May 17, 2ôô8
NAVIGATING THE FRINGE STREAM
- LISTING A BIT TO THE LEFT...
*NOT CURRENTLY AVAILABLE IN MYANMAR*
“Minister Of Rants” has just been voted #1 blog among people who think Larry King is the Anti-Christ…
ONCE MORE WITH FEELING: "I'm not quitting Hillary 'til Hillary quits..."
"In August when the Republican attack ads unroll with a screaming Reverend Wright juxtaposed with an angry Obama with an outstretched pointing finger overlayed by Obama's voice saying that he can't disown Wright anymore than he can disown his grandmother, will the superdelegates feel good and justified about their decision to try and kick Hillary out of the race before she won a state like West Virginia or Kentucky?
Will those same superdelegates apologize for their bad judgment in thinking a candidate who lost 40% of the Democratic vote in a state primary - a mere 5 months before Election Day -- should even still qualify to be the best candidate in a general election? [Kristen Breitweiser, 9-11 Widow]
John Edwards endorsed Obama this week. Gee… I just hope Hillary appreciates the irony in the fact that the “Et Tu Brute?” moment came from a guy who probably filed a class action suit against knife manufacturers…
Senator Obama is wearing his flag lapel pin everywhere these days… it has 57 stars. 
Now we know why Barry didn't wear a flag lapel pin 'til recently. He couldn't find one with 57 stars.
The 2009 state quarters will be: North East West Virginia, Northern California, City State of New York City, Upper Michigan, Guam, Puerto Rico and Oprahoma.
Jake Novak's Comedy Corner
Hillary Wins
Hillary Clinton easily defeated Barack Obama in the West Virginia primary... proving once and for all that there really are no black people in West Virginia.
Clinton's Sweet Spot
Hillary Clinton won the West Virginia primary because she campaigned on a strong local platform promising more jobs, more education, and more teeth.
Edwards Backs Obama
John Edwards has endorsed Barack Obama for president. This means Edwards will give Obama his delegates, donor lists, and the name of his best hairdresser.
http://satiricalpolitical.com/?p=1780
"By getting John Edward's endorsement, the Obama camp has won the support of its first white male." BartCop.com
BLOG: "Things That Are Younger Than McCain"
For all those religionists who insist Einstein was a believer - please take note:
“The word god is for me nothing more than the expression and product of human weaknesses, the Bible a collection of honourable, but still primitive legends which are nevertheless pretty childish. No interpretation no matter how subtle can (for me) change this.
For me the Jewish religion like all others is an incarnation of the most childish superstitions. And the Jewish people to whom I gladly belong and with whose mentality I have a deep affinity have no different quality for me than all other people. As far as my experience goes, they are no better than other human groups, although they are protected from the worst cancers by a lack of power. Otherwise I cannot see anything 'chosen' about them.” [Albert Einstein]
ENYA (born Eithne Patricia Ní Bhraonáin) (47) sometimes presented in the media as Enya Brennan, is an Irish singer, instrumentalist, composer, producer and songwriter.
She is Ireland's best-selling solo artist and is officially the country's second biggest musical export (second only to U2).
Her works have earned her four Grammy Awards and an Academy Award nomination and is also famous for performing in 10 different languages during her lengthy career. Enya is an approximate transcription of how Eithne is pronounced in her native Irish, in the Donegal dialect. Wikipedia
Here's a guy you'll remember - if you ever saw one of his movies:
John Phillip Law (70) tall, blond actor who played the blind angel Pygar opposite Jane Fonda in Barbarella (1968) and a lovesick Russian seaman in The Russians Are Coming, the Russians Are Coming (1966), among other film and TV roles. Law died in Los Angeles, California on May 13, 2008. Life In Legacy
Jimmy Slyde (80) one of the last great tap dancers of the big-band era, whose smooth moves carried him from swing and bebop to Broadway (Black & Blue [1989]) and movies, including Tap (1989) and The Cotton Club (1984). An elegant, engaging performer with a sharp wit, Slyde was one of the giants of rhythm tap, known for his great musicality, his impeccable timing, and his ability to glide across the stage effortlessly. He died in Hanson, Massachusetts on May 16, 2008.
Life In Legacy
"Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself, 'You should have remained a virgin.'"
[Barbara Bush's new biography] 
Married To The Sea
“In 2007, the Big Five oil companies reported record profits, with Exxon Mobil making over $40 billion. A windfall tax would help discourage these industries from consistently increasing their prices.
I am pleased to introduce a bill that would tax oil and gas companies for their excessive profits while encouraging them to decrease the prices for their products.
I am appalled by the spiraling prices at the gas pump and in home heating fuel. I am working to change the sharp contrast between the industries’ growing profits and Americans’ increasing inability to pay for oil and gas.
H.R. 5800 would tax such industries for their windfall profits. The bill would set up a Reasonable Profits Board to determine when these companies’ profits are in excess, and then tax them on those windfall profits.”
[U.S. Rep. Paul E. Kanjorski, Pennsylvania Democrat]
President Bush went on foreign soil today, and committed what I consider an act of political treason: Comparing the candidate of the U.S. opposition party to appeasers of Nazi Germany -- in the very nation that was carved out from the horrific calamity of the Holocaust. Bush's bizarre and beyond-appropriate detour into American presidential politics took place in the middle of what should have been an occasion for joy: A speech to Israeli's Knesset to honor that nation's 60th birthday…
To travel to Israel and to associate a sitting American senator and your possible successor in the Oval Office with those who at one time gave comfort to an enemy of the United States is, in and of itself, an act of political treason.
[Will Bunch]
(Click on any image to ENLARGE it)
Well howdy, I’m Rev. Art. Welcome to our crib in Metro Fairborn and THE STAND-UP! - It’s like Celebrity Rehab - only there's no one named Baldwin here...
Married To The Sea
We are very pleased to share with you an exceptional original music composition from the band “Orange U. Graduate” right after this important message:
PLEASE - join Da Rev & Da Pagan Baby in contributing to an all out effort to eradicate a horrific malady brought to our attention by Arlo Quartlow. I hope we can count on a check from everyone here this weekend for $500. or more for continuing research into “Feline Rashes”…
THE FIRST RULE OF A MARIACHI BAND
A gun-toting mariachi who held a gun on a musician who wanted to quit his band was sentenced to probation today in Denver District Court. Alvaro Alvarado-Amarias, 31, was given a three-year prison sentence suspended as long as he stays out of trouble for his three-year probation term.
Originally charged with kidnapping, false imprisonment and assault, Alvarado-Amarias pleaded guilty to menacing. He was arrested Jan. 5 for holding Ervey Ruiz, 52, at gunpoint for five hours, threatening to kill him because Ruiz told him he was joining another band.
Well slap me with a taco and call me Lupe, this is the worst case of justice I've heard of in a long time. Has anyone alerted Nancy Grace or Greta or, (better) GERALDO? O'Reilly and Lou Dobbs want to know if he is a legal immigrant...
(Small children are often frightened when Mariachis come to their table...)
Maybe Alvaro was jealous. Didn't Ervey used to nail Cameron Diaz after-hours?
Gun-toting mariachis... yet another demographic NOT voting for Obama.
The best mexican food I ever had - there was no Mariachi band. It was off a truck in El Monte...
RULES de BANDA:
You do not talk about the mariachi band.
If this is a problem consult the second rule: You DO NOT talk about the mariachi band!
The fourth rule is three guys to a mariachi band.
The seventh rule is the mariachi band will go on as long as it has to or a until one of the diners gives you a tip.
Married To The Sea
Last night a gang of Smurfs did a drive-by shooting at a hut on Keebler elf turf…
Geno believes in Reincarnation. Me, too. I fully expect to be reincarnated as table bacteria at Cadillac Jack‘s.
To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half empty. To Da Rev, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
TRIVIA QUESTION
Which actor was born in Tulsa, OK?
A: Marlon Brando
B: Henry Fonda
C: Jack Lemmon
D: Vincent Price
E: Tony Randall 
CLICK IT!
TRIVIA ANSWER
Which actor was born in Tulsa, OK?
A: Marlon Brando
B: Henry Fonda
C: Jack Lemmon
D: Vincent Price
E: TONY RANDALL
Marlon Brando was born in Omaha, Nebraska
Henry Fonda was born in Grand Island, Nebraska
Jack Lemmon was born in Newton, Massachusetts
Vincent Price was born in St. Louis, Missouri
Tony Randall was born in Tulsa, Oklahoma 
Here’s your VIDEO: Baby with two faces worshipped as goddess...
Jake Novak's Comedy Corner
Did You Hear About This Amazing Breakthrough?
NASA has perfected a device that converts human urine into drinking water. Finally, an answer to the millions of Americans who have always asked: You can put a man on the moon, but you can't turn urine into clean water?!?
A NASA scientist got the idea while watching his dog drink out of the toilet.
Deere Profits
Tractor maker John Deere is posting record profits this year. That's because the only way Americans can afford to drive now is to harvest corn while they do it.
China Quake
Major casualties were reported after a massive 7.9 magnitude earthquake and numerous severe aftershocks hit China. Chinese government troops found a silver lining in the disaster. They got some time off from killing their countrymen.
Bush Slams Dems
President Bush suggested today that the Democrats are appeasing terrorists... a sharp difference from VP Cheney, who insists that the Democrats ARE the terrorists.
Comedian Argus Hamilton
Hillary Clinton praised West Virginians in her victory speech on Tuesday. They were tired of hearing all day from NBC that they are lower class, downscale, and blue collar. If you average in Jay Rockefeller they're right up there with Connecticut. 
President Bush spoke to Israel's parliament and vowed the United States will pursue democracy all across the Middle East. He declared that America is truly committed. That's another way of saying our policy should be in a straitjacket. 
John McCain's idiot-fundie evangelical supporter Reverend John Hagee apologized last week if he offended Roman Catholics. He referred to the church as the Whore of Babylon. Senators were less concerned about the slur than about whether the whore’s going to testify. 
Barack Obama surprised supporters by choosing not to campaign in West Virginia last week. It was seen as a sign of softness. In high school Barack Obama quit the chess club because he felt that each game was turning into a black versus white issue.
John McCain said Barack Obama is clearly the choice of Hamas after a terrorist leader had praised the Democrat. Obama objected to McCain's remark immediately. He's slept through sermons for twenty years and he's not going to be blindsided again. 
The American Medical Journal said that having two drinks a day makes you less likely to fracture your hips. It's especially true if you live in a two-story house. Falling down the stairs twice a day builds up enough scar tissue to cushion your bones. 
MORE Argus
Jet Blue is being sued for forcing a passenger to sit on a toilet for a five-hour flight so a flight attendant could have his seat. It caused outrage. Senator Larry Craig telephoned his travel agent and demanded to know why this seat is never offered to him. 
GOP Congressman Vito Fossella refused to resign after a DUI arrest led to the discovery of his mistress and lovechild. He's decided to run for re-election. When you have two families to support, it's no time to give up your health insurance. 
Tom Cruise's movie about the German officer who tried to kill Adolf Hitler was shelved by the studio Sunday after awful test screenings. The actor's too unpopular. Movie audiences aren't supposed to cheer when Hitler survives your attempt to kill him.
Frank Sinatra adorned the first-class stamp this week as the Postal Service salutes Old Blue Eyes. He would no longer like that nickname. In today's world any Democrat who was old and blue-eyed would be stigmatized as a Hillary supporter with no rhythm. 
They are increasing the price of the stamp by one penny. The only way they could get Frank Sinatra was to raise the cover charge. 
Roger Clemens' mistress Mindy McCready claimed she was seventeen when they met, not fifteen. He's also linked to three other women. Right now he wants to step back and spend a little private time with his family, if he can remember where he left them. 
John McCain threw sharp elbows at Barack Obama Thursday as he cracked jokes on The Daily Show and Live with Regis and Kelly. There's a wide generational divide. Barack Obama is offering hope and change while John McCain is offering Hope and Crosby. 
LI'L KIM
If hotness were a horse - I would ride her hard at the Preakness, in front of a cheering crowd, using the crop the whole time - and put her away wet…
HUNKS FOR THE LADIES
First-year students at Med School were receiving their first anatomy class with a real dead human body. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet.
The professor started the class by telling them, "In medicine, it is necessary to have 2 important qualities as a doctor: The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the human body."
For example, the Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the corpse, withdrew it and stuck it in his own mouth. "Go ahead and do the same thing," he told his students.
The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead body and sucking on it. When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and told them, "The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention.
Two engineering students were crossing the campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."
The first engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."
A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!"
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!"
The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him."
"Hi George! Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"
The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."
The group was silent for a moment. The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't these fuckers play at night?"
Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet. 
What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers? Mechanical Engineers build weapons and Civil Engineers build targets.
'51 PACKARD
Good fortune. COMMENT! Please spread the meme. Don’t smoke in bed…
