P.O.E.T.S. - 051907 || AS SUNG TO HILLARY... FALWELL'S LEGACY... RETHUGLICKIN' CANDIDATES... WOLFIE WON'T COME OUT... OHIO STRIPPER LAW... NUDISTS AND NEWTON'S LAW... HILLARY SEWS UP PORN CONSTITUTENCY... 400-LB GORILLA... CENSORSHIP-PROOF RADIO?!?... DDT

 

MAY 19, 2ôô7

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Check out Rev. Art's Atheist Pin-Ups!

BAD NEWS; GOOD NEWS…

This week Bo Diddley, the legendary blues shouter-rock guitar icon suffered a stroke following a performance - affecting his left side, speech and voice recognition; he’s improving and the docs think he’ll return to performing soon.
Bo knows Diddley. He’s 78.

Yolanda Denise King (51) eldest child of civil rights leader Rev. Martin Luther King Jr. As an actress, Yolanda King appeared in numerous films and played Rosa Parks in the TV miniseries King (1978). She also appeared as civil rights leader Medgar Evers’ widow in Ghosts of Mississippi (1996) and founded a production company called Higher Ground Productions. She was also an author and advocate for peace and nonviolence. She died in Santa Monica, California, possibly owing to a heart problem, on May 15, 2007. Life in Legacy

Jake Novak said: “Apparently she went into cardiac arrest every time someone in the news media would compare her father to Al Sharpton.”

FALWELL'S LEGACY

The Right Reverend Jerry Falwell (73) was a prominent horse’s ass and media ‘ho. The beloved entertainer proved that you can get away with anything under the rubric of Reverend. Witness Reverend Pat Robertson, Reverend Al Sharpton…


G’bye big fat dead racist bag o’ shit Jerry. So long, Fundie.


Argus Hamilton noted: The Republican Party hosted a presidential candidates debate in South Carolina on Fox News Tuesday. It began respectfully. "In honor of Jerry Falwell's passing, before the debate started all ten candidates stood and observed a moment of homophobia."  Foolwell Croaks




James McEachin (77) is an enormously likable character actor with an everyman quality about him. He played in one of Da Rev’s fave PI shows - TENAFLY, for Harry Tenafly, who was what most television PIs weren't - a happily married, middle-class family man with no interest in violence, beautiful women or baffling crimes. Needless to say, trouble couldn't stay away from him.

The character and the series stood in sharp contrast to the other series about an African-American private eye that debuted that same season -- SHAFT. In fact, the producers may not have conceived the character as black; McEachin just happened to be the actor who embodied the qualities they wanted. Only four 90-minute episodes were produced as part of NBC's Mystery Movie wheel. McEachin deserved better.


Country singer George Harvey Strait (55), is a native Texan, known for his honky tonk country western sound…the "King of Country"… a living legend. He is well known for his unique style of western swing music. A member of the Country Music Hall of Fame, Strait has been nominated for more CMA awards than any other artist. He holds the record for most Number 1 songs on Billboard Country Music charts, and has had more albums certified gold or platinum in the United States than any other country artist and only Elvis Presley and The Beatles have more overall. Wikipedia


Rosa Maria "Rosie" Perez (44) is an Academy Award-nominated Puerto-Rican-American actor, dancer, choreographer and director. She started her career as a dancer on Soul Train and has choreographed music videos by Bobby Brown, Diana Ross, LL Cool J and The Boys. She was the choreographer for the dancing group, the Fly Girls, who were featured on every performance of In Living Color, a 1990s television variety series. Perez was noticed in a dance club by Spike Lee, who hired her for her first acting role in Lee's Do the Right Thing. Wikipedia




"A growing culture of radical secularism declares that the nation cannot profess the truths on which it was founded. We are told that our public schools can no longer invoke the creator, nor proclaim the natural law nor profess the God-given quality of human rights.

In hostility to American history, the radical secularists insist that religious belief is inherently divisive and that public debate can only proceed on secular terms."
[Numbnuts Newt Gingrich, eulogizing Foolwell and running for president]

"The point is that we are frightened of mysteries. Neat solutions are comforting. They imply that human emotions and experiences are orderly and rational. But if we are honest with ourselves and take a non-defensive look at our lives, we can plainly see that humankind is capable of rationality, but it’s not our first instinct."
[Critic Barry Ronge, finding explanation for the VT shooting rampage in the play Equus]

Just one armed student in the first classroom Cho entered could have ended this tragedy before it became a tragedy. But because the (gun-fearing wussies) think that we’re not to be trusted with the responsibility of owning guns, We The Sheep, when confronted by a wolf, must wait for the shepherd to leave the donut shop and get to the pasture, rather than deal with the wolf ourselves. That’s not how a society of free people operates.
[Kim du Toit] Also see: Nation of Riflemen

"We have a Congress. We have an independent judiciary. We have checks and balances. We are a nation of laws. We have free speech. We have a free press. Why have they all failed us?"
[Al Gore, in his new book, "The Assault on Reason,"]

“He's in the dirt, right where his fat ass belongs.” [BARTCOP, commenting on “Falwell’s in a better place.”]

"They looked like the evil law firm in a John Grisham movie."
[Letterman on the GOP debate]

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WELL HOWDY, REV’LERS!

Welcome to our uncommonly common abode in Metro Fairborn, Ohio and THE STAND-UP.


PLEASE!! PLEASE contribute all you can during THE STAND-UP today. Medical researchers are just SO close to finding the cure for Pig's Glandular Heat!


Welcome, all you party animals - and Elaine (she’s a party vegetable).


Fairborn has no strippers. However, we have one toothless hooker who lives in her Datsun parked on Central Avenue. When in Fairborn, you are just 7 miles from a private all-nude strip club, sans alcohol, in Medway.

Ohio lawmakers passed the ridiculous “no-touching” law this week, though I’m countin’ on our Governor to veto it. Taking no chances, the Rethuglickin-Religious-Right-pandering state legislature gave the Cleveland Cavalier cheerleaders an exemption. They may perform for the big tippers, but only in the VIP room.


I see where nudist orgs are tryin’ to recruit some younger members. For some reason, just when we think sex is flashing our collective consciousness 24/7, when nudity is almost obligatory in motion pictures, and mainstream actresses and models pose in the buff in magazine centerfolds - for some reason, the members at this formerly Puritan nation’s nudist camps is declining and skewing OLD - a walking testament to Newton's law of gravity.

I hope someone is able to get to the bottom of this.
Da Rev promises to keep you abreast of breaking news.
You can’t pin anything on a nudist…


There used to be a nudist camp in Indiana where there was a $50. Fine for jittering. I was never interested. The members played a lot of sports. It wasn’t pretty.


Hillary’s website has a list of potential campaign songs that we can all check and vote for our favorites. The choices: Unfortunately - there are some obvious choices that are not on the list:

"Devil with a Blue Dress" - Mitch Ryder & The Detroit Wheels
"D-I-V-O-R-C-E" - Tammy Wynette
"Backdoor Man" - The Doors
"Lipstick on Your Collar" - Connie Francis
"She Swallowed It" - N.W.A.
"Baby got back" - Sir Mix-a-lot
"Cold as Ice" - Foreigner

Da Rev is disappointed. Where’s “Simply the Best” - by Tina Turner?


You’re familiar with the term “swing voters” - folks who may not be affiliated with a particular political party (independents) or who will vote across party lines. With the endorsement of Hillary Clinton for President from porn artiste Jenna Jameson this week, (the Hillary campaign has posted this endorsement on their site) we may need to be on the look-out for SWINGER voters!


This week a 400-lb. gorilla escaped from his compound at a zoo and terrorized patrons. And he bit a woman before attendants could tranquilize him. Take it from Da Rev - If you are about to be attacked by a wild gorilla and you do not know gorilla sign-language, the first thing you should do is give them a head butt. Then grab their tail and pull hard. Once the tail is pulled, they see you as the master. WORD: Practice this with a dog whose tail has been clipped to become proficient prior attempting to subjugate gorillas.


I’ve been thinking that I should get a receiver when Sirius & XM merge so I can listen to uncensored radio. What? They censor themselves? Opie & Anthony have been suspended from XM-radio for 30 days!?! I am definitely re-thinking the satellite radio thing.


Let’s see - Imus was fired. JV & Elvis (SHOWN) originally did their "shlimp flied lice" thing before Imus was fired - JV & Elvis were fired after the REBROADCAST! Nobody complained about it until a rerun aired, after Imus was fired. But that's probably just a coincidence, huh?


Now O & A (SHOWN) are suspended. And the FCC is nowhere and in no way involved. Who's next? Who's going to have something they said taken completely out of context and snapped up by one special-interest group or another, and lose their livelihoods over it? If you think this is only about Imus and them, you need to get REAL!

DO NOT PISS OFF AL SHARKTONGUE! 

Subscribers are canceling their subscriptions to XM by the hundreds or tens of thousands (based on which account you read). As I said, I don't subscribe to satellite radio, so I can't do much to help the protest. I could subscribe, then call back and cancel…


Final thought: in BIZARRO WORLD AMERIKA you can get on the internet and watch Japanese shitporn for FREE, but you can't PAY to listen to Opie & Anthony.


Illinois is bracing itself for the seventeen-year return of the Cicada bugs. They come in waves and chirp mating songs, then they reproduce and go underground. As long as they hide in the Catholic Church, no one can do a thing about them.

If you’re balding - look at it as getting’ more head…





THE LOVELY ROBIN QUIVERS

True story, a cable installer told me he knew who really killed JFK. The guy's uncle was a big shot in the C.I.A. and told him, but he would be killed if he told me the name. Said he didn't have a phone because it would be bugged and couldn't keep a job because "they" were always looking for him. After he left I locked all the doors and wrapped my head in tinfoil. Also, every time he bent over... Never mind. Thanks to Greg Gutfeld

What do you think of the DDT question? You don’t think? OK. Who is responsible for more deaths?

A. Hitler
B. Stalin
C. Mao
D. Rachel Carson

I can't think of any song by The Who without visualizing David Caruso posturing with his sunglasses.


In parting, I would remind you that you are only young once - but it may take a lifetime to outgrow immaturity.
































Ron Paul may be the Dennis Kucinich of the Republican presidential wanna-bes, but he was probably right on when he blamed the WTC attack on blowback dating back to when the meddling USA installed the Shah in Iran. Ol’ cross-dressin’, stern-faced Rudy retorted, "I don't think I've ever heard that before, and I've heard some pretty absurd explanations for Sept. 11." Then he called for Dr. Paul to withdraw the comment. Paul didn’t withdraw a word. Point to Paul! Rudy & the rest of the lot are a bunch of blow-dried fanatical blowhards.


Most of the presidential candidates are wealthy. For many of them most of their wealth comes from “Speaker’s Fees”. Bullshit. That’s MONEY-LAUNDERING!


Representative Duncan Hunter, Republican of California, reported assets worth hundreds of thousands of dollars but also said he owed more than $30,000 in car loans and more than $75,000 in credit card debt. His was the only disclosure form to be filled out in handwriting. DUNCAN HUNTER what's in your wallet?!


Al Gore: ‘I’m Carbon Neutral Because I Sh*t All the Carbon I Eat’
Story


Comedian Argus Hamilton
Pope Benedict flew to Brazil Wednesday where he angrily warned Roman Catholics there against joining evangelical churches. This pope loves flying down to Rio. It is sunny and it's warm and it gives him a chance to hook up with his old army buddies.


John Edwards released his financial disclosure statement Thursday, revealing he is worth thirty million dollars. All the presidential candidates are very wealthy. The first thing Iowans always notice when they shake their hands is how soft they are.


The immigration reform bill that was announced Thursday creates a separate guest-worker program for farm workers that makes it a crime to quit and take a better job. It's the same deal we offered blacks. If you want to stay here you have to be slaves first.


PAUL WOLFOWITZ ALWAYS LICKS HIS COMB BEFORE HE USES IT

GOP candidate Ron Paul ignited the Republican debate Tuesday by suggesting the World Trade Center attack was caused by U.S. policy in Iraq. Government lawyers went over the policy very carefully. Everything we've done to Iraq is perfectly legal in hockey.


Republican maverick Ron Paul stunned Fox News anchors Tuesday when he won the post-presidential debate viewer poll. He declared his opposition to the Iraq war by saying history proves Republicans are elected to end wars, not start them. The next morning, Dick Cheney couldn't explain to hotel management who shot his television set.


GOP presidential candidate Mitt Romney told CBS' 60 Minutes on Sunday that he didn't engage in premarital sex. It hardly qualifies him for sainthood. They get married so young in Utah that he wasn't even interested in girls until his fourth anniversary.


















Greg Gutfeld

Sarah Silverman, 36, gives a revealing and sensitive interview in the June issue of Maxim -- a magazine that usually only reveals women's private parts... She’s one of Maxim SEXY 100 for 2007... Comedy Central airs “The Sarah Silverman Show” which has given us the funniest line from a comedienne, period: she begged off helping a friend move 'cuz "she stubbed her vagina!"


Jake Novak's Humor Blog
Keith's Book
Keith Richards is trying to sell his autobiography for a reported $5 million... a shocking sum considering the fact that he doesn't remember anything.


More Argus
Paris Hilton's jail sentence was cut in half on Thursday. The same day, medical researchers discovered that herpes protects people from bubonic plague. The mayor of Los Angeles issued a statement warning that all days are not going to be this good.


Paris Hilton revealed that she is taking karate lessons in Beverly Hills so she can protect herself inside jail. Her incarceration day is two weeks away. She will be taken inside, strip searched and photographed, or as she calls it, dating.


Paris Hilton was reported to be taking karate lessons so she can defend herself when she enters Los Angeles County Jail. She's a natural at the sport. She broke three boards in two last night and those were just the slats under her mattress.


Jamie Langridge won the fifty thousand dollar first prize in the Rock Paper Scissors tournament in Las Vegas Sunday. The game's popularity is growing. It's how the war czar's going to decide disputes between the Pentagon, the State Department and Congress.


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A lovely young virgin named Lynn
Once said about fucking, "It's sin."
But a fellow named Tang,
With a twenty-inch wang,
Made her cry to the heavens, "It's in!"


ROSIE PEREZ

There was a young lady whose thighs,
When spread showed a slit of such size,
And so deep and so wide,
You could play cards inside---
Much to her bridegroom's surprise.


There was a young lady of fashion
Who had oodles and oodles of passion.
To her lover she said,
As they climbed into bed,
"Here's one thing the bastards can't ration!"


A whore grown too old to get laid
Turned parfumeuse, finding it paid
To concoct Fleur de Floozie
From the juice of her coosie
(Substantial discount to the trade).


ACTOR-SINGER GINA GERSHON

Good fortune. COMMENT!! Please spread the meme. Don’t smoke in bed…