December 22, 2ôô7
The following blog has been re-formatted to fit your computer - but if bits overflow and fall out, please pick them up and push them back in.
MERRY CHRISMA-HANUKKA-WANZAA!!
IT'S ANOTHER YEAR AROUND THE SUN... 
Season’s Greetings to everyone.
As we prepare to celebrate The Winter Solstice or the Celtic Feast of Alban Arth - The Light of Arthur - we hope your holidays bring you the warmth and happiness associated with gatherings of family and friends, plenty of good food and drink, and the joy of giving. 
This is the time of the year that we celebrate Newton's birthday (365) who
REALLY WAS BORN on December 25th. (Jim‘s wondering - “How does Da Rev know Alfred E. Newton‘s birthday?”)
Barbara Billingsley (85) is an American film, television and character actress, who in her five decades of television came to prominence in the 1950s as an everyday mother, June Cleaver, on Leave it to Beaver, and its sequel, The New Leave It to Beaver, two decades later. It was during that time she provided the voice of the unseen Nanny on Jim Henson's Muppet Babies.
Jane Fonda (70) is a two-time Academy Award-winning American actress, writer, political activist, former fashion model, and fitness guru.
"I can't find any ChapStick in here. I have everything else in this desk but I can't find any ChapStick!"
[Rash Limbo, the Methane Factory, preparing for his date with Clarence Thomas] BartCop.com
(Click on any image to ENLARGE it) 
WELL HOWDY, REV’LERS! 
I’m Rev. Art. Welcome to our crib in Metro Fairborn and THE STAND-UP! - Its like Martha Stewart Living - but our bed linen's stained.
PLEASE - join Da Rev & Da Pagan Baby in contributing to an all out effort to eradicate a horrific malady brought to our attention by Donnie Most. I hope we can count on a check from everyone here this weekend for $500. or more for continuing research into “Ghastly Reflux”...
I remember the excitement of the holidays when I was a little kid in the ‘40s. We had electric lights on the tree. Of course they were in black & white! www.tomslake.com
When you stop believing in Santa Claus is when you start getting clothes for Christmas.
On TV yesterday they said day planners are a very popular gift item. Last Yule my wife gave me a 2007 day planner. It was totally blank. So I didn't do a thing all year. www.tomslake.com
Sure, I'd like to see "Peace on Earth". But I'd settle for peace between the writers union and the Hollywood studios. www.tomslake.com
I’ll never forget one season long past. After perambulating through a December solstice fantasy I arrived home just in time to spy my maternal parent osculating a not-so-fat man dressed in red. Surprisingly, he seemed to have dropped about 50 pounds in the 3 weeks since I’d climbed on his lap in the downtown Dayton department store to beg for STUFF!
‘TIS THE SEASON…
when we don our gay apparel...
Fa la la la la,
La la la la...
Sung to the tune of "Walking in a Winter Wonderland"...
Lacey things, the wife is missin'
Didn't ask for her permission
I'm wearin' her clothes,
her silk pantyhose
Walking 'round in women's underwear
In the store, there's a teddy
With little straps like spaghetti
It holds me so tight,
like handcuffs at night
Walking 'round in women's underwear
In the office there's a guy named Melvin
He pretends that I am Murphy Brown
He'll say, "Are you ready?",
I'll say, "Wooohh man!
Just wait until the wife is out of town..."
Later on, if you wanna
We can dress like Madonna
Put on some eyeshade,
And join the parade
Walking 'round in women's underwear
Lacey things, missing
Didn't ask, permission
Wearing her clothes,
Silk pantyhose
Walking 'round in women's underwear...
Walking 'round in women's underwear...
Walking 'round in women's underwear!
People wonder why I do 98% of my holiday shopping on-line. Here’s a good reason - at the Fairfield Mall Saturday afternoon I felt a man's hand in my pocket. I said "What the hell are you doing?"
He said "I was just lookin’ for a cigarette, Man".
I said "Why didn't you ask? I would have told you I don‘t smoke!"
He said, "I never talk to strangers". 
Shop on-line! Avoid searching for a parking space. There’s no pushing and shoving. No aching feet. No bursting bladder because you can't find the bathroom. Although you can buy a program for your computer that simulates all of those things…
CLICK this!
SANTA HAS A JOB...
Consider the following:
1. You never actually see Santa, only his "assistants."
2. Santa keeps his job until he decides to retire.
3. Santa doesn't really do the work; he directs a bunch of helpers
to do all his work for him, but he's the one who everybody credits
with the work.
4. Santa doesn't work anywhere near a 40 hour week.
5. Santa travels a lot.
Santa is obviously a senior faculty member with tenure!
TOP TEN ISLAMOFASCIST CAROLS OF THE SEASON:
It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Jihad
- Hark! The Tribal Elders Sing
- Osama is Coming to Town
- Frosty the Freedom Fighter
- I'm Dreaming of a White Burka
- I Saw Mommy Kissing the Great Satan
- We Wish You a Merry Fatwah
- All I Want for Christmas is a Rocket Propelled Grenade
- Let There Be Peace in Kabul
"Grandma Got Run Over By a Camel" (humorous)
"Here We Come a Terrorizing"
"Walking in an Afgan Wonderland."
"The Jihad Song (Camels belching by an open fire)"
"Silent Wahabi, holy s**t!"
"Deck the Halls with Certified Halal"
"Jihad Bells!" 
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This week Mitt Romney claimed on more that one occasion to have seen his father march with Martin Luther King Jr. After a little research showed that Romney’s father never marched with King, the GOP presidential candidate now says he meant that by saw his father he meant that he was aware of his father marching and Dr. King's work but not the two things together or something equally stupid:
Romney told reporters in Iowa. “It’s a figure of speech and very familiar, and it’s very common. And I saw my dad march with Martin Luther King. I did not see it with my own eyes, but I saw him in the sense of being aware of his participation in that great effort..."
Jake Novak's Humor Blog
Lieberman Backs McCain
Senator Joe Lieberman is endorsing John McCain for president. It's a brilliant move because making this decision now will give Lieberman more exposure in a few weeks when McCain drops out of the race.
Comedian Argus Hamilton
Dick Cheney's office was destroyed by fire Wednesday, one day after his visitor logs were ordered unsealed by a judge. There were two injuries. A Marine was hurt when he leaped out of a window to safety and G. Gordon Liddy was injured setting the fire. 
The National Enquirer reported Wednesday that John Edwards got a young lady pregnant while campaigning for president this summer. This can only mean one thing. John Edwards has decided he won't concede the adultery vote to the Clintons without a fight. 
More ARGUS
Connecticut police arrested a woman for sexual assault Tuesday after she was accused of groping Santa Claus at Danbury Mall. She groped him before their snapshot was taken. Sometimes figuring out who is naughty and who's nice is not all that difficult.
Mmmm... Buffy! If her hotness were a lawn, I'd be sniffin' that sweet bottom grass.
HUNKS FOR THE LADIES
A guy bought his wife a beautiful diamond ring for Christmas.
After hearing about this extravagant gift, a friend of his said, "I thought she wanted one of those sporty four-wheel-drive vehicles."
"She did," he replied. "But where was I going to find a fake Jeep?"
Good fortune. COMMENT! Please spread the meme. Don’t smoke in bed…
