MINISTER OF RANTS

P.O.E.T.S. - O223O8 || SEN. McLAME, WHO'S THE WHORE? HILLARY SOLDIERS ON, OBAMANIA, A CULT? SHOULD CARTOONISTS DRAW OBAMA? OSCAR AIN'T MADE O' TIN, CUBA: BIG BROTHER STEPS DOWN, GAY PENGUINS, COMPARATIVE CANNABIS PRICES, NADIR AGAIN, HUMOR, SKIN, TRIVIA.

 
 

                 FEBRUARY 23, 2ôô8

NAVIGATING THE FRINGE STREAM
- LISTING A BIT TO THE LEFT...


AKRON BEACON JOURNAL ENDORSES HILLARY

Why to cartoonists always draw ME?
We recommend a vote for Hillary Clinton in the March 4 presidential primary... Hillary Clinton is the more proven leader.
 

The Vatican announced Pope Benedict will visit President Bush during his first visit to the U.S. as pontiff in April. One is a conservative Catholic, the other is a born-again Protestant. The only thing they agree on is that they're both infallible.

One of our favorite “B” - Movie actors:
William George "BILLY" ZANE, Jr. (42) is an American actor and director. He is perhaps best recognized for his role as Caledon Hockley in the 1997 blockbuster film Titanic, as the deranged psychopath Hughie Warriner in Dead Calm, and as The Phantom in the 1996 eponymous film based upon the comic book superhero.

As of 2008, Zane has appeared in over 50 films and numerous TV-series. His family's original surname, "Zanikopolous", was anglicized to "Zane" by his grandparents. Both of his parents are Greek American and Zane was raised in the Greek Orthodox religion. He has an older sister, Lisa Zane, who is also an actress.

MOVIES
Back to the Future (1985) .... Match Critters (1986) .... Steve Elliot Going Overboard (1989) .... King Neptune Dead Calm (1989) .... Hughie Warriner Back to the Future Part II (1989) .... Match Megaville (1990) .... Palinov/Jensen Memphis Belle (1990) .... Lt. Val Kozlowski Miliardi (1991) .... Maurizio Ferretti Femme Fatale (1991) .... Elijah Blood and Concrete (1991) .... Joey Turks Orlando (1992) .... Shelmerdine Flashfire (1993) .... Jack Flinder Betrayal of the Dove (1993) .... Dr. Jesse Peter Sniper (1993) .... Richard Miller Lake Consequence (1993) .... Billy Posse (1993) .... Colonel Graham Poetic Justice (1993) .... Brad Tombstone (1993) .... Mr. Fabian Reflections on a Crime (1994) .... Colin Silenzio dei prosciutti, Il (1994) .... Joe Dee Foster Only You (1994) .... Harry, The False Damon Bradley The Set Up (1995) .... Charles Thorpe Demon Knight (1995) .... The Collector The Phantom (1996) .... The Phantom/Kit Walker Head Above Water (1996) .... Kent Danger Zone (1997) .... Rick Morgan This World, Then the Fireworks (1997) .... Marty Lakewood Titanic (1997) .... Caledon Hockley I Woke Up Early the Day I Died (1998) .... The Thief Susan's Plan (1998) .... Sam Myers Pocahontas II: Journey to a New World (1998) .... John Rolfe Cleopatra (1999) .... Marc Antony Morgan's Ferry (1999) .... Sam Taxman (1999/II) .... George Putter Hendrix (2000)... Michael Jefferey Invincible (2001)...Os Zoolander (2001) ....Himself (uncredited) The Believer (2001) .... Curtis Zampf CQ (2001) .... Mr. E Landspeed (2002) .... Michael Sanger Claim (2002) .... Roberto Bealing Starving Hysterical Naked (2003) Imaginary Grace (2003) .... Nero Vlad (2003) .... Adrian The Kiss (2003) .... Alan Roberts/young Philip Naudet Dead Fish (2004) .... Virgil Bet Your Life (aka Deep Attack) Big Kiss (2004) .... Billy Silver City (2004) .... Chandler Tyson The Last Drop (2005) .... Oates The Pleasure Drivers (2005) .... Marvin BloodRayne (2006) .... Elrich Survival Island (also known as \"Three\")(2006) .... Jack Valley of the Wolves Iraq (2006) .... Sam William Marshall Memory (2005) .... Taylor Briggs The Mad (2006) Fishtales (2007).... Professor Thomas Bradley. DOA: Dead or Alive (2007) Alien Agent(2007) Beyond Legend Johnny kakota (2007)....Tomahawk 4Chosen (2008).... Chuck Gerrow Mama, I Want To Sing! (2008) Don Juan (TBA).... Don Juan



Ethel ("Sunny") Lowry (97) first British woman to swim the English Channel. On August 28, 1933, Lowry successfully swam from France to England in 15 hours and 41 minutes. It was her third attempt.

She was inducted into the International Marathon Swimming Association's Hall of Fame in 2003, one of only five British women to have successfully swum the Channel. She died in Warrington, Cheshire, England on February 19, 2008.

"McCain is a loose cannon. He has commendably defied his party on campaign finance, but he is also capable of bizarre behavior…This plus his reputedly wayward sex life will surely destroy his evident presidential aspirations." [Arthur Schlessinger, Jr., "Journals 1952 - 2000," page 833]

"Elect John McCain, so he can clean up Washington - putting corrupt politicians like John McCain out of business!" [Anon]


"As amply demonstrated by Germany and Italy of the 1930s, there is absolutely nothing new about a substantively uninformed, and highly manipulated electorate, euphorically and uncritically lining up lock-step behind a political figure offering a dangerously superficial, media sound-bite rhetoric which indefinably calls for “change.” The consequences of falling prey to such superficiality are dangerous and immense..."
[The Black Commentator Editorial Board]

"Obama’s people are so taken with their messiah that soon they’ll be selling flowers at airports and arranging mass weddings." [David Brooks, NYT Columnist]

"Obama has all the political depth of the kids show Bob The Builder and its vapid chants of 'Can we do it? Yes we can'." [The Arquette Sisters]

Jimmy Carter’s overall economic record was much better than most people realize — the average economic growth rate under his administration was 3.4 percent per year, slightly higher than the growth rate under Ronald Reagan and far better than growth under either Bush. [Paul Krugman]

"Bush says if McCain gets the nomination, he'll campaign for him. Well, ...you can't do better than that." [Letterman]

"Observers say Castro will either be replaced by his brother Raul, or by his idiot son, Fidel W. Castro." [Letterman]

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WELL HOWDY, REV’LERS!


I’m Rev. Art. Welcome to our crib in Metro Fairborn and THE STAND-UP! - Its like THE Book of Job - but without the BOILS…


We are very pleased to share with you an exceptional original rock music by the band “Mortal Anthem” in just a few moments…


PLEASE - join Da Rev & Da Pagan Baby in contributing to an all out effort to eradicate a horrific malady brought to our attention by Tovah Feldschuh. I hope we can count on a check from everyone here this weekend for $500. or more for continuing research into “Tick's Wasting Head”…

There's no sex in the champagne room. No matter WHAT the stripper tells you...


So! Fidel Castro has resigned as El Presidente of Cuba. As for retirement, his options are limitless. He could go to Disney World. Bike Week at Daytona. A condo on South Beach…

There’s a new BLUE MOVIE:
Now in production, a new movie about the Smurfs. I am hoping the movie answers important questions I have about the Smurfs. Like:

How come Smurfette is the only female Smurf?
Who is Baby Smurf's mom, if it's not Smurfette?

And my most important question of all: If Bart Simpson
married Smurfette - would their kids be green??
Thanx t’ www.tomslake.com


According to a study: The happiest people in the world live in
Denmark. The number one product in Denmark is bacon. Danish people are
happy. Danish pigs - not so happy.

Danish people are so happy - some Saturday nights the Norwegians have to call and tell them to hold down the noise. Thanx t’ www.tomslake.com


We Buckeyes are proud of retired Astronaut Colonel and former Senator John Glenn. On February 20, 1962, he became the first American to orbit the Earth. Then in 1998, at the age of 77, Glenn became the oldest person to fly in space. On that occasion he orbited five times before he remembered to turn off the Space Shuttle's left turn blinker.
Thanx t’ www.tomslake.com


The Academy Awards ceremony aired on ABC Sunday live from the Kodak Theater on Hollywood Boulevard. Everybody in show business was there. Jamie Lynn Spears attended the ceremony in order to spend less time with her family.

The Oscar statuette is made of gold-plated britannium, a metal alloy, and stands 13 1/2" tall and weighs 8 1/2 pounds. No - WAIT! That's TOM CRUISE!

“No Country For Old Men” won the Oscar for Best Picture. We haven’t seen it yet. I guess it’s about the 2008 election.


A guy in Pittsburgh has tentatively sold the world's largest private record collection on eBay. He has more than 3,000,000 albums. Somebody offered $3 million and gave him earnest money of $300,000. I have a large collection of old records. I’ll bet that guy in Pittsburgh didn’t have the Bobby Sherman picture discs that I cut off cereal boxes.

And I have a record of Oral Roberts - but it can’t be played. The hole keeps healing shut…


Terrell has a complaint: He says he never seems to meet those cheerful, uncomplicated women you see on tractor-trailer mud flaps.


We buy a lot of off-label canned goods. The other night I got a can of cheap peas out of the cupboard. The label read: "Pea Color and Size May Vary." No crap! I opened the can and there was just one giant blue pea!


No wonder Sir Paul got busted for bringin' his own pot into Japan! Good shit's expensive!

What's the deal in South Africa? There IS no weed being trafficked? Or it's FREE!


The guy who lives behind us plays calliope music at night. It’s messin’ up my life. It causes me to forget my duties and tempts me to run off with the circus - and to hell with her orgasm!


There is an Obama cult spreading across the landscape. Is it a personality cult or his messianic complex transferred to the masses? Barack Obama is the Pope of Hope, the agent of CHANGE! “Out of the frying pan - into the fire”! See? It’s change...

Yeah, there are all these white guys who are voting for Obama in the primaries. Why? Most of them are sexist jerks who won’t vote for a woman for president! Come the general election, will they stick with Obama or switch to the angry ol’ white coot?


"This is my rifle,
This is my gun.
One is for fightin’,
One is for fun."

It’s easy to remember which is for which if you keep in mind that you oil your rifle from the inside…


TRIVIA QUESTION
In the movie "Some Like it Hot" (1959), what instrument did Marilyn Monroe play in the all female band?

A: Guitar
B: Saxophone
C: Slide Trombone
D: Ukulele
E: Violin
ANSWER @ the end of The Stand-Up.


Mao Mi, a red panda, has just arrived at the Prospect Park Zoo in Brooklyn, N.Y., Wednesday, Feb. 20, 2008. Red pandas are an endangered species and Mao Mi is a beneficiary of a co-operative breeding program that works to ensure the survival of threatened or endangered species. [Photo by Julie Larsen Maher]

TRIVIA ANSWER
In the movie "Some Like it Hot" (1959), what instrument did Marilyn Monroe play in the all female band?

A: Guitar
B: Saxophone
C: Slide Trombone
D: Ukulele
E: Violin

Cliff Schecter reports:
Cindy Hensley met future husband John McCain at a military reception in Hawaii in 1979. She was 24, he was 17 years her senior, and both lied about their ages. He monopolized her time all night and later invited her out for a drink. "By the evening's end, I was in love," the Arizona senator has said.


McCain was still married and living with his wife in 1979 while, according to The New York Times' Nicholas Kristof, "aggressively courting a 25-year-old woman who was as beautiful as she was rich."


McCain divorced his wife, who had raised their three children while he was imprisoned in Vietnam, then launched his political career with his new wife's family money.


Jake Novak's Humor Blog


Nader Jumps In
Ralph Nader has officially entered the presidential race. He's hoping to fill the void for delusional candidates created when Dennis Kucinich dropped out last month.


McCain Denial
John McCain is strongly denying that he had an improper relationship with a female lobbyist in the ‘90s. But the news that he may have done special favors for a big business advocate is finally boosting his poll numbers among conservatives.


Castro's Brother Takes Over
Raul Castro has officially been named the president of Cuba, giving him complete control of the nation's armed forces, economy, and one remaining roll of toilet paper.
 
Comedian Argus Hamilton
Raul Castro took over the reins of power in Cuba last week. Street parties broke out in Havana. The Cuban people are like the woman who enjoyed the happiest day of her life when she walked up to the altar, kissed her husband, and then closed the lid.


Fidel Castro's seventy-six-year-old brother and successor Raul Castro is well known to enjoy alcohol and tobacco and is bisexual. The CIA is already trying to kill him. American kids mustn't learn that you can make it to seventy-six with these habits.


John McCain was reported to have been suspected by his aides of having an affair with a lobbyist during his last presidential bid. She looks just like his second wife, who looks just like his first wife. Some men just don't understand the concept of cheating.


The U.S. Embassy in Belgrade was burned last week by Serb mobs angry about the U.S. recognition of Kosovo. The White House expressed annoyance that Serbia couldn't control the crowd. We don't have enough troops left to express anything but annoyance.


President Bush was in Monrovia last week and congratulated Liberians for ending their fourteen-year civil war. He said it's much easier to destroy a country than to rebuild one. See? He HAS learned something in the last seven years!

Barack Obama announced he will spend defense budget dollars to create jobs in environmental work. No one dares object. Barack Obama is being treated like such a god that editorial cartoonists are afraid there will be riots if they draw him.


Gary Hart told ABC News he blames Democratic party superdelegates for upending his run for the presidency two decades ago. We all remember what really happened to him. Gary Hart had the nomination in his hip pocket, but he couldn't get his pants on.



MORE from Jake

St. Patrick's Day Conflict
In what could be a dilemma for America's Irish community, St. Patrick's Day will fall during the solemn period of Holy Week this year for the first time since 1940. Of course this shouldn't be a problem, since Irish-Americans always celebrate St. Patrick's Day with quiet reflection, study and prayer.




Penguin Book Banned
A book about two gay penguins has been pulled from a public school library in Virginia... much to the relief of the penguins, who say they just wanted their privacy.



COURTNEY FRIEL (who appears regularly on FOX News’ “Red Eye” @ 3 AM weekdays) IS SO HOTT!! If she were a bakery - I would devour her warm scrumptious buns…

HUNKS FOR THE LADIES

ACTOR BILLY ZANE

A man and a woman were having drinks when they got into an argument about who enjoyed sex more. The man said, "Men obviously enjoy sex more than women. Why do you think we're so obsessed with getting laid?"

"That doesn't prove anything," the woman countered. "Think about this...when your ear itches and you put your finger in it and wiggle it around, then pull it out, which feels better-your ear or your finger?"


LOVELY LANEA

After the annual office Christmas party blow-out, John woke up with a pounding headache, cotton-mouthed, and utterly unable to recall the events of the preceding evening. After a trip to the bathroom he was able to make his way downstairs, where his wife put some coffee in front of him. "Louise," he moaned, "tell me what went on last night. Was it as bad as I think?"

"Even worse," she assured him in her most scornful one. "You made a complete ass of yourself, succeeded in antagonizing the entire board of directors, and insulted the chairman of the company to his face."

"He's an arrogant, self-important prick, piss on him!"

"You did. All over his suit, " Louise informed him. "And he fired you."

"Well, fuck him," said John.

"I did. You're back at work on Monday."


KEPPY RIPA

She's as cute as I am curmudgeonly...

A man and woman were dating and he asked her to marry him. She told him to prove his love to her she wanted him to get her name, Wendy, tattooed on his penis. When it was erect it would say Wendy and when it was limp it would say “Wy“.
They got married and went to Jamaica to a nude beach for their honeymoon. Wendy told her husband to go get them a drink so he went to a stand on the beach and noticed the man who was waiting on him also had a “Wy” on his penis. He said, “Oh, you must have a wife named Wendy, too.”

The waiter said, “No mine says ‘Welcome to Jamaica, Mon, have a nice day‘!!!”


LUCY BECKER

A guy walks into a bar and orders 3 tequilas. The bartender asked, "What's wrong?"

The guy says that he just found out that his younger son is gay. The bartender says, he's sorry. After a couple of days the guy comes back and orders 6 tequilas. The bartender asks, "What's wrong now?"
The guy responds that he found out that his older son was gay, too. The bartender says that he's sorry. The guy returns a few days later and orders 10 tequilas. The bartender bursts out, "Isn't anyone in your family gettin' any pussy?!"

The guy gets really pissed and says, "Yeah, my wife!!"



THE OL' CADDY BURIAL GROUND

Good fortune. COMMENT! Please spread the meme. Don’t smoke in bed…

P.O.E.T.S. - 021608 || THOSE "HILLARY-HATERS", ROE V. WADE - AT RISK WITH OBAMA? TOM LANTOS - SECULAR JEW, WEALTHY SHOULD PAY MORE TAXES, RON PAUL STIFFS SEN. McLAME, TIM & BOB'S SLEAZE CRUISE, PETA, JANE FONDA'S C-WORD, HUMOR, TRIVIA, 'TOONS, JOKES, SKIN

February 16, 2ôô8


Watch for it! Total Lunar Eclipse – February 20...
The Moon will slide into the shadow of the Earth from 8:50 pm until midnight. During the eclipse, telescopic viewing of Saturn and the Orion Nebula and other celestial objects will be enhanced. There won’t be another lunar eclipse until December 2010.


"Folks, you’ve been played like a fiddle by people in the media who hate the Clintons. They tried to take Hillary down over her clothes, her voice, her tears. When none of that worked, they invented a race war.

There are some good arguments against Hillary — Iraq, people like Mark Penn, the big-money Dems in her circle. But this is “Al-Gore-invented-the-Internet” stuff. And it’s deeply depressing to see so many progressives fall for it." [Paul Krugman]


"I have to tell you, this election, the feeling most people get when they hear
Barack Obama's speech. My, I felt this thrill going up my leg. I mean, I don't have that too often."
[A queer reaction from Chris "Tweety" Mathews, the biggest Obama fan in the country]


“Obama won't be as passionate as Clinton in his support of a woman's right to control her biology. Not because he's a man mind you, but because he doesn't seem as interested. While Obama promotes an array of civil rights issues, such as eliminating sentencing disparities between crack and powder cocaine, on the "issues" section of his campaign Web site, he doesn't mention women's reproductive freedom. But go to Clinton's "issues" section and she proudly proclaims her support for Roe vs. Wade.

Access to effective birth control is women's Emancipation Proclamation. Nothing has freed women and bettered their lives and that of their children more than the ability to control the size of their families. Clinton seems to appreciate the momentousness of this - and the way contraception has been under siege by Republicans - in a way that Obama does not.

When the Bush administration's FDA kept dragging its feet, refusing to rule on whether emergency contraception could be available prescription-free and over-the-counter, it was Clinton along with her Senate colleague Patty Murray of Washington who made it a huge issue. They held up the confirmations of first Lester Crawford and then Andrew von Eschenbach as FDA chiefs until the agency made a decision. Approval finally resulted.

This was personal, identity politics and it was brilliant.”
[Robyn Blumner, St. Pete Times]




Remember when Hillary went on her “listening tour”? Not to be outdone - Barack Obama’s ALL EARS!


HILLARY
Insiders say if Hillary Clinton is not elected president she may get her own TV talkshow. Hey - somebody will have to fill in for Vice President Oprah Winfrey. www.tomslake.com

 

Pope Benedict issued an edict standing by a Vatican Council ruling that the Roman Catholic church is the only true church. He said he welcomes the debate. If there is one thing he learned in the Hitler Youth, it's always be sure of yourself.

Focus on the Family's James Dobson endorsed Mike Huckabee on Friday. Religious conservatives all agree on right-to-life, prayer in school, and opposition to gay marriage, but Mike Huckabee went the extra mile. He promised to force TV Land to cancel “Bewitched”…






Eugene HUGH BEAUMONT would be 99. He was an American actor and television director. He was also licensed to preach in the Methodist church. He is best known for his portrayal of Ward Cleaver, the husband of June Cleaver (Barbara Billingsley) and the father of Wally (Tony Dow) and Beaver (Jerry Mathers) on the television series, Leave It to Beaver (1957-1963).


PATTY ANDREWS (90) (center), the lone surviving member of The Andrews Sisters, a close harmony singing group, consisting of sisters LaVerne Sophie Andrews (contralto; July 6, 1911–May 8, 1967), Maxene Angelyn Andrews (soprano; January 3, 1916–October 21, 1995), and Patricia Marie (a.k.a. Patty) Andrews (lead; born February 16, 1918). All were born in Minnesota to a Greek immigrant father and a Norwegian American mother. The Andrews Sisters became the best-selling female vocal group in the history of popular music, setting records that remain unsurpassed to this day: between 75-100 million records sold from a little over 600 recorded tunes, more @ Wikipedia


MATThew Abram GROENING (pronounced: GRAY-ning) (54) is an American cartoonist, television producer and writer from Portland, Oregon. Groening is best known as the creator of The Simpsons. He is also the creator of Futurama and the author of the weekly comic strip Life in Hell. Groening distributed Life in Hell in the book corner of Licorice Pizza, a record store in which he worked. He made his first professional cartoon sale to the avant-garde Wet magazine in 1978. The cartoon is still carried in 250 weekly newspapers.
Groening has won 10 Primetime Emmy Awards, nine for The Simpsons and one for Futurama as well as a British Comedy Award for "outstanding contribution to comedy" in 2004. In 2002, he won the National Cartoonist Society Reuben Award for his work on Life in Hell. Matt Groening is one of Rev. Art’s Atheist Pin-Ups.




THOMAS Peter LANTOS (80) was a Democratic member of the United States House of Representatives from 1981 until his death, representing the northern two-thirds of San Mateo County and a small portion of southwest San Francisco. Lantos had announced in early January that he would not run for reelection in 2008 because of cancer of the esophagus.

Born as Lantos Tamás Péter to a Jewish family in Budapest, Hungary, Lantos was part of a resistance movement against the Nazis during the German occupation of Hungary. In his floor speeches, he sometimes referred to himself as one of the few living members of Congress who fought against fascism.

A secular Jew, Tom Lantos was the only Holocaust survivor ever to serve in Congress.


ROY Richard SCHEIDER (76) was an Academy Award- and Golden Globe-nominated American actor. He was best known for his role as police chief Martin Brody in the 1975 blockbuster Jaws. Scheider was born in Orange, New Jersey. Scheider's mother was of Irish Catholic background and his father was German American and Protestant.

In 1971, he appeared in two highly popular movies, Klute and The French Connection; the latter, in which he played a fictionalized version of New York City detective Sonny Grosso, garnered him an Oscar nomination for Best Supporting Actor. His first starring role came in 1973 in The Seven-Ups, a quasi-follow-up to The French Connection, in which Scheider's character is once again based on Grosso. Two years later, he portrayed Chief Martin Brody in the Hollywood blockbuster Jaws which also starred Robert Shaw and Richard Dreyfuss. Scheider's famous movie line, "You're gonna need a bigger boat", which was actually ad-libbed by Scheider, was voted 35th on the American Film Institute's list of best movie quotes. In 1976, he appeared as secret agent Doc Levy in Marathon Man, with Dustin Hoffman (as his younger brother) and Laurence Olivier.

Some of his films: Klute (1971) The French Connection (1971) The Seven-Ups (1973) Jaws (1975) Marathon Man (1976) Sorcerer (1977) Jaws 2 (1978) Last Embrace (1979) All That Jazz (1979) Still of the Night (1982) Blue Thunder (1983) 52 Pick-Up (1986) Cohen and Tate (1988) Listen to Me (1989) Night Game (1989) The Russia House (1990) Naked Lunch (1991).

In 1979, four years after he appeared in Jaws, he received his second Academy Award nomination, this time as Best Actor in All That Jazz, in which he played a fictionalized version of the film's director Bob Fosse.




“America's government has at least two fundamental functions, protection and empowerment. Protection includes the police, firefighters, emergency services, public health, the military, and so on. Empowerment includes the infrastructure needed for business and everyday life: roads, communications systems, water supplies, public education, the banking system for loans and economic stability, the SEC for the stock market, the courts for enforcing contracts, air traffic control, support for basic science, our national parks and public buildings, and more. We are usually aware of protection. But the empowerment infrastructure, provided by taxes, is usually taken for granted, hidden, or ignored. Yet it is absolutely crucial, a fundamental truth about America and why America provides opportunity. [George Lakoff and Bruce Budner]

"This is a basic truth. Ordinary people just drive on the highways; corporations send fleets of trucks. Ordinary people may get a bank loan for their mortgage; corporations borrow money to buy whole companies. Ordinary people rarely use the courts; most of the courts are used for corporate law and contract disputes. Corporations and their investors -- those who have accumulated enough money beyond basic needs so they can invest - make much more use, compound use, of the empowering infrastructure provided by everybody's tax money.

The wealthy have made greater use of the common good--they have been empowered by it in creating their wealth--and thus they have a greater moral obligation to sustain it. They are merely paying their debt to society in arrears and investing in future empowerment.

This is the fundamental truth that motivates progressive taxation.
It is a truth that undercuts conservative arguments about taxation. Taxes provide and maintain the protecting and empowering infrastructure that makes our income possible…” [George Lakoff and Bruce Budner]


"I cannot support anybody with the foreign policy (Senator John McLame) advocates, you know, perpetual war. That is just so disturbing to me. I think it's un-American, unconstitutional, immoral and not Republican."  [Congressman Ron Paul]

“I think we should invade Berkley, kill their leaders, and convert them to Christianity!” [Gov. Hucklebuck]

"I will never drop my pants for a cheap laugh." [Jerry Lewis, as he dropped his pants for a cheap laugh.]

"You know Bin Laden was like the 25th child out of 50 siblings. You know, it's always the middle 20 that give you the worst problems." [Bill Maher]

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WELL HOWDY, REV’LERS!

I’m Rev. Art. I was the first blind paraplegic to climb Mt. Everest - as a FETUS!

Welcome to our crib in Metro Fairborn and THE STAND-UP! - Its like an episode of Law & Order - but without any briefs…


We are very pleased to share with you an exceptional original rock music by the band “Smelly Buddy” in just a few moments…

IN SOLIDARITY

PLEASE - join Da Rev & Da Pagan Baby in contributing to an all out effort to eradicate a horrific malady brought to our attention by Caryl Chessman III. I hope we can count on a check from everyone here this weekend for $500. or more for continuing research into “Elephant's Vomiting Confusion”…


Mike - don’t look now - but you’re sitting next to some foreign guy who is pretending to read a newspaper written in gibberish.

TRIVIA QUESTION
Thanx t' BartCop.com

Dan Blocker was approached to play Major "King" Kong in Stanley Kubrick's Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb (1964) - but turned it down.
Why?

A: Because the film would be shot in black & white.
B: It was too "pinko".
C: Schedule conflict with Bonanza.
D: Wanted George C. Scott's role.
E: Wanted Peter Sellers' role.


Did you see the dog show on TV? Uno the Beagle won the coveted "Best in Show" prize at the Westminster Dog Show in New York this week. He’s the first beagle to win the title. He says he owes it all to that round-headed kid…

To celebrate, the beagle said he planned to drink out of the toilet and party with some bitches.


My teenage grandsons were over earlier. We played Frisbee in the side yard - well… until my teeth got sore… www.tomslake.com


"...according to new research, the number of seniors - people age 65 and over - will more than double in size to 81 million by 2050."
That's only if none of us die, right?


I'm comin' up on my 66th - but I'll never grow up.

Which reminds me - Here in Ohio, it's a law that when you turn 70 you have to move to St. Pete, Florida and drive on the sidewalks.

My uncle lived there. He said, St. Pete is the City of the Living Dead. Then he died...

He left me his collector’s copy of the original “2 Girls / 1 Cup”, starring Carmen Miranda and Dorothy Lamour. It's 47 minutes long. One take. Those old time starlets had some dedication… And Carmen’s tall hat-made-of-fruit didn’t even fall off once!


TASTE THIS
In People Magazine: "Peel & Lick" advertising. One step beyond "Scratch & Sniff". Welch's Grape Juice is the first product to use this idea. You peel off a strip - you lick the magazine - taste the product. (TRUE)

They say the flavor will linger through several lickings. Although it may fade a little after everybody in the doctor's waiting room has licked the magazine. (Eeeewww!)
Thanx t’ www.tomslake.com


PETA has issued a warning to Britney Spears: “Don‘t feed your kids ice cream!”

And, of course, they‘re opposed to Hardee‘s Monster Bacon Cheese Burger.

In a release, PETA tried to link mental illness with meat & dairy consumption. The release went on to say, "While the medical link between mental illness and meat and dairy consumption is still evolving, there is no doubt that eating animal products is a major factor in causing other diseases."
I`m confused...

PETA expounds a theory that food sensitivities to animal-based products exacerbate psychoses. And yet PETA members exclude such products from their diets - doesn`t that just disprove their whole argument?
Greg Gutfeld


You know how PETA always says, "Meat stinks"? I used to sell meat. I was calling on a bar owner who said, "I'm married to a vegetarian."

I asked, "Does she smell funny?"

No, he didn't toss me out. He said, "You get used to it..."

U-Mass astrophysicist Gaurav Khanna has strung together 16 PS consoles to simulate gravity waves that occur when two black holes collide. He demonstrated it for me when we visited last winter - then he asked me to help him program his VCR…


It’s come to my attention (from Tim) that when he and Bob were visiting a local T & A Exhibition, Bob stuck a dollar in the stripper’s G-string - and tried to pull out a twenty. He WISHES the bouncer had grabbed him. The enraged stripper grabbed his hands and pulled-out all his palm hairs!


Here’s your VIDEO: The candidate inspires with just three words!


TRIVIA ANSWER

Dan Blocker was approached to play Major "King" Kong in Stanley Kubrick's Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb (1964) but turned it down.
Why?

A: Because the film would be shot in black & white.

B: IT WAS TOO "PINKO"!

C: Schedule conflict with 'Bonanza.'
D: Wanted George C. Scott's role.
E: Wanted Peter Sellers' role.


Da Pagan Baby’s pet vulture has perched on the monitor. I think it's time for me to leave…





After spending years as a POW in Vietnam where he was supposedly tortured - John McCain flip-flops and votes against a bill prohibiting torture. How pathetic is that?


Jake Novak's Humor Blog
Terrorist Toast
The Hezbollah terrorist who plotted the 1983 U.S. Marine barracks bombing, the 1985 TWA hijacking, and the 1992 bombing of the Israel embassy in Argentina has died after his car exploded in Syria. Well, that's what happens when you take your work home with you.


Foreign Investment
Foreign investors bought a record $414 billion of U.S. assets in 2007. That's $14 billion in stocks and $400 billion worth of crap on eBay.


Hedge Fund Losses
A new report says that 75% of Wall Street hedge funds lost money in the markets last month. The other 25% lost money making campaign donations to Mitt Romney.


Rebate Checks
More than 130 million households will get tax rebate checks this summer as Congress is finally doing something for the nation’s financially-strapped liquor stores and check cashing parlors.


Comedian Argus Hamilton
John McCain was endorsed by Jeb Bush a day after President Bush praised John McCain as a real conservative. He'll be alright. If John McCain really did withstand torture from the North Vietnamese he should be able to survive an endorsement from the Bush Family.


President Bush discussed his daily routine as commander-in-chief in a Fox News interview last Sunday at the White House. He said every morning the first thing he does is take a look at that day's threat to America. Most people simply call it shaving.

 


Some suggested alternatives to the “c-word”:
“hoohoos”
“va-jay jays”
“bearded goblets”


More ARGUS
The Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show was held at Madison Square Garden this week. It draws a nice cable audience. The networks were about to buy the show and train the dogs to attack supermodels when news came from L.A. that the writers' strike had been settled.


Roger Clemens stopped by Capitol Hill to chat with lawmakers before his steroid hearing. He was a sensation. The only visitor who was ever recognized by more congressmen and staffers was Ron Jeremy, although only the Democrats admitted it.


Amy Winehouse won five Grammy Awards in Los Angeles last Sunday but she was denied a visa to enter the United States from Britain to perform on the show due to drug charges. She had to be beamed to the show via satellite. That's how high she was.


Amy Winehouse was the toast of the music industry when the Grammy Awards show in Los Angeles awarded the rehabbing British ballad singer a record-tying five Grammys in a single night. She was hugely excited. She thought she had won five grams. }}}rim shot!!{{{


Swiss police reported a major theft of classic paintings in Zurich Monday. Art can accurately label your personality just by your ancestry. Italians use art to glorify God, the French use art to glorify love and the British prefer self-portraits.


Paris Hilton's little brother was arrested for DUI Tuesday a month after Britney Spears' little sister got pregnant. It's dangerous when younger siblings recklessly seek attention. Last week police had to be called after Jeb Bush endorsed John McCain.


Letterman
Have you been watching the Roger Clemens congressional hearings? He denies being injected by his trainer. But what I thought was interesting was every time they mentioned “buttocks,” Sen. Larry Craig swooned.



LAW & ORDER - SVU's MARISKA HARGITAY

She's so HOTT!! Looking at her directly can cause retinal damage!

HUNKS FOR THE LADIES

ACTOR VIGGO MORTENSEN

A teenager is walking downtown and a girl whispers to him, "Blowjob, twenty dollars".

He gives her a strange look and keeps walking. Soon another girl does the same thing. Confused, he keeps walking. The first thing out of his mouth when he returned home was "Mom, what's a blowjob?".

His mom replies, "Twenty dollars, just like downtown!"


A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a case of beer, any kind except Schlitz. The bartender says, "What's wrong with Schlitz, don't you like it?"

The man says, "I hate that shit. Last night I drank a whole case of Schlitz and blew chunks.”

The bartender says, "You drink a case of ANY beer you're going to blow chunks".

"You don't understand," said the man, "Chunks is my dog!"


The angry wife met her husband at the door. There was alcohol on his breath and lipstick on his collar. "I assume," she snarled, "that there is a very good reason for you to come waltzing in here at six o'clock in the morning?"

"There shure ish," he replied. "Breakfasht."


A guy is riding the bus when the most beautiful woman he has ever seen gets on. The only problem is that she is a nun. He decides to approach her anyway. "Sister, you are the most beautiful woman I've ever seen and I must have sex with you," he says.

"I'm sorry but I've given my body to God," she replies and then leaves.

Suddenly the bus driver turns around to the guy and says, "I know a way you can get her in the sack."

The bus driver tells the guy about how the nun goes to confessional everyday at 3 in the afternoon. The bus driver tells the guy his plan and the guy leaves happy knowing he's going to get some. The next day at 3 the guy is in the booth dressed as a priest. When the nun approaches in the darkness he says, "Sister, God has told me I must have sex with you."

She replies, "Well if God has said it, we must do it. However because of my strong commitment to God I will only take it up the ass."

The guy figures this isn't a problem and proceeds to have the best sex ever. After it is over he whips off his outfit and says, "Surprise I'm the guy on the bus!"
With that the nun turns around and says, "Surprise I'm the bus driver!!"

'53 STUDEBAKER
V-8


Good fortune. COMMENT! Please spread the meme. Don’t smoke in bed…

P.O.E.T.S. - 020908 || MSNBC COMMENTATOR CALLS CHELSEA CLINTON A WHORE!, YOGI OVER THE RAINBOW, OBAMA's PEDDLING HOPE JUICE, STAR JONES LANDS JOB @ FAMILY DOLLAR, SEN. McLAME - A JOHNNY COUGAR FAN, TRICKLE-DOWN BUDGET, TRIVIA, JOKES, 'TOONS, SKIN...

 
 

                   February 9, 2ôô8

WISHING YOU A SAFE AND HAPPY VAENTINE'S DAY!

RANT, REV. - RANT!!

MSGOP?!?

MSNBC has a demonstrated bias against the Clintons since Bill was president. Chris “Tweety-Bird” Mathews has never been able to conceal his loathing for the former president and his wife. (SEE "Updated:Hillary vs. Tweety" )


Now David Schuster, who reports directly to Mathews, has stepped over a line with comments regarding Chelsea Clinton. Over the line? He calls her a whore!! HERE’S THE VIDEO!


DOES ANYONE THINK THAT MSNBC WOULD DARE TO AIR THE WORD “PIMP” IN THE SAME SENTENCE WITH “OBAMA” - THE CANDIDATE, HIS WIFE, MICHELLE, OR HIS DAUGHTERS? WOULD THERE NOT BE HELL TO PAY?!?

Or how’s this? (A “what if” scenario from BartCop.com):

DAVID SHUSTER: Bill, there's just something a little bit unseemly to me that Caroline Kennedy's out there calling up celebrities, saying support Obama, and she's apparently also calling these super delegates.

BILL PRESS: Hey, she's working for her candidate. What's unseemly about that? During the last campaign, the Bush twins were out working for their dad. I think it's great, she's grown up in a political family, she's got politics in her blood, she loves her candidate, she thinks he'd make a great president...

SHUSTER: But doesn't it seem like Caroline's sort of being pimped out in some way?


Donna Brazile, (D-Whiner) who is a super delegate, said she would quit the party if super delegates like herself decide this race. Yeah? Don’t let the door hit you in your big ass, Donna. GOSH! Isn't she still pledged to Al Gore?

 


President Bush told the anti-secularist and unconstitutional  National Prayer Breakfast Thursday about prayer and how it transformed his once-sinful life. It sounded forced. Normally Episcopalians believe that people shouldn't wear their religions on their sleeves, that area is reserved for cuff links.



FEBRUARY 12, 1809: Both Darwin and Lincoln were born!


Charles Robert Darwin (12 February 1809 – 19 April 1882) was an English naturalist. He would be 199. After becoming eminent among scientists for his field work and inquiries into geology, he proposed and provided scientific evidence that all species of life have evolved over time from one or a few common ancestors through the process of natural selection. The fact that evolution occurs became accepted by the scientific community and the general public in his lifetime, while his theory of natural selection came to be widely seen as the primary explanation of the process of evolution in the 1930s, and now forms the basis of modern evolutionary theory. In modified form, Darwin’s scientific discovery remains the foundation of biology, as it provides a unifying logical explanation for the diversity of life.


Abraham Lincoln (February 12, 1809 – April 15, 1865) was the sixteenth President of the United States, serving from March 4, 1861 until his assassination. He would be 199. As an outspoken opponent of the expansion of slavery in the United States, Lincoln won the Republican Party nomination in 1860 and was elected president later that year. During his term, he helped preserve the United States by leading the defeat of the secessionist Confederate States of America in the American Civil War. He introduced measures that resulted in the abolition of slavery, issuing his Emancipation Proclamation in 1863 and promoting the passage of the Thirteenth Amendment to the Constitution in 1865.


Sheryl Suzanne Crow (46) is an American blues rock singer, guitarist, bassist, songwriter and political activist. Her music blends country, pop, folk, and blues rock into one mainstream sound, and she has won ten Grammy Awards.


Da Pagan Baby had a birthday February 7. No, I can’t tell you which one…

 


Maharishi Mahesh Yogi (91) guru to the Beatles who introduced the West to transcendental meditation. Yogi began teaching TM in 1955 and brought the technique to the US in '59. But the movement really took off after the Beatles attended one of his lectures in 1967 and visited his ashram in India in '68, bringing along such famous friends as Donovan. Yogi died in Vlodrop, Netherlands on February 5, 2008.

Da Rev holds the Maharishi personally responsible for inflicting the Guru of Irrationality, DeePak Chopra on the world. Deepak was reported to be inconsolable, saying he had always meant to go back to the Maharishi’s assram, but had not been able to fit it into his busy schedule.

People visit a guru when they want to learn the meaning of life. I remember the time I visited the Maharishi Hashish Yogi in Springfield in the '80s. He offered to tell me the meaning of life if I would show him how to program his VCR. Thanx t' www.tomslake.com


My guru is Willie Nelson. Willie‘s advice? “Just be cool, Man.”
Willie’s devotees believe that if we’re cool that when we die we’ll all go to Willie’s house. And PARTY!

 


"The carpet sweeper is the biggest scam perpetrated on the American public since One Hour Martinizing."  [Cosmo Kramer]

"One of the great freedoms I have as a human being is to not be a grown up on certain days."
[Rash Limbo, on the days he has sex with little boys]


Good Morning America: Could you see yourself working to support Hillary Clinton should she win the nomination?

MICHELLE OBAMA: "I'd have to think about that. I'd have to think about that, her policies, her approach, her tone."

(Click on any image to ENLARGE it)


WELL HOWDY, REV’LERS!

You probably don’t recognize me without my cape...

I’m Rev. Art. Welcome to our crib in Metro Fairborn and THE STAND-UP! - Its like Lillith Fair - but with a lot less body hair.


PLEASE - join Da Rev & Da Pagan Baby in contributing to an all out effort to eradicate a horrific malady brought to our attention by Phyllis McGuire. I hope we can count on a check from everyone here this weekend for $500. or more for continuing research into “Red Plague”…

What Would Jesus Smell Like?

 
Star Jones- Reynolds hasn’t had much luck in the employment department over the past couple years, from famously getting dumped by Barbara Walters to recently having TruTV ax “The Star Jones Show” after only a six-month run. But wait…! No need to open your wallet and donate to the Star Jones Giuseppe Zanotti Stiletto Fund just yet. Thankfully, Star has landed on her feet with a new, glamorous position for which she must travel all over the country — and we were lucky enough to get the media coverage of her first day on the job:
STAR JONES-REYNOLDS AND HER HUSBAND AL HAVE A NEW GIG AT FAMILY DOLLAR STORES!


IT’S ONLY A RUMOR: The REAL reason Mitt Romney is dropping out of the presidential race is a glam video of him wearing culottes - leaping across the stage, singing selections from the Ethel Merman songbook. Somewhere there is footage of Hucklebuck carrying on sans-culottes…

How much is your rebate? I checked with H. & R. Block and they say a "typical" family of four will get $1,800. By way of clarification - a “typical” family of four is two women, a sperm donor, and a transgendered Labrador Retriever.

Some are resentful that the poor may get tax rebates even though they pay no taxes. To be fair, The Lotto is a tax on the poor.


TRIVIA QUESTION

Who was Vice-President under Lincoln from 1861 to 1865?
Trivia Answer @ the end of The Standup!


Jerry says he believes workplace sex makes him more productive on the job. But, Jer - aren’t you self-employed?!

Indeed, being self-employed means you get to rant online to anyone who will read it; chase yourself around the desk; and its cool not to have to get dressed. Da Rev wears a shorty robe while blogging.


That old batshit crazy Senator McLame is such a cock-eyed optimist - predicting U.S. troops will be in Iraq for 100 years. He thinks there will still be an Iraq in 100 years? Or, for that matter - a U.S.?


Since Super Tuesday Barack Obama has raised two dollars for every one that Hillary Clinton has. Senator Obama got an e-mail pledge from a Nigerian prince.


Did you see where Microsoft has offered $44 billion for Yahoo! That includes $ 3billion for the exclamation point!

Microsoft buying Yahoo is good news for all those computer users who think Yahoo could be improved by having it freeze-up three times a day… Thanx t' www.tomslake.com

Did you get the email about rat poop in the glue on envelopes - and on the top of every food or beverage can you open? How did I get to my mid-60s without that knowledge?


A Spider monkey and his baby are pictured at the National Zoo in Managua, Friday, Feb. 8, 2008.
[Photo by Esteban Felix]


TRIVIA ANSWER

Hannibal Hamlin was VP during Lincoln's first term (1861 – 1865) (Andrew Johnson was elected for Lincoln‘s second term and succeeded him after the president’s assassination in April, 1865.)


When in San Francisco, visit The Beats Museum. Or click HERE!

BOOMSHAKALAKALAKA! BOOMSHAKALAKALAKA! BOOMSHAKALAKALAK! BOOM! BOOM! YEAH!

 

 


 

 
Jake Novak's Humor Blog
McCain Solidifies Lead
From the Super Tuesday Republican primaries, we learned that McLame was most popular among Republicans concerned about terrorism, Romney grabbed the support of conservatives worried about higher taxes, and Huckabee won the battle for people who think they see the image of Jesus in their grilled cheese sandwich.

 
Comedian Argus Hamilton

Dick Cheney and John McLame spoke to the conservative conference in Washington Thursday. There was a lot of bad blood. John McLame had just said he wants to keep troops in Iraq for one hundred years and Dick Cheney took him to the woodshed for setting timetables.


John McLame aired new ads touting his national security platform. While others talk about the U.S. economy, he's running ads promising to continue the war. Nothing's scarier than a seventy-two-year-old man who's willing to die for his country.


The White House proposed a three-trillion-dollar federal budget to Congress on Tuesday. It doesn't take into account the cost of keeping U.S. troops in Iraq. Having Iraq as your ally is like having a brother-in-law with a gambling problem and no car.


Republican Party candidate Ron Paul got only five percent of the votes Tuesday for his message of less government, lower taxes, and following the Constitution. The American people have spoken. Five percent of the voters are for freedom, and ninety-five percent are for free stuff.


Iraq passed a law with U.S. approval letting Saddam Hussein's top officials back in power in Baghdad. It's a clever move. The thinking is, if we can put Iraq back the way it was, we can tiptoe out of there before anybody knows we've been there.

 
 


 

 
MORE Argus
Britney Spears was escorted from UCLA Hospital's psychiatric ward to the Beverly Hills Hotel Wednesday. It's so sad. The Writers Guild has so crippled Hollywood that the Beverly Hills Hotel is having to house mental patients to keep the doors open.

CLICK IT!

Thanx t' www.tomslake.com
John Cougar Mellencamp asked John McLame to stop using his song Our Country at rallies. It asks the government to help the poor.

The Senator said, "I thought it was by somebody named Johnny Cougar!"

He's just using John Mellencamp's music until Toby Keith records a song promising to stay in Iraq for one hundred years.


Wesley Snipes was found guilty of three misdemeanor charges of failure to file three federal tax returns. However, he was found not guilty of felony charges of defrauding the government. It was really smart of him to hire Halliburton's lawyers.

 

MODEL JOANNA KRUPA IS SO HOTT!!

She’s so HOTT!! I have to splash cold 1% milk in my eyes after gazing upon her…

HUNKS FOR THE LADIES


WAYNE STROUD

A deep-sea diver is twenty feet below sea level when he sees another guy with no scuba gear. He goes down another thirty feet, and the guy with no equipment stays with him. He takes out a waterproof chalkboard and writes, "How the hell can you stay down this deep without equipment?"

The guy takes the chalkboard and writes, "You asshole, I'm drowning!"


OUR FAVE DJ "JACKIE JACK" FINNAN

Little Red Riding Hood was on her way to see her grandmother in the forest. Her mother warned her "Don't walk through the forest, take the path, or else the Big Bad Wolf will catch you and suck your tits dry!"

Little Red started towards her grandmother's house but decided to take the shortcut through the forest anyway. The turtle stopped Little Red and warned her "Turn back and use the path, because if the Big Bad Wolf finds you, he'll suck your tits dry!"

Little Red was almost there, so she kept going through the forest. Sure enough, the Big Bad Wolf jumps out of nowhere and tells her "Take off your shirt Little Red Riding Hood - I'm gonna suck your tits dry!!".

"Oh no you don't", yells Little Red, as she pulls up her skirt, "You're gonna eat me just like the story says!"


SWEEEEET!! STORMY DANIELS!

Two guys are drinking at a bar. The first says "Do you ever start thinking about something, and when you go to talk, you say something you don't mean?"

The Second guy says "Yeah, I was at the airport buying plane tickets, and the chick behind the counter had these huge tits, and instead of asking her for 'two tickets to Pittsburgh' I asked for 'two tickets to Titsburgh'

The First guy says, "Yeah, well I was having breakfast with my wife last week, and instead of saying 'Honey can you please pass me the sugar?', I said 'You've ruined my life you FUCKING BITCH'


A police officer was patrolling the highway when he sees a guy tied up to a tree, crying. The officer stops and approaches the guy. "What's going on here?", he asks.

The guy sobs, "I was driving and picked up a hitchhiker. He pulled a gun on me, robbed me, took all my money, my clothes, my car and then tied me up."

The cop studied the guy for a moment, and then pulled down his pants and whipped out his dick. "I guess this isn't your lucky day, pal!"


A hunter kills a deer and brings it home. He decides to clean and serve the venison for supper. He knows his kids are fussy eaters, and won't eat it if they know what it is - so he does not tell them. His little boy keeps asking him, "What's for supper?"

"You'll see", says his dad.

They start eating supper and his daughter keeps asking what they're eating. "Ok," says her dad, "here's a hint, its what your mother sometimes calls me."

"We're eating asshole!!" she screams.

 

Good fortune. COMMENT! Please spread the meme. Don’t smoke in bed…

IT WAS ASH WEDNESDAY - 19 AND 49!

IT'S FEBRUARY - LET'S CONSIDER THE BLACK JESUS...

Remember JJ's "Lucky Black Jesus"?!

"African-American Atheism and the Appeal to Culture"
By Frances Parker, Black American Atheist
"First, let me state that African-American atheists are no different from atheists of any other racial or ethnic background. Most African-American atheists have read, studied, pondered and debated every angle concerning the existence of God. We have consciously decided to live without the counsel of bishops, reverends, evangelists, and deacons. To live in a culture that has a fondness for mysticism and considers critical thinking tools of Satan, can be a trial.

Second, anyone who lives without religion will undoubtedly, from time to time, come up against hostility and religious bigotry, which is almost always fueled by ignorance and misinformation.

...Imagine the events of the New Testament taking place instead, in the Jim Crow-era Deep South. Imagine, if you will, a young, 30-something Black man who speaks out against the injustices being suffered by his people. He is arrested by the authorities, questioned, beaten, and nailed to a piece of wood and left to hang until dead. I wonder if this could in fact the real cause of why some within the community have resisted portraying Jesus as a Black man in their churches. Would portraying the bloodied, beaten body of a Black man suffering on the cross finally reveal to Christians how truly vicious Christianity really is? The cognitive dissonance alone would probably force many to make unwelcome parallels between the plight of Jesus and the long, painful history of segregation."

P.O.E.T.S. - 020208 || PARANOIA IN THE LAST DAYS (OF BUSHCO), THE KENNEDY FACTOR, IT'S A BAD WEEK FOR MORMONS, SENATOR McLAME's WAR TALK EXPRESS, HUMOR, RON PAUL's RUNNING MATE - WES SNIPES? DON'T GOOGLE CHUCK NORRIS, 'TOONS, TRIVIA, POLITICS & SKIN

                  February 2, 2ôô8

The Patriots are NOT undefeated - in Arizona. You can read it on the NFL scoreboard and weep. How are The Patriots doing in Iraq, Afghanistan and the Mexican border? Bushco's keepin' THOSE scores...


GROUNDHOG DAY
Other countries don't use groundhogs to predict their weather. They prefer to use satellites and computers instead of a slimy, mud-covered, rabies-infected, half-blind rodent. Go figure. Thanx t' www.tomslake.com


The Clinton camp got a boost among the Irish-American voting bloc this week. The Irish Voice, an Irish-American newspaper, endorsed Sen. Hillary Clinton this week:

Of the two candidates we prefer Senator Clinton. Her record on issues of importance to the Irish American community is crystal clear. She was with her husband every step of the way during his intervention in the Irish peace process, without which there would never have been the successful resolution that we’re currently witnessing in Northern Ireland.

In her own right she played a significant role, visiting Ireland seven times and creating cross community goodwill which lasted long after her trips were over.

Clinton is also a clear advocate for immigration reform and attended three different rallies held by the Irish Lobby for Immigration Reform, and spoke passionately on the subject.

"Call Hillary 'establishment' all you want, but the establishment never had cleavage." [Gloria Feldt]


HOLY CRAP! Roseanne Barr has endorsed Obama… See “Quotes.”

                                    

         


OHIO COULD BE THE DECIDER!

TUESDAY, MARCH 4.

 

CARDINAL IN ST. LOUIS DIOCESE CALLS FOR COACH’S OUSTER
St. Louis University's just-hired basketball coach Rick Majerus told a reporter he's pro-choice, causing a firestorm. The Cardinal is apoplectic! It's a Catholic school and administrators feel betrayed. The only reason they took him in is because he looks twelve months pregnant.

HUCKLEBUCK AGAINST SEX!
Mike Huckabee is courting the evangelical voters. He drew cheers expressing his concern about the amount of sex on television. When will Republicans learn that sex on television can't hurt you unless you fall off.

Ayn Rand (Shown with the smoking instrument of her death), author, philosopher, Atheist Pin-Up, would be 103. Russian-born Alisa Zinov'yevna Rosenbaum. She is widely known for her best-selling novels The Fountainhead and Atlas Shrugged, and for developing a philosophical system she called Objectivism.


Langston Hughes, American poet, novelist, playwright, short story writer, and columnist would be 106. Hughes, an Atheist Pin-Up, is known for his work during the Harlem Renaissance.


Stuart Whitman (80) American actor: Those Magnificent Men In Their Flying Machines, Darby's Rangers, Ten North Frederick, The Sound and The Fury, The Story of Ruth, The Longest Day, Signpost to Murder, and The Sands of the Kalahari. He was nominated for an Academy Award for his portrayal of "The Mark" - the story of a man mistakenly convicted as a pedophile.


Del McCoury (69) is a multiple award winning singer-guitarist (Best Singer, Entertainer of the Year, IBMA).

Both as a unit and as individuals, the members of the Del McCoury Band have won more than 40 International Bluegrass Music Association (IBMA) awards since 1990, including eight entertainer trophies and eight mandolin trophies for Ronnie. Bub has won four IBMA awards for bass player, and Carter has won three for fiddle player. In addition, the band's version of Richard Thompson's "1952 Vincent Black Lightning" won their first IBMA song of the year award in 2002. McCoury joined the cast of the Grand Ole Opry in 2003.

THE ONE IN THE SONG - VINCENT BLACK LIGHTNING - 1952

This MAY be a Vincent Black Shadow. I've never seen a Shadow & a Lightnin' together...

MUST WATCH VIDEO:`Del McCoury Band performs "Vincent Black Lightning 1952". The biker outlaw as protagonist in a modern folk ballad (composed by Richard Thompson). DANGER: This performance is a KILLER!



Gordon B. Hinckley (97) president and prophet of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints who led Mormonism through a period of global expansion. Hinckley guided the Mormon Church into the 21st century by building more temples, traveling more miles, and moving Mormonism closer to the religious mainstream than any of his predecessors. He spent 46 years in the church's top leadership ranks, nearly 13 of those as its 15th president, and became its oldest president. He died in Salt Lake City, Utah on January 27, 2008. Presidential candidate Mitt Romney will attend. Everybody sing, "Put your shoulder to the wheel..."

Rev. Fred Phelps’s Westboro Baptist Marching and Hating Society planned to picket ‘cuz, apparently, they think Mormons do not sufficiently hate and shun homosexuals… Who donates all the money for these slugs’ travel expenses?!

AND an assemblage of evangelicals also planned to picket Hinckley the Prophet's funeral 'cuz, they say, Mormonism is a CULT! This may be a worthwhile message, but, of course, look who's deliverin' it. At any rate, it's too late to benefit poor ol' Gordon, so why picket his funeral? Write a book. Give an interview. Proselytize if you must, but leave the friends and family to grieve in peace!



"With all the corruption of Congress, some might think it resembles a jail break more than a massive retirement.” [Craig Shirley, Republican strategist, on House Republicans retiring in mass exodus]

"When Lip Service to Some Mysterious Deity Permits Bestiality on Wednesday and Absolution on Sundays, Cash Me Out." [Frank Sinatra]

"How will Obama handle his Jewish problem? He has to pander to the pro Zionist Jews of America and at the same time talk about dismantling support for Israel in order to appeal to his “progressive” followers. How he handles this one is very telling about his “judgment”. He just refused to condemn Israel for ghettoizing the Palestinians. Who is he really?" [Celeb Cow Roseanne Barr, in her blahg]


You remember Roseanne Barr - she was the celeb train wreck of the ‘80s when Britney and Lindsey were learning to sing, “do re mi fa sol la ti do” (THERE was a song!) BTW - Roseanne is an American Jew - and, according to her blahg - a kabbalist who has founded a kabballah center in Jerusalem. Why didn’t she build it in Gaza?

“Like if it was like a psychic thing and he was like, okay Rosanne, bring your best powers against my best powers, even though he's like totally world-wide connected, and I'm not so world-wide, I could so totally still win on account of like being female, being a grandmother and like, you know, being intelligent. I could totally win." [Roseanne Barr, who challenged Bush to a “mind contest”]

"Obama's campaign has been extraordinary and titillating for me and my family."
[Jimmy Carter - lusting in his heart - for the Illinois senator; he stopped short of an endorsement.]

(Click on any image to ENLARGE it)




WELL HOWDY, REV’LERS!

I'm Rev. Art:

I stand before ye's
In no ways thin
And not without sin
Most likely 3 sheets t' the wind...

I’m Rev. Art. Welcome to our crib in Metro Fairborn and THE STAND-UP! - Its like the situation room - only with padded walls…

PLEASE - join Da Rev & Da Pagan Baby in contributing to an all out effort to eradicate a horrific malady brought to our attention by Tyne Daly. I hope we can count on a check from everyone here this weekend for $500. or more for continuing research into “Cystic Blood and Confusion”…


LISTEN UP: Heckle at thy own peril!

By way of an update on the guy who pissed me off during The Stand-Up two weeks ago: You may recall I poured a bucket of golden oak deck and porch stain over him. He has died. It was a terrible ending, really - but a beautiful finish! …}}}rimshot!{{{…


Well - Sunday, it was the Patriots against the Giants. The 1/2 time show was Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers! We DVR'd a pair of recent public TV concerts from Gainesville, Petty’s home turf. He sings & plays the real deal - rock 'n' roll. And the good witch Stevie Nicks appeared in all her buxom beauty.

We always watch the Super Bowl - primarily for the entertaining commercials. If the Stillers aren't playing, we don't care much who wins.


FOX is charging Super Bowl advertisers three million dollars for a 30 second commercial. If companies are paying that much for TV ads - when I ran to the bathroom during a commercial break - I did the decent thing and left the bathroom door open so I could at least hear some of them. Thanx t’ www.tomslake.com

Have you ever noticed - every time there's a major disaster, there are experts on the subject EVERYWHERE?! What were those experts doing just before the disaster? Hmmm?
Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than for the U.S. Treasury.
(Note: This actually reversed in 2006, and now Monopoly money is worth more than US Dollars)

Did anybody watch the State of the Union speech? It was Generalissimo W. Bunnypants’ first speech of the post-Bush era. Well - we HOPE it’s the post-Bush era, and he’s not gonna declare an emergency and throw all the Dems and the Paul-tards in Gitmo!

 
I gotta admit it gave me a start somewhere in the beginning of the speech, when Bush said, "Tomorrow I'm going to issue an executive order…"

WHOA! I ripped my 1-20-09 T-shirt off in RECORD time!

Come the big round-up, I figure wherever you are in Cuba, in the Castro or Bush-occupied zones - there’s FREE healthcare - right?

Da Rev remains vigilant. Monkey-Boy’s minions haven’t crashed my blog or poisoned the cat - yet.


TRIVIA QUESTION

1) What was the first novel composed on a typewriter?

2) What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers, and laser printers all have in common?

The Answers are at the end of The Stand-Up…


In a survey: 89% said they've had a poor customer service experience in the past week. It's hard getting good service. Last night I ordered a pizza. I told the guy I wanted pepperoni on the left, sausage on the right. Sure enough - I got the exact opposite.
www.tomslake.com



A fool and his money - should have an eBay Account!
www.tomslake.com


TRIVIA ANSWERS

Tom Sawyer. (Author Mark Twain was an investor in the company that manufactured his early typewriter - which was not successful.)

What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers, and laser printers all have in common?

All were invented by women.

By the way - the reason so many of us don’t keep in touch with friends and family is because they don't have e-mail addresses!

Talk about chutzpah! Benito Giuliani blew through $50,000,000 of other people’s money and ended up with ONE delegate! Congressman Duncan Hunter has ONE delegate. He spent $35!



BTW - Give Duncan Hunter & Tancredo their props: there has been an apprehension of a known international terrorist crossing from Mexico into the US! He has red hair. Mmhmm, he's IRISH! (True.)


Let’s tally the Kennedy Factor. Teddy and Caroline endorsed Obama. That still carries a lot of weight - well, Teddy does.

But WAIT! Robert F. Kennedy, Jr. has endorsed Hillary. So, the Dean of the Senate and JFK’s daughter, an author who runs a non-profit org are supporting Obama; and RFK, professional political endorser who no longer does cocaine, has cut a video for Hillary… That’s what FAUX News would call “Fair & Balanced”.

Jake Novak's Humor Blog
Fed Decision
Ben Bernanke gave in to Wall Street pressure and cut interest rates another half point. But the markets didn’t respect him in the morning.


Rudy Ripped
After a disastrous showing in the Florida primary, Rudy Giuliani is dropped of the presidential race. But like most New Yorkers in Florida, he'll wait until May before heading back north.

While in Florida, Giuliani failed to win over the voters, wasted millions of campaign funds, and threw up while riding "Escape from Witch Mountain."


GDP Sags
New reports show the U.S.economy grew at an anemic 0.6% rate in the last three months of last year... sobering news for a country that must feed and employ 2.5 billion Chinese and Mexican workers.

CLICK it!!

Foreclosure Numbers
A new report says that more than 1% of all U.S. households are in some stage of foreclosure... the other 99% are only staying in their homes because they can't think of another place to put their flat-screen TV's.


New Plan
Senate Democrats are now demanding that the economic stimulus package include special payments to seniors on Social Security... so the money gets to at least some people who actually vote.

Comedian Argus Hamilton
The New York Post stunned its conservative readers Thursday by endorsing Barack Obama. The newspaper has a vested interest. They probably think a black Democratic nominee is a sure way to get John McCain elected president, and wars sell newspapers.


John McCain spoke in Los Angeles Thursday where he polls well among independent young voters. He actually shares some of their experiences. John McCain is so old that when he was a young man, Coca-Cola still had cocaine in the formula.


Caroline Kennedy endorsed Barack Obama and annointed him as the heir to John F. Kennedy's legacy. We'll have to wait and see. If Barack Obama's wife is not going to let him smoke, she's certainly not going to let him date Angie Dickinson.


Egypt protested when Palestinians dynamited holes in their border wall in Gaza. Tens of thousands of Palestinians flooded through the openings to go shopping in Egypt for needed goods. Mexico aired it live on the Fine Living channel.

 


Vampire actor Wesley Snipes has an “interesting” view of taxation. He’s been found guilty of three misdemeanors by a U.S. court for failing to file tax returns for three years. He could face up to three years in prison.

This is devastating to the Ron Paul campaign which was due to announce Wesley Snipes as Dr. Paul’s running mate!


Jesuitist-Catholic convert Arlo Guthrie, whose mum was Jewish, has endorsed the decidedly anti-Semitic Ron Paul for president. In the ‘70s Arlo burned flags to protest the war. Ahhh, it doesn’t take a lot of thought to make those celeb endorsements.


If you go to Google and type in "Find Chuck Norris" and press the "I'm Feeling Lucky" option... this is what pops up: "Google won't search for Chuck Norris because it knows you don't find Chuck Norris, he finds you." Cute.

More ARGUS
Southern California was lashed by driving rain and snowstorms in the mountains last week as high winds and flooding hit the valleys. Mudslides and avalanches followed the next day. Living in California is like being married to a beautiful woman who's always sick.


Mitt Romney cast off his formal look while campaigning in Miami in the Florida primary. He stood on stage in a traditional Cuban peasant shirt with the shirt tail hanging over his belt. It's the first time his wife has ever seen him without a tie.

 
Wall Street keeps veering between global market sell-offs and unexplained surges of 100s of points. Uncertainty permeates the stock exchange. Nobody knows which securities are backed by mortgages and which are backed by Super Bowl bets.


Tiger Woods was to tee it up Sunday in the final round of the Dubai Open, which is sponsored by the sheik of the United Arab Emirates. The game is right at home in the Middle East. Golf is like the Old Testament God, there are lots of rules and no mercy.





HAYDEN PANETTIERE

If cute were an ice cream truck - I would chase Hayden Panettiere down the street waving a dollar to sample her sweet goodies.

Hayden is a spokes grrrl for "Save the Whales-Again", an international conservation project that aims to re-ignite the passion of the earlier “Save the Whales” movement.

HUNKS FOR THE LADIES

WRESTLER
by Baudry

A husband comes home to find his wife with her suitcases packed in the living room. "Where the hell do you think you're going?" he says.

"I'm going to Las Vegas. You can earn $400 for a blow job there, and I figured that I might as well earn money for what I do to you free."

The husband thinks for a moment, goes upstairs, and comes back down, with his suitcase packed as well.
"Where do you think you going?" the wife asks.

"I'm coming with you...I want to see how you survive on $800 a year!!!"


Nikki Schieler

Mary had a little lamb,
she kept it in her back yard.
when she took her panties off
his wooly dick got hard.

Mary had a little lamb
it's fleece was black as coal,
and every time it jumped a fence
you could see it's pink asshole…


LI'L KIM

There was a young gypsy girl Rose
With obsessions for a gentleman’s hose
Up her pussy, in her rear,
In her mouth and in each ear
And her cute little freckle-tipped nose.


BIANCA BEAUCHAMP

Masturbation Song
You don't need to use a condom
You don't need a dental dam
You don't need to say "I Love You" or "Here's Fifty
Dollars, Ma'am."

Don't need to spring for dinner,
Or wear all that sexy stuff
All you need's a set of fingers and a wanker or a muff
'Cause everybody's doin' it, all across the land
Masturbators Of America, Give Yourselves A Hand!

It's natural, and organic
It's easy and it's fun
If you don't know how to do it ask your parents how it's done
You don't need a special license

You don't need a special skill
Just unzip and slip your grip between your hips and get a thrill
'Cause everybody's doin' it, and boy does it feel grand,
Masturbators of America, Give Yourselves a Hand!

(Musical bridge, with lots of suggestive dance moves on the
ROCKER'S part. For instance, he does that one bit where you
jump backwards on one leg while playing air guitar, except that
instead of playing air guitar he's stroking air wanker.)

You can do it in the bathroom
You can do it in your bed
You can do it at a concert while you watch the Grateful Dead
You can rub it with some lotion

You can stroke it with a cloth
Arnold Shwarzenegger pounds it, Michael Jackson jacks it off
Your attitude will soften, your horizons will expand.
Masturbators of America, Give Yourself a Hand



1940 LINCOLN

Good fortune. COMMENT! Please spread the meme. Don’t smoke in bed…