PISS ON EVER'THIN' -
T-DAY'S SATURDAY, February 16, 2007
NOTES FROM THE INFIDEL INSURGENCY... Yes, I am a member of the Vast Atheist Conspiracy (VAC).
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*HIGH EGO EMISSIONS ZONE*
In the loose, American-led coalition fighting the war, “3,122 Americans, two Australians, 132 Britons, 13 Bulgarians, six Danes, two Dutch, two Estonians, one Fijian, one Hungarian, 32 Italians, one Kazakh, three Latvian, 18 Poles, two Romanians, five Salvadoran, four Slovaks, 11 Spaniards, two Thai and 18 Ukrainians” were dead by Feb. 12, CNN reports.
What is the TOTAL human death toll in Bush's War? As long as we don’t assign names and faces to the dead on the other side, we diminish the innocents and give more fodder to our enemies. Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health issued a report last year claiming that an estimated 100,000 Iraqis have died since the invasion and the risk of death by violence for Iraqi civilians is 58 times higher than before the invasion. It way surpasses other estimates of civilian deaths that range from 10,000 to more than 37,000. 
Actor Hugh Beaumont, who played Ward Cleaver, the perfect father no one ever had on "Leave it to Beaver", would be 98. The actor was an ordained minister with a Master of Theology degree. 
Shown (right), "Danger Zone".
5-time Oscar nominee Arthur Kennedy would be 93. He starred in several well-received films in the late 1940s and the 1950s, on up into the late '60s, including High Sierra, They Died with Their Boots On, Boomerang!, Champion, The Window, The Glass Menagerie, Bright Victory, Bend of the River, The Lusty Men, Rancho Notorious, The Desperate Hours, Lawrence of Arabia, The Man From Laramie, The Naked Dawn, Trial, Peyton Place, Some Came Running, A Summer Place and Elmer Gantry, The Prize.
Debonair Actor Kevin McCarthy is 93.
Brassy blond lead singer Patty Andrews (The Singing Andrews Sisters) (87 or 89) is the surviving member of the group.
Oscar-Winning Actor Sidney Poitier is 83. In June 2006, the AFI released its list of the 100 Most Inspiring Movies. Poitier was the only actor to have five of his films appear on the list (The Defiant Ones, A Raisin in the Sun, Lilies of the Field, Guess Who's Coming to Dinner, and In the Heat of the Night).
Tough-Guy Actor Vic Morrow would be 75 or 78. His first movie following the Actor's Studio was "The Blackboard Jungle"-1955.
Morrow died on the set of Twilight Zone: The Movie (1983) while holding two small children (Myca Dinh Le and Renee Shin-Yi Chen). A helicopter being used on the set spun out of control and crashed, decapitating him and one of the children with its rotor blades. The remaining child was crushed to death as the helicopter crashed. His daughter is Jennifer Jason Leigh.
"The Simpsons" Creator, cartoonist-animator-producer-screenwriterMatt Groeningis 53. Matt's one o' Da Rev's Atheist Pin-Ups
Bright, sexy Super Model-Actress CINDY CRAWFORD is 40. 
(Didn't the "Okie From Muskogee" diss DUBYA's war and support the Dixie Chicks' right to speak their minds? Damn straight, he did.)
<= "MIGHTY MERLE"
“The country needs to be honest,
Change needs to be large.
Let’s put a woman in charge...”
[69-year-old country legend Merle Haggard, crooning a new song about a woman named “Hillary.”]
(But Darwin wasn't a Jew, was he?)
"Indisputable evidence — long hidden but now available to everyone — demonstrates conclusively that so-called “secular evolution science” is the Big-Bang 15-billion-year alternate “creation scenario” of the Pharisee Religion. This scenario is derived concept-for-concept from Rabbinic writings in the mystic “holy book” Kabbala dating back at least two millennia." [Idiot-Fundangelical Georgia State Senator Ben Bridges]
(I want only straight men to see my penis...)
"You know, I hate gay people, so I let it be known. I don’t like gay people and I don’t like to be around gay people. I am homophobic. I don’t like it. It shouldn’t be in the world or in the United States." [Former NBA Point Guard Tim Hardaway]
(COMMENT: Homophobes like NBA's Tim Hardaway, and conservatives in general, hate gays because they are worried that they are going to wake up one morning with a cock in their mouths. That is why Tim changed his name to Hard Away...)
Wonkette
"How does he feel to be an American these days? ‘I’m a little bit ashamed, because you go abroad now and everyone hates Americans,’ he said. ‘I was in Florence, Italy — it was my birthday; I’d just turned 21 — and everyone was like, 'Oh, America — fuck America!' And I was like, “No, NOT fuck America. There are a lot of great people who don’t back Bush, so don’t judge me.” [Paul Johnson-Calderon, a 23-year-old fashionista clubbing in NYC, wearing a Balenciaga tunic...]
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Welcome to our warm, cozy home in Metro Fairborn, Ohio, where we're smart enough to know that the WARMEST January on record doesn't make the case for global warming - and the COLDEST, SNOWINGEST February in ages doesn't refute it. Still...
(I'm gettin' up a huntin' party to go to a particular little burg in Pennsylvania to blow a certain rodent media darling to smithereens...) 
Speaking of heavy snow...
People in the upstate New York town of Oswego are hoping for a break in the weather after more than 115 inches of snow has fallen in the last several days. But you know, I've been to Oswego and believe me, it looks a lot better covered in snow.
I have something I'd like read into the record and reported in all the tabloids - "DA REV DENIES FATHERING ANNA NICOLE'S BABY!" It seems every male on the planet has an equal chance of being the father of Anna Nicole Smith's daughter. You know who I'd like to see named the baby/daddy? BARACK OBAMA!! Wow! Talk about givin' a tired story a strong new pair o' legs!
Too much media coverage? The delightfully tawdry Ms. Anna Nicole Smith has earned every minute.
Proceeds from this weekend's STAND-UP will be forwarded to the "Man's Sickness Foundation"...
The buffet this weekend has been catered by Wun Hung Lo and 27 members of his immediate family. Please keep the line moving. No matter how long you deliberate over a menu or buffet station with Asian food, you'll always get the same dishes you always do. 
How many have read Finnegan`s Wake and/or Ulysses? Go ahead, raise your hand. No one will call you on it because no one you know has read 'em either... 
So - Jesus is makin' Sabbat reservations for the family: "Yes, Me, Myself Almighty, Mom, and Mom's husband..."
Can we please quit strokin' each other with PC responses to tough questions? If you had an embarrassing, painful or potentially deadly STD, would you risk missing a night of crazy, anonymous, monkey sex with a one night stand by telling them about it before hand? Whatever your answer - do you think everybody feels this way? 
Maybe, just maybe - high fiber granola & muffin flatulence is what's causing global warming...
About 5 years ago I appeared on one of those community service programs with the director of our radio reading service for the blind. I recall we all carefully tuned in at the appointed hour, 'cuz we didn't want to miss our talking-head moment. Here's something I didn't realize - that damn thing get pulled out of the vaults and rerun any time the infomercial gets lost in transit. There I was, fighting insomnia, watching myself Wednesday morning. If you appear on television at two or three or four in the morning, a large percentage of theaudience is very, very stoned. Well... I was...
As income tax time approaches, did you ever notice that when you put the words "The" and "IRS" together - it spells "THEIRS"?
The band "Smashing Pumpkins" recently reunited for an album and a tour. You may not realize that choosing a band name is not a simple task. "Smashing Pumpkins", for instance, considered these: "Wearing Costumes", "Egging Houses", and "Razorblading Snickers"...
I wonder - what's the rate of return on all this e-mail spam? .001 per 1,000,000? Lately I'm getting e-mails offering to put million$ in my bank account from really hot-looking chicks from Nigeria (photos attached). Seriously, if you think there is a pill you can take that will magically enlarge your penis, perhaps you should worry about your peanut-size brain...
White chocolate is a cruel joke...
Speaking of cruel jokes - Bush's little joke on America was to be reading a book about goats while goat herders were flying airplanes into the WTC. Ha ha DUMBYA, we get it. CHEESES! WHAT a fuckin' RETARD!
Nothing that we learn of history is completely reliable. A few months ago I ran across a really old book that lists "Attila the Hung"...
Never give your girlfriend lingerie that you wouldn't want her to end up wearing for some other dude someday...
)__=> "Jesus makes me SOooo tired...")
Got a Lotto ticket in your pocket? C'mon, you're much more likely to kill yourself than to win the lottery...
WOW! Did you see this?! NBC News showed video of former President Bush in the Beverly Hilton parking lot Tuesday saying good-bye to actress Teri Hatcher. He squeezed her twice on the rear end. He's been at the practice tee for months with Bill Clinton working on his grip.
Da Rev says Bush 41must be LOSIN' it! If you're gonna pull a bone-headed move like that in front of cameras - it should be with someone who actually HAS a BUTT. J-Lo and Beyonce SPRING to mind!
Uh-oh, Da Pagan Baby insists - I MUST be OFF!!
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Help Save NPR and PBS Once and For All. Please take just a moment to sign the petition! 
MR. & MRS. AMERICA! THE AL FRANKEN DECADE HAS BEGUN!!
Al announced his challenge of Norm Coleman (R-MN) in his comical Borscht Belt imitation of his father’s accent... (Da Rev predicts victory for the Jew...) ;-) 
Tom Tancredo is a SHAAH (self-important, humorless, auto-fellating, ass hat). He's also my bet to be the next Mark Foley. 
Nancy Pelosi was a good looking piece of ass back in the day...
Neo-Con Con: Frank Gaffney, Jr. opened his latest column with this: "Congressmen who willfully take actions during wartime that damage morale and undermine the military are saboteurs and should be arrested, exiled, or hanged." He attributed it to President Abraham Lincoln! It's a fucking LIE!
REV. ART-MINISTER OF RANTS HAS JOINED 
It's BIG!! JOIN HERE!
NOW - What do I have to do to qualify for Google News?
Jake Novak's Humor Blog
State Farm Disses Mississippi
Executives at State Farm have decided they will no longer offer any policies in Mississippi... which is a shame, since that's the only company that still provides outhouse insurance.
Sadr in Iran
The U.S. military says Iraqi Shiite cleric Muqtada al-Sadr is now in Iran... although it's not clear if he's hiding from the Americans or just early for the next Holocaust denial conference.
Lebanon Attacks
Three civilians were killed and 19 wounded in two terrorist bus bombings in Lebanon Tuesday... but since the Israelis didn't have anything to do with it, no one in the world is going to pay any attention.
Monkey Tools
Chimpanzees may have been using stone "hammers" as long as 4,300 years ago according to an international team of archaeologists. It's not clear if we humans started using hammers before the chimps, or if we simply waited until they went on sale at Home Depot. 
Dolphin Patrol
The U.S. Navy is training dozens of dolphins and sea lions to detect and apprehend waterborne attackers near a base in Washington state. The Navy says training the animals is easy, the hard part is trying to find out which ones are gay.
Comedian Argus Hamilton
Iran's president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad tried to persuade ABC's Diane Sawyer last Monday that Iran is not a threat to the Middle East. The U.S. government knows he has missiles that threaten the entire region. Ollie North still has the receipts. 
Reverend Tim Ralph declared Friday that evangelical pastor Ted Haggard is no longer gay. After three weeks of therapy, Haggard discovered that he's straight. Denial like this doesn't belong in the church, it belongs in the Bush administration. 
The UCLA School of Medicine released the results of a major medical research project which found that pot smoking does not cause cancer. It found that pot may even help prolong life. Willie Nelson's doctor just diagnosed his condition as immortal. 
Mitt Romney infuriated Jewish groups by speaking at the Henry Ford Museum on Tuesday. The automaker was a rabid anti-Semite. God is so backlogged with cases of anti-Semitism that it's taken a hundred years for him to get around to Ford Motor Company. 
Bob Woodward played a tape in court Monday of Richard Armitage outing Valerie Plame as a CIA agent while they talked in his office at the State Department. The tape's devastating. You can clearly hear the Kool-Aid being poured in the background.
Vladimir Putin denounced the U.S. for militarism in his speech at a conference in Germany. The Germans are angry at him. It was considered bad manners to accuse the United States of militarism without mentioning the host country's contributions in this area. 
President Bush attended a dinner at Ford's Theatre in Washington D.C. to honor the bicentennial of Abe Lincoln's birth. The president must envy the skills of the rail splitter. Several times during his toast he referred to him as the "Great Enunciator". 
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The Westminster Kennel Club's annual dog show was held at Madison Square Garden last week. Good bloodlines are no guarantee the offspring will be champions. Jeb Bush watches it every year and wonders why he was the one who had to be euthanized. 
Britney Spears was photographed at a tattoo shop "Body and Soul" in Los Angeles, getting a tattoo reportedly of a pair of red and pink lips on her wrist, reports www.Hollywood.tv.
Gallery of the Absurd
Jake Novak's Humor Blog
Harvard Grads
A new survey shows that 13% of the Harvard Law School class of 2006 is now working in hedge funds, where their average salary is $289,000 per year. The other 87% are working on one or more of the cases involving Anna Nicole Smith.
Anna Nicole Smith's refrigerator contents were photographed and televised last week, showing the lower compartment shelf filled with methadone and Slim Fast. Her attorneys were horrified. She was under contract to promote Trim Spa and heroin. 
Nashville Mayor Bill Purcell vetoed a measure on Monday that would have made English the official language of Nashville. He wants to extend a hand to all refugees. He just called the Dixie Chicks in Hollywood and told them all's forgiven. 
HEATHER'S MUSCLES AND CHOCOLATE
The two things women like most!
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<= "She's volcanic hot, like... I bet I'd need an oven mitt to feel her up."
(Lymerick, actually)
There was a young man from Old Lyme
Who married three girls at one time.
When asked "why the third?"
He replied "One's absurd
And bigamy, my friend, is a crime."
ACTRESS SHANNON ELIZABETH
Mike and I are driving and we pass a roadhouse near Franklin. We see a sign out front that says "Happy Hour Special - Lobster tail and beer."
Mike turns to me and says "Let's stop. Those are my three favorite things!"
<= ACTRESS, PRODUCER, DIRECTOR IDA LUPINO
Two men were adrift in a life boat following a dramatic escape from a burning freight vessel. While rummaging through the boat's provisions, one of the men stumbled across an old lamp. Secretly hoping that a genie would appear, he rubbed the lamp vigorously. To the amazement of the castaways, a genie came forth! This particular genie, however, stated that she could only deliver one wish, not the standard three. Without giving much thought to the matter the man blurted out, "Make the entire ocean into beer!"
Immediately the genie clapped her hands with a deafening crash, and the entire sea turned into the finest brew ever sampled by mortals. Simultaneously, the genie vanished to her freedom. Only the gentle lapping of beer on the hull broke the stillness as the two men considered their circumstances. The other man looked disgustedly at the one whose wish had been granted. After a long, tension-filled moment, he spoke: "Nice going! Now we're going to have to piss in the boat."
A grasshopper comes into a bar and the bartender says, "Hey, we've got a drink named after you."
The grasshopper says, "Why would anyone name a drink Kevin?" 
ANA - LATINA WITH BIG BOOBS & BRACES... (Oral gratification not recommended!)
How do you make your wife scream when you are having an orgasm?? Call and tell her where you are... 
A Marine Corps fighter pilot who had flown in Vietnam and Iraq, and had many combat missions was flying a commercial flight and was seated beside a young woman who had a newborn in her arms. At one point she discretely covered herself and started breastfeeding her child. She asked the Marine if he minded, and he said that it didn’t bother him. She added that her pediatritian recommended breastfeeding to help equalize the pressure in the baby’s ears while flying.
The Marine replied, “Damn! All these years, I’ve been chewing gum."
LORDY, LORDY, CINDY'S FORTY!
Good fortune. COMMENT. Please spread the meme. Don't smoke in bed...
