September 29, 2ôô7 BUY JERRY LEE LEWIS HERE & Help Support Rev. Art’s Blog
Comedian Argus Hamilton
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This blog’s sponsors don’t hate intellectuals, you know, like the sponsors of “Little Green Footballs”.
Readers are cautioned to keep their heads inside until the blog comes to a complete stop… [suggested by Tom‘s Lake]
BLOGGING FOR HILLARY
Dear Rev. Art,
Today, I am proud to announce my endorsement of Senator Hillary Clinton as President of the United States.
The world has reached a critical point, and we need a leader in the White House with the courage, intelligence and humility to navigate through many troubling challenges to our security at home and abroad. I believe Senator Clinton is that leader, and I whole-heartedly endorse her for President of the United States. Senator Clinton and I share a worldview in which diplomacy is the best first-strike tool in our arsenal; in today's complicated global system, the United States should be making more friends than enemies.
Our economic and national security has become more complicated than ever before, and we deserve a leader who draws on wisdom, compassion, intelligence and moral courage -- in short, we need Hillary Clinton. She is tough but fair, a rock-solid leader equal to the many weighty challenges ahead of us.
Your continued participation in the political process is absolutely critical. I hope you'll join me in supporting Hillary Clinton's campaign for President.
Sincerely,
Wes Clark
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"I am endorsing Hillary Clinton for President because she is ready to lead, she understands the change that America needs and she has never backed down from a fight." [Senator Debbie Stabenow]
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Jerry Lee Lewis (72) also known by the nickname The Killer, is an American rock and roll and country music singer, songwriter, and pianist. An early pioneer of rock and roll music, Lewis was inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in 1986 and his pioneering contribution to the genre has been recognized by the Rockabilly Hall of Fame.
In 2004, Rolling Stone Magazine ranked him #24 on their list of the 100 Greatest Artists of All Time.
BUY JERRY LEE LEWIS HERE & Help Support Rev. Art’s Blog
Abu Usama al-Tunisi (??) senior leader of the Islamic terrorist group al-Qaida, believed to be connected to the kidnapping and killings of three American soldiers in June 2006 in Fallujah, Iraq. al-Tunisi later became a leader in helping to bring foreign terrorists into the country and may have held the only key to al-Qaida leadership there. He was shot and killed by US-led forces in Baghdad, Iraq on September 28, 2007.
Life In Legacy
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"Childrens do learn!" [The Chimperor of the United States]
"If Barack doesn't win Iowa, it's just a dream."
[Michelle Obama]
“I predict Obama will come in third in Iowa.” [BartCop.com]
"The issue before us is not simply whether we should end Saddam's regime, but whether we are prepared to physically occupy Iraq for the next 30 to 50 years. Those who are pushing for a unilateral war in Iraq know full well that there is no exit strategy if we invade and stay."
[Jim Webb, now Senator (D-Va) September 4, 2002]
"Are there gays in the military? Yes, but we shouldn't condone activity that, in my upbringing, is counter to God's law."
[Gen. Peter Pace, religiously insane chairman of the Joint Chiefs, pretending there's a God and insisting others share in his delusion] thanx t’ BartCop.com
"The meek shall inherit the earth, but not the mineral rights."
[J. Paul Getty]
"We have Art in order not to die of life."
[Albert Camus]
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WELL HOWDY, REV’LERS! 
I’m Rev. Art. Welcome to our crib in Metro Fairborn and THE STAND-UP! - Its like having chlamydia without the the memory of sex with a stripper. 
PLEASE - join Da Rev & Da Pagan Baby in contributing to an all out effort to eradicate a horrific malady brought to our attention by Jay & Jean. I hope we can count on a check from everyone here this weekend for $500. or more for continuing research into “Serpents’ Cairn Dance”!
The big attraction in Metro Fairborn this weekend in a tiny corner of the Air Base is the Children's Airshow, which features The World's Youngest Pilot, Lucky Linus!
And now - an interminable number of words from Channel 16 in Dayton - sandwiched into brief taped performances by our favorite dead celebrities...
Y' say ye's let yer kid go on his own to the tattoo parlor? How'd that work out?
Help yourself to the buffet. We’ve got Buffalo mozzarella porcupine, banana leaves and donuts. And BUTTER SNACKERS (new!)!
Gallery of the Absurd
Which Jessica Would You Most Like To Spend Time With? (The Toque)
The Choices:
Jessica Alba * 41.5% 
Jessica Biel * 22%
Jessica Rabbit * 22%
Jessica Simpson * 12.2%
Jessica Tandy * 2.4%
Troubling: 2.4% of the respondents appear to be into necrophilia.
HOW "VERY BRADY" IS THIS?!
"Jan, we have to do something about Cindy's tattling... She just told Alice about us, your stash, and the black mambo I keep under my mattress!"
Did you catch any of Mamoud Aminedejad’s stand-up at the UN or at Columbia U. this week? The guy’s hilarious! I don’t know if he planted the reporter in the audience who asked about Iran’s policy of executing homosexuals - but his response brought the house down: “We have no homosexuals in Iran!”
During his remarks, Ahmadinejad said there are no homosexuals in Iran... which must make it very hard for him to date.
What? You say he wasn’t joking? Well… if he’s serious, I’m afraid Andy’s gonna have trouble finding a publisher for his new book - “GUIDE TO GAY BARS IN IRAN - 2007”!
(Note: Iran is one of seven countries in the world that apply the death penalty for homosexual acts; all of them justify this punishment with Islamic law. The Judiciary does not recognize the concept of sexual orientation, and thus from a legal standpoint there are no homosexuals or bisexuals, only heterosexuals committing homosexual acts.)
A comment by Voltaire leaps to mind… "Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities."
Mamoud didn’t entertain any questions regarding the popular apprehension that there is widespread goat-fucking in his country.
Mamoud is a dangerous megalomaniac. Uhhmmm… Whom do we use to measure Mamoud’s degree of insane homicidal/genocidal ideations? Dick Cheney? Yup. Our own scary Dick! 
"We still have plenty of firecrackers - we need more hamsters!"
SPEAKING OF NUT FUNDIES:
In my ongoing e-mail discussion with Ferd the Fundie, this week he told me that I CAN’T be an atheist because there really is a GAWD - whether I choose to believe it or not and cited passages in the Bible where it says so…
Ferd does this one thing that almost makes me break out in a rash. He relates multiple versions of Pascal's Wager as though he thought them up himself. 
As usual I pointed out that most of the Bible originated in ancient myths, many of them from previous religions. But Ferd argued that the Bible stories are not myths . . . they're parables. And they're all true! 
I asked him if he knew who wrote the Book of Moses. He said Moses, of course. I asked him, “Did he leave behind any signed tablets?”
Finally, he said he hopes the liberals don’t elect a president next year ‘cuz it would be very bad for Christians. I asked, “Aren’t there liberal Christians?”
“They’re not true Christians.”
Then I told him his conservative Christians should find common ground with Sunni Muslims - same nutball anti-modernism, anti-democracy, sexual repression, and so on - just a different deity!
Then Ferd told me I’m going to HELL!
Q: Who was the first carpenter mentioned in the Bible?
A: Eve. She made Adam's banana stand.
Q: What happened to Jesus when he went to Mount Olive?
A: Popeye beat the shit out of him.
THE BIBLE & RACIAL ORIGIN:
Did God Make You From Dirty Black Mud or Beautiful White Sand?
HERE’S YOUR VIDEO:Kathy Griffin’s EMMY Award Acceptance Speech
AND - Spike Jones w/ Wilbur Hall (hillarious)
"Forget the glass slipper - I know what will fit perfectly!"
If I knew then what I know now then I would now know more than I know.
I-I-I
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Jake Novak's Humor Blog
UN Intervenes
A U.N. rep is headed to Myanmar to try to stop the violence... which means the violent government crackdown will either continue indefinitely or be blamed on Israel.
Drug Rep Found Dead
The body of a missing Eli Lilly drug sales rep has been found in Illinois. Her family can pick up the body, as soon as they scrape together the $40. co-pay. 
Supreme Court on Lethal Injection
The Supreme Court will hear a challenge from two inmates on death row in Kentucky who claim lethal injection amounts to cruel and unusual punishment. The justices will have to decide whether being executed in Kentucky is more cruel than living in Kentucky.
Episcopal bishops convened in New Orleans to decide church doctrine about ordaining gay bishops. The church has just one article of faith. Episcopalians believe that Jesus Christ was Jewish on his mother's side and English on His Father's. 
President Bush flew to New York to address the United Nations General Assembly Tuesday. The delegates were one tough crowd for him. When you don't have enough soldiers to invade any of their countries you find out if your jokes are really funny. 
President Bush on Tuesday demanded democracy for Myanmar, which is better known as Burma. This is the last country we want to liberate with our twelve remaining U.S. soldiers. They have got jungles in Burma that make Vietnam look like the Great Plains. 
U.S. Senator Larry Craig withdrew his guilty plea to lewd conduct in a men's room in Minneapolis Tuesday. The arguments were heated. At one point the senator got so angry he stomped his feet three times and the judge went back to the hotel with him.
Idaho Senator Larry Craig has a history or trying to meet someone for anonymous sex in public bathrooms. It's a lesson that no matter how old you are, you should learn to use a computer. 
President Bush is still angry with Democrats for undermining General Petraeus's Senate testimony urging patience in Iraq. No one doubts the general's credentials. He left his post at the War College to lecture for two years at the Publicity College. 
Thanx t' Tom's Lake
The U.S. dollar has dropped so far, it's now on a par with the Canadian dollar. Nice to know when Washington introduces the
draft Americans who flee to Canada won't lose money on the deal.
CIRCUS
On TV news yesterday: Some U.S. cities are considering a ban on circuses within city limits. At this point it's not clear how this will effect the presidential campaign.
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Are popular sporting events fixed? C’mon - any enterprise that attracts bets in the million$ is open to team cheating, as we have seen - and it‘s no stretch from there to league rigging. (The NFL is the only league; professional or college, that requires the camera operators to sign a non disclosure agreement.)
I recall an X-File episode where the Cigarette Smoking Man is wrapping up year end business with his underlings. One of them asks, "Who do you think should win the next Super Bowl? The Bills?"
The Cigarette Smoking Man replied, irritably, "Not if I have anything to do with it!"
MORE from Jake
Nuns Booted
Six Catholic nuns in Arkansas have been excommunicated for heresy after refusing to give up membership in a sect whose founder claims to be possessed by the Virgin Mary. The Church vows to continue the excommunications until the sect is disbanded, or Notre Dame finally wins a football game, whichever comes first. 
Tom's Lake
BRITNEY
There's a report Britney Spears is negotiating for her own TV
sitcom. Britney will play the wacky lady who lives next door who's always forgetting to wear her panties.
MORE Argus
Beatles producer Phil Spector got a mistrial Wednesday in the shooting death of actress Lana Clarkson. Deliberations were brutal. It took the jury twelve days to decide Phil Spector was a big enough celebrity to get away with murder in Los Angeles. 
OH MAN! Remember "Julia" the '60s series starring the beautiful Diahann Carroll?
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If Poppy Montgomery (of "Without a Trace") was a prisoner at Gitmo I'd pump her until she broke.
HUNKS FOR THE LADIES
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OH, NO! DUMB BLONDE JOKES! (The JOKES are dumb...)
What does a blonde say when you blow in her ear?
"Thanks for the refill!" 
She looks like she's never seen a pussy before!
What do you call a blonde in a Volkswagen
"FarFromThinking" 
If ACTRESS GAIL McKENNA were a spilt-level machine shop I'd grind my tool in her basement.
Why do blondes take "the pill."
So they know what day of the week it is
Why do blondes wear Green lipstick?
Because Red means stop.
Why do blondes have TGIF written on their shoes?
Toes Go In First 
What do a screen door and a blonde have in common?
The more you bang it, the looser it gets.
PEANUTS according to BUKOWSKI...
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Good fortune. COMMENT! Please spread the meme. Don’t smoke in bed…
