Just a note to let you know about a small format change: "Politics & Skin" will publish on this site, but in a separate posting and, usually, on a different schedule from "The Stand - Up"...
As always thanks for your continuing interest in Minister of Rants. ____________ And, of course - P.O.E.T.S.!
WELL, HOWDY!
I’m Rev. Art. Welcome to our crib in Metro Fairborn and THE STAND-UP! - it’s like *"Walkin' 'Round In Women's Underwear"* - but without the razor burn...
I still think life mirrors comic books where for every hero there is an arch-villain. Maybe it’s not really that way. Or is it?
By the way - Da Rev's an organ donor. What was your second wish?
I've never participated in anything like this before. It was an online Celebrity Auction for research into the dibilitating disease Morbid Runs that afflicts so many loose teenage women.
I bid $700. for Senator Joe Lieberman to clear my walks and driveway with a snowblower every time it snows this winter. And I had the HIGH BID!!
So - now every time it snows, all I have to do is call this phone number he gave me.
When he answers I say, "Joe, it's Art."
He answerS in a craggy whine, "Oh-h-h, Hi-i-i Art."
And I say, "Joe, I need for you to come over and blow me!"
*CELEBRATE WINTER!
This song will really take ya back. Yeah, back…*
One of the season's greatest songs! EVER'BODY SING!"
Sung to the tune of "Walking in a Winter Wonderland"...
Lacey things, the wife is missin'
Didn't ask for her permission
I'm wearin' her clothes,
her silk pantyhose
Walking 'round in women's underwear
In the store, there's a teddy
With little straps like spaghetti
It holds me so tight,
like handcuffs at night
Walking 'round in women's underwear
In the office there's a guy named Melvin
He pretends that I am Murphy Brown He'll say, "Are you ready?",
I'll say, "Wooohh man!
Just wait until the wife is out of town..."
Later on, if you wanna
We can dress like Madonna
Put on some eyeshade,
And join the parade
Walking 'round in women's underwear
Lacey things, missing
Didn't ask, permission
Wearing her clothes,
Silk pantyhose Walking 'round in women's underwear...
Walking 'round in women's underwear...
Walking 'round in women's underwear!
A bird in the hand… uh, how’s that go? I’ll tell ya - a bird in the hand will peck you make you bleed and give you a disease - if you don't release it or wring its neck…
Like a journey of a thousand miles - this bit begins with a trip to the bathroom. Ben Franklin said, "In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria."
In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated that if we drink 1 liter of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli, (E. coli) - bacteria found in feces. In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of poop.
However, we do NOT run that risk when drinking wine &beer (or tequila, rum, whiskey or liquor) because alcohol has to go through a purification process of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting.
Remember: Water = Poop; Wine = Health =>
Therefore, it's better to drink wine and talk stupid, than to drink water and be full of shit. There is no need to thank me for this valuable information: I'm doing it as a public service.
THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Innovative
2. Preliminary
3. Proliferation
4. Cinnamon
THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Specificity
2. Anti-constitutionalistically
3. Passive-aggressive disorder
4. Tran-substantiate
THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. No thanks, I'm married.
2. Nope, no more booze for me!
3. Sorry, but you're not really my type.
4. Taco Bell? No thanks, I'm not hungry.
5. Good evening, officer. Isn't it lovely out tonight?
6. Oh, I couldn't! No one wants to hear me sing karaoke.
7. I'm not interested in fighting you.
8. Thank you, but I won't make any attempt to dance, I have no coordination. I'd hate to look like a fool!
9. Where is the nearest bathroom? I refuse to pee in this parking lot or on the side of the road.
10. I must be going home now, as I have to work in the morning.
TRIVIA QUESTION BartCop.com Entertainment Page
Evidence demonstrates that peanuts were domesticated in prehistoric times in which country?
A Pakistan
B Peru
C Philippines
D Polynesia
E Portugal
TRIVIA ANSWER
Evidence demonstrates that peanuts were domesticated in prehistoric times in which country?
A Pakistan
B Peru
C Philippines
D Polynesia
E Portugal
(Click on any image to ENLARGE it)
HERE’S YOUR VIDEO: A li'l sum'pin' t' get y'es thru the Great Depression and Global Terrorist Attacks!
"Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life" - Monty Python -
From "Life Of Brian"
Is it too late to bail out Studebaker?!
IT'S A STUD-LINE!
Good fortune. COMMENT!! Please spread the meme.
Don't smoke in bed...
