"Possession is 9/10 of the problem." [John Lennon, who was murdered, December 8, 1980]
VIDEO: WHO IS HILLARY CLINTON?
GENNIFER FLOWERS
Bill Clinton's former mistress has endorsed Hillary for president!
Oooohh, Mah Soul!
It’s the Big Seven-Five for THE QUEEN OF ROCK ‘N’ ROLL
Richard Wayne Penniman (75) better known by the stage name Little Richard, is a celebrated African-American singer, songwriter and pianist, who began performing in the 1940s and who was a key figure in the transition from rhythm & blues to rock and roll in the mid-1950s.
Penniman's reputation rests on a string of groundbreaking hit singles from 1955 through 1957, such as "Tutti Frutti" and "Long Tall Sally", which helped lay the foundation for rock and roll music, influencing generations of rhythm and blues, rock and soul music artists. Little Richard's early work was a mix of boogie-woogie, rhythm and blues and gospel music, but with a heavily accentuated back-beat, funky saxophone grooves and raspy shouted vocals, moans, screams, and other emotive inflections that marked a new kind of music. MORE @ Wikipedia
Eli Herschel Wallach (92) is an American film, TV and stage actor. He was born in Brooklyn, New York. Wallach made his Broadway debut in 1945 and won a Tony Award in 1951 for his performance in the Tennessee Williams play The Rose Tattoo. Additional theater credits include Mister Roberts, The Teahouse of the August Moon, Camino Real, Major Barbara, Luv, and Staircase, co-starring Milo O'Shea, which depicted an aging homosexual couple in a serious way.
Wallach's film debut was in Elia Kazan's controversial Baby Doll and he went on to have a prolific career in films, although rarely in a starring role. Other early films include The Misfits, The Magnificent Seven and as Tuco (the 'Ugly') in Sergio Leone's The Good, the Bad and the Ugly. In 2006, Wallach made a guest appearance on the NBC show Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip, playing a former writer who was blacklisted in the 1950s. His character was a writer on "The Philco Comedy Hour", a comedy show that aired on the fictional NBS network. This is a reference to The Philco Television Playhouse, several episodes of which Wallach actually appeared on in 1955. Wallach earned a 2007 Emmy nomination for his work on the show.
Wallach has been married to acclaimed stage actress Anne Jackson (81) since 1948, and they have three children. Eli Wallach emphatically states that he did not convert to Roman Catholicism (the religion of his wife & kids) and remains Jewish! Wikipedia
Kimila Ann “Kim” Basinger (54) is an Academy Award-winning American film actress and former fashion model. In 1976, after a five-year stint as a cover girl, Basinger decided to put her modeling career on hold and move to Los Angeles to begin a career in acting. After appearing in small parts on a few TV shows such as "McMillan & Wife" and "Charlie's Angels", her first star turn was a made-for-TV movie, "Katie: Portrait of a Centerfold"
(1978). She was a James Bond girl in Never Say Never Again (1983), where she starred opposite Sean Connery. 
She did a famous pictorial for Playboy magazine in 1983, which Basinger has said led to good opportunities, such as Barry Levinson's The Natural (1984) co-starring Robert Redford, for which she earned a Golden Globe nomination as Best Supporting Actress. Another important Academy Award winning writer-director Robert Benton cast her in the title role for the film Nadine (1987). Other famous directors repeated her in their films, such as Blake Edwards for The Man Who Loved Women (1983) and Blind Date (1987)) and Robert Altman for Fool for Love (1985) and Prêt-à-Porter (1994). Her most prominent appearances include 9½ Weeks (1986), Batman (1989) and Curtis Hanson's L.A. Confidential (1997) for which she received an Oscar for Best Supporting Actress, as well as the Golden Globe and Screen Actor's Guild Award. Hanson would cast her once more as Eminem's mother in the hit film 8 Mile (2002). She holds the distinction of being the only actress who has both posed nude in Playboy magazine and won an Academy Award. She’s notoriously divorced from actor Alec Baldwin. Wikipedia 
If Beauty were a Holiday Tree, I would erect Ms. Basinger unadorned. I would mount her on public property...
Katy French (24) Irish model who worked for the Assets Modeling Agency, where she represented Sony and Suzuki and made numerous TV appearances, including on RTE's Celebrities Go Wild, The Podge & Rodge Show, and more recently on Tubridy Tonight. 
Katy French collapsed on December 2 and died unexpectedly four days later at a hospital in Navan, Meath, Ireland on December 6, 2007. Life In Legacy
"In light of the extraordinary funds already being given for AIDS research, it does not seem that additional federal spending can be justified. An alternative would be to request that multimillionaire celebrities, such as Elizabeth Taylor, Madonna and others who are pushing for more AIDS funding be encouraged to give out of their own personal treasuries increased amounts for AIDS research." [Compassionate Conservative Mike Huckabuck]
"I feel homosexuality is an aberrant, unnatural, and sinful lifestyle…"
[Huckabuck, again…]
"I mean, talk about a direct IV into the vein of your support. It’s a very efficient way to communicate. They regurgitate exactly and put up on their blogs what you said to them. It is something that we’ve cultivated and have really tried to put quite a bit of focus on."
[White House spokeswhore Dan Bartlett, bragging about right-wing bloggers]
“I don’t believe in anything unless I can eat it, drink it, drive it, fuck it or discern evidence for it.” [Rev. Art]
"If I canzt eatz it or screwz it, then piss on it." [Macho 1, our late Black Lab; Macho 2 was amiable, but never said anything quotable]
"I'm definitely not ready to get married. I think a reason that people in this business get married young is that they feel like everything comes to them sooner in life. It's normal to be like 'Okay, what's next?'" [Hilary Duff]
When confronted by some little would-be (younger) usurper at a doorway:
"You first Miss Parker. 'Age before beauty, you know.'"
"Thank you, yes, and 'pearls before swine'" [Writer, Wit, Cynic, Dorothy Parker]
(Click on any image to ENLARGE it)
WELL HOWDY, REV’LERS!
I’m Rev. Art. Welcome to our crib in Metro Fairborn and THE STAND-UP! - Its like Family Circus, except Jeffy put a cap in Dolly's ass.
PLEASE - join Da Rev & Da Pagan Baby in contributing to an all out effort to eradicate a horrific malady brought to our attention by Nick & Nora. I hope we can count on a check from everyone here this weekend for $500. or more for continuing research into “Ape's Ghost Vomit”…
“Shecky” follows the Trivia Question…
Every year each of us commemorates Pearl Harbor Day in his or her own way. I’ll always remember my friend Rufus Hayakawa - he was half black, half Japanese. Every December 7 he would attack Pearl Bailey!
Thank a WWII veteran for their service to our country. HURRY! 
Arnaud Meunier du Houssoy, of Paris, and great-great-great grandson of French Lt. Gen. Marquis de Lafayette, displays an emerald and gold medal, in Boston, Thursday, Nov. 29, 2007, commissioned by George Washington and presented to Lafayette in 1824. The medal, known as the medal of the Society of the Cincinnati, and currently in Houssoy's possession, will be put up for auction next week.
[Photo by Steven Senne] (Da Rev's Great-Great-Great-Great Grandfather was an attache to the Marquis de Lafayette; he was present when Cornwallis surrendered to Washington & Lafayette.)
According to an infectious disease expert: If you wash your hands frequently you will reduce your chance of catching a cold by 50%. That drops to 25% if you wash only one hand. www.tomslake.com
(Click to ENLARGE)
A parenting expert says if you take your child to a crowded mall, tell them if they get lost they should ask for help in a store. When I was a kid I got lost at the big Lazarus Department Store in downtown Columbus. A floorwalker was trying to find my mom. I said "When will we find her?"
He said -- "I don't know. I think she's hiding from you". www.tomslake.com
A researcher calculated if Santa Claus visits every home on Earth he can only be at each stop 34 microseconds - that's 34 one-millionths of a second. The same researcher figured out Rudolph needs only 23 microseconds to leave souvenir reindeer poop on your roof. www.tomslake.com
I saw where The New York Daily News released its list of the 50 Dumbest People In Hollywood. Actor Tom Sizemore was #50. Cheeses! Wouldn’t that be a kick in the cajones - a list of celebtards and you come in dead last?!?
TRIVIA
Who said, "If you can't say something good about someone, sit right here by me?"
A: Alice Roosevelt Longworth
B: Oscar Wilde
C: Noel Coward
D: Dorothy Parker
The Trivia Answer follows Shecky's STAND-UP...
Thanx t' BartCop.com
We’re proud and happy to bring “Shecky” all the way from the lower East Side of New York City to THE STAND-UP. Heeeeere’s SHECKY!
Thank you, Rev. Art. I appreciate the ride from the airport in your pick-up truck. This was my first experience listening to Bluegrass Music. I hope those people have their own homeland!
Ladies and Genitals! L’Chayim!
Thanx t' Bang It Out!
On the way over here I called all of Da Rev’s Jewish friends - all seven - and conducted a little survey: Vot is YOUR Favorite Part of Chanukah?
Donuts: 10%
Giving Idiotic Gifts: 15%
Latkas! Latkas! Latkas! 35%
Lighting up your Ghetto Menorah: 35%
Spin the Dreidle: 5%
Chanukah is a minor holiday with the same theme as most Jewish holidays. They tried to kill us, we survived, so let's eat.
It’s the Festival of Lattes at your local Starbucks -
Featuring Holiday Cds with music from Matisyahu…
Hanna and her Seven Sons…
and Dr. Dre-del!
New flavors include: Latke Latte, Caramel Macchi-oil, Apple Sauce Frap w/ Whipped SourCream
They renamed the size scheme to: Nais Gadol Haya Sham (still don't know which is vente)
That Mermaid Woman in Starbucks Logo: Yehudis
Yummm a New Greek/Syrian Blend
And - Double Cholocate mocha - Your Gelty Pleasure
Try the Iced Decaf Double Pumped Dolce Donut Sufganioccino (most popular drink)
All the Coffee is made now with 100% Macca-beans
<= A Melmenorah...
As a popular entertainer, I get called to a lot of funerals. Believe me, I’ve said and heard it all when it comes to strange things said in eulogies…
Like - Boruch sheptorani…
He was always late to carpool
He grew up non-religious in Borough Park at a time when it was almost impossible to find treife food
It is my pleasure to bid him farewell
I was counting on his vote for my contract renewal
Compared to him, the rest of the congregation is tolerable
He never looked so good
His ex-wife asked me to send regards
Since he passed, I haven’t said Mechayeh Mesim like I mean it
President Bush calls in the head of the CIA and asks, " How come the
Jews know everything before we do?"
The CIA chief says, "The Jews have this expression: ' Vus titzuch?'
The President says, "What does that mean?"
"Well, Mr. President", replies the CIA chief, "it's a Yiddish expression which roughly translates to 'what's happening' . They just ask each other and they know everything."
The President decides to personally go undercover to determine if this
is true. He gets dressed up as an Orthodox Jew (black hat, beard, long black coat ) and is secretly flown in an unmarked plane to New York ,
picked up in an unmarked car, and dropped off in Brooklyn's most Jewish
neighborhood.
Soon a little old man comes shuffling along. The President stops him and whispers, "Vus titzuch?"
The old guy whispers back: "Bush is in Brooklyn ."
I think I hear my mother calling me - all the way from the Lower East Side of New York! Remember - One mitzvah can change the world; two will just make you tired. 
Gut Yontiff!
Thank you, Shecky! Here’s the TRIVIA ANSWER:
A: Alice Roosevelt Longworth
And your VIDEO: On “The View” Sherri “The World Is Flat” Shepherd said “Nothing came before Jesus… Discussing whether Christians were around during Epicurus' time (Epicurus lived from 341-270 B.C.), Sherri Shepherd chimed in, "[The Greeks] had Christians 'cause they threw them to the lions." HILLARIOUS!
Sherri Shepherd video
We gotta go…
RANT, REV - RANT! (Somebody's going to put their foot down... and that foot is me!)
OH PLEASE! Do you really think we should have a president named "Mitt"? Such a dumb name for a POTUS! I know his real name is George, Jr. Isn’t there a rule that we can’t have successive presidents with the same first name? The country may not be able to withstand another George after the current Chimperor.
At least, invoke a rule against another George at this time - PLEASE!
Mitt Romney gave a passionate defense of his faith - the faith of his father, he noted. That would be the precursor to Scientology cult that condones slavery and banned black folks 'til 1978, right? Mitt's dad AND Mitt had to be OK with that, right? 
Joseph Smith was a "Father of Mormonism" and a murderous felon.
Mitt excluded 30 million unbelievers from full citizenship in his speech. He's a bigot against atheists in the tradition of Bush, Sr. He needs to get his head outta the Book of Mormon and into the Constitution. Article 6, no religious test...
He should have just said, “Damn the evangelical right for having sticks up their asses...but that's the evangelical right for you!
Mitt and the faith of his father… My dad taught me three things: The lord loves a workin’ man; don't trust whitey; and see a doctor and get rid of that. 
An Observation:
Huckabuck didn’t know what the NIE was, then didn’t know about the NIE report in the news. I knew he was an idiot when he said he believed Jesus and the dinosaurs walked the earth together… Did the dinos walk on water, too?
Jake Novak's Humor Blog
President Bush accidentally gave out the wrong phone number for the subprime mortgage helpline and instead announced a number that was actually for a Christian school in Texas. Unfortunately, most callers found out Jesus doesn't want to give them a loan either.
Teen Pregnancy
The birth rate among teenagers 15 to 19 in the United States rose 3% last year. Most of the pregnant couples met in those new White House-funded abstinence-only sex ed classes. 
A new economic report says Americans have improved their workplace productivity by a hefty 6.3%. This means we're working harder for the same money, which is kind of like dating your wife.
Comedian Argus Hamilton
Mike Huckabee wouldn't say Thursday if he agrees with Southern Baptist churches that believe women shouldn't serve as pastors as he did. His presidency would be historic. It would begin with the first inaugural ball where no one's allowed to dance. 
The CIA admitted on Thursday it destroyed videotapes of its agents interrogating terror suspects. It was recorded evidence of rule-breaking. The difference between the CIA and the New England Patriots is that the New England Patriots are undefeated.
www.tomslake.com
SPICE GIRLS
Tickets for a Spice Girls concerts are selling for $2,000. To be
fair - that's only $400 per Spice Girl. Or $200 per implant. 
AT THE MOVIES
"Enchanted" is still doing big business at the box office. It's
the story of fairytale pretend characters in New York City. The
pretend New York characters include:
***A helpful cop
***A polite cabdriver
***A clean, sober, non-threatening subway passenger
MORE Jake
New Love
Natalee Holloway's mom is now in a serious relationship with JonBenet Ramsey's father. It's just another success story for the Nancy Grace Dating Service!
Imus Returns
Don Imus returned to the radio Friday with two black comedians on his on-air team, but it will be hard for either of them to get as many laughs as Al Sharpton.
MORE Argus
Evel Knievel's funeral in Montana will begin Sunday night with a spectacular fireworks show. He was the greatest daredevil ever. The difference between Evel Knievel and President Bush is Evel Knievel gave a little thought about where he was going to land. 
Pat Robertson warned his followers Wednesday against doing yoga. He said by performing the stretches you're praying to the Hindu gods. Any preacher who's ever seen a woman in spandex doing the Downward Facing Dog knows it's the work of the devil. 
FOXY BROWN IS SO HOT!
If hotness were an M&M I'd suck on her ‘til she melted in my mouth.
A woman goes to the post office to buy stamps for her Chanukah cards. She says to the clerk, "May I have 50 Chanukah stamps?"
The clerk says, "What denomination?"
The woman says, "Oh my God. Has it come to this? Give me 6 Orthodox, 12 Conservative, and 32 Reform."
HUNKS FOR THE LADIES
As the plane settled down at Ben Gurion airport, the voice of the Captain came on:
"Please remain seated with your seatbelt fastened until this plane is at a complete standstill and the seat belt signs have been turned off."
"To those of you standing in the aisles, we wish you a Happy Chanukah."
"To those who have remained in their seats, we wish you a Merry Christmas." 
Top Ten Reasons to Like Chanukah.
10. No roof damage from reindeer.
9. Never a silent night when you're among Jewish loved ones.
8. If someone screws up on their gift, there are seven more days to correct it.
7. Betting Hanukkah gelt (the chocolate coins) on candle races.
6. You can use your fireplace.
5. Spin-the-dreidel games.
4. Fun waxy buildup on the menorah.
3. No awkward explanations of virgin birth.
2. Cheer optional.
1. No Irving Berlin songs. 
OWOooooo!! MARIEL HEMINGWAY IS SO BEAUTIFUL! If beauty were a field, I'd plow her first thing in the morning.
A spaceship lands in the middle of Texas. As the Martians start filing out, a big Texan walks up to the one who looks like the leader. He asks the Martian, "Y'all got them green eyes?"
The Martian answers back in a machine-like drone, "Yes, we all have green eyes."
The Texan again inquires, "and y'all go those antennay on yo' head?"
"Yes we all have antennae on our heads."
The Texan is still curious, as he looks at more of the Martians, he again asks the leader, "Y'all got them long black coats?"
To which the Martian says, "No, only the Hasidim." 
PORN QUEEN JENNA JAMESON (She's Retiring...)
Jesus was standing in for St Peter at the Pearly Gates when an old man shuffles up. Jesus goes through the standard entry procedures:
"Name?" says Jesus.
"Joseph," says the old man.
"Occupation?" asks Jesus.
"Carpenter," replied the old man.
"Family - Any children?" continues Jesus.
"I once had a son," answers the man.
"Describe him," says Jesus
"Well", said the old man, "he was a bit strange and childlike - Oh - and he had nails in his hands and feet."
Jesus looked closely at the old man who peered back at Jesus and asked: "Pinnochio?" 
In 1954 the Kaiser kaused a lotta komments!
Good fortune. COMMENT! Please spread the meme. Don’t smoke in bed…
