CINCO DE MAYO 2ôô7
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Check out Rev. Art's Atheist Pin-Ups! 
Dabbs Greer (90) veteran character actor who played Rev. Robert Alden in the TV show Little House on the Prairie. Greer played “everyman’’ roles, from bus drivers to preachers and shopkeepers, in nearly 100 movies and hundreds of TV show episodes. He died of kidney and heart disease in Pasadena, California on April 28, 2007.
Zola Taylor (69) singer who broke gender barriers in the ’50s as the fine-lookin’ red-headed (then) member of The Platters, harmonizing with her male colleagues on hits like “The Great Pretender.’’ Taylor later gained attention of a different sort as one of three women who claimed to be pop idol Frankie Lymon’s widow. She had been bedridden after several strokes and died of pneumonia in Riverside County, California on April 30, 2007.
Actor Darren McGavin (shown as "Kolchak") (RN: William Lyle Richardson) would be 85. He was best known for playing the title role in the television horror series Kolchak: The Night Stalker, and also his portrayal in the movie A Christmas Story of the grumpy father given to bursts of profanity that he never realizes his sons overhear. He also appeared as the tough-talking, funny detective in the TV series Mickey Spillane's Mike Hammer. McGavin also played some great character parts, particularly, the Satan-like drug dealer who moved in and out of the shadows to re-hook the protagonist, a recovering heroin addict-drummer, played by Frank Sinatra. He tripped over a rainbow in 2006. 
McGavin named one of his sons “Bogart”; Da Rev named one of his sons “Darren”.
Theodor Meir Bikel (83) (b. Vienna, Austria) is a Jewish character actor, folk singer and musician. He made his film debut in The African Queen (1951) and was nominated for an Academy award for his role as the Southern Sheriff in The Defiant Ones (1958).
Pete Seeger (86) is almost universally known as a folk singer, political activist, and author. As a member of the Weavers, he had a string of hits, including a 1949 recording of Leadbelly's "Goodnight Irene" that topped the charts for 13 weeks in 1950. He was formerly a member of the Communist Party of the United States of America and a major contributor to folk and a pioneer of protest music in the 1950s and the 1960s. He is perhaps best known today as the author or co-author of the songs "Where Have All the Flowers Gone", "If I Had a Hammer", and "Turn, Turn, Turn", which have been recorded by many artists both in and outside the folk revival movement and are still sung throughout the world.
"I still call myself a communist, because communism is no more what Russia made of it than Christianity is what the churches make of it. But if by some freak of history communism had caught up with this country, I would have been one of the first people thrown in jail." [Pete]
"My father, Charles Seeger, got me into the Communist movement. He backed out around '38. I drifted out in the '50s. I apologize [in his recent book] for following the party line so slavishly, for not seeing that Stalin was a supremely cruel misleader." [Pete]
Teresa Brewer (76) (born Theresa Breuer, in Toledo, Ohio) was a child star who blossomed into a jazz-influenced pop singer. Her third release for Coral was her first hit for the label, Gonna Get Along Without Ya Now (1952). Then, in 1952, Teresa Brewer's biggest selling record of all time, Till I Waltz Again With You, was produced by Bob Thiele and released on Coral. The record hits kept coming in 1953 too, including Dancin' with Someone, Into Each Life Some Rain Must Fall, and another gold record, Ricochet. Teresa was rated as the favorite female vocalist for two consecutive years in 1955 and 1956. During these years, Teresa was also headlining in prestigious supper clubs throughout the country. Teresa's performances broke house records at the Latin Quarter in New York and at the Sahara Hotel in Las Vegas. 
(Shown with The Duke)
Her marriage to record producer Bob Thiele in 1972 led to her re-emergence via a long string of albums for Thiele's labels (Doctor Jazz, Signature, Red Baron), often in tandem with such luminaries as Count Basie, Benny Carter, Duke and Mercer Ellington, Stephane Grappelli, Earl Hines and Clark Terry. 
It is clear that Eric Hilliard “Ricky” Nelson knew and loved music, and was a credible performer before he became a teen idol, largely due to his parents' musical background. Unlike many teen idols of the time, Nelson showed his personal taste in working with strong musicians, including James Burton, Joe Maphis, The Jordanaires, and Johnny and Dorsey Burnette. He would be (67) From 1957 to 1962, Nelson had 30 top 40 hits. Many of Nelson's early records were double hits with both the A side and the B side hitting the Billboard charts. When Billboard introduced the Hot 100 chart on August 4, 1958, Nelson's single "Poor Little Fool" became the first song ever in the #1 position on that chart. While Nelson preferred rockabilly and uptempo rock songs like "Hello Mary Lou", "It's Late", "Stood Up", and "Be-Bop Baby", his smooth, calm voice made him a natural to sing ballads. He had major success with "Travelin' Man", "Poor Little Fool", "Young World", "Lonesome Town", and "Teenage Idol", which clearly could have been about Nelson himself at the time. In addition to his recording career, Nelson also appeared in movies, including Rio Bravo with John Wayne and Dean Martin (1959) The Wackiest Ship In the Army (1960) and Love and Kisses (1965).
Robert Clark “Bob” Seger (62) is a Rock and Roll singer-songwriter-musician from Michigan, who after years of local Detroit-area success starting in the mid-1960s, achieved his greatest national success starting in the mid-1970s, which extended into the 1980s, finally reaching its zenith in the 1990s. Best known for his work with the Silver Bullet Band, a group he formed in 1974, Seger is a Midwestern roots rocker whose songs deal with blue-collar themes and who toured constantly in support of his frequent album releases. Seger has recorded many rock and roll hits, including "Turn the Page", "Night Moves", "We've Got Tonight", "Like a Rock", and his iconic signature song "Old Time Rock and Roll", named one of the Songs of the Century in 2001. He was inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in 2004.
Randy Travis (48) (RN: Randy Bruce Traywick) (b. Marshville, North Carolina), better known by his stage name, is a Polish-American country singer and one of the most influential figures of Neotraditional Country, with huge product sales in the ‘80s-’90‘s and continuing today.. Randy’s one of the last of those great country singers whose voice and style were immediately recognizable. He’s also an avid horseman and an impressive body-builder.
"You're safe if your utterances fall within range of those expressed by the New York Times."
[McCaffrey, commenting on the limits of “free speech” these days]
“There is no female Mozart because there is no female Jack the Ripper.” [Camille Paglia]
Humanity I love you because when you're hard up you pawn your intelligence to buy a drink. [e. e. cummings] 
The housecats, amazed
at something new,
Looking in the same direction [A Haiku by Jack Kerouac]
“When I see the worsening degeneracy in our politicians, our media, our educators, and our intelligentsia, I can’t help wondering if the day may yet come when the only thing that can save this country is a military coup.” ["Uncle Tom" Sowell, professional black conservative]
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WELL HOWDY, REV’LERS!
Welcome to Metro Fairborn, Ohio, where Da Rev is SO large our crib has its own CLIMATE! 
Fairborn’s a small town where the population never changes. Each time a woman gets pregnant, someone leaves town.
I’m Rev. Art, and I have CDO. It's like OCD, but the letters are in alphabetical order as they should be. 
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The proceeds from this week’s STAND-UP are going to the Institute for Research into the Eradication of Hysterical Memory Pimples!
Andante! It is the Fifth of May, or Cinco de Mayo, when we celebrate yet another French military defeat … at the hands of the Mexicans…
What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers? Mechanical Engineers build weapons and Civil Engineers build targets.
I’m no engineer, but the women find me handy. I rigged the gun rack in my pick-em-up to accommodate my shotgun AND my laptop. Cool.
I painted the URL of this blog on an overpass yesterday. I could use some help with this. Please spread the meme…
I walked into the room just in time to overhear my grandson’s girlfriend exclaim, “Keisha said she loved my Fendi glasses. She said, ‘oh my god, I love your Fendi glasses.’”
Hmmm… the paraphrase in popular culture. Usage: “Jesse Jackson said Imus should be fired for sayin’ nappy-headed ‘ho’s. He said, ‘I believe Imus should be fired for sayin’ nappy-headed ‘ho’s.’” The paraphrase…
I always wanted to have a bar and restaurant in mellow Yellow Springs, that Bohemian village populated by hippies old and young, anarchists and libertarians, students and teachers, arts and farts. Call it “The Naked Lunch”?
Oh, the restaurant - Gotta have a separate room for poetry rants and atheist meet-ups - and constant music from Da Rev’s eclectic collection. The MENU?
Hmmm, The Ginsburger, o’ course. Kerouac Baby Back Ribs. Ferlinghetti Spaghetti with Diane de Prima Primavera Sauce or One Meat Ball a la Josh White. Can I interest you in our Burroughs Burrito? No, we don’t have chicken nuggets. How about some “Mountain Oysters”?!
Our $.99 Daily Special Daily is BEANS BUKOWSKI!
I hate to say it, but Kerouac is a dead beat.
Knock, knock. (you say, Who's there?)
Dishes.
Dishes, who?
Dishes the cops. Open up!
All Air Force retirees and their ladies are invited the Fairborn American Legion Wednesdays for the “Weekly Steak Fry and Wrangler Wedgie Shuffle".
UNIVERSAL SEXUAL ABSTINENCE SYMBOL
Congratulations to Tim, whose son‘s band ZZZ Top has just recorded an original: "I'm So Lonesome, I Could Die of Autoerotic Asphyxiation"…
We’ll be introducing Anita - a self-described "regular-hair ‘ho’" who "washes, rinses, and repeats regularly" - who will be expressing her dismay that the "only ‘ho’s on everybody's mind lately" are of the "nappy-headed variety." WASPy Anglo-Saxon ‘ho’s make up 93% of all the ‘ho’s in the USA, according to Anita, who has agreed to remain standing at all times today. The Nappy-headed hos, meanwhile, comprise only 3% of U.S. hos. The remaining 4% of ‘ho’s in America include Pacific-Islander ‘Ho’s, Wheelchair ‘Ho’s, Lazy-Eyed ‘Ho’s, Native American 'Ho's, Purple-Haired 'Ho's, Goth 'Ho's, Al-Qaeda Non-Infidel 'Ho's, Lesbian 'Ho's, and One-Armed 'Ho's."
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This actually happened at University of Dayton, circa 1961. I THINK I witnessed it.
Two engineering students were crossing the campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."
The first engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."
Has anybody here ever bought beer on-line? How’s that work?
They didn’t ask my fucking question at the FIRST 2008 Rethuglickin Presidential Debate:
When does a fetus become a human? When does pregnancy strip all rights from a female? And who are you to decide?
I guess they don’t like follow-ups…
Itty Bitty Dentist-Dude Ron Paul postures as the “libertarian” - but he opposes a woman’s right to choose. PHONY!
Mitt Romney stood there in his itchy Mormon underwear and kept insisting that he will veto budget items despite what we all learned in high school social studies - the president can’t do that… GLIB PHONY!
Somebody submitted, “Do you believe in evolution?”
Three or Four of the ten do not. Tancredo, nativist theofascist. Sam Brownstain, idiot fundie, gurgled, "I BELIEVE IN GOD!". Hucklebuck, idiot-fundie who wrote a diet book. And Gillmor? CHEESES, I thought he had a brain…
“Walnuts” McLame is batshit crazy. If elected, he’d start 3 wars in his first 100 days…
The Rethug candidates reached consensus on one thing. They all hate Hillary.
Republican Presidential candidates spent 60% of their brief debate time going down on Ronald Reagan. 
Who wasn’t there? Ohhh, forget Fred Thompson. Where are Hagel and Bloomburg? 
The military took away the porn and now goes for the blogs. Way to fight for fascism, you fuckers.
This week’s immigration protests were a lot smaller than last year’s, proof that the the rubber bullets are working.
Jake Novak's Humor Blog
BP CEO Steps Down
British Petroleum CEO John Browne has resigned after several newspapers said they plan to publish details about an alleged affair he had with a man. I'm not sure why this is a scandal; everyone knows big oil executives like screwing people in the ass.
War Report
A report from an Israeli commission of inquiry on last summer's Lebanon war said Ehud Olmert entered the conflict uninformed and unprepared… but not as uninformed and unprepared as the New York Times.
Comedian Argus Hamilton
The Ronald Reagan Library hosted a debate by ten of the Republican presidential candidates Thursday. Fred Thompson said he couldn't attend but would be there in spirit. It was the best Reagan impression of the night and he was declared the winner.
There's no place like it. Of all the presidential libraries across the country, this is the only one with a popcorn machine in the lobby. 
Republicans held a presidential candidates debate at the Ronald Reagan Library in Simi Valley. It's full of Cold War memorabilia. There was a big disruption during the debate when thousands of Hispanic protesters climbed over the Berlin Wall exhibit.
Queen Elizabeth arrived in Virginia on the four hundredth anniversary of the founding of Jamestown. It makes many people wistful. Most of the problems in the world today can be traced to an unenlightened immigration policy by American Indians.
The colony became successful by selling tobacco to England, introducing liquor to Indians and importing slaves. No wonder history teachers only talk about the Pilgrims. 
Washington D.C. madam Debbie Palfrey outed all the men who hired her call girls. She is strict. No date can last longer than two hours, making Debbie the only one in Washington with a timetable for withdrawal that Democrats and Republicans can agree on.
Washington D.C. madam Debbie Palfrey began releasing her client list. One of her customers was the U.S. State Department official in charge of combating the world sex trade. If you're scoring at home, that's three wars we've lost in five years. 
Former Senator Carol Moseley Braun was mugged Friday as she walked back to her residence after attending a play in Chicago. It certainly put the war on terror in perspective. If the terrorists really do follow us home from Iraq, the muggers will be waiting for them. 
The America's Cup preliminary featured a major upset by Team China over Oracle Racing. Red China is winning yacht races. If you think former President Bush is disappointed in the way things turned out, imagine how Mao Tse-tung would feel.
Sen. Barack Obama, it was reported Thursday, has begun receiving full Secret Service protection. Officials said there is no specific threat, just large crowds and comments on the Internet. People keep calling him another Bobby Kennedy. 
Los Angeles observed the fifteenth anniversary Sunday of the rioting that followed L.A. cops beating Rodney King. The city is still feeling the effects of that night. As black people took to the streets in protest, illegal aliens moved into their houses. 
John Edwards' wife Elizabeth told New Hampshire Democrats Monday her husband will do more for women than any other candidate in the field. That's ridiculous and untrue. If Hillary Clinton becomes president, everyone knows that First Gentleman Bill Clinton will do more for women, but we'll never hear about it if he can help it.
Laura Bush gave the commencement address last week at Pepperdine University. It's a conservative evangelical Christian college located on the cliffs above Malibu. It looks like it's on a mountain but actually it's just sticking out like a sore thumb. 
Greg Gutfeld
For Imus, who has made a career out of operating in the murky space between sophomoric humor and high-brow political talk, there is the little matter of about $40 million left on his contract with CBS Radio - whose boss Les Moonves fired the shock jock on April 12. CBS' lawyers contend Imus was fired for cause and not owed the rest of the money.
But Imus has hired one of the nation's premiere First Amendment attorneys, and the two sides are gearing up for a legal showdown that could turn on ***how language in his contract that encouraged the radio host to be irreverent and engage in character attacks is interpreted*** … Prediction: The I-Man will have Les’s little tiny balls on a platter… Call it “just desserts…"
In this episode, IMUS confronts the evil oppressors and in one fell swoop gets P A I D!
Meanwhile, let us never forget - Rev. Sharpdressedman PAID $345,000 and agreed to STFU. It seems like a paltry sum, but it WAS LARGE back then - and he wasn’t rollin’ in it back then.
Lindsey Lohan did the rehab. And now (according to Rachel on Red Eye) she’s “drinking from the ‘hairy goblet‘.” I heard that, too. I’m turned on…
Danielynn Lands in Kentucky
Louisville, Ky (LaughFish.com) - Photographer Larry Birkhead and his daughter with Anna Nicole Smith, Danielynn, landed in Kentucky this week where she immediately became engaged to her half-brother Larry Jr.
MORE Argus
Don Imus hired First Amendment lawyer Martin Garbus to sue CBS Radio for forty million dollars. The case is as good as won. Martin Garbus used to defend Lenny Bruce on indecent language charges, and nappy-headed ho's was Lenny's church-crowd material.
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PLAYMATE AVIS KIMBLE - SEPTEMBER, 1962
A guy walked Into a bar with a pet alligator by his side. He put the alligator up on the bar and turned to the astonished patrons. "I'll make you a deal. I'll open this alligators mouth and place my genitals inside. Then this gator will close his mouth for one minute, He'll then open his mouth and I'll remove my dink unscathed, In return for witnessing this spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink."
The crowd murmured their approval. The man stood up on the bar, dropped his trousers, and placed his privates in the alligators open mouth. The gator closed his mouth as the crowd gasped, After a minute, the man grabbed a beer bottle and rapped the alligator hard on the top of its head, The gator opened his mouth and the man removed his genitals, unscathed as promised. The crowd cheered and the first of his free drinks was delivered. The man stood up again and made another offer. "I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try."
A hush fell over the crowd. After a while, a hand went up in the back of the bar. A young fellow timidly spoke up, "I'll try, but you have to promise not to hit me on the head with the beer bottle."
A small white guy went Into an elevator, when he got in he noticed a huge black dude standing next to him. The big black guy looked down upon the small white guy and said, "7 foot tall, 360 pounds, 20 inch dick, 3 pound left ball, 3 pound right ball, Turner Brown."
The small guy fainted!! The huge black dude picked up the little white guy and brought him to, slapping his face and shaking him. He asked the small white guy, "What's wrong?"
Our petite friend said, "Excuse me, but what did you say?"
The black giant looked down and repeated, '7 foot tall, 360 pounds, 20 inch dick, 3 pound left ball, 3 pound right ball, my name is Turner Brown' The white guy sighed, 'Oh, thank goodness! I thought you said 'Turn around”...
One day little Susie went into her back yard and found her dog Muffie lying dead with its legs up in the air. She asked, "Daddy Daddy why is Muffies’ legs in the air?"
Thinking quickly, her dad replied, "This way Jesus can come down and take Muffie to heaven easier."
The next day when Susie's dad came home she ran up to him and said, "Daddy, Daddy, Mommy almost died today."
Flustered, her father said, "Honey what happened?"
And Susie said, well Mommy's legs were up in the air and she was screaming "Oh Jesus. Oh Jesus. I'm coming, I'm coming" - and if it wasn't for the milkman holding her down she would have been a goner.
BRANDIE LYNN
I KNOW I didn’t witness THIS - I’ve never played golf.
A pastor, a doctor and a CEO were waiting one Saturday morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The CEO fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!"
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!"
The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him."
"Hi George! Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"
The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight on 9-11 in the World Trade Center disaster - so we always let them play for free anytime."
The group was silent for a moment. The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."
The CEO said, "Why can't these fuckers play at night?"
ACTOR VIRGINIA MADSEN
Good fortune. COMMENT!! Please spread the meme. Don't smoke in bed...
