(Good luck with that, Your Excellency...)
March 3, 2007
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DA REV'S BACK IN BLACK!!
DOES THIS NEW BLOG SKIN MAKE ME LOOK TALLER?
AND - Da Rev has a brand new blog - Rev. Art's Atheist Pin-Ups!
Actually, I’m transferring and updating the old Atheist Pin-Up Photo Album.
I hope to complete the transfer SOON. I do ALL the dirty work around here…
Arthur M. Schlesinger Jr. (89) Pulitzer Prize-winning historian and Kennedy insider who helped to define mainstream liberalism during the Cold War and remained an eminent public thinker into the 21st century. Schlesinger’s more than 20 books shaped discussions for two generations about America’s past. He died of a heart attack in New York City on February 28, 2007.
Herman Brix (100) athlete who parlayed a silver medal for the shot put in the 1928 Olympics into a Hollywood career that included playing Tarzan in a 1935 movie. Brix, who later adopted the stage name BRUCE BENNETT, appeared as Joan Crawford’s husband in Mildred Pierce (1945) and as an ill-fated gold prospector in The Treasure of the Sierra Madre (1948). He died of complications from a broken hip in Santa Monica, California on February 24, 2007.
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Blind country-folk-bluegrass singer-guitarist-banjo picker Arthel L. “DOC” WATSON (84).
Super-sized character actor, CHARLES DURNING (84) is a decorated WWII / Normandy Invasion vet.
Actor KELLY BISHOP (63) plays Lorelei’s mom on “The Gillmore Girls”.
Award-Winning Actress MERCEDES RUEHL (59) started out a Catholic girl from Queens. Of course, she drives a Mercedes…
RONald William HOWARD (53) is a two-time Academy Award-winning American actor, film director, and producer. Ronnie Howard played Sheriff Taylor‘s kid “Opie” on the Andy Griffith TV Show.
Actor-comedian GILBERT GOTTFRIED (52) is the “Miles Davis of Comedy” [Paul Provenza]
"Out of the 101 comedians who appear on screen (including Robin Williams, Sarah Silverman, Eric Idle and Lewis Black), no one is funnier - or more disgusting - than...Gilbert Gottfried." [THE ARISTOCRATS / Entertainment Weekly]
I like chili, but not enough to discuss it with someone from Texas.
If you shoot at a king you must kill him. [Calvin Trillin]
Cats are autocrats of naked self-interest. They are both amoral and immoral, consciously breaking rules. Their "evil" look at such times is no human projection: the cat may be the only animal who savors the perverse or reflects upon it.
A serious problem in America is the gap between academe and the mass media, which is our culture. Professors of humanities, with all their leftist fantasies, have little direct knowledge of American life and no impact whatever on public policy. [Camille Paglia]
Welcome to our modest home here in Metro Fairborn, Ohio. The house seems solid, don’t y’ think? I’m keeping’ my checkbook open. Y’ see, for instance, I have NO idea about anything structural. Hell, I can’t even make sawdust.
Nope - I’m not much of a handyman, but fortunately, here in Fairborn, we still have a real, old-fashioned hardware store. Hank’s is the hardware store you remember - with "dusty, sixty-watt warrens with the wood floors, cracked linoleum, poured concrete painted blood red with the scent of paint thinner, pesticides, plastic hoses coiled like serpents in a garden paradisal with screws in buckets or bins against a brick wall with hand-lettered signs in ball-point pen — Carriage screws, two dozen for fifty cents — long vicious dry-wall screws, thick wood screws like peasants digging potatoes in fields, thin elegant trim screws— New York dames at a backwoods hick Sunday School picnic. O universal clevis pins, seven holes in the shank, like the seven deadly sins!"
PARTY - IT'S PURIM!
There’s Hank, "sunburnt with stomach and no ass, a man who knows the mythology of nails, a Zeus enthroned on an Olympus of weak coffee, bad haircut, and tin cans of galvanized casting nails, sinker nails, brads, 20-penny common nails, duplex head nails, flooring nails like railroad spikes, finish nails, fence staples, cotter pins, roofing nails — flat-headed as Floyd Crawford, who lived next door to us in Kettering for years but would never say hi or make eye contact. What a career in hardware HE could have had, his blue-black hair slicked back with brilliantine, rolling a toothpick between his teeth while sorting screw eyes and carpet tacks."
You can lose yourself in Hank’s "subatomic world of toggle bolts, cap screws, hinch-pin clips, split-lock washers. And the tools — saws, rakes, wrenches, ratchets, drills, chisels, and hose heads, hose couplings, sandpaper (garnet, production, wet or dry), hinges, wire nails, caulk, nuts, lag screws, pulleys, vise grips, hexbolts, fender washers all in a primordial stew of laconic talk about football, baseball, who'll start for the (Reds), St. Louis, the Phillies, the Cubs?"
I wonder if Hank’s familiar at all with Barbara Hamby, whose poem, "Ode to Hardware Stores" is included in Babel. © University of Pittsburgh Press. Reprinted with permission… (buy now)
I ran into Hank yesterday at the restaurant next door to the hardware store. They had a "If It Smells Funny It’s Half Price" Special.
OH - Don’t let me forget! The proceeds from this weekend’s STAND-UP are going to help the “Sickle Cell Armenians”!
I’ve started on the Chet Atkins Diet (Meat, Eggs, Boiled Guitar Strings)…
Thanks t' GREG...
I see Corby’s here. He’s asked me to lay off the Britney jokes. Corby used to date a woman named Britney, and she too was a raving psycho. To Corby, Britney isn't a name, it's an adjective.
Don’t feel bad if you hardly ever get lucky in bars. Think about it. You’ll feel exactly the same way five minutes after banging the hottest girl at the bar as you will staying home and rubbing one off. Sleepy and indifferent...
I HATE to be the guy who has to point out to you that even if you win a medal in the Special Olympics, you're still retarded.
I’m getting’ the sign from Da Pagan Baby. I MUST be OFF!
RANT, REV, RANT! Has the level of political discourse become more civil now that the DEMS control both houses of congress? Well, if anything, some of the Reactionaries seem more desperate and tasteless than ever:
"I was going to have a few comments on the other Democratic presidential candidate John Edwards, but it turns out you have to go into rehab if you use the word "faggot," so I — so kind of an impasse, can't really talk about Edwards."
[Ugly, bigoted, lesbian Wing Nut ANN COULTER] (“MAN COLTFACE” - she’s such a CUNT - no, wait, s/he’s NOT!)
I've seen doors lying on the floor that were less unhinged than Ann Coulter. There is absolutely no excuse for tolerating her disgusting act, and if the Republican party continues to countenance it, they deserve to lose every fucking election from here to eternity.
She is trash, pure and simple. [Andrew Levy - FAUX News pundit]
NOTE TO GEFFEN & OTHER CLUELESS LEFTIES:
FRY LEONARD PELTIER! He's a convicted murderer of a US Government Agent! Geffen's pissin' match with Hillary ain't helpin' Barry's candidacy with THIS Democrat!
Greg
If Barack Obama was named Brian O`Bannon you would have never heard of him and he certainly would not be running for president.
(THE DEMS NEED TO PUT A FACE ON THEIR IRAQ WAR POLICY - THIS AIN'T IT!)
There was a time when Cindy Sheehan had moral capital, now she`s crazy as bat shit.
Wonkette
The Secretary of the Army got tossed out... for losing the war in Iraq... NOT! For not keeping the hospital clean enough, because that’s apparently what the secretary of the Army is supposed to do for this administration.
He was “Dr. Francis J. Harvey,” and we hadn’t ever heard of him, either. But it’s good to know that when some serious military outrage is uncovered like - Abu Ghraib or Camp X-Ray or the whole Iraq War or 9/11 or Afghanistan or Pat Tillman shot by his own troops or that Jessica Lynch fable... NOT! - or a hospital room that is very dirty, people will be held accountable.
The Baltimore Sun today reveals this shocking story:
According to the research, one of Obama’s great-great-great-great grandfathers, George Washington Overall, owned two slaves who were recorded in the 1850 Census in Nelson County, Ky. The same records show that one of Obama’s great-great-great-great-great-grandmothers, Mary Duvall, also owned two slaves.
Of course, the piece doesn’t actually say the slaves were ancestors of Al Sharpton, but who else could they have been?
We demand congressional investigations, public trials, etc. etc. etc.. That Barry Hussein’s always plotting against us and the Black Man.
White House
Press Secretary Tony Snow's Brief Statement to the Press Concerning Luxury Vet Spa at Walter Reed Hospital
"Let me state further that Walter Reed is the first stateside stop on many a noble, wounded hero's exciting victory parade home to decades of heartbreaking, liquor-drenched obscurity in a double-wide trailer while pondering tortured dreams of what could have been – if only said hero still had a leg(s), arm(s) or face."
Comedian Argus Hamilton
The Washington Post poll showed Hillary Clinton lost black voters to Barack Obama last month. She's nothing if not adaptable. Hillary was last seen trilling her consonants and putting the finishing touches on her new book "It Takes a Pueblo".
Mitt Romney's secret campaign play book was leaked to the press Tuesday. His strategists reveal they're going to try to turn Hillary into a Frenchwoman. Bill Clinton offered to donate to the campaign if they'd turn her into Catherine Deneuve.
President Bush told the National Governors Association he never stops thinking about the War on Terror. He said every morning he wakes up and the first thing he does is face the threat to America. Most guys call that shaving.
Al Sharpton said he was outraged to learn he's a descendant of slaves owned by Strom Thurmond's ancestors. You can imagine his embarrassment. All his friends at the club are descendants of slaves belonging to Bill Clinton's ancestors. 
Hillary Clinton said she'd use Bill Clinton as a diplomat. She is not worried about him at all. At the rate the Bush foreign policy is progressing, soon every country in the world will require their women to be covered from head to toe. 
England suffered a train derailment last week on the London-to-Glasgow line. It was impossible not to watch. The locomotive went wheels-up in the air when it ran off the tracks and, just like the train wreck in America, it wasn't wearing panties. 
Jake Novak's Humor Blog
Israeli Rape Case
Bedouin suspects in a serial rape case in Israel say they committed the crimes as revenge for actions by the Israeli army... although it's not clear how raping camels hurts the Israeli army.
MORE from Argus
The Lost Tomb of Jesus, a documentary made by Titanic director James Cameron, airs on Discovery Channel Sunday. It's amazing if true. They found two stone boxes that they say once held the bones of Jesus, Mary Magdalene and their son Judah Herbert Walker Bush.
Titanic director James Cameron promoted his Discovery Channel documentary by saying he found a stone box that once held the bones of Jesus Christ. The tomb is empty. Apparently his relatives are still in Florida fighting over the body. 
John McLame announced for president on David Letterman's show Wednesday. However, his formal announcement isn't until April. These days if you want to run for president you have to clear it with the comedians before you run it by the public. 
___)=> CALL ME MADAM... (Jody Gibson)
Secrets of a Hollywood Super Madam comes out in bookstores this week and names Tommy Lasorda and Bruce Willis as clients. It was a good lesson for all married men. The next time you want a hooker that will never talk, book it through Scooter Libby. 
More Jake Novak
Jaguar Mauling
Police and zoo officials are investigating what led a 140-pound jaguar to maul a zookeeper to death in the doorway of its cage last week. Right now, they're working on the wild theory that maybe, just maybe... the animal didn't like being locked up a cage.
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FOR THE LADIES: Heather’s Muscles & Chocolate
ACTOR POPPY MONTGOMERY appears on "Without A Trace"
(Oooohh! Poppy, find ME, find ME!!)
A spaceship lands in the middle of Texas. As the Martians start filing out, a big Texan walks up to the one who looks like the leader. He asks the Martian, "Y'all got green eyes?"
The Martian answers back in a machine-like drone, "Yes, we all have green eyes."
The Texan again inquires, "and y'all got those antennies on yer heads?"
"Yes we all have antennae on our heads."
The Texan is still curious, as he looks as more of the Martians, he again asks the leader, "Y'all wear them long black coats?"
To which the Martian says, "No, only the Hasidim." 
Bongo News
"THE CRACK OF DAWN!"
And she's wearin' WHALE NET Stockins...
A Dublin Jew who happens to be walking by an Orangemen march, is hit in the head by a rock, and collapses, nearing the point of death. A priest, who happens to be at the march, takes the man in his arms and says, "Do you believe in God the Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost?"
The Jew looks at him with a puzzled gaze and says, "Here I am dying, and he asks me riddles!" 
A Rabbi was opening his mail one morning. Taking a single sheet of paper from an envelope he found written on it only one word: "SCHMUCK"
The next Friday night he announced, "I have known many people who have written letters and forgot to sign their names. But, this week, I received a letter from someone who signed his name and forgot to write a letter."
A man is laying on the operating table, about to be operated on by his son, the surgeon. The father says, "Son, think of it this way... If anything happens to me, your mother is coming to live with you." 
U. N. officials have hailed Iranian prime Minister Aminojihad’s decision to convert to Judaism as a major step in bringing peace to the Middle East.
In Israel, government offices were swamped beyond capacity by applicants volunteering to be the moyel.
Good fortune. COMMENT! Please spread the meme. Don’t smoke in bed…
