September 27, 2ôô8
NAVIGATING THE FRINGE STREAM
- LISTING A BIT TO THE LEFT...
Minister of Rants - it‘s the #1 blog among people who use duct tape for recreational purposes.
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BLOGGIN' FOR OBAMA
From the Book:
I am a Democrat, after all; my views on most topics correspond more closely to the editorial pages of the New York Times than those of the Wall Street Journal. I am angry about policies that consistently favor the wealthy and powerful over average Americans, and insist that government has an important role in opening up opportunity to all. I believe in evolution, scientific inquiry, and global warming; I believe in free speech, whether politically correct or politically incorrect, and I am suspicious of using government to impose anybody’s religious beliefs–including my own–on nonbelievers…
I also think my party can be smug, detached, and dogmatic at times. I believe in the free market, competition, and entrepreneurship, and think no small number of government programs don’t work as advertised...
[Barack Obama, "The Audacity of Hope"]
Comedian Argus Hamilton says:
Barack Obama was revealed last week to have a cousin by marriage who's the rabbi of an Ethiopian Jewish congregation in Chicago. His supporters were delighted to hear it. Barack Obama wouldn't be Jesus if he didn't have a couple of Jewish relatives. 
Barack Obama said the Lehman Brothers fall was the most serious financial crisis since the Great Depression. That's no way to scare anybody nowadays. Most Californians think the Great Depression ended when Franklin Roosevelt invented Prozac.
"Sarah Palin has been getting briefed on what she needs to know to be John McCain's vice president. The first thing they taught her was CPR."
[Conan] 
A sad incident at Toys 'R' Us today - a Sarah Palin doll shot My Little Pony. [Kimmel]
Satirical/Political.com
The Alaska Women Reject Palin protest in Anchorage last weekend, was estimated to be “the biggest political rally ever, in the history of the state.”
Do you find it ironic that Senator McLame does not own a gun? But then there COULD BE, say, 9 firearms - all in his wife’s name. 
Comedian Argus Hamilton says:
Sarah Palin spelled out her role in a McCain administration for the first time last week. She'll stay busy. She would focus on energy, government reform and helping families with special-needs children, all while standing on the president's oxygen hose.
Sarah Palin cited the similarities between Nevada and Alaska when she appeared in Carson City. They both began with lawless mining towns full of gamblers and dance hall girls. Then the churches arrived, but only Nevada had the foresight to burn them down.
If John McCain is computer illiterate, how did he end up running with Yahoo?
Sarah Palin survived an interview with ABC's Charlie Gibson last week. She seemed stumped when asked about the Bush Doctrine. I know the answer: The Bush Doctrine states that just because the weapons of mass destruction were never found it doesn't mean that they couldn't have killed us. 
REAGAN-DEMOCRAT?!?
Jeremy John Irons (60) is an English film, television and stage actor. He has won an Academy Award, a Tony Award, a Screen Actors Guild Award, two Emmy Awards and two Golden Globe Awards.
One of our faves. His Oscar was for “Reversal of Fortune”. He reprised the James Mason role of Humbert in the remake of Nabokov’s “Lolita”, with Dominique Swain. 
He’s also an accomplished singer. His voice is in demand for audio books and voice-overs.
James Crumley (68) crime novelist whose detectives worked cases in dingy Montana bars and other rough hangouts around Big Sky Country. Crumley was perhaps best known for The Last Good Kiss, which Men's Journal in 2007 ranked No. 12 among its Top 15 Thrillers of All Time. He died after years of poor health, in Missoula, Montana on September 17, 2008. 
“I will continue to call for sustained action to prevent Iranian President Ahmadinejad from getting these weapons that he wants for a second holocaust.” [SILLY Sarah Palin, again]
(If she‘d check with Ahmadinejihad - she‘d learn that he doesn‘t believe there was a FIRST Holocaust!)
“Suppose Barack Obama had dumped a crippled wife and married a beer heiress one month after the divorce. Do you really think he wouldn’t have been tripped up by such a scandalous past? The Republicans would have had a field day mocking his character. But John McCain’s tawdry personal history is rarely mentioned.” [Mary Mitchell/Sun-Times]
The most important condition to put on any bailout proposal is to impose a tax surcharge on the incomes of the wealthiest Americans to pay the bailout's cost. Firedog Lake
When Alan Greenspan said - "This is a once-in-a-half-century, probably once-in-a-century type of event" - it might have been worth pointing out that he was the arsonist who created the conditions for the extraordinary set of events hitting Wall Street… Greenspan was was the one who chose to ignore the abusive lending practices in the mortgage industry that became widespread under his tenure. He was the one who chose to ignore the growth of an $8 trillion housing bubble.
[Dean Baker is co-director of the Center for Economic and Policy Research]
In 1992, Jim Carville insisted that Clinton focus on the theme of the campaign, "It's the economy, Stupid!"
I propose that the campaign that adopts the theme, "It's the stupid economy" will carry this election. [Rev. Art]
Even Gen. David Petraeus' masterful handling of "the surge" - more a combination of diplomacy, police work and bribery than warfare - has been misinterpreted by McCain as a military triumph enabling the U. S. not to exit Iraq but to go blundering ever wider and deeper into the folly conservatives once derided as nation-building… [Gene Lyons] TRIVIA QUESTION FBI Assures Congress
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Well, howdy! I’m Rev. Art. 
Welcome to our crib in Metro Fairborn and THE STAND-UP! - It’s like a bar mitzvah without the shrimp cocktail…
We are very pleased to share with you an exceptional original music composition from the band “Sumo Water” right after this important message:
PLEASE - join Da Rev & Da Pagan Baby in contributing to an all out effort to eradicate a horrific malady brought to our attention by Narvel Feltz. I hope we can count on a check from everyone here this weekend for $500. or more for continuing research into Sailor's Jaundiced Colic…
I keep hearing, "McLame can't comb his hair 'cuz he's crippled..."
Uhmmm - and, uh - he has no hair!
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McLame has 13 CARS! Unfortunately, he can't roll down a window, and rest his arm on the window jamb.
The National Enquirer reported Thursday that Sarah Palin's teenagers are known in Alaska for casual sex, drug use and underage drinking. The paper is just being sexist. Sarah Palin is living proof that a woman can do it all, and so can her kids. 
Sarah Palin's personal e-mail and photos were hacked this week. The hackers were able to guess her password. That's no hacker - it's a d00b!
If you send someone a picture of a dead moose and they send you a picture of a dead wolf it means mum's the word, the trooper has naked pictures of you. 
Wun Hung Lo's company drug test came back clean for pot, heroin, or coke. But corporate is concerned about how much bamboo he seems to be ingesting.
BartCop Entertainment Page
There are __?__ main varieties of cacao beans used to make chocolate.
A: 2
B: 3
C: 5
D: 7
E: 9 
TRIVIA ANSWER
There are __?__ main varieties of cacao beans used to make chocolate.
A: 2
B: 3
C: 5
D: 7
E: 9 Source
The three main varieties of cacao beans used in chocolate are criollo, forastero and trinitario. 
Here’s your VIDEO: Sermon: Rowan Atkinson - "AMAZING JESUS!"
Without further ado - let’s give it up for Shecky - Our Fave Stand-Up Subster! 
Shecky - you seem to come to Dayton to observe each of the Jewish holidays.
This year, I understand Rosh Hashanah (Jewish New Year) begins at sundown on Monday September 29 and ends at nightfall on Wednesday October 1.
SHECKY
It’s funny sometimes coming to Dayton for a Rosh Hashannah service. Last year I attended a synagogue in Kettering, Ohio. Oy! The shofar player was running late. He showed up with his shofar attached to a Casio keyboard.
But he could make over 150 bird calls.
At Kiddush he used the Shofar as a Beer Funnel. I was upset - ’til he passed it to me.
That’s when I saw his shofar was “Made in Taiwan”.
Instead of Tekiah, he kept ordering for Tequila. I heard that in Springfield one year a kazoo player showed up. 
SO - on Rosh Hashanah - would you rather Give a million dollars to charity anonymously or Get a million dollars from charity publicly?
Be a minor rabbi in NY or a major rabbi in North Dakota?
Get called up to open the ark and trip in front of everyone on your way up the stairs OR get called up to open the ark and make it up the stairs successfully, only to realize that your fly is unzipped?
Wear a kittel as your shabbos jacket all year round or wear Converse all-stars for shabbos shoes?
Live at Home and share room with Parents Or Live at Shul with cleaning staff?
Have shofars as ears or have a fish head?
No air-conditioning for 3 hour Rosh Hashana service or too much air-conditioning for 5 hour service? 
Be Honored by every rabbi in the world or be honored by the one person of your choosing?
Be allowed one major sin or 200 minor sins?
Skip Rosh Hashana or Skip Yom Kippur?
Be a King on Rosh Hashana or be a slave on Passover?
Hear a shofar every time you think about sinning or hear it every time you oversleep?
Be allowed to check your email/internet on Yom Kippur or be allowed to eat?
Dip everything you eat in honey or eat only apple flavored foods?
Piss honey or crap apples?
OK, Rev. - point me toward Kettering! I'm outta here...
Thank you, Shecky...
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China’s state-controlled fund may buy a 49% stake in Morgan Stanley. “Morgan Stanley will now be sold to the Chinese government for two crusty dildos and a pack of Luckies…” [Wonkette] 
“Four days into the worst crisis since the Depression, President Bush finally noticed the markets have gone a little soft. He was expected to fly over Wall Street, looking out sadly over the carnage below…” [Wonkette] 
The Chinese are acting decisively to restore liquidity to one of their larger banks. The main difference between the Chinese & the Americans is we don't shoot the CEOs who screwed up!
What we are witnessing may be the greatest destruction of financial wealth that the world has ever seen - paper losses measured in the trillions of dollars. Corporate wealth. Oil wealth. Real estate wealth. Bank wealth. Private-equity wealth. Hedge fund wealth. Pension wealth. It's a painful reminder that, when you strip away all the complexity and trappings from the magnificent new global infrastructure, finance is still a confidence game - and once the confidence goes, there's no telling when the selling will stop.
[Robert Pearlstein]
Are you one of those wankers who voted for Bush ‘cuz he’d be more fun to drink a beer with? How’s that workin’ out for ya?
Are You Better Off NOW - than You 8 Years Ago?
Comedian Argus Hamilton
Barclays Bank in England purchased bankrupt Lehman Brothers along with its Manhattan tower, saving nine thousand jobs. It's humiliating. The United States of America is two hundred and thirty-two years old and we're having to go to mom for money. 
According to McLame: The "fundamentals" of the economy are fine; and by fundamentals, he means personnel - the American worker... right
Barack Obama said Lehman Brothers fall was the most serious financial crisis since the Great Depression. That's no way to scare anybody nowadays. Most Californians think the Great Depression ended when Franklin Roosevelt invented Prozac. 
Ahmidinejihad and workout partner lick each other after a gruelling session with the weights.
Jake Novak's Humor Blog
Bush Cancels Trip
President Bush has canceled a trip to Alabama and Florida to focus on the country's economic struggles, and see if he can sell the White House on eBay.
AIG Bailout
The US Gummint moved to provide $85 billion in loans to the world's largest insurance company, AIG. The firm’s collapse would have been a potentially crushing blow since ironically, no one at the company has any insurance.
Blood on the Street
Lehman Brothers filed for bankruptcy and several other Wall Street firms and banks are on the verge of collapse. Of course this means that prices for one bedroom apartments in Manhattan will soon fall to just below $5 million.
A big reason for the collapse, is that every major banking investment in the past few years has been tied to real estate. Wall Street hasn't been this poorly diversified since J.P. Morgan had only one mistress in 1904.
Several experts say they can't figure out just how leveraged the major Wall Street firms are right now... which is kind of like saying it's hard to do an autopsy on a suicide case.
The FBI is telling Congress that its inquiry into the anthrax killings is "conclusive," ... mostly because all the victims are definitely still dead.
Gas Gouging
Hundreds of gas stations across the country are being accused of using Hurricane Ike as an excuse to jack up prices. The Chavez gas station here in Metro Fairborn, Ohio, is also using the storm as an excuse to continue not cleaning the bathroom for the 33rd month in a row.
Ike Aftermath
As bad as it is in Texas, it could have been worse. Injured in Hurricane's path were Anderson Cooper, who lost his Prada bag, and Geraldo Rivera, whose moustache suffered third degree wind burn.
Hannah's Hunk
15-year-old Miley Cyrus is reportedly dating a 20-year-old model. This can mean only one thing: Cyrus' mom is planning to run for vice president.
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JENNA JAMESON is so SEXY!
She's so sexy, if she were a book I'd keep her on my nightstand until the climax.
HUNKS FOR THE LADIES
WAYNE STROUD
A married man went to confession and said to his priest, “I almost had an affair with another married woman.”
The priest said, “What do you mean, almost?”
The man said, “Well, we got naked and rubbed our bodies together, but then we stopped.”
The priest said, “Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You’re not to see that woman again. For your penance, say five Hail Mary’s and put $50 in the donation box.”
The man left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked over to the donation box.
He paused for a second and then started to leave.
The priest quickly ran over to him saying, “I saw that. You didn’t put any money in the donation box!”
The man replied, “Yeah, but I rubbed the $50 on the box, and according to you, that’s the same as putting it in.”
A man sat at a local bar and said, “This is a special day, I’m celebrating.”
“What a coincidence,” said the woman next to him. “I’m celebrating, too” she replied, clinking glasses with him. “What are your celebrating?”
“I’m a chicken farmer, and for years all my hens were infertile, but today they’re finally fertile.”
“What a coincidence”, the woman said. “My husband and I have been trying to have a child. Today, my gynecologist told me I’m pregnant!”
“How did your chickens become fertile?” she asked.
“I switched cocks,” he replied.
“What a coincidence,” she said.
A pair of Irish ditch diggers were repairing some road damage directly across the street from a house of ill repute. They witnessed a Protestant Minister lurking about, then ducking into the house.
"Would ye look at that, Darby!" said Pat. "What a shameful disgrace, those
Protestant Reverends sinning in a house the likes of that place!"
They both shook their heads and continued working. A short time later they watched as a Rabbi looked around cautiously and then darted into the house when he was satisfied no one was looking.
"Did ya see that, Darby?" Pat asked in shock and disbelief. "Is nothing holy to those Jewish Rabbis? I just can't understand what the world is coming to these days. A man of the cloth indulging himself in sins of the flesh. T'is a shame, I tell ya!"
Not much later a third man, a Catholic Priest, was lurking about the house, looking around to see if any one was watching, then quietly sneaking in.
"Oh no, Darby, look!" said Pat, removing his cap. "One of the poor girls musta died!”
A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him. She says hello. He's rather taken aback because he can't place where he knows her from. So he says, "Do you know me?" To which she replies, "I think you're the father of one of my kids." Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, "My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching, while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery?" She looks into his eyes and says calmly,
___________________________ I’m your son’s teacher…
Good fortune. COMMENT! Please spread the meme. Don’t smoke in bed…
