July 12, 2ôô8
NAVIGATING THE FRINGE STREAM
- LISTING A BIT TO THE LEFT...
This blog is just another anomoly in the cosmic order.
“Minister of Rants” - #1 blog among people who've used food stamps to score blonde Lebanese hash…
*NOT CURRENTLY AVAILABLE IN MYANMAR*
(Click on any image to ENLARGE it)
Polls show that belief in the fallacy that Barack Obama is a Muslim is confined to a few select demographic groups:
Conservative Republicans, rural voters, and people without college degrees are most likely to think Obama is a Muslim. ___ In light of polling which shows 13-33% of potential American voters believe some fallacious assault on Senator Obama alleging Islamic or Islamist connection(s) - this week's cover of The New Yorker magazine must be viewed as NOT helpful in clearing the detritus of lies from the popular marketplace of ideas. As satire or caricature, it works only with those who are fully in on the joke - and just what IS the fucking punchline here, anyway?
I trust in the First Amendment and this cartoon should not be curtailed in any manner. In an enlightened democracy, where magazines such as The New Yorker are free to print what suits their editors - it falls to the rest of us to call this cover illustration for the narcissistic stunt it is. A usually distinguished publication has come off as too cute and/or too clever by half and THIS time the public-at-large has been ill-served.
Jake Novak's Humor Blog
Jesse Slams Obama
Rev. Jesse Jackson is apologizing for saying he wanted to cut Barack Obama's nuts off. Hey, if Hillary Clinton couldn't do it, no one can!
Jackson complained that Obama was "talking down" to black people, which is getting in the way of Jackson's attempts to continue lying to and inciting them.
<
<
Comedian Argus Hamilton
Jesse Jackson was caught by a microphone saying he's so angry at Barack Obama for talking down to black voters that he'd like to cut off his testicles.
Barack Obama asked Germany's permission to address a German throng at the Brandenburg Gate just like Jack Kennedy did. He's going to accept the nomination in a stadium like Jack Kennedy did, and he's campaigning with Jack Kennedy's daughter. If Barack Obama was any more like Jack Kennedy he would be in as much trouble as Alex Rodriguez. 
<
John McCain’s working with a speech coach, which he badly needs. Barack Obama presents himself as the man with the energy, the talent and the judgment, while John McCain presents himself as the white guy. It's a complete toss-up. 
<
John McCain began seriously considering possible GOP vice presidential running mates during the Fourth of July weekend. There's an added interest in the job due to his advanced years. John McCain needs someone who is ready to take over on Day Two.
<
Time magazine ran an article on John McCain saying how much the candidate enjoys shooting craps at Las Vegas casinos. He loves the action and the risks and the screams of the crowd. It's the only thing that can replace the thrill of bombing a city.
John Kerry told Face the Nation John McCain does not have the judgment to be president. Four years ago John Kerry asked McCain to be his running mate on the Democratic Party ticket. John Kerry was for John McCain before he was against him. 
McCAIN’S WAR ON DENVER: How will Walnuts compete with Barack Obama’s Stadium Sex Rock Show? The solution involves Werther’s hard candies, Bud Lite, and bombing Minneapolis. Wonkette
From Rationalist International:
As the Pope touches down in Darwin, Sydney's sex industry is ready for the big boom. Brothels have announced special "papal visit packages" for the 125,000 foreign visitors who come to Sydney for the World Youth Day (WYD) celebrations this week. Bordellos and sex shops across the city are expecting sensational turnovers. Many establishments have recruited extra staff to cope with the expected rush demand for sexual favours during the event. Some pride themselves on being able to welcome their pious international clientele in a wide range of languages with sex workers speaking French, Spanish, Italian, Greek, Arabic, Thai, Korean, Nepalese and Mandarin. The "Xclusive Gentlemen's Club" offers 10-per-cent discount to those with accreditation as official WYD visitors. As one of the biggest houses near Randwick Racecourse, the club expects to benefit from its proximity to the venue of the Pope’s final open air mass which is expected to attract half a million of pilgrims. The high expectations of the "Forbidden Fruit industry" are based on solid experience. When the World Council of Churches had their congress in Canberra back in the 1990s, we enjoyed our best business period ever, said a spokesperson of Australia’s adult industry group Eros Association.
When religious mass events are in full swing, sex seems to be in the air. After the WYD 2000 in Rome had closed its weeklong celebrations with Pope John Paul II’s open air mass in the Tor Vergata field, rubbish collectors discovered the next day thousands of used condoms in the debris of the festival ground. Media reports showed images of the find, but the Vatican angrily dismissed them as fabrications. Critics of the Vatican's doctrinal stance against birth control, extra-marital sex and the “grave sin” of contraception, however, never stopped mocking about it. They say it reveals that young Catholics have a blithe disregard for the Vatican’s reactionary teachings – which is indeed excellent news if correct.
THE EUCHARIST, A CRACKER - AND OTHER HOLY CRAP!
Webster Cook says he smuggled a Eucharist, a small bread wafer that to Catholics symbolic of the Body of Christ, after a priest blesses it, out of mass, didn't eat it as he was supposed to do, but instead walked with it. Apparently, these events transpired at a chapel on University of Central Florida campus in Orlando.
This isn't the stupid part yet. He walked off with a cracker that was put in his mouth, and people in the church fought with him to get it back. It is just a cracker!
Catholics worldwide became furious!!
Webster Cook has been sent death threats over his cracker. Here is the considered, measured response of the local diocese:
"We don't know 100% what Mr. Cooks motivation was," said Susan Fani a spokesperson with the local Catholic diocese. "However, if anything were to qualify as a hate crime, to us this seems like this might be it."
We just expect the University to take this seriously," she added "To send a message to not just Mr. Cook but the whole community that this kind of really complete sacrilege will not be tolerated." Thanx t’ Prof. PZ Myers @ Pharyngula
NOW Prof. PZ Myer called it a “cracker”. He’s an atheist and has no respect for Holy Crap, such as these blessed crackers! Bill Donahue braying buffoon president of the Catholic League calls it a kidnapping - “taking the Body of Christ hostage”. While denouncing the incident as a “hate crime” - Donahue and his org have spearheaded an e-mail barrage, many with nasty rhetoric and threats of violence, the prof and to the president of the university where Prof. Myer works. They want him fired, of course. We’ll stay tuned. This is bound to get more outrageous before it is put to sleep.
As a young mackerel snapper I received the Eucharist on my tongue most Sundays and many weekdays. I swallowed it and it passed through my digestive tract and, yes, it eventually found it’s way into the porcelain facility in our bathroom - as, yes, Holy Crap! Who wouldn’t believe this shit?!
Mendel "Milton Berle" Berlinger (July 12, 1908 – March 27, 2002) would be 100! He was an Emmy-winning American comedian and actor. As the manic host of NBC's Texaco Star Theater from 1948–1955, he was the first major star of television and as such became known as Uncle Miltie or Mr. Television to millions during TV's golden age.
Like Da Rev - Uncle Miltie only stole from the best jokesters!
Kevin Norwood Bacon(50) is a Golden Globe- and Screen Actors Guild Award-nominated American film and theater actor whose notable roles include Footloose, Animal House, Stir of Echoes, Wild Things, JFK, Apollo 13, Mystic River and The Woodsman. He’s married to Actress Kyra Sedgwick, who stars in the series “The Closer”.
In 1995 Kevin Bacon formed a band called The Bacon Brothers with his brother, Michael. The duo have released four albums.
Dorian Leigh (born Dorian Elizabeth Leigh Parker in Texas) (91) was an American fashion model who is considered by some to be the world's first supermodel who combined blue eyes, startling eyelashes, intelligence, and sexuality to become one of history's most photographed models—perhaps the first supermodel. Leigh graced seven Vogue covers in 1946 and over the next six years appeared on more than 50 more covers of various magazines. Her images in Revlon's "Fire & Ice" nail polish and lipstick campaign in the '50s were shot by famed fashion photographer Richard Avedon and became Madison Avenue legend. Leigh was the elder sister of another famous model (and actress), Suzy Parker (d. 2003). Leigh died in Falls Church, Virginia on July 7, 2008. Life In Legacy
It is believed that she was an inspiration for the Audrey Hepburn character in the film musical, Funny Face as well the character Holly Golightly in Truman Capote's novel Breakfast at Tiffany's.
<
<
Given the widespread loss of confidence in the US financial and monetary systems, here are two primary (Keynesian) solutions to the banking & fiscal crisis that the US gummint must implement ASAP:
1) Raise taxes (preferably on the elite class that has gorged at the public trough and brought us to this fine mess). Why? The FDIC is going to bail out financial institutions, Fannie Mae, Freddie Mac, et al, to the tune of AT LEAST A TRILLION DOLLARS! Where will the money come from? Any solution that adds to the deficit FURTHER devalues the dollar and spurs inflation;
2) Raise interest rates - again, to re-value the dollar. Consequently, any stimulus to the economy must come from tax relief to the wage-worker classes AND must be paid for with corresponding increases in revenue from other sectors. (The necessity for decisive NEW thinking in this crisis situation is the NUMBER ONE argument for an Obama presidency!)
[Rev. Art]
“Buy a dog… call him Life… so you can have one of your very own.”
[Dexter Riley]
Depression is the ability to identify the make and model of a handgun by the taste of the barrel. [Anon.]
"I still think people do have racial hang-ups, but I think one of the reasons I can joke about it is people are shedding those racial hatreds."
[Comedian Dave Chapelle, who lives up the road in Yellow Springs]
We stole countries! That's how you build an empire. We stole countries with the cunning use of flags! Just sail halfway around the world, stick a flag in. "I claim India for Britain."
And they're going, "You can't claim us. We live here! There's hundreds of millions of us."
"Do you have a flag?"
"We don't need a bloody flag, this is our country you bastard!"
"No flag, no country! You can't have one. That's the rules... that... I've just made up!" [Brit Comedian Eddie Izzard]
"It is to the credit of human nature, that, except where its selfishness is brought into play, it loves more readily than it hates. Hatred, by a gradual and quiet process, will even be transformed to love, unless the change be impeded by a continually new irritation of the original feeling of hostility."
[Nathaniel Hawthorne]
The sons of bitches just repealed the 4th Amendment. The Fourth Amendment - The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated - has been violated. Thanx t’ BartCop.com
(Click on any image to ENLARGE it)
Welcome to our crib in Metro Fairborn and THE STAND-UP! - its like bottled designer label water - without the contaminants...
We are very pleased to share with you an exceptional original music composition from the band “Ice Cold Grandma” right after this important message:
PLEASE - join Da Rev & Da Pagan Baby in contributing to an all out effort to eradicate a horrific malady brought to our attention by Siegfried Muller. I hope we can count on a check from everyone here this weekend for $500. or more for continuing research into Sailor's Summer Lung…
Gene Gene made a machine,Joe Joe made it go,
Art Art cut a fart,
Blew the damn thing apart!
Nuts ‘n’ bolts. Nuts ‘n’ bolts. Nuts ‘n’ bolts. WE’RE ALL SCREWED!!<
I was chopping up carrots with the Grim Reaper the other day.
Yes, I was dicing with death!
Beer is now cheaper than gas. Drink, don't drive!
OH! You prefer coffee? CLICK HERE!
What was the best selling non-fiction book of 1991? Miley Cyrus caused a panic at Disney Studios when the fifteen-year-old star said she wants to be the next Madonna. It could interfere with her education. She just stole the best player in Pony League ball from the English teacher he was dating. 
This past week they had the running of the bulls in Pamplona, Spain. It's like competition running, except the bulls give you a damn good reason to run. Shouldn’t they add bulls to some of the local 10K runs.? Wouldn’t THAT increase interest and proceeds? Sure - they should even allow the bulls to win - if they cross the finish line first.
Yeah, but then a bull from Kenya would win and it‘d be like the Boston Marathon all over again.
An alternative to running with the bulls: Join with Pete Seeger (89) and friends for the Strolling of the Heifers an annual event in Brattleboro in which flower-bedecked young cows are paraded down Main Street to celebrate Vermont's agricultural tradition. Tom's Lake Humor Co.
Our cat is smarter than your honor student!
Our 17-year-old Tuxedo-front Kitty, Sylvia, has written a feline themed thriller called "Catnapped". In it a young cat named Stormy sleeps too long in the sunbeam in the window and discovers her companion Pixel has gone missing. The story will leave you hanging up ’til the very end - like that kitten on the old motivational posters…
Sylvia composes on a Meow ‘n’ Spell. She has a huge vocabulary. After she submitted the final galleys of her latest book - she had enough words left over to compose two Country-Western songs and a letter to advice columnist, “Dear Pussy”.
Whenever we want to give Sylvia, our kitty, a special day, we take her to Kitty Dynasty, a Chinese restaurant just for cats in Yellow Springs. The menu highlights include sparrow fried rice, tuna lo mein, and the house special, General Tso's mice. Mistress Sylvia can enjoy Chinese food at Kitty Dynasty - without fear of committing cannibalism, if you know what I mean... And they use NO MSG in any of the recipes. The Daily Gut
On TV news yesterday they reported the falling U.S. dollar has caused financial problems for the Vatican, and the Pope has been forced to make budget cutbacks. Parish priests are reminding Catholics to use their envelopes every Sunday - and, PLEASE - donate in Euros, OK?
During this week in 1955 - the phrase "In God We Trust" was added to the U.S dollar. Judging by the way the U.S. dollar has been performing of late - perhaps the Treasury Secretary should have run a credit check on that deity.
Tom's Lake Humor Co.
The worst president ever has morphed into the lamest duck. I never would have believed it - but, according to opinion polls, more and more Americans miss Nixon. Me, too. 
Well, at least the war on the environment is going well.
Elliott is here. Elliott thinks American Express is a soccer team.
Elliott is visiting from Canada, our northern satellite. Being Canadian is much like being American but without the gun.
Have you ever been to New Mexico? It’s much cleaner than Mexico.
A study shows tofu may harm memory. Well, duh! If tofu didn't harm memory - would anybody eat it more than once...?? Tom's Lake Humor Co.
TRIVIA QUESTION Thanx t’ BartCop.com
What was the best selling non-fiction book of 1991?
A: Every Living Thing
B: Final Exit: The Practicalities of Self-Deliverance and Assisted Suicide for the Dying
C: Me: Stories of My Life
D: My Pet Goat
E: Nancy Reagan: The Unauthorized Biography
ANSWER appears below...
Have you noticed all the cyclists riding to work? Jay Leno said he actually saw Jesse Jackson on a bike - but he was ___ back pedalin’ - all the way…
Gas is so expensive here. Not so everywhere. In Kuwait - gas is 79 cents a gallon. In Saudi Arabia, they’re paying 45 cents per gallon at the pump. You know… it might pay a guy to drive from Kuwait over to Saudi Arabia for that kind of savings!
TRIVIA ANSWER
A: Every Living Thing
B: Final Exit: The Practicalities of Self-Deliverance and Assisted Suicide for the Dying
C: Me: Stories of My Life
D: My Pet Goat
E: Nancy Reagan: The Unauthorized Biography
These are the top 10 best-selling nonfiction books from the year 1991:
1. Me: Stories of My Life, Katharine Hepburn
2. Nancy Reagan: The Unauthorized Biography, Kitty Kelley
3. Uh-Oh: Some Observations from Both Sides of the Refrigerator Door, Robert Fulghum
4. Under Fire: An American Story, Oliver North with William Novak
5. Final Exit: The Practicalities of Self-Deliverance and Assisted Suicide for the Dying, Derek Humphry
6. When You Look Like Your Passport Photo, It's Time to Go Home, Erma Bombeck
7. More Wealth Without Risk, Charles J. Givens
8. Den of Thieves, James B. Stewart
9. Childhood, Bill Cosby
10. Financial Self-Defense, Charles J. Givens
Here’s your terrifying VIDEO: WOW! First Senator Leahy took on Darth Cheney - and now he’s up against The Joker in “The Dark Knight”. How cool would it be to get stoned with Pat Leahy? If he survives The Joker, that is…
DIG it: Big Mama Thornton sings the original “Houndog” with Buddy Guy.
(Click on any image to ENLARGE it)
You, too, can keep McCain from becoming the Bush 3rd Term:
If you can’t bring yourself to vote for a Democrat - you could do worse than to vote for a Libertarian - even an old white supremacist like Bob Barr. Watch Bob...
EEK!! Anti-Gay Alabama A.G. Caught Being Gay
I KNOW it's mean to be laughing at a repressed twisted married closet case hypocrite - but here we go again…
This may come as a shock, but a prominent anti-homosexual Republican attorney general has apparently been caught having homosexual sexual intercourse with his homosexual gay male assistant.
Bonus: The dude’s wife caught him, in their bed.
The AG in question is Troy King, who, of course, is only interested in outlawing homosexuality and sex toys. His gay lover is either a college “buddy,” or a very young youngster and “Homecoming King” from Troy University.
What are the odds of a dude named Troy King getting caught in bed with a Homecoming King from Troy University? This seems like a zany sitcom plot on a gay porn channel. And his name is TROY! >
(Will & Grace was never this wacky!!)
AGAIN: This is not about being gay. This is about being a hypocrite... of the highest order! As it stands, any time a Republican lawmaker opens his mouth about how disgusting and immoral gay sex is, you can be certain he has firsthand experience.
(Coming soon: Texass Gov. Rick Perry, who fought rumors of a gay affair and possible impending divorce by gettin’ behind a HELL YEAH anti-gay marriage amendment for Texass in 2005.) 
FactCheck: NAFTA
Ever wonder how many jobs the US lost because of NAFTA? plus MORE...
A Christianist blogger who calls herself Faithmouse - and who would probably posture as holier than thee or me, nevertheless forwarded this caricature of atheist author Ayn Rand to me:
>
Jake Novak's Humor Blog
Iran Tests Again
Iran has test fired another round of missiles Friday. Their main mission is for them to go find the missiles they test fired Thursday and Friday.
Medicare Scam
Investigators have uncovered a series of Medicare scams that used the ID numbers of deceased physicians. Sadly, it took years to uncover the fraud because the wait times to see the dead doctors and the real doctors were about the same.
<
Comedian Argus Hamilton
House Speaker Nancy Pelosi called upon President Bush to release oil from the Strategic Petroleum Reserve. If he did this it would lower gas prices and lower the profits of oil companies. He hasn't worked this hard to give it all back now. 
Iran test-fired nine Shahab Threes over the Persian Gulf Wednesday, missiles which can reach Israel. However in Israel, the top news story was a sex scandal involving a former president. Your television ratings are zilch if everybody is in the basement. 
The Church of England bishops convening in London voted to accept women bishops, infuriating Episcopalian conservatives. They're already furious over gay bishop ordination. It's getting to where if Protestants want to see straight white males in charge of things, they'd better enjoy President Bush while there's still time. 
President Bush met with Russia's new president Dmitry Medvedev in Japan and later called him a smart guy during his daily press conference. The two presidents are already fast friends. They met in the slow readers circle at the Group of Eight Summit. 
Madame Tussaud's Wax Museum in Berlin was vandalized during the museum's grand opening when a German walked into the gallery and tore off Adolf Hitler's head. Such is the life of a politician. It's always, what have you done for me lately? 
President Bush met with reporters in Tokyo with Japanese Prime Minister Yasuo Fukuda. Everyone was very tense. An international incident was avoided when President Bush did not try to pronounce his name on camera, and just called him Buddy. 
The Methodist Church's South Central Jurisdiction meets next week in Dallas to hear a challenge to the Bush Library being built at SMU. They object most to the think tank that will be attached to the library. Stagnant water just breeds mosquitoes. 
MORE from Argus
Alex Rodriguez's wife filed for divorce because of his infatuation with Madonna. They were clearly meant for each other. E-Harmony set them up when they wrote on the questionnaire that the most important thing in life is to fill a stadium. 
Alex Rodriguez was recruited by Madonna to join Kabbalah Saturday. They study ancient Hebrew texts which believers claim have all the answers to the universe. It's a mystical cult for celebrities whose publicists won't let them be Scientologists. 
(Click on any image to ENLARGE it)
JACQUELINE FINNAN AKA JACKIE JACK has been complaining about the high co$t of filling her tank… I'd like fill her with my hot commodity once a week - NO CHARGE! I'd insert my nozzle deeply until I reached her limit.
HUNKS FOR THE LADIES
>"FITTY" - HE GOT DAT JESUS BLING GOIN'... GOIN'...
Apple Computer announced today that it has developed a computer chip that can store and play music in women's breast implants. The iBreast will cost £499 to £599. This is considered to be a major breakthrough because women are always complaining about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them. [Craig Evans]
I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman: "Where's the self-help section?"
She said that if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
[Anthony Greening]
A trucker who has been out on the road for two weeks stops at a brothel outside Atlanta. He walks straight up to the Madam, drops down $1000. and says: "I want your ugliest woman and a grilled cheese sandwich!" 
The Madam is astonished. "But sir, for that kind of money you could have one of my finest ladies and a three-course meal."
The trucker replies: "Listen, darlin', I'm not horny - I'm homesick."
[Stewart Richardson]
A gent went to the psychiatrist and said:
"Doc, sometimes I think I'm a wigwam, and other times I think I'm a teepee"
The shrink replied:
"Well your problem's simple - you're too tents..."
Wife comes in, husband is sat at the table, and she growls, “Asshole!“ and smacks him across the face.
Husband says "Ouch what was that for?"
The wife says I just found this girls name "Marie" on a piece of paper in your pocket.
The husband says "You dumb bitch! That was a horse I backed last week - and you hurt me!
Two weeks later, the wife comes in to the husband, growls, “You lyin’ sack o’ dog crap!” and again smacks him across the face hard.
Again the husband says, “OW! What's that for?"
The wife says "Your horse left a message on the answering machine!" 
A rather well built woman spent almost all of her vacation time sunbathing on the roof of her hotel.
The first day she sunbathed, she wore a red bikini. However on the second day, she felt a little more adventurous. She slipped out of it in order to get an overall tan figuring that no one could see her way up there.
She'd hardly began when she heard someone running up the stairs. She was lying on her stomach, so she just pulled a towel over her rear.
"Excuse me, miss," said the flustered, little assistant manager of the hotel. "The Hilton doesn't mind you sunbathing on the roof, but we would very much appreciate you wearing a bathing suit as you did yesterday!"
"What difference does it make?" she asked rather calmly. "No one can see me up here on the roof and besides, I'm covered with a towel."
"With all due respect, not exactly ma'am," said the embarrassed little man. "You are lying on the dining room skylight." 
Veni, Vidi, VD. I came, I saw, I cankered.
Good fortune. COMMENT! Please spread the meme. Don’t smoke in bed…
