October 20 , 2ôô7
BLOGGING FOR HILLARY
Terrific picture of Hillary. She looks all wholesome and outdoorsy, and country - with freckles, yet! Hillary's so sexy. I may pass out! Surprisingly, those pantsuits don't reveal the lines of the garter belt.
She looks good for "a woman her age", you say? Have you checked out Liddy Dole in the last ten years? And I hate to say it, but Nancy P tries waaaaay too hard.
Argus Hamilton says: “Hillary Clinton dropped her idea to give five thousand dollars to every baby born in America. She didn't do the math. Her advisors had to show her that when you added up the interest, by the time they were twelve they would be Republicans.”
Hillary's the only grown-up running among the Dems - and she's more libertarian than any of the Repugs - including Ron Paul, who denies a woman's autonomy over her own body.
Jerry Jerome Bernard Orbach would be 73. The American singer-actor is best known for his starring role as Det. Lennie Briscoe in the Law & Order television series and for his musical theater roles. Jerry was the only child of Emily Olexy (a Polish American Roman Catholic) and the late Leon Orbach (a German Jew of Sephardic descent). He was reared as a Roman Catholic.
Orbach was an accomplished Broadway and off-Broadway actor. His first major role was that of El Gallo in the original cast of the decades-running hit The Fantasticks. He also starred in Carnival!, the musical version of the movie Lili. He also starred in a revival of Guys and Dolls (Tony Award nomination for Best Featured Actor in a Musical), Promises, Promises (Tony Award for Best Actor in a Musical), the original productions of Chicago (Tony Award nomination for Best Actor in a Musical) and 42nd Street, and a revival of The Cradle Will Rock.
Da Rev remembers Orbach and his first wife Marta from the summer of 1958 when they were part of a repertory company producing shows in Dayton. The producer-director, Doug Crawford, did a morning TV gabfest during the summer to promote the weekly productions. Jerry’s singing and dry humor made a lasting impression and I followed his career through the years. In an appearance on Celebrity Jeopardy several years ago, Jerry surprisingly beat his younger opponents owing chiefly to his vast knowledge of rock music history. Jerry Orbach was an eye donor; his eyes saved two people from blindness.
Adm. William J. Crowe Jr. (82) former chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff in the Reagan and Bush 41 administrations who signed an agreement with Soviet military leaders that helped to reduce tensions between the superpowers. Crowe retired from the military in 1989 and later was appointed ambassador to Britain by President Clinton.
Crowe surprised politicos when he endorsed Bill Clinton in the presidential election of 1992. He received four Defense Distinguished Service Medals and, following his retirement from the Navy, he was awarded a 2000 Presidential Medal of Freedom, the United States' highest civilian honor. In 1998, the American Ataturk Association honored Crowe with the "Ataturk Peace and Democracy Award." His death was due to a heart condition.
Teresa Brewer (76) singer who topped the charts in the '50s with such hits as "'Til I Waltz Again with You." The elfin Brewer achieved teenage stardom as a spunky novelty act; its catchy song, "Music! Music! Music!," became a jukebox fixture, won a gold record, and was her signature song. She had scores of hits in the '50s and a burgeoning film career but pared down her public life to raise her four daughters. She reemerged 10 years later to perform with jazz greats Duke Ellington, Dizzy Gillespie, and Wynton Marsalis. She recorded close to 600 songs, 40 of which topped the charts, including "Dancin' with Someone," "Into Each Life Some Rain Must Fall," "Ricochet," and "Let Me Go Lover." Her public recognition was heightened by many TV appearances with personalities like Ed Sullivan, Mel Tormé, Perry Como, Arthur Godfrey, and Tony Bennett and engagements at leading nightclubs. She died of supranuclear palsy, a rare degenerative brain disease, in New Rochelle, New York on October 17, 2007. Life In Legacy
Deborah Kerr (Kar)(86) British actress, the ladylike English rose whose red-haired, angular beauty and dignified femininity distinguished more than 50 films in a 40-year career in Britain and Hollywood. Kerr shared one of filmdom's most famous kisses with Burt Lancaster in From Here to Eternity (1953). 
Born in Scotland, she began her career in regional British theaters and entertained the troops during World War II. Her first major screen role was in Major Barbara (1941) with Rex Harrison and Wendy Hiller. Kerr's other memorable roles included Anna Leonowens, the British governess who falls for the king of Siam (Yul Brynner) in The King & I (1956). But many film fans will remember her best for her clinch in the surf with Lancaster in the wartime drama From Here to Eternity—regularly included among the greatest screen kisses. Kerr, who suffered from Parkinson's disease, died in Suffolk, England on October 16, 2007. Life In Legacy 
In THE GYPSY MOTHS
Joey Bishop (Joseph Abraham Gottlieb) (89) had two '60s TV shows and made more than a dozen films. Joey Bishop, the deadpan comedian who was ABC's answer to NBC's late-night talk show king Johnny Carson in the late 1960s and was the last surviving member of Frank Sinatra's legendary Rat Pack. He was 89. Wikipedia
"The twentieth century was marred by wars of unimaginable brutality, mass murder and genocide. History records that the Armenians were the first people of the last century to endure these cruelties. The Armenians were subjected to a genocidal campaign that defies comprehension and commands all decent people to remember and acknowledge the facts and lessons of an awful crime in a century of bloody crimes against humanity. If elected President, I would ensure that our nation properly recognizes the tragic suffering of the Armenian people." [George W. Bush, 2-19-2000]
"That which we call sin in others is experiment for us."
[Ralph Waldo Emerson]
Q. Which religion do you believe to be the most dangerous to humanity today?
A. “I don't know. What's the mildest, most inoffensive, least assertive religion you can think of?
That one.
Religion is an act of sedition against reason. Whatever religion is most seductive and likely to draw in victims to surrender their skepticism is the worst.” [Prof. PZ Myers]
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WELL HOWDY, REV’LERS! 
I’m Rev. Art. Welcome to our crib in Metro Fairborn and THE STAND-UP! - Its like It's like CSI. Only we keep the dead bodies.
[DO YOU TRUST YOUR HUSBAND TO TAKE PHONE MESSAGES?!]
My Native American name is Runs For Beer.
Fortunately they gave me a day pass so I could be with you today.
This crowd looks like it could be a side effect of my meds.
PLEASE - join Da Rev & Da Pagan Baby in contributing to an all out effort to eradicate a horrific malady brought to our attention by Kev & Britney. I hope we can count on a check from everyone here this weekend for $500. or more for continuing research into “Puking Pimples”…
Noah Webster was born this week in 1758. He became famous for a book he wrote with the fascinating title, Webster's Dictionary. The first version of his dictionary didn't sell many copies. But that changed when he published a revised edition - with the words arranged alphabetically. 
I was hanging out with a friend when we saw a woman with a nose ring attached to an earring by a chain. My friend said, "Won't the chain rip out every time she turns her head?"
What do YOU think?
I fixed sausage and eggs this morning. It took me about 15 minutes. Of course, it was a day's work for a chicken, and a lifetime commitment for a pig. 
Why use 911 - when there’s always .357?
Remember, friends - a well-armed society is a polite society! That’s why we don’t make you leave your weapon in the car.
FAUX News stone face Brit Hume - whom I like to refer to as Tony Snow’s mother - has a fan club? Let me guess - Hume-asexuals?
A study shows people who tend to the elderly and change their diapers have the highest rates of work-related depression. The group with the second highest level of work-related depression? Comedy writers who have to come up with something amusing to say about workers who tend to the elderly and change their diapers. Thanx t' Tom's Lake Humor Co.
Sure - a picture is worth a thousand words - but it uses up three thousand times the memory!
Thanx t' Tom's Lake Humor Co.
From Scotland comes word that sightings of the Loch Ness monster
have dropped to zero. No one has seen Nessie in quite a while.
Easy to explain: She married Prince Charles and moved to London.
Thanx t' Tom's Lake Humor Co.
Stupidity is not a handicap. Don‘t park there! 
Michael reminds us that he who dies with the most toys is none the less dead.
IF you believe in a historical and literal Jesus, please speculate as to how he and the 12 cronies managed to live without working for wages? C'mon, believers - help me out here!
I know Jesus had a couple of wealthy patrons in Lazarus and Nicodemus, which raises other questions, ahem.
Some of the apostles were fishermen. Did they basically support the rest of the gang?
Did Jesus pass the offering plate after presenting a few parables or homilies?
Did Mary Magdalene have to turn over all her earnings to Jesus?
Did he hit up his parents for a few coins now and again?
Nowadays, at least, Jesus would be entitled to a Public Defender at his trial...
CURRENTLY AVAILABLE @ TARGET! Talking Jesus Figure!
Also, Talking Mary, Moses and Noah Figures!
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I-I-I
VIDEO: ARLEN SPECTER DOES BLUE COMEDY STAND-UP!
BANGKOK, Thailand (AP) — Women in several countries have begun sending their panties to Myanmar embassies in a culturally insulting gesture of protest against the recent brutal crackdown there, a campaign supporter said Friday. The group, Lanna Action for Burma, says the country’s superstitious generals, especially junta leader Gen. Than Shwe, also believe that contact with women’s underwear saps them of power.
And there's this video from Cliff Schecter's blog:
The Republicans may have the perfect candidate they have been searching for!
Green Party activists are saying ex-Rep. Cynthia McKinney will seek their party's 2008 presidential nomination. The nappy-headed, batshit crazy McKinney reportedly changed her party registration to Green last week.
Jake Novak's Humor Blog
Nobel Bigot
Dr. James Watson, winner of the 1962 Nobel Prize for Medicine, is under fire after he claimed black people are less intelligent than whites. The Nobel committee is especially embarrassed, since it usually only awards racists the Nobel Peace Prize.
Peace Talks
Secretary of State Kindasleazzy Rice says the time for a Palestinian state is now... because if there's one thing the Arab people need, it's another Islamic dictatorship with no economy, resources, or sanity. 
Nobel Prize Winners
Americans Leonid Hurwicz, Eric Maskin and Roger Myerson won the Nobel prize in economics on Monday for developing a theory that helps explain how incentives and private information affect business transactions. Accordingly, the three winners plan to spend the $1.5 million in prize money on the secret 2-for-1 drinks deal at TGI Friday's.
Comedian Argus Hamilton
Turkey's Parliament voted to authorize Turkish troops to invade Iraq to hunt down rebel Kurds. No troops could be sent until the elected representatives of the people specifically authorized it. That's how they do it in backward countries.
GOP presidential candidates took turns addressing a conference of Christian conservatives meeting in Washington this weekend. These people are pro-gun rights, anti-gay and very pro-life. Rudy Giuliani would be safer at a First Wives Convention. 
American Taliban Leader Pat Robertson warned that the United States will incur the wrath of God if it forces Israel to divide Jerusalem with the Palestinians. That's completely ridiculous. If God was trying to protect Jerusalem, he would have put it in Australia. 
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Senator Larry Craig was inducted into Idaho's Hall of Fame. It was very unsatisfying for him. Larry Craig is responsible for thirty-five years of highway and dam and bridge construction in Idaho, but do they call him Larry the Bridgebuilder? 
GOP candidate Ron Paul won the Michigan debate by a giant margin according to MSNBC's poll. He's drawing huge support on the Internet. He's a congressman and a gynecologist, which draws people to his web site just to see if there are naked women. 
HELLO, DALAI!
President Bush will present the Medal of Honor this week to Tibet's Dalai Lama, who wants Tibet independent of China. No one's worried about China's reaction. How much angrier can they get, they're already poisoning the Barbie Dolls and the seafood. 
[Maybe the POTUS was talking about starting another war in the Third World - he's good at that...]
MORE Jake
AOL Layoffs
AOL announced today that it is cutting its global work force by an additional 2,000 jobs as it continues a transition from the world's leading Internet access provider to the world's leading provider of emails about penis enlargement.
MORE From Comedian Argus Hamilton
Paris Hilton announced she will make a goodwill visit to health clinics in Africa next month. No wonder we're hated all over the world. The continent is dying of sexually transmitted disease and we're sending Paris Hilton to check on them! 
The German Soccer Federation allowed a German team member who was born in Iran to refuse to play in Israel for political reasons. The team won't miss him. He only had one goal all year, and that was the destruction of Israel.
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HUNKS FOR THE LADIES
[If this luscious school girl were a hot dog bun - I'd wrap her around my sizzling bratwurst.]
A six-year-old boy told his father he wanted to marry the little girl across the street. The father, being modern and well-schooled in handling children, hid his smile behind his hand.
"That's a serious step," he said. "Have you thought it out completely?"
"Yes," his young son answered. "We can spend one week in my room and the next in hers. It's right across the street, so I can run home if I get scared of the dark."
"How about transportation?" the father asked.
"I have my wagon, and we both have our tricycles," the little boy answered. The boy had an answer to every question the father raised.
Finally, in exasperation, his dad asked, "What about babies? When you're married, you're liable to have babies, you know."
"We've thought about that, too," the little boy replied. "We're not going to have babies. Every time she lays an egg, I'm going to step on it!" 
The executive was interviewing a young, anxious applicant for a position in his company. He wanted to find out something about her personality so he asked, "If you could have a conversation with someone, living or dead, who would it be?"
The applicant quickly responded, "The living one." 
[If Serena were an Oreo - I'd eat her from the inside out.]
A Kentucky couple, both certified rednecks, had nine children. They went to the doctor to see about getting the husband "fixed." The doctor gladly started the required procedure and asked them what finally made them make the decision - why after nine children, would they choose to do this. The husband replied that they had read in a recent article that one out of every ten children being born in the United States was Mexican, and they didn't want to take a chance on having a Mexican baby because neither of them could speak Spanish. 
They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken. 
[Carla Gugino is so hot, doctors have to take her temperature using the Kelvin scale.]
The Living Will.
Last night, my wife and I were sitting in the living room and I said to her, "I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug."
She got up, unplugged the TV and threw out my beer. 
I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area. So I went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed up.
She smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and I was in good hands.
"Now," she asked me, "has your plane arrived yet?"
FROM THE LAST CHANCE GARAGE:
THE '55 CHRYSLER IMPERIAL
Good fortune. COMMENT! Please spread the meme. Don’t smoke in bed…
