MINISTER OF RANTS

P.O.E.T.S. - 042608 || THE EFFICACY OF PRAYER, HILLARY HANDS BARRY HIS ASS! DEFINING GLOBALIZATION, T-BOZ & SICKLE CELL, SINGER KATE EARL, DICK QUEST, DORIS DAY & MICKEY MANTLE, ALICIA KEYS UNGLUED, FOOD & FUEL, VIDEOS! TRIVIA, JOKES, POLITICS & SKIN.

        April 26, 2ôô8

NAVIGATING THE FRINGE STREAM
- LISTING A BIT TO THE LEFT...









“Minister Of Rants” - the #1 blog for people who always win at Pocket Pool... its a difficult game, People.


Argus Hamilton says, “Barack Obama denied his comments marked him as an elitist, while Hillary denied being an elitist in Indiana. Who isn't an elitist anymore? We live in a country where you have to pay a hundred dollars a month to watch a TV series about John Adams.”

By the way - Barack Obama has sent me an e-mail saying that reading my blog has made him bitter…



Hillary's Speech
The highlight of Hillary Clinton's Pennsylvania victory speech was when she said: "I'm in this race to fight for you ... You know you can count on me to stand up strong for you every single day in the White House"...


Obama was unable to get enough of the white and female vote to win the primary. He was also hurt by thousands of his supporters in small towns who were too bitter to go to the polls.


Barack Obama remained upbeat Wednesday after his pummeling in Pennsylvania. He couldn't knock her out. After Hillary finished beating him Tuesday, the makers of Waterford crystal offered Obama ten million dollars for the naming rights to his jaw.


Media pundits continued to question Senator Obama’s ties to the volatile Rev. Wright and unrepentant Weather Underground anarchists who blew up police stations. Only Vitamin C attaches itself to more free floating radicals than Barack Obama does.


North Carolina Republicans ran a commercial Thursday showing Barack Obama with his pastor Jeremiah Wright. Then it shows the minister denouncing America. Barack Obama blasted Republicans for running the ad, John McCain asked Republicans to remove the ad, and Hillary denied doing sexual favors for North Carolina Republicans.


John McCain raised concerns about his candidacy when he reported raising only fifteen million dollars in March. He doesn't need to raise much money at this stage. It only costs him three dollars to eat if he gets to Denny's before five o'clock.


Hillary Clinton was endorsed last Sunday by former right wing nemesis and Pittsburgh newspaper owner Richard Mellon Scaife. It's pure self-interest. Ever since Bill Clinton moved out of the White House, newspaper circulation in America has been falling like a stone.





Giuliani Takes Communion
Jake Novak reports, “Former Mayor Rudolph Giuliani received Communion at the Papal mass at St. Patrick's Cathedral despite the fact that Giuliani has been divorced twice and favors abortion rights. The Church later clarified that it only bars Communion for Democrats who have been divorced twice and favor abortion rights.”


Argus Hamilton notes, “President Bush hosted a conference in New Orleans to show the city has recovered from Hurricane Katrina. The storm caused many to lose faith. It's hard to reconcile an Old Testament God who would destroy homes and churches and spare the French Quarter.”

T-Boz aka Tionne Tenese Watkins (38). As a child, Tionne was diagnosed with sickle-cell disease; her parents both have the homozygous recessive trait which 1 in 12 people of African American descent have. Since the age of seven, Watkins has been in and out of hospitals due to her sickle cell disease.


Watkins, and Lisa "Left-Eye" Lopes eventually joined with Rozonda "Chilli" Thomas, and the group was signed in 1991 as TLC, which would go on to become one of the most successful girl groups in history and sell over 45 million records worldwide. She is one of the founders of the group TLC and also shares lead singing duties along with Rozonda "Chilli" Thomas. In addition to her work in TLC, Watkins has done some solo recording, including the singles "Touch Myself" (1996) for the Fled soundtrack, and "My Getaway" (2000) from the Rugrats in Paris: The Movie soundtrack.


Princeton physicist Edward Lorenz, who fathered the chaos theory, died at ninety last week. His contended that a butterfly flapping its wings in Brazil could set off a tornado in Texas. Before we had global warming everything was the butterfly's fault.

“Mao more than ever.” [Dong Ki Kong, Chinese Interior Minister]

“For art to exist, for any sort of aesthetic activity to exist, a certain physiological precondition is indispensable—intoxication.”
[Friedrich Nietzsche]

“The secret of drunkenness is that it insulates us in thought, whilst it unites us in feeling.” [Ralph Waldo Emerson]


“What is the truest definition of Globalization?
Just take Princess Diana’s death: An English princess, with an Egyptian boyfriend, crashes in a French tunnel riding in a German car with a Dutch engine driven by a Belgian who was drunk on Scotch whiskey, followed closely by Italian Paparazzi on Japanese motorcycles. Then she was treated by an American doctor using Brazilian medicines.

This was sent to me by an American using Bill Gates’ Microsoft technology, which is developed and produced all over the world. You’re probably processing it on your computer run by Taiwanese microchips and viewing it on a Korean monitor assembled by Bangladeshi workers in a Singapore plant and transported by Indian lorry-drivers, hijacked by Indonesians, unloaded by Sicilian longshoremen, and trucked to you by Mexican illegals!

That, my friends, as Senator McLame would say, is Globalization at work.” Planet Proctor

(Click on any image to ENLARGE it)





I’m Rev. Art.


Welcome to our crib in Metro Fairborn and THE STAND-UP! - It’s like America's Funniest Home Videos without the golf ball in the nuts!


We are very pleased to share with you an exceptional original music composition from the band “Cautious Junkies” right after this important message:
PLEASE - join Da Rev & Da Pagan Baby in contributing to an all out effort to eradicate a horrific malady brought to our attention by Germaine Greer. I hope we can count on a check from everyone here this weekend for $500. or more for continuing research into “Memory Miasma”…


Drive carefully out there. There are people out there on the streets and highways who don't care that YOU are my favorite reader. In fact, if they knew you read my blog - they would try even harder to run you over. www.tomslake.com



A study shows people who are addicted to the Internet develop poor eating and health habits, insomnia, and bad personal hygiene. If you think you may be addicted to the Internet and you'd like to get help, you can learn more at www.internetaddiction.com
@ www.how_to_cure_your_online_addiction.com
Also @ www.addictiveinternetprevention.com
Help is also available at www.cyberhabitbreakerscom
and @ www.internetfixationcures.com
Also @ www.addictive_internet_users_anonymous.com
- and at www.curing_your_internet_addiction.com
Thanx t'  www.tomslake.com


A study shows meditation is very good for your health. I tried meditation. It was OK, I guess… apart from that thing where you have to sit still and be quiet and think. www.tomslake.com

AH, YES! THE EFFICACY OF PRAYER!



Just in time for -

“THE NATIONAL DAY OF PRAYER”  (Thursday, May 1) - why don’t we have a rational discussion concerning the efficacy of prayer. SURE! Like THAT’s ever gonna happen!


Does prayer relieve a headache?

Pharyngula
Placebo also works sometime, with or without prayer.

So does Tylenol.
Go figure.




Aspirin is the One True Pain Reliever!
The doctor told Mike: "Nothing works faster than aspirin."
So he took nothing.

Heroin works, every time.

Or orgasms... "Honey, I have a headache!"
"I have just the thing for it!" (AKA Dr. Art's Root Injection Therapy)


I envision a commercial for Aspro Clear...
A man and woman are in bed and the man is mixing up a some Aspro Clear in a glass of water.
Woman: What are you doing?
Man: I'm preparing a glass of Aspro Clear, that is, Aspirin that dissolves in water and can relieve mild muscular pain and headache when taken as directed.
Woman: Well, fine - but I don't have a headache…
Man: Excellent!
Woman's eyes widen!!!


Pain management has become an industry.

I hear amputation works.

Pity the poor stigmatic. Every time he tries to pop a pill for the pain it falls through the holes in his hands.

What you think you know may not be so. Here’s something I think I know. After insulin was invented, people could survive with diabetes. Before that, all the praying in the world didn't save people from dying within two or three years.

Down went the fundie, a headache was his fate
Down went the fundie, and then the fundie's mate
Up jumped the sky pilot, looking for some pills
And tried to heal himself, from all sorts of pains and ills, ... shouting...

Praise the Lord and pass the ibuprofen
Praise the Lord and pass the ibuprofen
Praise the Lord and pass the ibuprofen
And we're all pain free

Praise the Lord and pass the ibuprofen
Can't afford to sit around a-loafin'
Droppin' "g's", insertin' apostrophin'
No more pain for me

Praise the Lord and pass the ibuprofen
Praise the Lord and pass the ibuprofen
Praise the Lord and pass the ibuprofen
And we're all pain free…


Those St. Joseph's Cross kits must be sellin' like hot cakes - what with the sluggish house re-sale market and tumbling prices! You buy the St. Joseph's cross, bury it in the front yard, and voila! your house sells!

The online anecdotal evidence is there. There are no accounts of houses that failed to sell even with the St. Joe thingy buried on the premises. So, there ya go!


There are three possible answers for any prayer: Yes, No, and Wait.
No matter what happens, prayer has intervened...

To sum up - The ways of God are mysteriously indistinguishable from random chance...


Office clerk: Wait, this doesn't look right.
Manager: It has to be right -it's highlighted.
Office clerk: Maybe someone highlighted the wrong thing, because that's not right.
Manager: I highlighted it.
Office clerk: Well, I think it may be wrong.
Manager: It can't be wrong. It's highlighted.



A farmer purchases an old, run-down, abandoned farm with plans to turn it into a thriving enterprise. The fields are grown over with weeds, the farmhouse is falling apart, and the fences are collapsing all around. During his first day of work, the town preacher stops by to bless the man's work, saying, "May you and The Lord work together to make this the farm of your dreams!"

A few months later, the preacher stops by again to call on the farmer. Lo and behold, it's like a completely different place - the farm house is completely rebuilt and in excellent condition, there is plenty of cattle and other livestock happily munching on feed in well-fenced pens, and the fields are filled with crops planted in neat rows. "Amazing!" the preacher says. "Look what The Lord and you have accomplished together!"

"Yes, Reverend," says the farmer, "but remember what the farm was like when The Lord was working it alone!"

FatWonderWoman

TRIVIA QUESTION
Who provided the voice of the animated cartoon character Underdog on "Underdog" (1964-1973)?

A. Wally Cox
B: Bill Cullen
C: Bob Newhart
D: Pat Paulsen
E: Tom Poston

TRIVIA ANSWER at the end of The Stand-Up!


An albino kangaroo named Milka clings to his mother at a zoo in Tashkent, the capital of Uzbekistan, Saturday, April 26, 2008. The cub was born 3 and a half months ago, but the zoologists have not examined it to determine its sex fearing they will harm the fragile kangaroo.

TRIVIA ANSWER

Who provided the voice of the animated cartoon character Underdog on "Underdog" (1964-1973)?

A: WALLY COX
B: Bill Cullen
C: Bob Newhart
D: Pat Paulsen
E: Tom Poston

TRIVIA BONUS: In the early years of their careers, Wally Cox and Marlon Brando were room mates…


Here’s your VIDEO: Classic Underdog Cartoon Intro

Wally Cox as “Mister Peepers” VIDEO

BREAKING!!! KATE EARL - She’s from Alaska. She’s ½ Fillipina & ½ Caucasian.





WONKETTE


The Feds threw the book at American cinema/tax hero Wesley Snipes! Three Years for just evading income taxes and escaping to Africa.
FREE WESLEY SNIPES!!
WHY HASN’T RON PAUL HELPED THIS BLACK VAMPIRE TAX HERO?!


Jake Novak's Comdey Corner
Sharpton Threat
Al Sharpton is vowing to "shut down the city," after three New York City police officers were acquitted in the shooting of Sean Bell. Sharpton has a point: when a drunken man can't ram his car into police officers after being at a strip club until 4am on his wedding day... well, what CAN a person do in America anymore?


Commander Demoted
Israel has demoted a battalion commander because too many civilians died during an April 9th terrorist raid in Gaza. Meanwhile, Hamas has demoted one of its battalion commander after too few civilians died during an April 9th terrorist raid in Gaza.


Comedian Argus Hamilton
The King of Jordan met with President Bush to discuss his Middle East peace concerns. He need not worry. The king and his late father have been lifelong friends of the United States, so we would never try to bring democracy to Jordan.


Al-Qaeda's second-in-command Ayman al-Zawahiri blasted Palestinian terror group Hamas for meeting with Jimmy Carter and telling him they might agree to recognize Israel. You can't make it up. In one meeting Jimmy Carter ticked off both Al-Qaeda and the Bush administration, proving again that he can bring people together.


The White House secretly briefed congressmen about its concerns that North Korea built a nuclear plant in Syria. It's no secret. You can see what the Israeli air force did to the plant six months ago if you Google the word smithereens.


President Bush made a video appearance on Deal or No Deal last week to root on an Army captain who ended up winning eighty thousand bucks. It's the president's new policy on improving veterans' benefits. He puts them on game shows and wishes them luck.







Songstress Alicia Keys has called gangsta rap a gummint conspiracy.
Ah, yes. I see the deft, but invisible, hand of MC Rove in this…


MORE from Jake
Verhoeven Slams Jesus
Film director Paul Verhoeven has written a book suggesting that Jesus was fathered by a Roman soldier who raped Mary. Of course, Verhoeven has nothing to fear unless the book also contains cartoons of Mohammed.


MORE from Argus
U.S. Judge David Doty denied the NFL's motion to force Michael Vick to give back his sixteen million dollar signing bonus. Something isn't right. Michael Vick is in prison for arranging vicious dogfights while Howard Dean walks the streets a free man.


Jose Canseco was questioned by federal investigators about his latest charges in a new book. So far he's been right about everything. Federal investigators want to ask Jose Canseco if Iran is making weapons-grade uranium or just developing nuclear power.


Doris Day's new biography tells of her love affair with Mickey Mantle. They would meet at his St. Regis Hotel suite. Alex Rodriguez just learned that real New York Yankee stars don't go to strip joints, they have Doris Day brought to their room.


CNN anchor Richard Quest (Do they call “Dick Quest”?) was arrested in Central Park last Friday with a rope tied around his neck and genitals. His bosses at CNN were alarmed. If Larry King tried that with his suspenders they could lose a valuable host when the blue pill kicked in.


CNN anchor Richard Quest was arrested in Central Park. Police say he was wearing a single rope tied around his neck and genitals. Ever since Luciano Pavarotti died, the competition has been fierce for the title of World's Greatest Tenor.


Prince William caused an uproar last week by landing his air force helicopter in his girlfriend's yard. Tabloids headlined the swashbuckling stunt. He could have been our king too, but thanks to John Adams all we get is Jenna Bush releasing a children's book.









VICKIE
is funnier than a clown having revenge sex with a mime.



JANET is a fan from Ghana

A man is running along and falls off a cliff - I don't know why he falls off a cliff, he just does, OK?
As he's falling he manages to grab onto a tree about 15 feet down, growing out from the side of the cliff. Now he's hanging there and he looks down and sees this 200 feet drop below him, but he knows he's only 15 feet from the top of cliff. Looking up he cries out for help, "Is there anybody up there?"

Much to his surprise he is heard. A voice replies which can only be that of the lord (the reverb has been turned up and there's too much bass), "Let... go..."

The man looks down at the 200 feet drop, and then looking up once more, cries out, "Is there anybody else up there?"

HUNKS FOR THE LADIES


THE GREATEST PORN STAR EVER: RON JEREMY

A fellow from the city was driving through the country one day when he came upon a quaint farmhouse alongside of the road - and there was even a farmer standing out front. So the city boy decided to stop and talk to the farmer. "Good morning, sir," he said, "I was driving by, admiring the country, 'cause I'm a city boy, and I couldn't help but notice that you have a field full of cows on your farm. Now I've lived in the city all my life and I've never tried any fresh country milk. If it's all right with you, I'd like to try some fresh country milk from your cows."

The farmer replied, "Son, those are bulls! You don't get milk from bulls!!"
And the city boy said, "But I won't hurt your cows. All I want to do is to try some fresh country milk."

The farmer had to try again, "Son, those are BULLS!! You don't get milk from BULLS!!!"
But the city boy persisted, "Really, I won't hurt your COWS! I just want to try some fresh country milk!!"

So the farmer reluctantly gave in, "Son, knock yourself out."

In a half an hour the city boy returned from the fields carrying a pail of fresh country milk. The farmer scratched his head and started to speak, but the city boy jumped in with, "You know, while I was out in the field getting this lovely fresh country milk, I saw a fence covered with honeysuckles. And you know, I've been city boy all my life and I've never had any fresh country honey. If it's all right with you, I'd like to try some fresh country honey from your honeysuckles."

And the farmer replied, "Son, honeysuckles are flowers. You get honey from bees."
But the city boy persisted, "I won't hurt your flowers. I just want to try some fresh country honey."

So the farmer tried again, "Son, honey comes from BEES!"
But the city boy was adamant, "Really, I won't hurt your FLOWERS! I just want to try some fresh country honey!!"

And the farmer reluctantly gave in again, "Son, be my guest."

In a half an hour the city boy boy returned with 2 mason jars full of honey. The farmer scratched his head harder than before and started to speak. Just then the city boy said, "You know, I'm a city boy - been a city boy all my life. Now while I was out getting some of that fresh country honey, I noticed that you have a field full of pussy willows ..."

"Son," interrupted the farmer, "let me get my hat."


Symptom : Drinking fails to give satisfaction and taste; shirt front is wet.
Fault : Mouth not open when drinking or glass being applied to wrong part of face.
Solution : Buy another pint and practice in front of a mirror. Continue with as many pints as necessary until drinking technique is perfect.


Symptom : Bar blurred.
Fault : You are looking through the bottom of your empty glass.
Solution : Find someone who will buy you another pint.
Symptom : Bar moving.
Fault : You are being carried out.
Solution : Find out if you are being taken to another bar - if not complain loudly that you are being hi-jacked.



Desperate for work, Paul decides to accept a job offer mining deep in Alaska. After a long journey he arrives at the mining camp, 200 miles from civilization. The camp is small, with only a handful of miners. He promptly meets up with the manager, and asks what his duties are.

"First, you work six days of the week, every day except Saturday. Your primary duty is to help clear out the rubble, and dump it into the rock quarry down the road. The work isn't easy, but you will get used to it. Also, you are on KP duty on Friday nights."

Morning comes, and Paul goes to work. The work is hard, but he is strong enough that it isn't a real problem. However, by the time Thursday comes around, Paul is feeling kind of lonely. With the nearest women 200 miles away, he can't imagine how the other miners endure from day to day. So, he approaches the manager.
"What do you want?" asks the manager.
"Well, the work itself is fine, and I have no complaints about it, but ... well sir, I wonder what the other miners do for women around here?"

"Ah. Say no more. Let me show you something."

The manager leads Paul into the mine, and turns down an unfamiliar passage. He continues on deeper into the mine into older and older tunnels until he finally stops at the end of a tunnel which must be well over a hundred years old. At the end is a barrel.

The manager says: "The other miners use this."
"What?"
"Well, you see that knot hole? Try it out."

Paul is decidedly skeptical about the idea, but he is desperate, so he gives it a shot. He absolutely can't believe the results. He practically busts a nut--the best damned blow job he's ever gotten.

Well, Friday comes around, and the work is getting him down, so he goes back to the barrel to try it again. Wow! This time the blow job is even better than last time. Truly unbelievable!

So, after a long day, and KP duty that night, Paul sleeps in on Saturday. He gets up at 11 and really feels great. He can't think of much to do, so he heads off to visit the barrel. On his way to the mine, he bumps into the manager, who asks him:
"What are you doing here?"

"It's my day off ..."

"Day off? Hell no! It's your turn in the barrel."

 
A woman was driving through the countryside late at night when her car broke down. Not knowing anything about cars, she started to walk. A mile down the road, she came to an old country farmhouse and knocked on the door until two young men came out.

"Kin we help ya, miss?"

"Yes, my car broke down about mile back. I wonder if you could drive me to the nearest town so I can get a tow truck?"

"Well, now, the town's all shut up right now and don't open back up until tomorrow mornin'. But ah'll tell ya what, miss, mah brother here an ah'll tow yer car over to the farmhouse and you kin spend the night here with us."

The woman thought, "Well, I really don't have a choice. Besides, I can handle myself," so she agreed.

After the two brothers towed her car back to the farmhouse, and they were getting ready for bed, the first one said, "Yah know, miss, we only got one bed in this here house, so ah'm afraid ya'll have ta sleep with us."

The woman thought about it, and consented. As they were taking their clothes off, the woman said, "By the way, you DO have protection, don't you?"
"Protection? What's that?"
"You know, condoms."
"Well, what're they for?"
"It's so I don't get pregnant."

"We're simple country folk, miss. Ah'm afraid we don't know about those things."
"Well, it just so happens that I have two here in my purse. Here, put them on."
"Hmm... well, all right."

The three of them got into bed and did their thing all night. The next morning, the brothers drove the woman into town, where she got her car repaired and drove off. About a month later, the two brothers were sitting out on their porch watching the sun set, when the first one said, "Hey, d'ya remember that lady that drove through here about a month ago?"

"Yep. She was real good, wasn't she."
"Yep. Say, do you care if she gets pregnant?"
"Nope."
"Well, then, let's take these durn things off!"




'60 IMPERIAL

Good fortune. COMMENT! Please spread the meme. Don’t smoke in bed…

P.O.E.T.S. - THE FOUR-TWENTY EDITION || PARTY WITH MARY JANE! OBAMESSIAH CAN'T CLOSE THE SALE, SENATOR McLAME - JUST A GIGOLO, SHECKY'S SEDER, 4 QUESTIONS, MORE QUESTIONS, POPE RATSO OF THE RED PRADA LOAFERS, TRIVIA, POLITICS & SKIN, JEWISH JOKES, TOONS

April 19, 2ôô8

NAVIGATING THE FRINGE STREAM
- LISTING A BIT TO THE LEFT...



MINISTER OF RANTS IS 420-FRIENDLY!
4:20 or 4/20 (pronounced four-twenty) is a term used in North America as a discreet way to refer to the consumption of cannabis and, by extension, a way to identify oneself with the drug subculture around cannabis. Phrases such as "420 friendly" sometimes appear in roommate advertisements, indicating that the current occupants are tolerant of cannabis users.

Attention Government Subversives and other Fascist Bastards:

This time, YOU read the fine print. You are not welcome here. You are loathsome parasites, and we sincerely hope your legs grow together - individually or collectively.

Get a real job doing something productive, or take a leave-of-absence to educate yourselves about freedom, individual rights and keeping your nose out of other peoples' business. You will be the first with your backs against the wall when the revolution comes.

Kindly piss off. Your mama.

Regards,
Da Rev

6 FT
8 FT
10 FT BUNCH!

Hillary Clinton was endorsed by the Plasterers Union Tuesday. Support law and order, you get the Police Union, support tariffs, you get the autoworkers. Drink a shot and a beer on camera, and you are the national spokesman for getting plastered.

 
Hillary Clinton accused Barack Obama of elitism as she downed a shot of Crown Royal in an Indiana bar last Saturday. She meant well. Leave it to Hillary to order a super premium Canadian whiskey to show her solidarity with America's working class.





Hillary Clinton spent last weekend in an Indiana bar drinking beer and shots of whiskey and telling everybody how her father taught her how to shoot. She refused to say when she last fired a gun - but the Secret Service kept wrestling it out of her hand.


Barack Obama told a San Francisco crowd small-town Americans turn to guns and religion when they're bitter. No one in the room thought there was anything wrong with what he said. This is why San Francisco comedians can't get work outside San Francisco.


Pfizer is celebrating the tenth anniversary of the Viagra pill. It allows older men to have sex whenever they want. (It‘s the “crack cocaine” of the retirement center set) Hillary Clinton's campaign aides argued all day over whether to hail this as one of her husband's accomplishments as president.


"The reason all this has stuck to Obama like tar paper is that it plays into a narrative - the notion that he's a snooty, head-in-the-clouds liberal who can't relate to Joe Sixpack.

Obama streaked onto the national stage in such a way that we feel like we don't really know him. Yes, he's been interviewed hundreds of times and participated in more than 20 debates, but what is he like behind the ultra-confident demeanor? Hillary and McCain have long-established personas; Obama does not. And that is one reason this story won't die."
[Media Whore-Critic Howie Kurtz]
(Did he think it through before leaping upon that “tar paper” analogy?)


"Geraldine Ferraro said it right. The problem is, Geraldine Ferraro is white.
(The Obama campaign) has such a hair-trigger on anything racial it is almost impossible for anybody to say anything."
[Bob Johnson founder of Black Entertainment Television]


A Question for The Obamessiah:
Tony Rezko has been accused of numerous financial illicit dealings. You have claimed that you did no political or personal favors for Rezko. Yet as an Illinois state legislator you wrote endorsement letters to government agencies on his behalf, as well as having conducted other documented financial transactions and dealings and with him. Could you explain in more detail your relationship with this crook? BartCop.com




Sen. Joe Lieberman (I-Kissyface), the Democratic’s 2000 VP nominee, may blow Sen. John McCain (Ariz.) at the Republican National Convention in September!

Republicans close to the McCain campaign say Lieberman’s appearance at the convention, possibly before a national primetime audience, could help make the case that the warmonger has a record of crossing the aisle. That could appeal to much-needed independent voters.

   
McCain has yet to ask Lieberman to blow him, either in primetime or elsewhere, at the convention. But if McCain thinks it will help make his case for the White House, as some of his allies suspect, Lieberman would be willing to speak on his behalf.

“If Sen. McCain asks me to blow him on live TV, I will,” Lieberman said in a brief interview. BartCop.com


Republicans won’t have to caricature him as a condescending snob who looks down on working stiffs. He’s already done it to himself. Sheltered, cosseted and treated as a wonder of nature most of his life, Obama’s never run against a tough opponent, and it’s showing…

(Hillary) might try pointing out that it was working-class Democrats Obama insulted. Also, that far from falling during the Clinton administration, employment in Pennsylvania rose by more than 500, 000 jobs between 1993 and 2000 while unemployment dropped from 7. 3 to 4. 1 percent. That’s the perfectly rational reason that many cling to her candidacy. [Gene Lyons]

Barack Obama caused a firestorm by saying people in America instinctively turn to guns and religion whenever they are bitter. Who briefed this guy? Americans turn to guns and religion whenever they want to - BECAUSE THEY CAN! What about AMERICA doesn’t the young Senator from Illinois understand?


Jake Novak's Comedy Store
Pope's Birthday
Pope Benedict XVI turned 81 this week.. It's lucky that he was in the United States for his birthday, because he qualified for that free breakfast at Denny's.


Pope on Sex Abuse
Pope Benedict XVI says the U.S. clergy sexual abuse scandal caused him "great suffering"... the Italian victims, on the other hand, "had it coming."
World War Two pilots held a reunion in Washington D.C. last week and were honored for bombing Nazi Germany. Small world… Ahem, Pope Benedict, who also hit town last week, was an anti-aircraft gunner for the NAZIs in Germany.


Comedian Argus Hamilton
Pope Benedict preached at a worship service at Yankee Stadium in New York City Saturday before he conducted a high mass. Over fifty thousand worshippers were in attendance. All denominations were welcomed, but fifties and hundreds were encouraged.


Pope Benedict tried to heal a breach with Muslims, Hindus, Sikhs and Buddhists at a meeting Thursday. A past comment he made insulted and alienated them. Normally to anger that many religions with one remark you would have to criticize Barack Obama.


Pope Benedict was cheered by thousands of Roman Catholics Wednesday during his parade in Washington. He faces problems that require his prayers. The church has to sell off real estate to pay the sexual abuse claims and the market's still tanking.
http://www.bartcop.com/
www.tomslake.com





Jessica Phyllis Lange (59) is an American stage and screen actress who, among many other accolades, has two Academy Awards and four Golden Globe Awards to her credit. In 1976, Dino De Laurentiis cast her in his motion picture remake King Kong… critics took notice when she made an impressive turn in Bob Rafelson's remake of The Postman Always Rings Twice (1981).

Her performance in her next film, Frances (1982), in which she portrayed actress Frances Farmer, was highly lauded and earned her a nomination for Academy Award for Best Actress. She received two nominations that year, the other as Supporting Actress in the comedy Tootsie (1982), for which she won. She continued giving impressive performances through the 80s and 90s in films such as Sweet Dreams (1984) (playing country/western singer Patsy Cline), Music Box (1989), Men Don't Leave (1990), and Blue Sky (1994) for which she won the Best Actress Academy Award. http://www.wikipedia.org/


Actress Maria Bello (41). Her breakthrough came when producers Kerry Lenhart and John J. Sakmar cast her as Mrs. Smith in the spy show Mr. & Mrs. Smith (1996). Then came a guest stint on ER as the feisty pediatrician Dr. Anna Del Amico, in which she guest-starred in the final four episodes of the third season. The show's producers were so impressed with her that they asked her back as a regular on the series. Bello remained on the show for one season, departing after the medical drama's 4th season. The actress went on into movies landing a role in Coyote Ugly. She has been nominated for the Golden Globe award twice: for Best Supporting Actress in The Cooler (2003) and for Best Actress in A History of Violence (2005). http://www.wikipedia.org/




Massachusetts Institute of Technology professor Edward Lorenz died on Tuesday at home at the age of ninety. He became famous as the father of chaos theory. All flags at the U.S. State Department will fly at half-staff for the next thirty days.


Further Homage to Actor Charlton Heston

Who was not impacted when he acted in El Cid?
Put a dead man on a horse is what they did
Who was it that farted when he parted the Red Sea?
Several thousand years have passed, it wasn't me

He will have to find some other contrabands
They finally got the gun out of his cold dead hands
You could hear sighs of relief in foreign lands
They finally got the gun out of his cold dead hands
Who forgot the tracking shot from Touch of Evil?
Who convinced the Jews to start a big upheaval?
Where were you when Pharaoh threw a hissy fit?
Too much time in Peking is the gist of it

He is like Sinatra when he played the Sands
They finally got the gun out of his cold dead hands
So, now is he with someone who understands?
They finally got the gun out of his cold dead hands
Who the hell began it in the Planet of the Apes?
Why is Soylent Green the color of the drapes?
Are you sure it was Ben Hur who won the race?
Who they gonna get to ever take his place?

He will have to find some other contrabands
They finally got the gun out of his cold dead hands
You could hear sighs of relief in foreign lands
They finally got the gun out of his cold dead hands
They finally got the gun
They finally got the gun
They finally got the gun out of his cold dead hands

"Thank you, Your Holiness. Awesome speech." - [Monkey-Boy, to the Pope]



"Wow, shocker of the week: Hillary pandering. Meanwhile Obama is bonding with the limousine liberals of San Francisco and feeding them the hick hate they expect to hear. This candidate of change thought he was away from the media so he could just tell a little truth as he saw it. He was wrong."
[Steve Shlafer, who must be a racist to say such things]

Speaking of jobs leaving - did you know Hershey's Chocolate is moving to Mexico?
That's just wrong... BartCop

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I’m Rev. Art. Welcome to our crib in Metro Fairborn and THE STAND-UP! - It’s like 

Lillith Fair, but with less body hair.

We are very pleased to share with you an exceptional original music composition from the band “Stoned Still Ugly ” right after this important message:
PLEASE - join Da Rev & Da Pagan Baby in contributing to an all out effort to eradicate a horrific malady brought to our attention by Jaye P. Morgan. I hope we can count on a check from everyone here this weekend for $500. or more for continuing research into “Bronze Itch & Cairn Sweats”…

Happy Whatever Jewish Holiday It Is!
We’ve got Shecky here to perform a guest Stand-Up!

Forgive me, I’m a goy. I don’t understand Passover very well…

So - let me get this straight - you commemorate your people's freedom from 210 years of slavery by rushing through a 30-minute Seder?

I think I'd rather be enslaved to a sadistic Egyptian Pharaoh than temporarily give up anything leavened.

Please help me understand how boils and locusts are plagues but bread that tastes like cardboard isn't.

I'm fairly certain that gefilte fish is what makes people afraid of Jews.

Ladies & Genitals - I take great pleasure. Yes, I do.
Oh, yes - I’m also happy to introduce - The Pride from the West Side of New York City - It’s SHECKY!! It’s the Sound of One Jew Kvetching!

Thank you. Thanks for the warm welcome. Murmuring - that IS welcoming, I hope!

I just came from Seder - or, as I like to call it - Lean Cuisine. It was at a hotel in Dayton. Aruvika swore they were Kosher - but I doubt it.

What fish did they serve at the seder? Codesh & Carpas - described on the menu as, “fresh fish-cakes set in a light citrus tartar sauce…”

I asked for Marror - they brought me an old tabasco bottle…

Aruvika asked, “May I ask the 4 Questions?”

I said, “Sure. What’s the SECOND one?

I offered my Magic Eight Ball to answer the 4 Questions…

Each time the word "Egypt" was mentioned me and my Bubbe did a shot of Manishevitz. Then we demanded LATKES!

The Maitre’d asked the FIFTH Question - "Do you want to charge this to your room?"

You know - the Mortgage Crisis started on Passover due to too much leaning.

After the plagues the farms in Egypt were basically all de-calfinated.

Just when you think, “Life’s a bitch” - it has puppies!

When I attended Yeshiva University our new rowing team was the embarrassment of the entire sports department (which also wasn't so hot!)
We not only finished dead last in every competition, but consistently crossed the finish line many minutes, even hours, after their opponents.

Finally, we sent Goldfarb to spy on the top-rated Harvard Crew team, in the hopes of gaining some helpful insight. Lurking in the Cambridge boathouse, he watched the team practice in the Charles River. For an entire week he observed their methods.

Goldfarb returned to New York, where we, his team mates, gathered anxiously to hear his information.

"I figured out their secret!" he told us.

"Nu!? Tell us! Tell us!" we demanded, impatiently.

"They have eight guys rowing," he pronounced, authoritively - and only ONE guy yelling!!"

I read one of Warren Buffett’s books. I think if I were Warren Buffett - I’d be even richer than Warren Buffett. - because, for one thing - I’d do a little teaching on the side…

My wife Sylvia and I have been staying at our fancy digs in Boca. The other night, we were on their way out to dinner, when Sylvia comes into the living room and asks, "Darling, do you think this Chanel suit is OK, or should I wear my beaded Oscar de la Renta dress?"
"Wear whatever you like, darling. You look lovely in either."

Ten minutes later, she's back. "Should I wear my diamond earrings or the emerald and sapphire ones you bought me for my birthday?"

"Either one," I says with growing impatience.

Soon she's back, modeling shoes. "Should I wear these Gucci sandals or the Ferragamos?"

"Enough already!" I yelled. "If you don't get your act together right now, we're going to miss the Early Bird Special!"

Poor Lipkowitz, my Bubbe’s brother, was hit by a crosstown bus, and lay in the middle of 57th Street, bruised and bleeding. Pedestrians ran to assist him. A kind woman took off her sweater, rolled it up and gently laid it under his head.

"Are you comfortable?" she asked.

Lipkowitz shrugged, "I make a living."

My friends - remember: If you and all your neighbors lay all of your problems on your respective front lawns, you'd look them all over, and end up taking back your own.

Mahzeltov! We’ll bring back Da Rev now...

Da Rev - he thinks Mahzeltoz is a COCKTAIL!

TRIVIA QUESTION


The movie Forbidden Planet (1956) was based on which play by Shakespeare?

A: Hamlet
B: King Lear
C: Romeo & Juliet
D: The Tempest
E: Troilus & Cressida

TRIVIA ANSWER at the end of The Stand-Up!

Here’s your VIDEO: “African Girl” NAYO… OMG - she’s GORGEOUS! Her voice ETHEREAL! I haven’t seen a vocalist video this sensuous since like forever! NAYO (pronounced Nigh-O) jumps out from within the Yoruba name of Temitope Odunayo Abidoye, born in Lagos, Nigeria and singing from day one.
CAFFE NERO = CAFFE NAYO:
Do you reside in the UK, Ireland or Istanbul? If so, you’ll be familiar with Caffe Nero, UK’s 3rd largest coffee chain. Caffe Nero patrons absolutely love NAYO’s new album and the chain has decided to include a selection of the album in all of its stores. So next time you pass by a Caffe Nero, feel free to drop by sip some coffee and enjoy NAYO.

The Wild Parrots of Telegraph Hill

TRIVIA ANSWER

The movie Forbidden Planet (1956) was based on which play by Shakespeare?

A: Hamlet
B: King Lear
C: Romeo & Juliet
D: THE TEMPEST
E: Troilus & Cressida

The Tempest was a tale about stranded passengers of an ancient shipwreck, and Forbidden Planet was about stranded space ships that were assaulted. Was Robby the Robot “Ariel”? It is said to have been the film that inspired Gene Roddenberry to create “Star Trek”… Supreme Chaos


ADL Brings Class-Action suit against Republican, Democratic Parties
In a well-attended press conference at The Prime Grill, Abe Foxman, head of the ADL, charged both political parties with discrimination against Jews in the presidential races. "They are running women, blacks and old, goyisch war veterans but not a single Jew!" Foxman declared while snacking on a baby lamb chop. When asked about Bloomberg's "short" campaign, Foxman called the mayor "a tease who left us all frustrated like Sheila Rosenfeld did in high school."
Bang It Out
THE CHURCH’S GREAT IDEA! 37 Palestinian refugees fleeing Iraq fly to Chile
DAMASCUS — A group of Palestinian refugees stranded on the Iraq-Syria border since 2006 flew to Chile Sunday under a resettlement plan sponsored by the Catholic Church in the South American country and the U.N. agency for refugees. Newsvine
Jake Novak's Comedy Store
Fuel Back to Gaza
Israel has resumed fuel shipments to Gaza after a weeklong cutoff. This is great news for Palestinians who were running out of gas to help them set tires on fire.

Hamas Day Care Daily Schedule

6:30am: Mothers drop children off, get beaten for not watching their children.

7:00am - 8:30am: Morning prayers, followed by daily Jew-bashing sermon.

8:45am - 9am: Clean up toys... and the rubble from last night's suicide bombing.

9am - 9:30am: Pin the Bomb on the Donkey.

9:30 - 10:30am: Nap time, (AKA: "Pretend to be a martyr").

10:30am - 11:30am: Snack time, (CANCELED DUE TO HAMAS LEADERS TAKING U.N. FOOD SUBSIDIES TO BUY MORE BOMBS)

11:30am - 12pm: Children play rousing game of "Who's the Israeli informant?"

12pm - 12:30pm: Clean up carcass of loser of "Who's the Israeli informant?"

12:30pm - 1pm: Lunch, (only provided if Jews have been murdered that day).

1-2pm: Practice crying for BBC TV crew.

2-4pm: Circle time.

4-5:30pm: Story time, AKA: Scary stories we'll tell Mr. Jimmy Carter when he comes to visit.

5:30-6pm: Dismissal, pick up. (PARENTS, PLEASE BE PREPARED TO TAKE YOUR CHILD'S EXPLOSIVE BELT AT THIS TIME. WE DO NOT ASSUME RESPONSIBILITY FOR ANY WEAPONS LEFT BEHIND!).
Egypt Terror Trial
25 members of the terrorist group "Muslim Brotherhood" have been sentenced to up to 10 years in jail in Egypt. But they will be released as soon as all the foreign journalists leave.
Food Aid
President Bush is sending $200 million in emergency aid to help starving countries across the world. That probably will work out to be $1 million for the food, and $199 million for shipping and handling.

That could be worth up to $400 million in food to the nations with supermarkets offering double coupons.
Comedian Argus Hamilton
Cindy McCain told Access Hollywood she was addicted to painkillers. The pretty blonde was a rodeo queen and heiress to a huge Phoenix beer distributorship. If John McCain cheated on her with a lobbyist, he missed his calling as a kamikaze pilot.
John McCain's wife Cindy got into hot water when an intern copied recipes from the Food Network and posted them as McCain Family Recipes. Cindy's nearly anorexic and John was a prisoner of war. The only family recipe they've got is (light) bread and (mineral) water.

Safeway blamed soaring food prices Friday on the demand for corn as a gasoline substitute. Farmers are making a killing turning fields into fuel depots. Don't be surprised if before the president leaves office he tries to bring democracy to Kansas.

The World Bank warned that the high cost of food and resulting food shortage is causing Third World hunger riots. There must be a solution. Scientists all over the world are trying to develop crops that Americans cannot convert into gasoline.
Here’s

A nude photo of France’s First Lady (a former supermodel) has sold for $91,000 at auction. A vacation pic of Laura Bush in a one-piece is up to $12 on e-Bay.

A New York collector bought a fifty-year-old film featuring a young Marilyn Monroe performing fellatio on a man (Ronald Reagan?) whose face is never seen. It had surfaced recently - catalogued as part of the “Dead Girls Gone Wild” collection.

A gay cable network is developing a show about a lesbian FBI agent. In her first case, she’ll investigate why “Cagney & Lacey” went off the air…

Yoko Ono says ALL the Beatles’ wives suffered. She added, “We suffered much the way the Chipettes suffered - in the shadow of Alvin & the Chipmunks.”
MORE Argus
Indonesia cracked down on prostitution in the capital city of Jakarta. The police have ordered all masseuses to padlock their pants. If you lock your keys in your car in Indonesia you might have to wait a week before a locksmith can get to you.
Florida police arrested a man for trying to sell fake crack cocaine to elderly residents at a nursing home in Jacksonville. The joke was on the crack dealer. The seniors paid for it with their health insurance so he only got ten cents on the dollar.



The Erogenous Zone, a sex shop in Orange County, CA was burglarized last week. The only thing missing? A “working model” of Jenna Jameson’s vagina, worth $250.00! link
JENNA JAMESON is SO HOTT!! - doctors have to take her temperature using the Kelvin scale…

Elliot Cohen is a very smart young man. After graduating top of his class at Columbia, he finished number one in his law school class at Harvard. With such sterling credentials, he applied for positions at only the best firms in the city. One of them, Sterling Forsythe & Blackburn, was the most notoriously WASPy law firm in town. In the hundred years they'd been in business, they'd never had a Jew on staff. But, the politically correct climate being what it was, they decided it was time they hired somebody Jewish, and certainly they couldn't do better than Elliot.

They called Elliot for an interview in their offices and all the partners were very impressed with him, so they decide to take him to lunch at "21". While there, the partners met up with some very important clients, who just happened to be the CEOs of some very big companies.

The men were all talking with each other but nobody was paying attention to Elliot. He couldn't even get a word in edgewise. Finally, he got up and went to the men's room. They didn't even notice he'd left the table.

While he was in the restroom, who did Elliot bump into but the former President of the United States, Bill Clinton! One thing about Elliot...he has a lot of chutzpah. He politely asked the former President if he’d do him a big favor. He told him the story of how these big machers were ignoring him and asked if the former President would just stop off at his table, pat him on the back and say "Hi, Cohen...How are you doing? Good to see you again."

Mr. Clinton generously agreed.

So, Elliot went back to the table and sat down. Things were still the same. Nobody was paying attention to him. Ten minutes later, Bill Clinton walked over to the table, stepped over to Elliot, slapped him on the back and said "Hey, Cohen...How you doin’? Good t’ see ya!"

Elliot turned around to the former President and said, "Please! Get lost! Can't you see I'm with some important people here!"

HUNKS FOR THE LADIES

Brandon

Maxie Greenbaum was 87 years old, God bless him, and the Catskills were the farthest he ever traveled since he landed in this country 70 years ago. One day he decided that before he dropped dead, he should live a little. He decides he's going to take a vacation.
He takes out his bankbook and he sees he's got only $58.62. Oi! Not even enough for the mountains, even, but, Maxie sits down to read the travel section of the Daily News, because you just never know. Sure enough, a small ad says "Cruise to the Caribbean: Special Today. Just $58.62! Hurry. Space limited."
Well, Maxie is thrilled. He calls up the travel agent and finds out there's just one more place left and the boat is leaving in a half an hour. So, Maxie throws a few pairs of Bermuda shorts, his swimming trunks, some nose cream, sandals and socks into a valise and runs down to the travel agent's office.
When he gets there, the agent tells him. "You're just in time. The boat leaves any minute!" He takes Maxie by cab down to the dock. The taxi pulls up to the pier and a gigantic, bare-chested man with big muscles grabs Maxie out of the cab, throws his suitcase into the water, drags him down to the bottom of the ship, locks him up in chains, shoves a pair of oars into his hands, cracks a long, leather bullwhip at him and screams in his face, "Row! Row! Row!"
For seven days and seven nights, Maxie rows. Every time he slows down even a little, the man whips him. He doesn't even let Maxie sleep! On the eighth day, the ship pulls back into New York harbor. The man unchains Maxie and throws him out onto the dock where the travel agent is waiting for him.
"So, Mr. Greenbaum," he says, "how did you like your cruise?"
"I'll tell you...it wasn't bad, but you know, I've never been on a cruise before and I want to ask you... How much I should tip the whipper?"



Two beggars are sitting a few feet apart on a busy street in a notoriously anti-Semitic neighborhood. One has a sign which reads, "Please help a wounded war veteran." The other's sign reads, "Help a poor old Jew."

Hundreds of people pass by during the day. Just to spite the Jew and to show him how unwelcome he is, even those who would never ordinarily give money to a beggar, make a big showing of putting large sums of money into the war veteran's cup.

Finally, a good man passes by, gives money equally to both, and then says to the Jew: "Look, why don't you change your sign? I hate to say it, but people around here don't particularly like Jews. With a sign like that, in this neighborhood, you're never going to get a penny."

When he's out of earshot, the old Jew turns to the "veteran" and says: "Gib a kik, Moishe…look who's trying to teach us our business..."

PEPSI GIRL

Marvin was a deeply spiritual man, a seeker of truth. He went to synagogue every week for years, but eventually realized his soul needed more than Judaism could give him. He tried Buddhism, Christianity, a wide assortment of New Age religions, but he still felt spiritually empty.

One day, he heard about a great guru living atop the highest mountain in India who had all the answers. He sold all his worldly possessions, bid goodbye to his friends and family, and headed east. Once on the subcontinent, he learned that the guru would agree to see only one person a year and that person would be allowed to ask only one question. There were many other truth-seekers ahead of Marvin, so he had to wait nearly twenty years to see the great man. During that time, he lived in poverty, at the base of the mountain begging and doing menial tasks. When his turn finally came, he made the perilous journey up the snow-covered mountain, and waited for a week in the freezing cold in front of a cave, until the guru emerged.

"What is your question, my son?" the guru asked.
Marvin had been rehearsing this for years, and said, "Oh, wise one… What is the meaning of life?"

"Life, my son," said the guru ponderously, "is a deep well."

Marvin's jaw dropped open. He could not control his shock and anger. He screamed at the guru, "'Life is a deep well?' That's it? I've given up everything I owned, abandoned my friends and family, spent years living in abject poverty, even lost my toes to frostbite getting up here, and that's the best you can do? 'Life is a deep well?!'"

The guru looks at him quizzically. "What? You mean it isn't?"




The other day, Sylvia's telephone rings at 8:30 in the morning. The minute she picks it up she hears, "Oi! Ma! Help! I need you! Both the kids have the measles and are crying upstairs. The Hadassah ladies are due at the house for lunch and the Frigidaire is broken and everything I made last night is spoiled. The car broke down so I can't even go to the supermarket! What am I going to do?"

"Don't worry, darling," Sylvia tells her. "You call the repairman. In the meantime, I'll take the bus to the Long Island Railroad, and come out to your house. I'll walk the two miles from the station. On the way, I'll stop off at Walbaum's and pick up a few things for lunch. I'll take care of the kids. Then I'll cook a nice lunch for the Hadassah ladies. I'll even make dinner for Barry."
"Who's Barry?" she asks.

"Barry...your husband. The lawyer," Sylvia says.

She says, "But, Ma, my husband is David. Is this 353-3889?"

"No," says Sylvia , "This is 353-3886."

There is a groan on the other end of the line. "Oy!! Does this mean you're not coming?!?!"

LANEA

Good fortune. COMMENT! Please spread the meme. Don’t smoke in bed…

P.O.E.T.S. - 041208 || OBAMA REEKS OF ELITISM, McCAIN ON PLANE, CHRIST IMAGE APPEARS ON... POPE RATZO VISITS USA, GEN. BETRAYUS RE-RUN, DORIS DAY BOINKED MICKEY MANTLE! REAGAN'S ASSESSMENT OF DUBYA, STAND-UP, POLITICS & SKIN, TRIVIA, JOKES, 'TOONS.

April 12, 2ôô8


NAVIGATING THE FRINGE STREAM
- LISTING A BIT TO THE LEFT...

Minister of Rants is the #1 blog among people who regularly use the phrase "Color me embarrassed".


Obama reeks of elitist attitude. I'm reminded, once again, that Michelle Obama said: “Barack is one of the smartest people you will ever encounter who will DEIGN to enter this messy thing called politics.”

The mainstream Dems and independents could SMELL the elitism of Dukakis, Gore, Kerry and Howard Dean - but Obama has spelled it out for them. He stands somewhat ABOVE the unwashed masses who embrace religious beliefs and own guns. And he ASSumes that they are all nativists and bigots.
IF Obama is our candidate - I will vote for him - but he's not making it any easier. If I can't vote for Hillary I wish I could vote for Bloomberg - another grown-up!

Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama spoke to the Communications Workers of America Union gathering in Washington last week. Mrs. Clinton asked the union to endorse her campaign while Obama simply asked the media workers to continue only shooting him from his good side.

 


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Now that Charlton Heston is in heaven, Moses can't get a table in any of the best restaurants.

Harry Morgan (born Harry Bratsburg in Detroit, Michigan) (93) is an Emmy-winning American television actor of Norwegian extraction. He graduated from Muskegon High School in Muskegon, Michigan, where he achieved distinction as a statewide debating champion.
He is perhaps best known as Colonel Sherman T. Potter on M*A*S*H, "Pete" on Pete and Gladys and December Bride, and Detective Bill Gannon on Dragnet.


Shecky Greene (born Sheldon Greenfield)(82) is a comedian known for his nightclub performances in Las Vegas, where he has been a headliner for more than 30 years.[1] He has appeared in several films, including History of the World, Part I and Splash, and has guest starred on such television shows as Mad About You, Laverne & Shirley, Love, American Style and Combat!

Shecky once drove his auto into the fountain at Caesars Palace. When the cops arrived, the windshield wipers were going. Greene rolled down the window and said, "No spray wax."

He loved to tell the story about Frank Sinatra saving his life. Five guys were beating up Greene, and then he heard Sinatra say, "OK. He's had enough."

 

Stanley Kamel (65) actor who played Adrian Monk’s long-suffering psychiatrist, Dr. Charles Kroger, on the USA Network TV detective series Monk. As Kroger, Kamel dispensed advice during weekly therapy sessions with Monk (Tony Shalhoub), a brilliant but neurotic private detective with obsessive-compulsive disorder. Kamel had a nearly 40-year acting career, much of it on TV. He had played more than 100 supporting guest roles on many other shows, including The Golden Girls, Star Trek: The Next Generation, and Days of Our Lives. He was found dead of a heart attack in his Hollywood Hills, California home on April 8, 2008.


Gib Shanley (76) broadcaster, radio voice of the Cleveland Browns (1961-84). Shanley was play-by-play announcer during the Browns' 27-0 victory over the Baltimore Colts in the 1964 NFL title game, the last time Cleveland celebrated a championship won by one of its major sports teams. He also worked as a broadcaster at WEWS-TV in Cleveland until the mid-'90s. He died in Cleveland, Ohio on April 6, 2007.

 

 



"You go into these small towns in Pennsylvania and, like a lot of small towns in the Midwest, the jobs have been gone now for 25 years and nothing's replaced them…And they fell through the Clinton administration, and the Bush administration, and each successive administration has said that somehow these communities are gonna regenerate and they have not.

And it's not surprising then they get bitter, they cling to guns or religion or antipathy to people who aren't like them or anti-immigrant sentiment or anti-trade sentiment as a way to explain their frustrations." [Senator Barack Obama, stereotyping small town folks]

"There are a lot of dead carcasses on the road, and the vultures are out sniffing. This is the cycle of Wall Street. When bubbles crash, you get the value guys who come in and say, 'This thing is cheap.' " [Andy Kessler, former hedge fund manager]

"It's a Republican's job to crash the economy so the super-rich can swoop in and buy companies and assets for pennies on the dollar." BartCop.com


“A moment I’ve been dreading. George brought his ne’re-do-well son around this morning and asked me to find the kid a job. Not the political one who lives inFlorida; the one who hangs around here all the time looking shiftless. This so-called kid is already almost 40 and has never had a real job. Maybe I’ll call Kinsley over at The New Republic and see if they’ll hire him as a contributing editor or something. That looks like easy work.”
[Ronald Reagan, dreading contact with the shiftless, ne'er-do-well Monkey-Boy]

“Why is it, after all we have given — 4,024 American lives, gone; more than half-a-billion dollars spent; all this for the Iraqi people, but it’s the Iranian president who is greeted with kisses and flowers?

He got a red-carpet treatment, and we are losing our sons and daughters every single day for the Iraqis to be free. It is irritating is my point.”
[Senator Barbara Boxer, D-California]

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I’m Rev. Art. Welcome to our crib in Metro Fairborn and THE STAND-UP! - It starts when the cows come home. They almost never come home anymore. It's sad really.



We are very pleased to share with you an exceptional original music from the band “Cautious Junkie Agents” right after this important message:
PLEASE - join Da Rev & Da Pagan Baby in contributing to an all out effort to eradicate a horrific malady brought to our attention by Dr. Billy Darnell. I hope we can count on a check from everyone here this weekend for $500. or more for continuing research into “Grocer's Rock Stroke”…

 


CHARLTON HESTON IS SOYLENT GREEEEEEEEN!!!


More leftover OESTRE crap

Did you read this? Husbands create seven extra hours of housework each week. Take it from me - retired husbands probably make more than that. And Da Pagan Baby sez I don’t do anything around here!


Red Green always says, “If the women don’t find ya handsome, at least they should find ya handy.”

Red green is one of my gurus - but I am not a handy man. All I can say for myself is this. I subscribe to what may be Red green’s greatest axiom: “You Only Need Two Tools In Life - WD-40 And Duct Tape. If It Doesn't Move And Should, Use The WD-40. If It Shouldn't Move And Does, Use The Duct Tape.”


You’ve heard, I’m sure - The Olympic Torch has been met by riots in England and France. There's often friction between the English and the French - but they share a common interest in rioting. Toms Lake Humor Co.


A company called NTT Communications has developed a new cell phone that allows users to send and receive fragrances. Can you smell me now? Can you smell me now???" Toms Lake Humor Co.


Husband: "Honey, I'm gonna be home late, I have to work late at the
office.
Wife: “You’re in a BAR!
Husband: “No, honest, honey - I‘m at work.”
“I can smell beer and chicken wings!”
“Uhmm… We must have a bad connection!" Toms Lake Humor Co.

 


The other day I was debating a fundie. He kept bringing in extraneous assertions rather than address the topic. He said, “Einstein was a Christian, y’ know.”

Later he said that Darwin embraced Intelligent Design on his deathbed. I responded, “I’ve noticed - your kid looks nothing like you!”


TRIVIA QUESTION

How many female characters are there in the movie Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb (1964)?

A: none
B: one
C: two
D: three
E: four

TRIVIA ANSWER at the end of The Stand-Up!

 

 


Song writers Jerry Leiber (L) and Mike Stoller arrive at the 25th Annual ASCAP Pop Music Awards at the Kodak theatre in Hollywood, California, April 9, 2008.
[Photo by Danny Moloshok]


Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?
A. Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected.

TRIVIA ANSWER

How many female characters are there in the movie Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb (1964)?

A: none
B: ONE
C: two
D: three
E: four

Other than Miss Scott (Tracy Reed), there are no female characters in the film.

 

 

Thanx t' Dayton Pundit

That lying Dick.

Let's look a bit closer...


We forwarded a link to this blog to Lynney.

 
Jake Novak's Comedy Store
Impressing the Pope
President Bush is pulling out all the stops for Pope Benedict XVI's visit this month; driving out to meet the Pope's plane, bringing a giant audience to the South Lawn and hosting a fancy East Room dinner. Of course, President Bush and the Pope have a lot in common; they were both annointed by oil.


Carter Meets Hamas
Former President Jimmy Carter is defending his decision to meet with the leaders of the Hamas terrorist group... mostly because vicious murderers are the only people still willing to meet with him.


Obama Backtracks
Barack Obama says bitter small town blue collar workers have turned to God, guns, bigotry and immigrant bashing. That's radically opposed to the teachings of his pastor, who continues to encourage bitter Americans to simply bash white people.

 
Comedian Argus Hamilton
John McCain toured Brooklyn where he said government should help deserving homeowners pay their mortgage payments. He didn't explain how he would separate the deserving from the undeserving. Once a bomber pilot, always a bomber pilot.


Pope Ratzo will arrive in New York Saturday amid heavy security. He will be guarded by undercover cops, marksmen on roofs and police dogs on his parade route. The overall idea is to make him feel at home this week of his 81st birthday by re-creating his childhood in Germany.


President Bush refused this week to cancel his plans to attend the Olympics opening ceremonies in Beijing. China's government spies on its citizens, jails enemies without trials and disregards its legislature. They're as big a supporter of freedom as he is.


Louisiana Senator David Vitter may not have to testify in the Washington D.C. madam trial. Louisianans are by nature tolerant of lust, gambling and alcohol. Thomas Jefferson bought the place just so he could have a weekend getaway from the Puritans.

  

Condoleezza Rice lobbied to be considered for the GOP vice presidential nod despite her record of foreign policy debacles. The GOP presidential nominee would have to be clinically insane to add her to the ticket. So it's as good as done.

 
The Pentagon was reported to be alarmed about the mental health of U.S. troops being sent back to Iraq again and again. A new strategy is needed. The best thinking is, if we really want to destroy al-Qaeda we should let them have Iraq for five years.



Martin Luther King's biographer Clarence Jones said that Americans have racial amnesia about black suffering. That's an old story. The most identifiable trait of Anglo-Saxons is that we always mistake a short memory for a clear conscience.


Liberia's former ruler Charles Taylor had a bad day at his war crimes trial at the Hague. His staffers said he had his enemies murdered and cannibalized. One day the dictator got severe indigestion when he ate someone who disagreed with him.

 

 



There's a report CBS is negotiating to get out of their contract with Katie Couric before the 2010 end date. Poor Katie. Last night - while she was doing the evening news - she started sobbing and splashing tears all over the anchor desk. Luckily, nobody saw it. Toms Lake Humor Co.

 
MORE Argus
Air America radio host Randi Rhodes resigned rather than apologize for calling Hillary Clinton a c*nt while speaking onstage in San Francisco. It was painful to watch. Two drinks and a microphone have ended more careers than rotator cuff surgery.


“Doris Day, the Untold Story” reveals the affair Doris Day had with Mickey Mantle in 1962. He was a star and she was a star and they met regularly at a New York hotel, and no one noticed. The Cuban Missile Crisis had everybody watching the skies that fall.





EVA LONGORIA IS SO BEAUTIFUL!!! - If beauty were sweetness - I'd stick a banana in her and eat her over the sink.



HUNKS FOR THE LADIES

BURT REYNOLDS

(Back in the Day)

(CLICK TO ENLARGE IT!)




Some tourists at the Museum of Natural History are marveling at the dinosaur bones. One of them asks the guard, "Can you tell me how old these bones are?"

The guard replies, "They're three million, four years and six months old."

"That's awfully precise dating," says the tourist. "How do you know?"

The guard answers, "Well, the dinosaur bones were three million years old when I started working here, and that was four and a half years ago."


PARIS

One day a man went to an auction. While there, he bid on a parrot. He really wanted this bird, so he got caught up in the bidding. He kept on bidding, but kept getting outbid, so he bid higher and higher and higher. Finally, after he bid way more than he intended, he won the bid - the parrot was his at last!

As he was paying for the parrot, he said to the Auctioneer, "I sure hope this parrot can talk. I would hate to have paid this much for it, only to find out that he can't talk!"

"Don't worry." said the Auctioneer, "He can talk. Who do you think kept bidding against you?"


BIANCA BEAUCHAMP

A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audience would be different each week, so the magician allowed himself to do the same tricks over and over again. There was only one problem: The captain's parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every trick. Once he understood he started shouting in the middle of the show: "Look, it's not the same hat"

"Look, he is hiding the flowers under the table"

"Hey, why are all the cards the Ace of Spades ?"

The magician was furious but couldn't do anything; it was, after all, the captain's parrot. One day the ship had an accident and sank. The magician found himself on a piece of wood in the middle of the ocean with the parrot, of course. They stared at each other with hatred, but did not utter a word. This went on for a day and then another and another.

After a week the parrot said: "OK, I give up. Where's the boat?"


MAUREEN'S PUMPED!

A burglar broke into a house and was skulking as silently as he could when he heard a voice say "Jesus is watching".

He stopped dead in his tracks and listened. A minute went by and he heard nothing, so he started to move again. "Jesus is watching", came the voice in the dark.

His eyes were adjusting to the light and he noticed a cage in the corner containing a parrot. "Was that you talking, bird?"

The parrot said, "Yes."

"What's your name little bird?"

“‘Clarence’", the parrot said.

"‘Clarence‘? who would name a bird ‘Clarence’?" the burglar laughed.

The parrot said, "The same person who named the Rottweiler ‘Jesus’"!

YOUR MOMENT OF ZEN...


Good fortune. COMMENT! Please spread the meme. Don’t smoke in bed…

P.O.E.T.S. - 040508 || TEENAGE LOOSE WOMEN, SEX W/PICNIC TABLE? SEN. STABENOW'S HUSBAND'S HO, OLYMPICS BOYCOTT, BUSH FAREWELL TOUR, McCAIN & THE CONFEDERACY, READING TO THE BLIND, UNSUBSCRIBED: SHERRY BRITTON, VINTAGE AUTO, TRIVIA, JOKES, POLITICS & SKIN

April 5, 2ôô8

NAVIGATING THE FRINGE STREAM
- LISTING A BIT TO THE LEFT...


Minister of Rants gets the most clicks from “America’s Most Wanted”…

The Metropolitan Borough of Gateshead have issued new regulations requiring Catholic priests in the north east of England to read a disclaimer prior to delivering the holy sacrament of Communion: “Congregants should be aware of the gaps and/or problems in the Catholic theory of transubstantiation, including, but not limited to, the Protestant notion that the bread and wine are merely symbolic, the opinions of other religions on the life of Christ, and the lack of conclusive scientific evidence available to support this theory.” Pharyngula


"No matter how many people pray, no matter how often they pray, no matter how sincere they are, no matter how much they believe, no matter how deserving the amputee, what we know is that prayers do not inspire God to regenerate amputated legs. This happens despite what Jesus promises us in Matthew 21:21, John 14:14, Mark 11:24, etc." Why won't God heal amputees?

Josephine Owaissa Cottle (87), better known as Gale Storm, is an American actress/singer. She appeared in successful two TV series in the ‘50s - “My Little Margie” and “Oh Susannah”. (Da Rev still cherishes his 45 RPM singles of hit recordings by Gale Storm on DOT Records.)


Emmylou Harris (61) is a country, folk, alternative rock, and alternative country musician. In addition to her work as a solo artist and bandleader, both as an interpreter of other composers' works and as a singer-songwriter, she is a sought-after backing vocalist and duet partner, working with numerous big-name artists. (“Emmylou, Emmylou, I‘m a kickin‘ up SPARKS fer you…” [Rev. Art] )




Charlton Heston (84) actor who won the 1959 best-actor Oscar as chariot-racing Ben-Hur and portrayed Moses, Michelangelo, El Cid, and other heroic figures in movie epics of the '50s and '60s. Heston is pictured above as a drama student at Northwestern University in the '40s, as Moses in The Ten Commandments (1956), as the title character in Ben-Hur (1959), and as president (1998-2003) of the National Rifle Association. He revealed in 2002 that he had symptoms consistent with Alzheimer's disease. He died in Beverly Hills, California on April 5, 2008. His wife then pried his musket from his cold dead hands... Life In Legacy

Sherry Britton (89) exotic dancer whose hourglass figure and jet-black hair made her one of the queens of the burlesque stage in the '30s and '40s. Britton was one of the last stars of a few once-thriving theaters in Times Square where ostrich-feather fans fell away to reveal sequined pasties, G-strings, and sometimes more. In the '40s, after burlesque was effectively banned from New York City by Mayor Fiorello LaGuardia, Britton moved on to acting and in the '80s earned an undergraduate degree from Fordham University at age 63. She died in New York City on April 1, 2008. Life In Legacy

               "Cowardice asks the question, 'Is it safe?' Expediency asks the question, 'Is it politic?' Vanity asks the question, 'Is it popular?' But, conscience asks the question, 'Is it right?' And there comes a time when one must take a position that is neither safe, nor politic, nor popular but one must take it because one's conscience tells one that it is right." [Martin Luther King, Jr.]

A gentleman is any man who wouldn't hit a woman with his hat on.
[Fred Allen]



Fanatics are picturesque, mankind would rather see gestures than listen to reasons. [Friedrich Nietzsche]

He hoped and prayed that there wasn't an afterlife. Then he realized there was a contradiction involved here and merely hoped that there wasn't an afterlife. [Douglas Adams, in “Life, The Universe and Everything”]

(Click on any image to ENLARGE it)



I’m Rev. Art. Welcome to our crib in Metro Fairborn and THE STAND-UP! - It's like the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show, but with a lot more prancing around.


About 30 years ago I strangled a cashier who asked, “Don’t you have anything smaller than that?”

We are very pleased to share with you an exceptional original music from the band “Obscure Fist Orange” right after this important message:


PLEASE - join Da Rev & Da Pagan Baby in contributing to an all out effort to eradicate a horrific malady brought to our attention by Courtey Cummz. I hope we can count on a check from everyone here this weekend for $500. or more for continuing research into “Sepulcher Allergy”…


About 30 years ago a hooker asked me, "Don't you have anything smaller than that?"

Women who smoke are too stinky to boink.

Vegetarian women smell funny, too.


Uncle Joe is getting up in years. His eyes are shot - well, yes, they’re bloodshot, too, usually. He asked if I would try to hire a companion to read the all the replies to his smutty e-mails. I couldn’t find any takers for the amount Uncle Joe was willing to pay, until I off-shored the job - to Bangalore. Joe has trouble understanding the guy and he has to catch the phone at 4 AM - but old people get up early anyway, right?


Irony is a lot like humor, except sometimes it is not funny.


Senator McCain called this week and told me I’m on the list of 20 people he’s considering to be his VP-running mate. I had to respectfully decline. I’m a Democrat. Besides, I don’t wanna work that closely with someone who has that “old guy smell”… Thanx t' tomslake.com


When McCain did an interview for MTV, a kid asked him if he wore boxers or briefs. McCain's reply? "Depends..."


Hillary says she’s a fan of The Rolling Stones. Hillary’s old school - like me. On the other hand, when Senator McCain refers to himself as “old school” - he’s thinking’ Dorsey Brothers…


Jack’s 5-year-old granddaughter asked her grandma, “How old are you?”
Granny replied she was so old she didn't remember any more.
Melanie said, 'If you don't remember you can just look in the back of your panties. Mine say 5 to 6.'


One in four teen girls in the US has a sexually transmitted disease (STD). The theme for the prom this year is “Russian Roulette”!

TRIVIA QUESTION
Who is the only person to have been honored with all five possible stars (film, TV, radio, recording, theater) on the Hollywood Walk of Fame?

A: Gene Autry
B: Lucille Ball
C: Irving Berlin
D: Bob Hope
E: Wayne Newton

TRIVIA ANSWER at the end of The Stand-Up!


Television host Jimmy Kimmel, left, and actress Sarah Silverman pose on the press line at the Jimmy Kimmel Show's 1000th Episode Party in Los Angeles on Thursday, April 3, 2008.
[Photo by Dan Steinberg]


Hold on, Julius! Just set down the wheel barrow. You have no training or experience with machinery.


Did you hear about the guy who was arrested for fucking a picnic table? YUP. The neighbor across the street had videotaped the act - FOUR TIMES! Wait for the movie - “Love Is A Many-Splintered Thing”…

A psychologist says teenagers are wearing baggy clothes so they can gain weight and nobody notices. That's nonsense. The reason why today's teenagers wear baggy clothes is so they can shoplift and carry concealed weapons without being noticed. Thanx t' tomslake.com

I can't use the cell phone in the car. I have to keep my hands free for making gestures.


This week scientists announced they have found a genetic link that makes some people more likely to get hooked on smoking and more likely to get lung cancer. They hope to isolate this "tobacco gene" - and make it go stand outside the building. Thanx t' tomslake.com


YOUR VIDEO: Beer, Pick-Up Trucks & Physics!

CLICK THIS - Warning: Controversial site!

TRIVIA ANSWER

Who is the only person to have been honored with all five possible stars (film, TV, radio, recording, theater) on the Hollywood Walk of Fame?

A: GENE AUTRY
B: Lucille Ball
C: Irving Berlin
D: Bob Hope
E: Wayne Newton

 
HERE’s a terrific video! Further proof that the USA won the Cold War!

President Bush was roundly booed as he threw out the first pitch at the Washington Nationals opening game. They think he runs the country like a girl…


(Aside to former-Governor Spitzer: Look who's available for $150!!)

The husband of Michigan DEM US Senator Debbie Stabenow told police detectives he paid a prostitute (shown) for sex at a suburban Detroit hotel near Big Beaver in February. Thomas Athans, admitted that he engaged the service of the prostitute after he was questioned as part of a sting investigation. Stabenow said "this is very disturbing and serious, obviously it's a deeply difficult and personal matter." While police say he admitted paying $150 for sex, he was neither arrested nor charged. BartCop.com


It was in defense of the Mississippi plantation that William Alexander McCain, grandson of the first McCain in America, died while a member of a Mississippi cavalry unit (Confederate) in the Civil War. BartCop.com




Jake Novak's Humor Blog
Wal-Mart Rethinks
Wal-Mart is dropping a controversial effort to collect over $400,000 in health-care reimbursement from a former employee who lost her son in Iraq and is confined to a nursing home since she suffered brain damage in a traffic accident. The company realized it was just easier to have her killed instead.



Comedian Argus Hamilton
Barack Obama said in an interview he's of two minds over whether the U.S. should participate in the Beijing Summer Olympics. Nobody called him out for waffling. Chris Mathews news reported on Hardball that Barack Obama is so smart he has two minds.


Barack Obama on The View Friday hedged about his pastor Jeremiah Wright, saying he never heard any racially inflammatory sermons. It's obvious Barack heard some of the sermons. Calling your grandmother a typical white woman had to come from somewhere.


Barack Obama's handwritten notes were discovered Monday on a voter group questionnaire that he previously said he'd never seen. A rival campaign gave it to the media to prove Obama is more liberal than he pretends. The campaign didn't want to be identified because criticizing Barack Obama is now a hate crime in thirty-seven states.


German Chancellor Angela Merkel announced she will boycott the Summer Olympic Games in Beijing. She is angry over China's military crackdown in Tibet. Many countries have denounced the crackdown but only Germany deducted points for style.

Madonna is rumored to be starring in a remake of “Casablanca”. We’ll always have the original…


Bobby Brown says his wife Whitney Houston drove him to drugs. D’oh! Well, SHE was the one who still had a license.


Did you see - the Bengals dumped wide receiver Chris Henry after his latest arrest? It’s part of the Bengals new get-tough “27-strikes and you’re out” policy!


Jake Novak's Humor Blog
Torch in China
The Olympic torch has arrived in Beijing. It will now be taken all across China, where it will be used to set protesters on fire.

Comedian Argus Hamilton
The Oklahoma Capitol hosted a rally in support of lawmaker Sally Kern, who said gays were more dangerous than terrorists. It's a question of family values. When the movie Oklahoma airs on television, the local station puts a blue dot over the dancing scenes.

The NFL scheduled its opening game in September the same night as the GOP Convention in Minneapolis. It's a bad move. The NFL will soon find out it can't compete with the drama of Republicans convening in the Minneapolis Airport men's room.


CARMEN ELECTRA
IS SO BEAUTIFUL!!! - If beauty were homemade preserves - I'd spread her over my hot cross buns.


HUNKS FOR THE LADIES

DANIEL



TRUE STORY - Rick & Bridget’s Catholic Wedding with Dave, the Jewish Best Man…

Thanx t' Half Empty

Scene: The inside of a Wheaton church, at a typical Catholic wedding where an extremely young looking Rick and Bridget were professing their love for one another. The groomsmen were standing in front, waiting for the open bar, when the priest offered the host to the congregation. After a few seconds of nudging from the second groomsman, the first groomsman tentatively approached the father where he received the holy sacrament. The groomsman took the wafer, sheepishly turned around and stuck it in the front pocket of his rented tux.

You would think that they would have gone over this little ritual with the Jewish guy standing up, wouldn’t you? What are rehearsal dinners for? Alas, they didn’t, and for the remainder of the night I had to answer the question, “Hey Dave, is that the body of Christ in your pocket or are you just happy to see me” from about a million people I didn’t know.


A third grade school teacher was trying to explain to her class the difference between singular and plural. She said, ''What do you call it if one woman looks out a window?''
Charlotte said, ''Singular.''
''That's right Charlotte," said the teacher. "Now, what do you call it if three women are looking out of a window?''
Little Johnny blurted out, "A whorehouse."


A Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman walk into a pub. They each buy a pint of Guiness beer.
Just as they were about to enjoy their creamy beverage three flies landed in each of their pints, and were stuck in the thick head.
The Englishman pushed his beer away from him in disgust.
The Scotsman fished the offending fly out of his beer and continued drinking it as if nothing had happened.
The Irishman too, picked the fly out of his drink, held it out over the beer and then started yelling, "SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT, YOU BASTARD!!"


An Irishman went to the doctor and was asked to give a urine sample.

The Irishman asked, "What's a urine sample?"

The doctor replied, "Go piss in a bottle."

The Irishman retorted, "Go shit in yer hat"
And the fight was on.



'59 FURY with the Towing Package...

Good fortune. COMMENT! Please spread the meme. Don’t smoke in bed…