October 27 , 2ôô7
GIVING THANKS?
Sure, why not? While others may thank their God or gods or goddesses on the official day of Thanksgiving this atheist is thankful for the objective reality of the support of others. Thank you all who are connected and connected to us. We feel fortunate for that connectedness and for the opportunity to express thanks to each other and acknowledge our interdependence at least once a year.
We know you’re out there, farmers, soldiers, reporters, scientists, teachers, engineers, builders, servers, friends we know and love and friends we are not yet aware of, and especially you, dear readers of this blog.
Oh Boy - the holidays just around the corner! It’s time to dig out my red contact lenses - just to fuck up all those photos. Thanx t' Tom's Lake Humor Co.
John Lennon wrote “Imagine”. It presents a concept of interconnectedness for consideration. Yup, we’re thankful to John.
Imagine there's no heaven
It's easy if you try
No hell below us
Above us only sky
Imagine all the people
Living for today...
Imagine there's no countries
It isn't hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion too
Imagine all the people
Living life in peace...
You may say I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will be as one
Imagine no possessions
I wonder if you can
No need for greed or hunger
A brotherhood of man
Imagine all the people
Sharing all the world...
You may say I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will live as one
AN URGENT APPEAL:
SAVE THE TASMANIAN DEVILS!
No Shit! TAZ gots TROUBLES!
HILLARY THE WINNER!
Did You see the Dems Debate Thursday? Click HERE for HIGHLIGHTS for of Hillary's performance...
"MERCY SAKES, PIG PEN - CW AIN'T GETTIN' ANY YOUNGER! 10-4...
Billy Dale Fries (79) who created his better-known alter ego CW McCall. He wrote and rapped the odyssey that was “Convoy”, which was turned into a hugely successful movie in the mid-’70s. Bill Fries was a mild-mannered art director for an ad agency before his incarnation as the CB jaw-jackin', smokey teasin' trucker (who originated as a staple in an ad campaign). Bill or CW is serious about the environment, particularly around the San Juan Mountains in Colorado where he moved his family 30+ years ago.
CW wrote about “Ol‘ Mavis Davis” the waitress at the “Old Home Fill'er-Up an' Keep On-a- Truckin Café”: "This gal's built like a burlap bag full o' bobcats, she's got it TOO - gether... reminds ya of a couple a Cub Scouts tryin' to set up a Sears Roebuck pup tent!"
Ol’ CW drawled: “Was the dark of the moon on the sixth of June, in a Kenworth pullin’ logs, cab-over Pete with a reefer on and a Jimmy haulin’ hogs…”
And CW wrote THE environmentalist anthem that negates the need to write another one:
“There Won't Be No Country Music (There Won't Be No Rock 'N' Roll)”
Well, it's only gonna be about an hour, friend
'Til they dam your favorite river
So you can water-ski just one more reservoir
And them supersonic ships are gonna take you
'Cross a sea of pavement
To one more faceless brickyard on the shore
Yeah, it's only gonna be about an hour or so
'Til they rip off all your mountains, boy
And that one last tired old eagle bites the sand
And all of that high-and-mighty scenery's
Gonna be leveled to the ground, boy
By a bunch a' them mindless strip mines on the land
[Chorus]
So listen well, my brothers
When you hear the night wind sigh
And you see the wild goose flying
Through the gray, polluted sky
There won't be no country music
There won't be no rock 'n' roll
'Cause when they take away our country
They'll take away our soul
Well, it's only gonna take about a minute or so
'Til the junkyards fell the prairies, boy
And them smokin' yellow grass fires start to burn
And the warnings on them beer cans
Gonna be buried in them landfills
No deposit, no sad songs, and no returns
Yeah, it's only gonna take about a minute or so
'Til the factories blot the sun out
You gonna have to turn your lights on just to see
And them lights are gonna be neon, sayin'
"Fly Our Jets To Paradise"
And the whole damn world is gonna be made of styrene
[Chorus]
So listen well, my brothers
When you hear the night wind sigh
And you see the wild goose flying
Through the gray, polluted sky
There won't be no country music
There won't be no rock 'n' roll
'Cause when they take away our country
They'll take away our soul
Yeah, it's only gonna be about a second, boy
'Til they take away all'a this country
And they'll tell you not to listen to this here song
And that far-off sound of freedom's
Gonna be an echo from the past
And the final tune is gonna be sad and long
And it's only gonna be about an eye-blink, boy
'Til they pull out the wool to blind us
So we just can't read all the messages on the wall
But the only words that matter
Oughta be scribbled all over them billboards
In big old black and bloody letters, ten feet tall
[Chorus]
THERE WON'T BE NO COUNTRY MUSIC
THERE WON'T BE NO ROCK 'N' ROLL
'CAUSE WHEN THEY TAKE AWAY OUR COUNTRY
THEY'LL TAKE AWAY OUR SOUL
There won't be no country music
There won't be no rock 'n' roll
'Cause when they take away our country
They'll take away our soul
There won't be no country music
There won't be no rock 'n' roll
'Cause when they take away our country
They'll take away our soul
There won't be no country music
There won't be no rock 'n' roll
'Cause when they take away our country
They'll take away our soul
'Cause when they take away our country
They'll take away our soul
Happy Birthday, CW. And Thank You!
Rock Hudson would be 82. Born Roy Harold Scherer, Jr., he was a popular American film and television actor and a romantic leading man in the 1950s and 1960s. Hudson was voted Star of the Year, Favorite Leading Man, or any number of similar titles by numerous movie magazines and was unquestionably one of the most popular and well-known movie stars of the time.[citation needed] He completed nearly 70 motion pictures and starred in several television productions during a career that spanned over three decades. Hudson also was one of the first major Hollywood celebrities to die from an AIDS related illness.
Today we’ll pop in a CD of Macmillan & Wife, the lighthearted thriller series in which San Francisco Police Commissioner McRock and his lovely butt-insky wife, played for wackiness by husky-voiced Susan St. James, court danger, solve murders and spend a lot of time in the bedroom. From “Written On the Wind” to “Giant” to those delightful romantic films with Doris Day, Rock Hudson, for all his physique, was a versatile, dependable actor possessed of intelligence and comedic talent. Happy Birthday, Rock! And Thank You!
Secretary of State Kindasleazzy Rice is 53. She is said to be a very good pianist. No thanks.
Ira Levin (78) best-selling writer whose novels included the horror classic Rosemary's Baby, the Nazi thriller The Boys from Brazil, and the satirical fantasy The Stepford Wives, all turned into big-budget Hollywood film productions. Levin died of a heart attack in New York City on November 12, 2007.
Joe Nuxhall (79) youngest player in major league baseball history and later the beloved "old left-hander" on Cincinnati Reds radio broadcasts. Nuxhall's place in baseball lore was secured the moment he stepped onto a big-league field. With major league rosters depleted during World War II, he got a chance to pitch in relief for the Reds on June 10, 1944. No one else in modern baseball history has ever played in the majors at such a young age—15 years, 10 months, 11 days old. He got two outs against St. Louis. Nuxhall had surgery for prostate cancer in 1992, followed by a mild heart attack in 2001. The cancer returned in February. He called some games during the 2007 season even though his left leg was swollen by tumors. He died overnight in Cincinnati, Ohio on November 15, 2007. (A very funny afternoon DJ in Cincinnati, Rich King, dubbed the "Old Left Hander" - attectionately - "Hamilton Joe Nuthouse"...)
Ronnie (or Ronny) Burns (72) adopted son of comedians George Burns and Gracie Allen who played himself on his parents' TV show in the '50s. Born in Evanston, Illinois, Ronnie was adopted when he was 3 months old. He grew up among the elite of Hollywood and the privileged of Beverly Hills, but preferred a more low-key life. He quit acting in the early '60s and went into real estate investment, using money he had made from acting. He died of cancer in Pacific Palisades, California on November 14, 2007. (Ronnie had a brief turn as a teen heart throb singer (one-hit) in the late '50s.)
"As God is my witness, I thought turkeys could fly!" [Arthur Carlson on “WKRP In Cincinnati"]
(FYI - I think only free range turkeys can fly. Isn’t that right? Never mind…)
"They are un-American. Thomas Paine, the most eloquent visionary of the American Revolution, speaks of this country in which a commoner can look at a king and say, 'Bugger off!' I've known this before, because my phone was tapped in the days when the keyword was 'Commie.' " [95-yr. old Pulitzer-prize winning journalist Studs Terkel, who was wiretapped in the 1950s, during the McCarthy era, speaking of the government spies and their telecom allies, then and now.]
“I keep hearing about the sophistication of faith, and how we arrogant atheists underestimate the measure of reason in modern religion, and then Sonny Perdue and his voters show up and expose themselves for the patent, credulous fools they are. Christians, you should be embarrassed. There's the face of your belief: a stupid old man begging an invisible cosmic muffin to grant him a wish, with a surrounding mob chanting their approval of their shared inanity."
"Please don't try to tell me how cultured and civilized and refined Christianity is. At its core, it's crude, ignorant comedy, promulgated by the most blindly deluded members of society." [Prof PZ Myers @ Pharyngula]
(Perdue’s dumb stunt is the sort of thing you might expect from a tribe of hunter-gathers about 50,000 years ago.)
"... Our only problem is that we aren’t martial enough, or vigorous enough, or loud enough, or angry enough. The only appropriate responses should involve some form of righteous fury, much butt-kicking, and the public firing and humiliation of some teachers, many school board members, and vast numbers of sleazy far-right politicians..."
[Biology Prof. PZ Myers @ Pharygula]
I would defend the liberty of consenting adult creationists to practice whatever intellectual perversions they like in the privacy of their own homes; but it is also necessary to protect the young and innocent.
[Arthur C. Clarke]
"Intelligent design doesn't have to attract significant support from actual researchers to be effective. All it has to do is create confusion, to make it seem as if there really is a controversy about the validity of evolutionary theory. That, together with the political muscle of the religious right, may be enough to start a process that ends with banishing Darwin from the classroom."
[Paul Krugman, Columnist - New York Times]
"Are we living according to a "Daily Show" script?! The 2004 U.S. presidential election was decided by voters who oppose the theory of evolution or await the Rapture or speak in “unknown tongues” or trust faith-healing or have a name for their angel or send money to television preachers or think Satan is a real spirit stalking America. Some people predict a clash of civilizations – which would be between the irrational theocracies of the Middle East and, uh, well . . . whatever!" [Rev. Art]
“John Wayne was then the Hollywood legend, and I was on screen with him. The guy is an angel. He saved my life back then when no other film maker wanted to know me.” - On The Undefeated (1969) [Rock Hudson]
Drinking too much is more of a goal than a problem.
[Greg Gutfeld, Host, “Red Eye”, 3 AM on the FAUX Noise Channel]
(Click on any image to ENLARGE it)
WELL HOWDY, REV’LERS!
I’m Rev. Art. Welcome to our crib in Metro Fairborn and THE STAND-UP! - Its like like home cooking without the trichinosis…
It’s Week II of the Writers’ Strike - but don’t worry - the voices in Da Rev’s head aren’t unionized!
PLEASE - join Da Rev & Da Pagan Baby in contributing to an all out effort to eradicate a horrific malady brought to our attention by Kev & Britney. I hope we can count on a check from everyone here this weekend for $500. or more for continuing research into “Great Wicked Arse & Ossuary Destruction”…
There’s a first time for ever’thin’ - there’s a LAST time for ever’thin’, too!
Thanx t' Tom's Lake Humor Co.
Thursday was “The Smoke-Out” - the day smokers are supposed to try to kick the habit. Take it from us non-smokers when we say kissing a smoker is like licking an ashtray.
And kissing a fat smoker is like licking a DEEP-FRIED ashtray!
Thanx t' Tom's Lake Humor Co.
When Cindy Sheehan was on a hunger-strike to protest the War - she refused all nourishment except Snausages and Beggin’ Strips.
I’ve decided to do my bit to protest the Iraq War. No, I’m not going on a hunger strike. It’s been DONE!
Nope, Da Rev’s takin’ a page from Greg Gutfeld’s book - the one with X-rated drawings and scribblings - and starting Thursday, Thanksgiving Day, on a “REVERSE-Hunger-Strike“!
Yup - I SWEAR that I will not stop eating until my demands for redeployment of the troops from combat zones in Iraq are met. For every hour I’m ignored, I’m gonna eat a plate of Applebee's baby-back ribs and wash it all down with a 22-ounce mug of Killians. There’s nothing more entertaining than watching someone eat until they burst. And if it's for a wonderful cause, all the better.
A hundred dead pigs in my belly - for PEACE, Brothers & Sisters!!
I think Michael Moore has been on a reverse-hunger-strike for 20 years or so…
Actually, with my strategy, I may look more like Michael Moore or }}}SHUDDER{{{ Rosie O’Donnell - than Bobby Sands - by the time the reverse-hunger-strike is over.
Following mis-hearing what he thought were shocking allegations that House Speaker Nancy Pelosi was fondled by the pirate Jean Lafitte - Senator Robert Byrd stood up in the Senate Friday and suggested we use the new fangled Ironclads to defeat the Barbary pirates off the coast of Africa. He added that it was only a matter of time before the evil Ottoman Empire was defeated.
He then called on President Millard Fillmore to resign. Thanx t' Greg
ON NOV 13,1990 - the World Wide Web began. Back then the World Wide Web was very slow. It could take as long as three days to download a nude photo of Pamela Anderson. Although most users felt it was worth the wait. Thanx t' Tom's Lake Humor Co.
Have you heard that country music CD that pays tribute to serial pederast-murderer John Wayne Gacy - "I've Got Friends in Crawl Spaces?"
In Gulf Breeze, Florida: Residents are worried because large birds of prey are swooping down and attacking small dogs. Some tiny dogs have been grabbed and taken up, up, up and away. Well hey, there's a very easy answer to this problem: Get bigger dogs! Thanx t' Tom's Lake Humor Co.
The other day Da Pagan Baby and I were watchin’ “Bambi” with our granddaughter. When Bambi’s mum got blown away, she shouted, “I’ll bet Vice President Stupid Head killed her!”
TRIVIA (Thanx t‘ Marty)
What famous American was the first person to fly an airplane in Australia? Hint: 1910.
(Answer @ end of THE STAND-UP!)
A: Harry Houdini
B: Charles Lindbergh
C: Wiley Post
D: Joseph Pujol
HINDU “BITCH HITCH”. AND THEY CALL IT “PUPPY LOVE”…
Have you heard about this? Some poor schlub in India married a dog in a Hindu ceremony - to help erase a curse he thinks was placed on him after he stoned two dogs to death. After performing his horrible act of animal cruelty, Mr. Selvakumar experienced paralysis in his legs and became partially deaf. An astrologer told him the only way to remove the curse would be to “Marry the bitch."
If anyone present has reason why this strange couple should not be united in Holy Muttrimony - let them step forward and speak now - or go out back and howl at the moon!
Have they consumated this union yet? Do they do it “human style”? Is there video? Thanx t' Greg
This guy sounds so stupid - she prob’ly has to show him how/where to bury the bone…
Their offspring could be a real son of a bitch…
It goes without saying - this guy will be dogged ‘til the end of his days.
This is SUCH a heart-worming story…
I-I-I gotta go now. If anyone needs me I’ll be in my Lab.
I’LL BE IN MY LAB!!
TRIVIA ANSWER:
A: HARRY HOUDINI
B: Charles Lindbergh (In 1910 he was 8.)
C: Wiley Post (In 1910 He was 12)
D: Joseph Pujol (Non-American; he was a French street entertainer - a world famous farter - seriously!)
The view from the back of the Goverment delivery truck, handing out free goat cheese in Dearborn:
Jake Novak's Humor Blog
Money Market Fears
A new report says usually rock-solid money market funds are no longer safe for investors... which would frighten most Americans if they weren't already spending all their money on gas anyway.
Trade Deficit
The weaker dollar is reportedly hurting the Canadian marijuana industry. The good news is that one dollar bills are now cheaper than rolling paper.
Foreign Students
A new report shows that the U.S. is seeing the first increases in foreign students since 2001. The dollar is so weak, it is now cheaper for Europeans to go to Harvard than to sign up for an Internet correspondence course.
Walmart Earnings
Walmart reported an 8% gain in earnings this week... most of the profits coming from foreclosed Americans now forced to live in their cars in parking lots at Walmart.
Comedian Argus Hamilton
Mitt Romney kidded a New Hampshire couple about the huge leaves on their tree, saying those leaves would have made Adam and Eve look less promiscuous. Now that's conservative. Adam and Eve were the only people on Earth at the time and Mitt Romney thinks they were promiscuous.
President Bush declared in a speech that America's enemies are planning another more deadly strike. The voters are split on the issue. Half the country wants to die from a terror attack and the other half wants to drown in a rising ocean.
President Bush vetoed a health and education funding bill Tuesday. The bill had no chance. The only way American cities are going to get any federal money for health and education is if they change their name to Baghdad and take the hit on property values.
Russian President Vladimir Putin said Tuesday if his party wins big in the next election, it will give him the moral right to stay in power. He's muzzled the media and taken over the oil industry and runs a security state. Vladimir Putin is a lot like Dick Cheney, except he was taught to shoot by the KGB, so if he hits a lawyer it won't be by accident.
The White House praised Pakistan as an ally in the War on Terror even though al-Qaeda is hiding there. The idea that we can't find Osama bin Laden is ridiculous. Jessica Alba can't sunbathe nude in her backyard because Google Earth knows where she lives and the NSA can't see the catering truck pull up to Osama's cave every day at lunch time?
Georgia’s Idiot-Governor Sonny Perdue asked lawmakers and ministers to join him at the state Capitol Tuesday to pray for rain. They weren't his first choice. He called them only after the Cherokees refused to come back home from eastern Oklahoma for one dance.
White House official Donald Kerr said Americans have to change their definition of privacy. He said privacy can no longer mean anonymity. Not many people know, he said, that James Madison said the Constitution is null and void in the event that two buildings go down.
Mitt Romney told voters his advisors don't think he should give a speech explaining his Mormon faith. All hell could break loose. Mormons are taught that God arrived on Earth from another planet in alien form and the last thing Mitt Romney needs is controversy over whether God should be allowed a driver's license in America.
Mitt Romney passed religious muster at ultra-conservative Bob Jones University in South Carolina last week. It's a different world there. At Bob Jones University they teach students that sex is a shameful and filthy act and you must save it for the one you love.
Mitt Romney answered questions about Mormonism at Bob Jones University in South Carolina last week. It's an ultra-conservative school. He received their endorsement after he placed his hand on top of a stack of Bibles and swore that he's not Catholic.
Pat Robertson stunned evangelicals by backing Rudy Giuliani. They make a nice couple. While they remain unalterably opposed to each other on religious and moral and political beliefs, they do agree on the need to bomb Iran and torture people.
More Jake
Dollar's Dollars
Atlanta minister Creflo Dollar has reported $69 million in income for 2006. It's amazing how much money Evangelists can make when they don't blow it all fighting gay marriage.
Creflo Dollar’s collection plate at his church is actually a Brinks truck.
More Argus
OJ Trial
O.J. Simpson will stand trial for his Las Vegas hotel room break-in. But the trial date is being delayed to accommodate the striking late-night comedy writers.
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OH, YUM - HEIDI KLUM!
If hotness were a taco - I’d smear salsa into her meat with my fingers - and…
During a quarrel with his parents, little Leroy cried, "I want excitement, adventure, money, and beautiful women. I'll never find it here at home, so I'm leaving. Don't try and stop me!"
With that, he headed toward the door. His father rose and followed close behind.
"Didn't you hear what I said? I don't want you to try and stop me."
"Who's trying to stop you?" replied his father. "If you wait a minute, I'll go with you."
HUNKS FOR THE LADIESIT'S DAG! (As in Hammergold)
A man was brought to Mercy Hospital, and went in for heart surgery. The operation went well, and as the groggy man regained consciousness, he was reassured by a Sister of Mercy waiting by his bed.
"Mr. Napoli, you're going to be just fine," the nun said while patting his hand. "We do have to know, however, how you intend to pay for your stay here. Are you covered by insurance?"
"No, I'm not," the man whispered hoarsely.
"Can you pay in cash?"
"I'm afraid I can't, Sister."
"Do you have any close relatives, then?"
"Just my sister in Chicago," replied the man, "but she's a spinster and a nun."
"Nuns are not spinsters, Mr. Napoli ," the nun replied. "They are married to God."
"Okay, great" the man said with a smile, "then send the bill to my brother-in-law."
KELLY RIPA - She’s SO cute! If cuteness were a pogo stick - I’d bounce up and down on her all day and night!
While a friend and I were visiting the Naval Academy in Annapolis, we noticed several first year students on their hands and knees assessing the brick courtyard with pencils and clipboards in hand. "What are they doing?" I asked our tour guide.
"Each year," he replied with a grin, "the upperclassmen ask the freshmen how many bricks it took to finish paving this courtyard."
"So what's the answer?" my friend asked him when we were out of earshot of the freshmen.
The guide replied, "One."
An airliner is coming into land at an airport obscured by fog. Visibility is practically nil, the ILS system is on the blink, so the pilot has to land on wits alone. "Flaps, check," he says to the co-pilot, "Landing Gear, check. Altitude, check. Right, we're going in. Hold on."
The plane lands and comes to a screeching, grinding halt; just short of the edge of the runway. "Holy Cow!" exclaims the pilot, "This must be the shortest runway I've ever landed on!"
The co-pilot looks left and right and says "Yeah, and about the widest, too..."
DJ JACKI JACK FINNAN
If her beauty were a roasted turkey, I'd take a breast and a thigh.
FROM THE LAST CHANCE GARAGE...
Good fortune. COMMENT! Please spread the meme. Don’t smoke in bed…
And once again - THANK YOU!