July 26, 2ôô8
NAVIGATING THE FRINGE STREAM
- LISTING A BIT TO THE LEFT...
WHOA! My thong has ridden-up on my Florida panhandle!
*NOT CURRENTLY AVAILABLE IN MYANMAR*
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"(Some progressives think) Rick Warren, glib cult-leader and bubble-gum philosopher, is a good thing for the country. Blah. He seems to be a nice fellow on some subjects, but ultimately he's (another) patriarchal loon who thinks gays and atheists will burn in hell. Maybe he is representative of the country, though… superficially earnest and well meaning, with a seething core of stupid that means we'll do horrible things in spite of good intentions.
That isn't anything to inspire optimism." [Prof. PZ Myers]
BLOGGIN' FOR OBAMA
ROCKSTAR SENATOR BARACK OBAMA ADDRESSED AN ESTIMATED 200,000 - 500,000 PEOPLE IN BERLIN THIS PAST WEEK!
RANT, REV - RANT!
“Johnny” harkens back to elementary school and that smart kid in the class who was approved for a 3-month hiatus from school attendance to travel to many world capitals with his parents. “Wonderful opportunity,” said the teacher.
Then every few days the teacher shared a post card from “Barry” providing a concise description of yet another far away city. “Johnny” knows he should “join in” with the group anticipation of the post cards from their classmate - but he harbors feelings he can’t quite identify. He is envious of Barry’s good fortune. He resents the attention that is being heaped upon Barry. "Barry, Barry, Barry! I get so tired of hearing, Barry!" exclaims a seriously-bummed Johnny.
Fast forward to 2008. He is John McCain to Barack Obama‘s “smart kid”…
McCain to ‘Match’ Obama With Tour of Epcot’s ‘World Showcase’
Satirical Political Report
McCain stopped by Schmidt's Restaurant und Sausage Haus in Columbus, Ohio - a German cafe whose motto is "the best of the wurst!"
Barack Obama’s visit to Israel went well - though he couldn’t possibly meet with all the important Israelis who wanted to spend a few moments with him. Obama passed on the Mohel who insisted he was a close friend of Jesse Jackson. Thanx t' Toms Lake Humor Co.
Barack Obama was applauded by U.S. troops in a gym in Iraq when he shot a basket from twenty feet. U.S. troops aren't allowed to play favorites. John McCain got the same applause from the troops last month when he shot a prisoner from twenty feet.
Dame Helen Mirren, DBE (63) is an English stage, film and television actress. She has won an Oscar, four SAG Awards, four BAFTAs, three Golden Globes and four Emmy Awards during her career. Wikipedia
Artie Traum (65) guitarist, songwriter, and producer who helped to carry the spirit of the '60s Greenwich Village folk scene to Woodstock. In a varied career, Traum played folk music and smooth jazz; recorded 10 albums of his own and four with his brother, Happy Traum; produced albums; composed film scores; created guitar-instruction books and videos; teamed with Happy for a radio program; and made a documentary film about the Catskill water system. He died of liver cancer in Bearsville, New York, near Woodstock, on July 20, 2008.
“That which doesn’t kill you, makes you stranger.”
[The Joker, in The Dark Knight]
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Welcome to our crib in Metro Fairborn and THE STAND-UP! - its funnier than a clown with crabs…
We are very pleased to share with you an exceptional original music composition from the band “Sumo Water” right after this important message:
PLEASE - join Da Rev & Da Pagan Baby in contributing to an all out effort to eradicate a horrific malady brought to our attention by Sleepy La Beef. I hope we can count on a check from everyone here this weekend for $500. or more for continuing research into Eruptive Corruption…
Married To the Sea
It was SO hot last week hereabouts. The next door neighbor fried two eggs on the sidewalk, mixed ’em with kibble and fed ‘em to his pit bulls.
I drove past Bob and Erin’s place and she was fryin’ a pork chop on Bob’s head! Thanx t'
Of course, last weekend was the hottest of the summer - and, as always, they had The Dayton International Air Show at Dayton International. The scheduled events were interrupted Sunday when a diverted Northwest Airlines jet was forced to make an emergency landing on the audience-lined runway.
The plane made an uneventful landing. The audience demanded their money back.
Q. What do these thousands of soldiers with PTSD do when they get back to their hometowns?
Best Guess? Become cops?
We’re still drivin’ our full-size V-8 pick-em-up. We took off the mud flaps to increase the aerodynamics. Forget those hybrids - they don’t make one Da Rev can fit his big ass into.
I question this seeming headlong rush to switch everyone to hybrid autos. For one thing - blind people can’t hear them. I say build the hybrids so they are lilac or rose-scented so that the blind can SMELL them coming.
Or achieve an engine-like noise by clipping baseball cards in the spokes! People, that was my solution on my 1955 Schwinn Jaguar - and no one ever walked in front of me!
Blind people can tell when a hybrid car is too fucking SMALL! Let a blind friend run a finger over your hybrid for a minute and a half - and he’ll tell you your car is FUNNY-LOOKIN’!
Do hybrids involved in accidents have the potential to electrocute emergency medical personnel and rescue workers - if the battery is damaged and creates an electric current within the car body that is completed when the rescue workers standing on the ground touch the vehicle?
Thick rubber boots and rubber pants for everybody!
While most cats are atheists, our Sylvia presents that SHE is the Goddess and must be obeyed.
Sylvia is using her blog to issue a warning to the world’s cats concerning a new cult-religion called Felinetolgy. It declares that many of our problems are caused by mice spirits trapped in our bodies and that they can be found and removed through the use of cat auditing - in return for large quantities of cat nip.
Sylvia finds it curious that several male celebrity cats who subscribe to Felinetology are rumored to have been incapable of reproducing without human intervention. The Daily Gut
Did you hear Obama say that black fathers should take more responsibility in their children's lives? That speech is recycled from one he had left on his dad's answering machine.
Even if you don’t count Bill Clinton as the “First Black President” - Barack Obama has to settle for second. The first Black President of the US was Warren Galamiel Harding (Galamiel was his African tribal ancestral name).
His cabinet members often called him "G".
It is not true that John Tyler was a black American. Tyler was the first Black LAB President!
CLICK IT!
PEOPLE: Life’s too short to fold underwear!
Although most Mac users appear to be smug, arrogant, even. They act like they’re superior to PC users. Actually, they choose Macs ‘cuz they’re so simple to operate. These dweebs are too dumb to navigate PCs!
Yup - Mac users are a lot like AOL users - functionally semi-competent.
CONAN OFF BROADWAY
Critics say the Olympics are just a money-grabbing operation designed to rake in huge amounts of cash. I agree. If you'd like to learn more - you can buy a copy of my book "Why The Olympics is a Money Grabbing Operation Designed To Rake in Huge Amounts of Cash". It's only 19.95!
Thanx t' Toms Lake Humor Co.
Robert Downey Jr will play Sherlock Holmes in a new movie. Here's a little known fact about Sherlock Holmes: He never paid income tax. Because he always made brilliant deductions. Thanx t' Toms Lake Humor Co.
More people get sick from bad sushi in July! Be very cautious when you eat the day-old sushi from COSTCO.
TRIVIA QUESTION BartCop Entertainment
John Larroquette of Night Court and Boston Legal narrated which movie?
A: Enemy Mine (1985)
B: The Lion Roars Again (1975)
C: Naked Gun 33 1/3: The Final Insult (1994)
D: Powers of Ten (1977)
E: The Texas Chain Saw Massacre (1974)
TRIVIA ANSWER
John Larroquette of Night Court and Boston Legal narrated which movie?
A: Enemy Mine (1985)
B: The Lion Roars Again (1975)
C: Naked Gun 33 1/3: The Final Insult (1994)
D: Powers of Ten (1977)
E: The Texas Chain Saw Massacre (1974)
Here’s your VIDEO: momentous! Discussion between Profs. Richard Dawkins & PZ Myers
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China Web Use
A new study shows that China has surpassed the U.S. in web usage. That's 1 million Chinese people using the Internet every day, and 500 million government officials using the Internet every day to spy on them.
Minimum Wage Rises
The national minimum wage increased by 70 cents this week to $6.55 per hour, meaning Americans now need to work just two hours per day to be able to afford to drive to work.
Comedian Argus Hamilton
Rudy Giuliani's son Andrew sued Duke University because the golf coach cut him from the team and refused to reinstate him. His teammates said he was disruptive and rude and arrogant. His father is so proud of him that he put him back in the will.
The Food and Drug Administration blamed this year's salmonella outbreak on fresh jalapenos imported from Mexico. These free-trade agreements turned out to be fair after all. They've got us exchanging worthless dollars for poisoned produce.
President Bush sanctioned Zimbabwe last week, finally realizing that Robert Mugabe is beyond redemption. At last, he gets it. Hardly a day goes by that another name isn't added to the list of leaders he should have overthrown instead of Saddam Hussein.
MORE from Argus
John Edwards was caught by the National Enquirer with his mistress and love child at the Beverly Hilton last week. It's lucky the former presidential candidate is one of the nation's best personal injury lawyers. He can represent himself after Elizabeth kills him.
WHA?!? The unmarried Senator Senator Graham?
Senator Larry Craig gave a Senate speech that raised eyebrows. He said the U.S. shouldn't let other countries jerk us around by the gas nozzle. If he had said that with his foot he would have been thrown in jail for violating his probation.
Mississippi led the country in obesity in a nationwide study showing one-third of Mississippians are obese. It's dangerous. Last week a guy went outside wearing a tee-shirt with the Confederate flag on the front of it and a helicopter landed on him.
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SUPERMODEL HEIDI KLUM
HUNKS FOR THE LADIES
"KEIF RULES!"
Heres to the lady that wears fine clothes
Patent leather pumps & silken hose
Has a three story house and plenty of gall
The poor little pussy pays for it all...
A guy is dating three women and can’t decide which one to marry. He gives each $1,000 to see how well they can manage money. The first one spends $800 and puts $200 in the bank. The second one spends $200 and puts $800 in the bank. The third one puts the whole $1,000 in the bank. Which one does he end up marrying?
The one with the biggest tits! 
There was a mathematician named Paul,
Who had a hexagonal ball,
The square of it’s weight,
Times his pecker, plus eight,
That’s his phone number. . . give him a call…
One day little Johnny was at home getting into trouble and mischief so his mother insisted that Johnny go to the nearby construction site and learn something new and exciting. Johnny returned home for lunch his mother asked what he had learned. Johnny began, “Well at first, the fuckin door wouldn’t fit right, and the fuckin electrician showed up late and everyone was fuckin pissed because, no one from the city showed up to turn the water off.”
Well she said, shocked, and amazed at these horrible words coming from her son’s mouth, go to your room and you wait till your father get’s home. Later Johnny is called for dinner and is then asked to repeat exactly what he told his mother. His father was furious. He stood and told Johnny to run outside and get a switch. Johnny turned and looked at him, and said with a grin "FUCK YOU! THAT’S THE ELECTRICIAN’S JOB!!!"
SWEET JESSICA ALBA
A finely-built lady goes to see her gynecologist. He has her remove her panties and get up on the table. Then he inserts her feet in the stirrups. He takes a quick look and says, “I’m going to have to numb you.”
“Oh,” says the lady - "well, OK." At that, the doc sticks his head up her skirt and begins, “Numb, numb, numb, numb, numb…”
NUMB!
