MAY 26, 2ôô7
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Check out Rev. Art's Atheist Pin-Ups!
Sofia Adamson (90) US-born former university dean caught in the Philippines when the Japanese invaded in 1942. In 1945, when American troops returned to liberate Manila, Adamson was seriously injured by “friendly fire’’—injuries that led to her receiving a Purple Heart more than 50 years later, in ’98. She died of a heart attack in Pasadena, California on May 19, 2007. Life in Legacy
Samuel Dashiell Hammett would be 103. (May 27, 1894–January 10, 1961) He was an American author of hardboiled detective novels and short stories. Among the enduring characters he created are Sam Spade (The Maltese Falcon), Nick and Nora Charles (The Thin Man), and the Continental Op (Red Harvest, The Dain Curse). In addition to the significant influence his novels had on film, Hammett has been credited with the invention of modern American hardboiled detective novel. He was the long-time companion of playwright Lillian Hellman. D. 1961.
Actor Jeanne Crain would be 82. She was frequently cast as the "girl next door," and was generally employed to be a "pretty face" in the midst of light films, but occasionally she got more serious roles, as in Pinky (1949) in which she played a black girl passing for white; for that performance she was nominated for a "Best Actress Oscar," repeating a nomination she got for her role in Margie (1946). D. 2003.
Highland County, Ohio’s own Country singer-songwriter Johnny Paycheck (RN: Donnie Lytle) would be 69 or 70. He is most famous for recording the David Allan Coe song "Take This Job and Shove It". After a stint in the United States Navy (which included a court-martial for assault) he began performing under the name Donny Young. The singer took a job with country music star George Jones, for whom he played bass and steel guitar for several years, co-writing Jones' hit song, "Once You've Had the Best." By the 1960s, he had changed his name to Johnny Paycheck after the boxer, Johnny Paychek, who fought Joe Louis in 1940. In his career, Paycheck recorded eleven songs that made it into country music's top ten chart, plus he co-wrote several successful songs for other country singers, including "Apartment #9," a hit for Tammy Wynette.
Paycheck suffered from drug and alcohol addiction during his career (Da Rev saw him fall on his face during a performance in Springfield in the ‘60s. He had just dedicated the song to his mom and had her stand to be recognized. He sang about 3-4 words and pitched forward, crashing face down on the hardwood stage.) His life was often filled with turmoil and in 1985, Paycheck was convicted of shooting a man in Hillsboro, Ohio and spent two years in prison. His tax problems with the IRS led to his filing for bankruptcy in 1990. D. 2003. Wikipedia
Bob Dylan (Shown with Joan Baez) (RN: Robert Allen Zimmerman,) (66) is a Grammy, Golden Globe and Academy Award-winning American singer-songwriter, author, musician, and poet who has been a major figure in popular music for five decades. Much of Dylan's most notable work dates from the 1960s, when he became an informal documentarian and reluctant figurehead of American unrest. Some of his songs, such as "Blowin' in the Wind" and "The Times They Are a-Changin'",[1] became anthems of the anti-war and civil rights movements. His most recent studio album, Modern Times, released on August 29, 2006, entered the U.S. album charts at #1, making him, at age 65, the oldest living person to top those charts. Wikipedia
John Cameron Fogerty (62) the distinctive rock singer, songwriter, and guitarist, is best known for his time with the swamp rock or roots rock band Creedence Clearwater Revival.
Lisa Nicole Lopes would be 36. (May 27, 1971 – April 25, 2002) The rapper/singer/actress of Cape Verdean descent, also known under the stage name of "Left Eye", was a member of the popular R&B and hip hop group TLC. In addition to hit songs like "Waterfalls" with TLC, Lopes also did some solo performing. She was considered by some fans as the creative talent behind TLC and contributed her own self-written raps to many of TLC's popular singles, including "Waterfalls" and "No Scrubs". Lopes was also a self-taught keyboardist and, by way of a Beethoven piano piece, displayed those talents during her solo spot on TLC's headlining concert performances. She died in a car crash.
Lauryn Noel Hill (32) is an eight-time Grammy award winning musician, and record producer. She initially established her reputation as the most visible and vocal member of The Fugees. In autumn 1998 she launched her solo career by releasing The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill and the MTV Unplugged No. 2.0. Wikipedia
The "prophecies" fit Jesus for the same reason Cinderella's slippers fit her feet. The Jesus story was deliberately written in such a way that it would fulfill the prophecies.
[The True Authorship Of The New Testament by Abelard Reuchlin]
It’s all going according to God’s plan! GLOR-EE!
Luke 19:26 -
"Whoever has will be given more, but the one who has not will lose the little he has."
Thanks to The Gay Black Jew
"Men know they are sexual exiles. They wander the earth seeking satisfaction, craving and despising, never content. There is nothing in that anguished motion for women to envy."
[Camille Paglia]
"The Democrats have passed on their best chance to end the Iraq War. If they are not willing to take a risk here in a non-election year in order to force Bush to end the war, then they certainly do not have what it takes to cut off war funds in the coming election year."
[Bob Novak, Conservative Pundit]
"I pray Anna Nicole went to Heaven."
[Authorities from Liberty University continue to deny that these were Jerry Falwell's last words]
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WELL HOWDY, REV’LERS!
Welcome to Metro Fairborn, Ohio and THE STAND-UP.
We just got back from The Maul. Is there nothing in the Sears household appliance section that can't be made into a sex toy?
PLEASE!! PLEASE contribute all you cat during THE STAND-UP today. Medical researchers are just SO close to finding the cure for Spotted Womb!
AVAILABLE FOR DOWNLOAD NOW: IRAQI EXPLORER
Click HERE to use Iraqi Explorer.
And please join us in remembering those who paid the price for freedom this Memorial Day - 2007.
The guard takes 21 steps during his walk across the tomb of the Unknowns. It alludes to the twenty-one gun salute, which is the highest honor given any military or foreign dignitary.
His gloves are moistened to prevent his losing his grip on the rifle.
He carries the rifle on the shoulder away from the tomb. After his march across the path, he executes an about face; and moves the rifle to the outside shoulder.
Guards are changed every thirty minutes, twenty-four hours a day, 365 days a year.
175 notable people are laid to rest in Arlington National Cemetery, including President William Howard Taft, Joe Louis and Medal of Honor winner Audie Murphy
"The Real Heroes are the ones who never came home ..."
[ Audie Murphy - The most highly decorated U.S. soldier of World War II.]
FREEDOM FLIES IN YOUR HEART LIKE AN EAGLE
By Audie Murphy
Dusty old helmet, rusty old gun,
They sit in the corner and wait -
Two souvenirs of the Second World War
That have withstood the time, and the hate.
Mute witness to a time of much trouble.
Where kill or be killed was the law -
Were these implements used with high honor?
What was the glory they saw?
Many times I've wanted to ask them -
And now that we're here all alone,
Relics all three of a long ago war -
Where has freedom gone?
Freedom flies in your heart like an eagle.
Let it soar with the winds high above
Among the spirits of soldiers now sleeping,
Guard it with care and with love.
I salute my old friends in the corner,
I agree with all they have said -
And if the moment of truth comes tomorrow,
I'll be free, or By God, I'll be dead!
Audie portrayed John Gant in No Name On the Bullet
Audie Murphy's Poems
We’re so proud to be a part of this bedroom community of Wright-Pat AFB going on 4 years. It’s a helpful perspective in a time when the silk suits in Washington, D.C. have committed our military and our capital for ages to come to the ill-advised, poorly-planned war in Iraq, to live in a place where young air men and women are a living, breathing, vital presence, participating in the commerce and culture of Greater Fairborn. We respect them and we thank them for their service, in Fairborn and beyond. We support the troops. We are working to bring them home.
I was never in the service. I washed out of Army R.O.T.C. AT University of Dayton.
I wore sneakers to the drill field - FULL uniform - but I forgot to bring the shoes to school. Captain Greeley called me out of ranks and barked, “At ease, Soldier.” I think he called everybody “Soldier” - but he didn’t convince me.
“Mr. Rants, I’m beginning to think you’re nothing but a God damned SCREW-UP!”
“YES, SIR!”
More demerits. Big whoop. I got demerits every week I failed to clean and oil my rifle. In two years I think I TRIED to accomplish the task about three times. The intricacy and complexity of the The M1 Garand (more formally the United States Rifle, Caliber .30, M1), the first semi-automatic rifle in the world to be generally issued to infantry (1936-1957), served only to confound me. I always had to beg someone to “please show me how all these parts fit together again?”
I had taken ‘er to the target range only once. I assumed the supine firing position, lined up the barrel, sighted through the aperture rear sight, barleycorn-type front sight, and fired away at a paper target - eight .30-06 Springfield rounds in all. When said target was retrieved and examined by the instructors and brought to me, I heard giggling and stifled guffaws from the cadets to the right and left of me. Then I realized there were no holes in my target - if, in fact this was MY target. A moment of nervous muttering was interrupted by an exclamation from another instructor holding up the shredded target of the cadet two positions to the left of me. It had 11 holes, three more than the cadet would have had in the clip. That still left 5 rounds unaccounted for. It wasn’t lost on me that those cartridges could have ended up in the brains of as many as 5 of my fellow Mil 1 students.
The final, ignominious, but, in hindsight, fucking hilarious demonstration of my unfitness to continue training to graduate with the rank of First Louie was the day of the big inspection of the troops. Everyone was there, all spit and polish. I had managed to dress in a complete uniform and had polished my brass buttons the only time in 2 years. I had stopped in at the armory and taken the M-1 apart, cleaned, it, oiled it, and, with no one around to help me, managed to get all the parts back into the chamber. Some of the brass from Wright-Patterson Air Force Base, blue suits, were coming to the University of Dayton campus drill field to review the cadets trained under the auspices of the green suits. The Pershing Rifles, an elite (and elitist) bunch of gung-ho guys who wore fancy uniforms with white helmets and scarves, performed a couple of sets of orchestrated choreography involving tricky marches and twirling their gleaming white rifles.
Finally, I found myself standing at rapt attention, purposefully NOT making eye contact with the student lieutenant, who hated me, or the student sergeant, who hated me, or the kindly-looking gray-templed Full Bird Colonel, whose eyes slightly crinkled as he smiled expectantly. “HREE-SE-E-ENT HARMS!”
Presently, I held the rifle at my right arm’s length, reached with my left hand, pulled back the bolt to expose the chamber for scrutiny, and held my head and hands steady as various parts of the intricacy and complexity of the M-1 Rifle spilled out and down, bouncing off the shoes of the sergeant, the lieutenant and the Full Bird Colonel.
The rage I detected in the student lieutenant’s face was palpable. The sergeant’s face was blood red and growing to something darker. I thought I saw his head convulse in little jerks. The Colonel’s eyes were still crinkly but he wasn’t smiling. I became aware of the great effort of the cadets around me to resist falling down laughing. They emitted barely audible sniffs and grunts and yelps. The Colonel said, finally, “Let’s move on.”
At some point, as we continued to stand sweating under an 80-something degree May sun, the sergeant managed to rush over and fly up in my face with his red mug still twitching. He snarled, “Man, you’re really in for it, now! They’re gonna kick you out of the Corps!”
I said, “Oh, please. What EVER you do, don’t kick me outta the CORPS!”
I can’t be the one to say whether this makes me a fuck-up. Obviously, I’m too close to the subject. I’ve spent a life following the rules - well, mostly my own rules. More power to those who can follow the dictates of the military life. I really appreciate their commitment. I hope they’ll overlook my sloppy salute…
We’ll throw an extra Nathan’s on the grill Monday in case you’re in the neighborhood.
Kids - remember, never play leapfrog with a unicorn.
Here’s your video -
BIRD BRAIN MAKES STATEMENT ON BUSH…
As Bush took a question about his corrupt Attorney General, he remarked, "I've got confidence in Al Gonzales doin' the job."
Simultaneously, a bird left a splash
on the Monkey's jacket, which Bush stuck his hand in several times.
Since it's all about spin, Dana Perino quipped, "Everyone knows that's a sign of good luck."
Click for the Video
POLL: MAJORITY FAVORS REPLACING AMERICAN EAGLE WITH BIRD WHO POOPED ON BUSH
The View featured Rosie O'Donnell and Elizabeth Hasselbeck angrily going after each other Wednesday over the Iraq war. The spat got vicious and very personal.
ALL RISE! All liberals together now - PLEASE disavow the big brutish dyke who got her disgusting fat ass verbally and ideologically whipped by the shapely (pregnant) little half pint hetero blonde... Point goes to the CONSERVATIVE APOLOGIST FOR THE UNJUST WAR!! Rosie, how could you, you ignorant pig! You even made the wing nuts on the radio quit bashin’ Cindy Sheehan!
Sure Elizabeth Hasselbeck’s a bimbo for Bush - but check out her new prego-rack!
I wouldn't want to be on the receiving end of Rosie's strap-on for awhile... Rosie's wife prob’ly got a "hate fuck" the last couple of nights...
Rosie’s missus fell in love with her when she discovered the carpet-like hair on Rosie’s back. She said that it reminded her of her father, who was always wearing a sweater.
Hey, Rosie, Remember the Fuckin’ Hindenburg?!
HOLY SCRIPTURES, BATMAN -
CREATIONISTS GOT A(nother) THEME PARK!!
"A fundamentalist (Young Earth Creationists) Christian group known as "Answers in Genesis" officially opens a mammoth 60,000-square-foot Creation Museum on Monday (Memorial Day), dedicated to refuting the considerable corpus
of evidence underpinning scientific evolution. The $27 million facility boasts state-of-the-art exhibits, a planetarium, lecture hall, gift and book shop, and is another example of how creationism - the belief that the Book of Genesis provides an accurate, literal account of how life and the universe came to be - is moving relentlessly into the cultural mainstream..."
[American Atheists]
FREE INQUIRY GROUP OF CINCINNATI TO HOST
RALLY FOR REASON
SPEAK OUT
Sunday, May 27, 2007 -- 7:00 PM
Hilton Hotel, Cincinnati Airport, 7373 Turfway Rd., Florence,
KY. Phone 859-371-4400
DETAILS
The Speak-Out will feature talks by Arlene-Marie (Michigan Atheists);
Frank Zindler (American Atheists);
Rev. Mendel Adams (Minister and critic of creationism);
evolutionary biologist Gene Kritsky;
former physician and Camp Quest co-founder Helen Kagin and others. There
will be an open mike after the formal presentations, and the news media has been invited.
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Jake Novak's Humor Blog
Lebanon Fighting
Lebanese troops continue to pound Palestinian refugee camps in Tripoli... but since the Israelis aren’t doing it, no is protesting to the U.N. or crying on CNN.
Refugee Camp Conditions
U.N. officials say there is no hospital in the Palestinian refugee camp where the Lebanese army is currently fighting the al-Fatah terrorist group. Palestinian leaders say they wanted to build a hospital there, but their first priority was to produce their own Anti-Jewish childrens TV show.
Comedian Argus Hamilton
Democratic candidate John Edwards said Wednesday there is no such thing as the Global War on Terror. He's outraged. If there's one thing a personal injury lawyer can't stand it's a trumped-up case with billions and billions of dollars riding on it.
BILL MAULDIN
Justice Department official Monica Goodling stonewalled Congress about the U.S. attorney firings Wednesday. All day she said she didn't know and she didn't recall. Don't confuse Monica Goodling with Monica Lewinsky, this one doesn't spit out anything.
Mayor Mike Bloomberg ordered all Manhattan taxi companies to use hybrid cars within six years. It will save more than money. The terrible acceleration and slow speed of these cars will give New York cab drivers something to complain about besides Zionism.
Senator Lindsey Graham was booed at the South Carolina GOP convention Saturday when he defended last week's immigration reform proposal. Emotions are running high. Somehow you knew South Carolina would be the first state to try to secede from Mexico.
Have you been TRYING to follow “Lost”? The season finale showed Jack with a full beard. He wasn’t on the island. And it wasn’t a flashback. It was a… what?… “flash future”?!? Three more years. Then all will be revealed. That’s about when we’ll be finding out more horrific shit about the Generalissimo W. Bunnypants Regime…
Comedian Argus Hamilton
The Dallas Cowboys were chosen to host the Super Bowl in five years when their new billion-dollar stadium is completed along with its huge retractable roof. A lot of people in Texas don't like this new stadium. They think it looks like an open mind.
Penn State coach Joe Paterno ordered his football team to clean up the stadium every Sunday this fall. It builds character. Some of them are going to be Cincinnati Bengals someday, and picking up trash is great training for both community service and strip bars.
More from Jake
Viagra Study
A new study shows that Viagra might help relieve jet lag. Okay, but if I try it, I'm REALLY going to need a bulkhead seat.
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"Well," snarled the tough old Navy Chief to the bewildered Seaman. "I suppose after you get discharged from the Navy, you'll just be waiting for me to die so you can come and piss on my grave."
"Not me, Chief!" the Seaman replied. "Once I get out of the Navy, I'm never going to stand in line again!"
DJ JACKIE JACK
(Body Builder Jackie Finnan)
"Towel Heads!"
Recently I received a warning about the use of this
politically incorrect term.
Please try to pay attention.
We have been informed that the Islamic terrorists do not
like to be called "Towel Heads" since the item they wear on their heads is actually a small folded sheet.
Therefore, from this point forward, please refer to them as "little sheet heads."
Thank you for your support on this delicate matter.
Barbie & GI Joe modeled on Samuel Jackson
LI'L KIM
"Never in the history of the US Armed Forces have so many done so much for so few..." MAJ (Task Force Warrior) on the "success" of the Free Iraqi Forces (FIF) Training Program, where 1100 Army troops trained 77 Iraqi exiles at the cost of, well, way too much...
"OSD (Office of the Secretary of Defense) will continue to drive this cart into the ground long after the wheels have been sold on E-bay." MAJ (JS) on the progress of FIF (Free Iraqi Forces)
"Never pet a burning dog." LTC (Tennessee National Guard)
PHOTO BY KRIEGER
"It's basically announcing to the world that I've completely given up." LT (USN F-14 squadron) on his initial feelings behind the wheel of his brand new minivan.
"Whatever happened to good old-fashioned military leadership? Just task the first two people you see."
"I think that my next set of orders will take me to Iraq. My career's going so badly that I'm considered a 'dead-ender.'" LtCol (EUCOM)
As they stood in formation at the Pensacola Naval Air Station, the Flight Instructor said, "All right! All you dummies fall out."
As the rest of the squad wandered away, Jerry remained at attention.
The instructor walked over until he was eye-to-eye with Jerry, and then just raised a single eyebrow. Jerry smiled and said, "Sure was a lot of 'em, huh sir?"
Q. How do you know your date with the fighter pilot is half over?
A. He says "but enough about me - wanna hear about my plane?"
Q: How do you know if there is a fighter pilot at your party?
A: He'll tell you.
Q: What's the difference between God and fighter pilots?
A: God doesn't think he's a fighter pilot.
Q: What's the difference between a fighter pilot and a jet engine?
A: A jet engine stops whining when the plane shuts down.
Good fortune. COMMENT!! Please spread the meme. Don’t smoke in bed…
