November 10, 2007
NOVEMBER 11 IS VETERAN’S DAY (Celebrated Monday)
Is THIS how we say Thank You for your service?!
1 out of 4 homeless are veterans
We chew them up, we spit them out
Excerpt:
Veterans make up one in four homeless people, though they are only 11 percent of the population.
And homelessness is not just a problem among middle-age and elderly veterans. Younger veterans from Iraq and Afghanistan are trickling into shelters and soup kitchens seeking services, treatment or help with finding a job.
The Veterans Affairs Department has identified 1,500 homeless veterans from the current wars and says 400 of them have participated in its programs specifically targeting homelessness.
It's estimated that 194,254 homeless people out of 744,313 on any given night were veterans. 20 years ago, the estimated number of veterans who were homeless on any given night was 250,000.
Bush sent over a million soliders into that mind-fucking meat grinder. And now that they need help, Bush has said "Fuck 'em" and pushed for a another round of tax cuts for the super-rich and the oil companies.
But let's not impeach the murderous bastards.
Let's save impeachment for something serious, like a blow job!
Thanx t' BartCop
Oh - don’t forget - The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches while slashing veterans' benefits and combat pay.
NEW YORK (AP) — Democrat Hillary Rodham Clinton has won the endorsement of Ohio Democratic Gov. Ted Strickland, a potentially crucial swing state ally if the New York senator becomes her party's presidential nominee. Strickland currently enjoys approval for his job performance by 2/3 of Ohio residents quizzed.
She is Hillary's appointment secretary - a very powerful position.
They say the scumbag right will hint that she's Hillary's 'special friend.'
(Maybe she really DOES channel Rleanor Roosevelt!)
(Bill never scored such a
babe!)
Whoopi Goldberg (52) (RN: Caryn Elaine Johnson) an American actress, comedian, radio presenter, host, and author. Goldberg is one of only ten individuals who have won an Emmy, a Grammy, an Oscar, and a Tony Award... She is the second African American female performer to win an Academy Award for acting (the first being Hattie McDaniel). She has won two Golden Globe Awards. On the August 1, 2007 broadcast of The View, Barbara Walters introduced Goldberg as the show's new moderator as of September 4. Wikipedia
Jo Stafford (90) is an American pop singer whose career spanned the late 1930s through the early 1960s. She was a member of the Pied Pipers vocal group in 1943 when it became one of the first groups signed to Johnny Mercer's new label, Capitol Records. Capitol's music director was Paul Weston who had earlier been instrumental in introducing Stafford & The Pied Pipers to Tommy Dorsey. Weston and Stafford married in 1952.
Stafford is greatly admired for the purity of her voice and is considered one of the most versatile vocalists of the era. She is also viewed as a pioneer of modern musical parody, having won a Grammy Award for Best Comedy Album in 1961 (with husband Paul Weston) for their album Jonathan and Darlene Edwards in Paris. Wikipedia
Hank Thompson (82) country singer and bandleader and member of the Country Music Hall of Fame who mixed honky-tonk and Western swing on such hits as "A Six-Pack to Go" and "The Wild Side of Life." Thompson churned out a string of top-10 country hits during a decades-long career. Henry "Hank" William Thompson was a country music entertainer whose career spanned seven decades. He sold over 60 million records worldwide. The first record for the WWII Navy vet was “Whoa, Sailor” in 1946. 1952 brought his first #1 disc, "The Wild Side of Life", which contained the memorable line "I didn't know God made honky-tonk angels" (which inspired the Kitty Wells answer song, "It Wasn't God Who Made Honky Tonk Angels"). Other hits followed in quick succession in the 1950s and 1960s.
Thompson's musical style, characterized as Honky Tonk Swing, was a mixture of fiddles, steel guitar and his own proficient electric guitar work that featured his distinctive, gravelly baritone vocals. His backing band, The Brazos Valley Boys, was voted the #1 Country Western Band for 14 years in a row by Billboard Magazine. He died of lung cancer just days after canceling a tour and announcing his retirement, in the Fort Worth suburb of Keller, Texas on November 6, 2007. He requested that no funeral be held.
Norman Mailer (84), the macho prince (or egotistical buffoon) of American letters who for decades reigned as the country's literary conscience and provocateur, died of renal failure early Saturday, his literary executor said. He was 84. Mailer died at Mount Sinai Hospital…
From his classic debut novel, "The Naked and the Dead" (1948) to such masterworks of literary journalism as "The Armies of the Night," the two-time Pulitzer Prize winner always got credit for insight, passion and originality. Some of Mailer's works were highly praised, some panned, but none was pronounced the Great American Novel that seemed to be his life quest from the time he soared to the top as a brash 25-year-old "enfant terrible." [AP]
Mailer had famous feuds with fellow authors - Capote, Vidal, Styron - and was arrested for beating one of his SIX wives. He’s best understood as a cultural commentator.
Da Rev never placed Mailer in the same rank as Hemingway - who DID write the “Great American Novel”, and maybe a couple more. Hemingway’s novels lent themselves to movie treatments that also rank near the top. I went to see a movie based on a Mailer novel, “The Naked and The Quick”. While it was most satisfying - unforgettable, really - I failed to recognize any significant underlying literary influence...smirk...
"I have chosen not to put the country through another agonizing Supreme Court battle. It is time for the nation to heal."
[Stephen Colbert, announcing the end of his presidential campaign after Obama ordered South Carolina Democrats to keep him off the primary ballot (according to CNN)]
“Why is Obama afraid of Colbert? Is he afraid of coming in THIRD?!” [BartCop]
"Failure is simply not an option."
[Kindasleazzy Rice on the upcoming US-sponsored Israeli-Palestinian negotiations]
DUBYA
"The new Pakistani general, he's just been elected - not elected, this guy took over office. It appears this guy is going to bring stability to the country, and I think that's good news for the subcontinent."
[Dubya, in the fall of 1999, as he campaigned for the presidency, asked by a reporter to name the leader of Pakistan, (he couldn't)]
"I'm puzzled by all the neoconservative bloviating and war-whooping about Iran and the near deathly silence about the deteriorating situation in Pakistan. I mean, we have actual terrorist training camps in Waziristan that are just sitting there, ripe targets for the sort of quick special forces strikes that the Turks are laying on the PKK in Northern Kurdistan (with our not-so-tacit approval). But I haven't read much in the Weekly Standard about the need to act against Al-Qaeda-Not-in-Iraq. Bill K, N-Pod, you remember Osama, right? What gives?"
[Joe Klein, asking questions neocon Bill Kristol (R-Apocalypse) can't answer]
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WELL HOWDY, REV’LERS!
I’m Rev. Art. Welcome to our crib in Metro Fairborn and THE STAND-UP! - Its like The Daily Show - except our writers are not on strike!
THE STANDUP! starts as soon as I change out of these chaps. They're WORK clothes, People!
Today is only yesterday's tomorrow...
DOUBLE ENTENDRE ALERT!!
PLEASE - join Da Rev & Da Pagan Baby in contributing to an all out effort to eradicate a horrific malady brought to our attention by Geraldine Ferraro. I hope we can count on a check from everyone here this weekend for $500. or more for continuing research into “Warping Scalp”!
I always wondered what excuse did Adam give to his children as to why they could not live in Eden.
How about - "Your mother ate us out of house and home!"
Warren Jeffs - that guy from the OTHER Mormon cult, the one that’s NOT the cult Mitt Romney is in - tried to hang himself in his cell the other day. Jeffs was convicted of arranging the marriage of a 14-year-old honey to her 19-year-old cousin - also, for clearly trying to bogart all the sweet, fresh poontang in northern Arizona.
The wedding between the 14-year-old and the 19-year-old cousin… Hmmm, so how do they decide who sits on the groom’s side or the bride’s side of the church? I know - have a big round table. Seat everyone according to genetic defect… [The Daily Gut]
Hey, what's the difference between Michael Vick and Duane Chapman? One's a black guy who hates dogs, and the others a Dog who hates blacks. …GUFFAW!!…
Looking out over this crowd - I see two Republicans. Leave them alone. Remember - they have their "CORE VALUES":
For example, providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy. Providing health care to all Americans is socialism.
HMOs and insurance companies have the best interests of the public at heart.
Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools.
Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary Clinton.
And, of course, if condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't have sex!
I figured out Ginger Baker has something in common with my wife‘s coffee.
Yeah - they both suck without Cream.
I AM the Master of Second Thoughts!
My therapist says I’m in denial - AS IF THAT could ever happen - again?!
Moni, a 17-year-old orangutan, carries her four-day-old baby at Gembira Loka zoo in Yogyakarta, Indonesia, Thursday, Nov. 8, 2007. Indonesia's tropical rain forests are disappearing 30 percent faster than previously estimated as illegal loggers raid large national parks, threatening the long-term survival of orangutans, according to a U.N. report released this year.
[Photo by Slamet Riyadi]
Gerry has married a Swiss Army Wife.
Say what?!
She has a screwdriver in one hand, a knife in the other, a pair of scissors between the toes on her left foot, and a corkscrew between the toes on her right foot…
Gerry’s a CPA. I asked him, “How many accountants does it take to screw in a light bulb?”
Gerry replied, “What kind of answer did you have in mind?”
TRIVIA! Each answer is either 75 or 150:
1. Which north-south highway runs from Michigan to Florida?
2. According to Robert Paterson's Radio Weblog, our brains are hard wired to pay attention to how many people?
3. How many years ago was the planet Pluto discovered?
4.Which Psalm exhorts believers to praise God with loud crashing cymbals?
5. Which year was the Hépíng era of China's Han Dynasty?
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The Answers, My Darlings:
1: 75, 2: 150, 3: 75, 4: 150, 5: 150
BartCop Entertainment
I-I-I
Thanx t' Toms Lake Humor Co.
DOLLAR DIVES
The U.S. dollar is at an all-time low against the British pound, the Canadian dollar, and the Japanese yen. It's also not doing too great against gasoline, groceries, and utilities.
How weak is the U.S. dollar? Some stores are demanding ID when you pay with cash.
Jake Novak's Humor Blog
Paul's Haul
Presidential candidate Ron Paul hauled in more than $4.2 million in donations in one day. But this may not have any real effect on the Republican primaries because most of the donations came from libertarians, anti-war Democrats, and Martians.
Comedian Argus Hamilton
President Bush called Pervez Musharraf Wednesday in an attempt to cool him off a bit. He urged the general to take off his uniform. The general not only refused to take off his uniform, he charged President Bush three dollars a minute for the call.
Kindasleazzy Rice denounced General Pervez Musharraf for his crackdown in Pakistan. The same day, President Bush defended Musharraf as a strong fighter against radicals. This was enough to convince the tabloids he and the Secretary of State are no longer seeing each other.
USA Today quoted evangelicals who said Hillary Clinton's Methodism isn't Christian enough. The contempt is mutual. Whenever a Methodist sees evangelicals praying with their arms in the air they think Jesus must have just scored a touchdown.
Thanx t' Toms Lake Humor Co.
HOSPITAL
A study shows 80% of U.S. hospital bills contain errors. No kidding. You should see what they tried charging me for my hysterectomy.
BRITNEY BUCKS
Court papers released last week reveal Britney Spears has a monthly income of $737,000. She spends $16,000 per month on clothes. 16 thousand dollars on clothes - with what - maybe 5 buck$ for panties?
JESSICA
Jessica Alba says she will never take off her clothes for a movie. Jessica, Jessica, honey - you don't have to take off your clothes. Hollywood studios have people who will do that for you. Jessica - give me a call…
MORE Jake
Conan Stalker Arrested
A priest has been arrested on charges of stalking late-night talk show host Conan O'Brien. But Conan is expected to refuse to press charges if it turns out the priest can write and isn't in the union.
Ship in Trouble
Rescue crews are scrambling to rescue a cruise ship off the coast of Virginia. Dozens of passengers reportedly became violently ill after seeing the on-board production of "Brigadoon."
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SINGER - RIHANNA
If beauty were an igloo, I'd come inside her to get warm.
A man walks into a bar
A man walks into a bar {{{CLANG!!}}}and says, "Who the bloody hell put that there?"
HUNKS FOR THE LADIES
A blind man with a seeing eye dog walks into a bar. The blind man picks up the dog and starts swinging it around. The bartender asks, "What are you doing?"
The man replies, "Just lookin’ around."
A neutron walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a beer. The beer is poured, and the neutron asks how much it owes.
"For you," the bartender answers, "no charge."
A penguin walks into a bar and says to to the barman "Have you seen my brother?"
...and the barman replies "Uhhh, what does he look like?"
A woman went into a bar and asked for a double entendre.
So the landlord gave her one.
What do you call an abortion in Prague?
A cancelled Czech.
Adam and Eve were wandering through the Garden of Eden one day when God looked down and said, "Okay, kids, I only have a couple of things left here in my bag of goodies. Who wants the ability to urinate standing up?"
To which Eve immediately replied, "I do, God, may I have it?"
So God granted her the ability, but Eve saw a look of such utter despair on Adam's face that meant he wanted the ability, that her generous spirit was moved and she said to God, "He may have it if he wants it so much."
So, God gave the ability to Adam instead, and he was so happy that he immediately ran behind a bush and urinated standing up.
When he came back, Eve looked at God and said, "Well, do you have anything left for me?"
And God looked back in the bag. Looking back at Eve he said, "....All I have left is multiple orgasms."
F is for Fucking. Forbidden Use of Carnal Knowledge.
You can Fuck, be Fucked, get Fucked and Fuck up.
Something can be Fucking great or Fucking miserable. Example: She was a great Fuck! It was Fucking wonderful till I Fucked it up by getting Fucking married. Boy, was I Fucked then.
F also stands for foreplay. Get in a 69 position and let her suck on your dick. This gives you an opportunity to examine her vagina and amuse yourself or see if you need an excuse to nibble on her fingers. See Vagina*...
V is for Vagina*. "Nothing could be finer than to be in a vagina in the mor-or-ning..."
Every girl's got one. The criterion for judging the beauty of the female genitalia is rather low. A small, high placed clitoris has less inner labia and thus, isn't as nasty looking and has less area for bacteria and potential yeast infection. The down side is that it doesn't get much stimulation during inter course so she may attempt to use her finger on it. If she has a nail on that finger, chew it off during *foreplay.
The labia often has lots of extra skin and is fun to pull and make "funny faces" with.
ACTRESS CARLA GUGINO
If gorgeousness were cookies, I'd dunk her in milk and make her wet.
FROM THE LAST CHANCE GARAGE...
Good fortune. COMMENT! Please spread the meme. Don’t smoke in bed…