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Old soldiers never die. Young ones do...
Journalist, Humorist ART BUCHWALD
His syndicated column at one point appeared in more than 500 newspapers worldwide. It appeared twice a week in publications including The Washington Post and was distributed by Tribune Media Services. In a 1995 memoir on his early years, "Leaving Home," Buchwald wrote that humor was his "salvation." In all, he wrote more than 30 books.
"People ask what I am really trying to do with humor," he wrote. "The answer is, 'I'm getting even.' ... For me, being funny is the best revenge."
In 1982, he won the Pulitzer, journalism's top honor, for outstanding commentary, and in 1986 he was elected to the American Academy of Arts and Letters.
(LaughFish.com)When reached for a comment President Bush said, “Paul and Artie provided the soundtrack to my college life. Getting high while listening to The Boxer and Cecilia made me the man I am today. Artie will be missed.”
DOYLE HOLLY (70) singer-bass guitarist for Buck Owens’ band the Buckaroos during its hit-making heyday in the ’60s. Holly took over the bassist’s spot in the Buckaroos after Merle Haggard left to start a career of his own. Holly spent 1963–71 in the Buckaroos’ rhythm section, leaving to pursue a solo career ("Queen of the Silver Dollar"). He died of prostate cancer in Nashville, Tennessee on January 13, 2007.
ERNEST EDWARD KOVACS would be 88. "Ernie" was a creative and innovative entertainer from the early days of television. His on-air antics would go on to inspire TV shows like Laugh-In, the Uncle Floyd Show, Saturday Night Live and TV hosts like David Letterman.
SHARI LEWIS would be 74. Da Rev has a photo signed by Shari AND Lamb Chop! She was a gifted singer, dancer, writer, ventriloquist and musician. She wrote over 30 books, sold thousands of videos and won 12 Emmys, including five for her last PBS series, "Lamb Chop's Play-Along." But many say she was also something more: Shari Lewis cared about quality television, and she always cared about the kids. (Da Rev & Pagan Baby caught Shari's nightclub act @ Suttmiller's in Dayton in the '60s. She appeared in a see-through blouse performing with Lamb Chop in a revue that skewed definitely adult!)
The Soul soul singer with the amazing tenor voice and wide vibrato AARON NEVILLE (66) has had a career as a solo artist and also as one of the Neville Brothers. ("Signature song, "Tell It Like It Is")
"The Greatest" heavyweight champion, Sportsman of the Century, MUHAMMAD ALI celebrated his 65th birthday Wednesday night watching his old friend Billy Crystal perform at Arizona State University.
The former heavyweight champion joined the comedian on stage, receiving a minute-long standing ovation from the crowd and a cake from Crystal's wife.
The nearly 2,000 people who came to see Crystal's one-man show, "700 Sundays," chanted "Ali! Ali! Ali!"
Crystal and Ali held up fists in a mock stare-down as Crystal's wife, Janice, came out with a cake with one candle lit. Ali dipped his finger in the cake and, arm in arm, the boxer and the comedian blew out the candle and walked off stage.
The incredible singer-songwriter-actress DOLLY PARTON is ONLY 61. Yes, I love Dolly's Greatest Hits!
Smart-Ass liberal comedian, social critic and host BILL MAHER is 51. Yes, he's an atheist.
Versatile, nuanced, beautiful actress DIANE LANE is 41.
Atheism leaves a man to sense, to philosophy, to natural piety, to laws, to reputation; all of which may be guides to an outward moral virtue, even if religion vanished; but religious superstition dismounts all these and erects an absolute monarchy in the minds of men. [Francis Bacon]
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, "Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?" [Quentin Crisp]
Collective fear stimulates herd instinct, and tends to produce ferocity toward those who are not regarded as members of the herd. [Bertrand Russell]
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Welcome to our Museum of Collectable Clutter, Kitsch & Whimsey here in Metro Fairborn, Ohio. Our motto, which Da pagan Baby has cross-stitched into an adorably sampler is "Lifes a bitsch in a home without kitsch!"
I'm your host, Rev' Art, retired eccentric. In 2003 I retired and we moved to this bustling over-55 community in Fairborn. What a thrilling feeling of accomplishment - to graduate into a brand new world - magna cum loiter!
In my academic pursuits, I've attended the University of Dayton, Sinclair College, American Meat institute, W. Clement Stone Sales & Motivational Training Institute, and the Universal Life Church Mail-Order Ministries, where the late Bishop Kirby Hensley bestowed the Doctorate of Motivation on me in 1997. Currently, I'm seeking a Bachelor of Twenty-twenty Hindsight Degree from the School of Hard Knocks.
The buffet today features one o' those wacky Rachel Ray recipes - SANGRIA ON A STICK!
Gallery of The Absurd
Rachel as Chipmonk...
It's great to be an American - where every citizen belongs to a privileged class!
What's that, Charles? You disagree?
That's the PRIVILEGE!
You're new here, aren't you? Charles? What do you do? No shit, an entomologist? You might be interested to know that the fellow standing next to you may be an interesting specimen for you to study. Yeah, meet Ralph. He's a barfly!
Yeah, Ralph is regarded in taverns all over town as one of their unsteadiest customers. If it weren't for complementary popcorn and pretzels, he'd be on a complete liquid diet.
Proceeds from this week's STAND-UP will go to "Volunteerism…..The Other White Meat."
YUP! You should Volunteer! …What the fuck else are you going to do with a liberal arts degree? Volunteer, cause you'd like your resume to be at least ¾ of a page, right?
ELTON CAT
Don't wait too long to reserve a room in Fairborn. Some friends of ours from Cincinnati decided to stay over after attending a concert at The Nuthouse Center. They discovered all the major motels were booked. A security guard gave them the name of a couple of "Mom & Pop" motels in Fairborn. One had a vacancy, but when they requested a nonsmoking room, a sweet, matronly voice apologized. "We don't have any nonsmoking rooms, but I'll remove the ashtrays for you."
I have an interstellar-chronograph watch - a timepiece used by U.S. astronauts. Recently I noticed that the winding stem was missing. I looked on the internet for an authorized dealer, found one right here in Fairborn, and rushed over to his shop. The jeweler explained, with undue nonchalance in my opinion, that he did not have a part that would fit my model. "You don't have the part?" I asked incredulously. ''Why, this watch went to the moon!"
"That may be," the jeweler replied patiently, "but it ain't made it to Fairborn yet."
Hey Frank! Nice outfit! You look like the Lone Ranger after the repo man took Silver...
Our beautiful kitty Sylvia is 16. She doesn't DO cat years, thank you very much!
Sylvia is a mix. She's black with a white tuxedo front and boots. This coloring on a cat is referred to as "piebald". Sylvia has a short stocky body type, which is called "boggy".
So, Sylvia's our sweet li'l moggie,
Piebald and boggy.

I played electrician this week. I bought a new wall switch. I noticed with little surprise that the switch was made in China and came with a small booklet of instructions in Chinese and in English. The final page showed photographs of the switch in the "on" and "off" positions, the first captioned "Light on" and the second, "Dark on."

Research shows the big tobacco companies have boosted the amount of nicotine in cigarettes. And that's what makes smoking so addictive these days... it's just such a good value!
We love being able to go to smoke-free restaurants and bars since we voted in the smoking ban in Ohio. I see some of your faces turning ugly and I hear your grumbling - but look at it this way, you were gonna have t' quit sooner of later. I don't believe in an afterlife, if you do - smoking can kill you - and if it does, the only place where smoking would then be allowed is where you wouldn't want to be, right.

Da Pagan Baby and I went to see a movie last weekend. As lights in the theater dimmed and the movie was about to begin, we noticed a young man coming down the aisle with two boxes of popcorn. We watched as he paced up and down, scanning the crowd in the near total darkness. After several seconds he stopped and asked in a loud voice, " Does anyone recognize me?"

Greg Gutfeld: When successful women are difficult, rude and self-important they are celebrated by other women as "divas". When successful men act this way, other men refer to them as "assholes".

Greg Gutfeld: When men look at team photos of girls college sports teams, they instinctively count the number of women they'd have sex with. The highest number will always occur in lacrosse.

WHOA!! Knott's Berry Farm has merged with the National Organization of Women. They're joining forces to become Knott NOW!
There is no conclusive evidence about what happens to old skeptics, but their future is doubtful.
Did you read about the collision of those two cruise ships? One had red paint, one had blue paint. As I said, they collided. At last report, the survivors were marooned.

My brother in Clearwater, Florida quit his job as a professional fisherman. He discovered that he and his wife couldn't live on his net income.
ASCII silly question, Get a silly ANSI... I asked Mom if I was a gifted child. She said they certainly would NOT have paid money for me.
A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother...

A thumper showed up on my doorstep this week. He was carrying his Bible, as if he expected someone to request a fave passage or somethin'. He proclaimed, "Gaw-hawd created everyone - the big and the small!"
I replied, "I don't know about that, but Messrs. Smith & Wesson made them equal... Now get the fuck off my porch, idiot-fundangelical!"
Friends! Half of all people have an IQ under 100. Just think of it! In any meeting, look around the room for the idiot. If you don't see one, it's you. Unless it's a MENSA meeting.
Never underestimate stupid people... especially in large crowds!

VIDEO - I thought I had seen EVERY episode of Mister Rogers TV program - but...
Mister Rogers - Land of Make Believe CLICK IT!
Always remember there are only two kinds of people in this world- - the realists and the dreamers. The realists know where they're going. The dreamers have already been there.
I MUST be OFF!!
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Da Rev: DUBYA's channeling General Westmoreland. He says he sees light at the end of the tunnel. We Democrats say HE got us in the fuckin' TUNNEL t' begin with!
Da Rev: I know, we must "respect the Office of the Presidency", blah, blah, but George W. Bush should be suspended, mid-air, while forced to wear a ball-gag and shorn of all body hair as he`s smeared, head to toe, with his own feces. That should do it. Oh, c'mon! Hanging malevolent (stupid) dictators is SO barbaric.
Jim Treacher:
Here is a complete list of the other things likely to deepen hatred between Sunni and Shia in Iraq:
Anything.
Everything.

Letterman: Question for Fidel Castro: "Which fatigues would you like to be buried in, the olive green ones or the slightly darker olive green ones?"

Letterman:
SOME THINGS YOU MAY NOT HAVE KNOWN ABOUT BARACK OBAMA
As a child, he was taunted with "Obama's so fat" jokes...
Real last name: Obamawitz.
At Senate hearings, he throws on his iPod whenever John Kerry has the floor.
Makes immigration speeches as hilarious, uninformed foreigner "Borat Obama".
Senator Obama is only running for president to piss off Hillary!


AL FRANKEN WEIGHS SENATE BID
Minneapolis, MN (LaughFish.com) - "Saturday Night Live" comedian and liberal radio host Al Franken said today that he is considering a bid for Senate in Minnesota against Republican Senator Norm Coleman. When asked why he think he can win, Franken replied "I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggone it, people like me."

Comedian Argus Hamilton

President Bush told CBS's 60 Minutes last Sunday he felt no particular satisfaction when Saddam Hussein was hanged two weeks ago. How could he? During the reading of the will he found out he inherited the Shiites, and the fun went right out of it.



Morocco convicted two journalists for insulting Islam after their magazine published jokes about the religion. They are putting people in jail for disrespectful jokes. Dick Cheney just declared Morocco a Shining City on a Hill.

The Los Angeles Times editorial page recommended California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger for president last Sunday even though the Constitution says he's not allowed to run. You never know. After eight years of the Bush administration there might not be enough Constitution left to keep a foreigner out of the White House.

Condi Rice was in the Middle East this last weekend trying to broker a peace deal between the Palestinians and Israelis. She has little leverage. It's hard to impress Muslims or Jews by telling them you represent a president who talks to Jesus.

Pope Benedict took up for the rights of immigrants last week. He speaks from experience. As a young man he left Germany for Belgium, then Holland, and then he went to Denmark and then France, and then Eisenhower landed and chased his ass back home.

The Norman Transcript reported that the Creation Truth Foundation is planning to open a museum of creationism in Dallas. The twenty-thousand-square-foot facility will be called the Museum of Earth History. And you guessed it, it will be built in six days.
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Leno: A skull was found in Romania that has both human and Neanderthal features. Scientists believe this could be the oldest Cleveland Browns fan.

Indianapolis Colt Adam Vinatieri kicked a record five field goals last Sunday. He has some bloodline. Adam Vinatieri is Evel Knievel's cousin and the great-grandson of General Custer's bandmaster, giving him virtually the same DNA as President Bush.

Air Force sergeant Michelle Manhart was kicked out of the service for posing nude in the February issue of Playboy. It's outrageous! At a time when our armed forces are fighting for freedom, the Taliban has taken over the Air Force...
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The revolution will be sensualized by Pagan Moss

CLICK here, Ladies for Heather's Muscles & Chocolates

FIERY ACTRESS-PRODUCER-DIRECTOR BARBARA STANWYCK
A mortician was working late one night. It was his job to examine the dead bodies before they were sent off to be buried or cremated. As he examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, who was about to be cremated, he made an amazing discovery. Schwartz had the longest schlong he had ever seen! "I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz," said the mortician, "But I can't send you off to be cremated with a tremendously huge schlong like this. It has to be saved for posterity."
And with that the coroner used his tools to remove the dead man's schlong. The coroner stuffed his prize into a briefcase and took it home. The first person he showed was his wife. "I have something to show you that you won't believe," he said, and opened his briefcase
"Oh my God!" she screamed, "Schwartz is dead?!"

Sadie lost her husband almost four years ago and still has not gotten out of her depression, mourning as if it were only yesterday. Her daughter constantly is calling her and urging her to get back into the world. Finally, Sadie says she'd go out, but didn't know anyone. Her daughter immediately replies, "Mama! I have someone for you to meet."
Well, it was an immediate hit. They took to one another and after dating for six weeks he asks her to join him for a weekend in the Catskills. And we know what that meant - One room and the normal follow up to that.
Their first night there she undresses as he does. There she stood nude except for a pair of black lacy panties. He in his birthday suit. Looking at her, he asks "Why the panties?"
She replies, "My breasts you can fondle, my body is yours to explore, but down there I am still in mourning."
He knows he's not getting lucky that night. The following night the same scenario. She standing there with the black panties on and he in his birthday suit; except that he has an erection on which he has a black condom. She looks at him and asks, "What's with this. . . a black condom?"
He replies, "I'm going to offer my condolences."

Baby seal walks into a club. }}}ohhh...{{{


Bill worked in a pickle factory, He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day and confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer. His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about him, but Bill indicated that he'd be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own, One day a few weeks later, Bill came home absolutely ashen. His wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong. "What's wrong, Bill?" she asked.
"Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer"'
"Oh, Bill, you didn't.”
'Yes, I did.'
'My God, Bill, what happened?"
"I got fired."
"No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?"
"Oh, she got fired too."

A man was visiting his wife in hospital where she has been in a coma for several years. On this visit he decided to rub her left breast Instead of just talking to her, on doing this she let out a sigh. The man ran out and told the doctor who said that was a good sign and suggested he should try rubbing her right breast to see If there is any reaction. The husband went in and rubbed her right breast, This produced a moan from his wife. He rushed out and told the doctor. The doctor said this was amazing and a real breakthrough, The doctor then suggested the man should go in and try oral sex saying he would wait outside as it is a personal act and he didn't want the man to be embarrassed.
The man goes in, then came out about five minutes later, while as a sheet. He told the doctor his wife is dead. The doctor asked what happen to which the man replied, "She choked!"

DR. RUTH WESTHEIMER OFFERS SAGE ADVICE...
Good fortune. COMMENT. Please spread the meme. Don't smoke in bed...