June 7, 2ôô8
The Trivia Answer appears near the end of The Stand-Up HEATHER The old rancher said, "Well, ya know, McCain is a 'post turtle'."
NAVIGATING THE FRINGE STREAM
- LISTING A BIT TO THE LEFT...
*NOT CURRENTLY AVAILABLE IN MYANMAR*
“Minister Of Rants” gets the most hits among people with warrants.
THE BEST DAMN VICE-PRESIDENT THIS COUNTRY COULD HAVE:
Senator Jim Webb - Vietnam vet, screenwriter, novelist, former Reagan Defense Secretary, and now the junior senator from Virginia. HIS BOOK: “A Time To Fight”
Hillary passed the baton to Barack Obama Saturday with a speech that was powerful, electrifying and graceful. She promises to work hard to bring her 18 million voters into his fold, even though she claimed the popular vote victory in the Democratic presidential primaries in her election-night speech Tuesday. It's so sad. She wound up with more votes than Barack Obama. And so, if the contest had gone to the U.S. Supreme Court - precedent dictates that the winner would be Barack Obama.
BLOGGING FOR OBAMA
“I face this challenge...with limitless faith in the capacity of the American people. Because if we are willing to work for it, and fight for it, and believe in it, then I am absolutely certain that generations from now, we will be able to look back and tell our children that this was the moment when we began to provide care for the sick and good jobs to the jobless; this was the moment when we ended a war and secured our nation and restored our image as the last, best hope on Earth. This was the moment - this was time - when we came together to remake this great nation so that it may always reflect our very best selves and our highest ideals.”[Senator Barack Obama]
[Dr. King’s] appeal was rooted in the larger context of nonviolence. His stated purpose was always to redeem the soul of America… To see Dr. King and his colleagues as anything less than modern founders of democracy - even as racial healers and reconcilers - is to diminish them under the spell of myth. Dr. King said the movement would liberate not only segregated black people but also the white South. Surely this is true.
[Taylor Branch, “The Last Wish of Martin Luther King”]
"Americans are going to have to choose between the Obama and McCain.
It's a choice between the Hillary-defeater or the Wal-Mart greeter."
[Conan] 
It is pretty obvious that there are a lot of people, a preponderance of people, who were comfortable with the notion of affirmative action for African Americans. Then affirmative action kind of grew into a diversity program for basically all ethnic minorities. I think that's when you started seeing a reaction among people who were less advantaged among white voters...
But if you can get the rural whites in this country at the same table as African Americans, it would be good for American politics. I think Barack Obama has the potential to do this." [Senator (possible VP candidate) Jim Webb]
On a major foreign policy debate of the day - whether or not a president should talk to hostile foreign leaders:
"Under the right circumstances, you have to [talk to your enemies] My model for Iran is China in 1971. China was a nuclear power, it was a rogue state, it had American war on its border with Vietnam, it was spouting the same kind of hostile rhetoric. We took none of our military options off the table, we abandoned none of our alliances, but we reached out in a aggressive way diplomatically to bring China into the world community." [Senator Jim Webb, offering an historic context to counter McCain-Lieberman criticism]
From Roll Call:
“…during a Senate vote Wednesday, Obama dragged Lieberman by the hand to a far corner of the Senate chamber and engaged in what appeared to reporters in the gallery as an intense, three-minute conversation.
While it was unclear what the two were discussing, the body language suggested that Obama was trying to convince Lieberman of something and his stance appeared slightly intimidating.
Using forceful, but not angry, hand gestures, Obama literally backed up Lieberman against the wall, leaned in very close at times, and appeared to be trying to dominate the conversation, as the two talked over each other in a few instances..."
From ThinkProgress.com:
On wing-nut blab jockey Mike Gallagher’s radio show today, former House Majority Leader Tom DeLay (R-TX), who is currently facing charges of money laundering and conspiracy to launder money, launched a fringe attack on Sen. Barack Obama (D-IL) by claiming that he is a Marxist. “I have said publicly, and I will again, that unless he proves me wrong, he is a Marxist,” DeLay declared.
Gallagher couldn’t agree more, saying “That’s what he is”…
From a Commenter named “Hunter” on Daily Kos:
“Unless he proves me wrong, Tom Delay lures children into his van with candy, gasses them to death with bug spray, and uses their powdered bones as an aphrodisiac when making love to all the animals at the San Antonio Sea World.” 
McCain on Iran
John McCain made a major speech last week asking the world's leading corporations to stop investing in Iran. That will be followed by an even bigger speech asking them to stop investing in Barack Obama...
ATHEISTS ARE DUMB: REFUTING EVOLUTION WITH THE ARGUMENT FROM PEANUT BUTTER:
CLICK HERE! From Pharyngula
SPORTS FANS?!?
LES PAUL & MARY FORD
Les Paul (born Lester William Polsfuss) (93) is an American jazz guitarist and inventor. He is a pioneer in the development of the solid-body electric guitar which "made the sound of rock and roll possible." His many recording innovations include overdubbing, delay effects such as "sound on sound" and tape delay, phasing effects and multitrack recording.
He first hit as a jazz artist with his Les Paul Trio in the late ‘30s, providing accompaniment for Bing Crosby on his radio program and recordings. In the early 1950s, Paul made a number of revolutionary recordings with his wife, Mary Ford, who sang as well as played rhythm guitar. These records were unique for their heavy use of overdubbing, which he did by recording to disc and bouncing from one disc to the other. The couple's hits included "How High the Moon", "Bye Bye Blues", "The World Is Waiting for the Sunrise", and "Vaya Con Dios". These songs featured Mary harmonizing with herself, giving the vocals a very novel sound. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Les_Paul
Les Paul has always been Da Rev’s favorite guitar slinger…
Gary U.S. Bonds (69) is an American rhythm and blues and rock and roll singer. He is also a prolific songwriter. His early ‘60s hits include: “New Orleans”, “Quarter To Three” and “School Is Out”. He co-wrote “She’s All I’ve Got” which was a hit for Jerry Butler and the late country singer Johnny Paycheck. He remains active on the nostalgia circuit. Wikipedia
Jim McKay (86) veteran sportscaster thrust into the role of newscaster as he told Americans about the tragedy at the 1972 Munich Olympics. McKay was host of ABC's Wide World of Sports for decades. The influential weekend series introduced viewers to all manner of strange, compelling, and far-flung sports events. But in 1972 when Israeli athletes were kidnapped in Munich, McKay was suddenly forced into the role of a newscaster. As viewers followed the gripping story, McKay told how the hostages were killed in a commando raid. He was the father of Sean McManus, now president of CBS News & Sports. McKay died in Monkton, Maryland on June 7, 2008.
Bo Diddley (79) singer and guitarist who invented his own name, his own guitars, his own beat, and, with a handful of other musical pioneers, rock 'n' roll itself. The legendary singer and performer was known for his homemade square guitar, dark glasses, and black hat. Along with Chuck Berry, Diddley was recognized as one of rock's most influential guitarists. In recent years he had suffered from diabetes. In 2007, he suffered a heart attack in Gainesville, Fla. and was hospitalized after a concert in Council Bluffs, Iowa. On May 13, 2008, he had a stroke in Omaha, Neb. He died of heart failure in Archer, Florida on June 2, 2008.
(Ret.) General William E. Odom (75) director of the National Security Agency in the Reagan administration who became an early and outspoken opponent of the Iraq war. Odom was a soldier and thinker once described as a "blue-ribbon hawk" for his fierce opposition to détente with the Soviet Union. He died of a heart attack in Lincoln, Vermont on May 30, 2008.
Yves St. Laurent (71) died last week in Paris after a long career as a women's fashion designer and clothing manufacturer. One of his inventions was the women's pantsuit. It was the turquoise polyester that Hillary wore in Puerto Rico that killed him. Comedian Argus Hamilton
"One of the conditions for them to get our money is that the riding center must be open to kids from all nations. And in some small way, half a dozen kids will see that the other people don't have horns, that they are not demons." [William Shatner, on the William and Elizabeth Shatner Therapeutic Riding Program, which puts Israeli and Arab children together in an equestrian setting]
On Captain Kirk:
"That was a good hero. He made decisions. He was forceful. He was compassionate. He was the instigator. He fought hard and long physically and emotionally. He carried the dilemma of whether to intrude or not to intrude. It was all the classic forms of good Greek playmaking: The hero has the dilemma and resolves the dilemma." [William Shatner]
On a recent "Boston Legal" scene that focused on Denny Crane's friendship with Alan Shore:
"An actor can do one of two things. You can face out front, listen and be listening and in your own thoughts. ... Or you can be fixated on the person — listening, watching. That throws the ball on the person talking. If you're focused on them, then the audience is focused on them. I chose to listen locked on what he was saying, and when he said to me, `Can I tell you what I love about you?' I chose to be very emotional and said, `Tell me' as though I were in love with him. And as I was doing this, I recognized the possibility of people mistaking that for homosexual love, as against somebody interested in the generic word love and not carrying an idea of sexuality." [William Shatner]
"Risk — RISK is our business. THAT'S what this starship is all about. That's why we're a-BOARD her!" [Captain Jim Kirk]
"Now is everything." [Denny Crane]
"I'd love to help the world in all its problems. But I'm an entertainer — and that's all." [William Shatner, in a duet with Country Entertainer of the Year, Brad Paisley]
(Click on any image to ENLARGE it)
Welcome to our crib in Metro Fairborn and THE STAND-UP! -
We are very pleased to share with you an exceptional original music composition from the band "Batter Dipped Moustache" right after this important message:
PLEASE - join Da Rev & Da Pagan Baby in contributing to an all out effort to eradicate a horrific malady brought to our attention by Indra Sinha. I hope we can count on a check from everyone here this weekend for $500. or more for “Reparative Surgeries for South Sea Islander Pearl Divers with Torn Labyrinthan Membranes”…
Da PaganBaby and Da Rev have returned from the maiden voyage of The Carnival of Elitist Bastards!
Some of those FLDS babes have some perky racks. Apparently, they subscribe to a liturgy that permits (or requires) wearing those pointy-cupped bras a la Lana Turner and Mamie Van Doren...
Married To The Sea
An Italian composer is working on an opera based on Al Gore's movie called "An Inconvenient Truth." The Al Gore Opera - it ain't over ’til the fat former VP sings.
Tipper will consult, that is, she will censor unsuitable language in the libretto.
Da Rev passes on opera. Gimme Blues or Country or Bluegrass. I love to get out my ol’ Epiphone and sing those good ol’ good ones…
“I Hate Every Bone In Her Body But Mine”
“I Ain't Never Gone To Bed With an Ugly Woman But I’ve Woke Up With a Few”
“If The Phone Don't Ring, You'll Know It's Me”
“I'm So Miserable Without You It's Like You're Still Here”
And my FAVORITE: “It's Hard To Kiss The Lips At Night That Chewed My Ass All Day”…
EEK!!
For some people one or more of their 5 senses diminishes as they get older
I know. With me it’s my sense of decency. 
Fred: When you pat a dog on its head he’ll wag his tail. What will a goose do?
Ned: Make him bark? 
A big bird (over @ MSNBC) is speculating that Rupert Murdoch plans to fire Roger Ailes!
WELL! THAT will teach him. We could have TOLD him that Red Eye deserves a prime time slot!
If chickens have McNuggets I don’t wanna see where they grow.
What is it about the Confederate flag? Why do some southerners idolize the Confederate flag? I think if you read the subtext on the Confederate Flag - it goes something like: "We're sentimental about the good old days when we had a chance to turn America into a slave kingdom, but we missed by just that much… Damn!"
Americans love winners (at least Americans north of the Mason-Dixon do) and the Confederates are perhaps the biggest losers in American history.
The Sons of Confederate Soldiers Organization insists the Confederate Flag is a symbol of Southern Culture - you know - like the Swastika is a symbol of Oktoberfest!
A more appropriate symbol for Southern culture might be a banner depicting a half open can of lard like Granny always had a-settin’ in the Frigidaire. The Daily Gut
Terence Dean has a book: “Hiding In Hip Hop” that thinly disguises names of closeted gay hip hop entertainers and black actors, male and female.
Will Smith, of course. Scientology is the world's biggest closet. And Jada's well-known to hang out at Kelly Preston's lady parties…
Jamie Fox fer sher… Cuba Gooding, Jr.? Bernie Mac? L & O’s Jesse Martin? Whitney & Queen Latifah, we know. Toni Braxton?? (sigh) Missy Elliot? Lauryn Hill? (sob) WNBA players, natch… Oprah & Gayle? Jay-Zee? Star Jones & Al? Don’t EVEN go there!
TRIVIA QUESTION
John Adams died on 4 July, 1826. Who also died on that day?
A: Benjamin Franklin
B: John Hancock
C: John Jay
D: Thomas Jefferson
E: Betsy Ross 
A study shows some fire fighters do not have access to the latest equipment. Here in Metro Fairborn, Ohio, the fire houses are so short of money they have inflatable Dalmatians.
Toms Lake Humor C0.
The CEO of Google says he wants to find a way to work with
Yahoo, he says Google and Yahoo have a lot in common. I guess
he's talking about the "oo". Toms Lake Humor C0.
I hope you appreciate that Da PaganBaby and I are here for The Stand-Up. We interrupted a three day discussion of the season finale of "Lost".
People are having "Lost" parties where they spend hours discussing the show. This may not be a good trend. I thought we all agreed - the best thing about TV is that it killed the art of conversation.
There are several books coming out about the weird TV series "Lost". To get into the spirit of the show - the publishers should print the pages in random order. Toms Lake Humor C0.
TRIVIA ANSWER
John Adams died on 4 July, 1826. Who also died on that day?
A: Benjamin Franklin
B: John Hancock
C: John Jay
D: THOMAS jEFFERSON
E: Betsy Ross
Adams’ reported last words: “Jefferson lives.” He could not have known that Jefferson had already succumbed.
Derrie-Air is the world's first carbon-neutral luxury airline. We will offer our passengers the finest luxury experience in all the world's skies and the freedom to enjoy it with a clear conscience. Fly Derrie-Air
LINK: 15-year-old kid sings just like Johnny Cash!!
LINK: Batshit Crazy Oklahoma Senator Jim Inhofe vs. Oklahoma Wounded Veterans
Republican Dictionary: Religious Freedom Defined; also, God
What is Universal Health Care?
Comedian Argus Hamilton
Gary Hart said Hillary Clinton should fight for the nomination all the way to the convention. He said he knows what it feels like to come close. Twenty years ago Gary Hart had the nomination in his hip pocket but he couldn't get his pants on. 
Jimmy Carter told the London Guardian it'll be a nightmare ticket if Barack Obama chooses Hillary Clinton to be his running mate. That's saying something. The man who believes that Hamas and Israel can find common ground thinks there is no chance of reconciliation whatsoever between Hillary Clinton and Michelle Obama. 
Senator John McCain launched his general election campaign with a speech in New Orleans before hundreds of Republican supporters. The senator still needs to work on his delivery. Wilfred Brimley gets more applause selling diabetes supplies. 
Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke expressed serious concerns about the U.S. dollar because its low value is a reason for high prices. If there were a god he would ask to have his name removed from our money. He wpouldn’t want to risk going into Chapter Eleven.
Congress heard testimony blaming oil prices on money managers who play the oil commodities market with retirement funds. It's an evil plot. Retirement funds are pushing up the price of oil so high that no one will ever be able to afford to retire. 
Barack Obama underwent a purification ceremony with the Crow Indians in Montana ahead of Tuesday's primary. His adopted Crow father Hartford Black Eagle prayed over him. Sometimes it seems that Barack Obama only prays with religious leaders who have a grudge against white people… 
Jake Novak's Humor Blog
Cigarette Tax Hike
A pack of cigarettes in New York state now costs about $12. That's crazy, you can get like two gallons of gas for that!
MORE Argus
New York's new state excise tax kicked in last week, which caused cigarette prices to hit an astounding twelve dollars per pack in New York City. You can already see the effects. Guys have begun faking a smoker's cough in order to pick up women in bars. 
Brigitte Bardot was fined twenty thousand dollars by a French court last week for saying she thinks the influx of Muslims is ruining France. It doesn't seem fair. Hate speech can get you jail time in France while in America it gets you a radio show.
West Virginia lawmakers demanded that Dick Cheney apologize for cracking a joke about West Virginians being inbreds. The state only has one marriage law. Gays are not allowed to marry in West Virginia unless they can prove they are related. 
Vanity Fair ran an article stating Bill Clinton was playing around with models and actresses and heiresses on the road. His motives are obvious. Bill Clinton is going to keep sleeping with women until he can find one who can get elected president. 
Canada's parliament sought to give U.S. military deserters sanctuary in Canada. It would help their economy. They did it for Vietnam war deserters forty years ago and it resulted in the world's finest marijuana being grown in British Columbia. 
Amish farmers in Ohio began organizing a co-op to grow organic food. They say that growing high-demand organic food strengthens the Amish way of life. With gas at a four dollars a gallon, the Amish way of life is picking up new converts daily. 
This nun is SO HOTT!!!
If hotness were a novena - I'd get into the habit!
HUNKS FOR THE LADIES
'50s RETRO
While suturing a cut on the hand of a 75 year old Texas rancher, whose hand was caught in a gate while working cattle, the doctor struck up a conversation with the old man. Eventually the topic got around to Senator McCain and his bid to be our President.
Not being familiar with the term, the doctor asked him what a 'post turtle' was.
The old rancher said, 'When you're driving down a country road and you come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that's a 'post turtle'.'
The old rancher saw a puzzled look on the doctor's face, so he continued to explain. 'You know he didn't get up there by himself, he doesn't belong up there, he doesn't know what to do while he is up there, and you just wonder what kind of a dumb ass put him up there to begin with.' 
Bubba died in a fire and his body was burned pretty badly. The
morgue
needed someone to identify the body, so they sent for his two
best
friends, Cooter and Gomer. The three men had always done
everything together.
Cooter arrived first, and when the mortician pulled back the sheet, Cooter said, 'Yup, his face is burned up pretty bad. You better roll him over.' The mortician rolled him over and Cooter said, 'Nope, ain't Bubba.'
The mortician thought this was rather strange. So he brought Gomer in to
confirm the identity of the body. Gomer looked at the body and said, 'Yup,
he's pretty well burnt up. Roll him over.' The mortician rolled him over and Gomer said, 'No, it ain't Bubba.'
The mortician asked, 'How can you tell?'
Gomer said,'Well, Bubba had two assholes.'
What? He had two assholes?' asked the mortician.'
'Yup, we never seen 'em, but everybody used to say, 'There's
Bubba with them two assholes. '
Two old guys, one 80 and one 87, were sitting on their usual park bench one morning.
The 87 year old had just finished his morning jog and wasn't even short of breath.
The 80 year old was amazed at his friend's stamina and asked him what he did to have so much energy
The 87 year old said "Well, I eat Jewish rye bread every day. It keeps your energy level high and you'll have great stamina with the ladies."
So, on the way home, the 80 year old stops at the bakery. As he was looking around, the lady asked if he needed any help. He said, "Do you have any Jewish rye bread?"
She said, "Yes, there's a whole shelf of it . Would you like some?"
He said, "I want 5 loaves.
She said, "My goodness, 5 loaves...by the time you get to the 5th loaf, it'll be hard."
He replied, "I can't believe it, everybody in the world knows about this shit but me." 
A husband and wife are shopping at the supermarket when the man picks up a case of Rolling Rock Beer and sticks it in the cart.
'What do you think you're doing?' asks the wife.
'They're on sale, he says. Put them back we can't afford it,' says the wife and they carry on shopping.
A few aisles later the woman picks up a jar of expensive face cream and sticks it in the cart.
'What do you think you're doing?' asks the man.
'It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful,' she says.
The man replies .. 'SO DOES A CASE OF ROLLIN’ ROCK AND IT'S HALF THE PRICE!’
It's the '56 Lincoln Convertible
Good fortune. COMMENT! Please spread the meme. Don’t smoke in bed…
