May 24, 2ôô8
NAVIGATING THE FRINGE STREAM
- LISTING A BIT TO THE LEFT...
*NOT CURRENTLY AVAILABLE IN MYANMAR*
“Minister Of Rants” is the #1 blog among guys who took their moms to their proms…
FREEDOM FLIES IN YOUR HEART
LIKE AN EAGLE
[By Audie Murphy]
Dusty old helmet, rusty old gun,
They sit in the corner and wait -
Two souvenirs of the Second World War
That have withstood the time, and the hate.
Mute witness to a time of much trouble.
Where kill or be killed was the law -
Were these implements used with high honor?
What was the glory they saw?
Many times I've wanted to ask them -
And now that we're here all alone,
Relics all three of a long ago war -
Where has freedom gone?
Freedom flies in your heart like an eagle.
Let it soar with the winds high above
Among the spirits of soldiers now sleeping,
Guard it with care and with love.
I salute my old friends in the corner,
I agree with all they have said -
And if the moment of truth comes tomorrow,
I'll be free, or By God, I'll be dead! 
An average of 1,800 veterans die each day, and 10 percent of them are buried in the country's 125 national cemeteries, which are expected to set a record with 107,000 interments, including dependents, this year. And more national cemeteries are being built.
The peak year for veterans' deaths will be either 2007 or 2008. An estimated 686,000 veterans died in 2007. While many World War II veterans are dying, so are an increased number of Korean War and Vietnam veterans.
"Obama spent $36.4 million over the course of the month - about $4 million more than he raised during the same time - as he tried to sew up the nomination.
Despite outspending Clinton in Pennsylvania and Indiana, he lost both contests."
[Emily Cadie]
Maybe Obama should offer that VP position to HER before SHE gets in a position to offer it to him. 
Barack Obama vowed his support for universal health care in America Monday. He admitted that private medical insurers will be reluctant to part with their high profit. Some HMO's are so stingy they send you to a schizophrenic for a second opinion.
Senator Barack Obama campaigned for Native American votes in Crow Agency, Montana. He was made an honorary member of the Crow Nation and given his own tribal name. It means One Who Must Never Be Criticized or His Jaw Will Shatter. 
John McCain gave a speech Thursday in which he pretended five years had passed and he was looking back on his first term. America was prosperous, the Iraq war was won, Osama was captured and John McCain was still alive. It really strained credulity. 
McCain: “I Received The Highest Award From Literally Every Veterans Organization In America”
Yesterday, the Senate voted 75-22 to pass Sen. Jim Webb’s (D-VA) 21st Century GI Bill, in a rebuke to President Bush, who opposes the measure. Sen. John McCain (R-AZ) skipped the vote to hold a swanky fundraiser in California — one of only three senators to miss the vote (Sen. Ted Kennedy (D-MA) was gone for health reasons, and Sen. Tom Coburn (R-OK) had to attend a funeral).
After Sen. Barack Obama (D-IL) criticized McCain’s opposition to the bill yesterday, McCain went on the attack, first in a lengthy and vitriolic press release and then in a press conference, during which he insisted that he had the support of “literally every veterans organization” in the country:
"I believe that I have earned the right to speak out on veterans’ issues. As a matter of fact I received the highest award from literally every veteran’s organization in America. I don’t know if the American people will judge Senator Obama as to whether he has military experience or not, but they may judge him as to whether he has experience and knowledge to make the judgment necessary to care for the veterans."
Watch it:
In fact, his stance against the GI bill not only places him squarely in the minority of the Senate, but puts him in opposition to the Iraq and Afghanistan Veterans of America, the American Legion, and the national commander of the Veterans of Foreign Wars.
The recognition McCain has received from veterans groups is not “high awards” but failing grades:
— Iraq and Afghanistan Veterans of America gave McCain a grade of D for his record of voting against veterans. (By contrast, Obama got a B+.)
– Disabled Veterans of America noted McCain’s dismal 20 percent voting record on veterans’ issues. (Obama had an 80 percent.)
– In a list of “Key Votes,” Vietnam Veterans of America (VVA) notes McCain “Voted Against Us” 15 times and “Voted For Us” only 8. (Obama voted for VVA 12 times, and against only once.)
McCain frequently cites his own experience as a POW in Vietnam as the ultimate evidence of his dedication to his fellow veterans. Unfortunately, his record belies his rhetoric.
GOTTA GET EDUMACATED:
An ABC News poll has found that 16% of U.S. science teachers are Creationists, and 12.5% teach it as a "valid, scientific alternative to Darwinian explanations for the origin of species."
In other words, 87.5% of science teachers better shape up if they want any shot at Heaven. Wonkette
PZ Myers writes:
Coral Ridge Ministries surveyed their membership, asking them to rank the greatest dangers to America's spiritual health.
Top of the list is the ACLU; second are the homosexuals; third is abortion. Evolution doesn't show up until #7, and atheists are #9...
82% of the deluded followers of (the late) D. James Kennedy's wacky ministry think atheists are "very dangerous".
Also, "colleges and universities" ranked very highly. This isn't surprising, and fear of education explains a lot. Pharyngula
Argus Hamilton says:
A Prestonwood Baptist Church minister was arrested for the online solicitation of a thirteen-year-old girl in Dallas. The underage girl turned out to be the cops. This wouldn't happen if Baptists could go to bars where women are carded on the way in.
Dallas cops arrested a Prestonwood Baptist Church pastor Friday for soliciting a thirteen-year-old girl online. The church is so big it has forty ministers. The guy they arrested is the minister to married couples, but the minister in charge of perversion and forbidden sexual fantasy was off last week and he was covering for him. 
Malcolm B. Wiseman (83), better known as Mac Wiseman, is a bluegrass singer, nicknamed "The Voice with a Heart". The bearded singer is one of the cult figures of Bluegrass music. He studied at the Shenandoah Conservatory of Music in Dayton, Virginia, worked as a disc jockey and was A & R Director for Dot Records.
His career began as guitarist in the band of country singer Molly O'Day but when Flatt & Scruggs separated from Bill Monroe, Wiseman became the guitarist for the Foggy Mountain Boys, the band of Lester Flatt & Earl Scruggs. Later he became one of Bill Monroe’s Bluegrass Boys.
After a performance at the Louisiana Hayride he became popular as solo artist. During the Folk revival in the 1960s he had successful gigs at the Hollywood Bowl and the Carnegie Hall. In 1993 Wiseman was inducted into the International Bluegrass Music Hall of Honor.
Tom T. Hall (72) is an American country balladeer, songwriter, and country singer from Olive Hill, KY. “The Story Teller” has written 11 #1 Hits, with 26 more that hit the Top 10.
On July 3rd, 2007, he released the CD "Tom T. Hall Sings Miss Dixie & Tom T." on his independent bluegrass label Blue Circle Records. It contains the hit single, “Hero In Harlan” - a respectful, but realistic assessment of an Iraq war casualty.
Stephanie Lynn "Stevie" Nicks (60) is an American singer and songwriter, best known for her work with Fleetwood Mac and an extensive solo career, which collectively have produced over twenty Top 50 hits. Her ethereal visual style and heavily symbolic lyrics have brought her critical acclaim.
Nicks was invited to join Fleetwood Mac in 1975 after Mick Fleetwood heard "Frozen Love," a song she wrote and recorded with then-boyfriend Lindsey Buckingham… Nicks began her solo career in 1981 with Bella Donna, and has produced five more solo studio albums to date.
Nicks has been nominated for seven Grammy Awards, and with Fleetwood Mac won the 1977 Grammy for Album of the Year for Rumours. As a member of Fleetwood Mac, she was inducted into The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in 1998.
Hamilton Jordan, who was a top advisor to Jimmy Carter during Carter's 1976 presidential run and later Carter's White House chief of staff, died Tuesday night after a long fight against cancer. He was 63.
After his time in the Carter administration, Jordan made an unsuccessful run in 1986 to be the Democratic candidate for one of Georgia's Senate seats. In 1992, he worked for Ross Perot's third-party presidential campaign. ― Alex Koppelman IN SALON 
Zelma Henderson (88) last surviving plaintiff in Topeka's Brown v. Board of Education case, which led to the historic 1954 US Supreme Court ruling outlawing segregation in public schools. Henderson died of pancreatic cancer in Topeka, Kansas on May 20, 2008. Life In Legacy
Dick Martin (86) half of the comedy team whose Rowan & Martin's Laugh-In took TV by storm in the late '60s, making stars of Goldie Hawn and Lily Tomlin and creating such national catch-phrases as "Sock it to me!" The show ended in 1973, and Dan Rowan (center above; d. 1987) and Martin split in '77. After a second career directing TV sitcoms like The Bob Newhart Show, Archie Bunker's Place, and Family Ties, Martin died of respiratory failure in Santa Monica, California on May 24, 2008.
A&P Heir Dies
A&P heir Huntington Hartford has died at the age of 97. His body will lie in state in the frozen food section for the next two weeks.
Withdraw as soon as your work is done.
Such is the Way. [Lao-Tzu]
He get me on ropes - then leave me hanging. [Mrs. Tzu]
"I don't have a college degree and I'm one of the most brilliant people in the country." [Vulgar Pig Boy Rash Limbo]
"Adolph Hitler was a 'hunter,' sent by God, who was tasked with expediting God's will of having the Jews re-establish a state of Israel." [Batshit crazy End Times Preacher John Hagee, who announced that he is withdrawing his endorsement of McCain, apparently ‘cuz he so loves Hitler more…]
I can't ever remember being young in my life. [Audie Murphy]
(Click on any image to ENLARGE it)
I’m Rev. Art and I’m really samrt.
Welcome to our crib in Metro Fairborn and THE STAND-UP! - 
This edition is sponsored by new, improved Stay-Soft 9000. Now no matter how tangled, sticky or dirty your loving pussy may be when it arrives home - you can rest assured that in minutes you`ll restore it to baby-kitten-soft fur for warming your face.
Married to the Sea
We are very pleased to share with you an exceptional original music composition from the band “Severe Snake And The Stoned Teeth” right after this important message:
PLEASE - join Da Rev & Da Pagan Baby in contributing to an all out effort to eradicate a horrific malady brought to our attention by Maxine Waters. I hope we can count on a check from everyone here this weekend for $500. or more for continuing research into “Whooping Liver”…
If you’ve ever been to Hamilton, Ohio and surveyed the populace, this should not surprise you: Hamilton police officers arrested 22 year old Cordell Barefield and charged him with a long list of crimes. When he was booked into the Butler County jail - the suspect listed his occupation as "drug dealer". D’oh!
Mmmm... Fairborn Sushi!
Heather Mills has been voted the host hated personality in the United Kingdom, in a new survey. Ms Mill received 28.3% of the vote. In contrast, her former husband Sir Paul McCartney was voted most loved. It is believed that Heather had been stumping for votes.
I’d guess Heather Mills has a leg up on the competition for most hated personality in the UK…
I think Amy Winehouse is just about the most talented female singer-songwriter I've noticed in the past 20 years. Not only that - she provides a wildlife habitat in that thing on her head!
We picked up a booklet by a local playwright at the animal adoption center. It’s a touching play about a cat coming of age and the speciesism all cats must face. It is called the Pussy Monologues… 
Da Pagan Baby & I went to a bistro the other night. Our waiter said, "Hello, I'll be your waiter this evening. I'm a vegetarian - so let's try to do this without anyone getting hurt". Thanx t' Toms Lake Humor Co.
TRIVIA QUESTION
In May 1949, who hosted the world's first charity telethon?
A: Jack Benny
B. Milton Berle
C: Jimmy Durante
D: Jerry Lewis
E: Art Linkletter
The Trivia Answer is near the end of The Stand-Up...
"Law & Order: Criminal Intent"
USA Network has renewed "Law & Order: Criminal Intent" for an eighth season.
The cable network has ordered 16 episodes of the crime saga, which spent its first six seasons on NBC before being relegated to USA last year because of low ratings. It will continue to get a second window on NBC.
"Criminal Intent" was the top drama series in basic cable primetime for the fourth quarter, more than doubling USA's audience in the 10 p.m. Thursday slot from the same period the previous year. 
TRIVIA ANSWER
In May 1949, who hosted the world's first charity telethon?
A: Jack Benny
B: MILTON BERLE
C: Jimmy Durante
D: Jerry Lewis
E: Art Linkletter Source
In May 1949, Milton Berle hosted the world's first charity telethon, raising $100,000. for the Damon Runyon Cancer Fund. 
Here are your VIDEOS: 
Billow Reilly flips out - Dance Remix
Gary Kasparov confronted by Flying Penis!
These TV shows are not returning next season. I was amazed - I watch a LOT of TV - but I’ve never seen ANY of these…
Cancelled TV Slideshow
Biotech Breakthroughs - 15-developments that will eventually affect your life COOL!
Jake Novak's Comedy Corner
Peace Talks
Israel and Syria have begun indirect peace talks. They're indirect because the Israelis are at the negotiating table and the Syrians are in the 7th century.
Quake Toll
China continues to feel the effects of the massive earthquake that hit the country last week. Thousands are homeless, businesses have been disrupted, and the government hasn't been able to execute as many political prisoners as usual.
Comedian Argus Hamilton
Al Gore was awarded a million-dollar prize for environmental work Monday. He's won an Oscar, an Emmy, a Grammy and a Nobel Prize. Everyone wants to do something for the environment and they would rather give an award to Al Gore than give up driving. 
Senator Robert Byrd of West Virginia endorsed Senator Barack Obama. The ninety-year-old senator has apologized for his long-ago membership in the Ku Klux Klan. Right after the endorsement the Ku Klux Klan apologized for ever letting him in. 
Our Ohio Dems know how to handle corrupt pols - Our Democratic Governor told Marc Dann to resign OR be impeached!
The U.S. Senate voted by an overwhelming margin Friday to pass the three hundred billion dollar farm bill. It's a good bill. Farmers aren't looking for a handout, just enough to maintain their sense of rugged individualism and frontier independence. 
Former Congressman Bob Barr (R - The Confederacy) received the nomination to run for president for the Libertartian (& Paultards) Party
President Bush blasted Barack Obama while in Israel for being willing to talk to Iran. He really is the wartime president. Iran is listed by the White House as a state sponsor of terrorism along with Syria, North Korea, late-night comedians, the cast of Saturday Night Live, your own two eyes and the English language. 
LINDSAY FUR FLAP
Thanx t’ Toms Lake Humor Co.
A New York woman is suing Lindsay Lohan, she claims Lindsay stole her mink coat. In other news: Britney Spears claims those nasty pictures were taken after Lindsay Lohan stole her panties.
MORE from Jake
Charles Barkley was warned by Las Vegas prosecutors to pay the gambling markers he owes the Wynn hotel. The last time he was in Las Vegas he called the Gamblers Anonymous hotline and said he had a gambling problem. He was holding an ace and a six.
Subway Woes
A new report shows that despite $1 billion in improvement costs, the elevators at most New York City subways are still not reliable. But most riders still find them to be very reliable when used as toilets.
MORE from Argus
The Cannes Film Festival is held this week on France's Mediterranean coast. They are screening the year's upcoming movies. For two weeks a year this seaside resort becomes the world capital of greed, vanity and ego, and then it returns to Los Angeles. 
INDY CAR PILOT DANICA PATRICK - she's SO HOTT!!!
If hotness were a were a satellite dish, I'd mount her on my roof.
HUNKS FOR THE LADIES
ACTOR MATT McCONNAUGHEY
This one is from my new friend - Steve Wozniak, co-founder of Apple:
Just as a surgeon is finishing up an operation the patient wakes up, sits up and demands to know what is going on. "I'm about to close," the surgeon says. The patient grabs his hand and says, "Oh, no you're not! I'll close my own incision."
The doctor hands him the needle and says, "Suture self."
An engineer was crossing a road one-day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."
He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week."
The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want."
Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, and that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"
The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."
IF THIS LADY IS YOUR GRAMS, I DON'T WANNA KNOW, OK?
An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress. The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship. The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there. The engineer said, "I like both."
"Both?"
"Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the lab and get some work done."
SWEET SELITA EUBANKS
Two Arabs are waiting for the NY-Washington DC shuttle to take off. Mustapha is in the window seat; Mohammed in the middle. Just before the door is closed, Greenblatt, a chubby little Jewish man, rushes to his aisle seat beside the Arabs. As the plane takes off, he settles in, removes his shoes and takes out his newspaper. Just as he gets comfortable, Mustapha stands and says, "Excuse me, I'd like to get a Coke." (Shuttle flights are "self-service")
"Relax," says Greenblatt. "I'll get it for you."
While he's Mustapha picks up Greenblatt’s shoe and spits in it. Greenblatt returns and hands his seatmate his drink and once again, settles in. The moment he's comfortable, Mohammed says, "You know. That looks good. I think I'd like one, too."
"Sit! Sit! Let me get it for you!" says Greenblatt, and obligingly fetches another drink.
While he's gone, Mohammed hawks a big lugie into the other shoe. Greenblatt returns, hands Mohammed his drink, and they all sit back and mind their own business for the remainder of the quick flight. Just before the plane lands, Greenblatt slips his shoes back on and instantly realizes what they've done.
Greenblatt sighs and asks: "This enmity between our peoples is tragic! How long must this anger and hatred continue?.... the spitting in the shoes? ....the pissing in the Cokes?"
A bubby is sitting on the boardwalk in Brighton Beach. A flasher approaches her and opens his trench coat. The old woman reaches out and grabs the edge of his coat, looks at this critically, and says, "You call this a lining?"
STUDEBAKER SILVER HAWK - 1961
Good fortune. COMMENT! Please spread the meme. Don’t smoke in bed…
