October 4, 2ôô8 Minister of Rants - it‘s the #1 blog
NAVIGATING THE FRINGE STREAM
- LISTING A BIT TO THE LEFT...
among people who go to penal colonies expecting something entirely different...
(Click on any image to ENLARGE it) Bill Maher’s Movie “RELIGULOUS”opens this weekend! View the trailer:
Stonehenge Mystery Solved
Two British archeologists say they have uncovered the core reason behind the construction of Stonehenge. They insist the crude rock formations were a temporary shelter for ancient Britons who defaulted on their subprime mortgages.
The Internal Revenue Service was challenged by a group of evangelical pastors Sunday who said they have every right to endorse a presidential candidate from their pulpits. It was a tough call for these ministers to make. They split fifty-fifty between the GOP candidate who is evangelical and the Democratic candidate who's Jesus.
BLOGGIN' FOR OBAMA
Barack Obama was the first to arrive in Mississippi a week ago for the first presidential debate with John McLame at Ole Miss. TV ratings were disappointing. Once the governor stepped out of the doorway and allowed Obama into the auditorium, the drama was pretty much over.
The election is moving our way. Cowardly McLame has surrendered Michigan. Obama is ahead in Virginia and possibly North Carolina, Ohio and Florida - plus key Western states. I believe it is not just a change of party in the White House & Congress - this is the end of the Reagan Reactionary Era - or, more importantly - the beginning of a NEW Progressive Era. Financial catastrophe may present an opportunity for Obama to implement a NEW New Deal!
Mmmm… perhaps FIRST we need to mount an ANGRY POPULIST campaign - No Mavericks Need Apply, Thank You Very Much!
This campaign is gettin' UGLY! Senator Obama is discussing kitchen table issues - while the McLame campaign is throwing the kitchen sink at Obama.
Look for more McLame surrogates to emphasize Obama's middle name...
THAT ONE?!?
Tuesday' 2nd Presidential Debate: Uh-oh!
…WALNUTS! had a flash back to the day he bought his first slave.
Daddy McCain: “Johnny, which negro do you think we should buy?”
John McCain: “That one!”
In Virginia, Monday - McLame's brother called Obama supporters "Communists"! I'm not surprised at anything McLame or his brother say or do. You can take the good ol' redneck boys outta Mississippi - but you can't take Mississippi outta them good ol' redneck boys.
Radical McLame-Failin Healthcare Restructuring
McLame proposes to eliminate the exclusion of health benefits from taxable income. In exchange, he would provide refundable tax credits of $2,500 to single people and of $5,000 to families, with the goal of stoking competition in the individual insurance market.
These are radical changes that will set in motion nothing less than the dismantling of the employer-based coverage that protects 71% of American families.
McLame-Failin Would Cut Medicare/Medicaid
Monday - The Wall Street Journal reported that McCain would cut Medicare and Medicaid funding by $1.3 trillion dollars over the next decade. McCain’s plan would be disastrous for the oldest, the poorest and the sickest Americans, and would hurt state budgets.
Senator McLame is shuttin’ down the campaign operation in Michigan. Ol’“Walnuts blinked! It’s just as well. Even the Republicans in the state aren’t buying his crap: “I will restore the American car industry. We’ll put American drivers in smart K-cars. And I’ll restore the Detroit Lions to contention, really…
It turns out McComb County’s leanin’ toward Bob Barr…
OMG! Did “Walnuts” cut & run? Did he wave the “white pocket hanky of surrender”?
NO!! DON’T call him “Surrender Monkey”!
Sarah’s disappointed. “I think you can see Canada from Michigan.”
Keating Five Ring a Bell?
Rosa Brooks writes for The Los Angeles Times:
Once upon a time, a politician took campaign contributions and favors from a friendly constituent who happened to run a savings and loan association. The contributions were generous: They came to about $200,000 in today’s dollars, and on top of that there were several free vacations for the politician and his family, along with private jet trips and other perks. The politician voted repeatedly against congressional efforts to tighten regulation of S&Ls, and in 1987, when he learned that his constituent’s S&L was the target of a federal investigation, he met with regulators in an effort to get them to back off. That politician was John McCain, and his generous friend was Charles Keating, head of Lincoln Savings & Loan.
McLame, an old Navy salt, also enjoyed excursions aboard Keating’s luxurious yacht; Keating, in addition to being the poster-boy for corporate rip-off artists, postured as a pious super-Catholic anti-porn crusader…)
Obama’s expanding his discipleship. Here’s a sure sign Obama’s gonna win: already, there’s a bumper sticker that reads, “IMPEACH OBAMA!”
Jake Novak's Humor Blog
Debate Themes
In Thursday night's vice presidential debate, Sarah Palin repeatedly spoke about how she's a regular "hockey mom." Joe Biden repeatedly complimented moderator Gwen Ifill for "being clean."
Kelly Maria Ripa(38) an AmericanDaytime Emmy Award-winning actress, television personalityand talk showhost. Since February 2001,[1]she has served as the co-host of Live with Regis and Kelly, along with Regis Philbin. Earlier in her career, Ripa played Hayley Vaughan Santoson All My Children; she also played Faith Fairfieldon Hope & Faith. Both are television series on ABC.
Gore Vidal(83) is an American novelist, screenwriter, playwright, essayist, short story writer and politician. Early in his career he wrote the ground-breaking The City and the Pillar(1948) that outraged mainstream critics as the first major American novel to feature unambiguous homosexuality.
Paul Newman (83) one of the last of the great 20th-century movie stars, an Oscar-winning superstar who personified cool as an activist, race car driver, popcorn impresario, and the antihero of such films as Hud, Cool Hand Luke, and The Color of Money. Newman got his start in theater and on TV during the '50s and later became one of the world's most enduring and popular film stars, a legend held in awe by his peers. He was nominated for Oscars 10 times, winning one regular award (for The Color of Money [1986]) and two honorary ones, and had major roles in more than 50 films. He died of cancer at his farmhouse near Westport, Connecticut on September 26, 2008.
George ("Wydell") Jones (71) rock musician who wrote the doo-wop hit "Rama Lama Ding Dong" and performed it as a member of The Edsels. The song peaked at No. 21 on the Billboard Hot 100 chart in 1961. The Edsels also included Jimmy Reynolds, Harry Green, Marshall Sewell, and Larry Green. During their heyday, the group performed at the Apollo Theater in New York and appeared on American Bandstand. Jones died of cancer in Youngstown, Ohio on September 27, 2008. "Give a man a fish, feed him for a day. Give a man religion, watch him starve to death praying for fish." [Scott Stockdale]
"I'm as healthy as the economy."
[McLame, talking about his cancer, April 6, 2008]
Robert Reich
"The larger economic outlook is not encouraging. All signs point to the economy worsening, bailout or no bailout. Unemployment will continue to rise. Median earnings will continue to drop, adjusted for inflation. More Americans will lose their health insurance.
The Era of Angry Populism has only just begun. Let's hope Obama wins, and is able to mobilize the anger into fierce pressure on Congress to get his agenda enacted, as well as reform Wall Street and Washington." [Economist Robert Reich]
Billow Reilly
"Next time you meet an atheist, tell him or her that you know a bold, fresh guy, a barbarian who was raised in a working-class home and retains the lessons he learned there.
"Then mention to that atheist that this guy is now watched and listened to, on a daily basis, by millions of people all over the world and, to boot, sells millions of books.
"Then, while the non-believer is digesting all that, ask him or her if they still don't believe there's a God!" [Billow Bloviating on His FAUX News Comedy Show]
A recent survey in New Zealand reveals that only 40% of the people believe in a god, and 10% do but have doubts. Only 52% believe in an immortal soul, and 80% accept evolution. I marvel at that — a country where I would not be a member of a rare minority, where I could start a conversation with a stranger and reliably encounter someone who wasn't barking mad, where the populace doesn't believe in angels? Next you'll be telling me the streets are paved with gold.
Prof. PZ Myers, Pharyngula
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I’m Rev. Art. Welcome to our crib in Metro Fairborn and THE STAND-UP! - It’s like Spam - but with MORE succulence.
We are very pleased to share with you an exceptional original music composition from the band "Corrosive Belief" right after this important message:
PLEASE - join Da Rev & Da Pagan Baby in contributing to an all out effort to eradicate a horrific malady brought to our attention by Zack Wamp. I hope we can count on a check from everyone here this weekend for $500. or more for continuing research into Whooping Liver…
Years ago we sent money to help support one of those adorable little street urchin-orphans in Guatemala.
She’s around 15 now, I think. She has secured full-time employment in a brothel.
We got a letter from her yesterday - saying she is sorry to hear of all the financial difficulties in Unidos Statos. She sent us the money she had been saving for a boob job.
Did you hear? Remember "New Kids On the Block"? They're makin a comeback... Aren't they more like the "Old Dudes In the Alley"?!
The McCain campaign paid a make-up artist from "American Idol" $5500. to do the make-up for "Walnuts" - but he still didn't look lifelike...
THE BIDEN-FAILIN DEBATE
Joe Biden and Klondike Barbie answered questions for 90 minutes. The Governess didn’t always answer the moderator’s questions. She had her own questions and cues on 3X5 index cards. She didn’t crater, give birth, get trampled by a moose, get pregnant or call Joe Biden a “nig-lover”.
“The soft tyranny of low expectations.” YUP! This Caribou Cutie just wants to be our soft tyrant.
Fairly early in the show, the woman who would be a heartbeat away from the Maverick-in-Chief said, “Nukuler”. Then she said it over and over, “Nukuler”. CHEESES! She’s no smarter (or dumber) than the Smirking Chimp!
She is capable of long streams of bullshit though, ain’t she? I think I finally figured out why she’s spent so much of her life pregnant: She hates periods!!
She kept referring to the concerns of “Joe Six-Pack” whenever the subject was the economy. Hey, Sarahcuda - when we have 11-12% unemployment next year you can call him “Joe Prozac”!
Why didn’t Gwen Ifill ask the candidates about evolution or evilution?
Apocalypstick shook her ass as she said “Drill, baby, drill!”
SHE SHOOK HER ASS!
Angela Merkel never shook her ass. Madeline Albright never shook her ass. Condaleezza Rice never shook her ass, and she’s got a great ass!
When does she bring out the flaming batons?
When she isn’t speaking out for reform and tax cuts, I’m sure she cracks her gum…
How many times did Bible Spice wink at the camera? Hey, Palin, do you want America to vote for you or fuck you?
She’s half the “Team of Mavericks”…Isn’t that an oxymoron? How about these: “team of individualists” or “solo team player”?
Did she REALLY say: “John McCain has already tapped me and said, that’s where I want you?”
I was amazed when this anti-Choice, baby-droppin’ little Pentecostal mentioned her support for no civil law difference in the treatment of gay and hetero couples. Did she realize that she and Joe Biden were on the same page?
She’s even got herself a gay friend back in Wassilly. And still, she loves her! Joe Biden, on the other hand, has a black friend.
Maybe that incessant winking was signaling to Gwen Ifill that she’s up for some hot black lesbo peekachu action!
Her answers didn't always address the questions asked by the moderator. McCain should replace her with a Magic 8-Ball, don’cha think? You bet’cha!
Joe Biden charged up and denounced this "maverick" bullshit. Best part of the debate.
TRIVIA QUESTION BartCop Entertainment Page
The standard escalator moves at how many feet per minute?
A: 60
B: 120
C: 270
D: 350
E: 500
TRIVIA ANSWER
The standard escalator moves at how many feet per minute?
A: 60
B: 120
C: 270
D: 350
E: 500
Here’s your VIDEO: Sarah Silverman wants Jews to to get their butts down to Florida for The Great Schlep.
Smothers Brothers Song about Wall St Big Fat Cat
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A WORLDWIDE FINANCIAL MELTDOWN; IT MAY ALREADY BE A DEPRESSION, PEOPLE!
Of course, Democrats and poor people are being blamed for the sub-prime meltdown.
READ THE FACTS! “The Origins Of The Subprime Market”.
Click Here: FINANCIAL MELTDOWN PAGE 1
Activist-Journalist Mike Rogersthe Roy Cohn Award for working against the interests of the lesbian and gay community while living as a gay man.
Jake Novak's Humor Blog
Bank Merger
Wells Fargo, and it's #1 shareholder Warren Buffett, is buying Wachovia Bank. In other news, Buffett has just taken a controlling interest in the letter "W."
Bill Passes
Congress overwhelmingly passed the Wall Street bailout bill last week, but stocks are still down. It's a classic case of giving it up too easily only to find he doesn't have any respect for you in the morning...
Congress passed the original bailout plan, except that it will guarantee bank deposits up to $250,000. That would stop a run on the banks and really make it easier to buy a house after one quick trip to the ATM.
The huge number of emails opposed to the bailout bill crashed the Capitol Hill computer server. Luckily, several Wall Street firms offered to pay for the repairs... if the bill passed.
Bailout Reprecussions - Questions
Now that the government is buying up all these mortgages, does this mean we all live in the projects?
Now that the federal government is about to own your mortgage, things are going to change. For example, when your toilet clogs, you can call your Congressman.
Feds Grab Wall Street
As part of the new Wall Street brokerage plan, the federal government now has control of Goldman Sachs and Morgan Stanley. The firms' executives won't get those big bonuses anymore, but they will be able to call in sick 10 days per month.
Buffett Buy
Warren Buffett invested $3 billion in NBC parent GE. Buffett puts into GE says he’ll up the ante to $6 billion if NBC brings back "The Golden Girls."
Warren Buffett is buying up $5 billion worth of Goldman Sachs and is already integrating it with the rest of his businesses. That's why you an now get subprime mortgages sprinkled on your cone at Dairy Queen.
Bloomberg Third Term?
New York City Mayor Mike Bloomberg wants to run for a third term in defiance of local term limit laws. Bloomberg would go back to his old job, but even he can't find a job on Wall Street anymore.
Comedian Argus Hamilton The U.S. Senate passed a Wall Street bailout bill including two hundred million dollars for Puerto Rican and Virgin Island rum distillers. No apology needed. We are doing all we can to help investment bankers and if they like daiquiris, so be it. The bailout bill ballooned from three pages to a hundred pages to five hundred pages. To introduce a bill with that much pork in it during the Jewish holidays must be against some kind of law. Somali pirates seized a freighter in the Indian Ocean and demanded a ransom of twenty million dollars. The U.S. Navy has the ship surrounded. Treasury Secretary Hank Paulson said he will work with Congress to develop a rescue plan for the pirates. The U.S. launched missile raids on al-Qaeda hideouts in Pakistan. It's part of a well thought out plan. President Bush was told in history class that war was good for the economy and he's going to keep starting them until things get better. The U.S. District Court in Washington D.C. ruled the White House must surrender its visitor logs showing how often Jack Abramoff visited President Bush. It still isn't too late for Congress to impeach him. President Bush could hold the distinction of being the oldest Baby Boomer forced by job loss to move back in with his parents. LAS VEGAS (AP) - O.J. Simpson,who went from American sports idol to celebrity-in-exile after he was acquitted of murder in 1995, was found guilty Friday of robbing two sports-memorabilia dealers at gunpoint in a Las Vegas hotel room. Simpson, 61, could spend the rest of his life in prison. Sentenced was set for Dec. 5.
For the time being there may be an end to easy credit. The only reason Americans don't all own elephants is they've never been offered an elephant for a dollar down and easy monthly payments.
MORE Argus
CBS News star Lara Logan was accused of smuggling paintings of Saddam Hussein out of Iraq. She's a CBS foreign correspondent, a former swimsuit model, and six months pregnant. She'd be a vice presidential candidate but she was born in Australia.
Steve Fossett's plane was located near Mammoth Lakes Thursday a year after the billionaire adventurer took off in a single engine aircraft and went missing. His airplane crashed exactly a year before his portfolio crashed. He got out just in time.
Laura Bush and her daughter Jenna just co-authored a new children's book called Read All About It. It's about a boy who doesn't like to read books. He learns a bitter lesson when he grows up and refuses to read the Daily Intelligence Briefings.
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ACTOR SALMA HAYEK
She's so sexy - she knows sultry like I know salty!
HUNKS FOR THE LADIES
There was an old country sheriff who always said, “It could have been worse.” No matter what happened, the old sheriff always had the same answer: “It could have been worse.”
One day, two deputies in the Sheriff’s Office answered an emergency call at a farmhouse. When they walked in, they found the nude bodies of a man and a woman in the bedroom. They had been shot to death.
When they went to the living room, they found the body of a man with a gun at his side.
“No doubt about it,” one deputy said to the other. “This was a double murder and suicide. This guy came home and found his wife in bed with somebody else and shot them both. Then he shot himself.”
“You’re right,” the other deputy replied. “Double murder and suicide. But I’ll bet you when the sheriff gets here he’s going to say ‘it could have been worse.’”
“No way. How could it be worse? There are three people in the house, and all of them have been shot to death. It couldn’t be worse. You’re on.”
About that time, the old sheriff arrived at the scene. He walked into the bedroom and saw the two nude bodies. He then walked into the living room and saw the man on the floor with the gun by his side.
“No doubt about it,” the sheriff said, shaking his head. “It was a double murder and suicide. This guy came home and found his wife in bed with somebody else and shot them both. Then he shot himself.”
After hesitating for a moment, the old sheriff looked his deputies squarely in the eyes. “But, you know,” he said, “it could have been worse.”
The deputy who had lost the bet jumped up and shouted, “Sheriff, how could it have been worse? There are three people in this farmhouse, and all three of them are dead. It couldn’t have been worse.”
“Yes it could,” the sheriff retorted. “You see that guy there on the floor? If he had come home yesterday, that would be me in there in that bed!
A woman goes to her doctor and says she wants an operation because her vaginal lips are too large.
She asks the doctor to please keep the operation a secret as she’s embarrassed and doesn’t want anyone to find out about it.
The doctor agrees.
She wakes up from her operation and finds three red roses placed in a vase beside her bed.
Furious, she immediately calls in the doctor and says, “I specifically asked you not to tell anyone about my operation!”
“Don’t worry,” he says, “I didn’t tell anybody. The first rose is from me. I felt bad because you went through this operation all by yourself. The second one is from my nurse. She assisted me with the operation, and she has had the same operation done on herself.”
“Who is the third rose from?” she asked.
The doctor says, “Oh, that rose is from a guy upstairs in the burn unit. He wanted to thank you for his new ears.”
MARIEL HEMINGWAY
Two rednecks, Bubba and Earl, were driving down the road on the way to a Sarah Palin rally and drinking a couple of bottles of beer.
The passenger, Bubba, said, “Lookie thar up the road, Earl, it’s a police roadblock! We’re gonna get busted fer drinkin’ these beers in tha truck!!”
“Don’t worry, Bubba,” Earl said. “We’ll just pull over and finish drinkin’ these beers, peel off the labels and stick ‘em on our foreheads, and throw the bottles under the seat.”
“What fer?”, asked Bubba.
“Just let me do the talkin”, said Earl.
Well, they finished their beers and threw the empty bottles under the seat. They each put a label from the bottles on their forehead.
When they got to the roadblock, the sheriff asked, “You boys been drinkin’?”
“No SIR,” Earl replied, “We’re on the patch!”
The pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express PRAISE for answered prayers.
A lady stood and walked to the podium. She said, 'I have a Praise.' Two months ago, my husband, Jim, had a terrible bicycle wreck and his scrotum was completely crushed. The pain was excruciating and the doctors didn't know if they could help him.'
You could hear an audible gasp from the men in the congregation as they imagined the pain that poor Jim experienced. She continued, 'Jim was unable to hold me or the children and every move caused him terrible pain. We prayed as the doctors performed a delicate operation . They were able to piece together the crushed remnants of Jim's scrotum and wrap wire around it to hold it in place.'
Again, the men in the Congregation squirmed uncomfortably as they imagined the horrible surgery performed on Jim. She continued, 'Now, Jim is out of the hospital and the doctor's say, with time, his scrotum should recover completely.' All the men sighed with relief.
The pastor rose and tentatively asked if any one else had anything to say. A man rose and walked to the podium. He said, 'I'm Jim and I want to tell my wife, the word is sternum.'
THE 1940 LINCOLN
Good fortune. COMMENT! Please spread the meme. Don’t smoke in bed…
