December 15 , 2ôô7
It's like the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show - but with a lot more prancing around.
The poll percentages are tightening. I'll support the nominee if it isn't Hillary. But the question remains - Can Obama deliver a punch? Can he beat the Republican nominee?
Sir Arthur Charles Clarke, CBE (90) is a British science-fiction author, inventor, and futurist, most famous for his novel 2001: A Space Odyssey, and for collaborating with director Stanley Kubrick on the film of the same name. Clarke is the last surviving member of what was sometimes known as the "Big Three" of science fiction, which included Robert A. Heinlein and Isaac Asimov.
Clarke has lived in Sri Lanka since 1956, immigrating there when it was still called Ceylon, first in Unawatuna on the south coast, and then in Colombo. Clarke holds citizenship of both the UK and Sri Lanka.He long has been an avid scuba diver and a member of the Underwater Explorers Club; living in Sri Lanka has afforded him the opportunity to visit the ocean year-round. It also inspired the locale for his novel The Fountains of Paradise, in which he first described a space elevator. This, he believes, ultimately will be his legacy, more so than geostationary satellites, once space elevators make space shuttles obsolete.
YES, THE SCANDAL WAS A PHONY.
In early 1998, Clarke was to be made a knight, with Prince Charles visiting Sri Lanka in order to make the investiture. Just before the ceremony, a British tabloid, The Sunday Mirror, claimed in a sensationalist story that Clarke was an avowed paedophile, giving supposed quotations from Clarke about the harmlessness of his predilection for boys. Clarke released a statement saying that "the accusations are such nonsense that I have found it difficult to treat them with the contempt that they deserve." He also said, "I categorically state that The Sunday Mirror's article is grossly defamatory and contains statements which in themselves and by innuendo are quite false, grossly inaccurate and extremely harmful." …answer to the newspaper's allegations, Clarke was investigated by Sri Lankan authorities, who eventually dismissed the accusations. The Sunday Mirror later printed a retraction and Clarke was made a Knight Bachelor on May 26, 2000, in a ceremony in Colombo. Wikipedia
(Arthur C. Clarke had no further formal education degrees after secondary school. He could not afford college and took a job.)
Francis Albert "Frank" Sinatra would be 92. 
Ike Turner (76) rock 'n' roll pioneer whose achievements as one of the founding fathers of the music were overshadowed by ex-wife Tina Turner's claims that he was a cocaine addict and regularly beat her for almost 20 years. Ike Turner was portrayed by actor Laurence Fishburne in the movie What's Love Got to Do with It (1993), based on Tina's autobiography.
Ike arguably invented rock 'n' roll with his 1951 song "Rocket 88," and he enjoyed huge fame in the '60s and '70s as the mastermind behind Ike & Tina Turner, a rhythm-and-blues revue that dazzled audiences with spirited performances of such songs as "Proud Mary" and "River Deep Mountain High."
After the couple's 1975 breakup, Ike's cocaine addiction worsened, and in '89 he began a 17-month prison term. After years of obscurity, he won his first Grammy in 35 years in February 2007 for an acclaimed blues album, Risin' with the Blues. He died in San Marcos, California on December 12, 2007. Life In Legacy
“Tina hasn’t had any contact with Ike in 35 years. No further comment will be made.”
[Official statement released on behalf of Tina Turner following the death of former husband Ike Turner. People Online]
"Our country for the first time in my life time has abandoned the basic
principle of human rights. We've said that the Geneva conventions do not apply to those people in Abu Ghraib prison and Guantánamo, and we've said we can torture prisoners and deprive them of an accusation of a crime. But you can make your own definition of human rights and say we don't violate them, and you can make your own definition of torture and say we don't violate them." [Former President Jimmy Carter]
The “Christian Leader”, Mike Huckabuck asked, “Do the Mormons believe Jesus and the Devil are brothers?”
“Of course Lucifer was Jesus's brother - how could he not be? Jesus was in existence long before Mary was ever born, so all that ‘virgin mother’ stuff is just another fairy tale that makes no sense.
'God' created Jesus, Lucifer and the angels to play with when he was bored.
When he got bored with them, he created us puppets to torment. Second, don't forget that God created the Devil and God created evil…” [unbeliever BartCop.com]
How many Immaculate Conceptions could a conceptor concept if a conceptor could concept more than one one? [BartCop.com]
“Iowa likes underdogs, because, you know, who the fuck wants to live in Iowa?” [Wonkette]
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WELL HOWDY, REV’LERS! 
I’m Rev. Art. Welcome to our crib in Metro Fairborn and THE STAND-UP! - Its like Home Improvement, but the tool time is in my pants.
PLEASE - join Da Rev & Da Pagan Baby in contributing to an all out effort to eradicate a horrific malady brought to our attention by Steve & Eydie. I hope we can count on a check from everyone here this weekend for $500. or more for continuing research into “Infernal Fever & Dungeon Runs”…
I finished my holiday shopping. I found the perfect thing for my grandson who eats no meat. It‘s a new inspirational book called "Chicken Soup for The Vegetarian Soul". www.tomslake.com
I don’t trust anyone over 18 who doesn’t eat meat and drink beer! I didn't climb to the top of the food chain to become a vegetarian! Vegetarian? Isn’t that the Indian word for lousy hunter? 
IT'S STILL SNOWING!
Could you go without food for one day per month? A study shows fasting for one day each month may be good for your health. I'm not sure I could fast for a whole day. Although I'd be willing to try fasting between meals. www.tomslake.com
A study shows acupuncture can be used to help obese people. But the needles have to be extra long. www.tomslake.com
Before I forget - this is a personal reply to “Jan” who takes offense at everything I say about religious nonsense: Sweetheart - Can't you just be satisfied that if I'm wrong about Gawd, I'll burn in hell?
Oh - and I’d like to know what teachers, in particular, think of this concept: It is high time for schools to recognize that content is already available on line and they should change their courses to life skills, learning-based pursuits, and a new partnership with nature...
TRIVIA
One of these things is not like the others
A: Lou Grant
B: Gordy the Weatherman
C: Mary Richards
D: Phyllis Lindstrom
E: Rhoda Morgenstern
The ANSWER appears @ the end of THE STAND-UP...
Say "NO" to drugs. That will bring the prices down. Drugs may lead to nowhere, but at least it's the scenic route. 
ALABAMA: One million people, and 15 last names. 
I’ve been getting in touch with my feminine side - which turns out to be lesbian…
CLICK THIS!
The last time politics and religion were mixed, people were burned at the stake. 
Money is the root of all evil. Yes, it is. For more information, send me $20. 
Adjure obfuscation. If you can read this, you're not the president. 
Many years ago, you know - I was a National Spelling bee runer-up!
I wrote to Pastor Tim La Haye - the guy who has a collaborator to actually write those “Left Behind” novels. I asked him - when the Rapture comes, can I have your car?
TRIVIA ANSWER
Which is not like the others?
A: Lou Grant
B: Gordy the Weatherman
C: Mary Richards
D: Phyllis Lindstrom
E: Rhoda Morgenstern
All these characters on The Mary Tyler Moore Show had their own show except Gordy.
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Wilburt F. Harsheill, co-chair of the Religious Freedom Union of America
LINCOLN, NE.: Today legislators in the Nebraska State Senate have begun debate on a controversial measure to forbid the teaching of gravity in all institutions accepting state funds. Wilburt F. Harsheill, co-chair of the Religious Freedom Union of America, testified before the Senate Education Sub-Committee that "gravity is just one of many possible explanations why water flows downhill. To eliminate the possibility of Divine Intervention is an affront to the millions of church-goers in our country."
In a long and impassioned presentation Harsheill went on to assert that "the secular humanists in charge of education policy in our nation have no explanation for the Ascension of Christ or Old Faithful and that students should be exposed to all sides equally." [Thanx t' Massimo Pigliucci]
TEST: DO YOU SEE BOTH DOLPHINS IN THE PICTURE BELOW?
Chances are you're stressed out. It's been demonstrated that when people are stressed they're less likely to exercise good critical thinking skills. If you don't see both dolphins, don't be alarmed. Come back later...
Here's your VIDEO: Ike Turner Tribute - DYNAMITE!
Mike Huckabuck is too ignorant to be POTUS. He may be dumber than DUBYA! He believes dinosaurs and humans inhabited the earth during the same era. And he said the other day that black holes are where God divided by zero!
Top 10 Moments in Huckabuck’s EXTREMISM 
Activist Blogger Mike Rogers, who exposed hypocrite Larry Craig believes that those who secretly belong to a group they use their power to legislate against should be exposed for their hypocrisy:
Gay Republican Congressman to Resign
Louisiana Rep. Jim McCrery, senior Republican on the tax-writing House Ways and Means Committee, told associates Friday he intends to retire rather than seek re-election in 2008. McCrery, 58, joins 17 other Republicans who are headed into voluntary retirement as the party struggles to adjust to its return to minority status in the 2006 elections.
Yup, he's gay.
Is Michael Savage (RN: Michael Weiner) Secretly Gay?
HOW GAY IS MITCH McCONNELL? Thanx t' Mike Rogers
Mitch the Bitch McConnell and his 'I'm not gay' wife, Margaret Ho
You may have heard that former U.S. Attorney-General Alberto Gonzalez was named by the American Bar Association as LAWYER OF THE YEAR. True! BUT WAIT: Alberto Stripped of ‘Lawyer of the Year’; Receives ‘Voyeur of the Year’ 
LEGAL FUCKIN' VICTORY
It's the First Amendment, Bitches! Boston.com
In Scranton, Pennsylvania (of all the shitholes in the country) a legal victory for the foul-mouthed has been won. Dawn Herb was charged with disorderly conduct when her bastard cop neighbor, Patrick Gilman, called his fucking buddies to complain about her. Patrick said that Dawn was swearing too loudly inside her house (because her goddamn toilet was overflowing) and then ripped him a new asshole when he told her to shut the fuck up. District Judge Terrence Gallagher dismissed the charges against Dawn, ruling that her language was “protected speech pursuant to the First Amendment.” God, I do love when some son-of-a-bitch takes the time to read the motherfucking Constitution.
Jake Novak's Humor Blog
Rice Raps Israel
Secretary of State Kindaslezza Rice on rebuked Israeli officials for plans to expand a Jewish settlement in East Jerusalem. Apparently the new settlements are a big slap in the face to Palestinians who aren't sure they have the manpower to blow them up. 
Rice objects to the settlement plans, not because it threatens the peace talks, but because most of the new settlers are buying apartments with subprime loans.
Comedian Argus Hamilton
The White House denied Wednesday it violated two U.S. judges' orders by destroying CIA videotapes of prisoner waterboarding. The government says the judges' orders only applied to interrogations at Guantanamo, where waterboarding is forbidden. These interrogations occurred in Afghanistan, where waterboarding is sponsored by Gatorade. 
Mitt Romney said his Mormon faith shouldn't be a barrier to him becoming the Republican party's nominee for president. He's seeking to allay concerns among the general public that the Republican party is a religious cult. 
A Newsweek's poll showed Mike Huckabee with a giant lead over Mitt Romney in Iowa. What century is this? The GOP contest is between a guy who believes the Garden of Eden was in Missouri and a guy whose science textbook puts it in Mesopotamia. 
Mike Huckabee apologized to Mitt Romney Wednesday for asking a New York Times religion reporter if Mormons believe Jesus and Satan were brothers. Mormons are livid. They say this is exactly the kind of smear that makes them miss polygamy jokes.
NAZI CLAUS
Mike Huckabee angered Mormons when he told the New York Times he thinks Mormons believe Jesus and Satan are brothers. He should lay off complex theological questions. It's hard enough for Americans to believe that George and Jeb are brothers. 
The Weather Channel reported that ice storms cut power lines and closed schools in the Midwest. Ice was an inch thick on the roads. It was so cold in Iowa that people were showing up at Mike Huckabee rallies just for the fire and brimstone.
The Weather Channel said snowstorms hit New Hampshire Thursday. It's a campaign issue. John Edwards blamed it on rich people who want to ski, Hillary didn't recall seeding the clouds, and Barack Obama denied that Snowplow was his nickname in college. 
Mike Huckabee came under fire last week over women's rights. He signed onto the Southern Baptist Convention statement that women should submit graciously to their husbands. Mormons, on the other hand, believe there should be a catfight over the guy.
Germany tried to ban Scientology calling the group a religious cult and not a religion. Scientologists believe every human is inhabited by a space alien. It allowed Mitt Romney to present himself as the middle way between Mike Huckabee and Tom Cruise. 
Oprah Winfrey campaigned for Barack Obama at an Iowa stadium. They're a great team. Every time Barack Obama made a point about health care, education or foreign policy, Oprah would rattle a set of car keys and the crowd would go crazy.
President Bush went bicycle riding in a snowstorm in Virginia Sunday. He hates to miss a day of exercise, no matter how busy he is or how cold it is. If there's one thing worse than an absolute monarch it's one that's going to live to be a hundred. 
Wonkette
Mary Bono can officially be referred to as Mrs. Mary Mack. No word yet on if she showed up to the ceremony all dressed in black with silver buttons all down her back… 
Jake Novak's Humor Blog
The George Mitchell Commission released its findings about the use of steroids and performance-enhancing drugs in baseball Thursday.
Clemens has been Named
ESPN reported that Roger Clemens was one of the stars named in the Mitchell Report. Clemens responded by beaning ESPN. 
ESPN reported that Roger Clemens was one of the stars named in the Mitchell Report for using steroids... crushing news to the 3 people in America who didn't already know Roger Clemens was using steroids.
Foster's Lover
Atheist Pin-Up Jodie Foster is publicly acknowledging her lesbian lover. John Hinckley responded by shouting: "NOW you tell me?!?"
Comedian Argus Hamilton
New York Yankees star pitchers Roger Clemens and Andy Pettitte headlined a list of eighty-six ballplayers named in the Mitchell Report Thursday. Only one player was willing to comment for the record. Sammy Sosa insisted he didn't take any stereos.
Don Imus introduced his new radio sidekick, a black woman from Texas who converted to Judaism. Now he can do no black jokes, no women jokes, no Jewish jokes and no Texas Aggie jokes. Most people see snakes when they are forced to detox this abruptly. 
When Da Rev Dreams of Jeanie - she's ALWAYS undressed...
If BARBARA EDEN were a jazz musician - I'd let her play my "rusty trombone." 
A man was on holiday in the Caribbean and, liking the warm tropical weather, settled down for a day's sunbathing. He fell asleep, and after a whole day his legs became sunburned beyond belief. He could hardly stand the pain. He decided to go to the doctor for treatment.
The doctor looked at his lobster-coloured legs and shook his head. "You must realize that this is only a small village medical facility," he explained. "I've really got nothing at all to help you. However, try taking this just before bedtime..."
The doctor gave him one tablet of Viagra. Puzzled, the man asked, "I've got acute sunburn: what's a Viagra tablet going to do?"
"Not a thing for the sunburn," the doctor replied, "but it will keep the sheets off your legs." 
HUNKS FOR THE LADIES
EUGENE
My late Aunt Isabel's wit was legendary in our family. We come from Wilmington, Ohio, where many of the roads were so narrow that if a car should stall, the car behind it would be unable to pass. This is what happened to my Aunt one day. While she trying to restart the engine, the driver behind her began blowing his horn repeatedly. Aunt Isabel set the parking brake, got out of the car and walked over to the driver's window. When he rolled down his window, she smiled warmly and said, "I cannot seem to get my car started, Would you be kind enough to start it for me? And I will stay here and blow your horn for you!" 
Mmmmm... DJ Jackie Jack stirs up a HOT mix behind the turntables...
The executive was interviewing a young, anxious applicant for a position in his company. He wanted to find out something about her personality so he asked, "If you could have a conversation with someone, living or dead, who would it be?"
The applicant quickly responded, "The living one." 
Cute, Cuddly KELLY RIPA
Children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun wrote a note, "Take only one, God is watching."
Moving through the line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. Little Johnny wrote a note, "Take all you want, God is watching the apples." 
BIANCA BEAUCHAMP IS SO SENSUAL...
If Bianca's sensuality were the wide open range - I’d ride her ‘til the cows come home!
Yes, I’d ride her hard and put her away wet…
SARAH MICHELLE GELLAR
A criminal lawyer, Robinson was notorious for finding the little loopholes that won him acquittals even in the most difficult circumstances. So it was he that Milliken hired when he was accused of grand theft auto. And it was Milliken who walked out of the courtroom a free man, after a lengthy trial and some brilliant footwork on Robinson's part.
The very next day Milliken appeared in the chambers of the judge who had presided over his trial and demanded a warrant for Robinson's arrest.
"Why on Earth do you want him arrested?" asked the judge. "He got you off, didn't he?"
"Yeah," conceded Milliken, "but when I didn't have enough money to pay his fee, he drove off in that car I stole!" 
SAMIA SIMMERS...
IT'S A 1942 PLYMOUTH WOODY!
Good fortune. COMMENT! Please spread the meme. Don’t smoke in bed…
