras from Old School R&B to Rock to Funk. He remains the most sampled musician in Hip-Hop. With his frenetic dancing style he drew from a seemingly endless well of energy. He was dubbed The Hardest Working Man in Show Business!
For a guy with limited education, he seemed to have just the right instincts when it came to defining a place for himself in the civil rights movement. I saw several people on TV telling how JB resolved the confusion around the various identity designations (Negro, colored, black, etc.) of the late '60s for them - when he composed the anthem, "Say It Loud, I'm Black & I'm Proud."
James Brown endorsed Nixon in '72 and he gave a good reason for it - Nixon had signed the very first affirmative action legislation... He died in Atlanta, Georgia on December 25, 2006.
President GERRY FORD - was an honorable and affable gentleman. It is a testament to his character that he was truly respected and liked by Dems and Republicans (except for, maybe, Reagan). But - as our presidents go - he was essentially a place-holder for 890-some days.
He was exactly what was required for the period following the disgraceful departure of the Shah of San Clemente. He was calm, reassuring and trustworthy. While his pardon of Nixon was the one thing he needed to do, it cost him all the political capital he would need to be an effective executive - and sent his high approval ratings tumbling. Yes, he was a profile in courage.
Although I voted for Jimmy Carter, I admit that neither man was capable of beating back the rampant inflation that was the legacy of our last great imperialist war fought on credit.
President Ford was our ONLY un-elected president - and there's nothing wrong with that. He was preceded in death by Chevy Chase’s film career.
WELL HUNG!
Dictator SADDAM HUSSEIN
Having said that, I must admit that I think executions during war time are sometimes called for. I still think the victorious US forces should have given Saddam a quicky trial, put him to death by firing squad, and allowed the Iraqi gummint still in place at the time to reorganize for better or worse. We could have been outta there in 6 months.
Only a fool with a messianic complex, manipulated by a gang of amoral thugs, would have PROMOTED the strategy and tactics that have brought us to this lowest point in our history in relation to the rest of the world.
LET'S CALL FOR A TRUCE IN THE "WAR ON XMAS (for 300 days or so...)
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BIRTHDAY GREETINGS!!
(SELF PORTRAIT)
American Statesman (Artist-Photographer-Environmentalist) BARRY GOLDWATER would be 97 on New Year’s Day!
R&B Band Leader-Drummer-Producer JOHNNY OTIS (85) he discovered and promoted many legendary R&B singers - Esther Phillips, Big Mama Thornton, Etta James, and the Robins (who later evolved into the Coasters), all of whom were at one time featured vocalists in his band. He also discovered Sugar Pie DeSanto, Hank Ballard and the Midnighters, Jackie Wilson, and Little Willie John. He produced, and, with his band, played on the original recording of Hound Dog with Big Mama Thornton & on Johnny Ace’s Pledging My Love, and produced some of the earliest recordings of his band’s piano player, a guy named Little Richard. (He was a Greek-American who embraced the black culture of his native N’Awlins. The public, for the most part, assumed he was of mixed race. With his black wife he sired R&B Singer-Guitarist Shuggie Otis.)
Rock Hall of Famer, Distinctive Blues Singer-Guitarist BO DIDDLEY (78)
Legendary Folk & Blues Singer ODETTA (75)
Oscar-winning Actor JOHN VOIGHT (68) (Yeah, he’s Angelina’s Daddy…)
Rock Singer DEL SHANNON would be 67.
HEY, HEY! THEY’RE THE MONKEES!
Singer-Songwriter-Guitarist MICHAEL NESMITH (64 - That’s not OLD!)
Singer DAVY JONES (61)
Diva Disco Queen DONNA SUMMER (57)
Soul Singer-Songwriter-Pianist JOHN LEGEND (28) from Springfield, Ohio (where something is terribly wrong). His music is soulful, rooted in gospel - but with hip hop beats.
Ohio’s Own Basketball Phenom LeBRON JAMES (22)
It does not matter how slowly you go, so long as you do not stop. 
POSITIVE QUOTES FOR THE NEW YEAR:
Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving.
[Uncle Albert Einstein]
Oh, never mind the fashion. When one has a style of one's own, it is always twenty times better.
[Margaret Oliphant]
I've never had a humble opinion. If you've got an opinion, why be humble about it?
[Joan Baez]
NEW!! BETTY & VERONICA MAKEOVERS 
WELL HOWDY, REV’LERS!
Welcome to our 4th year blogging from our home in Metro Fairborn, Ohio. We’ve been here long enough that when I’m driving my pick-em-up - I don't need to use my turn signals ’cuz everyone knows where I’m headin’ anyway.
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Happy New Year! If you’re partying, be sure to keep in mind that consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an idiot.
How many are gonna make resolutions for the comin’ year? Me pal Paddy says his pastor caught ‘im stumbling outta Shhhnanigan’s Pub in Downtown Fairborn. (Why can’t the Freakin’ clergy mind their own bidness?!) Paddy’s an inveterate drunkard. I admire that in a friend. Anyways, the priest proceeded t’ give Paddy a strong lecture about drink. He urged ‘im t’ get hooked with the 12-Steppers and resolve to drink no more in the New Year. He said, "If you continue drinking as you do, you'll gradually get smaller and smaller, and eventually you'll turn into a wee mouse."
This frightened the life out of Paddy. He went home that night, and thought long and hard about takin’ th’ pledge. Finally, he said to his wife, "Bridget... if ye’s should notice me getting smaller and smaller, please kill that big bleedin’ Tom cat, OK?!"
Remember - Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to give ya a beat down…
Iranian President Aminodickjihad resolves: "Blame Jews for all Spam, including the kind you eat. Stop renting Gilbert Gottfried movies no matter how much they make me laugh."
The barely-known Duke of West Carrollton, who still lives with his Mom, has his resolutions set for 2007: "Buy a stepstool to smack tall bitoches. Stop whoring Mom out on busy weekends. Wear more faux fur to be sensitive to animal lovers."
THIS year I’m gonna turn over a new leaf. I’m making resolutions that should be attainable, even for me! In 2007 I resolve to:
- Gain weight. At least 30 pounds.
- Stop exercising. Waste of time.
- Read less. Makes you think.
- Drink no Budweiser.
- Watch more TV. I've been missing some good stuff.
- Procrastinate more. Starting tomorrow.
- Not jump off a cliff just because everyone else did.
- Get in a whole NEW rut!
- Eat cloned meat.
- Create loose ends.
- Get more toys.
- Get further in debt.
- Not believe politicians.
- Avoid transmission of inter-species diseases.
- Stay off the International Space Station.
- Wait around for opportunity.
- Focus on the faults of others.
- Ignore my faults.
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ART By Zenobia Goble
I knew this. I’ve always said I’m a VICTIM of the dreaded disease that causes obesity. Two new studies show that colonies of bacteria could be responsible for obesity. Stunningly, those microbes are most often found in beer & pizza.
Be careful if you’re drinkin’ New Year’s Eve - consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burn on the forehead. And you may wake up with breath that could knock a buzzard off a wreaking dead skunk a hundred yards away.
Have you heard this? Some United States scientists say that beer contains small traces of female hormones. I’m livin’ proof o’ their theory - whenever I drink twelve pints of beer I observe that started I talking nonsense and can’t drive for shit...
(Clip the following and send it to your homophobic fundangelical friends)
10 Reasons Why Gay Marriage is Wrong
01) Being gay is not natural. Real Americans always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, and air conditioning.
02) Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.
03) Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.
04) Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn't changed at all; women are still property, blacks still can't marry whites, and divorce is still illegal.
05) Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed; the sanctity of Britany Spears' 55-hour just-for-fun marriage would be destroyed.
06) Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn't be allowed to marry because our orphanages aren't full yet, and the world needs more children.
07) Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.
08) Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That's why we have only one religion in America.
09) Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That's why we as a society expressly forbid single parents to raise children.
10) Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could never adapt to new social norms. Just like we haven't adapted to cars, the service-sector economy, or longer life spans.
Y’ know my maternal grandfather believed he was an heir to the Guinness brewing family fortune until his dying day. And so will I!
YOW! I FEEL GOOD!!! SCREEECH!!
In this video - THE GODFATHER OF SOUL VISITS THE KING IN JAIL!
THIS JUST ___ IN!!
“My first reaction after hearing Dubya was going to pardon the polar bears
was that he must have found a way to sell polar bear shit…” [Rude Rich on BartCop] 
Rush is on vacation this week and so is Sean Hannity. They both took the same week off about eight months ago and again at the same time a year ago this week. Anyone see a pattern developing here?
They're probably off to some undisclosed location burning up some of that surplus Viagra Rush carrys around with him - OR boy-fishing in the Dominican Republic.
ON THE SUNNI SIDE OF THE STREET
http://jakejakeny.blogspot.com/
Saddam Hussein was executed by hanging in the pre-dawn hours Saturday. They would have sent him to the electric chair, but Iraq hasn't had electricity since 2003.
Hussein wanted to keep clutching his copy of the Koran during the execution, but right wing radio host Dennis Prager demanded he replace it with a Bible.
President Bush took time out Saturday morning to pay tribute to President Ford. The two of them had a lot in common, neither was ever elected President by the American people.
http://www.argushamilton.com/argus.htm
Gerald Ford died in Rancho Mirage Tuesday, leaving behind an America grateful for his decency and courage and integrity. His capacity for self-sacrifice was great. He broke every bone in Chevy Chase's body to heal this nation from Watergate.
John Edwards announced his candidacy Thursday for the Democratic presidential nomination. It's the second time he has run. The desire to be president is a siren's call, and no one responds to a siren faster than a personal injury attorney.
Johns Hopkins released a study saying Iran may be unable to drill any oil in eight years due to widespread mismanagement. It's an intelligence coup. Infiltrating Iran's oil company with laid-off Ford executives was a stroke of genius.
HERE’S SOMETHIN’ REALLY, REALLY IMPORTANT!
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James Brown Dead
The cause of death is not clear, but apparently his pants finally suffocated him.
Sex Survey
A new survey shows that nine out of 10 Americans has had premarital sex. The survey also shows that only one out of 10 Americans is having marital sex.
http://www.argushamilton.com/argus.htm
Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger had surgery Tuesday on the leg he broke at Sun Valley. He was standing still when his pole got twisted in his ski, causing him to trip and fall. Of all the tributes to Jerry Ford, this was the most heartfelt.
The U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service proposed Wednesday that polar bears get new protections. Their habitat is threatened. The Arctic is melting so fast that in their next movie the penguins' mating rituals will include small talk in the hot tub.
Queen Elizabeth's annual Christmas message to her subjects was made available on the Internet as a podcast on Friday. It was Her Majesty's first time on the Internet. Now she's getting e-mails from congressmen asking to see her naked.
WARNING! PG-34
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DID I MENTION BETTY & VERONICA'S MAKEOVER?! 
Sandy was drinking at a pub all night. When he got up to leave, he fell flat on his face. He tried to stand again, but to no avail, falling flat on his face. He decided to crawl outside and get some fresh air to see whether that would sober him up. Once outside, he stood up and, sure enough, fell flat on his face. So, being a practical fella, he crawled all the way home.
When he got to the door, he stood up yet again, but fell flat on his face. He crawled through the door into his bedroom. When he reached his bed, he tried once more to stand upright. This time he managed to pull himself to his feet but fell into bed. He was sound asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow. He woke the next morning to his wife shaking him and shouting, "So, you've been out drinkin' as usual!"
"Why make you think such a thing?" he complained innocently.
"Because the pub called and you left your damn wheelchair there again!"
PAINTING BY The Late Senator BARRY GOLDWATER
THE SCENE was a tiny mountain village in a remote section of Alabama. An old redneck and his young wife were getting a divorce in the local court. But custody of the children was a problem. The mother jumped to her feet and protested to the judge that since she had brought the children into this world, she should retain custody of them.
The old redneck also wanted custody of the children. The judge asked for his side of the story and, after a long moment of silence, the redneck slowly rose from his chair and replied, "Judge, when I put a dollar in a candy machine and a candy bar comes out, does it belong to me or the machine?
WHEN Fairborn started the curbside recycling program, the time of pickup varied. One day I didn't have my box out at the curb, but noticed that the truck was circling the crescent facing my house. I ran out and waited at the nearest house on the crescent. As I handed the box over to the driver, I attempted to explain my presence by saying, "I missed you."
With no hesitation the young man responded, "I missed you too."
"W-W-W-W-WIPEOUT!" Alex Casteneda's Skateboard Art
Brokeback Mountain Repartee Overheard at Starbucks
An old cowboy sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee.
As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him.
She turned to the cowboy and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?"
He replied, "Well, I've spent my whole life breaking colts, working cows, going to rodeos, fixing fences, pulling calves, bailing hay, doctoring calves, cleaning my barn, fixing flats, working on tractors, and feeding my dogs, so I guess I am a cowboy."
She said, "I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about women. When I shower, I think about women. When I watch TV, I think about women. I even think about women when I eat. It seems that everything makes me think of women."
The two sat sipping in silence.
A little while later, a man sat down on the other side of the old cowboy and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?"
He replied, "I always thought I was, but I just found out that I'm a lesbian."
ART BY HANS MAKART
Good fortune. COMMENT!! Please spread the meme. Don’t smoke in bed…
(Click on any image to ENLARGE it) AS PROMISED - HERE'S THE SHAVED BEAVER ORNAMENT!
